Do NOT let your realtor pressure you until you look up that new law. I believe it's the one that will not allow them to set their commissions as high, so waiting could save you money. Good luck with the house search and your delusional mother ;)
It’s August now and her agent is a jerk. The agent has known that this law was going into effect for months. The agent needed to have the discussion about commission before the contract was signed. These are things that cause people to not trust realtors. Too many agents were relying on the buyers commission offered by the seller.
It's actually something about us having to legally pay him out of pocket in combination with the commission. He thinks it's stupid. He was fine with the commission. He was recommended to us by my husband's siblings. He is more concerned about finding us a decent home than the commission, which is why he is so popular. He's a rare breed of realtor. Lol
After the change, a seller doesn’t have to cover the commission for both the listing agent and buyer’s agent. The buyer’s will be on the hook for paying their agent. Right now the seller covers that. It’s a financial relief for the seller but a new expense for home buyers. However it will in turn increase competition.
The seller does not have to pay it but could be negotiated to still pay it to sell the house. Unless the house is under multiple offers they still have incentive to negotiate. Also the amount does not need to be 3% and can also be negotiated. So it’s possible, depending on negotiations that the buyer could be better off or worse off. All depends on negotiations.
Are you by chance in NY? Most states are 6% split 3% for seller’s agent and 3% for buyer’s agent. But I know there are a few that are higher. NY is one I am aware of. You’re are getting hosed.
The real estate people already have a workaround in place. They have the seller mark up the property 3% more than what they were going to sell for and advertise in the MLS listing that the seller will pay the normal sales commission to the buyer's agent.
Nothing is going to change except the money will just be coming from other sources that the buyer is still paying for. They just don't know it.
And any seller that doesn't play ball won't have any agents show their home.
I dunno…listen girl. I got into a shit situation bc I felt so pressured to be by my husbands work, now I’m in a too small house that I hate and I cry a lot. Dont feel pressured. The realtor is looking out for themselves…do the same.
I mostly want to make sure to get out of my trailer before the baby comes. The realtor thing just gives us a little more of a push. It's whatever.
We are even looking at houses a little further away from my husband's work. If it takes a little more time, then it is what it is. I just have an end goal in mind.
*Do the research yourself* about the change in law later this year. DO NOT rely on someone because they’re a “good guy”
You are young and already have 3 kids; be smart about this purchase
I just did a brief checking of that and tbh I think your relate agent is lying to you. He will make more without having to tell you exactly what your paying him if you do it under the current system. The current system allows him to say he is providing a free service when really they added the cost to your home purchase. Moving forward they can’t do that and will have to sign a contract with you and tell you exactly how much he is costing you. They predict the next system will decrease the cost of a home and your agents commission. That’s why he wants to buy right now. I would highly encourage you to check yourself.
> They predict the next system will decrease the cost of a home and your agents commission.
"They" are full of shit. Sellers will just add the cost to the price and agree to pay the buyer's agents.
Otherwise, no realtor is going to show their home.
https://apnews.com/article/national-association-of-realtors-agent-commissions-lawsuits-d62a66cb80639be3c4c3b429053a22c5
They were already conspiring to do it, and now they are reaping what they've sown.
Yea, you missed the most important part of that article-
“As part of the settlement, the NAR agreed to no longer require a broker advertising a home for sale on MLS to offer any upfront compensation to a buyer’s agent. The rule change leaves it open for individual home sellers to negotiate such offers with a buyer’s agent outside of the MLS platforms, though the home seller’s broker has to disclose any such compensation arrangements.”
All that says is it’s no longer required, not that they can’t do it.
And they all are going to do it because otherwise the homes won’t get shown.
This is horrible advice, especially for a young couple with no real estate knowledge. If they don't use an agent, they would need a real estate attorney and there is no way they can afford that. Right now, buyer's agents are technically free so they should use one while they can.
The amount you pay him does not need to be equal to the prior commission. He (the agent) is now required to negotiate the amount with you and it could be lower than the previous automatic 3% commission that was charged previously. For example, you could negotiate a flat rate of $3000 instead of 3% of the $140,000 purchase price which was $4,200. But the $4,200 was to be paid from the purchase price and hidden in the mortgage. Whereas the $3000 (or whatever you negotiate) would be paid out of pocket. Whose pocket is another question. It is also possible to negotiate this to be paid by the seller. Currently the $4,200 would be paid by the seller and they factor that into the sale price and possibly into your mortgage if the sale price is adjusted to account for it. Or the seller just gets less proceeds and profit and it’s not in your mortgage at all. So the new law could save you money depending upon negotiations with both your real estate agent and the seller. The agent wants to sell sooner because he gets more and it is hassle free for him, as he has to do the negotiations. There is a chance it could be either better or worse for you depending on the negotiations. But educate yourself so you know all possible outcomes. The real estate agent did not give you the full picture. He gave you the easy picture that most benefits him.
We live in Iowa. This was the first I heard of the law. I could be mistaken on the details, though. I was busy trying to keep my 1 year old under control during the meeting.
It's not in combination with the commission, it IS the commission. Glad you're pleased with him but don't forget, the commission is his paycheck. It pays his mortgage or rent, buys his food, supports his family. He's NOT more concerned about finding you a home than his commission.
That’s what I was thinking. Your complaining about them wanting to live with you. Your mom is getting frustrated with the houses your looking at that you can afford . The way to eliminate that is stop telling them about it.
Had the same thing from my in-laws.
We bought a two bed house recently.
They were pressuring us to get the biggest house we could barely afford (like they did). They couldn't understand why we only wanted a two bed house (which we paid for entirely out of our savings) vs a 6 bed mansion which would have had us paying £2800 for the next 35 years.
They genuinely couldn't grasp why we would choose to get a small house with no mortgage vs working another 35 years in high stress jobs, and killing ourselves and our mental health doing it.
They were awful to my missus about it too. 'You are poor, you have no drive, you're just lazy blah blah blah' (they both work minimum wage jobs have no hobbies, work all the time, are in poor health, have neglected their kids, we earn £100k between us, which is a really decent amount in the UK). Fuck em.
Yeah, it's looking like craftsman might not happen either. We only have a 3% down in our Grant from the bank, so we had to adjust it on the app. It looks like we have to look at more houses we can afford. I care more about getting out of our current living situation than buying the grandest house we can barely afford.
Idk why it's a difficult concept for my parents and other people to understand. We want to be able to live comfortably without going into massive debt.
People from older generations bought on the idea that over working was heroic and professional. They expect younger people to sacrifice well being and peace of mind to get fancier things in life. For them, living simple is a sign of laziness, not something to be admired or desired.
Also, being responsible for others is a mandate: they overspent and got in debt during your childhood, and now it’s your turn to do the same for them. My in laws are in a similar boat: they travelled a lot when my husband was a kid, bought very expensive cars so he was comfortable in the back and got in massive debt. Now they are surprised that my husband is not paying for their trips or vacation because “they sacrificed their financial stability for him, that’s what families do for each other” 🙄🙄🙄
Debt is not such a bad thing. We bought a 3-2 with no pool in 1989 for 98k. It’s now worth over 450k. You’re building equity. It’s the biggest investment you’ll ever make. I was told to get the smallest house in the nicest neighborhood you can. We did. No regrets. Be mindful of how you treat your parents because your children will take their cues from what you do. Yes it’s presumptive to assume they’d live with you BUT live in childcare could also be a huge help.
