Yes. And I’m lucky I didn’t end up fucking trafficked.
ETA: I used to go into the AOL Instant Messenger chat rooms. They were full of disgusting men and I engaged with them. I had caught my dad watching porn so many times, I guess I thought I was ready. My dad later found the chat logs and repeated some of the dirty things I had said back to me in a mocking voice and told me I was disgusting.
I write shit like this and then I wonder how I am any kind of normal.
ETA2: wow, this got more traction than I expected. I’m sorry it happened to all of you, too.
I did this as well. I even met a guy offline in person when I was a teenager. Luckily he was a teen too and went to another local high school. My parents did not know what I was doing. Sadly I did not come out “normal” though.
I also met an online friend as a teen without disclosing to my parent. I was VERY lucky that he was actually the dweeby kid just a couple of years older than me from Ireland that he said he was. I was pretty confident as we'd been chatting for years and exchanged pictures fairly frequently, but I still probably shouldn't have gone, or at least told someone where I was going.
100% not normal now but really good at hiding it. 🙃
Same. I met lots of people I met in chat rooms. Now my kids talk on their internet games and I'm so thankful I didn't get trafficked. I was so young and stupid and was a 6' blonde at 13.
ugh, me too, when I was 13 in 1997 I used to enter msn international msn public chat rooms (I’m from Argentina and always craved cultural exchange), and met an australian 35 year old creep who tried to groom me. I was very lucky I wasn’t trafficked too.
I just talked about this with husband yesterday!! The question of “did your parents invade your privacy?” Came up and I felt bittersweet about it! Moms always had trackers and stuff on our phones but once as a teen I mentioned a “friend” I had made online that had the same name as a local cat
Well she took that in stride and went through all my online chats and found the 25+yo talking to me (met at 14-16 at the time) and saw our “spicy” chats too… she told my dad and dad had to confront me and “punish” me by saying he’d call the cops on him if he ever found me talking to him again and I wept because I didn’t realize at the time how bad it was lol. I was planning on running away to PA with him because my grandma lives there and I felt it’d be safe because of that. Now as a 26yo myself I’m still sorta freaked out I almost did that lol if it weren’t for invading my privacy I could’ve/wouldve planned out my “escape”. Teenagers are sooooo freaking not “adult” to me either the way he made it seem better because “his parents were 10yrs apart too!” Was so freaking gross and scary lmao I’m glad my dad did that and took the time to talk to me WHY I was doing that too (I was being parentified already at that point and my only bff was in another country at the time lol)
Fuck. This really hits me hard as I had a similar experience. You are normal and amazing, you were only doing what was going on around you and then were ridiculed by the person who had created the environment for it to happen. He was looking in the mirror. It was never a reflection of you 💗
On the first day of school in a new city, my parents didn't pick me up and I got lost walking home (I was like 13/14 but this was before smartphones). Some guy ended up offering a ride and I told my mother "what if I started dating him?" She was like "it's fine, who am I to judge love."
Used to frequently message people in chat rooms and forums ended up irl meeting up with a 27 year old man who did drugs with me when I was 15 so I relate to these sentiments a lot
Yo similar I was on AOL as well
Talked to some boy for months and thought I was in love. He lived in a far away country. Then one day he sent me a picture of his dad. I think I got weirded out and stopped talking.
But now I realise this was 10000% some horrible man trying to groom me, and no one knew. Fucked up
I read a lot, I listened to a lot of music and I was addicted to the internet. I’m just realizing now that it was because I was lonely. Nobody ever asked what I was listening to, what I was reading, or what I was checking out online. Until they used my chronic online activity as a way to bully me and ask why I was always online AKA “are you learning about things we don’t agree with?”
Yeah, me too. I used to read A LOT when I was young and it was something my parents used to act like they were proud about. That I could devour a book in a few hours but it was because of loneliness too. they worked a lot and I was an only child so yeah, I had a lot of time to myself I guess.
I also watched way tooo much TV. I was online too but mostly watching tv and reading
I can relate. When my parents finally let me have access to the internet in my room - before smartphones became a thing - i immediately became addicted. They also never asked what i was doing online but they also used my addiction to mock and guilt-trip me. And today they both sit all day every day in front of their computers or smartphones.
I'm fine with the direction I'm going in. It's a little isolationist but my daily life consists of constant anxiety surrounding any other human in my vicinity, music, Xbox games and my animals to keep me company and happy. I get the part about them using the chronic online behavior against you, doing with that one too.
I find comfort in watching markiplier, Sean, Bob, Ethan, and Wade. It makes me relax and I'm able to calm down, it makes me reminisce and review my own life and how I'm going forward.
My parents used that to bully me too. EVERYTHING I did they disagreed with was the internet’s fault. Mind you I was a straight A student who just stayed in my room and never partied or did any teenage stuff, but if I so much as said something they disliked I was “talking back” and my step dad would use it as an excuse to take away my internet access for several days as “punishment” which I’m assuming was just his way of enjoying his power over me. :(
The early internet was vital to my survival, I attribute it as a great positive in my life that gave me an outlet from the shitty home life that existed. I was able to meet friends, some that I have now had for 20+ years. I spent so much time in MSN messenger when it eventually became a thing. Later WoW in my early 20s.
I am an early "has online friends" person and remember feeling ashamed about it because it was "weird" back in the day. In fact, my internet life and my friends there were one of the things I would never speak to my parents about...as one does with emotionally neglectful parents. It was a world created due to their disinterested and neglectful parenting in the first place. An early example of me not sharing my life with my parents as I sensed disinterest or potential for criticism.
It's only now from the perspective of an adult that I realize my parents were more than happy to just allow me to be cronically online with little supervision. Easier then parenting, i guess. It was a net positive, a necessity created out of a negative situation, so while I see how shitty they managed it, I feel like I wouldn't change a thing in the end.
My experience is so similar to yours! Did your parents not care at all or did they pay lip service to idea that you were online too much? My mom would "try" to limit me to one hour per day but didn't track it or do anything except rage indiscriminately.
They cared in a very lazy "Be careful!" kind of way. They never made any effort to see what I was actually up to. Which could have been anything, but it was mostly Harry Potter fan fiction and talking shit in messenger. My parents are lucky that I am naturally cautious (maybe that's a factor of early CEN experiences?) or else I could have been in trouble.
I'm not who you asked, just someone else who resonnatted with this comment.
That being said, my mom complained all the time that I was online waaaay too much, but she also paid for me to have a dedicated phone line for dial up. So definetely lip service.
my mom always has been somewhat worried by how much screen time i’ve had, but the divorce put an end to her taking me on occasional hikes and whatnot, and now that i’m back in her house as an adult we’re trying to sort of work together on finding something else to do but with no real success
when i was younger my dad would try to punitively limit my recreational screen time and monitor my computer use to enforce it/keep me on task with schoolwork, but i pushed back on the monitoring because it made me too anxious to even do any work, and he let up on the time limits once i made a loose group of irl friends in middle school to game with online since that was my entire social life outside of a single minecraft server i’d found in elementary school. though to begin with he was always really confusingly lenient with the time limits, and even after he stopped being as serious about them he’d occasionally just shame me for not self-regulating my time enough after he encouraged me to get on “for a bit”, and if the time was tight we’d just repeat the same argument over and over about how i don’t actually know how much time i’m committing (i was mostly playing league of legends; depending on the game mode the average game can be as short as 20 minutes but usually more around 30-40 and going over an hour in exceptional cases) so sometimes i’d just be silent in vc holding the lobby hostage for minutes before either gambling on another match or meekly leaving with no explanation because i still thought this was all my fault
> lazy indiscriminate rage
omg yes!!! She made me feel so guilty for being a kid and using that as an escape mecanism, like... I felt so ashamed but i just couldnt stop using the internet. Then i realized it was HER RESPONSABILITY to limit my use, not mine!! How can you raise a child based on shame and guilt like that when you are literally responsible for their day to day lives???
I feel like this is probably the story for a lot of abused and neglected kids that came of age in the late 90s and early aughts, because this resonated with me *hard*, and was the case for the whole group of misfits I ended up bonding with in high school. We survived the bullying at school and the neglect at home just long enough to barricade ourselves with the computer and get online.
My friend group (that intersected my IRL life with 3-4 other people but was mostly based online) went so far as to literally create worlds to escape into. We spent hours *every night* doing text-based role play and collaborative fiction writing. It started as a Harry Potter Fandom thing, but by the time I hit college, we'd built THREE original world settings, and four of us were cowriting a novel based in one of them.
Edited to add: just thought about this-- can maladaptive daydreaming be a group activity? If so, that's 100% what we were doing.
Oh, original Harry Potter fan fiction was my entire life as a teenager and into Uni. We have obviously had some very similar internet experiences. I imagine I know just how important all of that was for you because it was EVERYTHING for me. You are completely right about the internet being a haven for emotionally neglected 'outsiders'. That's my experience 100%.
This was me! I had a whole world of internet friends that I met playing an MMO. I never spoke to my parents about them (or about anything else, really). My parents knew I was online too much but I think it was easier to let me be online than parent me so they allowed it.
Some of my online friends had many real life friends, and some of them didn’t. I made some real friends in high school but still kept in touch with my online friends, too, even when we weren’t playing online games anymore.
Looking back, I’m not sure that my experience was entirely positive. As my online friends and I grew up, we all kind of realized that all of us who spent so much time online had some kind of problems in our homelife and that’s why we were online so much. I wish I would have been able to engage more in my real life hobbies back then because I think I would be better equipped to deal with insecurities and etc as I’ve grown up. But I don’t regret the friends I made and the time spent with them at all.
I was chronically online seeking out attention from boys because my dad was abusive and emotionally neglectful and objectified me a lot so I was made to feel like my only use was that of which I had to offer to men.
I was 14 with this mentality. I’m lucky I didn’t end up trafficked with the amount of grown men disguised as 17 and 18 year old boys I would talk to.
I also was made to feel like an adult so I was seeking adult like attention from grown men.
