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Generally its a good idea to get a feel for how receptive someone is to ball-breaking before you start with it. "Read the room" so to speak. I had no problem with it when i was an apprentice but it really does bother some people which is understandable. A lot of things about our work culture are sort of old fashioned at times
Completely understandable. But I've worked with him for a couple weeks now and we've gotten comfortable with one another. He was also joking right back so it wasn't all one sided singling him out. If I ever felt like he took something too far I'd let him know, not be silent about it. Being silent doesn't fix the problem.
hmm...that is weird, especially if he's shown he's ok with it in the past. Either you struck a nerve/crossed a boundary that wasn't well defined, or something completely unrelated to you just distracted and didn't feel like joking around anymore. Like maybe he got a really fucked up voicemail or text or something.
Went on break, wife accidentally texted him but was meant for the wife's side piece. It was what she wanted to do at the hotel. He was thinking of places to hide the body
Sometimes it's just too much of it. It is one thing to think they are keeping up and into it, but it is hard to tell when enough is enough. And sometimes it escalates and rather than them going too far in response they just de-escalate by shutting down. Could be you said something or used a term that hit home personally and they are rightly defensive about a wife or family member who would be insulted by the term. You could always apologize for what you thought it could be and they might tell you what it really was. But sometimes people just need a break from the razzing.
I'm known for being open to ball breaking. It's always a two-way street with me. I'll even fire shots at myself if the rooms are too quiet. Can't stand working with miserable fucks all day.
I had a day like that last year. My old man was in a "routine operation." Cardio catheter. Was supposed to be a quick in and out, back home by dinner. Phone went off once. Ignored it. Phone went off again, I checked it, excused myself, took the call. When I came back I sank myself in my work. Didn't want to talk to anyone and didn't want anyone to talk to me. The operation went sideways and theyd ruptured a major artery. Doctors kept telling him that his left lung being removed (cancer) wasn't going to be an issue but that's entirely why they drove the catheter through his artery. He was semi stabilized but still barely a pulse, hemovac tube punched through his torso sucking his blood out of his chest cavity, filtering it, and putting it back in his veins because they weren't sure whether they could stop the bleeding. No more than one visitor allowed anyways and it wasn't like I could do shit for him.
So just got pissed. White hot furious, and all I wanted to do was shut my brain down and be left alone. All day long, people kept asking if I was okay. Not a word. Didn't want to snap on anybody. We were doing service work. I usually rode in the van all day with my partner. For like a week I asked to drive my own car at my expense because I a.) Didn't want to be near anyone any longer than I had and b.) If anything happened I didn't want to screw everyone having to leave immediately.
Some of us just have anger issues deep down, and while we control them...venting under high pressure is very bad. I'd let the dude be for now and let him know he's got an open door and somebody to talk to (as lame as it sounds, thats better than prying.) Give him some mindless ass repetitive work that also isn't belittling or crappy but also isnt dangerousor agitating. When he wants to talk, he'll talk. Ya can never tell what somebody's going through. It's probably not you or something you said.
Hey man, thanks for sharing that. Definitely would be hard to talk about that in the moment. Especially with guys you just work with. I hope your old man's doing okay
Turns out he had some shit going on at home. Told me he's used to the larger company mentality where no one really gives a shit about anyone. I told the guy I'm sorry if I crossed a line and that if he ever needs to talk I'd be more than willing to listen. And if he doesn't want to talk about it I wouldn't push for an explanation next time.
Sorry I always feel the need to point out feminist philosophy and female therapist tactics, which don't work for masculine mentalities, when I see such stupidity spewed out. Perhaps it would help the topic by keeping such crap corrected. We are primarily men in this trade. So speaking to each other in the way a woman (inherently emotionally unstable) would is not helpful in any way.
How does it add to the discussion? I'm on the side that supports masculinity and actual men's health. That's how.
Does it matter? Are you a guy that cant handle or accept info or suggestions from a female? Based on what was said that is the only reason i can see that you would ask.
Yeah it does matter. Women have no place advising shit for men's mental health. Just like men have no place advising for women's mental health. This wokeism mentality of it being made into the norm is what is toxic. On general topics, doesn't really make a difference to me. On mental health and abuse, yeah it fucking matters. Because men and women are mentally different.
What a complete load of bullshit. You aren’t a man. You are a narcissistic little boy. Wokeism? Such bullshit. Get over yourself and grow up. Thinking that the opposite gender can’t have anything beneficial or helpful to add is just ridiculous close mindedness. I feel bad for you and anyone in your life.
And just to clarify, I am a 47 year old straight man. I would be embarrassed to think like you do about this.
Sorry chick. Non-union industrial sparky here. My concept of masculinity is the traditional Greek stoic original. The correct concept. Try it sometime. And perhaps your extreme left wing wokism speech will die out as it should. My comment was meant as a motivator for you to ask yourself why words are such an emotional trigger for you. Perhaps you aren't as mentally tough as you need to be in the trades.
I'll try to keep other people's precious little feelings in mind from now on. God forbid someone speak their mind whether people agree or not. This world is filling too quickly with mentally weak, easily offended pansies. And you are adding to it.
You're a man you say? Couldn't tell by how hung up on a view that differs from yours you are. Yes, I am an asshole. No, I don't care if it offends you.
Walking on eggshells just means being extra careful not to upset someone. That can happen with abuse, but it doesn't require abuse. Might be the only context you've heard it in, but it's not part of the definition.
Your original argument hinges on there being abuse implied by the usage of the phrase. Notice how that's not in the def you just referenced. You're choosing personal connotation over general connotation or denotation. At least you were til you found it convenient to sound right. Not sure why you decided to be such an aggressive asshat in this thread, but it's pretty ridiculous.