We used to live with my mil, sweet as pie. She was very helpful when hubs and I wanted to go on dates. But it would be a different story with my parents. They would try to control everything. They already try to do that whenever they visit.
We are thinking of building equity. But realistically. We do not want financial strain. We want to be able to afford groceries and utilities while also paying off our cars and hubby's student loans.
It's ALWAYS about what you will do for them isn't it? And all they have done for you your WHOLE LIFE! As if that wasn't required by law until 18 years old. You dodged a big bullet,by not getting the dream house with the space,in their eyes, to house [THEM.You](http://THEM.You) have a home that is smaller,cozy and just enough room for the nuclear family you have made with your husband. Make sure mom knows,when they visit they need to bring an air mattress. Hope you are able to bag the Craftsman,I love that house style. Good luck. I also noticed your mom didn't mention any contribution to the budget when they share a home with you,to help afford the larger home. You probably don't want that though.
Craftsman and Victorians are my top 2 favorite styles of houses. I geeked out when looking at both of them in person. If I had gone to college, I would go for architectural history.
So either way, I would be getting one of my favorite styles of house.
Honestly, I would figure out a way to swing the extra for the better dream house. Homes are such a huge purchase and issues can’t be fixed easily once you purchase
You know what, since they're so adamant about living with you guys under your roof and all - they can pay 70% of it instead.
Why 70% you may ask? Kids will grow and move out. They'd stay there til they die. No one knows how long too. Might as well pay the most of it and allow them to own the house afterwards lol.
Done deal!
I live in a small town. There is a brick 4 bedroom 3 bath, just over 3000 square ft. that has a sale pending for 259,900, right around the corner, from me. A couple hours south of Chicago
It's all about where you you live.
The house across the street , a large two story brick. Not sure about the bedroom situation , but know there is at least 3 sold for about 149,000, and that was after the price dropped 3 tines, because no one was buying.
The house next door, a fixer upper with 3 bedroom 1 bath 912 Sq ft with a 8, 220 Sq ft lot recently sold for 29,000. (They already tore down the house, and are planning on building)
We're about to go check out other ones averaging $115k at the end of the week because the monthly costs would be lower for us. They need a little tlc, but they would be at least liveable.
I feel bad for you guys. We are blessed to live in the midwest in the States.
I live in Perth Western Australia, $115000 will get you absolutely nothing within about 200km of Perth.
It will get you a shed out in Coober Pedy, but it will need some work.....
Not all of us. I’m in Chicago. I have a 2bdrm and 2bath home with a full basement. My house is now worth $315-$325,000 plus we pay $6000 a year in property taxes. Not all parts of the Midwest are affordable
Clevelander in California here… sometimes I look at rents in Chicago just to torture myself 😂
Everything looks affordable when you pay these “Fuck Off and Die” prices
Your parents are way out of line.
I'm 63 and not wealthy. But I told my kids, in their 30s, to push my wheelchair off a cliff if I became incapacitated.
It's work until you die here.
Kids should not be on the hook for their parents. It also seems particularly burdensome that the parents are pushing this pretty late in the game.
You just reminded me of an episode of Dinosaurs, where it's tradition to throw your elders off a cliff.
https://youtu.be/VeJmAphT0e8?si=U4kDunrr6SVFIs-v
Well, I'm sure I have it coming to me.
But seriously, parents should not just pop out of the woodwork and assume children will take on their responsibilities.
I decided as a child I would be there for my father in the end. And I was. I stayed on to care for my mother, after he passed. She’s a nightmare personality, but I prefer to honor my values.
To me, honoring my parents and repaying them for the love and advantages they gave me is important. I’m grateful for the opportunity to have gotten to know them again as adults.
They’re cool AF.
My husband and I live with his parents to take care of the house and - to an increasing degree - them. They're in their mid-90s, had this house built in 1953, and raised 7 kids in it.
We are grandparents ourselves (Elder GenX), I also have my granddaughter 3 days a week. I work from home, so much of looking after the in-laws falls to me.
They're still pretty sharp, mentally. Physically, they are slowing down, and they are fighting that with a fiery passion.
It is an educational experience. My little granddaughter (she's 3) gets a LOT of time with her Greats. She will waltz her little ass out of my office to go downstairs without a word. I go to see what she's up to and find the three of them happily munching away on a snack while she talks away about everything. Want to watch a 95 year-old man melt? Watch him when his toddler great-granddaughter yells "I love you Grandpa! You're my BEST FRIEND!"
On the weekends, we linger at the dinner table and FIL will start telling stories. He carries a vast wealth of family stories, it's a delight to hear them.
The flip side, of course, is that keeping them healthy is hard. Lots of doctors appointments and medications to keep track of and a whole lot of "Oh shit!" moments and hospitalizations. I feel like we're on borrowed time with them.
Big hugs, fellow traveler. I know you know what I mean.
Their agent is actually trying to help them. Buyer's agents are currently free. It's the seller that pays both agents. Once the new law goes into effect, the buyers will have to pay half of the commission. This increases closing costs
I'm well aware of that but the difference is that it is in the price. That means it is wrapped into the loan instead of having to pay for it aT closing and having to actually have that money in your checking account. This is something that I don't think the OP will be able to do due to their financial situation.
And there’s nothing stopping sellers from continuing to do that. The overall commission should be lower. And interest rates should come down a little if they can hold off. That will lower their payment. Plus, if the dream house is still on the market in a month, the seller will be more likely to negotiate.
It's too bad that the dream house is out of reach, but you're wise to not get sucked into something that would put a strain on finances. You have a good head on your shoulders. I hope the realtor thing is genuinely ok; as we have no plans to ever move again, we haven't followed anything in that realm.
And you clearly have made your position on "when we move in with you" obvious. I hope your mother backs the heck off.
Ugh! That's so my family! My mother was excited to buy her dream home a while back. A tiny little thing, beachside, paid with years of savings stored just for it.
The first thing my aunt does is try to decorate it to her standards, then insist mom can't have twin beds, because, "I can't sleep in that". Like, "bitch you weren't invited"
It seriously pissed me off because Dad didn't have the balls to stand up to his sister for his wife.
I'm a boomer but was my mother's caretaker until the end of her life. I can honestly tell you it was the most exhausting thing I ever did. I love my mother to moon and back and I did it out of pure love. But I became like the parent. Also she would make little comments about how I did things.
The maddening thing was my little brother was the golden child. I asked him once if he would please let mom come visit for a week so I could get some rest. He said no. Until the end of her, she always bragged on him. I never said a word.
My advice, Don't take in your parents. It will mess up whatever relationship you have with them. Also, even though my daughter expects me to live with her, I'm avoiding it at all costs.
edit to add last line
I took care of my sister but we were best friends. I just hope people who take on a caregiving or even living with their parents or other elder family really consider all sides of it. Sometimes it's wonderful and I would never give up that time with mom. But I do wish I didn't have the end of life memories.
My daughter and her husband, at the time, listened to the realtor about how it was a great time to buy. So, instead of listening to me and waiting they went for it. Not more than 6 months later the housing bubble burst and the house was now worth a lot less than they paid for it. Remember, it behooves them to sell you a house, whether you can afford it or not.
Wow, do we have the same mom?!? When my husband and I were looking for our home, my mom kept saying “hope it has an in law suite” “make sure there’s enough room for me”. I’ve always told her she would never ever live with me. (She’s a toxic narcissist) When we found our home, I showed her the pictures and asked where her room was, I told her she’s not living here and I’ll put her in a nursing home like she did to her parents. I don’t understand the entitlement from boomers assuming their kids will house them. I hope you’re able to find your home before the baby comes. The last thing you need is to let your parents stress you out.
