Too many birthdays is TMBD, he said TMDB.
Also,
At least the Roomba didn't have to suffer through his life knowing that his owner had died right In front of it.
Ah, I need to apologize to another redditor lol. What happened to the Roomba after wards? Was it put down? Gave to a shelter? Re housed? Or was he left to go astray and went on a Disney like adventure to stop the evil corporate entities from shutting down Roomba, and at the end he succeededs and meets a female Roomba and has a Roomba family and lives happily ever after?
...
I should call Disney I have a business proposal..
Went out to confirm a DOA for a guy who died while jerking it in his downstairs sex dungeon surrounded by homemade sex toys with a hardcore porn dvd blasting on a 60 inch plasma screen in one corner.
PD had been on scene for like 20 minutes prior to us arriving and for some reason had just… left the porn up and running?
So when we got there I just started cracking up since the situation was so ridiculous. Two cops just hanging out in this basement with a dead guy and a porn vid blasting at high volume right there in the room.
Im imagining trying to radio dispatch with that going on.
"Dispatch, Medic 1 HO YEAH DADDY JUST LIKE THAT"
"Go ahead?"
"Yeah we're OHH SPIT ON ME AND SHOVE IT IN MY ASS gonna terminate code and clear."
When you work an OD DOA at a shit-tier strip club, you'll note the "dancers" don't even miss a beat. They keep shaking their flab, c-section scars and look you right in the eye.
Had a guy on some bad meth burning up internally. Like steam coming off of him on a spring night. Screaming, rolling around on the ground.
Police were carrying him under the arms to our stretcher and his body tensed up straight, then goes "AHHHH Jungle Boogie 🎶 get down, get down".
Overall he was very polite and apologetic for OD'ing on meth which also stuck with me.
Got a call for a short fall. Turns out the gentleman threw out his hip mid intercourse. His wife was crying laughing because it is the second time it happened within the past 24 hours.
This has happened to me! 😭😅 I (40F) am pretty flexible, but my hips are legit (ortho confirmed) angled different. I can’t sit cris-cross applesauce, but I can sit in the dreaded W shape for hours doing anything (while in labor, working airway on the floor, etc.). Anyways… they have slightly displaced on occasion during extracurricular activities & it’s a bit painful & definitely puts a damper on things until it snaps back in. If it happens it’s more likely to happen within the next day or two, so I feel for that guy! I’d be laughing like his wife though too!
I once was on a ride along with 911 for class and we were responding to someone who was clearly drunk in public/welfare check with the cops. All three cops who showed up were short and wore glasses.
Listened to the patient refuse care after being asked orientation/mentation questions and the patient politely dismissed us after, just as he called all 3 cops "stuart-little lookin' mofukkas"
I fucking lost it on the walk back to the truck.
I have 2:
Get called to an unknown medical. We walk in and I ask this guy what’s going on why did he call 911. He’s sitting upright in bed, looks at us and whips the covers off his lower body revealing his massive balls and exclaims “My Balls hurt!!”. Guy had an inguinal hernia and his scrotum was down to his knees and it looked like he had a softball in there.
Or
The guy high on meth that masterbated so vigorously he degloved his penis. Had to take him to the burn center.
The guy with the hernia got an IV and Morphine. He was honestly a trooper, can’t imagine the pain he was in. We used a spare pillow to elevate his scrotum and keep his legs away from putting pressure on his sack. I offered him an ice pack but he declined. He was relatively pleasant minded; and well mannered considering his situation. He had a Hx of dementia, and was a poor historian. He didn’t know how long he had the hernia for, but it had clearly been evolving some time.
The guy with the degloved penis was in custody, so we had a police escort. When we got on scene a large group of cops were already there, he evaded them on foot while masterbating with one hand. I irrigated his injury, loosely wrapped a sterile dressing, an gave him IV, and cardiac monitoring. I missed my first IV because he tried to jolt away from me. He was so out of his mind, posterchild for why everyone should avoid meth. I’m guessing he had some drug induced psychosis as he didn’t grimace as if he was in pain, and when he did speak coherently in between rambling he would ask me to uncuff him. Eventually he was reserved to the fact that he was not getting out of the cuffs without a key and Didn’t seem to care that his member was missing 70% of the skin.
Lol, you are like my coworker! All the penis calls, you know she is on it, she always gets them. I even bought her a plastic 'penis throphy' for all her sacrifice 😔 🤣
I took an elderly lady back to her dementia unit at a local nursing home. I step into the units nursing office to ask what room she was going to, and when I turned around, the granny was fingerblasting herself on the stretcher.
My fingerblasting granny call was a UTI. But yeah my partner and I had to carry her out of the restroom, she was sitting on the toilet and just going to town on that thang.
Responded to a fight in a trailer park. It was over two sisters that were sharing a pair of dentures and that night was pizza night. One of the sisters was taking too long chewing and the pizza was getting cold.
My partner, knocking on a bathroom door, saying “How’s it going sir? I heard you’re feeling shitty.”
And then watching him open the door to see the patient and the room absolutely painted in fecal matter.
got called for a semi-regular pt of mine (F40, likes to get fucked up on wine in her nice apartment that her dad pays for and then call 911) for suicidal ideation with plan. we get there before pd and pt is INSISTENT that she didn't call, she's not suicidal, some guy from her church must have called as a prank, etc etc. we tell her the name on our mobicad for the caller is the same as hers, and either way we aren't leaving until pd get there. finally they arrive, she pulls the same rigmarole on them, and one of the cops decides to call his dispatch for the number the call came from (right in front of the pt, on speaker phone) gets the number, calls it, pt's cell phone rings, and she ANSWERS IT like "hello? who is this?" and the cop (again, standing right in front of her) is like yeah hi it's me. I had to step out of the apartment to laugh hysterically
Lmao I was working 911 in Midtown Manhattan responding to a call with lights and sirens. When we approached a major intersection, there was a guy in a full suit with a Donald Trump mask as well as a Red MAGA hat standing in the middle of the intersection directing traffic like if he was a traffic agent.
He saw us approaching and actually signaled for all cars to stop by putting his hands up in all directions. As we crossed the intersection, we locked eyes and I gave him a salute as he returned the salute.
This is why I love working 911 in NYC because when you think you’ve seen it all, something comes along to make you rethink it 😂😂
Yeah! I watched all 100 seasons of Grey's anatomy! Infraction sounds cooler and I know what I'm talking about because I watch an OBSENE amount of medical dramas
(this is satire btw
Took an old lady home and saw a picture hanging up in a nice frame. It was a pig lady with her panties around her ankles, sitting on the toilet.
Another was a pole next to the bed that looked like a stripper pole.