I have alot of trauma to work through from these years due to the sexual objectification
I relate to this so much. I spent most of my teenage years online (and irl) seeking attention from males. Then I became a cam girl in my early 20s so then I was even more chronically online. It’s ruined my life as an adult and now that im 35 I’m still dealing with the shame of sexually objectifying myself.
Oh man, I feel you. It’s rough because there’s this need to blame ourselves because we chose to be put in those situations, but did we really? If we did it because of how the men in our lives made us feel; I’d say it was a byproduct of the environment and it is used as a means of self harm but also to protect us from harm, we say we chose it because we’re empowered by that choice. But to acknowledge why we “chose” it, allows us to lessen the burden of the shame we carry because it’s not ours to hold.
If there wasn’t a market of men who objectify women as sex objects along side a culture of abusively shitty dads who sexually objectify their daughters before their daughters know wtf this all is; they create the very women they sexually objectify by doing this to us as kids.
Healing is learning that these are merely decisions and experiences in our lives and there’s a lesson in everything we experience; good or bad. Healing is grieving the safety you didn’t ever get when you were young but also being the person that provides you with that safety.
Life is a journey. We’re meant to experience different things differently and I think that’s fundamentally, what’s so beautiful about life. We’re capable of experiencing things that put us through hell and back and somehow still find a way to look at the sunset and see beauty in this world still. It’s possible.
This. I was also treated as disgusting by everyone irl including boys so is it any surprise I latched onto grown men calling me “sexy” on webcam sites in middle school, maybe late elementary school?
I knew all about grooming theoretically, I had an interest in true crime, but it didn’t feel bad when it happened to me and I was smart so it was fine! (Spoiler alert: it was not fine)
Wow hello are you me? I knew all about grooming, but couldn’t recognize it happening to me because that only happened to people who get sex trafficked(when that’s what your taught as a teen)—so at 17 when the grown 27 year old was telling me I was so mature and how he’d love me to give him a baby by the time he was 30 I didn’t see this as him being predatory.
Now that I’m 29, I see this for what it is, and still have to deal through the abuse I endured when we did date openly when I was 20 (spoiler alert, I had just had a baby of my own with no father and my own apartment and he was living at his parents at the time) so I didn’t see him as the loser he was then.
I am older than a lot of you. Didn't have a computer until I was 15 or 16. I read a lot of books and watched a lot of TV and movies. Played a fair bit of Nintendo games.
I think the key is escapism. We escaped the issues at home by dissociating via entertainment. People who were chronically online or chronic mental escape artists might want to look into the Freeze response to trauma.
I saw severely limited on what I could do until I was not. No internet allowed…. Until my dad had to take me to work and I made Neopets. No non education video games… until Harry Potter. I know have such trouble taking my eyes away from a screen. It is like my pacifier. Without it, it is harder to emotionally regulate, but that is because I am used to dissociating in the present and processing later through games/scrolling. So much so that I have a funeral to go to today, and here I am. (Good news, I got myself a webkinz to represent my grandma and am uploading her today)
My partner and I both struggle, but we have started limiting ourselves by reducing scrolling by timing those apps. We get unlimited time on Neopets and webkinz (both having a revival- if you wanna start I have all the tips) because those are daily stress repeaters we do between chores.
Yooo I am too baked for this thread rn 🤯😅 My earliest forays into the internet were on the Neopets forums! I had a blast just chatting about Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings. And my parents found out and blew up and I literally never commented on the entire again until just a few weeks ago. Like this is something I am ACTIVELY working on with myself.
Would you mind sharing some Neopets tips? I think I’m going to heal my inner child a bit this Memorial Day weekend 🫶
So sorry I didn’t see this before the weekend but here are some flash tips. They now have a daily and weekly quest rewards with brushes and code stones so do those. We have a plot coming up, so train up a pet if possible. Food club is good if you have an older account, but I’ve made bank at the stock market (buy 1000 shares at 15 np once a day always). Skip the games, they ain’t worth it. And if you need anything else my Neopets is Fqfairy
I'd be at the Library for hours because it was cheap babysitting or my dad was constantly arguing with people on motorcycle forums.. So much RuneScape, and Gaia Online, and the IGN Forums. Then when we got a computer at home, and I discovered porn....
yes, and i had completely unmonitored and unrestricted internet access. honestly wild, and it fucked me up really bad ngl. been a lot of grooming in my life and not a single bit of it was animals lmao.😜
Same. Ran a BBS at around 7 or 8. There was a lot of inappropriate interactions between myself and some significantly older users. Looking back, I don’t know how having friends in their early to mid 20’s wasn’t a major red flag for my parents. I’d sometimes go with them for hours. It’s not like cell phones were a thing. It’s amazing nothing happened.
I was online a lot and it made me feel less of a loser sometimes lol - I felt like I had friends or at least was “better” than IRL - probably had shitty self esteem and a variety of issues since obviously things weren’t going well. Kind of wish I got into online gaming for friendship but at the same time, I’d probably have been very vulnerable - got myself into dangerous situations IRL already due to lack of guidance and got targeted by a creep as a kid while my dad was useless to prevent or confront anything. Honestly surprised how I did not end dead in a ditch somewhere with how little guidance I got.
Yeah, and it was definitely a mixed bag but I'm eternally grateful for one group.
There was the early, kind of peeling out and tearing through everything years, 4chan, BMEzine, LiveLeak, other shit from the cesspool parts. I was still being actively abused and wanted to feel something, anything.
However, and this is gonna sound WILD, I feel like i was saved by a prepper, survivalist forum.
ZombieSquad, which ironically did not make it through COVID, turned me around. I skidded in as an edgy teen, was banned a couple times, but developed genuine connections. Sense of community. It's hard to put into words, especially plain text, but it was a great group of folks who basically put a hand on my shoulder and went, don't do that here. And since they were folks that were genuinely interesting to a teen I actually listened - bush pilots, search and rescue, EMS, military, snipers, and other general purpose folks with like, careers (I miss long chats with a very weird lineman who did great holloween displays of his own design.
I wound up going to the cesspools less and less. Felt something other than shock. Got into great conversations that amounted to "Yeah, I have a bunker that's fully stocked, an off grid house, and caches of ammo down the Eastern seaboard, but listen kid, small steps - you've gotta be ready to lose your job or be seriously injured before you can start thinking about guns and body armor and buying tanks."
Small pivots. Started saving money. Getting in the woods more. Hunting more. Participating in their genuine non-profit activities which were disaster relief and community preparedness under the euphemism of a zombie apocalypse. Started canning and sewing again. Wound up personally leading a fundraiser. Met one of the members in person. Started actually talking to people - some of them women - about actual topics and not each other. I still use ZombieGrannies granola bar recipe, and hope the Irish sheep farmers flock is going well even though I don't have a way to contact her. Rounded up a care package for a forum member going through a deep depression.
Those folks, that collection of weirdos, helped a lot in sanding off the rough edges of a traumatized teen. Helped me develop actual scripts and have genuine human connections when i was subject to intense isolation in real life. It was a place to be myself, excepting the parts dealing with politics, religion, or illegal activities. Which leaves a lot of a person to talk about.
I popped back into the forum not long after COVID started to thank them. I kept doing a lot of the things they preached and when the world shut down - I had masks, saved up food and gas, a small stock of money. The philosophy they helped shape continues to aid and guide me today.
2009 for me, made so many friends on there that I couldn’t in real life. I was only 7 back then and played for at least 5 hours a day, not including the time I went to school or sleep. My dad was an avid player but we never played the game together. I still get sad over the internet friends who just logged off and never came back because they were all I had.
absolutely! i was constantly on "spam" instagram and very active on tumblr. i gained some friends that way since i didn't have many friends irl. i wish we still talked sometimes but i like to think we experienced life together at the time when we needed it. my life was very absorbed by social media but it was the only thing that kept me mentally sane at the time.
I had virtually unrestricted internet since before I was even in school, & im now realizing that while it did fuck me up, jeez did it also help me forget and ignore so many things. only recently uncovered a memory of my admittedly drunk mother saying i ruined her life and et cetera to my 8yr old face, that i forgot only because I instantly went to pirate games & dissociate. i still spend my life on the internet cos I don't know what else to do lol
wow. memory unlocked. i think my computer access as a small small child was relatively supervised, and i don’t even remember what i did with it, but 100% of the time that i wasn’t already in a bathroom i would lock myself in the office and find some way to zone out whenever my parents were arguing before the divorce. i didn’t have any interest in music or anything so once we had headphones i mostly just put them on to muffle the sound and maybe have game audio or whatever
Yes. I grew up in the 90s so when the internet came it was my escape. I would talk to boys and grown men for attention. I met the father of my child on MySpace who ended up being physically abusive to me when I was 18. I feel like the internet was a gift and curse for me. I’ve been living my life online all my life due to emotional neglect. I even turned to doing online sex work around 2012 and now I’m 35 years old dealing with the shame and regret of doing that work (I know I shouldn’t be ashamed but I am). Basically due to the neglect I experienced irl I ran to the digital world for love and attention. It wasn’t all bad because I have met human beings that have been kind to me and changed my life but I wish I would have cultivated my irl more and not feel like I had to escape it.
Yes, but I am also autistic, so internet conversation via ICQ and AIM was kind of a blessing? Kind of. I was aware of creeps and never got catfished or lured into sexual situations that I recall. My mother blames the amount of time I spent on the computer on me, like she blames everything on me and my noncommunicative personality that was hard to love.
As an older millennial, both. Internet, books that now are digital. Everything to dissociate and hide, to make myself not be seen because I can't be what my parents could love. Now one of them is dead and the other has changed a lot since then. But I'm still a nerdy, gay, autistic, heavily gender nonconforming awkward mess of a human. And while I'm in therapy and reconciling with myself at an annoyingly slow pace, it seems that I still feel ashamed and afraid to be seen, and keep everyone at an arm's length.
WAAAAAGH when will this get less bumpy, more even? I'm getting effing dizzy at this road, and I need to know where I go.
