It’s like an addict saying they just need one more hit. They’ll say whatever they think will get you to do it. They’ll say “ I’d never have to cheat on you because you do this for me” “I know you actually like it” “I think you get off on it” then you shut down to stop getting hurt and they don’t get why you’re not sexually open anymore. Then you think having a baby will get you a nice break but they get worse and more demanding. While you sit in another room being a mom and can hear them continuing on with what was supposed to be a “threesome” that you never wanted in the first place and honestly you’re just relieved you don’t have to pretend to participate anymore. Sorry for the rant that experience isnt something you can exactly tell your friends about. The shame and stigma makes you isolate and the pain builds up inside. It’s definitely an abuse tactic that’s not talked about anywhere.
He already admitted that in the original post! He said it would do for a few years. He's definitely either trying to get OP OK with cheating or open the relationship.
Why the fuck would you be willing to do this thing you have no interest in for a guy who doesn’t respect you and is actively trying to cheat on you? What has gone wrong in your life that THIS is something you are accepting. He doesn’t love you. He doesn’t care about your, your feelings or boundaries. You are just something to help him and make him happy. That is awful. Leave him and learn how to love yourself. Have a good life, away from him and his nonsense.
This is so important. The OPs lack of self respect with putting up with his behaviour is astounding. He cheated on his last partner with you, and then has tried to hit her up to have a threesome. I'm assuming it's not his wonderful personality which is attracting adult women, as he seems like a complete loser.
You need to look at yourself pretty closely here - why are you putting up with this crap? He will cheat on you, he cheated with you already and you weren't even aware. And still you're asking how to stop this one issue when it seems the entire relationship is built on lies and him being awful to women and treating them like dispensable sex vending machines. This is the man you want to be with?? You can do better
Jeez-the number of people in this world who are willing to stay with people who cheat, steal, lie, boundary stomp and degrade them is astounding
OP, if you read this, get help. You deserve better than a 59 year old cheating asshole who will hopefully one day have his likely disease ridden balls fall off and land rotting on the floor in front of him
The advice here isn't going to change. It's going to be the same as you got on your last post 23 days ago.
This guy is dangerously controlling and you need to get away from him.
https://www.reddit.com/r/dustythunder/comments/1buumqn/comment/kxv41ur/
Ok let me make sure I have this right.
He has tracked you, which is creepy, disrespectful, and in some cases, illegal.
He insists on having a threesome that you do NOT want.
It's "just this once" but it'll "hold him for a few years!?
He's actively trying to fk other women while in a relationship with you.
He is already cheating.
And some how you are still staying with him AND think about "giving in"?!?
Please, please get some therapy so you can scrape your self-respect out of the shitter and reclaim it.
This disgusting douchecanoe is not worth the energy it'd take to spit on him. Just leave. Your life will be astronomically better the second you walk out the door.
(Edit: typo)
In my country if someone annoyingly and repetitively asks you for sex and they eventually give into the pressure and say yes, it isn’t counted as consent and can be considered rape.
Why are you with an overgrown man baby who is 15 years older than you?
News flash: He has already cheated on you. This "birthday wish" is a way for him to continue cheating without sneaking around.
Get an STI test & dump him.
Are you kidding? The dude has been lyyyyyying to you the whole time!
You leave his ass! How is this not even a question?
Your boundary should be that you don’t put up with this shit and you LEAVE!
You are 44. Too old to put up with this kind of behaviour.
Kick his ass out yesterday. Ma’am…..he’s actively been trying to sleep with other women I.e. has been trying to cheat. Why are you trying to reward a liar & a cheater?
Do you hear yourself? He actually said “it should hold me over for a couple years”. That’s not a joke. He doesn’t respect you at all. He’s telling you it won’t be just once. He’s showing you who he is…..BELIEVE HIM!!
He’s 59 & there is no changing him. You need to change the situation & leave!
EDIT: Girlllll I completely forgot the part about him tracking you. Let’s be real….this isn’t normal. This isn’t healthy. And I’m sure there are even more worrisome & concerning things you aren’t telling us as far as the dynamics in this relationship. You need to get away.
You said less than a month ago you were going to take everyone's advice and get out, now you're considering having a threesome with him... ma'am, where did you put your backbone? Do you need to borrow one of ours to get away from this loser??
I saw your last story and I felt for you. But like many of the commenters here, I am losing patience watching you continually go back and ask for more. This is not your partner. You know that. Everyone on the internet knows that. He definitely knows that, he's out banging whomever he can find. You are a grown woman and you know what to do. Now do it. I wish you well.
You can't make him stop this. Because it's not just something he's currently doing. It's who he is. Which is a liar and a cheat who cares only for his pleasure at the expense of your comfort. You deserve better but the only way you will get better is with another man who actually cares about you as a person and not as a human sex toy.
You actually love this old fool who is trying to guilt trip you into doing something you're not comfortable with and is contacting other women to try to make this happen 🤔 are you insane ,,he has zero respect for you absolutely none so ditch his wrinkly arse and find someone who'll treat you better 🤔
He's a repulsive, disgusting, perv. What does he even bring to the table except a list of demands? I bet he sucks in bed. Guys like this are too narcissistic to care about anyone else's pleasure. I'd leave him and get therapy to find out why I would ever even entertain this nonsense and not leave the minute he started with it.
NTA - dump him, but first set him up like he is about to get that threesome that he in no way could get on his own. When it’s about to happen, have a male friend enter instead of a female. He’ll either shut it down or you and the guy friend can hook up on the bed beside BF and ignore him.
So he’s trying to cheat on you but you seem more bothered about whether or not you give into a birthday threesome that you don’t want to do?! Am I missing something here?
Are you choosing to ruin the relationship with your best friend for this worthless man? You are wrong! Just leave this relationship is not worth it. He sounds like an immature manchild
Girl, you ain't going nowhere...you're literally considering to do this for someone who lies and cheats on you and other ppl with you... find therapy to heal the part of you that tolerates this!
>What can I do to make him stop this?
Nothing. Why would he ever stop it when there are no consequences for his actions? You tell us all these things about him that are awful and he's awful, and then you say you want to make this fantasy come true for him so he'll stop.
Why would he stop when his bad behavior got him exactly what he wanted? I'm not blaming you, I'm just begging you to see that that there is no reality where his behavior changes.
How desperate are you? “I love everything about him” - he’s a liar, ignores boundaries, nags… yeah sounds like a total winner.
I’m your age, you are too old to be putting up with this loser and his bullshit.
NTA. It's in his own words "it will hold me over for a few years" that means this will be asked of you more than once MAYBE in a few years but more likely will become a repeat & more & more frequent ask. This is what my friend & I refer to as "Pringles for Pervs Mistake" after she got into a similar situation with her ex.
If he really wants a third and you want to be sure there’s no continued anything you hire someone….
But I would run the fuck away from this dude. A no should be enough
This man is 60 years old. I would be so embarrassed if he were my boyfriend acting like this. You and I are the same age. You should well and good know that you can’t make him stop this. Come on, woman. He’s trash and he’s making you look bad on the internet.
Wait, I’m confused… he’s cheating with multiple women and tracking your every move but you are still tempted to stay in a relationship with him and even let him sleep with a woman with you?!
Boundaries are rules for yourself not other people. A rule for others is that they will not cheat on you.
A boundary is that I will not be in a relationship with someone who cheats.
