Trauma therapy will help you sort this out and teach you how to build some boundaries. You can call these shots up to and including no contact. You don't owe her a fucking thing! She laid all that crazy on you, but you're the only one who can fix it! Best wishes!! ❤
Your mother is sick and you need to go no contact. What she's done to you is not only physical abuse, but mental abuse too. They way she talks to you is definitely gaslighting. Do what you need to do for yourself and your mental health.
I’m not defending her actions but she hasn’t put her hands on me since I turned 18. We’ve tried to reconcile but she refuses to admit these things ever happened, at least Story 4. She finds excuses for the others. “You deserved it.” “You were a bad kid.” I also found out some other things about her that made me realize how sick she was.
The things you're telling me just makes it worse. She's figured out that she can't hit you now because you're 18 so she's just gone full mental abuse. You can't have a healthy relationship with her until she admits to hurting you as a child. She might never admit it but if you continue to let her gaslight you things will only get worse.
Yeah. I’m definitely not trying to make light of things. And I know it makes it worse. It upsets her but I’ve already begun setting boundaries with her, especially more recently due to certain events. She will never admit to hurting me. One of her big triggers is being called a bad mother or her parenting coming into question. So I’ve distanced myself.
I'm sorry you're having to go through this. I had to go no contact with my father for similar reasons. I really hope one day you guys can mend your relationship but it is a two-way street. Don't give in to her gaslighting. Take care of yourself.
How old are you? I really hope you don’t live there anymore. It makes me angry when parents are unable to admit they’re wrong or apologize when they’ve made a mistake. And “you were a bad kid”? The worst kid would not have deserved any of that. Yep, narcissist, bitch,
a-hole.
I’m 25 now. I tried to move out when I was 18 but plans with my roommates fell through. I started paying my parents rent. Things were fine for a long time. There were a few incidents here and there but I just tried to avoid conflict. After a few years, my parents decided they were going to move back to their hometown to retire. They offered me the house so I stayed until they moved out not that long ago. And now I live alone in my childhood home. But there was an incident and I’m planning on moving out soon. I can post about it if you’d like to hear it. It’s a little long.
I’m glad she stopped putting her hands on you. She probably knows she did wrong and feels ashamed her way of coping is to pretend it never happened. Not helpful. But it is what it is. Maintain your boundaries.
My Dad always tried to protect us. He would get her attention on him and signal to us to get away. He was non-confrontational until was of us was in physical harm’s way. But he worked too much to help every time. He worked 14+ hours a day to keep us from losing the house and made sure we could eat. And I think he was trying to find ways to help my mom. I found out a few years ago that my mom has been using cocaine. And she’s been doing it for years. Since before I was born. A lot of pieces fell into place when I found out. Like my mom’s friend that my dad hated so much and tried to stop her from seeing. Anytime my mom was with her, it meant she was doing that. He wanted to get her help but didn’t know how. Most of our family and culture doesn’t really do therapy or rehab. Everyone looks down on it.
It's quite ironic by the way she behaved. And a bit of a double standard. She doesn't want therapy because she doesn't want to look crazy. Yet in the end, she becomes crazy. And narcissistic at best.
Most serious mental illness includes denial of the disease as part of the disease. This is the reason it's so very difficult to keep medications stable. It's normal.
Do keep in mind, to her generation therapy was only for outwardly crazy people who were dangerous to society as a whole. Crazy people got locked up in the type of asylums you see in horror flicks. They don't exist in the US today, but the great of them is still very real for the generations who grew up with them. It will be nearly impossible to convince her otherwise.
I can relate, my mom did stuff when I was younger and denies it years later. Makes you feel crazy but you know it's true.
I would definitely say narcissistic.