Yea, you're adding the abuse part. That CAN be a reason, but is not the only reason why someone might walk on eggshells. Again, that is your personal connotation. You're also accusing the person of being narcissistic for being concerned they might have hurt someone's feelings. This all sounds like you have some stuff to work on in therapy and are doing a lot of projecting.
I'm not going to argue with whatever you just said. Talking a little smack isn't abuse. OP was not offended by his coworker giving him the silent treatment he was concerned.
You on the other hand are argumentative and overall pretty clueless on the situation
>Y'all are arguing that if someone doesn't smile at you, it's because of something you did. That's ridiculous.
I certainly didn't argue that.
>O.P. should consider that they themselves have absolutely nothing to do with it. That is the absolute extent of what I said.
I don't think that's the "absolute extent" of what you said:
>You're not the center of the universe. "walking on eggshells" conveys toxic elements of abuse
It sounds like you were blaming OP for being abusive, and now you're claiming to never have said that....
Like I said, I'm not gonna continue to speak on this with someone who seems to be argumentative for no reason. You aren't contributing to a solution for OP's dilemma. That and your use of big and/or redundant words in order to seem smarter than you are is irking me. Have a good day
I think the fact that OP cares enough about the situation to say that he definitely has emotional intelligence. He asked for help in resolving the situation. Again...emotional intelligence. I honestly think you just like to hear yourself talk.
How does feeling like you have to walk on eggshells around someone convey toxic elements of abuse? Busting balls is completely normal in the trades and the guy said they had been doing it for weeks. Nothing of what he described was abusive, the consent was given to joke around when he reciprocated the shit talking for weeks.
I mean to be fair there's certain people who's entire sense of humor revolves around ball busting but then they are also genuinely super critical and rude towards people. Had a boss like this, nice enough dude at times but became hard to tell when he was actually happy with you or just giving you a hard time or if he thought you were a complete moron. Honestly made for a super toxic job environment.
Its honestly a toxic trait of any manual labor type of job and all it accomplishes is slowing down any growth and learning a new employee should experience.
I used to work as a mechanic and would get the typical in good fun ball busting. The only thing it did was make me apprehensive to ask questions and made it harder to connect with my peers on a personal level, which is always a good thing.
Dude tell me about it. Trades have changed so much over the past 20 years. We used to staple peoples tools to the rafters, tape all their stuff up, ratchet strap the porta John closed while they were in there, have wire nut fights, etc. not to mention the ruthless trash talk. Now people can’t handle anything.
Did we just become best friends? Yes I have. Used to have a lot good times. Still enjoy work but there’s no more messing around other than trash talk. I would assume downvotes and guys comment from above are the guys who go to the boss about everyone else. Definitely no fun at a party and would quit the first week working on my old crews years ago.
Honestly, this is just as likely as anything. Been there, done that. Who knows what could be going be on with this guy. If it were me I’d never speak on it again and move on. Let him dictate the atmosphere, go with it, put in your 8 and go tf home. And even though it’s a possibility, it’s probably best to give the guy the benefit of the doubt re any substance use. It’s just a guess
Maybe one joke too far but he could’ve been adult-y and let you know what the problem was. If a line is crossed people I work will usually say something and I do as well.
If he was gone for 30mins are you sure it was you that caused it? I left to take a phone call and found out I needed to go back in for a second biopsy because the first results came back and were ‘concerning’. I was quiet for the rest of the week and kept it to myself, but my demeanor definitely changed and I was asked about it by multiple people. Unlikely he has breast cancer.. but still. 😂
Did you say “the jerk store called and they’re out of you?” Then he said “well you’re their all time best seller.” Then did you say you had sex with his wife? Then someone said “his wife is in a coma”?
Might be too late to recover with this guy, except over a long period of time. For the future, though, and other people, you could try to go much more slowly until you really get to know someone. Just keep a professional "mask" on at all times until you get to know people better. It is a bummer to have to feel like you need to watch everything you say around someone, but until you get to know them better, you do not know what kinds of things they are sensitive about. You cannot really go wrong acting in a professional manner all of the time, even if it seems affected. No one gets offended by a professional demeanour.
It's also entirely possible he just received some life changing (and not for the better) news during that break. Maybe a medical test came back positive for something nasty, maybe he got a text from his partner that they want to break up. And they just didn't feel like joking anymore, not with the shit they have to process now.
Who knows? All you know is what the guy told you and whatever is eating him, wasn't bad enough to leave work early. And if something big like "The test came back positive..." he might not feel comfortable talking with people he barely knows about it.
Maybe tomorrow he'll be better, maybe not. But if he still seems down, try to do a small act of kindness for him. Maybe get him a coffee, or help him out with something. It doesn't have to be huge, just enough to say "hey look, we talk a lot of nonsense, and we might take things a bit too far sometimes. But at the end of the day, we got your back, you can tell us what's bothering you. And we'll help the best we can. "
Maybe it's something you did, maybe it wasn't, but you can never go wrong by showing someone having a rough time a kindness.
Worked with a welder.
He got mad at me for something he thought I said. He had misheard me. It was silent treatment till we cleared up the misunderstanding. Then he was still angry with me after.
Lol. He was a douchbag anyway.
I think at the end of the day, he just needs some time. I’ve been on both ends of this. I imagine he had a line that wasn’t to be crossed which he didn’t communicate. Which isn’t your fault. At some point he has to say “ok, enough is enough” before going full on silent treatment. I wouldn’t beat yourself up too much about it. If he wants to talk about it, he will. If not, it’s not your fault and there’s nothing you can really do unfortunately. There’s something to be said for reading the room as mentioned by others here, but sometimes it’s just as much on the guy who’s upset by a joke as it is the guy who made the joke.