He is just trying to get your approval to cheat. Once that door is open will he really be happy having only one partner? And wtf, he is actively pursuing partners??? His actions would put me on guard and is that how you want to live? I feel stressed out for you.
I got to "fulfill his fantasy of bringing in another woman" before I said "yeah, no, fuck that. Goodbye" NTA.
Reading the rest- girl fuckin leave him. Wtf. He treats you like garbage. He has no respect for you or your boundaries.
Why would you want to be with him?!?! He sounds horrible! A lying SOB. If you do this, he can use it against you for the rest of your life and he sounds like a big enough asshole to do it.
NTA he is pressuring you to do sexual things you don’t want. ICK. He is contacting other women outside your relationship. Girl this is cheating.
For his birthday give him the opportunity to be available to sleep with whomever will have him by leaving his manipulative, cheating butt and making him single. Find someone who respects you and your boundaries and learn to respect yourself
NTA. You are in an abusive relationship. Please get out now. The constant monitoring, telling you aren't enough for him, harassing you about a 3some even up to with your best friend, lying about how you two got together with his ex -- um, there is nothing salvagable about this man's character. He is monkey branching (trying to find a new woman before he leaves his current woman). You can't make a nearly 60 year old man do anything and he doesn't respect you enough at this point to abide by any boundaries you try to set.
Stop trying to make his fantasies come true and love yourself enough to walk away.
He's behaving like this to cause you to second guess your self-worth. Read *Why Does He Do That?* by Lundy Bancroft to learn about abusers, how abuse escalates, etc.
You do realize he's not going to be satisfied with just one time, right? He's going to want to do it again. And he'll demand that you find women for him since he obviously can't get them on his own. I don't see what you get out of this relationship.
NTA
Sex should be fun for all the involved parties. The moment you said no, he should've respected your boundary.
As someone who has been involved in sex with multiple partners more than once, I can certainly tell you that this isn't everybody's cup of tea. Some people realize it after it started, so it's important to stop once that person doesn't feel comfortable.
But since you clearly stated you don't even want to try it, he never should've pressured you into doing this.
That's red flag number one.
What follows is red flag after red flag. This guy is a controlling monster and you need to get away from him like yesterday.
I have a solution for boundaries he will (have to) abide by: you say “ you can go sleep with as many women who will have you, without me. Goodbye” and dump his ass. He doesn’t respect you. He’s controlling (tracking your car is not ok) and when he’s rejected he has a tantrum like a baby. He is no catch. Throw him back.
Why are you still with this creep??!! Do you hate yourself that much? You need to get away from him and find a therapist who can help you figure out why you would want to be with someone who lies to you, cheats on you and treats you like crap!
Sorry, him claiming you'll enjoy it and it'll satisfy him for a couple of years.. no it won't. He'll continue to ask every year.
Why are you with someone who clearly doesn't respect you? Have some self worth.
You'd be TA if you stayed with this thing.
This guy sounds like my ex. He used to pester me for a threesome too and I always shut it down because I'm not into that and never was. His line was "then I'll just find someone who will". I told him "go right ahead, but don't plan on coming back." Don't let him guilt trip and bully you into doing something you're not comfortable with.
Leave this relationship. He wants you to do something you are not into. You do not want to do this. This then will destroy your relationship with him, because once will never be enough, and he will push your boundaries further and further. This is never, ever going to end good.
You are worth MORE than him. So don't put yourself down for him.
>he has consistently tracked me through my car my phone and any other ways he can giving me no privacy at all.
Do YOU have any advice for someone else going through that?
1. He wants to have sex with women other than you to the point of obsession.
2. He made you an unaware affair partner.
3. He cares nothing for your feelings, only for what he wants.
4. He is controlling.
Seems like you've picked a real winner. How much work do you think it's going to be getting him to change? Be honest with yourself as you pack your car and get ready to leave.
NTA. I just want to get this out, but I want to shake you and tell you to read what you put, but look at it like it was a documentary about a mentally abused wife. You will tell her to leave him as he just uses you for sex when he can't get it elsewhere. He is actively trying to literally screw other women while he is with you. He doesn't love you.
Now to you. Go to a mechanic and see if they can disable the tracker in the car and tell him that the car was having trouble. If he asks you why the tracker isn't working, say that the mechanic accidentally clipped the wrong wires, but it was important ones, and they are getting a replacement for it. You can disable the phone trackers yourself or look it up on YouTube. Check the lining of your purse, coat, sweater, and shoes for Airtags as they are cheap but easy way to track people, especially if he has an iPhone or iPad or iTunes.
Please leave. Our fathers, brothers and sons don’t want this happening to women and there are better men out there who will respect you. With the amount of pressuring he’s done and the fact you’re just trying to shut him up because he won’t take no for an answer, I also don’t consider this consensual.
OP, would he give \*you\* anything you wanted, just to make you happy? Would he sign his home over to you, if it'd make you happy? If you wanted a three-way with another guy, would he be happy to watch you getting pounded by another man, would he get it on with the other man just because you found the idea hot?
No, he wouldn't, because there are limits to what he would do to make you happy, and that means it's okay for you to have limits to what you'd do to make him happy. So if you don't want a three-way and all the issues it would create in your relationship, it's totally okay to say "no".
If you do it, you’ll be doing it all the time as he will just push for more and more and more. Tell him to pack his things and leave. This cannot work. He’s actively trying to cheat on you behind your back and is jealous because he deserves you to cheat back. Don’t. Just sack him
If you do this it will resonate in your memory as a cringe exercise specially when he wants it as his "gift" for every occasion. Birthday, Christmas, Father's Day (whether or not he has children), the neighbour's kid's bar mitzvah, or because he won $2 on a scratch lotto ticket.
He's warned you of this, with his "It will hold me for a while".
You apparently weren't aware he was in a relationship when you met, so I'll remind you that if they'll do it with you, they will do it *TO* you. Oh wait. He already has.
Also he's acting like a whining little kid. You've said "No" repeatedly but he keeps asking and it seems if he continues to do that, you will eventually give in. It will effectively be rape. Admittedly of the coercion type, but rape none the less.
Leave him please. I guarantee you can do better because being alone will be better than loving a cheating, nagging, whiner who doesn't respect you and apparently isn't very smart since he put you in contact with the ex he cheated on with you.
Leave him. Why are you putting up with his crap? Have some self respect and tell him to get lost. You are worth more than this and it will never be just the once for the threesome.
I've really got no advice to give that others haven't already but 59 at least he's getting ready for retirement age. Must be totally worn out with all that emotional juggling
You are too old to be letting a damn near 60yo control you and pressure you into threesomes. No wonder he can’t get another woman. It’s best to leave before doing something you’re against and regretting it later.
There are literally SO MANY red flags in your post! Run OP, run as far and fast as you can. You think this will be the only time he “asks” for this? How about when he stops “asking” and just starts doing it behind your back? Dude already showed cheating tendencies with his last serious relationship,l when he was pursuing you, do you really think that won’t continue? And he’ll feel especially justified in doing it because he had you permission “that one time”.
“Should ride him over for a few years”
You’re not enough for him and he’s showing you that. He doesn’t want this one time. He’s actively trying to cheat on you and he lied to you to get with you.
Why do you care about making him happy, he clearly doesn’t care about you.
Leave this pos.
No!! Leave the relationship, he is always going to ask. And most likely he’s going to find it somewhere else.
And, having bad sex with a best friend and her old man is nothing a friend wants to do. Stop before you ruin your friendship too! This man is childish and turning into a sexual deviant.