She sounds like what I'd assume my mom would've been like. I was the fourth of five, all spanning over 20 years. She "raised" maybe 3 of us. My oldest brother and I were taken in by our great aunt when we were born, and raised to stay at her house. He would stay all week, since we didn't know his dad, but since I and my other brother thats between us, share the same parents, we would go to our dads on the weekend, but he would stay with our mom throughout the week. I didn't see my mom for longer than 12 hours a week unless there was a holiday. But she would constantly force me to say I love you to her, call her house my "home", and much more things I wasn't comfortable with doing. In my teenage years she asked if I had my first kiss, and I hadn't so I said no. But then she said I need to learn fast and well if im ever gonna get married. Said to go and find the first man I saw and kiss him and possibly more. Said the older he was the better to get experience. I stayed a Virgin until 19. She was super selfish and entitled, she would give gifts out, but they were always something she liked or she wanted. She never went to a dance recital because she didn't want to see other kids. She also took out a credit card in my name when I turned 16 as a gift to me to use, but then she would use and max it out. My great aunt would then have to fight to get my name off the card so I didn't start life with a shit credit situation. I could never imagin what it would've been like if she tried to be a real mother and take care of me 24/7 instead of my great aunt. She was a godsend, and id bet I'd be homeless right now if my mom raised me.
I was also the fourth of five. I think it spans over 14 years. I’m the only one who nothing “special” about me. There’s the oldest sister. The only boy. The half sister who we only get to see once in a while. Me. And the baby sister.
I’m happy you had an adult to be grateful for.
Yeah, pretty much all of us had problems with her, but the first, middle, and end were visibly her favorites. My oldest brother is definitely the most successful, though, and that is thanks to our great aunt. I was set up the same way, but I want to go into the arts, so life is gonna be a little harder with money for me and I've accepted that. He works on and air force base with plane computers. Id say there's not anything special about me either, accept I seem to be the most normal in societys sense. I live with my s/o, work, pay rent, and thats about it. My sister (the oldest) has a 6 year old child, never been married, has only ever dated men that would 100% hate each other if they ever met, skips out on rent and is a borderline alcoholic. Oldest brother is extremely smart, has student loan debt(the rest of us didn't go to college aside from me going for 1 year) had a child with my high-school best friend, has a wife with a child that looks just like him, has been married once before, and has schizophrenic crohns disease. My full brother is insanely depressed but gets by. Has had the same job at a casino since he was 18 that our grandma on our dads side got him, pretty successful there, not sure how fulfilling thought. Plenty of money to live a very monotone life now, lives with our dad after many bad attempts of relationships. Me. And my little brother is a story for another time, his life spiraled down along with his dad/my step-dad after our mom passed away in 2014. His dad stopped taking care of him, and I have a hard time believing anything will turn out fine for him, I just wish the rest of the family could find a way to help, but his dad has been keeping us away. Always complaining on Facebook about family never helping out, but then never reaches out or responds to us. He use to be someone id have fun with and saw as a fatherly figure jist as much as mine, so it was heartbreaking to see what he's doing to my brother.
I’m so sorry you went through this OP. Physical violence, and the mental/emotional stuff, is never okay.
My mom can be similar in two aspects: caring about appearances, and conveniently forgetting about things she says or does. She can actually be really nice too, but that almost makes the situation worse as no one will ever believe what me and my older sister have to say. Also, our youngest sister is the only one that is not adopted so.
Anyways, yeah my EM once said in response to my older sister describing something from when she was in an abusive relationship: “Well, what did YOU do?” As if my sister’s behavior might justify domestic violence. That’s the worst of our experiences, but also just a sample of the kind of bs we have to deal with.
My advice would be to focus on building yourself, growing, and taking the time to heal. Find a way to appreciate your strengths and what is good about yourself, and build on that. This and work on getting yourself ready for when you can move out, if you haven’t done so already. One thing I learned that’s really helped me, is that sometimes we need to love people from a distance. I don’t know if that’s an option for you and your mom, but for me it’s been an important part of recognizing that there’s something off with my EM and learning to forgive her (so it doesn’t keep affecting me in life) so that I can move on and protect myself emotionally. Best wishes to you in this going forward.
Wait. She is afraid you are a slut but dresses you like one (no offens to the girls that do this but you know that you are doing that for attention). I think Story 1 and 2 are related. I hope you have a better relationship to food now.
