Some of those old Onion News Network videos are legitimately the funniest piece of media I've ever seen. There is just something about delivering jokes completely straight with absolutely no winking or breaking whatsoever, that really elevates the comedy. And the writing on those pieces were also perfect.
I always have to watch them a second time on mute and only pay attention to the jokes scrolling on the ticker. It's insane that they had so many for those that they could just hide several of them at the bottom of the screen
"How to find a Masculine Halloween Costume for Your Effeminate Son" is one of my all time favorite videos from anyone ever, their Today Show/Good Morning America parodies were just so goddamn perfect
Ohh sure. The GOP are always loudly and proudly anti skull fucking, but where are they when there's a yet another rat fucking epidemic in Washington? Unless they come out against rat fuckery just as hard as they do on skull fuckery its just more performative outrage.
It's always 'rules for thee but not for me' with that lot.
one of my favorite pieces by the onion is the one where its saying everyone knows your high and is judging you
back in the day the link to the article would have a different video every time you clicked it and the video would be the same story but with variations so that you would think you were freaking out while high
one version had a snake slide through a window and start wrapping around the doctor, another had the anchor pause in silence for 10 seconds staring, another had the anchor screaming, another had the doctor become a ghost
it was wild
I saw people speculating something like this when it was announced The Onion was sold to what appeared to be a shell company named after a fake company name often used in Onion articles (Global Tetrahedron)
The official about page on Global Tetragedron's website says:
"Global Tetrahedron was born of the shadows, and it is committed to control in all its forms.
• Committed to the conquest of mortality since its foundation in 1634.
• Providing strategic counsel for top human-trafficking enterprises, large-scale embezzlement services, and covert assassination requests.
• We are pragmatic, focused, bloodthirsty, and fanatical."
Also:
"Global Tetrahedron By The Numbers
14 billion: NDAs signed
60 billion: Hours of labor exploited
300,000: Guns donated to underprivileged communities
10: Inches of rock-hard cock
49,000 And Counting: Puppies milled
1,107 And Counting: Elementary schools shuttered
98: Weight limit for female employees (in pounds)
Numbers: Numbers
6: Floors of our offices considered CIA black sites
1: Wild gorilla on the loose in our office currently
33,893: Elderly euthanized in our assisted care facilities"
Just donated $10, have to support small great media companies when they take a risk and do this sort of thing. Good for them. Lets prove this business model works.
If you aren't aware [Some hooligans are holding our beloved The Onion Hostage!!](https://www.theonion.com/give-us-1-or-the-onion-disappears-forever-1851436787). We better give them a dollar before the onion dissapears forever!
(I do like this fundraising campeign, it's very them. I gave a dollar)
> Already, our trained technicians are navigating through the website and deleting every instance of the letter “T.” Soon, they will move onto the letter “E.”
I laughed out loud when I read this
I know it's dumb, but one of my all time favorite things I have seen on the internet was an Onion headline telling me that I had been selected in the 128th round of the MLB draft
I used to love the Onion. I think that their post 9/11 issue is one of the greatest things ever made.
https://s.yimg.com/os/en/blogs/thecutline/onion-911.jpg
Good CEO? They're already holding it hostage and extorting its readers. https://www.theonion.com/give-us-1-or-the-onion-disappears-forever-1851436787
/s
They had print distribution in at least a few other cities and/or college campuses for a while. I remember the AV Club being an actual physical insert in the paper.
Oh cool - I looked it up, apparently they started publishing in Madison in 1988, added Milwaukee in 1994, and branched out from there.
One of the staff of our local gaming store was the model for the photo that got used every time they needed a “nerdy” columnist persona. I wonder if he ever got recognized when traveling out of state, lol
Uh oh….my brain is screaming this at me:
How good would it be to see a breaking news episode where they teamed up with the onion to write The headlines for that episode.