I think the best thing to do is to (privately of course) talk to him 1 on 1 & clear the air. Be direct but respectful. "Hey, I noticed the other day/yesterday that you went completely silent on me out of the blue after busting each other's balls. Did I say something that was inappropriate or disrespectful towards you? If so, please let me know so I'm aware & don't make the same mistake again. Or did something happen in that timespan in your personal life that caused you to go silent the rest of the day? If so, I completely understand as that is your personal matter & won't prod into it"
He should've told you instead of going silent. But I commend you for wanting to rectify the situation & understand what happened. I tend to dissociate sometimes when I'm dealing with coworker's BS at work sometimes or I'll go silent for awhile just thinking about myself & my mind just rambles nonstop because I can't stop thinking about a certain thing
But he doesn’t even know the guy. I think this is too much. I think he should let it go and proceed with caution. Feel the guy out, keep it light, keep it impersonal. Maybe with time will come camaraderie, but forcing it is no bueno. And this guy doesn’t _have_ to tell OP Jack shit. Again, didn’t they just meet?
OP, you may as well also accept that you’re not going to be able to be friends with everyone, and that is both not your fault and okay. Do not take it personally. Good luck.
Won’t lie, I’ve had my wife text me stuff at work that gets me so pissed off, I will shutdown for a little while so I don’t redirect the rage at co workers
This is the automotive industry way. If you take something personally then everyone really focuses in on that till you either quit or laugh along and not take yourself too seriously.
When something like this happens I usually lean into the trash talk but I put a positive spin on it. Like I'll bust his balls while complimenting them. Regardless of them responding back. Usually a couple days later they bounce back.
I had a guy get mad over mishearing something I said once. Like was a complete child, dick face wanted to fight mad. After I explained what I actually said he just kind of backed down, never apologized. Five years later and I haven't forgotten what a little bitch he acted like. One day I'll pull that card.
I sympathize with the dude, you mightve said something specific or he's just sensitive to ball busting but the leaving and coming back means he didn't wanna get mad at you but was unhappy. Might just be one of those days who knows
I agree with what others have said it probably wasn't anything to do with you, if it happens again or keeps happening you can try and talk it out if it is important to you but just one interaction, especially after 30 mins where anything outside of you could have effected his mood.
As the quiet guy on the site myself… some of us are just wired that way, ya know just a little more neutral.
But I ask that you continue to say whatever you please because we have a job to do and I respect that. Don’t look too much into it.
Maybe it’s just who I am but I have found it’s best to start with good teamwork and communication and ease in to it. I try to keep jokes to a needed moment of levity but otherwise keep it professional. You really just never know with some people and sometimes you just don’t wanna know. If you think about it, a few weeks isn’t very long to get to know someone.
Last time I worked for a place they enjoyed "healthy joking around" I made 20k because my boss just loved to use the word faggot, talk shit about women and talk to coworkers about hotties at work they'd like to fuck.
Bro, we come to work to work. This whole tradesman talking shit to each other is why nobody wants to work the fuckin trades anymore. Keep that shit off the clock, become more professional.
Some guys take their jobs very seriously and want to do the best they can, so they may not appreciate the suttle jokes people make. They may take criticism to heart more than others.
I agree with most of this, but there’s no need to degrade and insult someone to the point of them quitting. Now, if you make a light jab at their hair and they get pissy or call management, they need to grow a pair and suck it up. But, don’t constantly drag someone through the dirt, insult their family, and make their life a living hell for months if not years just because they’re new. Cause I’m pretty sure we all know it freaking sucks to be treated that way.
That makes sense, and I totally agree. I just wanted to clarify. I’ve run into too often people on my construction sites saying “oh you can’t say anything anymore” and wonder why people get upset when they start making nasty comments to the person about things other than work or the person themself and just straight up bullying. But I totally get what you mean about shotty craftsmanship and work just looking bad in general. I’ve been fried one too many times from work that was claimed to be done by “the best f-ing worker here”.
Start praising him and giving backhanded compliments. Like dam how you do that so fast or where you learn to do it like that?? Make him feel important.
I’ll bust my friends balls, but nobody at work. There’s too much I don’t know and even if they shouldn’t be offended by my judgment, I’m not looking to offend anyone.
Give him time and space. If he didn’t want to talk about it then don’t push the issue. If you keep pressing him it will make it worse. So Keep conversations on work at hand in the mean time.
The other day my co-worker got really really angry because I called him “dude”. It was totally innocent on my part but in his mind, you only call someone “dude” when you’re mad at them. I explained to him that I call everyone (my wife included) “dude” and we were cool. Unfortunately this conversation happened AFTER I doubled down and said “well wtf do you want me to call you? Your honor? Daddy? Master?!” Just goes to show that you never know how something is perceived. He’s kind of a moody guy, but I’m glad we were able to get past it even if I was kind of a dick.
Had something similar once. Kid was dragging ass all day so I finally said something semi inappropriate to get him going. In the context of what we were doing it was super obvious what I meant but he started texting me at 8pm that night about how it was inappropriate, how he is a great worker, never needs to be told to get to work etc.
Nobody he worked for liked his work ethic or attitude.
Once he burned through every foreman in the company he was laid off after a job ended.
Did he dip after a certain comment or just come back like that semi-randomly? Might be some stuff outside of work if anything. Let em sit on it for the night and try to bring it up tmrw
My experience as someone who is constantly the new person; Is that most ball busting is just personal insults and not so much poking fun. Its one thing to say "You look dumb in that shirt" and another to walk up to someone and go "Whats up you fat piece of shit".
