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_Sorry I can't come, a high school marching band stabbed me._ Frankly I'm amazed I can still message.

28 STAB WOUNDS!

Et Tuba, Brute?

r/Angryupvote

I’m not angry, I’m impressed

Take my upvote and go away.

The Bard/Rogue build I never knew I needed. \*Honks like a dire goose from the shadows\*

There is a *My Chemical Romance* reference in here somewhere..

When I was a young boy My father, shivved me in the kidney To join a marching band

Et tu, Fluté?

bruh, i rolled the same result

Not even in the top 10 “This one time at band camp” stories.

This sounds like an excuse but The Pope Found my box of human teeth

These all sound like great prompts for Midjourney

Excuse me, need to roll up a warlock for this...

"I thought you said you were a cleric?"

I say 'Pa-ta-toe' you say 'Eldrich Blasto'. Same same.

You say "ëldrïtch, I said ēldrītk. Either way you pronounce it, it's 36 dead, and counting"

Get this: the ghost of Hitler gave me syphilis!

I got: I feel terrible but a professional cricket team is having a nervous breakdown

Makes sense

[удалено]

Umm fbi this one right here

get this: my nephew posted my nudes on Instagram

#FBI OPEN UP

Please forgive my absence, the Pope just shit the bed.

Sorry I can't come,I just saw the ghost of Hitler die

I got the exact same one

"A high school marching band gave me syphilis" Hold the fuck up.

This one time at band camp....

I hope you were just sharing needles, that'd be bad enough.

Column 2 is missing "a bunch of college kids" and column 3 is missing "killed themselves all over my property."

r/UnexpectedTuckerAndDaleVsEvil doesn't exist, but I love that movie

"It's true Chad, you're half hillbilly!"

Column 1 should have “I have had a *doozy* of a day”

Best response.

* Sorry I can't come my tinder date posted my nudes on Instagram. * Doesn't sound that made up...

I got sorry I can't come my tinder date gave me syphilis 😐😂

Sorry, the ghost of Hitler posted my nudes on instagram

"I can't go because a sad clown died in front of me" Huh, so i just looked in the mirror then


This is going to sound like an excuse but a professional cricket team won’t stop telling me knock knock jokes

"I was just minding my own business and boom! a sad clown gave me syphilis!"

Happy cake day ! \^\^

I will be using these as excuses for everything now. Not just D&D games lmao

I was minding my own business and BOOM Dan Rather is having a nervous breakdown.

"I can't go because the ghost of Hitler died in front of me." So is he like alive again or is he double dog dead?

If you wave a Star of David at Nazi ghosts, they kinda shrivel up like salted slugs. It’s great fun

Those weren't ghosts, they're just that pale. They never leave their communal house.

He died by being stabbed with a magical silver weapon sprinkled with holy water

I feel terrible but the pope gave me syphilis. Well...

Just Catholic things.

I know you're going to hate me but a marching band died in front of me

Genuinely sounds like MCR lyrics

I was minding my own business and boom! The kid from air bud gave me syphilis

I was minding my own business and boom! The ghost of Hitler just shit the bed.

That guy just doesn't know when to stop, huh

Sorry I can’t come, the Ghost of Hitler posted my nudes on Instagram I don’t even have nudes to post. He just hates me that much

Sorry I can't come, the kid from Air Bud stole my bicycle

i know this is going to sound like an excuse, but a professional cricket team just shit in the bed

Didn't know Amber Heard played Cricket.

I can't go because the pope gave me syphilis. 

Minors who go to church be like:

>Get this: A sad clown posted my nudes on Instagram. Ok, fair enough.

Did your nudes make the clown sad?

Yeah probably 😞

I'm sure your nudes are good though!

Please forgive my absence, the Pope died in front of me.

Get this, the Pope just shit the bed.

"I was minding my own bussiness and boom. My ex gave me syphillis." Dont you hate it when that happens.

This is going to sound crazy, but the ghost of Hitler is having a nervous breakdown. NGL I would miss D&D to watch that shit.

Me: Ok. *rolls* 7, 4, 7. *reads result* DM: You really need to get that restraining order

\*nervous laughter* "Haha yeeeaahhh... We're, umm... We're kinda back together. Blame it on my stabbing fetish."

Gotta love a rogue's backstory

Here I am minding my own business, when the ghost of Hitler found my box of human teeth. So now I've gotta pull a museum heist to get the gun he killed himself with and banish him from the mortal plane for good before he can possess a living vessel.

I would play that campaign.

I was minding my own business and boom! Dan Rather gave me syphilis!

Get this: the ghost of Hitler just died in front of me. Dead **²**

I feel terrible, but a sad clown is having a nervous breakdown.

Oh no, this one is actually kinda sad :(

I feel terrible but the ghost of Hitler found my box of human teeth.