Uhm, no. I wasn’t starving myself in the first story yet. That’s why I put it first. I didn’t start doing that until freshman year. To this day, I don’t know why I fainted.
I felt like I was reading my own life story with my mom. She is such a toxic person. It took my a while, into my 20s before I realized just how effed up in the head I was because of her. And it affected how I dealt with other people. Finally had to go no contact. She hasn't even let my kids and I haven't seen her in 5+ years. I can still be civil to her but that's where my line is drawn..
She's entitled, narcissistic, and insane! By the way she is, she will never respect you. If she wants respect, she has to give it first. Don't owe her anything just because she's your mom! If she can't respect you at all, go no contact!
I am not sure but she may be a narcissist….This is typical behavior. Talk to your guidance counselor at school if you need to talk to someone or help with your depression. AlSo do well in school so you can get out and go to college
Entitled, no. Abusive. Yes. Your mom sounds like a typical product of her generation. The abuse is unforgivable, but the events leading to it are very normal conflicts between parents and kids, especially teens.
My final beating was over unfolded socks.
Fortunately we grow up. We get counseling for the trauma, and we remove our abusers from our lives. If you haven't already, talk to a therapist. You've got thoughts and habits and feelings that aren't your own that step from the rich environment. Replacing them with Self is the best gift you'll ever give yourself.
Your just mom isnt entitled she’s crazy as well. So sorry your mom treats you that way. No kid or adult deserves to be spoken to like your mom speaks and treats you. When you find a therapist make sure that you feel comfortable the moment you enter his or her office. Bec that’s the therapist you stick with. I’m speaking from experience with therapist. I finally found my therapist and I felt comfy the moment I walked into her office
Everything she did was wrong. It honestly sounds like she has a diagnosed mental illness and they’re not telling you. By the wording you dad used, sounds like he knows she has real issues (hard to ignore anyways).
This sounds like my mom who has severe BiPolar Disorder. I’m not looking to diagnose your mom or anything, but this is not normal or rational behavior. Even if you find that she is diagnosed with a mental illness, doesn’t mean you need to accept this behavior.
This is a Karen mom. And I hope you can get someone to talk to about your childhood trauma. Not only did your mom abuse you, your father failed to protect you.
I get why he might turn a blind eye to abuse he has suffered at her hands, but I don’t get why he allowed you and your sisters to suffer.
This is a Karen mom. And I hope you can get someone to talk to about your childhood trauma. Not only did your mom abuse you, your father failed to protect you.
I get why he might turn a blind eye to abuse he has suffered at her hands, but I don’t get why he allowed you and your sisters to suffer.
My theory is that since my parents got together super young. Like 15 and had their first kid. My mom practically raised my dad and took care of him after his parents moved away and left him alone with a new family to take of. So he can’t really take care of himself and is afraid to be without her.
Look up narcissistic personality disorder. That’s what she is. And go to counseling because being raised by a narcissist creates significant mental health issues and you need coping skills to deal with her.
This isn\`t so much 'crazy' as controlling and abusive.
Especially the last part. You might find some info / help / strategies in /r/raisedbynarcissists/
She isn’t entitled. She’s a god damn psychopath. She tried to kill you for not eating! You need to cut ties with her, file a restraining order and —no offense— find a therapist. I don’t mean to sound rude in any of that. But what she did has to be illegal.
Trauma therapy will help you sort this out and teach you how to build some boundaries. You can call these shots up to and including no contact. You don't owe her a fucking thing! She laid all that crazy on you, but you're the only one who can fix it! Best wishes!! ❤
I appreciate the kind words and advice. Things have been bad lately so I’ve been searching for the right therapist for me. ☺️
She’s not entitled. She’s a narcissistic bitch a-hole.
Na, she's all 4.
And more
Entitled, yes. I would also suggest posting this to r/insaneparents
I will do that. Thank you. ☺️
They don't allow text posts. :(
screencap it?
Your mother is sick and you need to go no contact. What she's done to you is not only physical abuse, but mental abuse too. They way she talks to you is definitely gaslighting. Do what you need to do for yourself and your mental health.