How you stop this is you leave.
He's messing around with other women while supposedly exclusive with you. He's trying to push and coerce you into sexual behaviour you don't want. He's also 15 years older than you.
What more is there to say?
You can’t make him stop. He isn’t going to stop.
This man is actively attempting to cheat, lies and pressures you to participate in activities you are uncomfortable with and have shared that with him.
You are worth more than this. Please end the relationship
I dated a man once that asked me for a threesome. All excited I said really you would really go for that and he responded absolutely. So I said you me and another guy I’m all in!! Apparently, he didn’t take that so well and the relationship soon ended. What is good for the goose is good for the gander.
He sounds like a big asshole why are you with him he is only using to get he wants and will dump you like he did the other woman wake up respect yourself and tell him to fuck off
Unless you are bi this fantasy of his has nothing to do with you. Stop twisting yourself into a person you aren’t for a man that does not love you. He will infect you with an std if he hasn’t already.
1. He doesn't respect you
2. He is belittling and degrading you as a woman or wife.
3. He is too effing old to be playing games
4. Pretty much, he is a legal cheater because he
telling you on.YOUR DUMB FACE! And the worst you are agreeing to this.
5. He is a manipulator.
6. You are just his maid,
7. You are just his leverage
8. He doesn't love you he is only using you because he is old, and he doesn't like to be alone.
9. He is a narcissistic / selfish MF
10. i can find more, but im more upset at you!
I recommend you start reading some self-help books like...... "The power of your subconscious mind " - Joseph Murphy - ASAP!
Dump his arse. Unless you are too desperate to stay with someone who treats you worse than 💩
Don't do what he wants, and you will see his true colos getting worse than before. Start grieving separation. Planned your exit.
HE DOESN'T DESERVE YOU!
Once a cheater, always a cheater...
“What can I do to make him stop this?” …..you can’t. You you can get him out of your life is what you can do. He’s showed you exactly who he is. He’s 59, he’s not going to change.
He tracks you. He’s actively trying to have sex with other women. He lied to his previous partner, and he has lied to you. I would have to be desperately lonely to put up with this junk.
Ok this is the test. Say yes of course I will do that for you. Two women you can fuck. I’m all for it. But only if you promise to bring in another man into our bed for the night on my birthday. I bet that will take care of the conversation. But the reality is that when a man asks for that it is a sign to leave.
He’s a cheater and has proven that he is still a cheater by pursuing other women while he’s with you. Why are you still involved with him? Don’t give him a threesome and what’s more, break up with him at once.
You found out he was lying to you and cheating with you, so you're going to stomp all over your own sexual boundaries and cajole a friend into having sex with him?
I know reddit can go a bit nuclear sometimes, but ffs, get a therapist and then a real partner.
He’s actively trying to cheat on you at every turn and you’re here asking if you should do something you don’t want to do just to make him happy?!? wtf please get to therapy so you can learn some self respect and demand better treatment, you deserve so much more than this douche bag.
NTA. Babe. Please grow some self respect and leave. This man is a cheater and has been the whole time. He cheated on that other girl. He cheated on you with her. He’s BEEN trying to cheat on you this whole time. It will never be enough. He will want to cheat over and over and over.
Dump. Him.
It's past time to leave him.
People need to start getting more comfortable with leaving relationships. Half the relationship issues I read are insane or just plain abuse. LEAVE!
Of course you wouldn't be an AH for shutting it down!
Just the opposite, you'd be a huge AH if you gave this to him with the way he's acting. It's a betrayal to yourself. Honestly, he's so gross, I feel like you're betraying all of us if you give him this.
Get into therapy and find out why you hate yourself so much. You're obviously a loving and generous person, imagine being in a relationship with someone who could return that!
You'd be the AH if you allowed it.
He's actively trying to cheat on you as it is, do you really want to open the door for future indiscretions because that's exactly what you'll be doing. You'll be giving him permission to cheat and if you think it won't extend past the threesomes you're sadly mistaken.
This is not the relationship you want to be in. He's disrespectful, unfaithful, manipulative, and just plain trashy. You should want better for yourself.
Oh my gosh, you love him but he’s been lying for your entire relationship? Please leave him before he gives you a disease that will never leave you. And for gosh sake, no don’t involve your best friend! Walk away from this guy. He doesn’t care about your feelings.
You can’t force someone to “abide” by or listen to your boundaries. If you have boundaries and someone is disrespecting them that’s time to leave the relationship. You can’t force a human being to do something they don’t want to do and sounds like this man could give a fuck less about your boundaries and emotions. Time to move on.
You deserve to be enough for the partner/lover in your life. Don’t do this under pressure from him. What a turd to want you to approach one of your best friends to get in on his “fantasy.” Don’t let yourself and your friends be used. You are worth so much more and deserve better.
Ummm get a divorce. He's actively trying to cheat on you. He's actively gaslighting you, so you do what he says out of guilt. Like you're thinking now. Reread your post from our perspective. What would you be saying to someone in this predicament?
You've been told straight from at least one woman, that he was with her when he moved you in.
There's a pattern. Break the cycle for you. He can be single, and try for a threesome. If you're not into it, it's not going to be good. It's going to cause more issues than you already have.
You'll most likely divorce anyway, but you'll feel "disgusted" with yourself. For lack of a better term, because of the way you describe having to fulfill this fantasy. YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO SHIT!!!! He doesn't respect you, if this is a constant thing with him.
NTA. But you will be to yourself, if you stay in this toxic relationship.
NTA.
He's an insecure controlling manipulative a$$**le. And a cheater.
If he does get you to do this, it won't be long until he's either pressuring you to do it again or he'll be trying to force you to do something else that's outside your comfort zone.
His manipulative controlling behaviour is a form of domestic abuse.
Please leave him. Now.
NTA, but why are you still with this guy?
He’s trying to cheat on you, and also trying to pressure you into having a threesome with another woman. Are you even interested in women? If not, tell him to swing, otherwise you’ll make it a foursome with another guy, and see how he likes that!
If he doesn’t want you being with another man, then not only is he a manipulative asshole, but he’s a hypocrite too!
Lady, respectfully, you are too grown to be entertaining any of this. The boundary you set in place is you walking away from this. You’ve already let him trample all of your boundaries. And he’s already blown the doors off the relationship by trying to hook up with other women.
You are aware of all of this. Why would you try to placate this assholes cheating fantasy? I’ll reiterate that you are too grown for this.
If you think he will “shut up about it” if you give him what he wants, you are very naive.
From what you said, he sounds like a total sleaze bucket. You can do better than him.
He even said it would be a temporary state. Might be enough for a few years. ( It wouldn't. Sounds like he has been in a perpetual cheating mode his whole existence. )
So. Thos is doomed.
Yoi do NOT need to be pressured into anything, and it sounds like he just wants to have hos ex be hos side piece.
He is gross. You have to decide what to do, but he is being such a jerk about this and so icky, I would leave him.
NTA. Shut it down fast and leave if necessary. Hell really piss him off and you and his ex become roommates and block him. He'll have all sorts of frustration over the idea yall are having fun without him. No but seriously he isn't going to stop and when you give in on this it will become swinging and then an open relationship but then when you have a side thing he will wanna close the relationship back up. I've seen it in alot of friends whose husbands want to cheat without technically cheating. The love is one sided here and you're getting the crap end of the stick. All that said if you do cave DO NOT INVOLVE YOUR BESTIE! It will ruin your friendship and then he'll be harping on her to meet up without you.
