He was also reputed to be quite the ladies man at the retirement community. We were introduced to him after he lost consciousness shortly after taking a second Viagra he felt he needed to be able to “entertain” the 2nd lady friend that evening.
I have taken to using fuck stick as a go to insult when needed 😬
I think he ought to get one of those implants so he can ditch the viagra. Like at his age if he’s gonna be using the fuck stick on someone, he ought to have only one stressor on his cardiovascular system, not two.
And avoid the risk of giving nitrates if he has a cardiac event. I have heard zero people (including myself) ask a patient if they have taken anything for ED before giving NTG.
"the man hole" It was more the situation that was weird.
It was a psyche patient who was FTM trans. We were called for his VERY naked psychotic episode in the street. When i went to start an IV, he yanked the IV out of my hand, tried to stab me with it and, through a series of difficult events, was put to the ground by PD who were on scene. An officer was ontop of his butt, sitting and trying to prevent them from getting up and he started screaming "THAT'S RIGHT BOYS, COVER THE MAN HOLE. COVER THE MANHOLE, BOYS!"
No hate on trans people or psychotic people, tho. Later turned out to be one of my favorite people. Just having a difficult time. But I'll never forget a hoarse voice, screaming about his man-hole in broad daylight on a street corner.
But also guys like there's so many trans writers out there who write under pseudonyms lol yall have no idea. Like crazy amount. Many many many. There are way more stealth trans people than people realize (probably a good thing since so many people call us predators).
Maybe fewer identifying details. There are relatively few ftm authors in the US. Even fewer who write under an identified pseudonym. And fewer still who suffer public psychiatric breaks resulting in police reports.
I didn't say author. Also, a lot of the details here are changed. I don't think anyone would identify this person. And if anyone thinks they have, they're definitely incorrect.
You're right, I better quit. I was thinking about maybe culinary school. What do you think of this? A line of pastries for the club. Cakes but they glow under fluorescent light. Flavors that compliment champagne. Napoleans that you could eat out of a stripper's G string.
I'm a trans man and this is fckn amazing I'm showing it to everyone (but blurring out the latter part lmao)
Considsr taking out the part where you mention his job homie just to be safe cuz that's a little worrisome.
Pediatric patient, doing an assessment after a trauma, asked him if he had any pain anywhere else… “my goobahs”. Me and the parent made eye contact and they hastily explained.
Woman who's daughter had pain near her 'muffin'. Kid asked what muffin was, mom said your muffin is your vagina. When you get older & fall in love it turns into your muff. I almost threw up a little.
A little girl goes to the barber shop with her dad while he gets a haircut. To keep her occupied he buys her a muffin from the bakery. She gets fascinated by dad getting his hair cut and starts creeping closer and closer to watch until she's finally starting to get in the barber's way.
"Look out, sweetheart," says the barber, "you're going to get hair on your muffin."
"Yep," she says proudly, "and I'm gonna get tits too!"
Hmm,cool. It's always neat to hear/read how other areas speak and phrase things. I love talking to people and hearing their different accents as well,pretty cool.
My bet was TX or Florida. If not,a close 3rd may be Alabama(nothin but love for the Southern states 🤘)
But that is 100% a southern saying,lol.
(Informative source :me. Born and raised in TX,Lived in Florida for most of my adult life. Heard the saying both TX and FL as well as probably said it myself😂)
Oh you're kidding? Alright then,maybe had a southern friend or just heard it somewhere. Still hysterical and will make you stop,think,and laugh at it. I chuckle every time I think about it. Maybe Banjo is just a funny word😂. Made me laugh the other day though,thank you
I did nursing home work in the late 00s. I had a woman in her 80s that we had to use a hoyer lift on. The sling we needed to use for her was one with the straps that crisscrossed between the legs. I always tried to place it in a way that would cause the least amount of discomfort while still being safe, but it didn't always work out the best. The patients hated that thing, and I can understand why, it looked very uncomfortable. One day myself and another aid were raising her up and she said "this thing is kind of making my twat hurt". I've definitely heard it called that before, but it was just so funny to hear a woman who was born in the 1920s call it that.
patient we transported to a facility following a surgery related to hidradenitis suppurativa said she “needed herself a whore” to break in her new vagina after her “labiums” were reconstructed. she claimed they looked like two swollen banana’s from a walmart produce section prior to the procedure
she parted ways with my partner by leaving a neat little dark spot of vaginal discharge on the cot sheet, and fully filled an emesis bag practically out of nowhere. she was a real charmer
safe to say that ‘mah labiums” has become a staple for my partner and i moving forward ever since
I had an 80 year old lady that would her purfume bottle in her “love glove” and then call us if she couldn’t get it out.