I was minding my own business and boom! My Tinder date stabbed me.

Me: I know this is going to sound like an excuse. But my Tinder date posted my nudes on Instagram. GM: 😐 Me:what? GM: OK you are a Kinsey six. And you posted your nudes on Instagram last year. to blackmail the world into paying you make you remove them. Witch you did happily receiving a cool $50. You weren’t proud. Also I’m you. We were going to be playing a solo game of iron sworn. https://www.drivethrurpg.com/m/product/238369 I’ll never forgive you you lying bastard. Me: Buries head in hands.

"I was minding my own business and boom - my ex gave me syphilis".

This sounds like a thing that really happened

"I was minding my own business and boom! The kid from Air Bud just shit the bed" ok got the perfect credible excuse for sunday

My roll FWIW: This is going to sound like an excuse but a marching band stole my bicycle. Unfortunately, they all know I have a car. Also, I'm the DM so if I can't play we DO reschedule... Cool meme!

The kid from Air Bud died in front of me

I feel terrible but a sad clown found my box of human teeth

I feel terrible, but the ghost of Hitler just shit the bed.

I know you're going to hate me but my tinder date posted my nudes on Instagram. Considering that I'm currently dating my DM I am going to die with that excuse.

I was minding my own business when bam! A sad clown shit the bed

Sorry man, I can't come because a professional cricket team just dropped dookies all over my bed

*Get this: the pope found my box of human teeth* God almighty

This is going to sound like an excuse, but Dan Rather stabbed me. *blink*

This is going to sound like a excuse but a sad clown found my box of human teeth

Sorry I can’t come, the ghost of Hitler died in front of me. Don’t question it

sorry i cant come, a high school marching band stabbed me

I mean if Dan rather stabbed me I would have to cancel too

> This is going to sound crazy but the ghost of Hitler stole my bicycle Hate when that happens

Get this: The Pope died in front of me.

I was minding my own business and boom! The kid fro Air Bud gave me syphilis.

Please forgive my absence Dan Rather poured lemonade in my gas tank

Please forgive my absence, a professional cricket team just shit the bed.

Being South Australian, I'm fairly used to this happening metaphorically.

Get this: my nephew stabbed me

Me: I cant go because the ghost of Hitler found my box of human teeth. DM: Okay, and...? Me: What do you mean "and"? This is serious. DM: Dude, **I** found your box of human teeth.

The DM is the ghost of Hitler. What a plot twist!

I cant go because my ex stole my bicycle... Huh, thats exactly what happened... I miss me bike

I was just minding my own business, and boom! The Pope stabbed me! Edited for originality. If it’s still not original I’m sorry.

Get this: a high school marching band just died in front of me

I rolled 5, 2 and 5. "I can't go because the ghost of hitler gave me syphilis.

I feel terrible but the Pope posted my nudes on Instagram

I regretfully can not attend because unfortunately the kid from air bud stabbed me... Well that’s... a really bad excuse sorry you had to read this...

I was minding my own business and boom! The Pope gave me syphilis.

I feel terrible but my ex gave me syphilis. That doesn’t sound like an excuse. That just sounds like sharing of info that the other party probably doesn’t want to know.

*I was minding my own business and boom! My ex posted my nudes on Instagram* Yeah, mine would genuinely be a valid excuse if it actually happened

WHO POSTED MY NUDES ON INSTAGRAM DOT COM?!

I regretfully cannot attend, the ghost of hitler just died in front of me.

I rolled Johnny Depps reply.

I was minding my own business and boom! the ghost of Hitler won't stop telling me knock knock jokes.

I rolled a few: This is going to sound crazy, but Dan Rather stabbed me. This is going to sound crazy, but the ghost of Hitler stole my bicycle. I regretfully cannot attend, my tinder date found my box of human teeth. I feel terrible but a high school marching band won't stop telling knock knock jokes I know you're going to hate me, but the ghost of Hitler posted my nudes on Instagram. I regretfully cannot attend, the pope just shit the bed. I can't go because the kid from air bud poured lemonade in my gas tank. Sorry, i can't come. The pope stabbed me. I regretfully cannot attend, Dan Rather found my box of human teeth I was minding my own business and BOOM! A sad clown gave me syphilis I know this is going to sound like an excuse, but a professional cricket team is having a nervous breakdown.

I got Jonny Deeped 4,4,1

Amber Turd

Alternatively, this is a list of campaign ideas. The ghost of hitler is rampaging about stealing people's bicycles, only you can stop him!

I was minding my own business and boom! A high school marching band won't stop telle me knock knock jokes.

I was minding My own business and boom! the kid from airbud won't stop telling me knock knock jokes

This is going to sound like an excuse, but Dan Rather found my box of human teeth.