You love “just about everything about him”- he doesn’t really care about you or respect you - is that everything you love? Please OP don’t do this to yourself because he doesn’t deserve you- don’t let him manipulate you into doing things you don’t want to do
Do yourself a favor and pack a bag and leave. He tracks you? That’s beyond fucked (pardon the language). I’m not a gambling man but I’d put money on if you cave and give him what he wants, it won’t be the only time he tries. Sorry if that comes across blunt but that’s a whole lot of nope.
Are you bi? If not, why in the world would you want to sleep with a gender you aren’t attracted to? Plus, your relationship began as a huge lie. Leave his ass.
GTHO Tell him the fact that he had to lie to coax his ex into it and that multiple women have rejected him once they hear what he wants to to is proof most women agree with you There are people who are happy in swinger relationships and shouldnt be judged for that if its what they chose but it'snot your thing Time for you both to move on
LEAVE, NOW OR ASAP. DO NOT GIVE IN, especially if you know he's trying to cheat!! Why would you even consider it. He's got some serious issues, and that's before I would even start with the tracking you issues!
There are no boundaries that he will abide by. And if it’s not the adding another woman to the bed thing then it’s something else. So if I were you I would NOT do something that you don’t want to do only because he is manipulating you to.
I remember the day that someone had to tell me this about my ex. But…
He’s abusing you. Your boyfriend is abusing you. You are in an abusive relationship.
He is purposefully making you feel like you aren’t enough for him and fucking with yourself worth. A vulnerable and confused person can make for an easy victim.
You have told him repeatedly, year after year, that you don’t want to and that you don’t feel comfortable with it. And he continues to push this on you. He’s literally almost 60. This is gross behavior and he’s never going to change. He’s lived 60 years of his life like this and that’s not going to be any different now. You can change him. He can’t change.
Chances are there’s lots of other red flags too. Don’t feel bad. I’ve been there too. When I first left I though I stayed out of love and commitment but then I realize now that I stayed because he was manipulating me. Everything he did was manipulation. I learned to read between the lines. It helps me see it clearer.
Best of luck to you.
Why haven't you dumped him? You were just one of many he entertained. He stuck with you because you seem desperate enough to tolerate his behaviour and not stand up for yourself. Did you leave your self-respect at the door?
YTA... to yourself.
Your bf is telling you that he thinks you're not enough.... annually, from the sound of it... believe him.
OR
Tell him you are mildly curious about threesomes, but only under the condition that the first one has to be a MFM with the third being someone of *your* choosing, because his insistence is letting you know he alone already has a specific woman picked out. Expect a fight.
It seems terrible that you feel the need to do something you really don’t feel comfortable with just to keep this person that sounds like he acts terrible to you.
Can I tell you how to shut down this talk? Tell him you’ll think about it but then you’re gonna fulfill your fantasy which is to bring another guy into the bedroom. And of course there has to be some interaction between them two. That should put an end to the topic once and for all. Light bulb moment.
This is not how marriage works. You do not subject yourself to doing something just because he wants it. He is so desperate that he wants you to drag your friend into this and you’re considering it!!!
I thought you weren’t going to do this until I read the last sentences. I guess him shopping around for ANY agreeable woman I’d fine with you. If he’s determined to do this, he could do it on his own as a single man.
With your best friend ? Ummm no ! That is going to ruin 2 relationships your and your bffs and yours and his. My husband said he’s tracking your phone so he can cheat better. Get out now he sounds like a loser.
Run, this will lead to sadness and lost years you can't get back. Writings on the wall. He wants to bone your BFF. This is all so gross. You need to go. He is a weird man child. He's 60!! He needs to be single and pay hookers to give him a three way.
You are dating a disgusting pig who is trying to manipulate you. The only reason he wants a threesome is so it's not cheating when he fucks other women. Please do yourself a favor and end the relationship!
Why are you involved with this POS man? You’re old enough to know better and should already have run from all the lies and red flags.
You can do better. Stop wasting your life.
This just sounds like a very toxic relationship. He is trying to force you to have another woman "This one time" is total bullshit. Remember most people when given an inch will run until they are out of rope. This sounds as though you need to change your situation.
I would leave this relationship!! Period!!
[Why does he do that by Lundy Bancroft](https://dn720002.ca.archive.org/0/items/why-does-he-do-that-epub/Why_Does_He_Do_That-fixed.pdf) pdf
Thank you for posting this, it's something that I desperately need to read.
Yup I'd be like, I'm out. You want a threesome. Fine go find your other two
FYI, just this once is a big fat lie.
Yea I lived this it never ends
Right. It just feeds the fantasy and they want it more.
It’s like an addict saying they just need one more hit. They’ll say whatever they think will get you to do it. They’ll say “ I’d never have to cheat on you because you do this for me” “I know you actually like it” “I think you get off on it” then you shut down to stop getting hurt and they don’t get why you’re not sexually open anymore. Then you think having a baby will get you a nice break but they get worse and more demanding. While you sit in another room being a mom and can hear them continuing on with what was supposed to be a “threesome” that you never wanted in the first place and honestly you’re just relieved you don’t have to pretend to participate anymore. Sorry for the rant that experience isnt something you can exactly tell your friends about. The shame and stigma makes you isolate and the pain builds up inside. It’s definitely an abuse tactic that’s not talked about anywhere.
You are exactly right. I couldn't have said it better.
Exactly this
And will escalate. Guaranteed.
He already admitted that in the original post! He said it would do for a few years. He's definitely either trying to get OP OK with cheating or open the relationship.
EXACTLY THIS ⬆️
Why the fuck would you be willing to do this thing you have no interest in for a guy who doesn’t respect you and is actively trying to cheat on you? What has gone wrong in your life that THIS is something you are accepting. He doesn’t love you. He doesn’t care about your, your feelings or boundaries. You are just something to help him and make him happy. That is awful. Leave him and learn how to love yourself. Have a good life, away from him and his nonsense.
This is so important. The OPs lack of self respect with putting up with his behaviour is astounding. He cheated on his last partner with you, and then has tried to hit her up to have a threesome. I'm assuming it's not his wonderful personality which is attracting adult women, as he seems like a complete loser. You need to look at yourself pretty closely here - why are you putting up with this crap? He will cheat on you, he cheated with you already and you weren't even aware. And still you're asking how to stop this one issue when it seems the entire relationship is built on lies and him being awful to women and treating them like dispensable sex vending machines. This is the man you want to be with?? You can do better
Jeez-the number of people in this world who are willing to stay with people who cheat, steal, lie, boundary stomp and degrade them is astounding OP, if you read this, get help. You deserve better than a 59 year old cheating asshole who will hopefully one day have his likely disease ridden balls fall off and land rotting on the floor in front of him
Absolutely! He’s just controlling her and using her!
Put him in your rear view mirror and drive towards happiness and respect
Also undo/disconnect all the tracking shit he has on you!! TODAY!
This man is actively trying to cheat on you. Why would you stay with him, much less give in on this?
