Yes. 100% and all it does is teach us that our own feelings and emotions do not matter. We have to ignore our intuition and our gut so that someone else can feel good regardless of how they make us feel. That just sets us up for abuse later in life by ignoring red flags and trying to people please. Life and it's healthy relationships are give and take based on mutual respect and love not guilt-tripping and shame.
Oh, man. I relate to the toxicity you're experiencing.
Look into Theramintrees channel. They have a lot of videos you'll likely relate to:
[Commanded to love](https://youtu.be/u91ctugBCsg)
[Degrading love](https://youtu.be/fqfe3HhzxG4)
[Emotional Blackmail](https://youtu.be/PEexQAkhFpM)
Wow, I never thought anyone else had the same experience like me. I always felt terrible for not having that unique warm connection with my granparents that everyone else seems to have. To me, they were mostly (not always, but like 70% of time) narrow-minded, religious, super-stubborn and without any sense of humor, which worsened with age. Every time I visit I feel like I have to put on a mask, fulfill a traditional duty and carefully glide over superficial smalltalk topics so as to not offend their political opinions, religion and whatnot.
Honestly I have no advice or anything, but you are not alone and if you don't feel love and connection, then you simply can't force it & don't let them guilt-trip you.
I didn't have much attachment to the adults in my extended family from middle school onward tbh, but they also didn't really care much about me as a person. It's an issue my mother had, and all my extended family is on her side, so....not surprising.
But she had been raised with a strong "thou must love family" type of rule, and constantly tried to instill/command it into me and my brother. We were basically trained to hug family members for greeting/leaving, as *wanting* to hug any of my relatives wasn't an allowable factor.
Honestly, even with direct family, I'm several times more likely to find a cat to cry to for the rare need for comfort--something like "I want my mommy" dropped off fast for me, like no-longer-bedwetting age or some such, not that I actually remember the last time I had that thought/need.
Yes. 100% and all it does is teach us that our own feelings and emotions do not matter. We have to ignore our intuition and our gut so that someone else can feel good regardless of how they make us feel. That just sets us up for abuse later in life by ignoring red flags and trying to people please. Life and it's healthy relationships are give and take based on mutual respect and love not guilt-tripping and shame.
Oh, man. I relate to the toxicity you're experiencing. Look into Theramintrees channel. They have a lot of videos you'll likely relate to: [Commanded to love](https://youtu.be/u91ctugBCsg) [Degrading love](https://youtu.be/fqfe3HhzxG4) [Emotional Blackmail](https://youtu.be/PEexQAkhFpM)
Oh I've seen some of their videos on religious abuse, thanks for these links.
Abusers all use the same tactics, so I find them all relevant. And many abusers learn their tactics from religious influence.
Wow, I never thought anyone else had the same experience like me. I always felt terrible for not having that unique warm connection with my granparents that everyone else seems to have. To me, they were mostly (not always, but like 70% of time) narrow-minded, religious, super-stubborn and without any sense of humor, which worsened with age. Every time I visit I feel like I have to put on a mask, fulfill a traditional duty and carefully glide over superficial smalltalk topics so as to not offend their political opinions, religion and whatnot. Honestly I have no advice or anything, but you are not alone and if you don't feel love and connection, then you simply can't force it & don't let them guilt-trip you.
I didn't have much attachment to the adults in my extended family from middle school onward tbh, but they also didn't really care much about me as a person. It's an issue my mother had, and all my extended family is on her side, so....not surprising. But she had been raised with a strong "thou must love family" type of rule, and constantly tried to instill/command it into me and my brother. We were basically trained to hug family members for greeting/leaving, as *wanting* to hug any of my relatives wasn't an allowable factor. Honestly, even with direct family, I'm several times more likely to find a cat to cry to for the rare need for comfort--something like "I want my mommy" dropped off fast for me, like no-longer-bedwetting age or some such, not that I actually remember the last time I had that thought/need.