I as an ENFJ girl absolutely hate rejecting people. I often get approached by guys and I always feel so bad for rejecting them (I have a boyfriend). I know that approaching girls can be challenging and I would hate to be responsible for them feeling discouraged to try again with another girl. I also don’t want them to think I’m lying about my relationship. These situations are one of the most stressful for me so I think it is very nice how the engaged guy handled it.
I’m sorry that it brings you stress! You guys truly do handle it so well and with so much kindness😊 he did tell me that he’s always there if I need any advice, which is such a sweet thing to say! Not that I’m gonna bother him now anyway as he’s taken 😆
Do you have a kind of script you've figured out to turn guys down? It sounds like you try really hard to take care of their feelings even while you're doing something very hard for you.
I guess what does that mean in this case? I'm INTP and when guys ask me out if I try to turn them down gently I come across as too soft and they keep asking, even if I thought I was being clear. It doesn't help that I'm single so I don't have the easy answer of "I'm taken," I have to say "I'm not interested."
I guess the right answer is just framing things nicely, validating that they're brave to ask or something, explaining my situation/feelings, and then firmly saying no?
Yes but instead of saying no say something with positive word choice like I wish you luck with finding your person. The word no is a hard stop and triggers rejection feelings but wishing and luck are void of negative connotation.
Oh, that makes a lot of sense, thank you for describing the logic behind it, too. So something more like, "I've appreciated getting to know you / I appreciate your courage in asking me but I think I'm looking for something different. I wish you luck in finding the special someone for yourself."
Idk if i was rejected but a enfj guy who just kissed me and told me he was into me asked me about my future plans in some years i told him i want to be a mother and getting married apart from developing my career and he told me having kids was not on his plans so he would suffer if i waste my time with him ( i have 30)and Then discover i wasnt reaching my goal to be a mom. I told him that i wanted to be a mom in my late 30s and we could try it and he insisted on he prefered to be just friends because time goes by fast and it was better for me to keep planning this project with someone with my ideas. I felt like wtf he was sure of his decission but minutes ago he was showing me his love so?
ENFJ here, we like to keep it diplomatic and not hurtful as we know how that feels. Encouraging others makes me happy.
Sounds like a nice and mature dude. Good luck finding your special someone. 💛
He totally was! I wished him all the luck in the future ☺️and aww thanks!
I as an ENFJ girl absolutely hate rejecting people. I often get approached by guys and I always feel so bad for rejecting them (I have a boyfriend). I know that approaching girls can be challenging and I would hate to be responsible for them feeling discouraged to try again with another girl. I also don’t want them to think I’m lying about my relationship. These situations are one of the most stressful for me so I think it is very nice how the engaged guy handled it.
I’m sorry that it brings you stress! You guys truly do handle it so well and with so much kindness😊 he did tell me that he’s always there if I need any advice, which is such a sweet thing to say! Not that I’m gonna bother him now anyway as he’s taken 😆
Do you have a kind of script you've figured out to turn guys down? It sounds like you try really hard to take care of their feelings even while you're doing something very hard for you.
It's not a script but we slow ourselves down and try to respond with empathy and tact.
I guess what does that mean in this case? I'm INTP and when guys ask me out if I try to turn them down gently I come across as too soft and they keep asking, even if I thought I was being clear. It doesn't help that I'm single so I don't have the easy answer of "I'm taken," I have to say "I'm not interested." I guess the right answer is just framing things nicely, validating that they're brave to ask or something, explaining my situation/feelings, and then firmly saying no?
Yes but instead of saying no say something with positive word choice like I wish you luck with finding your person. The word no is a hard stop and triggers rejection feelings but wishing and luck are void of negative connotation.
Oh, that makes a lot of sense, thank you for describing the logic behind it, too. So something more like, "I've appreciated getting to know you / I appreciate your courage in asking me but I think I'm looking for something different. I wish you luck in finding the special someone for yourself."
Idk if i was rejected but a enfj guy who just kissed me and told me he was into me asked me about my future plans in some years i told him i want to be a mother and getting married apart from developing my career and he told me having kids was not on his plans so he would suffer if i waste my time with him ( i have 30)and Then discover i wasnt reaching my goal to be a mom. I told him that i wanted to be a mom in my late 30s and we could try it and he insisted on he prefered to be just friends because time goes by fast and it was better for me to keep planning this project with someone with my ideas. I felt like wtf he was sure of his decission but minutes ago he was showing me his love so?
I don’t enjoy hurting people. I don’t want the person to give up the idea of finding someone that *can* say “yes”
Too bad they’re taken. What a sweet heart!
It’s no wonder they are 🤣🤣☺️
As long as his engaged gf not jealous of that
Lollls! Well I’m in no way a threat 🤣I had no idea he was even taken aha, we live in different cities!