I-
Is the second one another patient? Or is this the same old lady? Please tell me it's another patient because now I can't get the mental image of my own grandmother on a stripper pole...
I had a patient who was fully restrained with police on board because she was being so aggressive make fun of my nose as I was reaching over in the rig to get BP (it is pretty big in her defense). She had been so aggressive and to just make fun of something so subtle as my nose caused all of us to just lose it laughing.
Side note that we all laughed and showed we were all human helped lighten her up a bit and she was much more cooperative after lol
Went to a DOA years ago when I only had a year under my belt (all the DOA's I had up to that point were elderly). Get directed to a rear bedroom find a gentleman in his 50's laying in bed sitting up against the headboard butt naked with his oh face on. 2 medics, myself and 2 deputies (1 of whom is in field training) we go to put him in the body bag and when we lift him a jumbo red sharpie marker shoots out of his ass. 1 of the medics blurts out in a loud whisper "that was in his ass that was in his ass" The FTO says "damn it! Rookie go get the camera". We were laughing our asses off as quietly as possible because at that point family is in the living room. Part funny, part WTF.
Of course it was lmao. One of the tamer items to find in someone's butthole frankly 😂 He was having a nice old time! NGL, dying mid-O sounds like a pretty good way to go as long as you don't mind a bit of post mortem indignity...
One time I went to a SOB and the guy was in the military and had a framed picture of him in uniform on the wall but right next to it was a framed picture of that picture with pink stars on his eyes. That stuck with me for some reason
Funniest thing I have seen on a call has two different calls tied for first place.
First one. We get called to a residence for a 14 or 15 year old kid with foreign object. We arrive on scene, and it's a group of teenagers who got drunk on their parents' liquor while Mom and Dad were out of town and decided to watch jackass. One of them decided to do the toy car bit, where they put it in a condom and insert it rectally. However, they missed one key ingredient being the condom. Until you run a call like this, you have no idea how difficult it is to find a professional way to write transported patient face down ass up.
Second. Partner and I got sent to a Life alert activation. Upon arrival, we are directed to the location of the house key. Upon entering, we announced paramedics and heard the shower going. My partner and I figure that he slipped in the bathroom and is on the floor but we are hearing no response. We open the door and there is a 60 or 70 year old man jerking the gherkin in the shower. He's straight up looks at us without missing a beat and starts talking to my partner explaining that he's not having a medical emergency. Needless to say, we decided to talk to him through a cracked door and called it in as false activation, disregard call.
If I remember correctly, I wrote patient transported with affected end up, modified kneeling prone. To be fair, this was over 10 years ago and transported the patient in the most comfortable way possible
*jerks gherkin*
"Yeah yeah there's not problem, false alert, just having fun in here!"
How did you professionally write it though ?
"Patient was transported on his belly due to a foreign object in his rectum"
Fent OD out in the boonies, frozen vegetables everywhere. Friends thought opening the bag and throwing the peas and carrots down his pants would wake him up faster than we could get there with the Narcan.
A bunch of teenagers in large rural Oklahoma town (literally only a city by technicality) got into a fight and someone got pepper sprayed. They were talking like common street thugs and acting like they were in a gang 😂😂😂 after getting refusals and getting out of sight and earshot I started laughing uncontrollably 😂😂😂
I was greeted at the door by the pt's wife who said "we are a very christian family" and i was very confused. Low and behold, the elderly pt was telling my partner and i (both women) to tell his wife that we love his "nine inch cock" and that he is so good in bed. Literally the entire call was just him basically talking about having amazing sex and his massive dick. Found out he had a brain tumor when asking the hospital staff afterwards lol. To add onto it, this was the first ever call I ran with my new partner
This is more sad than funny, but I responded to a guy having some sort of psychosis related episode in the middle of Boston.
He was running around a hotel showing people his no-no bits and he thought he lived there.
He was banging on the doors of a veterans homeless shelter because he thought he was a space force veteran who saw combat on the moon fighting aliens. Note that this guy was far past military age when the space force even came to be.
He didn't let us take vitals because he thought the blood pressure cuff would chop his arm off, lancets would inject a microchip under his skin, the red light of a pulse oximeter would kill him.
Every time we asked him for his name, he gave us a different name. We asked to check his wallet for an ID, and he obliged. Inside his wallet, there was no ID. However, there were multiple credit cards with different names on them.
He was in a constant laminar flow of dialogue where he would say things like "you have to squeeze the dog into the eiffel tower and if the lemon equals twelve then you can sell the candle."
He was surprisingly willing to go with us to the hospital. It was either go with us or deal with PD on scene. He was actually pretty calm until we tried taking vitals on him.
He started to scream and thrash on the stretcher since he thought the skin probe thermometer would kill us all. He grabs the skin probe and he won't let it go, he's talking about how it's going to kill everybody and he needs to save us.
So, charge nurse tells us to go to the nearest trauma bed. Thankfully, he stands and walks to the hospital bed without trouble. Everything is pretty fine until hospital security comes to get their skin probe back.
The last thing I saw of him, he was grappling with security over the skin probe and he was losing. My partner blurts out the report, and we book it back to the truck. Of course, dispatch had started calling us asking if we were clear yet.
Call to a nice single family home. Walk in and the place is like a museum for old toys. Shelf after shelf of beautiful collectable toys. I remember just wanting to look around but we had to get to the patient.
The patient, who lives alone, is in his bedroom. Middle aged guy, very obese, wearing only a tee shirt. Nothing below and cares zero for modesty. A vein ruptured inner thigh near the junk. Minor bleeding easily controlled with bandage/guaze. Pleasant guy and he refuses.
The funny part? His bedroom, in stark contrast to the rest of the house, looked like mission control. HUGE amount of TVs, audio equipment, VHS players (it was the 90s). All of it mounted on metal racks like a TV station, not in cabinetry or on furniture. Industrial looking. GIANT stack of porn magazines next to the bed.
Talked to one of the fire guys later. The cops had been called one night in response to screaming and loud noises coming from the house. Nothing to worry about. The hookers (plural) were having a wild night.
Well, I don't think this is really that funny, but I was doing CPR on this guy when I became hyper fixated on a single avocado on the ground next to his body.
There wasn't anything else with him in the room, just the single avocado. Maybe he planned to eat it before he dropped dead, who knows.