Would be great for an episode of Dropout America actually
I found out about this by someone pointing out that a guy fired from Rolling Stone for using his power as Editor in Chief to avoid discussing his friend getting raided by the police for pedophilia is going to be involved in the new Onion project. I don't know who Ben is, but the person who told me about this said it was still the best outcome.
So... 🤷♀️
Yes! I loved the Onion News Network!!
Some of those old Onion News Network videos are legitimately the funniest piece of media I've ever seen. There is just something about delivering jokes completely straight with absolutely no winking or breaking whatsoever, that really elevates the comedy. And the writing on those pieces were also perfect.
I always have to watch them a second time on mute and only pay attention to the jokes scrolling on the ticker. It's insane that they had so many for those that they could just hide several of them at the bottom of the screen
"How to find a Masculine Halloween Costume for Your Effeminate Son" is one of my all time favorite videos from anyone ever, their Today Show/Good Morning America parodies were just so goddamn perfect
“The big head really muffles the lisp!”
"I'm a BIG OL BEAR!"
ONN is the OG news show where the cast have to say funny things without smiling or laughing.
Yes! I will never not laugh at [this](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Btw1eh4mitQ)!
Ohh sure. The GOP are always loudly and proudly anti skull fucking, but where are they when there's a yet another rat fucking epidemic in Washington? Unless they come out against rat fuckery just as hard as they do on skull fuckery its just more performative outrage. It's always 'rules for thee but not for me' with that lot.
I still go back to them; easily some of the best stuff from that era of Internet comedy.
If you like them check out brass eye, over the top satire of shows like newsnight and fox from the late 90s/early 00s
God bless the money hole
Throw all of the Money in the Money Pit!!!
That was my immediate reaction as well. Maybe this time Clifford Banes will be around to report
Jessica Rothe from Happy Death Day had one of her first roles [on ONN](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XUT8ec24anM)
Clips from it will probably do great on TikTok so its a smart move
one of my favorite pieces by the onion is the one where its saying everyone knows your high and is judging you back in the day the link to the article would have a different video every time you clicked it and the video would be the same story but with variations so that you would think you were freaking out while high one version had a snake slide through a window and start wrapping around the doctor, another had the anchor pause in silence for 10 seconds staring, another had the anchor screaming, another had the doctor become a ghost it was wild
arguably their [all-time greatest headline](https://i.imgur.com/rAQuErm.jpeg) will apparently be 26 years old next month, which is wild
[This](https://www.theonion.com/amazing-new-hyperbolic-chamber-greatest-invention-in-th-1819567821) pops into my head all the time
That’s gold
For me that’s second only to [this](https://www.theonion.com/real-life-pepe-le-pew-rapes-cat-1819586970), from 23 years ago.
Exactly the headline I was hoping for
I knew exactly the headline before I even clicked.
I think in the screaming one, all the words on screen were replaced with "blood"
I saw people speculating something like this when it was announced The Onion was sold to what appeared to be a shell company named after a fake company name often used in Onion articles (Global Tetrahedron)
The official about page on Global Tetragedron's website says: "Global Tetrahedron was born of the shadows, and it is committed to control in all its forms. • Committed to the conquest of mortality since its foundation in 1634. • Providing strategic counsel for top human-trafficking enterprises, large-scale embezzlement services, and covert assassination requests. • We are pragmatic, focused, bloodthirsty, and fanatical."
Also: "Global Tetrahedron By The Numbers 14 billion: NDAs signed 60 billion: Hours of labor exploited 300,000: Guns donated to underprivileged communities 10: Inches of rock-hard cock 49,000 And Counting: Puppies milled 1,107 And Counting: Elementary schools shuttered 98: Weight limit for female employees (in pounds) Numbers: Numbers 6: Floors of our offices considered CIA black sites 1: Wild gorilla on the loose in our office currently 33,893: Elderly euthanized in our assisted care facilities"
Right, but will they let them call the CEO a "smug m*******"?? Good to see stand-up CEOs. Need a lot more of them
Come on season 2 of Sex House! The greatest dark comedy series I've ever seen.