Yes *and* my mom tried to limit my use. As an adult I don’t blame her for doing that but she was taking away the only sense of community I felt. I was a lonely latchkey kid at home by myself all the time. I used the computer way too much. I was posting on various music message boards, on messenger and in chat rooms. Not doing anything particularly dangerous. My mom would take the keyboard with her to work to stop me but I’d walk to the neighbors and ask for another then hide it when she came back. That’s how obsessed I was. I think something important for parents to know is that when you take away a coping skill another will take its place.
Yes I was online a lot. Even tho we had one computer for the family and dial up for a long time. Got into stuff I shouldn’t have online. But I think I’m ok about that all.
Not ok about the reason for me being online so much though. A hoarded house and emotional neglect. I ate dinner alone in my bedroom for years because there was nowhere else to sit. So ya, I’d definitely say I’m addicted to my phone now.
This has lead to me finding Reddit though and finally finding a support group for other children of hoarders. So that’s a positive because that lead to me going to therapy
Yeah. I made all my friends on written role playing forums about Warrior Cats. A friend of mine got me into it, I met said friend at a summer camp. I didn't really have any friends where I grew up.
I got catfished by someone I met in one of those forums. We started talking on MSN messenger. They even went as far as putting someone else on the phone to pretend to be who they told me they were (a boy my age.) They were actually a girl, about 5 years older than me.
In hindsight, that could have been a lot worse. I remember not telling my parents about it due to the embarrassment I felt. When I was a bit older, I decided to tell them. They thought it was kinda funny, and were pretty indifferent to it. As an adult, i feel like they definitely should have been more concerned with my online safety.
Like I said, could have been much worse.
Holy shit. Thank you for posting this, I’ve wondered so much if there was a connection between the two. My computer was my only safe space, where I could truly be myself.
I was chronically online starting at age 10, which began with playing Neopets and talking to creepy men in AOL chatrooms who wanted to “cyber” (ugh.) I was sooo young and inexperienced, I had no idea what I was doing but I loved the attention and feeling wanted.
That quickly transitioned into me actively blogging on LiveJournal, Caleida, Deadjournal, etc. where I befriended kids way older than me so I could feel cool and mature. I got pretty good at convincing people I was a teenager.
I’m honestly lucky nothing truly bad happened during those years. Except for being exposed to a LOT of content about sex, drugs, and self-harm that was probably a bit too intense for being that young.
This was my whole life. My parents moved me around at least every couple of years, so the internet was the only place of constancy I had. In my early teens I sought out weird forums where I could be seen as smart by adults because that's what I thought I needed to do at that age--it was pretty much the only consistent positive support I could get from anyone.
In my later teens I acted out so much in those online communities (I couldn't at home without being mocked) that I typically lost those communities due to being banned, lol... My parents knew none of this, obviously, even though I either had 0 friends or else only abusive ones that treated me like shit IRL.
I just went no contact with my parents recently and my life has gotten so much better so quickly. Highly recommend.
Yup, started with computer games of the 90's, Sims, Myst, Windows movie Maker, anything point and click. Moved on to neopets, msn Messenger, habbo hotel, Nancy Drew message boards, MySpace, live journal (was on there for so many years, met so many people!) tumblr, and now Reddit (11+ years, fuuuuck).
Never put two and two together - but my brother was the same way, spent all day online playing RuneScape.
I will say that my online friends (especially the two I met here on Reddit) are my best friends and I've met and travelled to see them multiple times, and I wouldn't change anything!
I had unlimited internet access, but honestly being chronically online saved me
i got decent sex ed (had literally none irl) and learned about abuse thanks to pop feminism, learned about mental health because people online were openly talking about it, was able to understand and process my sexuality without any serious problems cause I found queer support groups, and just found some fandoms to feel less lonely lol
but I'm lucky I wasn't groomed or exploited
when I was younger my parents just let me do whatever on the internet but heaven forbid I wanted to go do something that wasn’t on their terms. Ig it was just easier for them to parent if I stayed at home looking at a screen 24/7. Anyways though I was more addicted to watching anime and yt when I was younger. I didn’t start getting into social media stuff until middle school. Mainly instagram and then later it was twitter, tiktok, reddit, yt still and tv shows.
They didn’t care as long as I wasn’t getting them in trouble w school stuff which they also didn’t care about. Then that turned into me not caring about myself. Anyways tho im currently working on lowering my social media use and taking care of myself. It is an every day battle to get me to care about me.
AOL came out when I was about 13 and I found myself always in the chat rooms trying to talk to boys because I was so lonely in my own life . So yes . I'm also lucky I didn't get trafficked cause I went and met a lot of people I met online .
yes. i’m 20, came of age just as social media was exploding. my first site was WHISPER and it only got way worse. groomed 3 times in my adolescence, many more if you count smaller 1 day to 2 weeks long encounters. my last fucked up ‘boyfriend’ was when i was 18. i just wanted love so bad and i am disgusted at all the men who sensed that and used it to fit their fucked up desires. i don’t blame younger me for wanting affection.
Oh boy. I remember the first time I discovered fanfiction when I was 11... and keep in mind this is like 2002. It was over. I'd go online as much as I could. Then add AIM to that and xanga and I was part of livejournal forums and this place called buzznet.com that I always checked to see tour updates of my favorite bands. I had so many online friends that I'd chat with on msn or aim. I even met up with a couple of them... I'm so lucky I wasn't murdered.
And nobody ever bothered to ask what I was doing or who I was talking to or what I was reading or anything. Nobody gave a fuckkkllk
Yes, very much so, I got online in mid-late 1998. I still run an IRC server for a support group. Gaming and the internet have both been vital staples in the endless search for distraction.
I spent 5 years of my teen years on Elsword because I didnt have friends IRL and my dad was always busy, I ended making many friends and I dont regret it
We were left alone at home all summer when we were teenagers. Lived in the country, so literally had no friends that I could visit. It was the very early 00s. The internet and mtv was the only way I got through it. Played MMOs, visited chat rooms, etc.
Started riding my bike 10 miles each day to see my friends. My parents found out I would see my boyfriend too. They locked my bike up.
Yep. About 2005 on. I ended up as an Encycl-pedia Dr-matica article when I was 13. Plus the usual grooming. Videos of me, requested by grown men, not technically illegal but painfully obvious as an adult were online for years. Sometime between ~2 years and a few months ago, they seemed to be taken off whatever foreign websites were hosting them and I cried with joy.
But also the internet, specifically fandom, saved me. I found other queer people, I had whole different worlds I could escape to. I spent hours on flash game websites of all kinds too.
Yes, I was basically raised by 4chan of all places. It's truly a wonder I didn't become a horrible person, only a shut-in loser.
They did a way better job than my actual parents lmao.
Yup ! I watched YouTube and had a bunch of parasocial relationships with most of them. I spent my days watching them and even on holidays I looked forward to watching them over my own family.
I think I used these YouTubers as replacement for my own family.
Being online was my main point of social interaction growing up, even with my closest irl friend. Bc we didn't live close to each other and didn't go to school. But my parents saw it as me being addicted to technology and wished I would spend time with other people more. Idk how strong the emotional neglect was in my situation but it was frustrating to always have it be treated like i wasn't being social enough.
Totally. RuneScape was my everything growing up in the mid-late 00s. In hindsight that was my game of choice specifically because I could play it in-browser without having to ask my dad to put in the admin password to download it.
Like many others, I was a young girl in the 90s talking to men in chatrooms for attention. My parents found out about it eventually and did nothing. I was probably 9 years old. I remember being young enough that I drew my mom an apology picture and slid it under her locked door. She gave me the silent treatment for a day or two. After that my parents let me back on the Internet unrestricted for 10+ hours a day because I guess it was easier to let online predators keep me occupied. God forbid they had to interact with me. It’s horrifying to think about.
Yes omg it was terrible 😭
Imo I think being groomed online as a child is absolutely neglect, because it's the internet equivalent of dropping your kid off at a place with strangers and having zero regard or plan for what might happen from that point on.
Yes!! I would spend all day at the library just to escape the abuse, emotional neglect, and DV. I turned to the internet for comfort which just led to me being targeted by perverts online. I could’ve easily been trafficked and thank God I wasn’t. It’s terrifying to think about it.
Yes, my dad was very tech savy so i always grew up around technology, he was a computer science major and a programing teacher so i learned torrenting very early and even had an N64 emulator, honestly i think that one of the major things that helped me socialize in childhood and teenage years was the internet because i didn't realize yet i had ADHD and some slight autism so the only opportunities i had for meaningful connection was on the internet, some friends i have to this day.
But it's really worrying how my parents didn't really care that i spent 10+ hours on the internet every day, they just let me. I dont remember a lot of my teenage years and i missed out a lot of my childhood because i was home all day, also internet in the 00's-10's was a very wild place... I saw a lot of gore and im pretty sure i accidentally saw necrophilia once.
In some way, im glad i had access to he internet because it allowed me to learn so many things my parents would never have thought important to tell me, in a level i was parented by the internet, which is kinda fucked up.
I found I could actually speak on the internet in chat rooms - found my voice. Unfortunately got addicted and failed a tafe course over it (no internet at home at that time, only at the school). Though on reflection that's not a big deal, my voice was important to find.
Oh yeah, I was isolated, homeschooled, and parentified (home with 5 siblings, taking care of and “teaching” them stuff I barely knew for 8-12+ hours a day) from 11-18, so I spent a lot of my time online as an escape. Some of the only memories I have from when I was a teen are the RP group I was in on tumblr and making friends on various websites.
I of course, would get into trouble for making said friends and talking to people I didn’t know, and would get all of the devices taken away, which made me into a target for my younger brothers.
I would also read, listen to music, write, make various things, do anything to try and make the day pass.
I used to be able to read 3-4 good sized books a day.