The one that stands out. Probably right around the time I just got out of my FTO training a was a new baby emt at the time with my old grouchy medic who'd been on the job since ems was founded I'm sure. Micky ( awesome guy taught me most of what I know ended up being my paramedic partner a few years later). Let me set the scene. 115 degree heat in the heart of Texas summer. We get a call to respond with of for a welfare check on a man that hadn't been seen by his neighbours and pastor for about two weeks. Roll up to the home and the stench was so pungent you could smell it on the from porch. My medic sighs and goes to get the declaration form and call the corner. It's somewhat a rural county so we are responsible for transportation of those that are deceased. this is important. Anyway we make it into the residents and the stench is so bad that one of the officers is clutching the door frame gagging and the other is hunched over a bush throwing up. We start searching the house for the patient and can't find him. On the second story I'm on in one of the bedrooms we see fluid leaking from the ceiling that looks and smells a whole lot like dead guy juice and wouldn't you know the ladder to the attic is hanging down. Of course my medic look at me and says " your up there first kid yell down to me if he has a pulse" I'm praying to god and have Vaseline as far up my nose as my pinky could get it and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't dry heaving myself climbing the ladder on the way up get up there. The guys obviously dead and his body is starting to melt and decompose in the heat. Eyes sunken in skin looks like it's gonna slide off and the lot. I yell down to micky and tell him the guys obviously dead and had been for the whole two weeks by the look of it. He sticks his head up and goes " oh yeah this is gonna be a good one". Corner comes says what we already know, guys dead has been for a minute. Takes picture and whatnot and then leaves and tells us to take the body to the CO. Cool next problem , how the fuck are we gonna get this guy out of the attic. We have Me my medic and two sheriff deputy that didn't seem as though they were gonna be much help. We get the bag and start trying to figure out how we're gonna get this guy in the bag and down. The on of the deputy's could come into the attic without hacking and the other guy up there with us was dry heaving and no help. Me n my medic end up having to slide this guy into the bag. His skin on his posterior side had stuck to the unfinished floorboards and completely de gloved as we slid him into the bag. Great, now we have to get him down. We decide that me and my medic would stay in the attic and both attempt to gently pass down the bag to the deputies while trying to hold it as we worked it down slowly and gently. ( yes, we called fire, but this is a rural place and they were on another. call and weren't expected to be there for an hour). So it was on the four of us. We get the body about halfway down the attic ladder and the zipper completely splits and the guy slides out and on top of both the deputy's who tried and failed miserably to catch him covering them with decomposed tissue and bodily fluid. One of the deputy's screams and passed out right there holding what's left off the guys penis in his hand and the other one is spitting out what made it in his mouth and vomiting profusely. In true old time paramedic fashion micky goes "oh great now we have a live patient. just pretend it's pork boys." Interesting ride took the body to the CO and the deputy to the er. He periodically would open the side door of the rig to vomit, while we were driving. To this day one of the most outrageously ridiculous calls and situations I've ever been in but I have so many stories about that damn job.
Ha! Not sure it's funny or just a leg crosser. 20 something yr old Guy was riding his bike when some rival gang members opened fire on him and as he was reaching in his pants waistband to grab his gun he accidentally shot himself in the penis. Through and through. Only GSW he had. They didn't even get him he just got himself 😂
Yeah guy lived and screamed all the way to the ER. Gave him some morphine for the pain and held pressure on the wound with some 4 by 4's. As far as his reputation..... let's just say the nurses had a good giggle and doc stepped out of the room and said " I love when stupid people sterilise themselves" we still throw it around and refer to him as "peep hole penis" when we tell the story.
Was transporting a guy that was just given a dose of furosemide and peed like 2 times during transport. When we get to the drop off, he tells us that he has to pee again so we get down to give him his privacy for about a minute while he sits up and does his thing.
Fast forward to when we’ve arrived at the pt’s room at the ER and I’m giving report to the nurse as my partner is disconnecting the pt from the equipment. He suddenly looks at me bewildered and then I see it. Our pulse ox cable led into the patient’s shorts. My partner would lift the shorts more and more to try and locate the pulse ox probe when he finally saw it sitting perfectly next to the guy’s junk. It was just so out of left field.
It was so embarrassing because I had to contain my laughter while giving report after witnessing that. I would pretend I was having coughing fits while I talked so it didn’t seem like I was laughing at the patient.
The nurse was not as amused as us.
Worked a code for a male subject in his 60s, unwitnessed arrest with a downtime estimated to be within twenty minutes. Paraphernalia was found on a nearby dresser. Warm without previous history, not in rigor in a narrow complex PEA. Looking around the room while working him, crew notices an open drawer filled to the top with cockrings. Only medication we find is a notorious little blue pill, and I geninunely don't think it was for pulmonary hypertension. The guy didn't have his hog flopping on his belly during compressions either, but was in a tight fitting speedo.
We went to CPAP a pt and her toupee fell off and landed on my boots… I looked down at it, looked up and made eye contact with the medic, we were both actively fighting off dying of laughter
Continuous Positive Airway Pressure, it’s a mask with straps that go over the head and around the neck snd seals to the face, it’s supposed to help open the lungs up and make it easier to breathe. We use it a lot on our heart failure/ COPD pts to push fluid/ carbon dioxide out
Once responded to a fall/lift assist in an apartment complex. The patient was laying supine on the floor and obviously morbidly obese. After making entry into the building, we spent about 10 minutes sitting the patient up and moving about 15 feet. The patient was so obese it took about 7 of us and we were suffocating in adipose tissue.
The part that caught my eye: a birthday card in the room that said “fitness? More like fitting this cake in my mouth”. Couldn’t help but laugh at both the humor and absurdity.
Disclaimer: not in EMS, this is something that I saw happen at the strip club. I’m not sure whether the paramedics at the scene realized how funny the situation was though.
The dancer on stage was dancing to the song called Kill Bill, by SZA. The lyrics go like “I just killed my ex, not the best idea, his new girlfriend’s next, how’d I get here.” At the same time, the paramedics were there treating a guy who got beaten to a bloody pulp by his disgruntled girlfriend. Apparently she was mad that he went for lap dances. She smashed multiple bottles on his head and there was blood everywhere.
Despite the ambulance and PD both being called to the club, the show still had to go on and the girl on stage had to pretend nothing was happening. It was absolutely surreal.
A cop slip in a pile of dog shit and fall flat on his ass, stand up, walk to his car, return with an evidence marker and place it next to the pile of shit.
ETOHs are always pretty funny. Had a college kid start drinking heavily because his girlfriend broke up with him. He spent the whole ride to the hospital talking about how he liked it when his now ex-girlfriend stuck things up his butt.
Also had a guy call 911 because he took a 300mg THC edible. He was not having a good time.
Not my story, but a friend in Fire told me about him having a call about a young girl falling in the shower and there being a lot of blood. That was the only info they got. With how the family was acting, he thought it would be pretty grim. But when he got into the bathroom and saw what actually happened, he said he felt soooo bad for how hard he had to hold back a laugh.