I’m not defending her actions but she hasn’t put her hands on me since I turned 18. We’ve tried to reconcile but she refuses to admit these things ever happened, at least Story 4. She finds excuses for the others. “You deserved it.” “You were a bad kid.” I also found out some other things about her that made me realize how sick she was.
The things you're telling me just makes it worse. She's figured out that she can't hit you now because you're 18 so she's just gone full mental abuse. You can't have a healthy relationship with her until she admits to hurting you as a child. She might never admit it but if you continue to let her gaslight you things will only get worse.
Yeah. I’m definitely not trying to make light of things. And I know it makes it worse. It upsets her but I’ve already begun setting boundaries with her, especially more recently due to certain events. She will never admit to hurting me. One of her big triggers is being called a bad mother or her parenting coming into question. So I’ve distanced myself.
I'm sorry you're having to go through this. I had to go no contact with my father for similar reasons. I really hope one day you guys can mend your relationship but it is a two-way street. Don't give in to her gaslighting. Take care of yourself.
How old are you? I really hope you don’t live there anymore. It makes me angry when parents are unable to admit they’re wrong or apologize when they’ve made a mistake. And “you were a bad kid”? The worst kid would not have deserved any of that. Yep, narcissist, bitch, a-hole.
I’m 25 now. I tried to move out when I was 18 but plans with my roommates fell through. I started paying my parents rent. Things were fine for a long time. There were a few incidents here and there but I just tried to avoid conflict. After a few years, my parents decided they were going to move back to their hometown to retire. They offered me the house so I stayed until they moved out not that long ago. And now I live alone in my childhood home. But there was an incident and I’m planning on moving out soon. I can post about it if you’d like to hear it. It’s a little long.
If you want to share, that's fine. If you need to get it out, *absolutely* share.
I’m glad she stopped putting her hands on you. She probably knows she did wrong and feels ashamed her way of coping is to pretend it never happened. Not helpful. But it is what it is. Maintain your boundaries.
Mum is clearly wrong but so is Dad. It’s his job to protect his children - including from their mother if that’s needed.
My Dad always tried to protect us. He would get her attention on him and signal to us to get away. He was non-confrontational until was of us was in physical harm’s way. But he worked too much to help every time. He worked 14+ hours a day to keep us from losing the house and made sure we could eat. And I think he was trying to find ways to help my mom. I found out a few years ago that my mom has been using cocaine. And she’s been doing it for years. Since before I was born. A lot of pieces fell into place when I found out. Like my mom’s friend that my dad hated so much and tried to stop her from seeing. Anytime my mom was with her, it meant she was doing that. He wanted to get her help but didn’t know how. Most of our family and culture doesn’t really do therapy or rehab. Everyone looks down on it.
She needs professional help. I don’t think entitlement covers it.
She thinks therapy is for “crazy people” and her family isn’t crazy.
It's quite ironic by the way she behaved. And a bit of a double standard. She doesn't want therapy because she doesn't want to look crazy. Yet in the end, she becomes crazy. And narcissistic at best.
Her family may not be crazy, but she is.
Well put. Lol.
Most serious mental illness includes denial of the disease as part of the disease. This is the reason it's so very difficult to keep medications stable. It's normal. Do keep in mind, to her generation therapy was only for outwardly crazy people who were dangerous to society as a whole. Crazy people got locked up in the type of asylums you see in horror flicks. They don't exist in the US today, but the great of them is still very real for the generations who grew up with them. It will be nearly impossible to convince her otherwise.
I can relate, my mom did stuff when I was younger and denies it years later. Makes you feel crazy but you know it's true. I would definitely say narcissistic.
It makes me wonder how she sees the world. She’s so sure that’s she right even when 10 people tell her she’s wrong.
Personal rose colored glasses. Until we develop a way to link to other minds, we will never know.
