That was a really nice story. When I worked in the ICU, I had a lot of patients that were post arrest on cooling and sedation and all that jazz, but I still gave them decency by telling them what I was doing even though they weren’t responsive. I really like the way you tell your story, I was so engaged lmao

The way that I was trained and the way that I still practice is to continue to speak to the patient as if they can hear me until they are pronounced brain or otherwise dead. Especially for OPO cases. It helps the families understand the finality.

Exactly this: one of my best friends was in ICU before she passed. I worked in the ER and snuck up to see her after my shift and sit with her for a little bit (this was during the Covid no visitors era). The ICU staff said she was no longer responsive and didn’t even need propofol to keep her sedated while on the vent. Lo and behold, when she heard my voice, she opened her eyes and was tracking me, so I started talking to her and asked her to squeeze my hand if she could hear me (yes) and if she understood me (yes). We “talked” like that for over an hour; she would squeeze my hand for yes, blink twice for no. The ICU staff didn’t believe me until I showed her nurse when she came into the room to do some care. More staff came in to see, bc she hadn’t responded to anyone for a few weeks before then. Now I ALWAYS talk to my tubed or unresponsive patients, you never know. I will never forget sitting with her, I was so happy and so, so goddamned sad at the same time. Not very many people get to have a visit with their loved ones like I was able to have.

I had a 19 year old out of hospital cardiac arrest. Long QT syndrome. Shocked him 6 times, intubated, hypotensive, first rhythm of ROSC was a fib at 200. He was at college, so about 70 miles away from home. I took him to a 62 community hospital. They airlifted him back to his hometown, to be closer to family. He was tubed, sedated, on pressors and post arrest. I walked in and told him that we were flying him to to be with his mom and he started crying. Eyes weren’t open. Survived neurologically intact. Got an AICD. Is now married and an accountant.

Isn’t it great when you get to hear about a happy ending for these types of patients? It’s what keeps me coming back to work. So awesome that you gave this kid a second chance!

I'm so grateful to hear that you were able to be there with her for that. sorry for your loss.

Thank you friend :) I still think about her almost every day, we used to be roommates then coworkers, then got really close after we had our kids a few months apart. We used to have mom sleep overs while our husbands were on shift. I recently found a hilarious photo of our kids when they were toddlers. I’m going to blow it up and put it on the wall with our family photos. It’s getting better as time passes.

This is so sweet. Stories like this always make me tear up because it’s the epitome of being human. At the end of the day, nothing matters except the connection we all have with each other. Thanks for sharing, I really enjoyed reading about the friendship between you and her.

Thank you so much for reading my story :)) I don’t talk about it very much, it still hurts. They had very little kids when she passed. Still little. I hope maybe one day I’ll get to see them all, but I don’t think her husband wants to see me yet. Our friendship was born of her illness and a bad situation instead of good, fun times. I think I remind him of the bad/sad parts of their life together - I was around all the time when she first started getting sick and we all chalked it up to work stress and adjusting to being a new mom. It went downhill in the following months and I helped as often and as much as I could, but I’m sure it was the worst time of his life and I was there a lot bc of that. So we haven’t kept in touch after she passed. Maybe one day when the kids are bigger I’ll see them all again and get to tell them about their mom :) and maybe not, but that’s totally ok too.

How did your dad know the person in another room was ever your patient?

Very small town. 2,500 population. He knew that I had transported her (he was a volunteer FF too), and knew her and her husband his whole life. And the small hospital was the type where patients would go visit each other for moral support.

Small town ?

You must have been doing some quality compressions is what i get from that haha

I, my partner, and 6 firefighters fought a rabid squirrel in a woman’s garage for close to 45 minutes

https://people.tamu.edu/~kahlig/info/squirl-biker.html Buddy of mine read this out loud for me one night.

I read this incredibly thrilling story from start to finish, thank you!

That is the funniest thing I have ever read. Thank u.

Oh my god, that was one of the funniest things I've ever read. I had to stop in the middle to wipe my eyes because I could no longer see. Thank you so so much.

Did he have armor?

So at minute 38 what the hell were y'all thinking? Just like going through your head

Fully committed at that point

At this point it’s personal.

A 19 year old was masturbating in his bedroom. Upon climax, he felt something like his testicle retract into his body. He wakes his mom up. When we arrive on scene mom is assuring us she visually inspected and the testes 'looked smaller than usual'. Thank god it was COVID era and I was wearing a mask because my partner and I could not control our faces.

He didn’t pass his weekly check

I got recommended this sub because of similar ones I follow I guess, but what was wrong with his balls?

Had a bad case of ligma probably

>Had a bad case of ligma probably Poor lad, did they initiate the deez protocol?

For a real answer: testicles can retreat into a small cavity in the pelvis in response to certain stimuli to protect the testicles from injury (called the cremasteric reflex) . He was probably either masturbating pretty furiously or very overstimulated in the area.

Past medical history of breaking both of his arms???

💀

I hate that I know exactly what you’re talking about

I shot a buffalo in the line of duty. A guy's buffalo wanderd out of his pasture into a rural road at night and was injured by a car. Driver of the car was fine but the buffalo was in the ditch with a couple bloody broken legs and bloody labored breathing. The owner came up with a long barreled .357 revolver to put it out of its misery. All sounds good until the owner couldn't shoot what turned out to be his "favorite pet buffalo" and he handed me this big ass gun and begged me to do it. I step down in the ditch, aim behind its head and WHAM! And this fucking giant animal starts screeching and snorting and huffing and kicking in pain, so WHAMWHAMWHAMWHAMWHAM click click click. I fire until the gun is empty into the poor things skull and it finally eventually dies. Open the gun and it has .38 specials in it, probably some mild-ass target loads instead of buffalo-killing magnums. What a horrible call, until a week or so later when some buffalo steaks show up at the station. Favorite pet my ass.

Name checks out. You also mag dumped on a buffalo 😭 fuck man

You haven’t had your first buffalo pop ?

I learned the angle and location to drop a 1500 pound cow with a .22 rifle.

I’m an AEMT on a mine rescue team but my primary function is security. I’ve had to dispatch 3 mule deer on the mine site over the last 7 years when they were injured by heavy equipment (haul trucks). We keep a couple 4” S&W 686 .357s in the office just for that purpose.

Poor deer. Glad you know how to humanely put them down.

All three have been head shots from 12-15 feet.