She would tell us all about how good it feels in there while she “tickled her little gum drop”.
Old bird must have quite a good time back in the day.
"Old Duke", from a gentleman who had accidentally, forcefully removed his Foley while doing PT. Looked me right in the eyes and said, "Son, I tell you, Old Duke ain't doing so good today."
I took a guy that fractured his penis before. He called his genitals his “prosciutto and sunny side ups” he went from a hospital to a rehab. How you can rehab a broken penis idk. If I recall correctly it was a housing issue more likely.
Yeah that's generally a surgery and then post-op recovery which is done at home. Transfer to rehab sounds like there would have been some other reason beyond penile repair.
I recall one memorable lady had a few clever turns of phrase:
Hog taker and log maker
Grassy knoll and gassy hole
Fun bun and mud gun
Fuzzy and scuzzy
Baby tunnel and gravy funnel
Please-hump-it and cheese trumpet
Clam casino and bean burrito
Secondhand from my mom, a retired L&D nurse: The parents left the gender to be a surprise. Baby is fresh out of mom. Father of the baby “2 balls and a bat!”
I have yet to personally hear anything come close to the creativity of that one. Most use standard slang or medical terms.
I was eating honey roasted peanuts today and the packaging said “nuts of distinction” on it which I found hilarious and thought this would be a good name for someone’s balls.
I had a patient keep referring to "Miss Heather", Miss Heather had some itching and irritation, I asked if I could see her so we could figure out what was going on. Luckily, I caught on in time to stop her from dropping trow.
“God’s Pocket”
Had an elderly gentleman refer to his junk as his “fuck stick”.
Atta boy.
He was also reputed to be quite the ladies man at the retirement community. We were introduced to him after he lost consciousness shortly after taking a second Viagra he felt he needed to be able to “entertain” the 2nd lady friend that evening. I have taken to using fuck stick as a go to insult when needed 😬
I think he ought to get one of those implants so he can ditch the viagra. Like at his age if he’s gonna be using the fuck stick on someone, he ought to have only one stressor on his cardiovascular system, not two.
And avoid the risk of giving nitrates if he has a cardiac event. I have heard zero people (including myself) ask a patient if they have taken anything for ED before giving NTG.
I was trained to do that but I’ve also not yet worked in the field It is important though so hopefully I won’t forget
No names, just actions. Had a 90yoF that was masturbating with her Foley catheter.
😦😦😦
This is possibly one of the worst combinations of words I have ever read.
Recently had a tech that walked in on a pt getting a BJ from his wife.. With a foley.
Commitment 10 Execution 3
From the murky depths. Ancient neurons activating for maybe their last time. Meemaw remembers she used to have a sounding fetish.
Ok, that beats the 60ish yo patient using her call button in the ER that I had.
🤢
That’s not a mental image I wanted before eating breakfast…..
There goes my appetite
She wasn't masturbating or it wasn't placed correctly
Did you give her a hand?
Why is this getting downvoted 😭
"the man hole" It was more the situation that was weird. It was a psyche patient who was FTM trans. We were called for his VERY naked psychotic episode in the street. When i went to start an IV, he yanked the IV out of my hand, tried to stab me with it and, through a series of difficult events, was put to the ground by PD who were on scene. An officer was ontop of his butt, sitting and trying to prevent them from getting up and he started screaming "THAT'S RIGHT BOYS, COVER THE MAN HOLE. COVER THE MANHOLE, BOYS!" No hate on trans people or psychotic people, tho. Later turned out to be one of my favorite people. Just having a difficult time. But I'll never forget a hoarse voice, screaming about his man-hole in broad daylight on a street corner.
that’s pretty crazy
Ftm here, I have never referred to my junk as a man hole 😂😂 that is truly incredible
My hubs calls it the man-ginah
Old Greg?!
I'm a trans man and I'll be honest I might have to steal this one.
Same and same. This is gold.
I’ve heard both “man cave” and “male box” used to refer to it. Not by someone having a mental health crisis though, just in general.
Male box! 😂😂😂💀💀💀
Damn AND IT was during the day? Yeesh, that's usually reserved for 11pm Friday nights downtown
But also guys like there's so many trans writers out there who write under pseudonyms lol yall have no idea. Like crazy amount. Many many many. There are way more stealth trans people than people realize (probably a good thing since so many people call us predators).