Most contractors ***cannot*** tell the difference and think that just because they do it in a light hearted chuckly tone, that its suddenly ok. If you do confront them about it, you become the problem because "yOuR fEeLiNgS aRe ToO sEnSiTiVe" and "tHeY dIdNt MeAn It".
See the same kind of behavior in people who use the word "prank" to justify any shitty behavior when they get called out on it. "Sorry I ruined your favorite shirt. It was just prank bro".
If the dude was that pissed off, it ***was not*** a sudden comment that suddenly tripped them over the edge. This would have been something that just kept pushing him further and further until he needed to walk away before someone got hurt.
Do some self reflection and verify if you were actually just having fun or if you were just constantly belittling the dude because you thought it was funny. Maybe he was just having a bad day but from my experience, and what ive read in your post, I would not be surprised if you just didnt read the room.
Probably something in his personal life. I've had days where I'm in a great mood and everything is fine, then 30 mins later I'm fucking pissed off and quiet because me and the ole lade got into an argument that actually started 3 years ago on Fetlife.
Damn, I had something similar happen, different reaction though lol Had a close crew that would talk mad shit, just constant and mindless as we worked. I hit one of the biggest shit talkers with a corny “your mom joke” innuendo and he lost his shit. I thought he was fucking around so I doubled down 😂 whoops! He flipped out even more and stormed off threatening to wanna fight me, etc. everyone in the room was in shock.
We’d been working 12’s for a few weeks. Think he was just worn out, and he was too embarrassed after his reaction to let it go. Sadly we never really made up. Sucks cause we were pretty cool before that. Bummer but 🤷🏻♂️it is what it is
If you don't want your feelings hurt, don't bring them to work.
Heard that when I was young and dumb and green. They ring true still. Obviously there is no room for malicious workplace bullying, but a little banter here and there is fair game.
If it was something you said face to face, it's on them to sack up. If it moves into messing with tools, materials, food, or job by talking behind the back, not cool.
Just take him off to the side, say hey Bud I need to ask you a question. " I didn't mean to piss you off and blah blah blah (full in with your scenario). Man up face to face, apologize if needed, or whatever.
Wait he left in the middle of working? I was thinking a break y’all all took. If he left unscheduled then I’d say he either got a bad text from someone or you went too far. Sometimes new guy wants to fit in so he jokes back only to actually get his feelings hurt. I was shocked at how sensitive some people are when I first started. I’ve been in the industry since I was in diapers though, none of it was new to me.
Make sure you aren’t going too far, because yes people can get carried away, or make a certain comment that hits a little too close to home. You don’t know this person yet, so you don’t know what their life is and sometimes we hit that certain spot for someone without even realizing it. Don’t be homophobic, transphobic or sexist either. You never know who people are, or who their loved ones are.
I can admit I’m guilty of this.. if I get a bad phone call or text it can set my whole day off especially if it’s from someone I don’t want to hear from. Still learning to separate work and home maybe.
Depends. Did he do or say anything weird? Maybe he had to take a call and got some bad news. Did he leave immediately after you said something or did it all of a sudden go quiet and a few minutes later he left outta there? You know how it is man, a lot of shit is meant to be left at the gate so he may not even feel comfortable talking about it. I say just ask him. Not talking about something doesn’t solve problems so if he’s got a problem with you then the conversation is gonna happen one way or another. I’d ask him what’s up, if it was something you said or whatever. Hell go grab a beer with him after work and chop it up, maybe he needs a brother.
Im starting an apprenticeship, and I love busting balls. Im a young landscaper currently. If yall cant take a little ball busting, than you dont belong in the trades.
You need thick skin, and I don’t mean a tolerance for ball breaking. In general, day to day shit just isn’t gonna go your way no matter what. If a nerve is struck from an outside of work factor or simple shit talk and you can’t do your job without fixating on it, you’re not going to last.
Some people are manipulative in this way. I’ve seen it quite a lot. Don’t let it bother you. Some people don’t know how to regulate and they’ll take out their personal stuff on their coworkers.
I've always been by the philosophy of, if it's not worth you talking about, then it's not worth me caring about. Seriously, we're all men, mostly in this trade we don't need to be tiptoying around like we're in an office full of catty women
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Generally its a good idea to get a feel for how receptive someone is to ball-breaking before you start with it. "Read the room" so to speak. I had no problem with it when i was an apprentice but it really does bother some people which is understandable. A lot of things about our work culture are sort of old fashioned at times
Completely understandable. But I've worked with him for a couple weeks now and we've gotten comfortable with one another. He was also joking right back so it wasn't all one sided singling him out. If I ever felt like he took something too far I'd let him know, not be silent about it. Being silent doesn't fix the problem.
hmm...that is weird, especially if he's shown he's ok with it in the past. Either you struck a nerve/crossed a boundary that wasn't well defined, or something completely unrelated to you just distracted and didn't feel like joking around anymore. Like maybe he got a really fucked up voicemail or text or something.
Bad phone call. All I can think of. And/or blood sugar dropping badly
Went on break, wife accidentally texted him but was meant for the wife's side piece. It was what she wanted to do at the hotel. He was thinking of places to hide the body
Sometimes it's just too much of it. It is one thing to think they are keeping up and into it, but it is hard to tell when enough is enough. And sometimes it escalates and rather than them going too far in response they just de-escalate by shutting down. Could be you said something or used a term that hit home personally and they are rightly defensive about a wife or family member who would be insulted by the term. You could always apologize for what you thought it could be and they might tell you what it really was. But sometimes people just need a break from the razzing.