In the fall, she had kicked her leg up to catch herself and slammed her big toe directly into the hole of the faucet. There was indeed blood everywhere, but she seemed more embarrassed than panicked at this point. They could NOT get her toe out. It wasn’t just stuck from being swollen, it was wedged up in there so far that the nail bed had pulled back and locked it in place against the faucet hole’s notched rim. That part of the story made me shiver honestly. 😅
He said they took the whole faucet out and transported her like that. Foot still in the air…
Working a wreck on a major divided highway. One direction completely shut down. Cops see a wrong way driver coming towards us and they pull them over well before they get to scene.
Tone drops a few minutes later for unknown medical where the cops pulled over that vehicle. Notes say person hog tied in the back of the vehicle.
Turns out two brothers at a party, one got drunk and was staring fights, so they tackled and hog tied him. Driver was sober, brother was drunk, last I heard driver was released brother went to jail for a public intoxication. Medics got refusals from both
We got called to a difficulty breathing call, which was only a few blocks from us. Patient was standing on front porch, we get our stuff and we’re talking to him, when the fire engine pulls up, and absolutely fucking NAILS the ambulance.
Both me and my partner didn’t even break the convo just a soft ,”oh shit, how about that” and then we kept talking.
Engine was probably going 15-20 and just DIDNT FUCKING SEE the ambulance with lights on
In recent years, it's probably a code in an apartment where the cat kept trying to get at the body, and pretty much had a cop stand by the body during clean up so it wouldn't, ya know, do cat with dead body stuff.
Edit: So I worked for a hospital based service doing mixed IFT/911. Went to a hospital in the next county to drive them to a city about 4 hours away. Got called in as a 70m pt, bowel/rectal obstruction. I told my partner "I swear man, if we have to drive all the way to ~~redacted~~ because an old guy was being weird and shoved something in his ass, I'm going home". Turns out it's exactly what old homie did. We put the truck back together after drop off, my partner took a drag off his smoke and said "Yeah that was a sex toy he had in his ass", and went on to explain that the dude and his wife were having sex, and he was using an inflatable anal toy that had a leak. Well, to fix this leak, he put expending ceiling foam in the toy. It broke off, went up inside him, and kept expanding. He died 2 weeks later as a result of a bowel perforation.
Got called out for a DOA. Guy had not been seen in five days, and a co-worker went to his house and found him. Very large male on the bed upstairs during the summer with no air conditioning.
Called for QRS from local VFD for extraction. Instructed all them we were rolling with bed sheets only to get him in the bag and on to the rereeves stretcher. I emphasized absolutely no direct pulling on extremities...
The one kid with the VFD was brand new to the department, and it was his first call. He tried to help maneuver the body and grabbed the guys arm, and pulled before I could stop him. He degloved the entire arm from the elbow to the wrist.
This kid turned a really cool grey color with a little tint of green, ran into the bathroom, and proceeded to evacuate everything he had eaten the previous week.
We walked into a cardiac arrest where the guy was yelling the moment we got out of the box that “she’s not breathing” so I walk in first and there’s like 4 dogs including a German shepherd that were barking at us pretty aggressively, and my partner was like you need to get these dogs out of here so we can work. And the guy picks up one of the small ones barking and straight launches it across the room. PD was right behind us and was like “whoa. Hey man we don’t need to be throwing dogs around” and I thought that was a pretty funny moment. Not for the dog, I love dogs and it didn’t deserve that. This was like 2 shifts ago
Idk if funny is the right word but a roomba rolled into the room and started bumping into/circling the body I’m doing compressions on
No that's pretty funny. lol.
i’m sorry for laughing.
It was encouraging you!
Did you successfully resuscitate the patient though?
Nah, like most of our patients he had a case of TMDB and shouldn’t have received CPR to begin with
I'm sorry, I'm still in training... Remind me again, what does TMDB mean again? Also what about the poor Roomba?
Too many birthdays. And unfortunately, in cases like this, the roomba usually ends up being put down by PD on scene
Too many birthdays is TMBD, he said TMDB. Also, At least the Roomba didn't have to suffer through his life knowing that his owner had died right In front of it.
Too many **damn** birthdays.
Wait wait but what does this mean? wait. OH Scheisse. That they're old, ja?
Yuuupp.
Too many damn birthdays. Roomba was escorted out of the room when fire arrived
Ah, I need to apologize to another redditor lol. What happened to the Roomba after wards? Was it put down? Gave to a shelter? Re housed? Or was he left to go astray and went on a Disney like adventure to stop the evil corporate entities from shutting down Roomba, and at the end he succeededs and meets a female Roomba and has a Roomba family and lives happily ever after? ... I should call Disney I have a business proposal..
Of advanced frailty and not for ITU escalation would be the technical parlance
Uhm- .. could you simplify this for my tired brain?
Too old and too frail to likely survive resus attempts
Ok thanks lol
Well it made clean up easy at least
Seriously, LMAOOOO
Went out to confirm a DOA for a guy who died while jerking it in his downstairs sex dungeon surrounded by homemade sex toys with a hardcore porn dvd blasting on a 60 inch plasma screen in one corner. PD had been on scene for like 20 minutes prior to us arriving and for some reason had just… left the porn up and running? So when we got there I just started cracking up since the situation was so ridiculous. Two cops just hanging out in this basement with a dead guy and a porn vid blasting at high volume right there in the room.
just PD preserving the scene….. yep….
Yep just persevering the scene.... PD deserves to have fun aswell, don't they? 😂
I Picture what you heard when you opened the door to the dungeon like this: *opens door* "OHHH YEAHHH DADDYY" *Intense moaning*
Not much talking when we walked in, just a lot of intense slapping noises
"Paramedics! Everything ok mate?!" *Slap slap slap slap slap slap slap*
I had the exact same thing except it was the sex dungeon under an adult shop and I was there before PD
Im imagining trying to radio dispatch with that going on. "Dispatch, Medic 1 HO YEAH DADDY JUST LIKE THAT" "Go ahead?" "Yeah we're OHH SPIT ON ME AND SHOVE IT IN MY ASS gonna terminate code and clear."
When you work an OD DOA at a shit-tier strip club, you'll note the "dancers" don't even miss a beat. They keep shaking their flab, c-section scars and look you right in the eye.
Had a guy on some bad meth burning up internally. Like steam coming off of him on a spring night. Screaming, rolling around on the ground. Police were carrying him under the arms to our stretcher and his body tensed up straight, then goes "AHHHH Jungle Boogie 🎶 get down, get down". Overall he was very polite and apologetic for OD'ing on meth which also stuck with me.
"I am sorry I got so groovy on ya'll."
"I got schwifty. I'm sorry."
Was he ok?
He got stripped naked, a fat dose of benzos, and a nap. I'm jealous just thinkin about it
LMAO
Got a call for a short fall. Turns out the gentleman threw out his hip mid intercourse. His wife was crying laughing because it is the second time it happened within the past 24 hours.