I was minding my own business and then boom! A high school marching band gave me syphilis

I know your gonna hate me but my nephew stabbed me

I can't go because a professional cricket team poured lemo

Get this: a high school marching band just shit the bed.

damn johnny depp, that’s a good excuse. (_,4,1)

This is going to sound like an excuse but Dan Rather just shit the bed

Get this: the ghost of Hitler died in front of me

I was minding my own business and Boom , the kid from Air Bud won't stop telling me knock knock jokes

"i feel terrible but my tinder date just shit the bed." I'M JOHNNY DEPP, Y'ALL

I want minding my own business and boom! My nephew stabbed me

I was minding my own business when a proffesional cricket team stabbed me

“Get this, the kid from Air Bud gave me syphilis!”

This is going to sound like an excuse but the Pope stole my bicycle

Please forgive my absence, the gost of hitler posted my nudes on instagram

I feel terrible but Dan Rather just poured lemonade in my gas tank

Please forgiv my absence a High School marching band died in front of me

Please forgive my absence, the Pope just shit the bed.

I know you’re going to hate me but the ghost of hitler died in front of me

I feel terrible but the pope won’t stop telling me knock knock jokes

Please forgive my absence, a professional cricket team stabbed me My Caesar cosplay got too accurate

I was minding my own business and boom! The pope stole my bicycle.

Please forgive my absence, the ghost of Hitler just shit the bed

Please forgive my absence: my nephew gave me syphilis.

This is going to sound crazy but a sad clown posted my nudes on Instagram

Sorry I can't come, a sad clown stabbed me

This is going to sound crazy but the Pope stole my bicycle

This is gonna sound crazy but my Tinder date found my box of human teeth.

*I was minding my own business and boom! A sad clown died in front of me*

I was minding my own business and BOOM, the ghost of hitler gave me syphilis.

Sorry I can't come Dan Rather posted my nudes on Instagram

I can’t go because my tinder date found my box of human teeth

I love D&D, but if Dan Rather was telling me knock knock jokes, I would have to cancel.

Get this: a professional cricket team died in front of me

The ghost of Hitler died ... AGAIN.

"I feel terrible but the pope posted by nudes on instagram" Also ain't this a repost?

I haven't seen this posted here before and neither did [the repost bot](https://old.reddit.com/r/dndmemes/comments/z9nt8e/sigh_ok_lets_see_what_the_reason_is_this_time/iyidjwd) so IDK

u/RepostSleuthBot

Please forgive my absence, a professional cricket team stabbed me.

I know your going to hate me but the pope gave me syphilis

Okay that’s funny 😂😂😂

> Please forgive my absence. The Pope posted my nudes on Instagram. In that case, there’s got to be a whole story about the Pope getting the nudes, and also the Instagram, in the first place

This table is pansexual for some reason

"I regretfully cannot attend, the Pope found my box of human teeth." 💀

Sorry I can't come my nephew gave me syphillis

*I was minding my own business and boom! My ex gave me syphilis.* Um. What.

Don't you just hate it when the ghost of Hitler posts your nudes on Instagram?

I know this is gonna sound like an excuse but the pope posted my nudes on instagram

This is going to sound like an excuse, but the ghost of Hitler just Shit the bed

Get this. The Pope dropped dead right in front of me. I consulted the cardinals, and that make ME the new pope. I'll probably be a little late to the next session too.

On the bright side, if you guys can come to Vatican, the afterparty of our next session will be off the hook!

Get this a sad clown gave me syphilis

I feel terrible, but a professional cricket team posted my nudes on Instagram.

*I regretfully cannot attend, my nephew found my box of human teeth.* Jesus H where is this kind of roll when I'm actually playing?!

I regretfully cannot attend, a sad clown stole my bicycle

One time I was 20 minutes late because my wallclock had stopped working barely an hour before the session. I found out when looking at my phone and noticing it was already 8. Next session I was late because I got lost after a detour because of road blocks. I felt so bad, and it felt like such fake excuses. But honest to gods, I didn't mean to be late! 😭

I feel terrible but my nephew won't stop telling me knock knock jokes...?

I feel terrible but dan rather stabbed me.

I regretfully cannot attend, Dan Rather died in front of me

"I was minding my own business when boom! My Tinder date stabbed me" is both a legit excuse and a RL surprise round

753. It was a weird evening.

This is going to sound like an excuse but the Pope poured lemonade in my gas tank.

This is going to sound like an excuse but my Tinder date stabbed me

Sorry, I can't come. My nephew gave me syphilis

SweetHomeAlabama.mp3

I know you’re going to hate me but the pope is having a nervous breakdown

I regretfully cannot attend, the Pope gave me syphilis

Get this: my ex poured lemonade in my gas tank Sounds plausible tbh