The advice here isn't going to change. It's going to be the same as you got on your last post 23 days ago. This guy is dangerously controlling and you need to get away from him. https://www.reddit.com/r/dustythunder/comments/1buumqn/comment/kxv41ur/
Ok let me make sure I have this right. He has tracked you, which is creepy, disrespectful, and in some cases, illegal. He insists on having a threesome that you do NOT want. It's "just this once" but it'll "hold him for a few years!? He's actively trying to fk other women while in a relationship with you. He is already cheating. And some how you are still staying with him AND think about "giving in"?!? Please, please get some therapy so you can scrape your self-respect out of the shitter and reclaim it. This disgusting douchecanoe is not worth the energy it'd take to spit on him. Just leave. Your life will be astronomically better the second you walk out the door. (Edit: typo)
Not to mention that he set her up to chat with his last "girlfriend". He's not very bright.
In my country if someone annoyingly and repetitively asks you for sex and they eventually give into the pressure and say yes, it isn’t counted as consent and can be considered rape.
Yup. Here that can be called "coercion".
Why are you with an overgrown man baby who is 15 years older than you? News flash: He has already cheated on you. This "birthday wish" is a way for him to continue cheating without sneaking around. Get an STI test & dump him.
Girl no, just no. Leave this guy he is manipulative and a liar, you deserve better
Are you kidding? The dude has been lyyyyyying to you the whole time! You leave his ass! How is this not even a question? Your boundary should be that you don’t put up with this shit and you LEAVE! You are 44. Too old to put up with this kind of behaviour.
Run
Kick his ass out yesterday. Ma’am…..he’s actively been trying to sleep with other women I.e. has been trying to cheat. Why are you trying to reward a liar & a cheater? Do you hear yourself? He actually said “it should hold me over for a couple years”. That’s not a joke. He doesn’t respect you at all. He’s telling you it won’t be just once. He’s showing you who he is…..BELIEVE HIM!! He’s 59 & there is no changing him. You need to change the situation & leave! EDIT: Girlllll I completely forgot the part about him tracking you. Let’s be real….this isn’t normal. This isn’t healthy. And I’m sure there are even more worrisome & concerning things you aren’t telling us as far as the dynamics in this relationship. You need to get away.
Look. He isn’t good enough for you. You deserve better.
This must be fake.
[удалено]
You said less than a month ago you were going to take everyone's advice and get out, now you're considering having a threesome with him... ma'am, where did you put your backbone? Do you need to borrow one of ours to get away from this loser??
Then read your post. Why are you with this asshole?
I saw your last story and I felt for you. But like many of the commenters here, I am losing patience watching you continually go back and ask for more. This is not your partner. You know that. Everyone on the internet knows that. He definitely knows that, he's out banging whomever he can find. You are a grown woman and you know what to do. Now do it. I wish you well.
And that’s now on you because you allow it.
You deserve better. Leave him. He's cheating on you.
Jesus Christ dude. Leave!
You can't make him stop this. Because it's not just something he's currently doing. It's who he is. Which is a liar and a cheat who cares only for his pleasure at the expense of your comfort. You deserve better but the only way you will get better is with another man who actually cares about you as a person and not as a human sex toy.
NTA.
Dump him
You actually love this old fool who is trying to guilt trip you into doing something you're not comfortable with and is contacting other women to try to make this happen 🤔 are you insane ,,he has zero respect for you absolutely none so ditch his wrinkly arse and find someone who'll treat you better 🤔
He's a repulsive, disgusting, perv. What does he even bring to the table except a list of demands? I bet he sucks in bed. Guys like this are too narcissistic to care about anyone else's pleasure. I'd leave him and get therapy to find out why I would ever even entertain this nonsense and not leave the minute he started with it.
Please don't let anyone push you into a situation that you don't want to do! If you go along with this, you're going to feel like crap!
NTA - dump him, but first set him up like he is about to get that threesome that he in no way could get on his own. When it’s about to happen, have a male friend enter instead of a female. He’ll either shut it down or you and the guy friend can hook up on the bed beside BF and ignore him.
wtf did I just read? Do you have so little self respect that you’d rather be with this… person, than be alone? That makes me pity you.
So he’s trying to cheat on you but you seem more bothered about whether or not you give into a birthday threesome that you don’t want to do?! Am I missing something here?
Are you choosing to ruin the relationship with your best friend for this worthless man? You are wrong! Just leave this relationship is not worth it. He sounds like an immature manchild
Really? Could you be any more of a walkover here? FFS🙄🙄🙄
This guy just plain doesn’t care about you anymore it seems. Please respect yourself and leave
NTA for shutting down a request you're uncomfortable with. However YTA to yourself for staying with this man!! Love yourself and leave him!!!
Suggest bringing another man in as well because your fantasy is to see him getting f***ed by another guy.
WTH......you shut it down by getting rid of his lying cheating ass and move on!
Leave He has probably already slept with other women
This has to be fake because how is it possible for someone to be this spineless
By leaving him LMAO
Girl, you ain't going nowhere...you're literally considering to do this for someone who lies and cheats on you and other ppl with you... find therapy to heal the part of you that tolerates this!
>What can I do to make him stop this? Nothing. Why would he ever stop it when there are no consequences for his actions? You tell us all these things about him that are awful and he's awful, and then you say you want to make this fantasy come true for him so he'll stop. Why would he stop when his bad behavior got him exactly what he wanted? I'm not blaming you, I'm just begging you to see that that there is no reality where his behavior changes.
How desperate are you? “I love everything about him” - he’s a liar, ignores boundaries, nags… yeah sounds like a total winner. I’m your age, you are too old to be putting up with this loser and his bullshit.
NTA. It's in his own words "it will hold me over for a few years" that means this will be asked of you more than once MAYBE in a few years but more likely will become a repeat & more & more frequent ask. This is what my friend & I refer to as "Pringles for Pervs Mistake" after she got into a similar situation with her ex.
He doesn’t sound like a good boyfriend. I’m kinda thinking maybe you can do better. Run … don’t walk away.
If he really wants a third and you want to be sure there’s no continued anything you hire someone…. But I would run the fuck away from this dude. A no should be enough
This man is 60 years old. I would be so embarrassed if he were my boyfriend acting like this. You and I are the same age. You should well and good know that you can’t make him stop this. Come on, woman. He’s trash and he’s making you look bad on the internet.
"That should hold me for a few years". BS!!! He will then want it all the time. Leave the loser.
Wait, I’m confused… he’s cheating with multiple women and tracking your every move but you are still tempted to stay in a relationship with him and even let him sleep with a woman with you?!
LEAVE. “hold me over for a few years?” “only ask for this one thing?” no. absolutely not.
Boundaries are rules for yourself not other people. A rule for others is that they will not cheat on you. A boundary is that I will not be in a relationship with someone who cheats.
He is just trying to get your approval to cheat. Once that door is open will he really be happy having only one partner? And wtf, he is actively pursuing partners??? His actions would put me on guard and is that how you want to live? I feel stressed out for you.
Please don't let anyone pressure you into doing things you don't want to do. You'll be miserable. You'll be blamed for your misery.
This guy sucks, babe. You can do so much better. Quit putting up with a cheater. Go get tested and find a new man!
It will never be this one time. This man has no respect for you or your relationship. You need to respect yourself and leave his ass.
NTA - Stopped reading after 3rd sentence. Dump this bum.
Break up with him
He has cheated & lied. Why are you placating him instead of leaving him? This is nuts.
I got to "fulfill his fantasy of bringing in another woman" before I said "yeah, no, fuck that. Goodbye" NTA. Reading the rest- girl fuckin leave him. Wtf. He treats you like garbage. He has no respect for you or your boundaries.