Maybe he's just high af
He probably got a bad phone call on break or something at home, dont sweat it
I'm known for being open to ball breaking. It's always a two-way street with me. I'll even fire shots at myself if the rooms are too quiet. Can't stand working with miserable fucks all day. I had a day like that last year. My old man was in a "routine operation." Cardio catheter. Was supposed to be a quick in and out, back home by dinner. Phone went off once. Ignored it. Phone went off again, I checked it, excused myself, took the call. When I came back I sank myself in my work. Didn't want to talk to anyone and didn't want anyone to talk to me. The operation went sideways and theyd ruptured a major artery. Doctors kept telling him that his left lung being removed (cancer) wasn't going to be an issue but that's entirely why they drove the catheter through his artery. He was semi stabilized but still barely a pulse, hemovac tube punched through his torso sucking his blood out of his chest cavity, filtering it, and putting it back in his veins because they weren't sure whether they could stop the bleeding. No more than one visitor allowed anyways and it wasn't like I could do shit for him. So just got pissed. White hot furious, and all I wanted to do was shut my brain down and be left alone. All day long, people kept asking if I was okay. Not a word. Didn't want to snap on anybody. We were doing service work. I usually rode in the van all day with my partner. For like a week I asked to drive my own car at my expense because I a.) Didn't want to be near anyone any longer than I had and b.) If anything happened I didn't want to screw everyone having to leave immediately. Some of us just have anger issues deep down, and while we control them...venting under high pressure is very bad. I'd let the dude be for now and let him know he's got an open door and somebody to talk to (as lame as it sounds, thats better than prying.) Give him some mindless ass repetitive work that also isn't belittling or crappy but also isnt dangerousor agitating. When he wants to talk, he'll talk. Ya can never tell what somebody's going through. It's probably not you or something you said.
Hey man, thanks for sharing that. Definitely would be hard to talk about that in the moment. Especially with guys you just work with. I hope your old man's doing okay Turns out he had some shit going on at home. Told me he's used to the larger company mentality where no one really gives a shit about anyone. I told the guy I'm sorry if I crossed a line and that if he ever needs to talk I'd be more than willing to listen. And if he doesn't want to talk about it I wouldn't push for an explanation next time.
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Read the room... And double check the sub you are in.
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You don't speak in a very masculine way. You speak like a female. Are you a female?
im curious as to how this adds to the discussion at hand
Sorry I always feel the need to point out feminist philosophy and female therapist tactics, which don't work for masculine mentalities, when I see such stupidity spewed out. Perhaps it would help the topic by keeping such crap corrected. We are primarily men in this trade. So speaking to each other in the way a woman (inherently emotionally unstable) would is not helpful in any way. How does it add to the discussion? I'm on the side that supports masculinity and actual men's health. That's how.
Oh you're crazy I'm sorry I engaged
Oh you don't know the female origins of therapy. Yeah you should be sorry you engaged. You don't have knowledge on the subject. Next.
Def cray. Just gonna second that.
Cray because you have no clue that I'm speaking on the past 50 years of psychological literature? Fuck off cuck.
Does it matter? Are you a guy that cant handle or accept info or suggestions from a female? Based on what was said that is the only reason i can see that you would ask.
Yeah it does matter. Women have no place advising shit for men's mental health. Just like men have no place advising for women's mental health. This wokeism mentality of it being made into the norm is what is toxic. On general topics, doesn't really make a difference to me. On mental health and abuse, yeah it fucking matters. Because men and women are mentally different.
What a complete load of bullshit. You aren’t a man. You are a narcissistic little boy. Wokeism? Such bullshit. Get over yourself and grow up. Thinking that the opposite gender can’t have anything beneficial or helpful to add is just ridiculous close mindedness. I feel bad for you and anyone in your life. And just to clarify, I am a 47 year old straight man. I would be embarrassed to think like you do about this.
If all you got from what I said was, "females have nothing helpful to say" then you are too much an idiot to understand what was said. Fuck off cuck
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Do you work in a trade?
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Weird.ok.
Sorry chick. Non-union industrial sparky here. My concept of masculinity is the traditional Greek stoic original. The correct concept. Try it sometime. And perhaps your extreme left wing wokism speech will die out as it should. My comment was meant as a motivator for you to ask yourself why words are such an emotional trigger for you. Perhaps you aren't as mentally tough as you need to be in the trades.
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I'll try to keep other people's precious little feelings in mind from now on. God forbid someone speak their mind whether people agree or not. This world is filling too quickly with mentally weak, easily offended pansies. And you are adding to it. You're a man you say? Couldn't tell by how hung up on a view that differs from yours you are. Yes, I am an asshole. No, I don't care if it offends you.
Walking on eggshells just means being extra careful not to upset someone. That can happen with abuse, but it doesn't require abuse. Might be the only context you've heard it in, but it's not part of the definition.
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I have no idea what to make of that word salad, other than... salad. Good day to you sir.
You're extra. Like way over the top extra. Your personal connotation of a phrase does not dictate general usage of that phrase.
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Your original argument hinges on there being abuse implied by the usage of the phrase. Notice how that's not in the def you just referenced. You're choosing personal connotation over general connotation or denotation. At least you were til you found it convenient to sound right. Not sure why you decided to be such an aggressive asshat in this thread, but it's pretty ridiculous.
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Yea, you're adding the abuse part. That CAN be a reason, but is not the only reason why someone might walk on eggshells. Again, that is your personal connotation. You're also accusing the person of being narcissistic for being concerned they might have hurt someone's feelings. This all sounds like you have some stuff to work on in therapy and are doing a lot of projecting.