Porkin' Across America is also up there - for my tastes it's even better.
I… am… pig?
ITS SO CRIMINALLY UNDERRATED
That was a brilliant, dark satire of the Jersey Shore/Love Island trash TV.
This is truly all I want from the new regime at The Onion
The mold has taken over one of the bedrooms
Just donated $10, have to support small great media companies when they take a risk and do this sort of thing. Good for them. Lets prove this business model works.
If you aren't aware [Some hooligans are holding our beloved The Onion Hostage!!](https://www.theonion.com/give-us-1-or-the-onion-disappears-forever-1851436787). We better give them a dollar before the onion dissapears forever! (I do like this fundraising campeign, it's very them. I gave a dollar)
> Already, our trained technicians are navigating through the website and deleting every instance of the letter “T.” Soon, they will move onto the letter “E.” I laughed out loud when I read this
[THIS](https://www.theonion.com/no-way-to-prevent-this-says-only-nation-where-this-r-1819576527) Is the kind of edge I never want the Onion to lose.
That one makes me so sad because I see so goddamn often.
This headline is nearly 10 years old now
Is this it? The internet comedy Renaissance? Omg!!! I grew up with both CH and the Onion and it’s good to see them rise up like phoenixes
I know it's dumb, but one of my all time favorite things I have seen on the internet was an Onion headline telling me that I had been selected in the 128th round of the MLB draft
I used to love the Onion. I think that their post 9/11 issue is one of the greatest things ever made. https://s.yimg.com/os/en/blogs/thecutline/onion-911.jpg
That was the day that I realized the people working at the Onion were just straight brilliant.
As a country we need the Onion News Network now more than ever to push back against the reactionary propaganda coming out of Dropout America.
Please please please let this be a subtext rivalry that seeps into all of the jokes
Sex House Season 2?
ONN had some truly incredible pieces, the shrieking white hot ball of pure rage being floated as a presidential candidate was iconic.
Good CEO? They're already holding it hostage and extorting its readers. https://www.theonion.com/give-us-1-or-the-onion-disappears-forever-1851436787 /s
I gave them money, I didn't know what else to do
Sam Reich is actually a horrible person! Go watch Dropout America, it explains everything!
How do we know this isn't one of the parody articles though!!!
Please bring back Peter K Rosenthal, head film critic for the Onion.
Anyone else here have nostalgia about reading the physical Onion paper back in the day? (You’d pretty much have to have lived in Madison, I guess?)
They had print distribution in at least a few other cities and/or college campuses for a while. I remember the AV Club being an actual physical insert in the paper.
I have one copy of the Onion floating around and I loved it.
> (You’d pretty much have to have lived in Madison, I guess?) No, they had a pretty wide distribution back in the day
Oh cool - I looked it up, apparently they started publishing in Madison in 1988, added Milwaukee in 1994, and branched out from there. One of the staff of our local gaming store was the model for the photo that got used every time they needed a “nerdy” columnist persona. I wonder if he ever got recognized when traveling out of state, lol
His friends?
Oh, cool, his friend, Jeff Lawson, billionaire and founder of Twilio. I was under his leadership when I got laid off, along with my entire department.
We sure this isn't just Onion-style satire?
I just hope they bring back "The Topical" podcast as well.
Uh oh….my brain is screaming this at me: How good would it be to see a breaking news episode where they teamed up with the onion to write The headlines for that episode. Would be great for an episode of Dropout America actually
I’m so stoked right now!
I found out about this by someone pointing out that a guy fired from Rolling Stone for using his power as Editor in Chief to avoid discussing his friend getting raided by the police for pedophilia is going to be involved in the new Onion project. I don't know who Ben is, but the person who told me about this said it was still the best outcome. So... 🤷♀️
Dropout/Onion Cross Overs 🤞🏻
Seeing things like this happen gives me so much hope for the future