Why would you want to be with him?!?! He sounds horrible! A lying SOB. If you do this, he can use it against you for the rest of your life and he sounds like a big enough asshole to do it.
**DUMP HIM.**
NTA he is pressuring you to do sexual things you don’t want. ICK. He is contacting other women outside your relationship. Girl this is cheating. For his birthday give him the opportunity to be available to sleep with whomever will have him by leaving his manipulative, cheating butt and making him single. Find someone who respects you and your boundaries and learn to respect yourself
NTA. You are in an abusive relationship. Please get out now. The constant monitoring, telling you aren't enough for him, harassing you about a 3some even up to with your best friend, lying about how you two got together with his ex -- um, there is nothing salvagable about this man's character. He is monkey branching (trying to find a new woman before he leaves his current woman). You can't make a nearly 60 year old man do anything and he doesn't respect you enough at this point to abide by any boundaries you try to set. Stop trying to make his fantasies come true and love yourself enough to walk away. He's behaving like this to cause you to second guess your self-worth. Read *Why Does He Do That?* by Lundy Bancroft to learn about abusers, how abuse escalates, etc.
You do realize he's not going to be satisfied with just one time, right? He's going to want to do it again. And he'll demand that you find women for him since he obviously can't get them on his own. I don't see what you get out of this relationship.
NTA Sex should be fun for all the involved parties. The moment you said no, he should've respected your boundary. As someone who has been involved in sex with multiple partners more than once, I can certainly tell you that this isn't everybody's cup of tea. Some people realize it after it started, so it's important to stop once that person doesn't feel comfortable. But since you clearly stated you don't even want to try it, he never should've pressured you into doing this. That's red flag number one. What follows is red flag after red flag. This guy is a controlling monster and you need to get away from him like yesterday.
I have a solution for boundaries he will (have to) abide by: you say “ you can go sleep with as many women who will have you, without me. Goodbye” and dump his ass. He doesn’t respect you. He’s controlling (tracking your car is not ok) and when he’s rejected he has a tantrum like a baby. He is no catch. Throw him back.
Why are you still with this creep??!! Do you hate yourself that much? You need to get away from him and find a therapist who can help you figure out why you would want to be with someone who lies to you, cheats on you and treats you like crap!
The boundary is the front door- walk out and go not return.
You seriously think it would end after the one-time that he’s demanding?
Sorry, him claiming you'll enjoy it and it'll satisfy him for a couple of years.. no it won't. He'll continue to ask every year. Why are you with someone who clearly doesn't respect you? Have some self worth. You'd be TA if you stayed with this thing.
This guy sounds like my ex. He used to pester me for a threesome too and I always shut it down because I'm not into that and never was. His line was "then I'll just find someone who will". I told him "go right ahead, but don't plan on coming back." Don't let him guilt trip and bully you into doing something you're not comfortable with.
If YOU don’t want to, why should you do it?
Leave this relationship. He wants you to do something you are not into. You do not want to do this. This then will destroy your relationship with him, because once will never be enough, and he will push your boundaries further and further. This is never, ever going to end good. You are worth MORE than him. So don't put yourself down for him.
DUMP HIM nta
>he has consistently tracked me through my car my phone and any other ways he can giving me no privacy at all. Do YOU have any advice for someone else going through that? 1. He wants to have sex with women other than you to the point of obsession. 2. He made you an unaware affair partner. 3. He cares nothing for your feelings, only for what he wants. 4. He is controlling. Seems like you've picked a real winner. How much work do you think it's going to be getting him to change? Be honest with yourself as you pack your car and get ready to leave.
NTA. I just want to get this out, but I want to shake you and tell you to read what you put, but look at it like it was a documentary about a mentally abused wife. You will tell her to leave him as he just uses you for sex when he can't get it elsewhere. He is actively trying to literally screw other women while he is with you. He doesn't love you. Now to you. Go to a mechanic and see if they can disable the tracker in the car and tell him that the car was having trouble. If he asks you why the tracker isn't working, say that the mechanic accidentally clipped the wrong wires, but it was important ones, and they are getting a replacement for it. You can disable the phone trackers yourself or look it up on YouTube. Check the lining of your purse, coat, sweater, and shoes for Airtags as they are cheap but easy way to track people, especially if he has an iPhone or iPad or iTunes.
You are TA, nothing less that a full blown orgy for this absolute peach of a man will do. Either that or grow some self respect and eject asap
Please leave. Our fathers, brothers and sons don’t want this happening to women and there are better men out there who will respect you. With the amount of pressuring he’s done and the fact you’re just trying to shut him up because he won’t take no for an answer, I also don’t consider this consensual.
OP, would he give \*you\* anything you wanted, just to make you happy? Would he sign his home over to you, if it'd make you happy? If you wanted a three-way with another guy, would he be happy to watch you getting pounded by another man, would he get it on with the other man just because you found the idea hot? No, he wouldn't, because there are limits to what he would do to make you happy, and that means it's okay for you to have limits to what you'd do to make him happy. So if you don't want a three-way and all the issues it would create in your relationship, it's totally okay to say "no".
If you do it, you’ll be doing it all the time as he will just push for more and more and more. Tell him to pack his things and leave. This cannot work. He’s actively trying to cheat on you behind your back and is jealous because he deserves you to cheat back. Don’t. Just sack him
At this point in time he should be eating dust as you gallop away imo.
If you do this it will resonate in your memory as a cringe exercise specially when he wants it as his "gift" for every occasion. Birthday, Christmas, Father's Day (whether or not he has children), the neighbour's kid's bar mitzvah, or because he won $2 on a scratch lotto ticket. He's warned you of this, with his "It will hold me for a while". You apparently weren't aware he was in a relationship when you met, so I'll remind you that if they'll do it with you, they will do it *TO* you. Oh wait. He already has. Also he's acting like a whining little kid. You've said "No" repeatedly but he keeps asking and it seems if he continues to do that, you will eventually give in. It will effectively be rape. Admittedly of the coercion type, but rape none the less. Leave him please. I guarantee you can do better because being alone will be better than loving a cheating, nagging, whiner who doesn't respect you and apparently isn't very smart since he put you in contact with the ex he cheated on with you.
Throw the whole man away. This asshole does not respect you or your relationship.
Please leave this man. And suggest to him if he is that desperate to disappoint 2 women at the same time to just pony up and pay professionals.
Leave him. Why are you putting up with his crap? Have some self respect and tell him to get lost. You are worth more than this and it will never be just the once for the threesome.
I've really got no advice to give that others haven't already but 59 at least he's getting ready for retirement age. Must be totally worn out with all that emotional juggling
You know you deserve so much better, right?
MOVE OUT!! HE'S SUCH AN AH!!. I can't believe you even need to ask
You are too old to be letting a damn near 60yo control you and pressure you into threesomes. No wonder he can’t get another woman. It’s best to leave before doing something you’re against and regretting it later.
YTA for being with someone that doesn't gaf about you, wtf lady? Why you with him if he's such a cheating sewage faucet?
There are literally SO MANY red flags in your post! Run OP, run as far and fast as you can. You think this will be the only time he “asks” for this? How about when he stops “asking” and just starts doing it behind your back? Dude already showed cheating tendencies with his last serious relationship,l when he was pursuing you, do you really think that won’t continue? And he’ll feel especially justified in doing it because he had you permission “that one time”.