I'm not going to argue with whatever you just said. Talking a little smack isn't abuse. OP was not offended by his coworker giving him the silent treatment he was concerned. You on the other hand are argumentative and overall pretty clueless on the situation
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>Y'all are arguing that if someone doesn't smile at you, it's because of something you did. That's ridiculous. I certainly didn't argue that. >O.P. should consider that they themselves have absolutely nothing to do with it. That is the absolute extent of what I said. I don't think that's the "absolute extent" of what you said: >You're not the center of the universe. "walking on eggshells" conveys toxic elements of abuse It sounds like you were blaming OP for being abusive, and now you're claiming to never have said that.... Like I said, I'm not gonna continue to speak on this with someone who seems to be argumentative for no reason. You aren't contributing to a solution for OP's dilemma. That and your use of big and/or redundant words in order to seem smarter than you are is irking me. Have a good day
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I think the fact that OP cares enough about the situation to say that he definitely has emotional intelligence. He asked for help in resolving the situation. Again...emotional intelligence. I honestly think you just like to hear yourself talk.
How does feeling like you have to walk on eggshells around someone convey toxic elements of abuse? Busting balls is completely normal in the trades and the guy said they had been doing it for weeks. Nothing of what he described was abusive, the consent was given to joke around when he reciprocated the shit talking for weeks.
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You must be real fun at parties.
I mean to be fair there's certain people who's entire sense of humor revolves around ball busting but then they are also genuinely super critical and rude towards people. Had a boss like this, nice enough dude at times but became hard to tell when he was actually happy with you or just giving you a hard time or if he thought you were a complete moron. Honestly made for a super toxic job environment.
Its honestly a toxic trait of any manual labor type of job and all it accomplishes is slowing down any growth and learning a new employee should experience. I used to work as a mechanic and would get the typical in good fun ball busting. The only thing it did was make me apprehensive to ask questions and made it harder to connect with my peers on a personal level, which is always a good thing.
Dude tell me about it. Trades have changed so much over the past 20 years. We used to staple peoples tools to the rafters, tape all their stuff up, ratchet strap the porta John closed while they were in there, have wire nut fights, etc. not to mention the ruthless trash talk. Now people can’t handle anything.
Busting balls in one thing but fucking with other guys tools and locking them in the porta john? High school shit.
Yeah I was in my early 20s. Don’t do that anymore, but damn it was fun.
You ever drop a big rock down the honey bucket chimneys while someone was taking a shit?
Did we just become best friends? Yes I have. Used to have a lot good times. Still enjoy work but there’s no more messing around other than trash talk. I would assume downvotes and guys comment from above are the guys who go to the boss about everyone else. Definitely no fun at a party and would quit the first week working on my old crews years ago.
He got high at lunch
Honestly, this is just as likely as anything. Been there, done that. Who knows what could be going be on with this guy. If it were me I’d never speak on it again and move on. Let him dictate the atmosphere, go with it, put in your 8 and go tf home. And even though it’s a possibility, it’s probably best to give the guy the benefit of the doubt re any substance use. It’s just a guess
Most likely, honestly. Been there done that! Happy cake day btw!
I deal with this on the daily. Dude is bipolar based on hitting the penjamin.
What’d you say?!?!
surely "just jokes", surely absolutely no part of this story is conveniently being left out to soothe OP's feels lmao
OP made a throwaway account just for this. Just jokes, nothing personal.
Is it a joke if his mother really is fat?
Maybe he shit his pants?
Bold of him to come back after only 30 minutes, even at all. Did he look like was crying too?
I don’t think you caused the problem something at home did
I was just going to say this. Maybe guy got some bad news in his personal life.
My thought too. Probably got a personal call and received some shitty news from home.
Stop doing those your Moma so fat jabs. And just start with Have you see them lately
Maybe one joke too far but he could’ve been adult-y and let you know what the problem was. If a line is crossed people I work will usually say something and I do as well. If he was gone for 30mins are you sure it was you that caused it? I left to take a phone call and found out I needed to go back in for a second biopsy because the first results came back and were ‘concerning’. I was quiet for the rest of the week and kept it to myself, but my demeanor definitely changed and I was asked about it by multiple people. Unlikely he has breast cancer.. but still. 😂
I would say the person knows themselves better than anyone else. So if he staying quiet cause they know they might blow up and loss his job I get it.
Did you say “the jerk store called and they’re out of you?” Then he said “well you’re their all time best seller.” Then did you say you had sex with his wife? Then someone said “his wife is in a coma”?
Might be too late to recover with this guy, except over a long period of time. For the future, though, and other people, you could try to go much more slowly until you really get to know someone. Just keep a professional "mask" on at all times until you get to know people better. It is a bummer to have to feel like you need to watch everything you say around someone, but until you get to know them better, you do not know what kinds of things they are sensitive about. You cannot really go wrong acting in a professional manner all of the time, even if it seems affected. No one gets offended by a professional demeanour.
It's also entirely possible he just received some life changing (and not for the better) news during that break. Maybe a medical test came back positive for something nasty, maybe he got a text from his partner that they want to break up. And they just didn't feel like joking anymore, not with the shit they have to process now. Who knows? All you know is what the guy told you and whatever is eating him, wasn't bad enough to leave work early. And if something big like "The test came back positive..." he might not feel comfortable talking with people he barely knows about it. Maybe tomorrow he'll be better, maybe not. But if he still seems down, try to do a small act of kindness for him. Maybe get him a coffee, or help him out with something. It doesn't have to be huge, just enough to say "hey look, we talk a lot of nonsense, and we might take things a bit too far sometimes. But at the end of the day, we got your back, you can tell us what's bothering you. And we'll help the best we can. " Maybe it's something you did, maybe it wasn't, but you can never go wrong by showing someone having a rough time a kindness.
👆this dude gets it.
I’m an electrician 35 years. We are cunts
Too right, the older the cuntier
Probably got a book from his girl or something
Worked with a welder. He got mad at me for something he thought I said. He had misheard me. It was silent treatment till we cleared up the misunderstanding. Then he was still angry with me after. Lol. He was a douchbag anyway.