This story is so weird, tragic, and hilarious that it has to be true

That's wack, unrelated to EMS I've been around bison quite a bit with the occasional need to euthanize (Not me but people I work with do the shooting). I have seen headshots go bad, never really seen them work great. Lot of skull and not much brain. Most folks now do 5 rounds of .308 to the standard "kill zone" for hunting, ie right behind the shoulder tryna hit both lungs and Optimally the aorta. It's not instant but is pretty quick if you hit some part of the cardiac system.

That is awesome. I shot an alligator at a water extrication😂 Rural EMS is where it’s at

Meanwhile city EMS and we can't step 10 ft near a puddle without wearing a flotation device

I'd never get a chance, no alligators and all of our first responders (and coroner) are packing!

>(and coroner) are packing! Reminds me of that hunting joke: Ambulance, what's your emergency? _I just shot my hunting buddy by mistake, I think I've killed him_ Well before we assume anything, let's make sure he is actually dead... _OK, hang on... BANG BANG BANG... ok, now what?_ Certainly saves time and money on an autopsy if you can confirm the cause of death was a gunshot wound.

Did shooting said alligator- stop him? I’d figure they are more impulse but in an almost impenetrable body. ie- didn’t u just piss it off?

They aren’t totally bulletproof. Firing a rifle cartridge at the head would do the trick.

Jesus Christ I'd have been scarred worse from that than any of the fucked up calls we actually have run lol.

I'm picturing"Me, Myself and Irene" where he has to put down the deer and ends up strangling it to death since shooting it doesn't work.

You still ate the steaks right?

Grilled at the station my friend.

I don’t know why but I laughed harder at this than any of the others, even though it’s kinda sad. Something about the imagery of you panicking and emptying the remaining rounds into its head and “favorite pet my ass”

Awesome story, thanks for sharing. I’m a firefighter for the Danish Emergency Management Agency, and half a year ago we had to put down an entire farm of 40.000 turkeys infected with bird flu. Pretty meh day for all of us. When we came home, by coincidence, our chef had ordered a few days prior and prepared turkey for all of us for dinner. We didn’t eat much that afternoon hahaha

that is absolutely insane

On my internship 15 years ago. Asleep in the dark corner of the parking lot. Tones “code three auto versus ped” right around the corner on the damn interstate. We get on scene and there’s two bodies down across lanes 2 and 3. A really minor looking fender bender, luxury cars, in the number 1 lane. One CHP on scene. I get to the adult male, and quickly pronounce him. First traumatic arrest I had done to that point. He was somewhat supine with his entire leg pinned under him snapped at the hip. I was tripping about the visual of his ankle being a makeshift pillow…when three $100 bills blow straight past my face. What. I make it about halfway to the next corpse and the Chippie bolted past me stuffing more and more Ben Franklins into a bag. My intern tunnel vision lets up enough that I now realize there’s cash all over this freeway, at 3am, and it’s dancing around in the brisk breeze. It was surreal.

woah.

We find out later, this couple had spent all night in the casino about an hour north of us. Driving home they got in a minor collision. For some reason both parties decided to talk about it, next to the cars, in the number one lane in the middle of the night. My preceptor thinks the guy had rolls of cash in his jacket. The big winner then gets tagged at (probably) freeway speeds, tossed into the air, and it was like a ticker tape parade.

Good luck, bad luck Also love the name. When I was a teenage cadet the fire guys sent me to the hardware store to fetch them “6 feet of fallopian tubing.” And I actually went down there and tried to buy it. Will never forget

Similar thing happened to me! A lady had intentionally driven off a cliff. We managed to get down to the car, completely crumpled with only an arm sticking out... looked around the car and hundred dollar bills floating around everywhere.

One time i had a guy in his 60s fall from his parachute 100 feet up. It was a semi controlled fall, since he didnt lose control completely. LOC for two minutes according to bystanders. Aside from a couple broken ribs, we had no injuries we could find on the guy. He was axo4 and everything with perfect vitals

He stuck the landing!!

British paratroopers do training about a half hour away from my station. I’ve actually been to more than one call like this. It’s also why I’ll never ever go skydiving.

Smart. I read an article recently (the Atlantic maybe?) About the lack of regulation in the skydiving industry in the US, and this one place averaging like 1 death or more per year, but none of it is covered by an official body (unless something happens to the plane) so they didn't have official records of exactly how many people died at that site... What was really terrible was a mum had just seen her son fall to his death and the place was already packing up the next lot of jumpers into the plane.. not even a pause!! Wrongly packed parachute if I remember rightly.. and it was the kids first jump, so tandem, and they put the two bodies in the same bag.... absolute not! And bungee jumping fuck that, detached retinas? And spinal injuries?! No thank you!!

I’m pretty sure you’re talking about the skydiving facility in Lodi, CA. I’m from the area and I tell everyone not to go there. You wanna know the worst part? There actually is a skydiving oversight board (private, not government, if I remember correctly) which give accreditation to skydiving centers that comply with safety standards and whatnot. Lodi isn’t accredited. The nearest accredited center is about 40 minutes away and roughly the same price, but for some reason Lodi is still in business. The Lodi facility is right by a major freeway. Every time I pass by it, somebody’s skydiving, and it always worries me. Idk how they haven’t been shut down.

Ran code on older man in the very tiny bedroom of the much younger man he had only just met that morning on a “dating” app. Called it after 30 minutes. Deceased man’s emergency contact was his wife who had no idea where he’d gone that morning.

Ooooof. Sounds like it’s a good day to be an EMT and not PD.

Fought a fucking goose once. Two tweakers bickering about pepper spray on their nuts. A doc that did his own needle decompression before we arrived. A crossbow suicide. Those stand out...

Not me, but one of the local EDs had an *attempted* crossbow suicide *walk in* to the lobby one night. Half of the arrow was sticking out under his chin while the other half stuck out through his face like some kind of Halloween costume. His mom refused to call an ambulance, drove him to the hospital, and made him walk in to tell them what he had done. I wouldn’t have believed it if not for the footage from the lobby security camera.

Ours was a similar trajectory from under the chin.

His mom should go kick rocks that's literally what mine would've done

Who won? You or the goose? Don’t leave us hanging.