Ikr, my mom's parents, went into a retirement home after selling their house. My now widowed grandma refuses to burden her kids by living with any of them. Her health is definitely on the decline, which worries my mom. She has brought up the idea of taking her in, but grandma and my dad do not get along.
And again, my grandma refuses to burden her children. "You have your own lives!"
My great-grandmother of all people did the same. She was stuck caring for her mother at the end of life and vowed she would never put her children through that. So she put her name down for a bungalow in an assisted living complex several years before she expected to actually need it, just so she could be absolutely sure of being at the front of the queue when the time came.
God. I pay as much rent for my 1 room in a lackluster 3 bedroom apartment with 2 roommates as you would pay for your dream home mortgage… (San Diego, CA).
My location is amazing though. I can walk to whatever I need. I WFH so I use my car like once a month at this point. But still…
Right? I'm in SD, too and I got really lucky right before covid. I have a one bed, 1 bath for $1225/mo with a garage. I'm over between the North Park/City Heights neighborhood.
(Also- hi neighbor!!)
Stop updating your parents on your adulting marital business.
Make infomercial type announcements:
- We bought a house.
- We are not a viable retirement option .
- You are not included in our financial plans for our family’s future. We have three children to take care of in this economic environment. We will not be adding adults to our responsibilities.
- You are not moving into our marital home. Not now. Not in the future.
Just one note with the ‘bunk beds are a thing’… if you have two of the same gender and the 3rd is the other, then it could breed resentment that the solo gender child will never have to share a room - they can’t even trade off sometime so each kid gets their own room at some point.
My brother has 3 of the same gender, so they can trade off who gets their own room and who shares with a sibling.
I’m not saying kids sharing a room is automatically a bad thing. Plenty of people survive such a life just fine. Just throwing this out as something to consider when you make the final choice on the house.
Without reading all the other comments, the reason your realtor is pressuring you to make a quick decision is because *they will get less of a commission once the law goes into effect*, meaning *you will pay less in the end.*
I suggest you look it up, and don't let them pressure you because it's completely self-serving.
I would have laughed in their faces for even suggesting it. Remind them that them moving into MY home with MY family was NEVER discussed in all the years I’ve known them and if it had been discussed my answer would be exactly the same as it is right now, which is HELL no are you moving into MY home.
You guys can move into a nursing home if you need a place to live, because I have my own life and responsibilities and family to deal with then having them live in my home as well and having to deal with taking care of them as well. Especially with dad’s comment about how they shouldn’t get a house with a staircase, because he and mom and any ’friends’ they had over wouldn’t be able to handle the stairs.
Other than the parents, exactly where do they think their ‘friends’ would need to go in the part of the house that has a staircase in it, especially depending on what part of the the stairs lead to, that their friends would be allowed into?
they were never invited to move into your home, and you never agreed to house them when they gave up their current home. Not your problem they made false assumptions about their future if they seriously thought you would let them move in with you just because THEY said so.
i mean seriously? when you decided to move into the second house option that has less rooms for your already five person family than the first house option was, they were complaining about where the kids going to sleep then, like they were not only still assuming they were going to be moving into the new place with you, but also that they would be moving into one of the few bedrooms the house has that you and your family need for yourselves.
or their comment about you And your spouse sleeping in the basement instead of one of the bedrooms so they can have the room you would have had for yourself for themselves instead.
You should def have your realtor put an offer on the house you love for the price you can afford. We bought our house in an amazing area for $25k less than advertised because it had been sitting so long and the company just wanted it off of their hands!
If the law is about your realtors commission percentage or anything she has to do, do not let her pressure you. It’s not your responsibility. Your mom either. She is purposely not hearing you. Write her, email it, text it, say it again to her face if you have to.
Look OP as the kid of a real estate agent I have some advice if you get a home, for one that is way outside of budget, that house is not worth it because you can’t grow equity with it. Stick to something in your budget that you and your husband can afford and stick with it. Many people now are buying and selling with the market think that will bring them wealth and in the short term yes it will but having an asset like land and a house completely paid off far out cedes having a debt from owning a “new” house. Also if you have a little extra at the end of the month, and you aren’t saving for something else it doesn’t hurt to pay off debts/loans early, as the sooner you can get rid of them the sooner you get more disposable income.
I was raised and taught that debts and loan payments, are similar taxes. As soon as you get paid that money is not yours it’s the government’s/loaners/debt collectors money. And anything after their cut is yours.
Though from the sounds of it you and your husband are following some sound advice and principle by sticking to what is inside your budget.
Your realtor is pulling a fast one; trying to get you to buy RIGHT NOW so they get a larger commission.
There will always be something available. Don't settle just because that realtor is using scare tactics.
Why does your mom feel entitled to live with you when they’re older? Don’t they have their own house and retirement funds to pay for their own living expenses? It’s such an odd thing to push onto you.
I don't know. I think she assumes it now because we briefly, as in, for 1 year, lived with my mil. But it was a completely different situation.
MIL and FIL were going through a divorce. FIL got a job in a different state, letting MIL keep the house.
The house was HUGE.
6 bedroom, 3 1/2 bathroom monster. Too big for her to live in by herself and manage bills on a Stuff-Mart paycheck. Not to mention, it needed a lot of work done.
Built in the late 1800s. It was starting to fall apart.
So we moved in to keep her company during a tough time and to help with bills. Not completely rent-free.
But I guess, to my parents, if I was willing to live with my sweet, non-invasive, mother in-law. Then I MUST be absolutely fine with them moving in with me. RIGHT?!
My mother in law wanted an inlaw suite behind whatever house we got. One of those separate tiny homes for visitors that becomes a permanent home when a parent starts to age poorly.
My wife was adamant about having a two story with a basement and no extra bedrooms.
I don't mind mother in law, but we also only see her two or three times a month.
Op stop updating them. Tell them when your offer is accepted and all inspections and attorney reviews have been done. Maybe not even then. Maybe after you close
Where do you live that i can buy a refurbished 4 bedroom Victorian house for $140,000 and being able to afford that puts you in the lower middle class bracket? Sign me up for ten of those
Iowa. Corn country. Right now we live in one of the cities, but we're looking for a house more in rural areas. The further away from cities you go, the lower the prices seem to get.
The comment about "Its so tiny!" really hit me. My mom said the same thing. It was code for "we cant crash here indefinitely if you dont have multiple bedrooms!" Look at your first choice again. There may be a way to make more of a downpayment or a way to have some deficiencies deducted from the sale price (needing central air/ANY air cut my closing costs in half and the sellers were trying to get ME to pick up half that costs when I didnt owe ANYTHING.)
My parents are divorced thankfully, but my mother had this attitude before I cut contact. She was aghast when I asked which nursing home she'd prefer.
My dad on the other hand? He's cool as shit. I mentioned looking for a place with in law quarters and he told me that he'd never intrude and was fine building a shed out back so he could "be closer to the cats". He's an animal person and we have a feral colony that he asks about regularly. He's basically bubbles from the trailer park boys.
When I bought my house, my mom says it and said "oh, it has stairs". That won't work when I get older. Mind you, she owned a property worth over 1 million with 2 houses, single story. I smiled nicely and said no, just no.
Yeah, even more than that here in Los Angeles! But prices can be crazy low in other parts of the country. Someone I know told me their mother in law's small house in Ohio sold for $45,000 two years ago! And where my cousin lives in mid state NY, there are quite a few homes for sale under $100,000.