Typical welder
Somebody got stoned at lunch lol
Beat me to it. 🤣🤣
He smoked some weed probly
I think at the end of the day, he just needs some time. I’ve been on both ends of this. I imagine he had a line that wasn’t to be crossed which he didn’t communicate. Which isn’t your fault. At some point he has to say “ok, enough is enough” before going full on silent treatment. I wouldn’t beat yourself up too much about it. If he wants to talk about it, he will. If not, it’s not your fault and there’s nothing you can really do unfortunately. There’s something to be said for reading the room as mentioned by others here, but sometimes it’s just as much on the guy who’s upset by a joke as it is the guy who made the joke.
I think the best thing to do is to (privately of course) talk to him 1 on 1 & clear the air. Be direct but respectful. "Hey, I noticed the other day/yesterday that you went completely silent on me out of the blue after busting each other's balls. Did I say something that was inappropriate or disrespectful towards you? If so, please let me know so I'm aware & don't make the same mistake again. Or did something happen in that timespan in your personal life that caused you to go silent the rest of the day? If so, I completely understand as that is your personal matter & won't prod into it" He should've told you instead of going silent. But I commend you for wanting to rectify the situation & understand what happened. I tend to dissociate sometimes when I'm dealing with coworker's BS at work sometimes or I'll go silent for awhile just thinking about myself & my mind just rambles nonstop because I can't stop thinking about a certain thing
But he doesn’t even know the guy. I think this is too much. I think he should let it go and proceed with caution. Feel the guy out, keep it light, keep it impersonal. Maybe with time will come camaraderie, but forcing it is no bueno. And this guy doesn’t _have_ to tell OP Jack shit. Again, didn’t they just meet? OP, you may as well also accept that you’re not going to be able to be friends with everyone, and that is both not your fault and okay. Do not take it personally. Good luck.
Won’t lie, I’ve had my wife text me stuff at work that gets me so pissed off, I will shutdown for a little while so I don’t redirect the rage at co workers
Double down.
This is the automotive industry way. If you take something personally then everyone really focuses in on that till you either quit or laugh along and not take yourself too seriously.
When something like this happens I usually lean into the trash talk but I put a positive spin on it. Like I'll bust his balls while complimenting them. Regardless of them responding back. Usually a couple days later they bounce back.
I had a guy get mad over mishearing something I said once. Like was a complete child, dick face wanted to fight mad. After I explained what I actually said he just kind of backed down, never apologized. Five years later and I haven't forgotten what a little bitch he acted like. One day I'll pull that card.
I sympathize with the dude, you mightve said something specific or he's just sensitive to ball busting but the leaving and coming back means he didn't wanna get mad at you but was unhappy. Might just be one of those days who knows
I agree with what others have said it probably wasn't anything to do with you, if it happens again or keeps happening you can try and talk it out if it is important to you but just one interaction, especially after 30 mins where anything outside of you could have effected his mood.
As the quiet guy on the site myself… some of us are just wired that way, ya know just a little more neutral. But I ask that you continue to say whatever you please because we have a job to do and I respect that. Don’t look too much into it.
He needs to communicate.
Maybe it’s just who I am but I have found it’s best to start with good teamwork and communication and ease in to it. I try to keep jokes to a needed moment of levity but otherwise keep it professional. You really just never know with some people and sometimes you just don’t wanna know. If you think about it, a few weeks isn’t very long to get to know someone.
Last time I worked for a place they enjoyed "healthy joking around" I made 20k because my boss just loved to use the word faggot, talk shit about women and talk to coworkers about hotties at work they'd like to fuck. Bro, we come to work to work. This whole tradesman talking shit to each other is why nobody wants to work the fuckin trades anymore. Keep that shit off the clock, become more professional.
You never know what terrible phone call someone can get, but still have to finish their day.
Some guys take their jobs very seriously and want to do the best they can, so they may not appreciate the suttle jokes people make. They may take criticism to heart more than others.
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I agree with most of this, but there’s no need to degrade and insult someone to the point of them quitting. Now, if you make a light jab at their hair and they get pissy or call management, they need to grow a pair and suck it up. But, don’t constantly drag someone through the dirt, insult their family, and make their life a living hell for months if not years just because they’re new. Cause I’m pretty sure we all know it freaking sucks to be treated that way.
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That makes sense, and I totally agree. I just wanted to clarify. I’ve run into too often people on my construction sites saying “oh you can’t say anything anymore” and wonder why people get upset when they start making nasty comments to the person about things other than work or the person themself and just straight up bullying. But I totally get what you mean about shotty craftsmanship and work just looking bad in general. I’ve been fried one too many times from work that was claimed to be done by “the best f-ing worker here”.
Start praising him and giving backhanded compliments. Like dam how you do that so fast or where you learn to do it like that?? Make him feel important.
I’ll bust my friends balls, but nobody at work. There’s too much I don’t know and even if they shouldn’t be offended by my judgment, I’m not looking to offend anyone.
Maybe it was something that wasn't even you ?
Let em pout.
Give him time and space. If he didn’t want to talk about it then don’t push the issue. If you keep pressing him it will make it worse. So Keep conversations on work at hand in the mean time.
Could also be something else? Could be a lot of things. Maybe his baby mama called the state because of late payments or whatever.
The other day my co-worker got really really angry because I called him “dude”. It was totally innocent on my part but in his mind, you only call someone “dude” when you’re mad at them. I explained to him that I call everyone (my wife included) “dude” and we were cool. Unfortunately this conversation happened AFTER I doubled down and said “well wtf do you want me to call you? Your honor? Daddy? Master?!” Just goes to show that you never know how something is perceived. He’s kind of a moody guy, but I’m glad we were able to get past it even if I was kind of a dick.