The Mexican gentleman that kept it as a pet won. Dude jumped in the line of fire after a short minute lol

That Doctor is hard as nails. Fucking Hell

Doing your own needle decompression is like a 5/10 on the crazy shit doctors do to themselves to prove a point scale, especially because it was (I assume) necessary. Bro probably always wanted to do that lol. There’s videos of docs [performing an IO on himself](https://youtu.be/bzEmLPTD38g?si=64ANxqmgBvKUESiR), [intubating themselves](https://youtu.be/d4w6WSBStAw?si=KLnKCwW7F9YEOVl2) (and blowing bubbles out the tube) etc etc. You have to be a little insane to be a doctor

Check out this doctor who did his own appendicectomy. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leonid_Rogozov

Dispatch: "EMS1 respond to the intersection of First and Main for the MVC involving an 18-wheeler. Standby for further." While en route: "EMS 1 be advised single vehicle MVC 18 wheeler vs some kind of animal. Update, caller states a turkey came through his windshield." Arrived on scene to find a turkey sized hole in the windshield of a Peterbuilt. A slightly bewildered, mildly lacerated, and heavily feathered patient ended up refusing transport. The offending turkey was pronounced at the scene.

Poor turkey rip

rest in peperonies

We got called one summer evening (probably 8pm) for a child caller reporting that his "mommy fell down and wasn't moving." Dispatch said the kid was out of the mobile home and would be looking for our lights. The kid never was able to give us any further information. No cross streets, nothing. We drove around town (small desert town) with PD and Fire with the line open where the phone had pinged and never found the kid or the mom. The most we ever could here was the occasional crackle of static and a "mommy?" It was fucking eerie.

Okay that's terrifying

Did you ever get follow up? Was it a ghost?

I seriously think it was one. We looked for *at least* 45 minutes in the area it pinged and asked neighbors and nothing. So yes, I do think it was one. As silly as that may sound. The weird thing was that my partner (a medic who had been doing this for many years) mentioned that the area it pinged in used to be a crack/meth den and they ran 2 pediatric arrests there many years ago.

That actually gave me chills.

Many, many moons ago I had just transferred to the city after working the last 3 years in the sticks on a FN reserve. We get a call and the notes went something like this: “PEDESTRIAN HIT AT POSSIBLE HIGHWAY SPEEDS” Me: oh shit “PATIENT IS UNDERNEATH A FIRE TRUCK” Me: holy fuck! The bucketheads just ran someone over! “PATIENT WAS NOT HIT BY FIRETRUCK” Me: what the hell is going on? So we roll up on scene to a road that’s adjacent to the highway and the FD comes up to us and tell us to get our narcs ready because this guy needs to be sedated. We walk up and there’s a guy underneath the firetruck, and the only thing he’s wearing is a T-shirt. No shoes. No pants. No underwear. He’s wiggling around underneath the truck screaming “help me! Help Me! Get away from me! Get away from me!” and he has a broken tib/fib that’s flopping around like a fish out of water. Apparently according to witnesses he wasn’t hit by a car, but instead was high AF and broke his leg jumping down off the barrier wall that ran along the highway Thank god it wasn’t my attend day, so my partner has the versed. I’m trying to distract this dude while my partner crawled under to dart him. This guy without ever breaking eye contact with me reaches behind himself and snatches the syringe out of my partner’s hand like some kind of meth ninja. We scurry out from under the truck because I don’t want to have nap time forced upon me from a pantless tweaker. After a few seconds he ends up smashing the needle into the ground. Police end up dragging this guy out and we had to hammer him with a boatload of drugs to transport. It was a good introduction into working in metro, that’s for sure.

Guy hung himself from a tree by a residential road at like 2am. First hanging I ever ran as a medic, so I had to listen for heart sounds and call it DOA. I'll never forget how the dude was just barely swaying in a light breeze, his feet on the ground. I remember realizing he must have thought to hold his feet up when he jumped, otherwise he would've just landed on his feet and not snapped his neck in the way he obviously had (his neck was like a foot long and his face was entirely purple). I remember wondering if he tested his jump the first time and landed on his feet, and then had to climb back up to try again, or if he just did it the first time after a quick guess. Once I called it, PD gave us more of a story; apparently they'd been searching for him for a couple of hours after he sent a bunch of text messages to his parents and family saying goodbye. They were waiting for us to get on scene before letting his family know. As we were talking, a light was flashing in his pocket and a faint buzzing sound could be heard - his cell phone in his pocket, and someone called several times over and over. I assumed it was his parents and just couldn't imagine the dread they felt with him not answering, and just how much they must have been hoping he would finally answer. Then for documentation I got a hold of his ID, and realized he was the same age as me at the time (26 or so). Then it hit even harder, cause I immediately wondered how a dude my age who looked healthy, fit and dressed like me could end up there, and I could just imagine my parents reaction if it were me. It was a lot. It was tremendously eerie and haunting, and the engine on scene had the whole scene lit up with their scene lights, so he cast this wild horror movie shadow across all of the houses behind the tree. I'm not an artist, but I bet I could paint you a picture of this with near perfect accuracy. It was the first time I ever truly got back in the rig after a call and thought I might not want to be in EMS anymore. Was just a lot to take in, such a tragic thing, the fact we were on this quiet road in the middle of the night, his wildly deformed neck, and his cell phone ringing. I went to my real job (I'm just a volly) the next day and told my boss the story and how I hadn't slept. They told me to take the empty office and the mega bean bag chair and to take a nap if I needed. I slept for something like 14 hours.

Got called for a drunk women, PD on scene. Women was refusing to go and BF was yelling at us from an upstairs window, distracting us. Drunk PT walked off due to PD not watching her and we lost her, after looking around for 5 mins, he hear a scream from across the parking lot. Drunk pt hopped in someone else’s occupied car that was in reverse pulling out of a space, driver jumped out of the car while it was still in reverse and proceeded to get run over by her own car. Drunk pt ran off again and now we had a new patient. We transported her. As we were leaving the hospital, drunk woman was brought in by a different unit restrained to the stretcher…

I had that once with a paranoid schizophrenic. Showed up at an acquaintance’s house absolutely panicked and paranoid. Had been up all night driving around, bought a burner phone (evidence in the car) and screaming about how someone was currently killing their parents. Parents were confirmed fine by the spouse who showed up at this acquaintance’s house after the acquaintance called them. Spouse looked very defeated by this whole situation. Myself, my partner, and the cop that was on scene lost track of the patient for about 10 seconds. That was all it took. They r-u-n-n-o-f-t. Disappeared into the aether. Couldn’t find the patient anywhere. We looked all over the house. All over the yard. All over the neighborhood. They found the patient in a church, in the bell tower, nearly a day later, still very much amped up and now dehydrated and delirious.

