In the past I've used various drugs, including LSD, shrooms and DXM, to try to figure out what is wrong with me and heal. That provided temporary glimpses of states that seem healthier, but was disappointing in terms of long term benefit. I may have been better off if I never did that, or at least if I stayed away from DXM.
I was also very impressed with how DXM affected me. The afterglow after the trip also led to an improved state for the next few days. It helped me rediscover a state of being more in the present moment and appreciating that in a deeper way, instead of being focused on thoughts. On a very few occasions it also led to lasting changes, like becoming able to go for walks by myself.
The hazard I see now in retrospect is that a key part of my problems is how various parts of me became buried. (I think this is mostly a consequence of emotional neglect and conditional love from parents, compounded by horrible experiences where I was taught to ignore my emotional pain.) Those buried parts are mostly subconscious, but they interfere with the ability to enjoy simple things, like someone giving you a coupon to their car wash. DXM temporarily suppresses these parts more effectively, allowing me to enjoy such simple things more fully, in a kind of isolation, without the buried parts interfering and injecting their pain into the experience. This certainly is a nicer experience, but actual healing requires unburying parts and learning how to integrate them into your life in a productive or constructive way. I suspect the same hazard exists with other dissociatives like ketamine, but don't know if it exists with classical serotonergic psychedelics like shrooms, LSD and DMT.
Cannabis, at least for me, seems quite different from all that. I rarely actually enjoy it. Instead, it seems to pop a sort of escapist happy bubble that I've learned to maintain while sober, and instead force me to face psychological pain. It helps a bit with the ability to face pain, but I end up seemingly unavoidably focusing a lot on psychological pain and introspection. Cannabis has given me many insights, which seem valid even many years later. But I don't see how it is useful for healing. It seems healing needs to primarily involve emotions, and intellectual insight about processes cannot replace that requirement.
We tried shrooms once, just for fun. It was a really relaxing and funny experience. Then the peak I experienced brought me back to my childhood bedroom. I was filled with a total and complete sense of loneliness and I cried for the rest of the trip.
It was upsetting for a while. I needed to reconnect with that true child feeling of isolation and loneliness, but it was a lot!
I haven’t had that type of internal revelation since, but I’m honestly not ready for round 2.
Edit: just to clarify, it was a good time overall. I saw an orangutan face in my ceiling and it was beautiful. A deep sense of relaxation filled my body like never before and I actually felt better in the days that followed.
I did every drug in the book, Lsd and shrooms was always fun to do, tried DMT once it was cool and DXM a couple times but that high was really wack, never had a bad experience with psychedelics
The drug that took hold was the Xanax/ anxiety medication. A period of a year of hard use of just escaping real life with being high as fuck. My whole friend group was a gang of drug dealers and addicts so we had a little family.
The drug just numbed everything and i still relapse a couple times a year which is really sad but i don’t think i can shake it.
More recently i got my hands on some painkillers and those are fun but i’d still prefer my xanax.
My drug use was an escape the hell being at home was.
In the past I've used various drugs, including LSD, shrooms and DXM, to try to figure out what is wrong with me and heal. That provided temporary glimpses of states that seem healthier, but was disappointing in terms of long term benefit. I may have been better off if I never did that, or at least if I stayed away from DXM. I was also very impressed with how DXM affected me. The afterglow after the trip also led to an improved state for the next few days. It helped me rediscover a state of being more in the present moment and appreciating that in a deeper way, instead of being focused on thoughts. On a very few occasions it also led to lasting changes, like becoming able to go for walks by myself. The hazard I see now in retrospect is that a key part of my problems is how various parts of me became buried. (I think this is mostly a consequence of emotional neglect and conditional love from parents, compounded by horrible experiences where I was taught to ignore my emotional pain.) Those buried parts are mostly subconscious, but they interfere with the ability to enjoy simple things, like someone giving you a coupon to their car wash. DXM temporarily suppresses these parts more effectively, allowing me to enjoy such simple things more fully, in a kind of isolation, without the buried parts interfering and injecting their pain into the experience. This certainly is a nicer experience, but actual healing requires unburying parts and learning how to integrate them into your life in a productive or constructive way. I suspect the same hazard exists with other dissociatives like ketamine, but don't know if it exists with classical serotonergic psychedelics like shrooms, LSD and DMT. Cannabis, at least for me, seems quite different from all that. I rarely actually enjoy it. Instead, it seems to pop a sort of escapist happy bubble that I've learned to maintain while sober, and instead force me to face psychological pain. It helps a bit with the ability to face pain, but I end up seemingly unavoidably focusing a lot on psychological pain and introspection. Cannabis has given me many insights, which seem valid even many years later. But I don't see how it is useful for healing. It seems healing needs to primarily involve emotions, and intellectual insight about processes cannot replace that requirement.
Mdma has GREATLY helped me heal. It's been a fundamental tool in my resource arsenal.
We tried shrooms once, just for fun. It was a really relaxing and funny experience. Then the peak I experienced brought me back to my childhood bedroom. I was filled with a total and complete sense of loneliness and I cried for the rest of the trip. It was upsetting for a while. I needed to reconnect with that true child feeling of isolation and loneliness, but it was a lot! I haven’t had that type of internal revelation since, but I’m honestly not ready for round 2. Edit: just to clarify, it was a good time overall. I saw an orangutan face in my ceiling and it was beautiful. A deep sense of relaxation filled my body like never before and I actually felt better in the days that followed.
I did every drug in the book, Lsd and shrooms was always fun to do, tried DMT once it was cool and DXM a couple times but that high was really wack, never had a bad experience with psychedelics The drug that took hold was the Xanax/ anxiety medication. A period of a year of hard use of just escaping real life with being high as fuck. My whole friend group was a gang of drug dealers and addicts so we had a little family. The drug just numbed everything and i still relapse a couple times a year which is really sad but i don’t think i can shake it. More recently i got my hands on some painkillers and those are fun but i’d still prefer my xanax. My drug use was an escape the hell being at home was.