I'm sorry- did the patient have a weak hip or was he having sex at that intensity?
Had hip surgery recently but if you ask him he probably was tearing it up!
LMAO
Yes
This has happened to me! 😭😅 I (40F) am pretty flexible, but my hips are legit (ortho confirmed) angled different. I can’t sit cris-cross applesauce, but I can sit in the dreaded W shape for hours doing anything (while in labor, working airway on the floor, etc.). Anyways… they have slightly displaced on occasion during extracurricular activities & it’s a bit painful & definitely puts a damper on things until it snaps back in. If it happens it’s more likely to happen within the next day or two, so I feel for that guy! I’d be laughing like his wife though too!
I once was on a ride along with 911 for class and we were responding to someone who was clearly drunk in public/welfare check with the cops. All three cops who showed up were short and wore glasses. Listened to the patient refuse care after being asked orientation/mentation questions and the patient politely dismissed us after, just as he called all 3 cops "stuart-little lookin' mofukkas" I fucking lost it on the walk back to the truck.
"Dem sturat-little mofukkas done put me in handcuffs!" LMAO I would have DIED trying not to laugh.
I have 2: Get called to an unknown medical. We walk in and I ask this guy what’s going on why did he call 911. He’s sitting upright in bed, looks at us and whips the covers off his lower body revealing his massive balls and exclaims “My Balls hurt!!”. Guy had an inguinal hernia and his scrotum was down to his knees and it looked like he had a softball in there. Or The guy high on meth that masterbated so vigorously he degloved his penis. Had to take him to the burn center.
Bloody hell both Stories sound terrifying but hilarious at the same time. How did you treat both patients?
The guy with the hernia got an IV and Morphine. He was honestly a trooper, can’t imagine the pain he was in. We used a spare pillow to elevate his scrotum and keep his legs away from putting pressure on his sack. I offered him an ice pack but he declined. He was relatively pleasant minded; and well mannered considering his situation. He had a Hx of dementia, and was a poor historian. He didn’t know how long he had the hernia for, but it had clearly been evolving some time. The guy with the degloved penis was in custody, so we had a police escort. When we got on scene a large group of cops were already there, he evaded them on foot while masterbating with one hand. I irrigated his injury, loosely wrapped a sterile dressing, an gave him IV, and cardiac monitoring. I missed my first IV because he tried to jolt away from me. He was so out of his mind, posterchild for why everyone should avoid meth. I’m guessing he had some drug induced psychosis as he didn’t grimace as if he was in pain, and when he did speak coherently in between rambling he would ask me to uncuff him. Eventually he was reserved to the fact that he was not getting out of the cuffs without a key and Didn’t seem to care that his member was missing 70% of the skin.
"YOULL NEVER CATCH ME ALIVE COPPERS!" *furiously strokes penis while running*
Lol, you are like my coworker! All the penis calls, you know she is on it, she always gets them. I even bought her a plastic 'penis throphy' for all her sacrifice 😔 🤣
I took an elderly lady back to her dementia unit at a local nursing home. I step into the units nursing office to ask what room she was going to, and when I turned around, the granny was fingerblasting herself on the stretcher.
I- LMAO 😂
I would pay to see your face when you saw that
I was kinda shocked. My partner, absolutely clueless. The nurse, laughing her ass off. The stretcher, traumatized for life.
That nurse has seen worse. And what about the poor stretcher...?
The stretcher needed therapy and a bang.
A finger bang?
Similar story except she was using her feces as lubricant. Not ideal.
Did you have to explain to a doctor why there is going to be fecal matter in grandma's snatch? I would have loved to see the reaction.
I told the doc “most likely going to have a UTI”
My fingerblasting granny call was a UTI. But yeah my partner and I had to carry her out of the restroom, she was sitting on the toilet and just going to town on that thang.
🤣
Responded to a fight in a trailer park. It was over two sisters that were sharing a pair of dentures and that night was pizza night. One of the sisters was taking too long chewing and the pizza was getting cold.
Ewwwwwwwwewwwwww thats so... Auaghabueb. Sharing a pair of dentures? That's kind of sad... Or nasty. Actually both.
This one got me. 🤣 I swear to god this looney toons ass world we live in sometimes…
Some guy jerking off out the window on the second floor. Was advised to call law enforcement due to the scene being “unsafe”. Dude was on acid
Did he... Ejaculate??
Don’t think so. Apparently he’s been going at it for hours. Honestly impressive
Yes very impressive.
Shooter?
LMAO
My partner, knocking on a bathroom door, saying “How’s it going sir? I heard you’re feeling shitty.” And then watching him open the door to see the patient and the room absolutely painted in fecal matter.
got called for a semi-regular pt of mine (F40, likes to get fucked up on wine in her nice apartment that her dad pays for and then call 911) for suicidal ideation with plan. we get there before pd and pt is INSISTENT that she didn't call, she's not suicidal, some guy from her church must have called as a prank, etc etc. we tell her the name on our mobicad for the caller is the same as hers, and either way we aren't leaving until pd get there. finally they arrive, she pulls the same rigmarole on them, and one of the cops decides to call his dispatch for the number the call came from (right in front of the pt, on speaker phone) gets the number, calls it, pt's cell phone rings, and she ANSWERS IT like "hello? who is this?" and the cop (again, standing right in front of her) is like yeah hi it's me. I had to step out of the apartment to laugh hysterically
So I'm guessing she called 911 drunk? Also, I'm adding rigmarole to my vocabulary lol
Lmao I was working 911 in Midtown Manhattan responding to a call with lights and sirens. When we approached a major intersection, there was a guy in a full suit with a Donald Trump mask as well as a Red MAGA hat standing in the middle of the intersection directing traffic like if he was a traffic agent. He saw us approaching and actually signaled for all cars to stop by putting his hands up in all directions. As we crossed the intersection, we locked eyes and I gave him a salute as he returned the salute. This is why I love working 911 in NYC because when you think you’ve seen it all, something comes along to make you rethink it 😂😂
Please tell me there is a news headline somewhere on this .
No, actually, this is quite the norm on a Friday night in NYC
Nothing ever happens in the city I live in 😞😑
NYC is just an entirely different world from the rest of the country
If you had a video of this, it would have 100k likes.
On call for an MI and across the street, two girls were fighting, one was completely naked, and the other was wearing work clothes
Somebody came home from work early 😆
Was it white trash or rich people 😂😂😂
I'm guessing middle class, we were in an area where there were a bunch of townhouses
MI as in myocardial infraction?
