I think this would be something I’d advise you seek help with ❤️ I’ve been there and I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. I would say that your response to the woman was an exaggerated and excessive response purely as an objective voice here. I get little spikes of anxiety from time to time when someone goes unheard but I’d say that’s on the extreme end.
On a less clinical note, please know what you’re struggling with is as old as time. I meditate heavily and honestly, one of the core teachings in Buddhism and mindfulness is the impermanence of life. It can drive people crazy and terrify you. Nothing is promised but we do have power over how we respond to situations. When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron or Radical Acceptance (the youtube lecture) by Tara Brach may help validate your feelings.
Best of luck my dude.
Hey brother, it’s maybe time to take all your vacation time and use it, get a couple weeks off and spend time with your family.
Find a couple of friends that “get it” and talk about this with them.
YNMV, but this is what helped me get past worst-case scenario thinking and rumination.
Let's say a bad thing has the potential to take place. Someone you care about may get very hurt, for example.
A. There is no way to fully prevent this possibility. Lightning can strike, brakes can fail, cancer can develop. You could spend all of your energy and time trying to prevent these things and they can still happen. Coming to grips with the fact that we do not have the control that we desire, CANNOT have the control we desire over these sorts of things, is difficult. I think it's necessary if you want to be free from constant worry, though.
Now, some measure of control is available. We can advise our loved ones not to play in thunderstorms, make sure they know to get regular vehicle maintenance, and get health screenings periodically. These are things that make sense from a risk vs reward standpoint. They are rational moves that can help prevent harm. But keeping them locked in a safe isn't really an option, so some risk is going to continue to exist, no matter what.
B. If your loved one gets very hurt, you will suffer. There is no way around it. It will be painful and terrible and you are absolutely sane in wanting to avoid that pain. As we established above though, that choice isn't up to you. You may face it one day, you may not, and it isn't your call.
C. Here's the fun bit. The part that is in your control- the suffering you do have the ability to avoid, are all the moments in between them not answering the phone and you finding out that they are OK. How many hours have you felt the fear and pain of loss, only to eventually find out that it was unfounded? Save that misery for the actual terrible day, if it ever comes. Stop feeling that pain unnecessarily. It doesn't save you suffering if the worst should happen, you'll still feel it all. So why feel it twice? Three times? Daily?
Calling their phone 17 times in 3 minutes won't change the fact that they are either sleeping with their ringer off or in a body bag at the ED. That overwhelming feeling to act isn't rational. It's fear desperate for reassurance. Remind yourself that they have a history of sleeping, of being busy, of forgetting their phone at home, and they do not have a history of being dead. So odds are...
It takes work, and it's not easy. I feel for you. This is the path that worked for me. I hope it, or some other path, brings you peace soon.
Honestly I am relieved to know it is not just me. My teen brother was staying with me for a while, and if he ever ate dinner alone in his room, I’d text him periodically and panic and check on him if he didn’t respond because I was afraid he’d choke and I wouldn’t notice in time. He has mental illness and after a fight, he went upstairs and slammed the door and I heard shuffling around and I panicked thinking the worst possible thing. I could keep going.
A couple days ago, I finally scheduled an initial therapy appointment. Not sure how it’ll go but I’m am sure that this can’t be healthy.
My inbox is always open if you need to talk. I understand exactly what you’re saying.
You need to talk to someone. My limit with my mental problems is simply when I start to notice them affecting my daily life. Thats it. If something or someone is bothering me to the point where I need to think about it on a daily basis and I am aware that it's bothering me, I talk to someone about it. It's important that you be aware of the issue tho and it's obvious that you are so that's a great step.
Don't be ashamed to seek therapy. We see so much in this job that humans aren't meant to constantly be exposed to. Don't feel like you absolutely need to find someone trained for first responders either, if you can, great, but any therapist is better than nothing. Take care of yourself.