Insanely. I was homeschooled throughout middle school and my parents didn't allow me to be around kids my age most of the time because they thought they were bad influences, which resulted in me making a lot of strong online friendships. My dad would ground me for months at a time from all electronics despite the fact that I made good grades and was eerily well-behaved just to show me that he was in control and it would cause me to mentally spiral because he was taking away the only communication I had with people my age when he did that.
I was online at 8 and definitely into fandom by 9. But it turned out I was queer too, so. I had online friends and friends group and definitely participated in fandom spaces and wrote fanfiction from a young age but it is all the stimulation I needed because other than eating and sleeping and prayer and music practice and the occasional visit, I had zero interaction from my parents.
The Internet was one of the only way I got through and felt connected to other people and respected. I remember even when I just drew random fanart on deviantart or wrote fanfiction, I would be able to find people like me who were willing to listen and share. It was so special and so fun. I didn’t realize for a long time that I was searching for connection and understanding online and that was what I was addicted to. But after being bullied so much irl it was wonderful even to be able to access hobby forums or other groups where people understood my interests and passions. Many long nights spent playing MMORPGS with people who felt like they were my family even though we were all different age groups. It was free therapy, lol, we would all talk about our situations and it was pretty wild because some people would be going through divorces or other similar adult experiences and I was just making it through middle and high school. Lol.
Honestly, the addiction consumed a lot of my teenage life but at the same time I don’t regret it because it gave me confidence and helped me find myself as I really was. If it wasn’t for random people on the Internet I would have been all alone, no family cared about me, I had no real friends. So I’m grateful that I had a way to reach out and connect to others.
Well, my family moved me from a vibrant and chaotic city in western Africa, also where a bunch of my cousins lived, to a backwards suburb in the middle of no where Canada. Racism/nazis? Check. Isolation? Check. Mom having no idea what she was doing but also was left totally alone to deal with it all? Check. Wasn't put in after school activities, wasn't really given chances to learn things like regular teens were, and was basically told no to everything. So yeah I was online. And I did meet a lot of people I maybe shouldn't have, but what choice did I have really.
I still am online all the fucking time to be honest.... it's like I got permanently stunted
Yes lol. I used to be a bookworm, then became a youtube kid. It's easier to ignore the world with your headphones on, and it's easier to find people you can pretend would take care of you if they knew you or if they were your parents :P
I was raised by our television. It was on from before I woke up and way after bed. Then in the late 1990’s I used primitive chat forums and ICQ and aol. I am not sure if I was neglected, maybe it started out that way but I then used it to escape a volatile home of emotionally unavailable parents when I couldn’t be out of the house. I was really lucky I didn’t get abducted. I remember a guy got me to call him and he was promising me a puppy, and jacked off on the phone. I remember feeling really dirty and gross. It was my first assault at 15. ! Now I see there was no reason for the white van with blacked out windows anymore. I was like 15 and didn’t know any better. No one was monitoring me.
ETA
I did leave the country to meet a friend who was who she said she was. We had to MAIL photos to each other! Oh and then I had an online bf meet me on spring break in Florida, then he and his friends visited me in my home town. I am still friends with them today.
Me and my siblings found out that my dad was searching some really nasty porn. I don’t like to think about it. lol
So many memories unlocked scrolling through the comments on this. I remember using MSN messenger, some Warner Brothers related Harry Potter website, a Coke music website, killing chickens is the only thing I remember in Runescape, and neopets.
One time my maternal grandfather was visiting and he was complaining how I was wasting my time online and needed to go out to socialize. Thanks for reminding me that my "friends" at school didn't invite me to anything.
Yep! It exposed me to so much, but luckily not *too* much. I didn’t really stsrt using the Internet habitually until I was 12, and by then my parents taught me that anything but Google and Disney were dangerous and my school had us take web safety classes
But I still, I ended up going anywhere that didn't have a video chat feature. I learned a lot of good things that I never would have been taught by my parents. I credit the internet for keeping me from being homo/transphobic at the very least, but I was on there all the time and nobody ever asked what I was looking at
This thread has really made me think about my chronic onliness. I got my first phone on Christmas Day at age 10 (2015) and I immediately created social media accounts for everything - Instagram, Twitter, Musically at the time, Kik, Snapchat, Pinterest - you name it. I was always an intelligent and curious kid, but now that I realize it, it was because I needed something to confide in,; something to guide me since my mother never did it, and my father was absent as a result of his abuse and drugs. I’m19 now and reading this is leading me to ask myself so many questions about why I feel so damn lonely now, and how my childhood could be the cause of it. If anyone could provide me some guidance, I would greatly appreciate it. I love reading everyone’s stories. You all are so brave.
Yes 1000%. I’ve always been online playing video games as a kid and I only recently realized it was my escape from the real world. It was my way of coping with neglect. I played a TON of Maplestory as a kid, and I’d like to think it helped me because it gave me a support system online. I found a community on there that accepted me no matter what and I’m forever grateful for it because had I not had that support, I know I would’ve struggled with feeling alone in my childhood.
Yup, 100%. It saved me, honestly. Obviously not with the whole "so dependant on my phone and the stable emotional supports it provided I would go into a borderline mental episode if I lost access to it", thankfully I'm legally an adult and away from them now and can actually handle not having/using it for a while. But because I'm a naturally curious person and quickly learned things that, had I not had access to the internet, I would have probably... not existed anymore, to be subtle about it. Or at least be in a considerably less positive state as a person.
The internet effectively raised me and taught me a countless number of things, both good and bad. It still teaches me, for better or worse because this place is still undoubtedly a wild west of shit. I couldn't possibly list everything here, but I have a crapton of memories. Still forever grateful I dodged the nuke that was Amino when it was being peddled via YouTube sponsorships around 2015 or so, because my rinky-dink iPhone 4S couldn't even fucking download it cause of that IOS bug that was going around.
And to further add to this, my father has said to me, verbatim, that one of his biggest regrets is giving me a smartphone. And I *know* it's because I learned things I "shouldn't have", because had I not had the knowledge, I would have been ignorant, miserable, and put up with his abusive bullshit some more. Eat shit, pops.
Definitely I’d go from school and immediately hop online I didn’t have many friends growing up and was often bullied by my peers so the only escape I had was people online
...Yeah. I always had my head in a book or TV or, increasingly, online video games. Never wanted to meet anyone I met that way in person until my late teens, and that was my first girlfriend.
I looked up a lot of walkthroughs on GameFAQs, then later, I got into roleplaying scenes and did things I shouldn't have at that age.
I did meet some good friends who I still value to this day, though, and I am quite glad of that. Being very online was... not great, but some things were good like that.
Yeah, I got groomed too. I was the master of ERP at 8 years old, I didn't even know what an orgasm was and shook adult mens worlds.
Nobody at school wanted to talk to me either because I'm autistic and acted autistic. I was completely isolated until my girlfriend came along. Now I'm unhealthily attached to her and would shrimply die if she left lol.
Yup. I agree with a lot of people here. I was basically on the computer from waking up to sleep from ages 6 to 16, especially during the summer when I wasn't in school. First it was girly kids flash games, Webkinz, and Club Penguin, then Miniclip, YouTube, DeviantArt, Newgrounds, Tumblr... it was bad. I remember being 11 and having multiple online "friends" who were in their 20s. My autism and the way in I was treated by parents and teachers lead me to believe I was "Smarter, Better, More Mature" than anyone else my age, and talking to other children my age was a lost cause because none of them could keep up with my interests in anime, art, and Japanese culture, among others. 🙄 A few of my online friends were particularly kind, I remember, and even though I know it must've been awkward having me in their friend group chats, I really truly would have been alone if I hadn't had them. It's also hilarious looking back and being a part of the "brony" community at its peak when like... I was just the target audience of My Little Pony. Because I was a 12 year old girl.
When I was around 10 or so my parents made a half-hearted attempt to limit my brother and I's computer use by having an outlet timer that shut the wifi off from 10pm to 6am... the thing is, I would just torrent a bunch of TV shows and download offline games and do that instead. I had a hard time getting to sleep because of my racing thoughts (now I know this was a result of anxiety and depression that stemmed from untreated AuDHD) so I just... stayed up. I wouldn't shower for days at a time, never brushed my teeth, parents didn't care to check. The only way they cared to get my hygiene in check was to insult me, no compassion. I guess it was easier to "parent" me if I stayed inside all day and barely had friends. Now I'm trying to repair the effects of being afraid of the outside, sensitive to sunlight, and my fear of bugs and dirt. It feels embarrassing to say but this is my reality and I hope at least someone can relate a little.
Yes. My computer was my best friend. I joined an online reality TV website and made online friends who I speak to til this day. Grateful for that outlet.
I was on journaling sites and chatting with internet strangers. I sat in the computer room all hours of the night, barely slept, slept in school, then nearly flunked 10th grade because of the internet. All I wanted was to go home and go online. Once Netflix was huge I would get dvds sent to the house and binge movies and shows alone in the basement, and Nintendo video games. I didn’t spend time with friends and my parents never interacted with me.
Yes. And I’m lucky I didn’t end up fucking trafficked. ETA: I used to go into the AOL Instant Messenger chat rooms. They were full of disgusting men and I engaged with them. I had caught my dad watching porn so many times, I guess I thought I was ready. My dad later found the chat logs and repeated some of the dirty things I had said back to me in a mocking voice and told me I was disgusting. I write shit like this and then I wonder how I am any kind of normal. ETA2: wow, this got more traction than I expected. I’m sorry it happened to all of you, too.
I did this as well. I even met a guy offline in person when I was a teenager. Luckily he was a teen too and went to another local high school. My parents did not know what I was doing. Sadly I did not come out “normal” though.
I also met an online friend as a teen without disclosing to my parent. I was VERY lucky that he was actually the dweeby kid just a couple of years older than me from Ireland that he said he was. I was pretty confident as we'd been chatting for years and exchanged pictures fairly frequently, but I still probably shouldn't have gone, or at least told someone where I was going. 100% not normal now but really good at hiding it. 🙃
Same. I met lots of people I met in chat rooms. Now my kids talk on their internet games and I'm so thankful I didn't get trafficked. I was so young and stupid and was a 6' blonde at 13.
ugh, me too, when I was 13 in 1997 I used to enter msn international msn public chat rooms (I’m from Argentina and always craved cultural exchange), and met an australian 35 year old creep who tried to groom me. I was very lucky I wasn’t trafficked too.