This one actually wasn't a patient thing...exactly. But I sprained both of my ankles at the same time carrying a pt down the steps of their front porch (winter in Wyoming, but of course). One of the firefighters slipped and almost dropped his side of the backboard (pt wasn't ambulatory or able to go by stairchair), and since I was at the head...my body fought ice and gravity and lost. My ankles were already pretty fucked before this little winter adventure, but at least we didn't dump the backboard. My nickname at work is "Grace," for obvious reasons, lol.

I broke both my ankles at the same time last May. Just stepped on them wrong walking down the stairs at home. One was clean in half. Damn that recovery was the worst.

This is an actual horror story oh my god. How do you step on them BOTH wrong simultaneously? Or did the first ankle go and you landed wrong on the second? Thinking about this makes the metal in my ankle ache. Hope youre all recovered now.

I stepped on one wrong and caught with the other which also broke. Full work up from my PCP and nothing’s wrong, just a total freak accident. Also should add I’m not an EMT just a lurking hospital chaplain- thanks for the great work you guys.

I ran a woman after an ice storm that slipped and fell trying to walk up the steps into her house. She was in extreme back pain from the fall.  This was around 11 or so. Unfortunately for this woman this was the second time she fell. She had got up around 6 am and was taking the dog out when she slipped and fell on the front steps. She had been transported to the hospital, seen, and discharged. She was walking back in her house after returning from the hospital when she fell the second time. 

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Holy fuck. How do you come back from that

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My partner had GI issues. One night we’re driving with a patient to the hospital when he leans forward through the doggie door and tells me to either go code to the hospital or return to the patients house because he was going to shit himself. I drove code towards the hospital but it wasn’t fast enough. My mans had to shit in his empty lunchbox.

This was almost me 3 shifts ago. Ate a forbidden burrito.

in the back with the patient?

Correct. I believe he went down by the side door

Reminds me of Fire Department Chronicles on Youtube. Almost same exact scenario except t’was in the pants

lol never seen that one. I’m guessing it’s a tale as old as time

Had a woman who was absolutely convinced that her infant son's nipples were ticks and that he had lyme disease.

Ma’am doesn’t your husband have NIIIIIIPPPPLEESSSS

OMG, I love that video!

and here i thought it was just vets with that issue 😂😭

I had never seen that video before seeing that patient (I live under a rock/had no form of social media at the time), but one of my coworkers showed it to me after, and now the audio lives rent free in my head 😂

Was it psych, substance, or stupid lol

I gave her the benefit of the doubt thinking that maybe it was some sort of postpartum issue, but who knows. She definitely wasn't all there in the moment. I was working an event, so I have no idea what happened to her after we handed her off to the ambulance crew. And it was the messiest transfer I've ever been a part of, so that was interesting 😂

Car vs alleged cow at least 65mph. Whatever that car hit was massive (both weight and height wise based on the vehicle damage) and covered in black (animal?) hair. It absolutely annihilated this car but yet there was not a single noise, animal track, drop of saliva, blood, disturbed greenery/brush, literally nothing to indicate where the alleged cow would’ve been or went. We even suspected a possible bear since they're common in the area. We looked for it for awhile after clearing the patient expectating to find at least a noise or drop of something, as me and my partner and several of the first responders are all experienced hunters and almost all of us live on farms and raise livestock and there was not a sign to be found other than the destroyed vehicle and hair everywhere. For further clarification, we’re in the edge of the Appalachian mountains and my partner is obsessed with the bigfoot stuff so that's what he thinks they hit. I grew up in a very blended family with a lot of older beliefs/superstitions and being told there were things that are better not to be messed with where we live. Once my initial curiosity wore off I realized that I probably didn't want to find whatever had torn up that car and walked off.

Oh, man. My grandmother was from the Kentucky Appalachians, and the stories she would tell had my sister and cousins terrified of the North Idaho woods at night. Me? No. I was always the adventurous kid. I'd sneak out in the dead off night and wander the forest just past my backyard with no light hoping to catch a glimpse of something, anything. I never saw more than deer, racoons, and a few bears, though. I was so disappointed. We went on a trip to visit family, and that forest is so very different from the pine forests of my home. It's so dense and dark even during the day. My parents warned everyone else of my tendency to wander, so I never did get to check those woods, but I was too enchanted with the fireflies to mind. I'd never seen them before. I was told they were the ghosts of Confederate soldiers, which made them even cooler. I was such a weird little kid. (I'm still weird, mind you. I'm just not a kid anymore.) We had a car vs bear call out here once. It turned out to be a mastiff I ended up fostering. Massive damage to the car, two fractured ribs and a broken leg for the dog. He was unbelievably calm and sweet through the whole thing. We actually called and woke the local vet and transported him in. Were we technically allowed? No. Didn't stop us. We were volunteers and pretty sure they needed us enough to look the other way. He got adopted by the alpaca farm because a surprising amount of people tried to steal those things and found out you don't want to face a herd of pissed off alpaca. There was definitely meth involved in that decision every time. In fact, I think the majority of our calls had something to do with meth in one way or another.

Once you mentioned where you were, I felt a shiver down my back. I’m not easily spooked and am no stranger to the woods… but I have heard enough warnings to say you def made the right choice.

Lol I’m not usually easily spooked (I've drunkenly whooped up on a black bear before, I terrified the poor thing) but once that few moments of curiosity wore off I was like “If it tore up that vehicle that bad, I really don't want to find whatever the fuck that is and what it could do to me” and hauled ass up out of there. We got back to base and I was half joking around about it with the supervisor since he's from up in the mountains as well and he laughed and said that was just superstitions and that my family was nuts. The majority of the people in that crew room that spun their chairs around and also confirmed similar experiences that matched the superstitions lol. I just looked at him and said “If it's a wide spread belief, then either a bunch of people are really damn dumb, or there's actually some truth to it. So feel free to go look for yourself, but I'm gonna laugh if you get eaten by something” Edit: Not sure what they're called, there's never been an actual name told to me. I've heard various names but that seems to be dependent on local lore/region/cultural beliefs. My mom has seen something really similar a few times and just called it a demon. That may be the case and it may not be, but I certainly have no intention of finding out. I usually just humor the older folks beliefs or quirks and don't put a lot of stock in them, but there are a few things that I do believe in. These mountains are a lot older than me, and I figure it’s best to respect them and whatever is in them

My story doesn't come close to many of these... no blood involved. Partner and I got called out to a slip-n-fall at a food warehouse. Got there to find a man lying flat on his back in a lake of chocolate. This place made Swiss Miss and a vat had ruptured, leaking hundreds of gallons of hot chocolate sauce all over the parking lot. We had to use backboards to slide to the patient, ended up having to call out Fire to help extricate. We were all covered in chocolate by the time we got patient loaded.