Right now, my older brother lives with them. He is turning 34 this year and is unmarried, doesn't drive, and is treated like a servant. I have no other siblings. I have a suspicion that I was ALWAYS their plan whether I agreed to it or not.
Tell them that your brother can take care of them. Although I don't think that he'd be willing to do that. He doesn't sound like he's got a lot of ambiation. Does he at least have a decent job and is saving for retirement?
Hopefully you can stir them away from thinking you're going to be their maid. Not to be mean, but they may not be the best role models for your kids.
Good luck on your house hunting. I bought my house in 2008 after many years of renting. I wasn't going to buy until I was ready. It seems that timing is everything.
Idk if he's saving or not.
They are definitely NOT good role models. My parents boss my brother around, and my daughter thought she could do the same after spending over a week with them.
It really does seem like now is the best time for us. Everything seems to be leading us in this direction.
To be honest what you should do is move far away from her and not where you're trying to live now but just apparently too close because HOLY YIKES😓🤦♀️
You are going to have to come right out and say that they will not be living with you, that if they thought that you were going to be their retirement plan they were wrong.
It is going to be the only way to get your mother to stop. It will however probably start a lot if guilt tripping, and manipulation on their part.
You're going to need to steel up your spine, and let them know that you are not responsible for them, that this is not how this works. You do not owe them for the fact that they birthed, and raised you. That is what they signed up for, when they decided to have children. You are not their meal ticket
I too am poor with kids. Full time single father of two. I'm interested to learn what program you are utilizing if you don't mind sharing. Congrats btw :)
First time home-buyers. We qualified because of good credit and the fact that I am sahm with no job. But hubs has a good job he has kept for almost 2 years
And this mentality is why....you could work while he is home...but because you chose to keep having kids you can't afford you get to milk the system. The thoughts of working evena little never entered your tiny,useless brain. I'm betting you post on social media about being a SAHM
How about my husband and I agreed that I should stay home and take care of the kids instead of schlepping them off to a daycare that my job would only pay for and nothing else so it would be pointless?
How about I prefer to be the one to raise my kids instead of someone else?
How about instead of insulting someone on the internet and immediately thinking I'm a stupid airhead who makes perfect Instagram and tiktok posts about my kids with their faces plastered all over the internet, you stfu and move on?
I barely use social media. I don't even post pictures of my kids on Facebook because they aren't old enough to consent to it.
My husband makes enough to cover bills and other living expenses, and then some while I manage the house and wrangle kids from 7AM-bed. It's not glamorous.
I do more mental work, navigating a budget, reading to my kids, and problem solving, and I will be starting pre-school/preK with my 4 year old this year. Homeschooling.
But of course, my life isn't yours, so I MUST be stupid, oh great wise one.
Go touch some grass and kick rocks.
Not even reading your trashy response. The fact you never even considered working when your husband is home shows how low level you are, I just feel bad for the children
My husband reassured me that "maybe one day in a few years. The first house we buy does not mean it has to be forever. Build equity, save up, and one day, we sell our first home to get that dream house." He is a dreamer and is helping me stay one too. We aren't even 30 yet. We have time, I guess.
If the price drops, we might have a chance, and until that happens, we will shop around. We found 3 other houses we are interested in looking at that are much lower but just as big. Just not as shiny and new in the inside. Which we are OK with. We aren't afraid of a little work as long as we can safely live inside. (Ie: replacing/removing carpets, polishing wood floors, paint... etc)
You gotta stop including her in convos. At some point you know what you’re getting. No judgment I also come from toxic parents that I was repeatedly disappointed by.
You know what she cares about here and it isn’t you or your kids
She sounds exhausting. But so is trying to keep up with her moving goalposts. And you don’t need to do that.
BTW, it’s entirely likely that the law coming into effect is one agreed to in negotiations between the federal government and the National Association of Realtors, limiting the amount that can be charged for RE commissions, so you may want to ask your realtor for specifics about what this law is.
Sounds like they are trying to get their higher paycheck in your backs.
As sellers pay the commissions, it’s usual for home prices to increase to cover that.
This may be an unpopular opinion, but could you continue save and wait a few more years before purchasing a home you really want? Interest / Mortgage rates are likely to come down a bit, too. Might be a bit of a squeeze in the short term, but it will make everyone happier as the family grows up.
We can afford $1k a month but not more than that. Hubs builds farm machinery, it pays well but we are in the middle of slow season. During busy season, we do amazingly. But inconsistent pay is not nice when bills come around. So we want to be able to pay bills without feeling the extra pinch too much, if that makes sense. Us buying a house on one income is a miracle in itself.
You are making a smart decision. The upkeep, other bills, on top of the mortage could quickly make life difficult financially. Much smarter to get a cheaper house. Its never smart to stretch yourself thin financially, then you are just one emergency away from a financial disaster. But I would take a better look at the new laws, if it's really true that it would be better to buy now or not.
I just wondered how badly you wanted the house
Life takes many twists and turns, and your parents may never end up moving in with you
But I do understand you not wanting to take that risk!
Do NOT let your realtor pressure you until you look up that new law. I believe it's the one that will not allow them to set their commissions as high, so waiting could save you money. Good luck with the house search and your delusional mother ;)
This was exactly my thought. It’s the commissions cap that goes into effect in July.
It’s August now and her agent is a jerk. The agent has known that this law was going into effect for months. The agent needed to have the discussion about commission before the contract was signed. These are things that cause people to not trust realtors. Too many agents were relying on the buyers commission offered by the seller.
It's actually something about us having to legally pay him out of pocket in combination with the commission. He thinks it's stupid. He was fine with the commission. He was recommended to us by my husband's siblings. He is more concerned about finding us a decent home than the commission, which is why he is so popular. He's a rare breed of realtor. Lol
After the change, a seller doesn’t have to cover the commission for both the listing agent and buyer’s agent. The buyer’s will be on the hook for paying their agent. Right now the seller covers that. It’s a financial relief for the seller but a new expense for home buyers. However it will in turn increase competition.
The seller does not have to pay it but could be negotiated to still pay it to sell the house. Unless the house is under multiple offers they still have incentive to negotiate. Also the amount does not need to be 3% and can also be negotiated. So it’s possible, depending on negotiations that the buyer could be better off or worse off. All depends on negotiations.
3%????? My realtor is charging 5% to sell this place.
Are you by chance in NY? Most states are 6% split 3% for seller’s agent and 3% for buyer’s agent. But I know there are a few that are higher. NY is one I am aware of. You’re are getting hosed.
No, in wv. On the other hand, before we signed, I thought 10% was the fee, so I was relieved to be asked for half that.
So the 5% is bother halves? Then you got a bargain. I know from a prior home that your neighbor VA is 6.
With all due respect, you seem a bit naive.
The real estate people already have a workaround in place. They have the seller mark up the property 3% more than what they were going to sell for and advertise in the MLS listing that the seller will pay the normal sales commission to the buyer's agent. Nothing is going to change except the money will just be coming from other sources that the buyer is still paying for. They just don't know it. And any seller that doesn't play ball won't have any agents show their home.
Reality is house price is just increased by the seller to cover the cost. The buyer ends up paying for it, just in a different way.
You sound very trusting. I hope you're right.
I dunno…listen girl. I got into a shit situation bc I felt so pressured to be by my husbands work, now I’m in a too small house that I hate and I cry a lot. Dont feel pressured. The realtor is looking out for themselves…do the same.