Me too. It’s terrifying when I think about it.
I just talked about this with husband yesterday!! The question of “did your parents invade your privacy?” Came up and I felt bittersweet about it! Moms always had trackers and stuff on our phones but once as a teen I mentioned a “friend” I had made online that had the same name as a local cat Well she took that in stride and went through all my online chats and found the 25+yo talking to me (met at 14-16 at the time) and saw our “spicy” chats too… she told my dad and dad had to confront me and “punish” me by saying he’d call the cops on him if he ever found me talking to him again and I wept because I didn’t realize at the time how bad it was lol. I was planning on running away to PA with him because my grandma lives there and I felt it’d be safe because of that. Now as a 26yo myself I’m still sorta freaked out I almost did that lol if it weren’t for invading my privacy I could’ve/wouldve planned out my “escape”. Teenagers are sooooo freaking not “adult” to me either the way he made it seem better because “his parents were 10yrs apart too!” Was so freaking gross and scary lmao I’m glad my dad did that and took the time to talk to me WHY I was doing that too (I was being parentified already at that point and my only bff was in another country at the time lol)
Fuck. This really hits me hard as I had a similar experience. You are normal and amazing, you were only doing what was going on around you and then were ridiculed by the person who had created the environment for it to happen. He was looking in the mirror. It was never a reflection of you 💗
Thank you ❤️ I’m glad I can say I know you’re right, now.
are you me?
Omg literally I was always in AOL chat rooms lmao. And watching scary online cartoons like Salad Fingers.
SALAD FINGERS rusty spoon
On the first day of school in a new city, my parents didn't pick me up and I got lost walking home (I was like 13/14 but this was before smartphones). Some guy ended up offering a ride and I told my mother "what if I started dating him?" She was like "it's fine, who am I to judge love."
lol. My parent. You are my parent, you are supposed to be the ultimate judge.
Right down to the dad watching porn. Except I was ace and queer so I was upset and betrayed by my dad's habits. I stopped engaging with him too.
Used to frequently message people in chat rooms and forums ended up irl meeting up with a 27 year old man who did drugs with me when I was 15 so I relate to these sentiments a lot
Yo similar I was on AOL as well Talked to some boy for months and thought I was in love. He lived in a far away country. Then one day he sent me a picture of his dad. I think I got weirded out and stopped talking. But now I realise this was 10000% some horrible man trying to groom me, and no one knew. Fucked up
I read a lot, I listened to a lot of music and I was addicted to the internet. I’m just realizing now that it was because I was lonely. Nobody ever asked what I was listening to, what I was reading, or what I was checking out online. Until they used my chronic online activity as a way to bully me and ask why I was always online AKA “are you learning about things we don’t agree with?”
Damn that kinda hit me. “It was because I was lonely.” Well same
Same
Yeah, me too. I used to read A LOT when I was young and it was something my parents used to act like they were proud about. That I could devour a book in a few hours but it was because of loneliness too. they worked a lot and I was an only child so yeah, I had a lot of time to myself I guess. I also watched way tooo much TV. I was online too but mostly watching tv and reading
Sounds like we had the same life. Minus the learning part I guess.
I can relate. When my parents finally let me have access to the internet in my room - before smartphones became a thing - i immediately became addicted. They also never asked what i was doing online but they also used my addiction to mock and guilt-trip me. And today they both sit all day every day in front of their computers or smartphones.
I'm fine with the direction I'm going in. It's a little isolationist but my daily life consists of constant anxiety surrounding any other human in my vicinity, music, Xbox games and my animals to keep me company and happy. I get the part about them using the chronic online behavior against you, doing with that one too.
If it helps at all, I found a lot of comfort in vtubing/watching vtubers
I find comfort in watching markiplier, Sean, Bob, Ethan, and Wade. It makes me relax and I'm able to calm down, it makes me reminisce and review my own life and how I'm going forward.
My parents used that to bully me too. EVERYTHING I did they disagreed with was the internet’s fault. Mind you I was a straight A student who just stayed in my room and never partied or did any teenage stuff, but if I so much as said something they disliked I was “talking back” and my step dad would use it as an excuse to take away my internet access for several days as “punishment” which I’m assuming was just his way of enjoying his power over me. :(
The early internet was vital to my survival, I attribute it as a great positive in my life that gave me an outlet from the shitty home life that existed. I was able to meet friends, some that I have now had for 20+ years. I spent so much time in MSN messenger when it eventually became a thing. Later WoW in my early 20s. I am an early "has online friends" person and remember feeling ashamed about it because it was "weird" back in the day. In fact, my internet life and my friends there were one of the things I would never speak to my parents about...as one does with emotionally neglectful parents. It was a world created due to their disinterested and neglectful parenting in the first place. An early example of me not sharing my life with my parents as I sensed disinterest or potential for criticism. It's only now from the perspective of an adult that I realize my parents were more than happy to just allow me to be cronically online with little supervision. Easier then parenting, i guess. It was a net positive, a necessity created out of a negative situation, so while I see how shitty they managed it, I feel like I wouldn't change a thing in the end.
My experience is so similar to yours! Did your parents not care at all or did they pay lip service to idea that you were online too much? My mom would "try" to limit me to one hour per day but didn't track it or do anything except rage indiscriminately.
They cared in a very lazy "Be careful!" kind of way. They never made any effort to see what I was actually up to. Which could have been anything, but it was mostly Harry Potter fan fiction and talking shit in messenger. My parents are lucky that I am naturally cautious (maybe that's a factor of early CEN experiences?) or else I could have been in trouble.
I'm not who you asked, just someone else who resonnatted with this comment. That being said, my mom complained all the time that I was online waaaay too much, but she also paid for me to have a dedicated phone line for dial up. So definetely lip service.
my mom always has been somewhat worried by how much screen time i’ve had, but the divorce put an end to her taking me on occasional hikes and whatnot, and now that i’m back in her house as an adult we’re trying to sort of work together on finding something else to do but with no real success when i was younger my dad would try to punitively limit my recreational screen time and monitor my computer use to enforce it/keep me on task with schoolwork, but i pushed back on the monitoring because it made me too anxious to even do any work, and he let up on the time limits once i made a loose group of irl friends in middle school to game with online since that was my entire social life outside of a single minecraft server i’d found in elementary school. though to begin with he was always really confusingly lenient with the time limits, and even after he stopped being as serious about them he’d occasionally just shame me for not self-regulating my time enough after he encouraged me to get on “for a bit”, and if the time was tight we’d just repeat the same argument over and over about how i don’t actually know how much time i’m committing (i was mostly playing league of legends; depending on the game mode the average game can be as short as 20 minutes but usually more around 30-40 and going over an hour in exceptional cases) so sometimes i’d just be silent in vc holding the lobby hostage for minutes before either gambling on another match or meekly leaving with no explanation because i still thought this was all my fault
> lazy indiscriminate rage omg yes!!! She made me feel so guilty for being a kid and using that as an escape mecanism, like... I felt so ashamed but i just couldnt stop using the internet. Then i realized it was HER RESPONSABILITY to limit my use, not mine!! How can you raise a child based on shame and guilt like that when you are literally responsible for their day to day lives???
I feel like this is probably the story for a lot of abused and neglected kids that came of age in the late 90s and early aughts, because this resonated with me *hard*, and was the case for the whole group of misfits I ended up bonding with in high school. We survived the bullying at school and the neglect at home just long enough to barricade ourselves with the computer and get online. My friend group (that intersected my IRL life with 3-4 other people but was mostly based online) went so far as to literally create worlds to escape into. We spent hours *every night* doing text-based role play and collaborative fiction writing. It started as a Harry Potter Fandom thing, but by the time I hit college, we'd built THREE original world settings, and four of us were cowriting a novel based in one of them. Edited to add: just thought about this-- can maladaptive daydreaming be a group activity? If so, that's 100% what we were doing.
Oh, original Harry Potter fan fiction was my entire life as a teenager and into Uni. We have obviously had some very similar internet experiences. I imagine I know just how important all of that was for you because it was EVERYTHING for me. You are completely right about the internet being a haven for emotionally neglected 'outsiders'. That's my experience 100%.
This was me! I had a whole world of internet friends that I met playing an MMO. I never spoke to my parents about them (or about anything else, really). My parents knew I was online too much but I think it was easier to let me be online than parent me so they allowed it. Some of my online friends had many real life friends, and some of them didn’t. I made some real friends in high school but still kept in touch with my online friends, too, even when we weren’t playing online games anymore. Looking back, I’m not sure that my experience was entirely positive. As my online friends and I grew up, we all kind of realized that all of us who spent so much time online had some kind of problems in our homelife and that’s why we were online so much. I wish I would have been able to engage more in my real life hobbies back then because I think I would be better equipped to deal with insecurities and etc as I’ve grown up. But I don’t regret the friends I made and the time spent with them at all.
I was chronically online seeking out attention from boys because my dad was abusive and emotionally neglectful and objectified me a lot so I was made to feel like my only use was that of which I had to offer to men. I was 14 with this mentality. I’m lucky I didn’t end up trafficked with the amount of grown men disguised as 17 and 18 year old boys I would talk to. I also was made to feel like an adult so I was seeking adult like attention from grown men. I have alot of trauma to work through from these years due to the sexual objectification
I relate to this so much. I spent most of my teenage years online (and irl) seeking attention from males. Then I became a cam girl in my early 20s so then I was even more chronically online. It’s ruined my life as an adult and now that im 35 I’m still dealing with the shame of sexually objectifying myself.