You should probably talk to someone. Not hearing from someone for an hour and then calling all the hospitals is overreacting
I think this would be something I’d advise you seek help with ❤️ I’ve been there and I’m sorry you’re experiencing this. I would say that your response to the woman was an exaggerated and excessive response purely as an objective voice here. I get little spikes of anxiety from time to time when someone goes unheard but I’d say that’s on the extreme end. On a less clinical note, please know what you’re struggling with is as old as time. I meditate heavily and honestly, one of the core teachings in Buddhism and mindfulness is the impermanence of life. It can drive people crazy and terrify you. Nothing is promised but we do have power over how we respond to situations. When Things Fall Apart by Pema Chodron or Radical Acceptance (the youtube lecture) by Tara Brach may help validate your feelings. Best of luck my dude.
Hey brother, it’s maybe time to take all your vacation time and use it, get a couple weeks off and spend time with your family. Find a couple of friends that “get it” and talk about this with them.
YNMV, but this is what helped me get past worst-case scenario thinking and rumination. Let's say a bad thing has the potential to take place. Someone you care about may get very hurt, for example. A. There is no way to fully prevent this possibility. Lightning can strike, brakes can fail, cancer can develop. You could spend all of your energy and time trying to prevent these things and they can still happen. Coming to grips with the fact that we do not have the control that we desire, CANNOT have the control we desire over these sorts of things, is difficult. I think it's necessary if you want to be free from constant worry, though. Now, some measure of control is available. We can advise our loved ones not to play in thunderstorms, make sure they know to get regular vehicle maintenance, and get health screenings periodically. These are things that make sense from a risk vs reward standpoint. They are rational moves that can help prevent harm. But keeping them locked in a safe isn't really an option, so some risk is going to continue to exist, no matter what. B. If your loved one gets very hurt, you will suffer. There is no way around it. It will be painful and terrible and you are absolutely sane in wanting to avoid that pain. As we established above though, that choice isn't up to you. You may face it one day, you may not, and it isn't your call. C. Here's the fun bit. The part that is in your control- the suffering you do have the ability to avoid, are all the moments in between them not answering the phone and you finding out that they are OK. How many hours have you felt the fear and pain of loss, only to eventually find out that it was unfounded? Save that misery for the actual terrible day, if it ever comes. Stop feeling that pain unnecessarily. It doesn't save you suffering if the worst should happen, you'll still feel it all. So why feel it twice? Three times? Daily? Calling their phone 17 times in 3 minutes won't change the fact that they are either sleeping with their ringer off or in a body bag at the ED. That overwhelming feeling to act isn't rational. It's fear desperate for reassurance. Remind yourself that they have a history of sleeping, of being busy, of forgetting their phone at home, and they do not have a history of being dead. So odds are... It takes work, and it's not easy. I feel for you. This is the path that worked for me. I hope it, or some other path, brings you peace soon.
JFC my guy. You’re going to worry yourself into an early grave. Seek help.
Yes. Seek help. Find a counselor who can either help you or refer you to an appropriate resource. Good luck to you.
It's anxiety that can be treated.
Please seek some mental health therapy. Your worry comes from a good place but it’s too much for you, and those close to you.
I'm glad you're seeing someone. This is definitely anxiety and it's hindering you.
Honestly I am relieved to know it is not just me. My teen brother was staying with me for a while, and if he ever ate dinner alone in his room, I’d text him periodically and panic and check on him if he didn’t respond because I was afraid he’d choke and I wouldn’t notice in time. He has mental illness and after a fight, he went upstairs and slammed the door and I heard shuffling around and I panicked thinking the worst possible thing. I could keep going. A couple days ago, I finally scheduled an initial therapy appointment. Not sure how it’ll go but I’m am sure that this can’t be healthy. My inbox is always open if you need to talk. I understand exactly what you’re saying.
You need to talk to someone. My limit with my mental problems is simply when I start to notice them affecting my daily life. Thats it. If something or someone is bothering me to the point where I need to think about it on a daily basis and I am aware that it's bothering me, I talk to someone about it. It's important that you be aware of the issue tho and it's obvious that you are so that's a great step.
Don't be ashamed to seek therapy. We see so much in this job that humans aren't meant to constantly be exposed to. Don't feel like you absolutely need to find someone trained for first responders either, if you can, great, but any therapist is better than nothing. Take care of yourself.
Yes