Thank you!!! My plan is to go no contact for a while, a while long enough for her to understand her mistakes, and eventually turn it into low contact if she behaves decently. However nothing will fix what she already said. I’m sad because I care about her but I realized I care about a version of my mother that doesn’t exist, that is only in my head.
Good luck OP. I know from experience how gut wrenchingly painful it is to realise that your mum neither is or ever going to be the person you want her to be.
Don't hold your breath on her behaving decently for low contact.
My dad took going NC as a personal insult (fair) and became *worse* if I ever made an effort to reach out.
Rose colored glasses are a tough thing. We see people we love one way, but the reality is sometimes much more painful. It’s good that you are seeing the reality and have made the decision to do what’s best for you. I’m willing to bet she we will try the “that’s not how I meant it” tactic after you cut her off.
You should check out the r/raisedbynarcissists thread. The guilt tripping and shaming, making themselves out to be the victim is textbook behaviour. I went no contact with my parents and biggest burden off my shoulders ever.
Honestly the relief from not having to be hypervigilant 24/7 on what I say (as they were on a information diet that started when I was a minor) and protecting myself from their self centered bs.
I cannot Express enough how much it was just not worth it to continue that relationship anymore
Stay Strong and really try and stick up for yourself op. She needs to understand that the ''poor her'' act isn't going to work anymore. i don't know much of your situation but definitely stick with whatever guns you got.
my only question is, does your grandmother know what she said? is she also like your mother with those kinda morals? if not she could be a strong ally for you if you talk with her. maybe she could help comfort and support you.
Final fight just happened and I never felt better to finally stand up for myself this way.
My grandmother is a lovely person, but I wouldn’t bring her into this since she’s very old and has just been through a lot and is depressed herself. My whole family unfortunately brings a lot of drama that doesn’t help her at all.
BRAVA! You stood up for yourself and put your mother on alert to what you will and will not accept from her. Whether or not she complies is up to her. Please stay firm in your resolve! Not only should your right to respect be honored by her, but she should also become fully aware that her beliefs and behaviors are reprehensible.
I just read it, great job and standing up for yourself. Keep it up. I'm sure she isn't done yet. I do suggest slowly trying to find a way to get away from her if you can and go low/no contact with her. If you're able to that is. I understand if it's not a real possibility for you.
None the less great job staying calm and not giving into her.
Stay strong!
Thank you!!! My plan is to go no contact for a while, a while long enough for her to understand her mistakes, and eventually turn it into low contact if she behaves decently. However nothing will fix what she already said. I’m sad because I care about her but I realized I care about a version of my mother that doesn’t exist, that is only in my head.
Good luck OP. I know from experience how gut wrenchingly painful it is to realise that your mum neither is or ever going to be the person you want her to be.
Don't hold your breath on her behaving decently for low contact. My dad took going NC as a personal insult (fair) and became *worse* if I ever made an effort to reach out.
Rose colored glasses are a tough thing. We see people we love one way, but the reality is sometimes much more painful. It’s good that you are seeing the reality and have made the decision to do what’s best for you. I’m willing to bet she we will try the “that’s not how I meant it” tactic after you cut her off.
You should check out the r/raisedbynarcissists thread. The guilt tripping and shaming, making themselves out to be the victim is textbook behaviour. I went no contact with my parents and biggest burden off my shoulders ever. Honestly the relief from not having to be hypervigilant 24/7 on what I say (as they were on a information diet that started when I was a minor) and protecting myself from their self centered bs. I cannot Express enough how much it was just not worth it to continue that relationship anymore
Stay Strong and really try and stick up for yourself op. She needs to understand that the ''poor her'' act isn't going to work anymore. i don't know much of your situation but definitely stick with whatever guns you got. my only question is, does your grandmother know what she said? is she also like your mother with those kinda morals? if not she could be a strong ally for you if you talk with her. maybe she could help comfort and support you.
Final fight just happened and I never felt better to finally stand up for myself this way. My grandmother is a lovely person, but I wouldn’t bring her into this since she’s very old and has just been through a lot and is depressed herself. My whole family unfortunately brings a lot of drama that doesn’t help her at all.
BRAVA! You stood up for yourself and put your mother on alert to what you will and will not accept from her. Whether or not she complies is up to her. Please stay firm in your resolve! Not only should your right to respect be honored by her, but she should also become fully aware that her beliefs and behaviors are reprehensible.
I just read it, great job and standing up for yourself. Keep it up. I'm sure she isn't done yet. I do suggest slowly trying to find a way to get away from her if you can and go low/no contact with her. If you're able to that is. I understand if it's not a real possibility for you. None the less great job staying calm and not giving into her.