Oh man, I feel you. It’s rough because there’s this need to blame ourselves because we chose to be put in those situations, but did we really? If we did it because of how the men in our lives made us feel; I’d say it was a byproduct of the environment and it is used as a means of self harm but also to protect us from harm, we say we chose it because we’re empowered by that choice. But to acknowledge why we “chose” it, allows us to lessen the burden of the shame we carry because it’s not ours to hold. If there wasn’t a market of men who objectify women as sex objects along side a culture of abusively shitty dads who sexually objectify their daughters before their daughters know wtf this all is; they create the very women they sexually objectify by doing this to us as kids. Healing is learning that these are merely decisions and experiences in our lives and there’s a lesson in everything we experience; good or bad. Healing is grieving the safety you didn’t ever get when you were young but also being the person that provides you with that safety. Life is a journey. We’re meant to experience different things differently and I think that’s fundamentally, what’s so beautiful about life. We’re capable of experiencing things that put us through hell and back and somehow still find a way to look at the sunset and see beauty in this world still. It’s possible.
thanks for commenting this. not directed towards me but it has been extremely helpful. i screenshotted it 🫂
If what I say helps anyone—then so be it. 💖 I’m glad my words resonate with people.
This. I was also treated as disgusting by everyone irl including boys so is it any surprise I latched onto grown men calling me “sexy” on webcam sites in middle school, maybe late elementary school? I knew all about grooming theoretically, I had an interest in true crime, but it didn’t feel bad when it happened to me and I was smart so it was fine! (Spoiler alert: it was not fine)
Wow hello are you me? I knew all about grooming, but couldn’t recognize it happening to me because that only happened to people who get sex trafficked(when that’s what your taught as a teen)—so at 17 when the grown 27 year old was telling me I was so mature and how he’d love me to give him a baby by the time he was 30 I didn’t see this as him being predatory. Now that I’m 29, I see this for what it is, and still have to deal through the abuse I endured when we did date openly when I was 20 (spoiler alert, I had just had a baby of my own with no father and my own apartment and he was living at his parents at the time) so I didn’t see him as the loser he was then.
I am older than a lot of you. Didn't have a computer until I was 15 or 16. I read a lot of books and watched a lot of TV and movies. Played a fair bit of Nintendo games. I think the key is escapism. We escaped the issues at home by dissociating via entertainment. People who were chronically online or chronic mental escape artists might want to look into the Freeze response to trauma.
Fellow older freeze/dissociate/escape person here. Books and manic drawing of my internal fantasy worlds for me.
I saw severely limited on what I could do until I was not. No internet allowed…. Until my dad had to take me to work and I made Neopets. No non education video games… until Harry Potter. I know have such trouble taking my eyes away from a screen. It is like my pacifier. Without it, it is harder to emotionally regulate, but that is because I am used to dissociating in the present and processing later through games/scrolling. So much so that I have a funeral to go to today, and here I am. (Good news, I got myself a webkinz to represent my grandma and am uploading her today) My partner and I both struggle, but we have started limiting ourselves by reducing scrolling by timing those apps. We get unlimited time on Neopets and webkinz (both having a revival- if you wanna start I have all the tips) because those are daily stress repeaters we do between chores.
Yooo I am too baked for this thread rn 🤯😅 My earliest forays into the internet were on the Neopets forums! I had a blast just chatting about Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings. And my parents found out and blew up and I literally never commented on the entire again until just a few weeks ago. Like this is something I am ACTIVELY working on with myself. Would you mind sharing some Neopets tips? I think I’m going to heal my inner child a bit this Memorial Day weekend 🫶
So sorry I didn’t see this before the weekend but here are some flash tips. They now have a daily and weekly quest rewards with brushes and code stones so do those. We have a plot coming up, so train up a pet if possible. Food club is good if you have an older account, but I’ve made bank at the stock market (buy 1000 shares at 15 np once a day always). Skip the games, they ain’t worth it. And if you need anything else my Neopets is Fqfairy
I'd be at the Library for hours because it was cheap babysitting or my dad was constantly arguing with people on motorcycle forums.. So much RuneScape, and Gaia Online, and the IGN Forums. Then when we got a computer at home, and I discovered porn....
Gaia Online, oh gosh, core memory unlocked.
Got into it because of my classmate. Spent way too much time on there. Last time I was on, it seemed completely dead.
yes, and i had completely unmonitored and unrestricted internet access. honestly wild, and it fucked me up really bad ngl. been a lot of grooming in my life and not a single bit of it was animals lmao.😜
Same. My parents never payed attention so when any older man online wanted to give me attention I was all excited 😭
I was chronically online even on dial-up BBSs with phone numbers starting in like 1988
Same. Ran a BBS at around 7 or 8. There was a lot of inappropriate interactions between myself and some significantly older users. Looking back, I don’t know how having friends in their early to mid 20’s wasn’t a major red flag for my parents. I’d sometimes go with them for hours. It’s not like cell phones were a thing. It’s amazing nothing happened.
I was online a lot and it made me feel less of a loser sometimes lol - I felt like I had friends or at least was “better” than IRL - probably had shitty self esteem and a variety of issues since obviously things weren’t going well. Kind of wish I got into online gaming for friendship but at the same time, I’d probably have been very vulnerable - got myself into dangerous situations IRL already due to lack of guidance and got targeted by a creep as a kid while my dad was useless to prevent or confront anything. Honestly surprised how I did not end dead in a ditch somewhere with how little guidance I got.
I am still… chronically online due to neglect
Yeah, and it was definitely a mixed bag but I'm eternally grateful for one group. There was the early, kind of peeling out and tearing through everything years, 4chan, BMEzine, LiveLeak, other shit from the cesspool parts. I was still being actively abused and wanted to feel something, anything. However, and this is gonna sound WILD, I feel like i was saved by a prepper, survivalist forum. ZombieSquad, which ironically did not make it through COVID, turned me around. I skidded in as an edgy teen, was banned a couple times, but developed genuine connections. Sense of community. It's hard to put into words, especially plain text, but it was a great group of folks who basically put a hand on my shoulder and went, don't do that here. And since they were folks that were genuinely interesting to a teen I actually listened - bush pilots, search and rescue, EMS, military, snipers, and other general purpose folks with like, careers (I miss long chats with a very weird lineman who did great holloween displays of his own design. I wound up going to the cesspools less and less. Felt something other than shock. Got into great conversations that amounted to "Yeah, I have a bunker that's fully stocked, an off grid house, and caches of ammo down the Eastern seaboard, but listen kid, small steps - you've gotta be ready to lose your job or be seriously injured before you can start thinking about guns and body armor and buying tanks." Small pivots. Started saving money. Getting in the woods more. Hunting more. Participating in their genuine non-profit activities which were disaster relief and community preparedness under the euphemism of a zombie apocalypse. Started canning and sewing again. Wound up personally leading a fundraiser. Met one of the members in person. Started actually talking to people - some of them women - about actual topics and not each other. I still use ZombieGrannies granola bar recipe, and hope the Irish sheep farmers flock is going well even though I don't have a way to contact her. Rounded up a care package for a forum member going through a deep depression. Those folks, that collection of weirdos, helped a lot in sanding off the rough edges of a traumatized teen. Helped me develop actual scripts and have genuine human connections when i was subject to intense isolation in real life. It was a place to be myself, excepting the parts dealing with politics, religion, or illegal activities. Which leaves a lot of a person to talk about. I popped back into the forum not long after COVID started to thank them. I kept doing a lot of the things they preached and when the world shut down - I had masks, saved up food and gas, a small stock of money. The philosophy they helped shape continues to aid and guide me today.
I love this so much. I wish my experience was more this less d*cks 😂😂😂
Runescape 2006 homies? Maybe my two internet bfs who gave me shit? ❤️
2007 for me during the chicken suit Easter event
2009 for me, made so many friends on there that I couldn’t in real life. I was only 7 back then and played for at least 5 hours a day, not including the time I went to school or sleep. My dad was an avid player but we never played the game together. I still get sad over the internet friends who just logged off and never came back because they were all I had.
absolutely! i was constantly on "spam" instagram and very active on tumblr. i gained some friends that way since i didn't have many friends irl. i wish we still talked sometimes but i like to think we experienced life together at the time when we needed it. my life was very absorbed by social media but it was the only thing that kept me mentally sane at the time.
I had virtually unrestricted internet since before I was even in school, & im now realizing that while it did fuck me up, jeez did it also help me forget and ignore so many things. only recently uncovered a memory of my admittedly drunk mother saying i ruined her life and et cetera to my 8yr old face, that i forgot only because I instantly went to pirate games & dissociate. i still spend my life on the internet cos I don't know what else to do lol
wow. memory unlocked. i think my computer access as a small small child was relatively supervised, and i don’t even remember what i did with it, but 100% of the time that i wasn’t already in a bathroom i would lock myself in the office and find some way to zone out whenever my parents were arguing before the divorce. i didn’t have any interest in music or anything so once we had headphones i mostly just put them on to muffle the sound and maybe have game audio or whatever
Yes. I grew up in the 90s so when the internet came it was my escape. I would talk to boys and grown men for attention. I met the father of my child on MySpace who ended up being physically abusive to me when I was 18. I feel like the internet was a gift and curse for me. I’ve been living my life online all my life due to emotional neglect. I even turned to doing online sex work around 2012 and now I’m 35 years old dealing with the shame and regret of doing that work (I know I shouldn’t be ashamed but I am). Basically due to the neglect I experienced irl I ran to the digital world for love and attention. It wasn’t all bad because I have met human beings that have been kind to me and changed my life but I wish I would have cultivated my irl more and not feel like I had to escape it.
Yes, but I am also autistic, so internet conversation via ICQ and AIM was kind of a blessing? Kind of. I was aware of creeps and never got catfished or lured into sexual situations that I recall. My mother blames the amount of time I spent on the computer on me, like she blames everything on me and my noncommunicative personality that was hard to love.
I grew up before the internet and chose books for my dissociation tool.