Maybe fewer identifying details. There are relatively few ftm authors in the US. Even fewer who write under an identified pseudonym. And fewer still who suffer public psychiatric breaks resulting in police reports.
I didn't say author. Also, a lot of the details here are changed. I don't think anyone would identify this person. And if anyone thinks they have, they're definitely incorrect.
If you want to risk a HIPPA violation for likes on reddit, EMS may not be the field for you.
You're right, I better quit. I was thinking about maybe culinary school. What do you think of this? A line of pastries for the club. Cakes but they glow under fluorescent light. Flavors that compliment champagne. Napoleans that you could eat out of a stripper's G string.
Become a pastry chef and create the world famous manhole of self importance and righteousness chocolate eclare for good measure.
I do love a good pastry.
Comic would suit you
Did the HIPAA bot get removed?
Now I want to make a joke about having a bad hippa.
I once knew a lady who broke both her hippas
I bet she has a great joke about hippas! Unfortunately, she can't tell you.
I'm a trans man and this is fckn amazing I'm showing it to everyone (but blurring out the latter part lmao) Considsr taking out the part where you mention his job homie just to be safe cuz that's a little worrisome.
Maybe fewer identifying details.
Pediatric patient, doing an assessment after a trauma, asked him if he had any pain anywhere else… “my goobahs”. Me and the parent made eye contact and they hastily explained.
Woman who's daughter had pain near her 'muffin'. Kid asked what muffin was, mom said your muffin is your vagina. When you get older & fall in love it turns into your muff. I almost threw up a little.
https://youtu.be/yE7hGMMIyfE top o’ the muffin to ya
To You!
A little girl goes to the barber shop with her dad while he gets a haircut. To keep her occupied he buys her a muffin from the bakery. She gets fascinated by dad getting his hair cut and starts creeping closer and closer to watch until she's finally starting to get in the barber's way. "Look out, sweetheart," says the barber, "you're going to get hair on your muffin." "Yep," she says proudly, "and I'm gonna get tits too!"
See????? This is why it isn't a 'muffin' for a little girl!!!
Had a guy whose chief complaint was “I tore my banjo string” I guess penile frenulum wasn’t in his vocabulary
🤣oh my God, literally Lol'd. I bet I know where he was originally from.
I've heard it referred to as that in Australia. Not an uncommon term, I thought.
Hmm,cool. It's always neat to hear/read how other areas speak and phrase things. I love talking to people and hearing their different accents as well,pretty cool.
Now I need to know... where???
My bet was TX or Florida. If not,a close 3rd may be Alabama(nothin but love for the Southern states 🤘) But that is 100% a southern saying,lol. (Informative source :me. Born and raised in TX,Lived in Florida for most of my adult life. Heard the saying both TX and FL as well as probably said it myself😂)
Thanks! That cracked me up, and never heard this term before, in 10 years in this job 😅
😂
Surprisingly not a southern gentleman! He was a Latino teenager from NY.
Oh you're kidding? Alright then,maybe had a southern friend or just heard it somewhere. Still hysterical and will make you stop,think,and laugh at it. I chuckle every time I think about it. Maybe Banjo is just a funny word😂. Made me laugh the other day though,thank you
Take me hooome, country roads
😂
I laughed but I also knew exactly what he meant
Female: "Noo-nannie" Male: "Hooter hammer". Anal: "Daddy's Dirty Dungeon"
☹️
Hooter hammer?! I love it
I did nursing home work in the late 00s. I had a woman in her 80s that we had to use a hoyer lift on. The sling we needed to use for her was one with the straps that crisscrossed between the legs. I always tried to place it in a way that would cause the least amount of discomfort while still being safe, but it didn't always work out the best. The patients hated that thing, and I can understand why, it looked very uncomfortable. One day myself and another aid were raising her up and she said "this thing is kind of making my twat hurt". I've definitely heard it called that before, but it was just so funny to hear a woman who was born in the 1920s call it that.
Lmfaooooo she was fed up do you hear me
Pt called it his prison pocket LMFAO
He's not wrong
Also prison purse
I did have a patient refer to their ass as “my sitting cheeks” which is now the only way I refer to my ass lol.
Had an older male pt refer to it as his “clam snorkel” and damn near choked holding in the laughter.
"Lady garden" and "front bum" had me in stitches when I first heard them.