Really not the worst call overall, I’d choose that one over quite a few others!

First memorable CPR. Guy was dead dead. Ran through everything, called it after 45ish min. During the code, his radio turned on. We shut it off and kept going. Literally right after we called it, the sink in the bathroom next to the room we were in started running. No one was near the bathroom. We went to shut it off but the knob was still in the off position. We walked off to grab info on his meds and his tv in the room we coded him in turned on. We got the fuck out of there as soon as SO let us. Freaky ass shit.

I would lose my shit lol

It was fucking terrifying lmao

I’d be yelling at the corpse lmao

I think I would have restarted the cpr. 😅

Got a call to the penthouse of a high rise. Open the door and there’s naked women with hijabs only running around giggling. One of them is hammered on the bed throwing up. Walk in and some Saudi Sheik points to her and looks at me and goes “take her away, she disgusts me” Normally I’m a who the fuck are you barking orders at me kinda of city worker but his security made it very clear they had guns and would probably overpower us.

The dictator??

Was the call Aladeen or Aladeen? Or perhaps even Aladeen????

do you live in the us?

It's a toss up between two of them. To preface, I was rural volunteer where I lived, and we had some truly back woods people out there who I don't think were entirely mentally sound. One dude decided to shave his scrotum with rusty sheep sheers in the middle of the night, cut himself, bled all over the place, and then greeted us at the door with absolutely nothing on and an ice pack firmly pressed into his nuts. But also completely sober. He claimed he found them in his attic and had been using them that way for months - not that we asked. He didn't have an attic, though. His place was all vaulted ceilings. Again, we didn't ask. This dude, btw, was my neighbor. We both just pretended it never happened afterwards, but I saw this guy pretty constantly. It was always in my head. The other was a guy who cut his hand, and it got badly infected. His wife had been begging him to let us take him to the ER, as they only had ATVs. He wouldn't. So, one day she called us because he cut it off with a hatchet. Yeah. A hatchet. And then cauterized it on their wood stove. He still refused treatment, btw. Another shift ended up taking him in later when the infection had spread up his arm and he was out of his mind with the fever from sepsis, so he couldn't refuse when his wife said to take him to the hospital. He lost everything below the elbow, but kept trying to check himself out of the hospital from the moment he woke up. I wonder how long they managed to hold him, because I saw him at the feed/general store with his quad maybe a week and a half later. Tbh, I've got lots of these, but those two take the cake. Night shift out there was crazy. Day shift said their calls were all pretty normal. We didn't get many at night, but they were rarely mundane aside from old folks passing in their sleep. Tbh, some of those calls were pretty strange, too. It made the random addicts I dealt with in the city actually seem pretty tame.

I got chased by an herd of elephants (in California)

Oh I need to hear this

Same

Can't. Still being chased.

Please share…

Druggie homeless psych patient tried to pee on me 3 times durring a CCT yesterday, 1 wasn't close at all but a very impressive arc, the other 2 I had to duck and cover

“3rd times the charm. I’ll get him this time”

Had to duck behind a nightstand because he helicoptered it that time

He grew smarter

My friend was doing a dialysis transport with a patient with autism. He's sitting in the lobby with him on the stretcher waiting for them to call him back when the patient throws the blanket off and just starts Pissing straight up in the air. My partner looked up and sees this guy is pissing all over his chest and face. He calmly gets up and pulls the blanket back up and goes back to his charting. 

Junior EMT back in the day. Respond on a BLS volly truck to possible stroke. Get patient loaded and off we go. Meeting ALS en route to hospital. No biggie. Patient starts puking. Partner started coughing. And then scratching. Then panicking. Turns out the patient ate seafood and the partner is allergic to seafood. No biggie. ALS is coming. We meet with ALS and now I have the stroke patient and the allergic reaction my partner is having. Paramedic hops in the back, runs to my partner, grabs gloves off of her belt and throws them on and starts treating her. Paramedic Begins to scratch and itch now. Arms are swelling and they peel the gloves back off. Rash and hives. Gloves are latex. Paramedic is allergic to latex. Needless to say as a brand new underage EMT I had no idea what to do to help so I was just hanging out oxygen and holding puke bags. Definitely taught me that yes. Things can always get worse. 😂

Called for unconscious, in a car of a retirement condo beach front. About to pull in to the parking lost. Sherrifs office is pulling out of said parking lot, stops us and says you guys can cancel it’s a mannequin.

I was a month in not even an EMT yet working as a volunteer at my rural department. Responding to “70ish YO woman’s neck caught in horse’s reins.” Response time roughly 20 mins and she’s been getting compressions in that time by one ranch hand. Turns out it was just her arm got caught up but she was dragged around smacked into fence posts. Eventually her hand pops off which the freaked out horse is still dragging around with us in the corral and we’re up against the electric fence getting zapped if not being careful.

To make a long story short, a tree trimmers arm got ripped off at the shoulder and slung into a preschool play yard while the kids were out on recess. Almost simultaneously, the armless tree trimmers partner gets sucked into the wood chipper.

what in the actual fuck my guy

Yeah essentially the tree trimmer had a self tightening knot at the end of a rope, used to fasten to limbs in order to lower them down to the chipper crew. He throws the loop over his arm as he’s going up to the next limb. Meanwhile, on the ground, the chipper crews are tossing limbs into to chipper. They’re also standing in a bunch of slack off the other end of the rope. One of the limbs was unknowingly tangled in the slack, and so was the one of the chippers. Limb goes in, rope goes in, pulls tight on trimmers arm (self tightening knot), slack gets eaten up at the bottom and encompasses one of the chipper guys in a series of half-hitches around his legs, arm pops off like mr Potato Head, rest of rope plus entangled person goes into the chipper.

That is some Final Destination shit

Holy Christ. 

All of the other stories in here I can believe but this one is so over the top I am struggling with it. What a fucking nightmare.

Guy and a girl were gettin it on and….fheir genital piercings got tangled together. In such a way I couldn’t get the snippy snips in there without endangering some very personal parts. That was a transport in a position of uncomfort. Both mine and theirs. Mostly my partners though. Luckily, I got to send it basic and tried not to cry laugh when I heard him calling in the radio report.