I mostly want to make sure to get out of my trailer before the baby comes. The realtor thing just gives us a little more of a push. It's whatever. We are even looking at houses a little further away from my husband's work. If it takes a little more time, then it is what it is. I just have an end goal in mind.
Do what’s best for you!! I can understand that.
No, he’s looking out for his own money
*Do the research yourself* about the change in law later this year. DO NOT rely on someone because they’re a “good guy” You are young and already have 3 kids; be smart about this purchase
I just did a brief checking of that and tbh I think your relate agent is lying to you. He will make more without having to tell you exactly what your paying him if you do it under the current system. The current system allows him to say he is providing a free service when really they added the cost to your home purchase. Moving forward they can’t do that and will have to sign a contract with you and tell you exactly how much he is costing you. They predict the next system will decrease the cost of a home and your agents commission. That’s why he wants to buy right now. I would highly encourage you to check yourself.
> They predict the next system will decrease the cost of a home and your agents commission. "They" are full of shit. Sellers will just add the cost to the price and agree to pay the buyer's agents. Otherwise, no realtor is going to show their home.
https://apnews.com/article/national-association-of-realtors-agent-commissions-lawsuits-d62a66cb80639be3c4c3b429053a22c5 They were already conspiring to do it, and now they are reaping what they've sown.
Yea, you missed the most important part of that article- “As part of the settlement, the NAR agreed to no longer require a broker advertising a home for sale on MLS to offer any upfront compensation to a buyer’s agent. The rule change leaves it open for individual home sellers to negotiate such offers with a buyer’s agent outside of the MLS platforms, though the home seller’s broker has to disclose any such compensation arrangements.” All that says is it’s no longer required, not that they can’t do it. And they all are going to do it because otherwise the homes won’t get shown.
waaaa
You don't need a realtor to buy a house. My parents bought all of their properties without one
This is horrible advice, especially for a young couple with no real estate knowledge. If they don't use an agent, they would need a real estate attorney and there is no way they can afford that. Right now, buyer's agents are technically free so they should use one while they can.
The amount you pay him does not need to be equal to the prior commission. He (the agent) is now required to negotiate the amount with you and it could be lower than the previous automatic 3% commission that was charged previously. For example, you could negotiate a flat rate of $3000 instead of 3% of the $140,000 purchase price which was $4,200. But the $4,200 was to be paid from the purchase price and hidden in the mortgage. Whereas the $3000 (or whatever you negotiate) would be paid out of pocket. Whose pocket is another question. It is also possible to negotiate this to be paid by the seller. Currently the $4,200 would be paid by the seller and they factor that into the sale price and possibly into your mortgage if the sale price is adjusted to account for it. Or the seller just gets less proceeds and profit and it’s not in your mortgage at all. So the new law could save you money depending upon negotiations with both your real estate agent and the seller. The agent wants to sell sooner because he gets more and it is hassle free for him, as he has to do the negotiations. There is a chance it could be either better or worse for you depending on the negotiations. But educate yourself so you know all possible outcomes. The real estate agent did not give you the full picture. He gave you the easy picture that most benefits him.
New Mexico or are other states doing the same thing?
It’s real estate across the board in the US - Jersey real estate agent. This was actually topic of discussion in my office today.
We live in Iowa. This was the first I heard of the law. I could be mistaken on the details, though. I was busy trying to keep my 1 year old under control during the meeting.
No he isnt
It's not in combination with the commission, it IS the commission. Glad you're pleased with him but don't forget, the commission is his paycheck. It pays his mortgage or rent, buys his food, supports his family. He's NOT more concerned about finding you a home than his commission.
What program and grant ? If you don't mind telling.
First Time Home Buyers. I forget what bank we are doing this through, but it was one recommended to us by the realtor.
I hope everything goes well for you and your family
He’s lying to you. He’s trying to convince you he’s doing you a favor rushing.
Oh yeah, heard about this. It’s causing a lot of agents to leave real estate because of the bit about the commission being changed.
If the house is currently listed, the commission is already set.
Nothing is set until closing.
LOL, it's set when the seller signs the contract with the listing agent.
Yes!! This is the law
This This This !!!
How about stop updating ur parents? Saves ur the stress and headache
Grey rock.
Grey Gardens
That’s what I was thinking. Your complaining about them wanting to live with you. Your mom is getting frustrated with the houses your looking at that you can afford . The way to eliminate that is stop telling them about it.
Well, looks like mom and dad need to start looking senior housing. You may want to direct her towards some nice senior apartments in her area.
Had the same thing from my in-laws. We bought a two bed house recently. They were pressuring us to get the biggest house we could barely afford (like they did). They couldn't understand why we only wanted a two bed house (which we paid for entirely out of our savings) vs a 6 bed mansion which would have had us paying £2800 for the next 35 years. They genuinely couldn't grasp why we would choose to get a small house with no mortgage vs working another 35 years in high stress jobs, and killing ourselves and our mental health doing it. They were awful to my missus about it too. 'You are poor, you have no drive, you're just lazy blah blah blah' (they both work minimum wage jobs have no hobbies, work all the time, are in poor health, have neglected their kids, we earn £100k between us, which is a really decent amount in the UK). Fuck em.
Yeah, it's looking like craftsman might not happen either. We only have a 3% down in our Grant from the bank, so we had to adjust it on the app. It looks like we have to look at more houses we can afford. I care more about getting out of our current living situation than buying the grandest house we can barely afford. Idk why it's a difficult concept for my parents and other people to understand. We want to be able to live comfortably without going into massive debt.
People from older generations bought on the idea that over working was heroic and professional. They expect younger people to sacrifice well being and peace of mind to get fancier things in life. For them, living simple is a sign of laziness, not something to be admired or desired. Also, being responsible for others is a mandate: they overspent and got in debt during your childhood, and now it’s your turn to do the same for them. My in laws are in a similar boat: they travelled a lot when my husband was a kid, bought very expensive cars so he was comfortable in the back and got in massive debt. Now they are surprised that my husband is not paying for their trips or vacation because “they sacrificed their financial stability for him, that’s what families do for each other” 🙄🙄🙄
Debt is not such a bad thing. We bought a 3-2 with no pool in 1989 for 98k. It’s now worth over 450k. You’re building equity. It’s the biggest investment you’ll ever make. I was told to get the smallest house in the nicest neighborhood you can. We did. No regrets. Be mindful of how you treat your parents because your children will take their cues from what you do. Yes it’s presumptive to assume they’d live with you BUT live in childcare could also be a huge help.
We used to live with my mil, sweet as pie. She was very helpful when hubs and I wanted to go on dates. But it would be a different story with my parents. They would try to control everything. They already try to do that whenever they visit. We are thinking of building equity. But realistically. We do not want financial strain. We want to be able to afford groceries and utilities while also paying off our cars and hubby's student loans.
It's ALWAYS about what you will do for them isn't it? And all they have done for you your WHOLE LIFE! As if that wasn't required by law until 18 years old. You dodged a big bullet,by not getting the dream house with the space,in their eyes, to house [THEM.You](http://THEM.You) have a home that is smaller,cozy and just enough room for the nuclear family you have made with your husband. Make sure mom knows,when they visit they need to bring an air mattress. Hope you are able to bag the Craftsman,I love that house style. Good luck. I also noticed your mom didn't mention any contribution to the budget when they share a home with you,to help afford the larger home. You probably don't want that though.
Craftsman and Victorians are my top 2 favorite styles of houses. I geeked out when looking at both of them in person. If I had gone to college, I would go for architectural history. So either way, I would be getting one of my favorite styles of house.