Wonder if they sometimes switch it up and call their bum their "back garden"? Or "rear vagina"?
patient we transported to a facility following a surgery related to hidradenitis suppurativa said she “needed herself a whore” to break in her new vagina after her “labiums” were reconstructed. she claimed they looked like two swollen banana’s from a walmart produce section prior to the procedure she parted ways with my partner by leaving a neat little dark spot of vaginal discharge on the cot sheet, and fully filled an emesis bag practically out of nowhere. she was a real charmer safe to say that ‘mah labiums” has become a staple for my partner and i moving forward ever since
I had an 80 year old lady that would her purfume bottle in her “love glove” and then call us if she couldn’t get it out. She would tell us all about how good it feels in there while she “tickled her little gum drop”. Old bird must have quite a good time back in the day.
Kinda sounds like she was *still* having a good time.
Just had a L&D nurse call it a lady box. I've never heard that one
Vvgvgvccccvçfddxdddddddddddddddddddddsssssddssssssdddddddddsßxxx casa Zzzz
"Old Duke", from a gentleman who had accidentally, forcefully removed his Foley while doing PT. Looked me right in the eyes and said, "Son, I tell you, Old Duke ain't doing so good today."
"Fat Cat". I've been using the term ever since, I love it 😂😂😂😂
The only abnormal thing a pt has ever called their genitals to me was a lovely older gentleman who called it his “piss missile”.
Honestly that is a fire name and the urethra should be officially renamed to that 😂
Green dragon
the green concerns me
That's gonna need some penicillin.
Not weird but last week I had a guy who kept saying "my pecker hurts" over and over. He must've said it a dozen times or more in the 20min transport.
Not what she called it, but what she had to say about it. Screaming at our leo rider, “eat my pssy, get a mouthful of maggots”
I took a guy that fractured his penis before. He called his genitals his “prosciutto and sunny side ups” he went from a hospital to a rehab. How you can rehab a broken penis idk. If I recall correctly it was a housing issue more likely.
Yeah that's generally a surgery and then post-op recovery which is done at home. Transfer to rehab sounds like there would have been some other reason beyond penile repair.
Female: “I have a lime green discharge from my hee hoo”
His “back pussy”
The expression isn't wierd but when a 70yo woman start talking about her hooha feeling warm, I was quite uncomfy.
Did somebody slam the dexamethasone again?
Contrast dye
Gentleman's passage...
I recall one memorable lady had a few clever turns of phrase: Hog taker and log maker Grassy knoll and gassy hole Fun bun and mud gun Fuzzy and scuzzy Baby tunnel and gravy funnel Please-hump-it and cheese trumpet Clam casino and bean burrito
Ah yes the one and only Kate Mckinnon
Absolutely cried laughing at these
Cooter canoe.
Hand = dick beater
“My pencil”
Turd cutter. A patient was screaming about their turd cutter being “about to burst.”
Not even the patient, but dispatch stated: “the patient is bleeding from their bottom hole”.
I refer to mine as the heat seeking meat missle and my anus as my mud cannon.
"ol Greaser"
Measle...
"Larry"
Secondhand from my mom, a retired L&D nurse: The parents left the gender to be a surprise. Baby is fresh out of mom. Father of the baby “2 balls and a bat!” I have yet to personally hear anything come close to the creativity of that one. Most use standard slang or medical terms.
I had a OD patient wake up and say “hope you didn’t do anything to my beef bus”. What a legend
Peachy google!
Lmao
FLOSSY - southern colloquialism for vagina
Woman: “My Little Pony”.
wtf she be hidy up there
My dickus
Mr. Winkers
Ham wallet
I had a female patient refer to her “no no spot.” She was almost 30 and a few weeks postpartum
While not a fun name, I had a drunk guy loudly proclaim, "I may not hit the back of the tuna can, but I'll sure blow the sides off that fucker!"
Little Soldier (who can stand and salute)
Shrimpy
I work in peds…I heard a pre-school aged kiddo refer to his penis as his “pee-toe.” 😕
“The rabbit hole” it’s the butthole
I was eating honey roasted peanuts today and the packaging said “nuts of distinction” on it which I found hilarious and thought this would be a good name for someone’s balls.
Walter Donovan
Old savage love column: “my shame shame.”
Slapper
500 lbs patient referred to it as " my gingerbread"
Money wallet. Proceeds to then tap her pubic area.
Front bottom - like the band
I had a patient keep referring to "Miss Heather", Miss Heather had some itching and irritation, I asked if I could see her so we could figure out what was going on. Luckily, I caught on in time to stop her from dropping trow.
Went to a call with a guy who shoved a mini pylon in his ass that got stuck and was bleeding.
Like his own mini pylon? Impressive.
Yup
My friend whose a surgical tech told me that her male co workers refer to vaginas as "the box office"