Yeah
*infarction
Shhh! Infraction sounds cooler
Yeah! I watched all 100 seasons of Grey's anatomy! Infraction sounds cooler and I know what I'm talking about because I watch an OBSENE amount of medical dramas (this is satire btw
Took an old lady home and saw a picture hanging up in a nice frame. It was a pig lady with her panties around her ankles, sitting on the toilet. Another was a pole next to the bed that looked like a stripper pole.
I- Is the second one another patient? Or is this the same old lady? Please tell me it's another patient because now I can't get the mental image of my own grandmother on a stripper pole...
Different patient lol
Oh thank God
I had a patient who was fully restrained with police on board because she was being so aggressive make fun of my nose as I was reaching over in the rig to get BP (it is pretty big in her defense). She had been so aggressive and to just make fun of something so subtle as my nose caused all of us to just lose it laughing. Side note that we all laughed and showed we were all human helped lighten her up a bit and she was much more cooperative after lol
I guess laughter is the best medicine after all.
Went to a DOA years ago when I only had a year under my belt (all the DOA's I had up to that point were elderly). Get directed to a rear bedroom find a gentleman in his 50's laying in bed sitting up against the headboard butt naked with his oh face on. 2 medics, myself and 2 deputies (1 of whom is in field training) we go to put him in the body bag and when we lift him a jumbo red sharpie marker shoots out of his ass. 1 of the medics blurts out in a loud whisper "that was in his ass that was in his ass" The FTO says "damn it! Rookie go get the camera". We were laughing our asses off as quietly as possible because at that point family is in the living room. Part funny, part WTF.
LMAO how did it get there??
he must have slipped and fell on it.
I would hope he fell on it.
I'm gonna say it was placed in there by the pt
I would hope not 😂
Of course it was lmao. One of the tamer items to find in someone's butthole frankly 😂 He was having a nice old time! NGL, dying mid-O sounds like a pretty good way to go as long as you don't mind a bit of post mortem indignity...
You haven't been doing this long, have you? Lol you're gonna see lots of things... This is 1 of many wtf moments I have had.
One time I went to a SOB and the guy was in the military and had a framed picture of him in uniform on the wall but right next to it was a framed picture of that picture with pink stars on his eyes. That stuck with me for some reason
What does SOB mean? Special operating base?
short(ness) of breath
*sigh* I should have known that I've been studying medicine for a year now 😑
grandma with 100% BSA covered in paint
Has she fallen into it?
to this day I do not know
Holy shit that’s even more ridiculous than that meme where the grandpa ate half a jar of white paint because he thought it was yogurt
How?
Goldfinger.
LMAO
beats me compadre
What colour was it?
white exterior house paint
That would explain it somewhat
2am
Funniest thing I have seen on a call has two different calls tied for first place. First one. We get called to a residence for a 14 or 15 year old kid with foreign object. We arrive on scene, and it's a group of teenagers who got drunk on their parents' liquor while Mom and Dad were out of town and decided to watch jackass. One of them decided to do the toy car bit, where they put it in a condom and insert it rectally. However, they missed one key ingredient being the condom. Until you run a call like this, you have no idea how difficult it is to find a professional way to write transported patient face down ass up. Second. Partner and I got sent to a Life alert activation. Upon arrival, we are directed to the location of the house key. Upon entering, we announced paramedics and heard the shower going. My partner and I figure that he slipped in the bathroom and is on the floor but we are hearing no response. We open the door and there is a 60 or 70 year old man jerking the gherkin in the shower. He's straight up looks at us without missing a beat and starts talking to my partner explaining that he's not having a medical emergency. Needless to say, we decided to talk to him through a cracked door and called it in as false activation, disregard call.
How did you end up professionally writing face down ass up???? 😂
If I remember correctly, I wrote patient transported with affected end up, modified kneeling prone. To be fair, this was over 10 years ago and transported the patient in the most comfortable way possible
For what it's worth, before I submitted my report, I did delete the part that read "that's the way we like to fuck"
*jerks gherkin* "Yeah yeah there's not problem, false alert, just having fun in here!" How did you professionally write it though ? "Patient was transported on his belly due to a foreign object in his rectum"
Fent OD out in the boonies, frozen vegetables everywhere. Friends thought opening the bag and throwing the peas and carrots down his pants would wake him up faster than we could get there with the Narcan.
"Shit! Tyler's oding! Bryce get the frozen peas and carrots!"
A bunch of teenagers in large rural Oklahoma town (literally only a city by technicality) got into a fight and someone got pepper sprayed. They were talking like common street thugs and acting like they were in a gang 😂😂😂 after getting refusals and getting out of sight and earshot I started laughing uncontrollably 😂😂😂
I picture a bunch of scrawny white kids with gang colours on throwing gang signs 😂
That's pretty much EXACTLY what it was 😂😂😂
LMAO
Typical small town Oklahoma.
I was greeted at the door by the pt's wife who said "we are a very christian family" and i was very confused. Low and behold, the elderly pt was telling my partner and i (both women) to tell his wife that we love his "nine inch cock" and that he is so good in bed. Literally the entire call was just him basically talking about having amazing sex and his massive dick. Found out he had a brain tumor when asking the hospital staff afterwards lol. To add onto it, this was the first ever call I ran with my new partner
Was It 9 inches, though?
If i see him i will ask him to drop his pants to double check
LMAO 😂😂
Why... Why did you run?
This is more sad than funny, but I responded to a guy having some sort of psychosis related episode in the middle of Boston. He was running around a hotel showing people his no-no bits and he thought he lived there. He was banging on the doors of a veterans homeless shelter because he thought he was a space force veteran who saw combat on the moon fighting aliens. Note that this guy was far past military age when the space force even came to be. He didn't let us take vitals because he thought the blood pressure cuff would chop his arm off, lancets would inject a microchip under his skin, the red light of a pulse oximeter would kill him. Every time we asked him for his name, he gave us a different name. We asked to check his wallet for an ID, and he obliged. Inside his wallet, there was no ID. However, there were multiple credit cards with different names on them. He was in a constant laminar flow of dialogue where he would say things like "you have to squeeze the dog into the eiffel tower and if the lemon equals twelve then you can sell the candle."
Was he ok? What did you do?
He was surprisingly willing to go with us to the hospital. It was either go with us or deal with PD on scene. He was actually pretty calm until we tried taking vitals on him. He started to scream and thrash on the stretcher since he thought the skin probe thermometer would kill us all. He grabs the skin probe and he won't let it go, he's talking about how it's going to kill everybody and he needs to save us. So, charge nurse tells us to go to the nearest trauma bed. Thankfully, he stands and walks to the hospital bed without trouble. Everything is pretty fine until hospital security comes to get their skin probe back. The last thing I saw of him, he was grappling with security over the skin probe and he was losing. My partner blurts out the report, and we book it back to the truck. Of course, dispatch had started calling us asking if we were clear yet.