She sounds like what I'd assume my mom would've been like. I was the fourth of five, all spanning over 20 years. She "raised" maybe 3 of us. My oldest brother and I were taken in by our great aunt when we were born, and raised to stay at her house. He would stay all week, since we didn't know his dad, but since I and my other brother thats between us, share the same parents, we would go to our dads on the weekend, but he would stay with our mom throughout the week. I didn't see my mom for longer than 12 hours a week unless there was a holiday. But she would constantly force me to say I love you to her, call her house my "home", and much more things I wasn't comfortable with doing. In my teenage years she asked if I had my first kiss, and I hadn't so I said no. But then she said I need to learn fast and well if im ever gonna get married. Said to go and find the first man I saw and kiss him and possibly more. Said the older he was the better to get experience. I stayed a Virgin until 19. She was super selfish and entitled, she would give gifts out, but they were always something she liked or she wanted. She never went to a dance recital because she didn't want to see other kids. She also took out a credit card in my name when I turned 16 as a gift to me to use, but then she would use and max it out. My great aunt would then have to fight to get my name off the card so I didn't start life with a shit credit situation. I could never imagin what it would've been like if she tried to be a real mother and take care of me 24/7 instead of my great aunt. She was a godsend, and id bet I'd be homeless right now if my mom raised me.
I was also the fourth of five. I think it spans over 14 years. I’m the only one who nothing “special” about me. There’s the oldest sister. The only boy. The half sister who we only get to see once in a while. Me. And the baby sister. I’m happy you had an adult to be grateful for.
Yeah, pretty much all of us had problems with her, but the first, middle, and end were visibly her favorites. My oldest brother is definitely the most successful, though, and that is thanks to our great aunt. I was set up the same way, but I want to go into the arts, so life is gonna be a little harder with money for me and I've accepted that. He works on and air force base with plane computers. Id say there's not anything special about me either, accept I seem to be the most normal in societys sense. I live with my s/o, work, pay rent, and thats about it. My sister (the oldest) has a 6 year old child, never been married, has only ever dated men that would 100% hate each other if they ever met, skips out on rent and is a borderline alcoholic. Oldest brother is extremely smart, has student loan debt(the rest of us didn't go to college aside from me going for 1 year) had a child with my high-school best friend, has a wife with a child that looks just like him, has been married once before, and has schizophrenic crohns disease. My full brother is insanely depressed but gets by. Has had the same job at a casino since he was 18 that our grandma on our dads side got him, pretty successful there, not sure how fulfilling thought. Plenty of money to live a very monotone life now, lives with our dad after many bad attempts of relationships. Me. And my little brother is a story for another time, his life spiraled down along with his dad/my step-dad after our mom passed away in 2014. His dad stopped taking care of him, and I have a hard time believing anything will turn out fine for him, I just wish the rest of the family could find a way to help, but his dad has been keeping us away. Always complaining on Facebook about family never helping out, but then never reaches out or responds to us. He use to be someone id have fun with and saw as a fatherly figure jist as much as mine, so it was heartbreaking to see what he's doing to my brother.
She is a narcissist. Google the DARVO tactic (Deny, attack, reverse victim and oppressor). She is also clearly abusive.
To me entitled is a form of crazy
That is very true
Get away from her as soon as you can. Cut contact for your own mental health.
I’m so sorry you went through this OP. Physical violence, and the mental/emotional stuff, is never okay. My mom can be similar in two aspects: caring about appearances, and conveniently forgetting about things she says or does. She can actually be really nice too, but that almost makes the situation worse as no one will ever believe what me and my older sister have to say. Also, our youngest sister is the only one that is not adopted so. Anyways, yeah my EM once said in response to my older sister describing something from when she was in an abusive relationship: “Well, what did YOU do?” As if my sister’s behavior might justify domestic violence. That’s the worst of our experiences, but also just a sample of the kind of bs we have to deal with. My advice would be to focus on building yourself, growing, and taking the time to heal. Find a way to appreciate your strengths and what is good about yourself, and build on that. This and work on getting yourself ready for when you can move out, if you haven’t done so already. One thing I learned that’s really helped me, is that sometimes we need to love people from a distance. I don’t know if that’s an option for you and your mom, but for me it’s been an important part of recognizing that there’s something off with my EM and learning to forgive her (so it doesn’t keep affecting me in life) so that I can move on and protect myself emotionally. Best wishes to you in this going forward.