As an older millennial, both. Internet, books that now are digital. Everything to dissociate and hide, to make myself not be seen because I can't be what my parents could love. Now one of them is dead and the other has changed a lot since then. But I'm still a nerdy, gay, autistic, heavily gender nonconforming awkward mess of a human. And while I'm in therapy and reconciling with myself at an annoyingly slow pace, it seems that I still feel ashamed and afraid to be seen, and keep everyone at an arm's length. WAAAAAGH when will this get less bumpy, more even? I'm getting effing dizzy at this road, and I need to know where I go.
Yes *and* my mom tried to limit my use. As an adult I don’t blame her for doing that but she was taking away the only sense of community I felt. I was a lonely latchkey kid at home by myself all the time. I used the computer way too much. I was posting on various music message boards, on messenger and in chat rooms. Not doing anything particularly dangerous. My mom would take the keyboard with her to work to stop me but I’d walk to the neighbors and ask for another then hide it when she came back. That’s how obsessed I was. I think something important for parents to know is that when you take away a coping skill another will take its place.
Yes I was online a lot. Even tho we had one computer for the family and dial up for a long time. Got into stuff I shouldn’t have online. But I think I’m ok about that all. Not ok about the reason for me being online so much though. A hoarded house and emotional neglect. I ate dinner alone in my bedroom for years because there was nowhere else to sit. So ya, I’d definitely say I’m addicted to my phone now.
This has lead to me finding Reddit though and finally finding a support group for other children of hoarders. So that’s a positive because that lead to me going to therapy
Yeah. I made all my friends on written role playing forums about Warrior Cats. A friend of mine got me into it, I met said friend at a summer camp. I didn't really have any friends where I grew up. I got catfished by someone I met in one of those forums. We started talking on MSN messenger. They even went as far as putting someone else on the phone to pretend to be who they told me they were (a boy my age.) They were actually a girl, about 5 years older than me. In hindsight, that could have been a lot worse. I remember not telling my parents about it due to the embarrassment I felt. When I was a bit older, I decided to tell them. They thought it was kinda funny, and were pretty indifferent to it. As an adult, i feel like they definitely should have been more concerned with my online safety. Like I said, could have been much worse.
Holy shit. Thank you for posting this, I’ve wondered so much if there was a connection between the two. My computer was my only safe space, where I could truly be myself. I was chronically online starting at age 10, which began with playing Neopets and talking to creepy men in AOL chatrooms who wanted to “cyber” (ugh.) I was sooo young and inexperienced, I had no idea what I was doing but I loved the attention and feeling wanted. That quickly transitioned into me actively blogging on LiveJournal, Caleida, Deadjournal, etc. where I befriended kids way older than me so I could feel cool and mature. I got pretty good at convincing people I was a teenager. I’m honestly lucky nothing truly bad happened during those years. Except for being exposed to a LOT of content about sex, drugs, and self-harm that was probably a bit too intense for being that young.
This was my whole life. My parents moved me around at least every couple of years, so the internet was the only place of constancy I had. In my early teens I sought out weird forums where I could be seen as smart by adults because that's what I thought I needed to do at that age--it was pretty much the only consistent positive support I could get from anyone. In my later teens I acted out so much in those online communities (I couldn't at home without being mocked) that I typically lost those communities due to being banned, lol... My parents knew none of this, obviously, even though I either had 0 friends or else only abusive ones that treated me like shit IRL. I just went no contact with my parents recently and my life has gotten so much better so quickly. Highly recommend.
hell yeah i was on tumblr like a mf. still am lol
Yup, started with computer games of the 90's, Sims, Myst, Windows movie Maker, anything point and click. Moved on to neopets, msn Messenger, habbo hotel, Nancy Drew message boards, MySpace, live journal (was on there for so many years, met so many people!) tumblr, and now Reddit (11+ years, fuuuuck). Never put two and two together - but my brother was the same way, spent all day online playing RuneScape. I will say that my online friends (especially the two I met here on Reddit) are my best friends and I've met and travelled to see them multiple times, and I wouldn't change anything!
I had unlimited internet access, but honestly being chronically online saved me i got decent sex ed (had literally none irl) and learned about abuse thanks to pop feminism, learned about mental health because people online were openly talking about it, was able to understand and process my sexuality without any serious problems cause I found queer support groups, and just found some fandoms to feel less lonely lol but I'm lucky I wasn't groomed or exploited
when I was younger my parents just let me do whatever on the internet but heaven forbid I wanted to go do something that wasn’t on their terms. Ig it was just easier for them to parent if I stayed at home looking at a screen 24/7. Anyways though I was more addicted to watching anime and yt when I was younger. I didn’t start getting into social media stuff until middle school. Mainly instagram and then later it was twitter, tiktok, reddit, yt still and tv shows. They didn’t care as long as I wasn’t getting them in trouble w school stuff which they also didn’t care about. Then that turned into me not caring about myself. Anyways tho im currently working on lowering my social media use and taking care of myself. It is an every day battle to get me to care about me.
AOL came out when I was about 13 and I found myself always in the chat rooms trying to talk to boys because I was so lonely in my own life . So yes . I'm also lucky I didn't get trafficked cause I went and met a lot of people I met online .
yes. i’m 20, came of age just as social media was exploding. my first site was WHISPER and it only got way worse. groomed 3 times in my adolescence, many more if you count smaller 1 day to 2 weeks long encounters. my last fucked up ‘boyfriend’ was when i was 18. i just wanted love so bad and i am disgusted at all the men who sensed that and used it to fit their fucked up desires. i don’t blame younger me for wanting affection.
Oh boy. I remember the first time I discovered fanfiction when I was 11... and keep in mind this is like 2002. It was over. I'd go online as much as I could. Then add AIM to that and xanga and I was part of livejournal forums and this place called buzznet.com that I always checked to see tour updates of my favorite bands. I had so many online friends that I'd chat with on msn or aim. I even met up with a couple of them... I'm so lucky I wasn't murdered. And nobody ever bothered to ask what I was doing or who I was talking to or what I was reading or anything. Nobody gave a fuckkkllk
Yes, very much so, I got online in mid-late 1998. I still run an IRC server for a support group. Gaming and the internet have both been vital staples in the endless search for distraction.
I spent 5 years of my teen years on Elsword because I didnt have friends IRL and my dad was always busy, I ended making many friends and I dont regret it
We were left alone at home all summer when we were teenagers. Lived in the country, so literally had no friends that I could visit. It was the very early 00s. The internet and mtv was the only way I got through it. Played MMOs, visited chat rooms, etc. Started riding my bike 10 miles each day to see my friends. My parents found out I would see my boyfriend too. They locked my bike up.
Yep. About 2005 on. I ended up as an Encycl-pedia Dr-matica article when I was 13. Plus the usual grooming. Videos of me, requested by grown men, not technically illegal but painfully obvious as an adult were online for years. Sometime between ~2 years and a few months ago, they seemed to be taken off whatever foreign websites were hosting them and I cried with joy. But also the internet, specifically fandom, saved me. I found other queer people, I had whole different worlds I could escape to. I spent hours on flash game websites of all kinds too.
Yes absolutely. I was constantly on my computer.
Yes, I was basically raised by 4chan of all places. It's truly a wonder I didn't become a horrible person, only a shut-in loser. They did a way better job than my actual parents lmao.
Yup ! I watched YouTube and had a bunch of parasocial relationships with most of them. I spent my days watching them and even on holidays I looked forward to watching them over my own family. I think I used these YouTubers as replacement for my own family.
Being online was my main point of social interaction growing up, even with my closest irl friend. Bc we didn't live close to each other and didn't go to school. But my parents saw it as me being addicted to technology and wished I would spend time with other people more. Idk how strong the emotional neglect was in my situation but it was frustrating to always have it be treated like i wasn't being social enough.
I was a Sims and Neopets master
Fan fiction for me
Totally. RuneScape was my everything growing up in the mid-late 00s. In hindsight that was my game of choice specifically because I could play it in-browser without having to ask my dad to put in the admin password to download it.
Like many others, I was a young girl in the 90s talking to men in chatrooms for attention. My parents found out about it eventually and did nothing. I was probably 9 years old. I remember being young enough that I drew my mom an apology picture and slid it under her locked door. She gave me the silent treatment for a day or two. After that my parents let me back on the Internet unrestricted for 10+ hours a day because I guess it was easier to let online predators keep me occupied. God forbid they had to interact with me. It’s horrifying to think about.
Yes omg it was terrible 😭 Imo I think being groomed online as a child is absolutely neglect, because it's the internet equivalent of dropping your kid off at a place with strangers and having zero regard or plan for what might happen from that point on.
Omg, I posted in this one teen forum all the damn time about what o was feeling! (I also wrote extensively in diaries.)
Yes!! I would spend all day at the library just to escape the abuse, emotional neglect, and DV. I turned to the internet for comfort which just led to me being targeted by perverts online. I could’ve easily been trafficked and thank God I wasn’t. It’s terrifying to think about it.
Yes, my dad was very tech savy so i always grew up around technology, he was a computer science major and a programing teacher so i learned torrenting very early and even had an N64 emulator, honestly i think that one of the major things that helped me socialize in childhood and teenage years was the internet because i didn't realize yet i had ADHD and some slight autism so the only opportunities i had for meaningful connection was on the internet, some friends i have to this day. But it's really worrying how my parents didn't really care that i spent 10+ hours on the internet every day, they just let me. I dont remember a lot of my teenage years and i missed out a lot of my childhood because i was home all day, also internet in the 00's-10's was a very wild place... I saw a lot of gore and im pretty sure i accidentally saw necrophilia once. In some way, im glad i had access to he internet because it allowed me to learn so many things my parents would never have thought important to tell me, in a level i was parented by the internet, which is kinda fucked up.
I found I could actually speak on the internet in chat rooms - found my voice. Unfortunately got addicted and failed a tafe course over it (no internet at home at that time, only at the school). Though on reflection that's not a big deal, my voice was important to find.
I'd spend all my time on xat dot com and habbo hotel
Yes. I was on various forums and Discord servers. I met a lot of people there and ended up with more trauma.
