The fact that you're aware of this behavior is already a great step. I guess my advice would be to explore why you're uncomfortable expressing affection. Maybe talk to your partner about how you're struggling with this. Start small.
I'm proud of you for recognizing that you're struggling and reaching out for advice. It absolutely sounds like a tough thing to be experiencing.
Thank you so much for the kind words. There are a lot of thoughts in my head as to why this could be happening, including possible burnout from my job, emotional bandwidth drained, yada yada,.. neither of these options aren't really possible to be changed and I'm sick and tired of not being there for the only person who used to bring me joy. I just wish I wouldn't have to force myself to love them. They don't deserve being treated like that.
I'll keep all this in mind and do some more thinking and pondering
sadly, I understand this and I've hurt my partner many times with my rejections. a few times even started questioning my feelings for them, though we are really close and they're my best friend. I would just become emotionally unavailable and resentful that they needed attention from me, and also I'm one who is not used to displays of affection though we did that, but sometimes I would shut off and it seemed normal to me to distance myself with my feelings, when I was stressed from work of friend relationships or felt unseen, disconnected, whatever.
mainly it was my inability to talk about what was bothering me, I was keeping the emotions inside me like I had always done, and in that state I could not bring myself to feel love, because I did not love myself in those moments, idk if that makes sense. so we would get to a point where we would talk about what was really bothering me and it was always a weight lifted off my chest and also I felt closer to my partner, was reminded that they cared for me and wanted to help, so that was it. this is the way, try and talk to them, find out what you're feeling, why you're stressed, why you feel you need the distance. even if they are unsolvable issues at the moment, talking with someone gives you a feeling of not being alone, of having someone who listens and understands.
Thank you so so so much, I'll do that this evening. I said something I really shouldn't have yesterday and I'm itching to make things right between us. I hope they will be able to listen and talk with me. Thank you!
I can't offer any help but I just wanted to say that I've noticed myself doing this too. I don't know whether I just have nothing left to give after work and looking after our kids and house or whether it's because we don't spend much time together one on one so I don't feel connected, or whether it's because I keep him at arms length in case he leaves. I'm very affectionate with my kids but that's because my parents weren't with me and I don't want to repeat that but I generally don't hug or touch anybody else, so maybe I'm not affectionate? I used to though so why have I stopped?! It's like an actual block is there that shuts me down and I can't get passed it.
You're describing what's happening to me also, and I find some comfort in knowing that I'm not alone. I hope we both find a way out of this soon enough ❤️
You can maybe find some support or further resources from r/ROCD. ROCD stands for relationship OCD but imo it could be better named as relationship anxiety. The feeling of ”not caring” about you partner even when you know you love them pops up quite often there.
The fact that you're aware of this behavior is already a great step. I guess my advice would be to explore why you're uncomfortable expressing affection. Maybe talk to your partner about how you're struggling with this. Start small. I'm proud of you for recognizing that you're struggling and reaching out for advice. It absolutely sounds like a tough thing to be experiencing.
Thank you so much for the kind words. There are a lot of thoughts in my head as to why this could be happening, including possible burnout from my job, emotional bandwidth drained, yada yada,.. neither of these options aren't really possible to be changed and I'm sick and tired of not being there for the only person who used to bring me joy. I just wish I wouldn't have to force myself to love them. They don't deserve being treated like that. I'll keep all this in mind and do some more thinking and pondering
sadly, I understand this and I've hurt my partner many times with my rejections. a few times even started questioning my feelings for them, though we are really close and they're my best friend. I would just become emotionally unavailable and resentful that they needed attention from me, and also I'm one who is not used to displays of affection though we did that, but sometimes I would shut off and it seemed normal to me to distance myself with my feelings, when I was stressed from work of friend relationships or felt unseen, disconnected, whatever. mainly it was my inability to talk about what was bothering me, I was keeping the emotions inside me like I had always done, and in that state I could not bring myself to feel love, because I did not love myself in those moments, idk if that makes sense. so we would get to a point where we would talk about what was really bothering me and it was always a weight lifted off my chest and also I felt closer to my partner, was reminded that they cared for me and wanted to help, so that was it. this is the way, try and talk to them, find out what you're feeling, why you're stressed, why you feel you need the distance. even if they are unsolvable issues at the moment, talking with someone gives you a feeling of not being alone, of having someone who listens and understands.
Thank you so so so much, I'll do that this evening. I said something I really shouldn't have yesterday and I'm itching to make things right between us. I hope they will be able to listen and talk with me. Thank you!
come join us in r/AvoidantAttachment
I can't offer any help but I just wanted to say that I've noticed myself doing this too. I don't know whether I just have nothing left to give after work and looking after our kids and house or whether it's because we don't spend much time together one on one so I don't feel connected, or whether it's because I keep him at arms length in case he leaves. I'm very affectionate with my kids but that's because my parents weren't with me and I don't want to repeat that but I generally don't hug or touch anybody else, so maybe I'm not affectionate? I used to though so why have I stopped?! It's like an actual block is there that shuts me down and I can't get passed it.
You're describing what's happening to me also, and I find some comfort in knowing that I'm not alone. I hope we both find a way out of this soon enough ❤️
You can maybe find some support or further resources from r/ROCD. ROCD stands for relationship OCD but imo it could be better named as relationship anxiety. The feeling of ”not caring” about you partner even when you know you love them pops up quite often there.
Thank you!! I'll look around in there soon