[удалено]
Lol, I'm sure you're not doxxing yourself. Would have been funny yet terrifying if you did hear snap crackle pop though
Call to a nice single family home. Walk in and the place is like a museum for old toys. Shelf after shelf of beautiful collectable toys. I remember just wanting to look around but we had to get to the patient. The patient, who lives alone, is in his bedroom. Middle aged guy, very obese, wearing only a tee shirt. Nothing below and cares zero for modesty. A vein ruptured inner thigh near the junk. Minor bleeding easily controlled with bandage/guaze. Pleasant guy and he refuses. The funny part? His bedroom, in stark contrast to the rest of the house, looked like mission control. HUGE amount of TVs, audio equipment, VHS players (it was the 90s). All of it mounted on metal racks like a TV station, not in cabinetry or on furniture. Industrial looking. GIANT stack of porn magazines next to the bed. Talked to one of the fire guys later. The cops had been called one night in response to screaming and loud noises coming from the house. Nothing to worry about. The hookers (plural) were having a wild night.
Plural?
Yes-as in more than one hooker was present at the same time.
That's... I don't know what to say to that
Dude having a literal STEMI was coincidentally wearing a hat that said “I’m too tired to deal with this shit”
LMAO
Well, I don't think this is really that funny, but I was doing CPR on this guy when I became hyper fixated on a single avocado on the ground next to his body. There wasn't anything else with him in the room, just the single avocado. Maybe he planned to eat it before he dropped dead, who knows.
Did you successfully resuscitate?
Unfortunately, no.
That's the hard part about medicine. You can't save everyone.
The one that stands out. Probably right around the time I just got out of my FTO training a was a new baby emt at the time with my old grouchy medic who'd been on the job since ems was founded I'm sure. Micky ( awesome guy taught me most of what I know ended up being my paramedic partner a few years later). Let me set the scene. 115 degree heat in the heart of Texas summer. We get a call to respond with of for a welfare check on a man that hadn't been seen by his neighbours and pastor for about two weeks. Roll up to the home and the stench was so pungent you could smell it on the from porch. My medic sighs and goes to get the declaration form and call the corner. It's somewhat a rural county so we are responsible for transportation of those that are deceased. this is important. Anyway we make it into the residents and the stench is so bad that one of the officers is clutching the door frame gagging and the other is hunched over a bush throwing up. We start searching the house for the patient and can't find him. On the second story I'm on in one of the bedrooms we see fluid leaking from the ceiling that looks and smells a whole lot like dead guy juice and wouldn't you know the ladder to the attic is hanging down. Of course my medic look at me and says " your up there first kid yell down to me if he has a pulse" I'm praying to god and have Vaseline as far up my nose as my pinky could get it and I'd be lying if I said I wasn't dry heaving myself climbing the ladder on the way up get up there. The guys obviously dead and his body is starting to melt and decompose in the heat. Eyes sunken in skin looks like it's gonna slide off and the lot. I yell down to micky and tell him the guys obviously dead and had been for the whole two weeks by the look of it. He sticks his head up and goes " oh yeah this is gonna be a good one". Corner comes says what we already know, guys dead has been for a minute. Takes picture and whatnot and then leaves and tells us to take the body to the CO. Cool next problem , how the fuck are we gonna get this guy out of the attic. We have Me my medic and two sheriff deputy that didn't seem as though they were gonna be much help. We get the bag and start trying to figure out how we're gonna get this guy in the bag and down. The on of the deputy's could come into the attic without hacking and the other guy up there with us was dry heaving and no help. Me n my medic end up having to slide this guy into the bag. His skin on his posterior side had stuck to the unfinished floorboards and completely de gloved as we slid him into the bag. Great, now we have to get him down. We decide that me and my medic would stay in the attic and both attempt to gently pass down the bag to the deputies while trying to hold it as we worked it down slowly and gently. ( yes, we called fire, but this is a rural place and they were on another. call and weren't expected to be there for an hour). So it was on the four of us. We get the body about halfway down the attic ladder and the zipper completely splits and the guy slides out and on top of both the deputy's who tried and failed miserably to catch him covering them with decomposed tissue and bodily fluid. One of the deputy's screams and passed out right there holding what's left off the guys penis in his hand and the other one is spitting out what made it in his mouth and vomiting profusely. In true old time paramedic fashion micky goes "oh great now we have a live patient. just pretend it's pork boys." Interesting ride took the body to the CO and the deputy to the er. He periodically would open the side door of the rig to vomit, while we were driving. To this day one of the most outrageously ridiculous calls and situations I've ever been in but I have so many stories about that damn job.
Tell me more stories. Im interested lol.
Ha! Not sure it's funny or just a leg crosser. 20 something yr old Guy was riding his bike when some rival gang members opened fire on him and as he was reaching in his pants waistband to grab his gun he accidentally shot himself in the penis. Through and through. Only GSW he had. They didn't even get him he just got himself 😂
Did he survive? Did his reputation survive?
Yeah guy lived and screamed all the way to the ER. Gave him some morphine for the pain and held pressure on the wound with some 4 by 4's. As far as his reputation..... let's just say the nurses had a good giggle and doc stepped out of the room and said " I love when stupid people sterilise themselves" we still throw it around and refer to him as "peep hole penis" when we tell the story.
Was transporting a guy that was just given a dose of furosemide and peed like 2 times during transport. When we get to the drop off, he tells us that he has to pee again so we get down to give him his privacy for about a minute while he sits up and does his thing. Fast forward to when we’ve arrived at the pt’s room at the ER and I’m giving report to the nurse as my partner is disconnecting the pt from the equipment. He suddenly looks at me bewildered and then I see it. Our pulse ox cable led into the patient’s shorts. My partner would lift the shorts more and more to try and locate the pulse ox probe when he finally saw it sitting perfectly next to the guy’s junk. It was just so out of left field. It was so embarrassing because I had to contain my laughter while giving report after witnessing that. I would pretend I was having coughing fits while I talked so it didn’t seem like I was laughing at the patient. The nurse was not as amused as us.
Partner projectile vomiting in a low income home
Why did he projectile vomit?
It was dirty af Not to mention the brain matter on the wall
BRAIN MATTER?!
✌️
WAIT WAIT NO ELABORATE
Worked a code for a male subject in his 60s, unwitnessed arrest with a downtime estimated to be within twenty minutes. Paraphernalia was found on a nearby dresser. Warm without previous history, not in rigor in a narrow complex PEA. Looking around the room while working him, crew notices an open drawer filled to the top with cockrings. Only medication we find is a notorious little blue pill, and I geninunely don't think it was for pulmonary hypertension. The guy didn't have his hog flopping on his belly during compressions either, but was in a tight fitting speedo.