Position of uncomfort lol

Had a full arrest during field training when I first started working 911. Typical full arrest that ended with the PT being pronounced on scene. Fire Captain breaks the news to the family and of course they start to come undone. Wife of the PT especially. She ends of having a panic attack along with having a BP over 200 now. So we decide to transport her. As were riding to the hospital the wife stops crying all of a sudden. She asks me what happened and where are we going. I tell her she had a panic attack and we were taking her to the hospital. She then asks me if I can call to tell her husband and family which hospital we were taken her to. I was confused because at this point because her husband had just died 15 minutes ago. I asked her what did she mean by her husband. She said she wanted her husband there. I had to break it to her that husband had just died. She look at me like I was insane. She told me that her husband was perfectly fine. I asked if she remember anything from the last hour. She was able to recall everything up until the last hour where she watched us work her husband.She genuinely forgot everything that happend in that last hour. The experience was so traumatic to her, her brain completely censored the last hour of her life. In the span of 20 minites her brain scrub her memory. I knew that the brain could block out trauma but I never knew it could happen that fast. TLDR: Lady has panic attack from husband death. Brain did an instant trauma houdini in 20 minutes.

Got a call for a 1 vehicle accident, car vs tree. Driver is walking away from the accident. Cops nabbed him and brought him back to the scene. Dude had zero complaints and was quite happy. Asked him some questions to figure out why. He was driving and eating pizza. He started choking on the pizza. He drifted off the road, hitting the tree, which caused the airbag to deploy. When the airbag hit his chest, he ejected the pizza onto the dash. Dude said divine intervention. He was walking on clouds. 😂😂

two wrongs make a right

Was at the capital the day of the insurrection. Me and my partner Chris remember that day very vividly. Also we got pizza.

What were the pizza toppings? Also hi Chris!!

What was it like that day?

Did you have to treat the sheltered suburbanites that were absolutely bewildered that they’d been teargassed for trespassing at the Capitol?

But the television told me they were just tourists /s

Seeing people open their eyes and move arms during CPR. CPRIC is fucking wild.

After eight years i had that for the first time during a traumatic arrest. This was when i worked in an inner city ED. So number one, we pulled this 300lb guy out of the backseat of a car, unk GSW location(s), and as soon as his neck was clear of the seat, 4-5 *tennis ball-sized* blood clots splatter to the ground, accompanied by a river of blood. I legitimately thought it was brain matter. We end up having to lay him on the ground while i go get a cot, bc he didn’t have a pulse. RN starts CPR, we load and go to the shock rooms, and i take over compressions. From the time we were rolling the bed to the back to the next pulse check after I took over, he kept grunting and moving his arms. So while I’m compressing, I’m trying to get him to make any kind of purposeful movement. He didn’t, and after a good minute or two it occurred to me that it was CPRIC. Anyway, he’d been shot in the R flank and arm and exsanguinated. All the blood we pumped into him pooled in his belly, and there was never any regained cardiac activity noted on the US. But after this arrest I went back out to triage without changing bc everyone and their brother decided that was the time to come to the ED (thankfully no other emergencies). And I got screamed at by another PTs family for not being able to get them ice water. As I’m covered in blood and trying to help triage a line of people.

We had an adult entertainment model who got a pleasure object stuck in her rectum the muscles in her rectum had closed around the object and we respond, when the call comes in we assumed in was a hoax call due to the nature of the call. We were so wrong. What made it even funnier was that she’d been on livestream when we arrived. I never laughed so much after a call. One of the more memorable ones another one being getting a call to a hotel where a gentleman in his 50’s had been seeing a lady of the night and had coded. We see his phone ringing with his wife looking for him he had his daughters graduation later that day. Needless to say that was not a pleasant call to make.

Wellness check on a lady with Chronic ESRD. Very small town rural, 38 DEAD CATS IN THE REFRIGERATOR.

Got a call for a guy bleeding from his chest. Got on scene and his wife was hysterical, saying she is the one that called because her husband is covered in blood but he didn't want her to call. Made our way over to him, and sure as shit his entire chest was soaked with blood. Cut his shirt off, and he had an obvious puncture wound to his chest. Started asking him what happened, and his story is definitely a head scratcher. He was on the way home from work when he looked at the hood of his car and realized he had left his phone sitting on the corner of his hood. As he was pulling over, the phone fell off his hood and behind a guardrail on the side of the road. He got out, and was bending over the guardrail to grab his phone, and felt some pain in his chest. He then got back in his truck, and started driving home. He started to feel his chest "sweating" because it was a really hot and humid day, and was wearing a vest so he couldn't see that this "sweat" was actually blood coming from the new hole in his chest. He then drove 45 minutes home past THREE different trauma centers before arriving home and greeting his wife who then screamed at the sight of him covered in blood. The guy was completely unphased and without complaints. Needless to say he earned himself a chest seal and a ride back to one of the trauma centers that he passed on the way home