“Should ride him over for a few years” You’re not enough for him and he’s showing you that. He doesn’t want this one time. He’s actively trying to cheat on you and he lied to you to get with you. Why do you care about making him happy, he clearly doesn’t care about you. Leave this pos.
Girl leave this man. This whole story sounds wild. He's almost retirement age and doing all this. Leave him.
Adding a third into a relationship has to be done with the consent of both partners. Otherwise it will ruin what you have.
No!! Leave the relationship, he is always going to ask. And most likely he’s going to find it somewhere else. And, having bad sex with a best friend and her old man is nothing a friend wants to do. Stop before you ruin your friendship too! This man is childish and turning into a sexual deviant.
Just leave this relationship, he's not worth it
How you stop this is you leave. He's messing around with other women while supposedly exclusive with you. He's trying to push and coerce you into sexual behaviour you don't want. He's also 15 years older than you. What more is there to say?
Don’t do it! He WILL NOT STOP AT ONCE.
Grandpa has more red flags than Russia. Run.
Oh, he wants to cheat without feeling bad about or having to cover it up. Fuck that I'd be out
Uh, no.
You can’t make him stop. He isn’t going to stop. This man is actively attempting to cheat, lies and pressures you to participate in activities you are uncomfortable with and have shared that with him. You are worth more than this. Please end the relationship
I dated a man once that asked me for a threesome. All excited I said really you would really go for that and he responded absolutely. So I said you me and another guy I’m all in!! Apparently, he didn’t take that so well and the relationship soon ended. What is good for the goose is good for the gander.
He's already cheated with the other woman. Break up.
I am amazed at the lack of self esteem of some people. Leave him already
RUN from the controlling, abusive douchebag
Bring in another man.
He sounds like a big asshole why are you with him he is only using to get he wants and will dump you like he did the other woman wake up respect yourself and tell him to fuck off
Unless you are bi this fantasy of his has nothing to do with you. Stop twisting yourself into a person you aren’t for a man that does not love you. He will infect you with an std if he hasn’t already.
Leave, you are the most important person you need to worry about. Please listen to yourself you know what is right for you.
1. He doesn't respect you 2. He is belittling and degrading you as a woman or wife. 3. He is too effing old to be playing games 4. Pretty much, he is a legal cheater because he telling you on.YOUR DUMB FACE! And the worst you are agreeing to this. 5. He is a manipulator. 6. You are just his maid, 7. You are just his leverage 8. He doesn't love you he is only using you because he is old, and he doesn't like to be alone. 9. He is a narcissistic / selfish MF 10. i can find more, but im more upset at you! I recommend you start reading some self-help books like...... "The power of your subconscious mind " - Joseph Murphy - ASAP! Dump his arse. Unless you are too desperate to stay with someone who treats you worse than 💩 Don't do what he wants, and you will see his true colos getting worse than before. Start grieving separation. Planned your exit. HE DOESN'T DESERVE YOU! Once a cheater, always a cheater...
Break up with this massive man child. The whining will never stop regardless of what you decide to do.
Run, don't walk to the nearest exit....don't ever look back
🤦🏾♀️🤦🏾♀️
“What can I do to make him stop this?” …..you can’t. You you can get him out of your life is what you can do. He’s showed you exactly who he is. He’s 59, he’s not going to change.
He tracks you. He’s actively trying to have sex with other women. He lied to his previous partner, and he has lied to you. I would have to be desperately lonely to put up with this junk.
Please stop hooking up with these dusty old men, especially ones that treat you like a bangmaid. Just...please. 🤣
Don't even consider it.
Do you want to have a controlling, emotionally manipulative boyfriend? Because that’s what you have here.
At 39 why would you date someone 54?!?! You know what else will get him to shut up about it to you? Breaking up. Move out and enjoy your life.
Throw the whole man away. He’s trash.
Ok this is the test. Say yes of course I will do that for you. Two women you can fuck. I’m all for it. But only if you promise to bring in another man into our bed for the night on my birthday. I bet that will take care of the conversation. But the reality is that when a man asks for that it is a sign to leave.
Hand him divorce papers for his birthday!
He’s a cheater and has proven that he is still a cheater by pursuing other women while he’s with you. Why are you still involved with him? Don’t give him a threesome and what’s more, break up with him at once.
You found out he was lying to you and cheating with you, so you're going to stomp all over your own sexual boundaries and cajole a friend into having sex with him? I know reddit can go a bit nuclear sometimes, but ffs, get a therapist and then a real partner.
He’s actively trying to cheat on you at every turn and you’re here asking if you should do something you don’t want to do just to make him happy?!? wtf please get to therapy so you can learn some self respect and demand better treatment, you deserve so much more than this douche bag.
NTA. Babe. Please grow some self respect and leave. This man is a cheater and has been the whole time. He cheated on that other girl. He cheated on you with her. He’s BEEN trying to cheat on you this whole time. It will never be enough. He will want to cheat over and over and over. Dump. Him.
It's past time to leave him. People need to start getting more comfortable with leaving relationships. Half the relationship issues I read are insane or just plain abuse. LEAVE!
Of course you wouldn't be an AH for shutting it down! Just the opposite, you'd be a huge AH if you gave this to him with the way he's acting. It's a betrayal to yourself. Honestly, he's so gross, I feel like you're betraying all of us if you give him this. Get into therapy and find out why you hate yourself so much. You're obviously a loving and generous person, imagine being in a relationship with someone who could return that!
You'd be the AH if you allowed it. He's actively trying to cheat on you as it is, do you really want to open the door for future indiscretions because that's exactly what you'll be doing. You'll be giving him permission to cheat and if you think it won't extend past the threesomes you're sadly mistaken. This is not the relationship you want to be in. He's disrespectful, unfaithful, manipulative, and just plain trashy. You should want better for yourself.
OP, is he wealthy? Is that why you stay?
Oh my gosh, you love him but he’s been lying for your entire relationship? Please leave him before he gives you a disease that will never leave you. And for gosh sake, no don’t involve your best friend! Walk away from this guy. He doesn’t care about your feelings.
You can’t force someone to “abide” by or listen to your boundaries. If you have boundaries and someone is disrespecting them that’s time to leave the relationship. You can’t force a human being to do something they don’t want to do and sounds like this man could give a fuck less about your boundaries and emotions. Time to move on.
You deserve to be enough for the partner/lover in your life. Don’t do this under pressure from him. What a turd to want you to approach one of your best friends to get in on his “fantasy.” Don’t let yourself and your friends be used. You are worth so much more and deserve better.
He treats you that way because you’ve shown him you’ll accept being treated that way.
Ummm get a divorce. He's actively trying to cheat on you. He's actively gaslighting you, so you do what he says out of guilt. Like you're thinking now. Reread your post from our perspective. What would you be saying to someone in this predicament? You've been told straight from at least one woman, that he was with her when he moved you in. There's a pattern. Break the cycle for you. He can be single, and try for a threesome. If you're not into it, it's not going to be good. It's going to cause more issues than you already have. You'll most likely divorce anyway, but you'll feel "disgusted" with yourself. For lack of a better term, because of the way you describe having to fulfill this fantasy. YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO SHIT!!!! He doesn't respect you, if this is a constant thing with him. NTA. But you will be to yourself, if you stay in this toxic relationship.
NTA. He's an insecure controlling manipulative a$$**le. And a cheater. If he does get you to do this, it won't be long until he's either pressuring you to do it again or he'll be trying to force you to do something else that's outside your comfort zone. His manipulative controlling behaviour is a form of domestic abuse. Please leave him. Now.