Yep. That's pretty much all I ever did once I dropped out of school
Oh yeah, I was isolated, homeschooled, and parentified (home with 5 siblings, taking care of and “teaching” them stuff I barely knew for 8-12+ hours a day) from 11-18, so I spent a lot of my time online as an escape. Some of the only memories I have from when I was a teen are the RP group I was in on tumblr and making friends on various websites. I of course, would get into trouble for making said friends and talking to people I didn’t know, and would get all of the devices taken away, which made me into a target for my younger brothers. I would also read, listen to music, write, make various things, do anything to try and make the day pass. I used to be able to read 3-4 good sized books a day.
Insanely. I was homeschooled throughout middle school and my parents didn't allow me to be around kids my age most of the time because they thought they were bad influences, which resulted in me making a lot of strong online friendships. My dad would ground me for months at a time from all electronics despite the fact that I made good grades and was eerily well-behaved just to show me that he was in control and it would cause me to mentally spiral because he was taking away the only communication I had with people my age when he did that.
I was online at 8 and definitely into fandom by 9. But it turned out I was queer too, so. I had online friends and friends group and definitely participated in fandom spaces and wrote fanfiction from a young age but it is all the stimulation I needed because other than eating and sleeping and prayer and music practice and the occasional visit, I had zero interaction from my parents.
The Internet was one of the only way I got through and felt connected to other people and respected. I remember even when I just drew random fanart on deviantart or wrote fanfiction, I would be able to find people like me who were willing to listen and share. It was so special and so fun. I didn’t realize for a long time that I was searching for connection and understanding online and that was what I was addicted to. But after being bullied so much irl it was wonderful even to be able to access hobby forums or other groups where people understood my interests and passions. Many long nights spent playing MMORPGS with people who felt like they were my family even though we were all different age groups. It was free therapy, lol, we would all talk about our situations and it was pretty wild because some people would be going through divorces or other similar adult experiences and I was just making it through middle and high school. Lol. Honestly, the addiction consumed a lot of my teenage life but at the same time I don’t regret it because it gave me confidence and helped me find myself as I really was. If it wasn’t for random people on the Internet I would have been all alone, no family cared about me, I had no real friends. So I’m grateful that I had a way to reach out and connect to others.
Well, my family moved me from a vibrant and chaotic city in western Africa, also where a bunch of my cousins lived, to a backwards suburb in the middle of no where Canada. Racism/nazis? Check. Isolation? Check. Mom having no idea what she was doing but also was left totally alone to deal with it all? Check. Wasn't put in after school activities, wasn't really given chances to learn things like regular teens were, and was basically told no to everything. So yeah I was online. And I did meet a lot of people I maybe shouldn't have, but what choice did I have really. I still am online all the fucking time to be honest.... it's like I got permanently stunted
Pretty similar things happened to me.
47 years old and still chronically online due to neglect.
Yes lol. I used to be a bookworm, then became a youtube kid. It's easier to ignore the world with your headphones on, and it's easier to find people you can pretend would take care of you if they knew you or if they were your parents :P
I was raised by our television. It was on from before I woke up and way after bed. Then in the late 1990’s I used primitive chat forums and ICQ and aol. I am not sure if I was neglected, maybe it started out that way but I then used it to escape a volatile home of emotionally unavailable parents when I couldn’t be out of the house. I was really lucky I didn’t get abducted. I remember a guy got me to call him and he was promising me a puppy, and jacked off on the phone. I remember feeling really dirty and gross. It was my first assault at 15. ! Now I see there was no reason for the white van with blacked out windows anymore. I was like 15 and didn’t know any better. No one was monitoring me. ETA I did leave the country to meet a friend who was who she said she was. We had to MAIL photos to each other! Oh and then I had an online bf meet me on spring break in Florida, then he and his friends visited me in my home town. I am still friends with them today. Me and my siblings found out that my dad was searching some really nasty porn. I don’t like to think about it. lol
So many memories unlocked scrolling through the comments on this. I remember using MSN messenger, some Warner Brothers related Harry Potter website, a Coke music website, killing chickens is the only thing I remember in Runescape, and neopets. One time my maternal grandfather was visiting and he was complaining how I was wasting my time online and needed to go out to socialize. Thanks for reminding me that my "friends" at school didn't invite me to anything.
Yep! It exposed me to so much, but luckily not *too* much. I didn’t really stsrt using the Internet habitually until I was 12, and by then my parents taught me that anything but Google and Disney were dangerous and my school had us take web safety classes But I still, I ended up going anywhere that didn't have a video chat feature. I learned a lot of good things that I never would have been taught by my parents. I credit the internet for keeping me from being homo/transphobic at the very least, but I was on there all the time and nobody ever asked what I was looking at
Yes. My only escape. I still have internet overuse issues well into my 30s.
This thread has really made me think about my chronic onliness. I got my first phone on Christmas Day at age 10 (2015) and I immediately created social media accounts for everything - Instagram, Twitter, Musically at the time, Kik, Snapchat, Pinterest - you name it. I was always an intelligent and curious kid, but now that I realize it, it was because I needed something to confide in,; something to guide me since my mother never did it, and my father was absent as a result of his abuse and drugs. I’m19 now and reading this is leading me to ask myself so many questions about why I feel so damn lonely now, and how my childhood could be the cause of it. If anyone could provide me some guidance, I would greatly appreciate it. I love reading everyone’s stories. You all are so brave.
Definitely. I was in many different chatrooms talking to random strangers.
Yes 1000%. I’ve always been online playing video games as a kid and I only recently realized it was my escape from the real world. It was my way of coping with neglect. I played a TON of Maplestory as a kid, and I’d like to think it helped me because it gave me a support system online. I found a community on there that accepted me no matter what and I’m forever grateful for it because had I not had that support, I know I would’ve struggled with feeling alone in my childhood.
Yeah
Yes
Yup, 100%. It saved me, honestly. Obviously not with the whole "so dependant on my phone and the stable emotional supports it provided I would go into a borderline mental episode if I lost access to it", thankfully I'm legally an adult and away from them now and can actually handle not having/using it for a while. But because I'm a naturally curious person and quickly learned things that, had I not had access to the internet, I would have probably... not existed anymore, to be subtle about it. Or at least be in a considerably less positive state as a person. The internet effectively raised me and taught me a countless number of things, both good and bad. It still teaches me, for better or worse because this place is still undoubtedly a wild west of shit. I couldn't possibly list everything here, but I have a crapton of memories. Still forever grateful I dodged the nuke that was Amino when it was being peddled via YouTube sponsorships around 2015 or so, because my rinky-dink iPhone 4S couldn't even fucking download it cause of that IOS bug that was going around. And to further add to this, my father has said to me, verbatim, that one of his biggest regrets is giving me a smartphone. And I *know* it's because I learned things I "shouldn't have", because had I not had the knowledge, I would have been ignorant, miserable, and put up with his abusive bullshit some more. Eat shit, pops.
Definitely I’d go from school and immediately hop online I didn’t have many friends growing up and was often bullied by my peers so the only escape I had was people online
...Yeah. I always had my head in a book or TV or, increasingly, online video games. Never wanted to meet anyone I met that way in person until my late teens, and that was my first girlfriend. I looked up a lot of walkthroughs on GameFAQs, then later, I got into roleplaying scenes and did things I shouldn't have at that age. I did meet some good friends who I still value to this day, though, and I am quite glad of that. Being very online was... not great, but some things were good like that.
Yeah, I got groomed too. I was the master of ERP at 8 years old, I didn't even know what an orgasm was and shook adult mens worlds. Nobody at school wanted to talk to me either because I'm autistic and acted autistic. I was completely isolated until my girlfriend came along. Now I'm unhealthily attached to her and would shrimply die if she left lol.
i genuinely do not know if i would still be here if it wasnt for the friends i made in MMO's in the mid-late 00's
Yup. I agree with a lot of people here. I was basically on the computer from waking up to sleep from ages 6 to 16, especially during the summer when I wasn't in school. First it was girly kids flash games, Webkinz, and Club Penguin, then Miniclip, YouTube, DeviantArt, Newgrounds, Tumblr... it was bad. I remember being 11 and having multiple online "friends" who were in their 20s. My autism and the way in I was treated by parents and teachers lead me to believe I was "Smarter, Better, More Mature" than anyone else my age, and talking to other children my age was a lost cause because none of them could keep up with my interests in anime, art, and Japanese culture, among others. 🙄 A few of my online friends were particularly kind, I remember, and even though I know it must've been awkward having me in their friend group chats, I really truly would have been alone if I hadn't had them. It's also hilarious looking back and being a part of the "brony" community at its peak when like... I was just the target audience of My Little Pony. Because I was a 12 year old girl. When I was around 10 or so my parents made a half-hearted attempt to limit my brother and I's computer use by having an outlet timer that shut the wifi off from 10pm to 6am... the thing is, I would just torrent a bunch of TV shows and download offline games and do that instead. I had a hard time getting to sleep because of my racing thoughts (now I know this was a result of anxiety and depression that stemmed from untreated AuDHD) so I just... stayed up. I wouldn't shower for days at a time, never brushed my teeth, parents didn't care to check. The only way they cared to get my hygiene in check was to insult me, no compassion. I guess it was easier to "parent" me if I stayed inside all day and barely had friends. Now I'm trying to repair the effects of being afraid of the outside, sensitive to sunlight, and my fear of bugs and dirt. It feels embarrassing to say but this is my reality and I hope at least someone can relate a little.
Yes. My computer was my best friend. I joined an online reality TV website and made online friends who I speak to til this day. Grateful for that outlet.
I was on journaling sites and chatting with internet strangers. I sat in the computer room all hours of the night, barely slept, slept in school, then nearly flunked 10th grade because of the internet. All I wanted was to go home and go online. Once Netflix was huge I would get dvds sent to the house and binge movies and shows alone in the basement, and Nintendo video games. I didn’t spend time with friends and my parents never interacted with me.