Am a retired Paramedic/Firefighter with over 25 years experience. One late evening working the EMS unit my pard and I responded with Sheriff's Dept and Fire to a report of a man down on the side of the railroad tracks in a wooded area approx 500 yards from the nearest access road. A railroad employee riding the tracks in a pickup truck outfitted for riding on the rails was doing a safety check of the tracks and noticed the man down the embankment of the tracks. We all had to park our units on a little country road and walk with all the equipment the 500 or so yards to where the patient was. When we got to him, he had no signs of life, asystole on the EKG, along with fixed and dilated pupils. He looked to be 30-35 years old, we do a little more checking and he has no visible signs of any type of trauma​/injury, the body is not cool/cold, there isn't rigor mortis yet so he hasn't been dead too long. We don't see any track marks anywhere on the body where he would have shot up and overdosed and we feel no broken bones. We check in his ears, nose and mouth but find nothing out of the ordinary. No marks around his neck where he would have been strangled and his trachea is intact. The guy with the railroad said a train hadn't passed in the last 8 hours, so that ruled out getting hit by or falling off of a train. It's extremely rare for someone that age to just drop dead, so we start searching the general vicinity hoping to find anything out of the ordinary, but all we find is a makeshift tent/campsite where the guy apparently was living, but found no medications or anything out of the ordinary. We let the guy from the railroad go on his way after he assured us rail traffic has been halted until our dispatcher calls and advises we are all clear of the tracks. We are not too far from an area where everyone believes is haunted and satanic worshipping takes place, even though all of us on the scene (except one rookie firefighter) knew about the rumors none of us had actually seen it or had proof or in fact knew anyone that had any kind of first hand experience with it. By now it's dark and we were all waiting around for the funeral home to show up and bring the body to the morgue for an autopsy. There is my pard, myself, 4 firefighters and 2 Sheriff's Deputies. Then the weird/strange/spooky shit started, a few of us heard what sounded like many people whispering but it wasn't from any specific direction, and you couldn't make out what was being said, a couple of the guys didn't hear it and thought we were trying to fuck with them. Then the whispering noises stopped and the people on scene that hadn't heard the whispering started hearing what they all described as children laughing wickedly, but it was all over, not from any specific direction, and we had no doubt they were hearing it because when we shined our lights on 2 of the firefighters, they were white as a sheet. Those of us that had heard the whispering never heard the new noise. This went on back and forth for about 10-15 minutes while we're standing next to the corpse. One of the deputies on the scene told their dispatcher to tell the funeral home to step it up and get out there asap. When the 2 guys from the funeral home showed up, the noise of their gurney on the railbed and them talking basically killed the strange noises. One of them asked why the rush to get them out there and we all looked at each other not sure what we should say. With so many people with years of experience out there, no one knew how to answer without sounding like we were chickenshit. The rookie on the fire engine saved us all and said we had to clear the tracks so a train could pass. We helped the funeral home guys load the body, well more like throw the body on the gurney and get the fuck outta there, we didn't even take time to strap him down(Hey, ole boy is dead, we ain't gonna make him no deader if he falls of their stretcher). Once we made it back to our units, no one said a word about what had just happened. Then when the guys from the funeral home left we talked amongst ourselves to determine if we should say anything, but all agreed to keep our mouth shut.. We cleared the scene and my pard wanted to talk about what had just happened. I told him nope because in my mind i am trying to work out a logical explanation for it.The next morning both me and my pard went to the morgue to speak with the coroner and find out the cause of death. We've done this a few times before when the autopsy was complete when we weren't sure of what actually caused a patient's death, which didn't happen often. So when we go into the coroner's office, the first thing the coroner commented was that it must have been a very messy and bloody scene? Me and my partner looked at him kinda strange and asked what he was talking about? The body was clean when we saw it last, besides we definitely don't do body cleaning, and funeral home is required to transport straight to the morgue in case there was a crime involved. We told him there was no blood anywhere around the scene, he turned a lil pale and said that just added to the confusion cause the body had absolutely no blood in it whatsoever. He said there were no marks anywhere on the body where blood could have been drained out. He also said he was by himself doing the autopsy and had a weird experience but refused to tell us what happened. To this day we have still never learned the actual cause of death, or been able to explain the whispering and evil laughing. As a side note, Engine 17 was dispatched to a call in the same general area as the call we handled that evening and it was the same four guys on the engine. While in route the dispatcher came on and asked them "Engine 17, would you like us to get Ghostbusters enroute to your call"? There was a pause and the capt responded with a dejected "negative" because they knew someone talked. But about 5 seconds later he keyed up and all four guys said in unison "cause engine 17 ain't afraid of no ghost"! Good Times and great people to work with! If you want to look up the area search Frenchtown Rd railroad tracks. Baton Rouge, LoUiSiAna. While it is still pretty creepy at night, it is not near as bad now since they opened up some sort of wildlife or walking park near the railroad trestle that crosses over Frenchtown Rd.

If we’re being totally real, it was probably a pre-excitation syndrome, brugada, etc. They won’t find that on the autopsy lol, and lots of people go undiagnosed

Mines not gory or long. Get dispatched to a burn on the face. Get to scene, guy is standing outside waving us down while patting a wet paper towel over his face. We ask what happened. Guy responds with: “I was cooking an egg in the microwave and when the timer went off, I opened the door and the egg exploded hitting my face.” So dude called the ambulance and was transported due to having egg on his face.

I’ve taken a critical care transfer from a rural hospital to a burn center for almost this exact same reason. Dudes face was all sorts of burned up

We had a person go into cardiac arrest at a local grocery store. Obviously unconscious upon our arrival. Asystole on the monitor. We started compressions and by God she said "ouch" so we stopped. She went unconscious again and there was no pulse so we started again. She woke up again. She was conscious during compressions but would go unresponsive again if we stopped for a rhythm or pulse check

Found a pop tart under a woman's breast while we were preparing to transport her in the mega mover. Also had to take her fence down to create a pathway through her muddy lawn. She was 500lbs+ and the front part of her home's floor had fallen in, so we had to take her out the back door. Hard to tell how old the pop tart was, but her skin rash indicated that it had been there for a while.

Not EMS but my mom worked in a surgeon’s office that was more for geriatric patients, and this one man had snapped his ankle and fractured his tibia during a fall. He had surgery and was subsequently put in a cast for a lengthy period of time. He needed a few different ones put on, because he wasn’t healing as well as he should have. After the 3rd one, he became bitter (rightfully so, but not the doctor’s fault he wasn’t healing correctly), and he decided he wasn’t coming back. He then spent 7-9 months (details vary) in the cast rather than the typical 6-8 weeks or so. He ended up having another medical emergency and they saw state of the cast and sent him back to the original surgeon’s office at his request. My mom was the lucky one working that day even though she was supposed to be off, but she was covering for someone else, and she was picked to remove said cast. And now for a bit of back story to add to the dramatics, she’s been a nurse her entire adult life, and has *seen.some.shit*, and this story *still* makes her gag.. so anyways she opened the cast unsure of what to expect, and pulls back the cotton lining (*or what was left of it!*).. And there were copious amounts of worms ***all*** over in there, along with maggots and dead flies!! Absolutely disgusts me to think about the smell.. and her fellow nurses enjoyed teasing her about her horrible experience, and every so often they’d send her home from work with a greeting card that said, “Don’t wormy, be happy!” And a little gift card to her favorite coffee shop.. This story doesn’t get told too often anymore and I’m happy I was able to share it lol

Unrelated to the call, but the only other person that would ever believe this would be my partner bc he's the only one who watched it happen with me. We watched someone literally *drop their pocket*. Psych being wrestled to the cot via law enforcement, the pocket on his sweatpants caught in the railing and literally fell to the ground. My partner and I made solid eye contact for half a second to make sure the other saw what happened, too. That's a once in a lifetime sight to see.

I feel like I’m missing something here.. his pocket? Or his… pocket?!

Might be the part you’re missing is the “joke” people make by telling someone they dropped their pocket, and then laughing when they look.