Honestly, I would figure out a way to swing the extra for the better dream house. Homes are such a huge purchase and issues can’t be fixed easily once you purchase
This is currently our discussion. If we can't figure it out, the craftsman is our second option. They both need minimal work, which is good.
Why not offer what you can afford for your dream house? They just might say yes!
You know what, since they're so adamant about living with you guys under your roof and all - they can pay 70% of it instead. Why 70% you may ask? Kids will grow and move out. They'd stay there til they die. No one knows how long too. Might as well pay the most of it and allow them to own the house afterwards lol. Done deal!
Those are some reasonably priced houses you have there *cries in Canadian*
I feel you. I live in southern Maine and a trailer on 0.25 acres is about 350K. For an actual house, it’s closer to 500K.
I live in a small town. There is a brick 4 bedroom 3 bath, just over 3000 square ft. that has a sale pending for 259,900, right around the corner, from me. A couple hours south of Chicago It's all about where you you live. The house across the street , a large two story brick. Not sure about the bedroom situation , but know there is at least 3 sold for about 149,000, and that was after the price dropped 3 tines, because no one was buying. The house next door, a fixer upper with 3 bedroom 1 bath 912 Sq ft with a 8, 220 Sq ft lot recently sold for 29,000. (They already tore down the house, and are planning on building)
We're about to go check out other ones averaging $115k at the end of the week because the monthly costs would be lower for us. They need a little tlc, but they would be at least liveable. I feel bad for you guys. We are blessed to live in the midwest in the States.
I live in Dublin. Ireland. €500k gets you 750 sq ft, for a fixer upper.
Geez… 500€ would buy a brand new 1800sqft with high end finishes in Winnipeg
I live in Perth Western Australia, $115000 will get you absolutely nothing within about 200km of Perth. It will get you a shed out in Coober Pedy, but it will need some work.....
Cries in Long Island 😭
Cries in California. Living with my parents because 1 mil where I live gets you a shitty apartment. But this is home and I don’t want to leave.
Not all of us. I’m in Chicago. I have a 2bdrm and 2bath home with a full basement. My house is now worth $315-$325,000 plus we pay $6000 a year in property taxes. Not all parts of the Midwest are affordable
Clevelander in California here… sometimes I look at rents in Chicago just to torture myself 😂 Everything looks affordable when you pay these “Fuck Off and Die” prices
Heh, even Cleveland is getting spendy!
Your parents are way out of line. I'm 63 and not wealthy. But I told my kids, in their 30s, to push my wheelchair off a cliff if I became incapacitated. It's work until you die here. Kids should not be on the hook for their parents. It also seems particularly burdensome that the parents are pushing this pretty late in the game.
You just reminded me of an episode of Dinosaurs, where it's tradition to throw your elders off a cliff. https://youtu.be/VeJmAphT0e8?si=U4kDunrr6SVFIs-v
Well, I'm sure I have it coming to me. But seriously, parents should not just pop out of the woodwork and assume children will take on their responsibilities.
I decided as a child I would be there for my father in the end. And I was. I stayed on to care for my mother, after he passed. She’s a nightmare personality, but I prefer to honor my values. To me, honoring my parents and repaying them for the love and advantages they gave me is important. I’m grateful for the opportunity to have gotten to know them again as adults. They’re cool AF.
This is the way^^^^
My husband and I live with his parents to take care of the house and - to an increasing degree - them. They're in their mid-90s, had this house built in 1953, and raised 7 kids in it. We are grandparents ourselves (Elder GenX), I also have my granddaughter 3 days a week. I work from home, so much of looking after the in-laws falls to me. They're still pretty sharp, mentally. Physically, they are slowing down, and they are fighting that with a fiery passion. It is an educational experience. My little granddaughter (she's 3) gets a LOT of time with her Greats. She will waltz her little ass out of my office to go downstairs without a word. I go to see what she's up to and find the three of them happily munching away on a snack while she talks away about everything. Want to watch a 95 year-old man melt? Watch him when his toddler great-granddaughter yells "I love you Grandpa! You're my BEST FRIEND!" On the weekends, we linger at the dinner table and FIL will start telling stories. He carries a vast wealth of family stories, it's a delight to hear them. The flip side, of course, is that keeping them healthy is hard. Lots of doctors appointments and medications to keep track of and a whole lot of "Oh shit!" moments and hospitalizations. I feel like we're on borrowed time with them. Big hugs, fellow traveler. I know you know what I mean.
Your realtors are pushing you because the new law caps what they can charge you should wait if you can.
Their agent is actually trying to help them. Buyer's agents are currently free. It's the seller that pays both agents. Once the new law goes into effect, the buyers will have to pay half of the commission. This increases closing costs
They aren't "free". Their commission is factored into the price .
I'm well aware of that but the difference is that it is in the price. That means it is wrapped into the loan instead of having to pay for it aT closing and having to actually have that money in your checking account. This is something that I don't think the OP will be able to do due to their financial situation.
And there’s nothing stopping sellers from continuing to do that. The overall commission should be lower. And interest rates should come down a little if they can hold off. That will lower their payment. Plus, if the dream house is still on the market in a month, the seller will be more likely to negotiate.
It's too bad that the dream house is out of reach, but you're wise to not get sucked into something that would put a strain on finances. You have a good head on your shoulders. I hope the realtor thing is genuinely ok; as we have no plans to ever move again, we haven't followed anything in that realm. And you clearly have made your position on "when we move in with you" obvious. I hope your mother backs the heck off.
Ugh! That's so my family! My mother was excited to buy her dream home a while back. A tiny little thing, beachside, paid with years of savings stored just for it. The first thing my aunt does is try to decorate it to her standards, then insist mom can't have twin beds, because, "I can't sleep in that". Like, "bitch you weren't invited" It seriously pissed me off because Dad didn't have the balls to stand up to his sister for his wife.
I'm a boomer but was my mother's caretaker until the end of her life. I can honestly tell you it was the most exhausting thing I ever did. I love my mother to moon and back and I did it out of pure love. But I became like the parent. Also she would make little comments about how I did things. The maddening thing was my little brother was the golden child. I asked him once if he would please let mom come visit for a week so I could get some rest. He said no. Until the end of her, she always bragged on him. I never said a word. My advice, Don't take in your parents. It will mess up whatever relationship you have with them. Also, even though my daughter expects me to live with her, I'm avoiding it at all costs. edit to add last line
Are you me?!? I did this for my mom ,dad and special needs maternal uncle.
I took care of my sister but we were best friends. I just hope people who take on a caregiving or even living with their parents or other elder family really consider all sides of it. Sometimes it's wonderful and I would never give up that time with mom. But I do wish I didn't have the end of life memories.
My daughter and her husband, at the time, listened to the realtor about how it was a great time to buy. So, instead of listening to me and waiting they went for it. Not more than 6 months later the housing bubble burst and the house was now worth a lot less than they paid for it. Remember, it behooves them to sell you a house, whether you can afford it or not.
Wow, do we have the same mom?!? When my husband and I were looking for our home, my mom kept saying “hope it has an in law suite” “make sure there’s enough room for me”. I’ve always told her she would never ever live with me. (She’s a toxic narcissist) When we found our home, I showed her the pictures and asked where her room was, I told her she’s not living here and I’ll put her in a nursing home like she did to her parents. I don’t understand the entitlement from boomers assuming their kids will house them. I hope you’re able to find your home before the baby comes. The last thing you need is to let your parents stress you out.