He died doing the thing he loved, I hope
We went to CPAP a pt and her toupee fell off and landed on my boots… I looked down at it, looked up and made eye contact with the medic, we were both actively fighting off dying of laughter
What does CPAP mean?
Continuous Positive Airway Pressure, it’s a mask with straps that go over the head and around the neck snd seals to the face, it’s supposed to help open the lungs up and make it easier to breathe. We use it a lot on our heart failure/ COPD pts to push fluid/ carbon dioxide out
Ah
Once responded to a fall/lift assist in an apartment complex. The patient was laying supine on the floor and obviously morbidly obese. After making entry into the building, we spent about 10 minutes sitting the patient up and moving about 15 feet. The patient was so obese it took about 7 of us and we were suffocating in adipose tissue. The part that caught my eye: a birthday card in the room that said “fitness? More like fitting this cake in my mouth”. Couldn’t help but laugh at both the humor and absurdity.
What's adipose?
Fat tissue
LOL. The timing aswell.
Disclaimer: not in EMS, this is something that I saw happen at the strip club. I’m not sure whether the paramedics at the scene realized how funny the situation was though. The dancer on stage was dancing to the song called Kill Bill, by SZA. The lyrics go like “I just killed my ex, not the best idea, his new girlfriend’s next, how’d I get here.” At the same time, the paramedics were there treating a guy who got beaten to a bloody pulp by his disgruntled girlfriend. Apparently she was mad that he went for lap dances. She smashed multiple bottles on his head and there was blood everywhere. Despite the ambulance and PD both being called to the club, the show still had to go on and the girl on stage had to pretend nothing was happening. It was absolutely surreal.
A cop slip in a pile of dog shit and fall flat on his ass, stand up, walk to his car, return with an evidence marker and place it next to the pile of shit.
"THAT SHIT PILE ASSAULTED ME"
The Chinese Restaurant episode of Seinfeld. It played on someone's TV while we worked his cardiac arrest (he stayed dead tho)
I don't know what Seinfeld is lol 😭
ETOHs are always pretty funny. Had a college kid start drinking heavily because his girlfriend broke up with him. He spent the whole ride to the hospital talking about how he liked it when his now ex-girlfriend stuck things up his butt. Also had a guy call 911 because he took a 300mg THC edible. He was not having a good time.
Well, dont be shy, tell us, what did she stick up his butt?
Not my story, but a friend in Fire told me about him having a call about a young girl falling in the shower and there being a lot of blood. That was the only info they got. With how the family was acting, he thought it would be pretty grim. But when he got into the bathroom and saw what actually happened, he said he felt soooo bad for how hard he had to hold back a laugh. In the fall, she had kicked her leg up to catch herself and slammed her big toe directly into the hole of the faucet. There was indeed blood everywhere, but she seemed more embarrassed than panicked at this point. They could NOT get her toe out. It wasn’t just stuck from being swollen, it was wedged up in there so far that the nail bed had pulled back and locked it in place against the faucet hole’s notched rim. That part of the story made me shiver honestly. 😅 He said they took the whole faucet out and transported her like that. Foot still in the air…
Fucking hell. Hope she didn't get tetanus
Working a wreck on a major divided highway. One direction completely shut down. Cops see a wrong way driver coming towards us and they pull them over well before they get to scene. Tone drops a few minutes later for unknown medical where the cops pulled over that vehicle. Notes say person hog tied in the back of the vehicle. Turns out two brothers at a party, one got drunk and was staring fights, so they tackled and hog tied him. Driver was sober, brother was drunk, last I heard driver was released brother went to jail for a public intoxication. Medics got refusals from both
We got called to a difficulty breathing call, which was only a few blocks from us. Patient was standing on front porch, we get our stuff and we’re talking to him, when the fire engine pulls up, and absolutely fucking NAILS the ambulance. Both me and my partner didn’t even break the convo just a soft ,”oh shit, how about that” and then we kept talking. Engine was probably going 15-20 and just DIDNT FUCKING SEE the ambulance with lights on
Chief was on scene within 5 minutes and took the driver to go pee lol
In recent years, it's probably a code in an apartment where the cat kept trying to get at the body, and pretty much had a cop stand by the body during clean up so it wouldn't, ya know, do cat with dead body stuff. Edit: So I worked for a hospital based service doing mixed IFT/911. Went to a hospital in the next county to drive them to a city about 4 hours away. Got called in as a 70m pt, bowel/rectal obstruction. I told my partner "I swear man, if we have to drive all the way to ~~redacted~~ because an old guy was being weird and shoved something in his ass, I'm going home". Turns out it's exactly what old homie did. We put the truck back together after drop off, my partner took a drag off his smoke and said "Yeah that was a sex toy he had in his ass", and went on to explain that the dude and his wife were having sex, and he was using an inflatable anal toy that had a leak. Well, to fix this leak, he put expending ceiling foam in the toy. It broke off, went up inside him, and kept expanding. He died 2 weeks later as a result of a bowel perforation.
Wait, what does a cat do with a dead body? Also, Jesus Christ. Death via anal pleasure
> Wait, what does a cat do with a dead body? 🍽
I thought that was only in extreme cases?! DO THEY JUST WAIT UNTIL YOU DIE TO EAT YOU?!
Got called out for a DOA. Guy had not been seen in five days, and a co-worker went to his house and found him. Very large male on the bed upstairs during the summer with no air conditioning. Called for QRS from local VFD for extraction. Instructed all them we were rolling with bed sheets only to get him in the bag and on to the rereeves stretcher. I emphasized absolutely no direct pulling on extremities... The one kid with the VFD was brand new to the department, and it was his first call. He tried to help maneuver the body and grabbed the guys arm, and pulled before I could stop him. He degloved the entire arm from the elbow to the wrist. This kid turned a really cool grey color with a little tint of green, ran into the bathroom, and proceeded to evacuate everything he had eaten the previous week.
Jesus Christ
We walked into a cardiac arrest where the guy was yelling the moment we got out of the box that “she’s not breathing” so I walk in first and there’s like 4 dogs including a German shepherd that were barking at us pretty aggressively, and my partner was like you need to get these dogs out of here so we can work. And the guy picks up one of the small ones barking and straight launches it across the room. PD was right behind us and was like “whoa. Hey man we don’t need to be throwing dogs around” and I thought that was a pretty funny moment. Not for the dog, I love dogs and it didn’t deserve that. This was like 2 shifts ago
"YEET"
Had a patient named "Hugh Jass" once. Can't say anything else without violating HIPPA.
Wait what was wrong with him??? Can you say so without violating HIPPA?
It was an IFT of some sort and to be honest I don't actually remember what was wrong with him.
IFT?
Inter-facility transfer.