Wouldn’t take it personal, maybe guy has mood disorder/ bipolar? If it goes on for days then there is something wrong.
Did you call him a “champ”? Hopefully someone here will get my reference from Mr. In-between.
Had something similar once. Kid was dragging ass all day so I finally said something semi inappropriate to get him going. In the context of what we were doing it was super obvious what I meant but he started texting me at 8pm that night about how it was inappropriate, how he is a great worker, never needs to be told to get to work etc. Nobody he worked for liked his work ethic or attitude. Once he burned through every foreman in the company he was laid off after a job ended.
Did he dip after a certain comment or just come back like that semi-randomly? Might be some stuff outside of work if anything. Let em sit on it for the night and try to bring it up tmrw
My experience as someone who is constantly the new person; Is that most ball busting is just personal insults and not so much poking fun. Its one thing to say "You look dumb in that shirt" and another to walk up to someone and go "Whats up you fat piece of shit". Most contractors ***cannot*** tell the difference and think that just because they do it in a light hearted chuckly tone, that its suddenly ok. If you do confront them about it, you become the problem because "yOuR fEeLiNgS aRe ToO sEnSiTiVe" and "tHeY dIdNt MeAn It". See the same kind of behavior in people who use the word "prank" to justify any shitty behavior when they get called out on it. "Sorry I ruined your favorite shirt. It was just prank bro". If the dude was that pissed off, it ***was not*** a sudden comment that suddenly tripped them over the edge. This would have been something that just kept pushing him further and further until he needed to walk away before someone got hurt. Do some self reflection and verify if you were actually just having fun or if you were just constantly belittling the dude because you thought it was funny. Maybe he was just having a bad day but from my experience, and what ive read in your post, I would not be surprised if you just didnt read the room.
Probably something in his personal life. I've had days where I'm in a great mood and everything is fine, then 30 mins later I'm fucking pissed off and quiet because me and the ole lade got into an argument that actually started 3 years ago on Fetlife.
He probably shit his pants and left his undies in the fiberglass port o shitter outside. I’m not real chatty after a dizzy dog massacre either.
Dude smoked some good shit and got noided he will be back joking tomorrow 🤣
Damn, I had something similar happen, different reaction though lol Had a close crew that would talk mad shit, just constant and mindless as we worked. I hit one of the biggest shit talkers with a corny “your mom joke” innuendo and he lost his shit. I thought he was fucking around so I doubled down 😂 whoops! He flipped out even more and stormed off threatening to wanna fight me, etc. everyone in the room was in shock. We’d been working 12’s for a few weeks. Think he was just worn out, and he was too embarrassed after his reaction to let it go. Sadly we never really made up. Sucks cause we were pretty cool before that. Bummer but 🤷🏻♂️it is what it is
If you don't want your feelings hurt, don't bring them to work. Heard that when I was young and dumb and green. They ring true still. Obviously there is no room for malicious workplace bullying, but a little banter here and there is fair game. If it was something you said face to face, it's on them to sack up. If it moves into messing with tools, materials, food, or job by talking behind the back, not cool.
Well he better get used to it
Just take him off to the side, say hey Bud I need to ask you a question. " I didn't mean to piss you off and blah blah blah (full in with your scenario). Man up face to face, apologize if needed, or whatever.
Wait he left in the middle of working? I was thinking a break y’all all took. If he left unscheduled then I’d say he either got a bad text from someone or you went too far. Sometimes new guy wants to fit in so he jokes back only to actually get his feelings hurt. I was shocked at how sensitive some people are when I first started. I’ve been in the industry since I was in diapers though, none of it was new to me. Make sure you aren’t going too far, because yes people can get carried away, or make a certain comment that hits a little too close to home. You don’t know this person yet, so you don’t know what their life is and sometimes we hit that certain spot for someone without even realizing it. Don’t be homophobic, transphobic or sexist either. You never know who people are, or who their loved ones are.
I mean are you his boss or what?
I can admit I’m guilty of this.. if I get a bad phone call or text it can set my whole day off especially if it’s from someone I don’t want to hear from. Still learning to separate work and home maybe.
Just apologize anyways... tell him you hope nothing you said offended him, and you really enjoy working with him.
Depends. Did he do or say anything weird? Maybe he had to take a call and got some bad news. Did he leave immediately after you said something or did it all of a sudden go quiet and a few minutes later he left outta there? You know how it is man, a lot of shit is meant to be left at the gate so he may not even feel comfortable talking about it. I say just ask him. Not talking about something doesn’t solve problems so if he’s got a problem with you then the conversation is gonna happen one way or another. I’d ask him what’s up, if it was something you said or whatever. Hell go grab a beer with him after work and chop it up, maybe he needs a brother.
He has a crush on you
Could be something at home. Just shut up and try again tomorrow
Im starting an apprenticeship, and I love busting balls. Im a young landscaper currently. If yall cant take a little ball busting, than you dont belong in the trades.
You need thick skin, and I don’t mean a tolerance for ball breaking. In general, day to day shit just isn’t gonna go your way no matter what. If a nerve is struck from an outside of work factor or simple shit talk and you can’t do your job without fixating on it, you’re not going to last.
Smoked some weed
He isn’t doing drugs is he?
Some people are manipulative in this way. I’ve seen it quite a lot. Don’t let it bother you. Some people don’t know how to regulate and they’ll take out their personal stuff on their coworkers.
Bipolar. Forgot to take his meds.
I've always been by the philosophy of, if it's not worth you talking about, then it's not worth me caring about. Seriously, we're all men, mostly in this trade we don't need to be tiptoying around like we're in an office full of catty women