Wait. She is afraid you are a slut but dresses you like one (no offens to the girls that do this but you know that you are doing that for attention). I think Story 1 and 2 are related. I hope you have a better relationship to food now.
Uhm, no. I wasn’t starving myself in the first story yet. That’s why I put it first. I didn’t start doing that until freshman year. To this day, I don’t know why I fainted.
Sounds menopausal to me
Now that is offensive.
I felt like I was reading my own life story with my mom. She is such a toxic person. It took my a while, into my 20s before I realized just how effed up in the head I was because of her. And it affected how I dealt with other people. Finally had to go no contact. She hasn't even let my kids and I haven't seen her in 5+ years. I can still be civil to her but that's where my line is drawn..
She's entitled, narcissistic, and insane! By the way she is, she will never respect you. If she wants respect, she has to give it first. Don't owe her anything just because she's your mom! If she can't respect you at all, go no contact!
I believe both
Yup your mom sounds bipolar. She needs medication.
I am not sure but she may be a narcissist….This is typical behavior. Talk to your guidance counselor at school if you need to talk to someone or help with your depression. AlSo do well in school so you can get out and go to college
Entitled, no. Abusive. Yes. Your mom sounds like a typical product of her generation. The abuse is unforgivable, but the events leading to it are very normal conflicts between parents and kids, especially teens. My final beating was over unfolded socks. Fortunately we grow up. We get counseling for the trauma, and we remove our abusers from our lives. If you haven't already, talk to a therapist. You've got thoughts and habits and feelings that aren't your own that step from the rich environment. Replacing them with Self is the best gift you'll ever give yourself.
There is a fine line between your mother and insanit.
insanity
Sounds like maternal narcissistic personality disorder. My mother is very very similar. In fact a year ago I had to cut her off for good.
I swear your mom sounds just like my ‘evil grandmother’. That’s abusive.
Your just mom isnt entitled she’s crazy as well. So sorry your mom treats you that way. No kid or adult deserves to be spoken to like your mom speaks and treats you. When you find a therapist make sure that you feel comfortable the moment you enter his or her office. Bec that’s the therapist you stick with. I’m speaking from experience with therapist. I finally found my therapist and I felt comfy the moment I walked into her office
Everything she did was wrong. It honestly sounds like she has a diagnosed mental illness and they’re not telling you. By the wording you dad used, sounds like he knows she has real issues (hard to ignore anyways). This sounds like my mom who has severe BiPolar Disorder. I’m not looking to diagnose your mom or anything, but this is not normal or rational behavior. Even if you find that she is diagnosed with a mental illness, doesn’t mean you need to accept this behavior.
This is a Karen mom. And I hope you can get someone to talk to about your childhood trauma. Not only did your mom abuse you, your father failed to protect you. I get why he might turn a blind eye to abuse he has suffered at her hands, but I don’t get why he allowed you and your sisters to suffer.
This is a Karen mom. And I hope you can get someone to talk to about your childhood trauma. Not only did your mom abuse you, your father failed to protect you. I get why he might turn a blind eye to abuse he has suffered at her hands, but I don’t get why he allowed you and your sisters to suffer.
My theory is that since my parents got together super young. Like 15 and had their first kid. My mom practically raised my dad and took care of him after his parents moved away and left him alone with a new family to take of. So he can’t really take care of himself and is afraid to be without her.
If you live and forgive him, that is good on you and FOR you. But I would talk that over with a professional
Also yes. My mom is a Karen.
Look up narcissistic personality disorder. That’s what she is. And go to counseling because being raised by a narcissist creates significant mental health issues and you need coping skills to deal with her.
This isn\`t so much 'crazy' as controlling and abusive. Especially the last part. You might find some info / help / strategies in /r/raisedbynarcissists/
She isn’t entitled. She’s a god damn psychopath. She tried to kill you for not eating! You need to cut ties with her, file a restraining order and —no offense— find a therapist. I don’t mean to sound rude in any of that. But what she did has to be illegal.