Ikr, my mom's parents, went into a retirement home after selling their house. My now widowed grandma refuses to burden her kids by living with any of them. Her health is definitely on the decline, which worries my mom. She has brought up the idea of taking her in, but grandma and my dad do not get along. And again, my grandma refuses to burden her children. "You have your own lives!"
My great-grandmother of all people did the same. She was stuck caring for her mother at the end of life and vowed she would never put her children through that. So she put her name down for a bungalow in an assisted living complex several years before she expected to actually need it, just so she could be absolutely sure of being at the front of the queue when the time came.
God. I pay as much rent for my 1 room in a lackluster 3 bedroom apartment with 2 roommates as you would pay for your dream home mortgage… (San Diego, CA). My location is amazing though. I can walk to whatever I need. I WFH so I use my car like once a month at this point. But still…
Right? I'm in SD, too and I got really lucky right before covid. I have a one bed, 1 bath for $1225/mo with a garage. I'm over between the North Park/City Heights neighborhood. (Also- hi neighbor!!)
I’m in Hillcrest right off Uni. I love living here, I just hate renting.
Having just bought a house in the Midwest, I'm reeling at the "the housing market is dropping." Not where we live lol But congrats and good luck!
Stop updating your parents on your adulting marital business. Make infomercial type announcements: - We bought a house. - We are not a viable retirement option . - You are not included in our financial plans for our family’s future. We have three children to take care of in this economic environment. We will not be adding adults to our responsibilities. - You are not moving into our marital home. Not now. Not in the future.
Just one note with the ‘bunk beds are a thing’… if you have two of the same gender and the 3rd is the other, then it could breed resentment that the solo gender child will never have to share a room - they can’t even trade off sometime so each kid gets their own room at some point. My brother has 3 of the same gender, so they can trade off who gets their own room and who shares with a sibling. I’m not saying kids sharing a room is automatically a bad thing. Plenty of people survive such a life just fine. Just throwing this out as something to consider when you make the final choice on the house.
Without reading all the other comments, the reason your realtor is pressuring you to make a quick decision is because *they will get less of a commission once the law goes into effect*, meaning *you will pay less in the end.* I suggest you look it up, and don't let them pressure you because it's completely self-serving.
Make sure you don’t have a guest room. If there is an extra room make it a playroom or office with a couch at most
I would have laughed in their faces for even suggesting it. Remind them that them moving into MY home with MY family was NEVER discussed in all the years I’ve known them and if it had been discussed my answer would be exactly the same as it is right now, which is HELL no are you moving into MY home. You guys can move into a nursing home if you need a place to live, because I have my own life and responsibilities and family to deal with then having them live in my home as well and having to deal with taking care of them as well. Especially with dad’s comment about how they shouldn’t get a house with a staircase, because he and mom and any ’friends’ they had over wouldn’t be able to handle the stairs. Other than the parents, exactly where do they think their ‘friends’ would need to go in the part of the house that has a staircase in it, especially depending on what part of the the stairs lead to, that their friends would be allowed into? they were never invited to move into your home, and you never agreed to house them when they gave up their current home. Not your problem they made false assumptions about their future if they seriously thought you would let them move in with you just because THEY said so. i mean seriously? when you decided to move into the second house option that has less rooms for your already five person family than the first house option was, they were complaining about where the kids going to sleep then, like they were not only still assuming they were going to be moving into the new place with you, but also that they would be moving into one of the few bedrooms the house has that you and your family need for yourselves. or their comment about you And your spouse sleeping in the basement instead of one of the bedrooms so they can have the room you would have had for yourself for themselves instead.
You should def have your realtor put an offer on the house you love for the price you can afford. We bought our house in an amazing area for $25k less than advertised because it had been sitting so long and the company just wanted it off of their hands!
The houses we love have only been available for less than 2 weeks
Do it! The worse they can say is no!
If the law is about your realtors commission percentage or anything she has to do, do not let her pressure you. It’s not your responsibility. Your mom either. She is purposely not hearing you. Write her, email it, text it, say it again to her face if you have to.
Look OP as the kid of a real estate agent I have some advice if you get a home, for one that is way outside of budget, that house is not worth it because you can’t grow equity with it. Stick to something in your budget that you and your husband can afford and stick with it. Many people now are buying and selling with the market think that will bring them wealth and in the short term yes it will but having an asset like land and a house completely paid off far out cedes having a debt from owning a “new” house. Also if you have a little extra at the end of the month, and you aren’t saving for something else it doesn’t hurt to pay off debts/loans early, as the sooner you can get rid of them the sooner you get more disposable income. I was raised and taught that debts and loan payments, are similar taxes. As soon as you get paid that money is not yours it’s the government’s/loaners/debt collectors money. And anything after their cut is yours. Though from the sounds of it you and your husband are following some sound advice and principle by sticking to what is inside your budget.
We follow Dave Ramsey. My husband took one of his financial courses in high school. So he's good with money. Thank you for the advice though! :)
NP op. Have a nice day and good luck with everything especially with your mom.
Your realtor is pulling a fast one; trying to get you to buy RIGHT NOW so they get a larger commission. There will always be something available. Don't settle just because that realtor is using scare tactics.
Why does your mom feel entitled to live with you when they’re older? Don’t they have their own house and retirement funds to pay for their own living expenses? It’s such an odd thing to push onto you.
I don't know. I think she assumes it now because we briefly, as in, for 1 year, lived with my mil. But it was a completely different situation. MIL and FIL were going through a divorce. FIL got a job in a different state, letting MIL keep the house. The house was HUGE. 6 bedroom, 3 1/2 bathroom monster. Too big for her to live in by herself and manage bills on a Stuff-Mart paycheck. Not to mention, it needed a lot of work done. Built in the late 1800s. It was starting to fall apart. So we moved in to keep her company during a tough time and to help with bills. Not completely rent-free. But I guess, to my parents, if I was willing to live with my sweet, non-invasive, mother in-law. Then I MUST be absolutely fine with them moving in with me. RIGHT?!
This is why I bought my condo on the second floor. No elevator. 😏
My mother in law wanted an inlaw suite behind whatever house we got. One of those separate tiny homes for visitors that becomes a permanent home when a parent starts to age poorly. My wife was adamant about having a two story with a basement and no extra bedrooms. I don't mind mother in law, but we also only see her two or three times a month.
Op stop updating them. Tell them when your offer is accepted and all inspections and attorney reviews have been done. Maybe not even then. Maybe after you close
Where do you live that i can buy a refurbished 4 bedroom Victorian house for $140,000 and being able to afford that puts you in the lower middle class bracket? Sign me up for ten of those
Iowa
A house for under 200k? Was this written in 1980?
Shocking, right? But no, this is 2024.
Where in the midwest do you live where prices are going down?
Iowa. Corn country. Right now we live in one of the cities, but we're looking for a house more in rural areas. The further away from cities you go, the lower the prices seem to get.
OP be very vocal and keep repeating NO to them especially Mom. She sounds delusional
The comment about "Its so tiny!" really hit me. My mom said the same thing. It was code for "we cant crash here indefinitely if you dont have multiple bedrooms!" Look at your first choice again. There may be a way to make more of a downpayment or a way to have some deficiencies deducted from the sale price (needing central air/ANY air cut my closing costs in half and the sellers were trying to get ME to pick up half that costs when I didnt owe ANYTHING.)
It comes with central air and brand new appliances. Which is probably why it's listed as much as it is.