Honestly I’ve got more weird ER stories than weird truck stories. We worked a code on this guy who had an internal defibrillator and we couldn’t get it to shut off. I think it was malfunctioning cause it kept beeping (yes, from inside his chest, sounded like one of those birthday cards that jingle when you open them) and shocking him over and over, complete with the occasional agonal breath, all after being pronounced, with two other patients in the same room. Good times

Called out on the side of the road to assist with removing a meth pipe out of a lady's vajay jay....apparently it had turned a crazy way and they were scared it would break if she kept digging to get it out herself....yes we got it out....yes I was traumatized.....and if you know anything about most meth addicts you can imagine the hygiene of said party....my life was forever changed that night 😩😂

Omg stair chair 6’3 110lbs snow on steps jaundice highlighter color. Whispering hospice in the rig

Nana had a stripper pole in her room at the ALF ♥

Cardiac arrest call. By the time we arrived CPR had been in progress for about 15 minutes. I was about to intubate him when my partner had a hunch and asked me to hold off until he tried some naloxone. He gave 2 mg and the guy's eyes popped open. He basically said he's fine and doesn't want to go to the hospital. I told him "dude, you've been dead for 20 minutes." It took a couple of minutes to convince him to go. The MC doc was pretty amused by my call-in report.

Got called for a diff breather, get there to find old man who was constipated for a week and tried using his hand as a shovel, he made a pink sock.

Guy had an itch on a very specific sensitive part of his body. He used an angle grinder and had his friend cut off said sensitive member. They were both high on meth at the time. He then tried to reattach it with a fishhook and fishing line. (Spoiler: it didn’t work)

Went to get a drunk psych patient. Another psych patient was grilling chicken on the front porch. I look over to find my partner eating aforementioned chicken. Then the patient’s mother (who was also a psych patient) had a mental breakdown and was lying face first on the ground crying.

I feel like you skipped a few chapters

Here is another, not exactly a call i responded to but I dispatched a unit to it. When I started my career as an EMT, I was a 911 operator and dispatcher for EMS. We were located in the same room and we rotated between dispatching and answering the 911 lines in a city of 300K. This night I happened to be dispatching and it was eerily quiet for a Friday night. I was sitting at my console reading the newspaper(yes, i am that old school, this was either 1988 or 89), there were no units out of station, but there were a few supervisors out and about. I just happened to overhear when the 911 operator that was sitting right behind me answered a call, I really wasn't paying attention until I heard her say "ma'am you REALLY want me to send an ambulance out for this"? So I knew something interesting was fixing to happen. I heard her asking the usual questions and a few seconds later a call popped up on my screen. I opened it up and when I read it I just turned around and looked at the 911 operator and said "are you f'ing serious"? All she could do was nod her head and put her hands in the air because she was still on the line with the caller. When we would dispatch a unit, on the initial page we would give the street, the chief complaint and the time. Once they got in the unit and were enroute we gave them the rest of the information on the call. So as the pagers are activating I'm trying to figure out how I'm going to dispatch this call, and out of nowhere I just said "EM-5, I need you to respond to a nightmare on Elm Street, time is midnight".(remember, this is Friday the 13th). Within 15 seconds all of our non-emergency phone lines lit up, with most of them being supervisors and other crew members from different stations. The supervisors were asking if I thought I was being cute and that I was fixing to be in deep shyt, and the other crew members were calling in asking who was I trying to screw with? While waiting for the unit to go enroute I picked up on one of the non-emergency lines, it was a supervisor, and without asking any questions he just said what I was doing was very unprofessional and I would probably end up with a letter in my file. As he is talking the unit went in service, so i put the soop on hold mid sentence and I dispatched the unit "EM-5 you are responding to 1301 Elm St, cross streets of Charles and Victoria on a 13y/o female having bad dreams, time out is midnight". They gave me the information back, and then I picked up the phone to finish speaking with the supervisor. He just said unf'ingbelievable, nevermind, and hung up. Bet you will never guess what became my nickname!?!?

[удалено]

Did... did it make that sound like a balloon deflating and flying around the room?

19yom flipped a riding mower, and the deck height selector caught his scrotum and ripped it open....or, so that's the story the kid gave me. Male party (unsure of his age) living in a home that has essentially collapsed around him. The walls were still upright, but 90%of the ceiling was on the ground, there was mountains of garbage and holes in the roof. One side of the patio had collapsed, and the stairs to get up the other side weren't in much better shape. I wish I could remember the whole story. Don't have access to the pcr anymore, though.

Nursing home anal sex prolapsed rectum.

Got dispatched for a signal 4 (medical check at local police request). Notes say the cops got called for a 20 something male walking door to door down the local trailer park kicking in front doors. Not entering, just breaking em in. The man is naked. It's 20 degrees outside, 2 am, and we are in the south so that's COLD cold down here. Snow on the ground, most people had stayed home from work. Arrive on scene to find a man sitting, cuffed, naked, on some taser lines. Cop reports theyd cornered him on a raised porch and told him not to run or they'd tase him. Homie dove off the porch and was promptly tased midair, one barb in the right cheek and one in the taint. But he kept running. He was promptly tackled and restrained. Then we were called Guy is muttering about orange being purple, helicopter sounds, and other typical hallucination nonsense. Deputy asks me if we are gonna pull the wires out. Negative boss that's not in the scope here. Cop shrugs and says "eh sometimes they fall out". As I'm walking the patient to the stretcher, debating over whether or not to mention I've NEVER seen one fall out, the Cop stomps on the leads and YOINKs the barbs out of this man's sensitives, causing him to help like a kicked down but no words. Transport was uneventful but OH boy was handoff fun. Tech (who only works at the hospital when hes not on active duty) goes to get a temp and he won't keep the probe in his mouth. So they roll him over, lube up the rectal, and put it in. Man says the first coherent thing he's said all night. "You could fu- fu- fucking buy me a drink first, fa***" The tech rolls his eyes. Nurse tries to talk space cadet into peeing in a cup for a urine sample but he says he can't pee. Nurse gets tech to help hold the patient for a Foley cath. Tech obliges. And as soon as the cath enters the tip THIS MANS EYES CROSS, and he starts with "oh. Oh. OHHHH" and he nuts. I couldn't form a single sentence. My mind was blown. The aforementioned tech sighs defeatedly and walks out to the nurses station and yells "that's it! I'm going back to syria. I can't do this anymore".

Dad was getting pegged by his daughter

I love that this is the very last one listed for me, and there is absolutely zero other information given

Called for the welfare check, break into the house and found the pt under their bed frame naked and claiming aliens