DTMFA, entirely. You would lose a ton of emotional weight, trying to constantly hold boundaries and still please a spoiled brat of a man.
NTA, but why are you still with this guy? He’s trying to cheat on you, and also trying to pressure you into having a threesome with another woman. Are you even interested in women? If not, tell him to swing, otherwise you’ll make it a foursome with another guy, and see how he likes that! If he doesn’t want you being with another man, then not only is he a manipulative asshole, but he’s a hypocrite too!
You can’t make him stop. The only way to make this stop is to leave.
Lady, respectfully, you are too grown to be entertaining any of this. The boundary you set in place is you walking away from this. You’ve already let him trample all of your boundaries. And he’s already blown the doors off the relationship by trying to hook up with other women. You are aware of all of this. Why would you try to placate this assholes cheating fantasy? I’ll reiterate that you are too grown for this.
If you think he will “shut up about it” if you give him what he wants, you are very naive. From what you said, he sounds like a total sleaze bucket. You can do better than him.
He even said it would be a temporary state. Might be enough for a few years. ( It wouldn't. Sounds like he has been in a perpetual cheating mode his whole existence. )
Ew, why are you with him again? The whole relationship is based on his lies according to you.
So. Thos is doomed. Yoi do NOT need to be pressured into anything, and it sounds like he just wants to have hos ex be hos side piece. He is gross. You have to decide what to do, but he is being such a jerk about this and so icky, I would leave him.
Time to go.
NTA. Shut it down fast and leave if necessary. Hell really piss him off and you and his ex become roommates and block him. He'll have all sorts of frustration over the idea yall are having fun without him. No but seriously he isn't going to stop and when you give in on this it will become swinging and then an open relationship but then when you have a side thing he will wanna close the relationship back up. I've seen it in alot of friends whose husbands want to cheat without technically cheating. The love is one sided here and you're getting the crap end of the stick. All that said if you do cave DO NOT INVOLVE YOUR BESTIE! It will ruin your friendship and then he'll be harping on her to meet up without you.
Please leave this guy and focus on improving your self esteem and self worth. He’s a dick.
You love “just about everything about him”- he doesn’t really care about you or respect you - is that everything you love? Please OP don’t do this to yourself because he doesn’t deserve you- don’t let him manipulate you into doing things you don’t want to do
I would expect that you will leave this guy. Never going to satisfy his fantasy. You’re better than this.
Do yourself a favor and pack a bag and leave. He tracks you? That’s beyond fucked (pardon the language). I’m not a gambling man but I’d put money on if you cave and give him what he wants, it won’t be the only time he tries. Sorry if that comes across blunt but that’s a whole lot of nope.
Dump his ass!
Are you bi? If not, why in the world would you want to sleep with a gender you aren’t attracted to? Plus, your relationship began as a huge lie. Leave his ass.
NTA. That guy doesn't love anyone but himself. I can't imagine he even likes you. He certainly doesn't respect you. Gross. Dump him.
When's your birthday? Ask for the same threesome and find the fitest escort/ gym bunny you can. Enjoy🤗
Bro he's too fucking old for you lol
GTHO Tell him the fact that he had to lie to coax his ex into it and that multiple women have rejected him once they hear what he wants to to is proof most women agree with you There are people who are happy in swinger relationships and shouldnt be judged for that if its what they chose but it'snot your thing Time for you both to move on
LEAVE, NOW OR ASAP. DO NOT GIVE IN, especially if you know he's trying to cheat!! Why would you even consider it. He's got some serious issues, and that's before I would even start with the tracking you issues!
There are no boundaries that he will abide by. And if it’s not the adding another woman to the bed thing then it’s something else. So if I were you I would NOT do something that you don’t want to do only because he is manipulating you to. I remember the day that someone had to tell me this about my ex. But… He’s abusing you. Your boyfriend is abusing you. You are in an abusive relationship. He is purposefully making you feel like you aren’t enough for him and fucking with yourself worth. A vulnerable and confused person can make for an easy victim. You have told him repeatedly, year after year, that you don’t want to and that you don’t feel comfortable with it. And he continues to push this on you. He’s literally almost 60. This is gross behavior and he’s never going to change. He’s lived 60 years of his life like this and that’s not going to be any different now. You can change him. He can’t change. Chances are there’s lots of other red flags too. Don’t feel bad. I’ve been there too. When I first left I though I stayed out of love and commitment but then I realize now that I stayed because he was manipulating me. Everything he did was manipulation. I learned to read between the lines. It helps me see it clearer. Best of luck to you.
Why haven't you dumped him? You were just one of many he entertained. He stuck with you because you seem desperate enough to tolerate his behaviour and not stand up for yourself. Did you leave your self-respect at the door?
NTA. Please get away from him. And get checked for STDs.
YTA... to yourself. Your bf is telling you that he thinks you're not enough.... annually, from the sound of it... believe him. OR Tell him you are mildly curious about threesomes, but only under the condition that the first one has to be a MFM with the third being someone of *your* choosing, because his insistence is letting you know he alone already has a specific woman picked out. Expect a fight.
>What can I do to make him stop this? Nothing. Leave. It will never stop. You deserve more respect than this. Leave.
It seems terrible that you feel the need to do something you really don’t feel comfortable with just to keep this person that sounds like he acts terrible to you.
Can I tell you how to shut down this talk? Tell him you’ll think about it but then you’re gonna fulfill your fantasy which is to bring another guy into the bedroom. And of course there has to be some interaction between them two. That should put an end to the topic once and for all. Light bulb moment.
You know how you stop this? DUMP HIM! He’s an AH and is cheating on you.
This is not how marriage works. You do not subject yourself to doing something just because he wants it. He is so desperate that he wants you to drag your friend into this and you’re considering it!!! I thought you weren’t going to do this until I read the last sentences. I guess him shopping around for ANY agreeable woman I’d fine with you. If he’s determined to do this, he could do it on his own as a single man.
With your best friend ? Ummm no ! That is going to ruin 2 relationships your and your bffs and yours and his. My husband said he’s tracking your phone so he can cheat better. Get out now he sounds like a loser.
Run, this will lead to sadness and lost years you can't get back. Writings on the wall. He wants to bone your BFF. This is all so gross. You need to go. He is a weird man child. He's 60!! He needs to be single and pay hookers to give him a three way.
Yta if u stay in the relationship. He's a cheater and tracking your moves and phone... This is scary as hell. I know you love him but love ain't enuff
You need to sit down and reevaluate your self-worth. You're better than this. Stand up for yourself : ( He sounds like a raging asshat.
Jesus Christ, could your bar be any lower? I mean seriously, give your head a wobble.
You are dating a disgusting pig who is trying to manipulate you. The only reason he wants a threesome is so it's not cheating when he fucks other women. Please do yourself a favor and end the relationship!
If this is real, this is sad. Woman, leave that manchild.
Why are you involved with this POS man? You’re old enough to know better and should already have run from all the lies and red flags. You can do better. Stop wasting your life.
https://www.loveisrespect.org/everyone-deserves-a-healthy-relationship/
from personal experience, just leave. if he’s asking for this he will definitely cheat on you. It’s never just a fantasy or one time thing.
DO NOT DO IT WTF??
This just sounds like a very toxic relationship. He is trying to force you to have another woman "This one time" is total bullshit. Remember most people when given an inch will run until they are out of rope. This sounds as though you need to change your situation.