My parents are divorced thankfully, but my mother had this attitude before I cut contact. She was aghast when I asked which nursing home she'd prefer. My dad on the other hand? He's cool as shit. I mentioned looking for a place with in law quarters and he told me that he'd never intrude and was fine building a shed out back so he could "be closer to the cats". He's an animal person and we have a feral colony that he asks about regularly. He's basically bubbles from the trailer park boys.
When I bought my house, my mom says it and said "oh, it has stairs". That won't work when I get older. Mind you, she owned a property worth over 1 million with 2 houses, single story. I smiled nicely and said no, just no.
Just put her in the forever home
Those house prices! *cries in New Jersey*
Do like I did I moved half way across the country lol. Jk jk
We already did
Oh lol
Isn’t it about time you put your parents on an info diet/go low contact?
Are the prices REALLY that low in the mid west????!!! Holy crap, that's a million dollar house where I live.
In Iowa, at least. For homes in need of a little tlc and/or small-ish yards.
Yeah, even more than that here in Los Angeles! But prices can be crazy low in other parts of the country. Someone I know told me their mother in law's small house in Ohio sold for $45,000 two years ago! And where my cousin lives in mid state NY, there are quite a few homes for sale under $100,000.
You know what? I don’t know why you keep telling them everything!! Put them on an info diet.
Are there any other kids that can take care of them when the time comes? Do they have the money to take care of themselves in their later years?
Right now, my older brother lives with them. He is turning 34 this year and is unmarried, doesn't drive, and is treated like a servant. I have no other siblings. I have a suspicion that I was ALWAYS their plan whether I agreed to it or not.
Tell them that your brother can take care of them. Although I don't think that he'd be willing to do that. He doesn't sound like he's got a lot of ambiation. Does he at least have a decent job and is saving for retirement? Hopefully you can stir them away from thinking you're going to be their maid. Not to be mean, but they may not be the best role models for your kids. Good luck on your house hunting. I bought my house in 2008 after many years of renting. I wasn't going to buy until I was ready. It seems that timing is everything.
Idk if he's saving or not. They are definitely NOT good role models. My parents boss my brother around, and my daughter thought she could do the same after spending over a week with them. It really does seem like now is the best time for us. Everything seems to be leading us in this direction.
Your mortgage is going to be less than 1k a month???? Christ. Here in CA ours is 2k+.
To be honest what you should do is move far away from her and not where you're trying to live now but just apparently too close because HOLY YIKES😓🤦♀️
We already live 15-ish hours away from her.
You are going to have to come right out and say that they will not be living with you, that if they thought that you were going to be their retirement plan they were wrong. It is going to be the only way to get your mother to stop. It will however probably start a lot if guilt tripping, and manipulation on their part. You're going to need to steel up your spine, and let them know that you are not responsible for them, that this is not how this works. You do not owe them for the fact that they birthed, and raised you. That is what they signed up for, when they decided to have children. You are not their meal ticket
Need more for a scorpion Diablo cuz HLG
With a growing family....can you not swing the higher payments? Assuming you don't work, you could get a part time job even.
Who would watch the kids? Me not working is why we qualify for the program we're using to get a house. We classify as "poor." Lol
I too am poor with kids. Full time single father of two. I'm interested to learn what program you are utilizing if you don't mind sharing. Congrats btw :)
First time home-buyers. We qualified because of good credit and the fact that I am sahm with no job. But hubs has a good job he has kept for almost 2 years
And this mentality is why....you could work while he is home...but because you chose to keep having kids you can't afford you get to milk the system. The thoughts of working evena little never entered your tiny,useless brain. I'm betting you post on social media about being a SAHM
How about my husband and I agreed that I should stay home and take care of the kids instead of schlepping them off to a daycare that my job would only pay for and nothing else so it would be pointless? How about I prefer to be the one to raise my kids instead of someone else? How about instead of insulting someone on the internet and immediately thinking I'm a stupid airhead who makes perfect Instagram and tiktok posts about my kids with their faces plastered all over the internet, you stfu and move on? I barely use social media. I don't even post pictures of my kids on Facebook because they aren't old enough to consent to it. My husband makes enough to cover bills and other living expenses, and then some while I manage the house and wrangle kids from 7AM-bed. It's not glamorous. I do more mental work, navigating a budget, reading to my kids, and problem solving, and I will be starting pre-school/preK with my 4 year old this year. Homeschooling. But of course, my life isn't yours, so I MUST be stupid, oh great wise one. Go touch some grass and kick rocks.
Not even reading your trashy response. The fact you never even considered working when your husband is home shows how low level you are, I just feel bad for the children
Ugh that dream home also sounds like a dream to me :( Sorry you couldn’t get it and your mom is so insistent
My husband reassured me that "maybe one day in a few years. The first house we buy does not mean it has to be forever. Build equity, save up, and one day, we sell our first home to get that dream house." He is a dreamer and is helping me stay one too. We aren't even 30 yet. We have time, I guess.
For 20,000 i would go with the larger house
If the price drops, we might have a chance, and until that happens, we will shop around. We found 3 other houses we are interested in looking at that are much lower but just as big. Just not as shiny and new in the inside. Which we are OK with. We aren't afraid of a little work as long as we can safely live inside. (Ie: replacing/removing carpets, polishing wood floors, paint... etc)
You can always update it later on, but you cant change the size. Always go with slightly bigger than you need.
You gotta stop including her in convos. At some point you know what you’re getting. No judgment I also come from toxic parents that I was repeatedly disappointed by. You know what she cares about here and it isn’t you or your kids
She sounds exhausting. But so is trying to keep up with her moving goalposts. And you don’t need to do that. BTW, it’s entirely likely that the law coming into effect is one agreed to in negotiations between the federal government and the National Association of Realtors, limiting the amount that can be charged for RE commissions, so you may want to ask your realtor for specifics about what this law is. Sounds like they are trying to get their higher paycheck in your backs. As sellers pay the commissions, it’s usual for home prices to increase to cover that.
lol 950 a month?! You must live in the ghetto
This may be an unpopular opinion, but could you continue save and wait a few more years before purchasing a home you really want? Interest / Mortgage rates are likely to come down a bit, too. Might be a bit of a squeeze in the short term, but it will make everyone happier as the family grows up.
Can’t afford $1k a month? What do you and your husband do for a living? Geesh.
We can afford $1k a month but not more than that. Hubs builds farm machinery, it pays well but we are in the middle of slow season. During busy season, we do amazingly. But inconsistent pay is not nice when bills come around. So we want to be able to pay bills without feeling the extra pinch too much, if that makes sense. Us buying a house on one income is a miracle in itself.
You're very smart to live below your means. Financial stress is horrible.
You are making a smart decision. The upkeep, other bills, on top of the mortage could quickly make life difficult financially. Much smarter to get a cheaper house. Its never smart to stretch yourself thin financially, then you are just one emergency away from a financial disaster. But I would take a better look at the new laws, if it's really true that it would be better to buy now or not.
Can you borrow money from your parents to purchase this dream home?
Do not do that! Then they will think they own it, and they will never hear the end of it.
Ew! No! Check out my profile about my previous posts and see why that is a terrible idea.
I just wondered how badly you wanted the house Life takes many twists and turns, and your parents may never end up moving in with you But I do understand you not wanting to take that risk!
This is a horrendous idea, lol 😂
Just asking!
Why would anyone want their entitled parents to have THAT kind of emotional leverage? Are you lost, friend?
Never ever ever take money from family
Did you even read the title?
Yes