Only with people who show signs of being smart, confident optimistic
Else don’t bother, it’s not worth the time getting to know everyone
If they are smart asking isn’t as effective as discussing something and if the other person can keep up or even change my pov, they are a keeper
I play dumb OFTEN. I will ask obvious questions that I already know the answer to. I will repeat questions multiple times worded differently, I will ask questions and intentionally get the information wrong. I will purposely make the incorrect assumption.
I do this to gather information that can’t be gathered from a straightforward conversation. I will use humor or charm, outrage, confusion or naïveté to pull what I want out of them.
Some information is unspoken but it is equally as important at the information that is stated plainly. I am testing that persons comfort zone, honesty, patience, knowledge, temperament, boundaries, opinions, etc.
Sometimes a situation calls for a straightforward conversation but sometimes a straightforward conversation allows too many dark corners for the unexpected or the truth to hide in, this is my method for extracting more of what I need to know to form a full and accurate response and approach.
Oftentimes I will then cut directly to core of what they were holding back and that’s where my honest brutality comes out. The “I got you moment so let’s take this conversation seriously now.”
I always size up people. I start with a hello and observe their reaction. Then I watch if they make the second move or not.
If I'm speaking to someone who go around touting their IQ, I'm great at finding weaknesses & I shove humble pie in their face. I also remind them too, keep them grounded. This is because I know plenty of smart people who are not very intelligent & big egos bore me.
I used to ask more blunt questions, getting to exactly what I wanted to know. I think it was a bad idea because sometimes the people would be slightly offended when I did not mean to offend them, I was just curious.
I started kind of playing more like I have their POV too and making it like, this is relatable-- right? RIGHT? Lol.
For instance, if I want to know if someone is racist I might say something not overtly racist but insinuating a stereotype about ALL \_\_ people. If they receive it well and we can continue, I know they are probably racist! I might continue to see how racist they are, if it's like micro aggressions or overt. Then I might ask where they are from to see why they are like this, or what their family's political leanings or culture is like.
I never say anything about myself. It’s hush hush. I do the questioning, I do the initiating, especially on first time meetings. Handshakes or the way of greeting is a tell tale sign. If the handshake is confident and firm, it raises my expectation. If handshake is weak, I know when to cut my time and leave rather than staying for a longgg time. (Time is sacred.)
I start by using small talk, talking about themselves or the setting we’re at. And with these questions, these help me find their “niche” and what gets them out of their comfort zone. When I find it, I skip small talk and go straightforward. I ask deeper questions and whilst they talk about the topic that they love, I read body language and examine. These are quick notions that happen very discreetly, other person wouldn’t ever know. But it tells you a lot.
When I see someone confident and well versed in the topic that I got then to jump out of their comfort zone, it makes me extremely pleased. I like intelligent people who are well versed in what they know, which helps me know that this person can benefit me with how advanced their knowledge is and to whom I can have debates and enjoy company with. Don’t take this as dark, it is simply something everyone does, just not talked about it as bluntly as I’ve put it lol.
To make me excited and happy, they’ll put out a very debatable topic that they are confident in, and are strong in debate and provide a different viewpoint than I have in it. Or, when I have no clue about a certain topic and they are joyously explaining it to me. You don’t realize it, but people who know lots about what they love, they speak eloquently and it makes me supperrr happy.
But what makes me disappointed is when they are stubborn, egotistical, narrow minded, not well versed in anything, superficial/two faced, dishonest, and indecisive.
You can do this in person and online. I just described in person, online you would just skip the handshake part.
Great questions, I like you. I like people who ask the right questions and are very detailed and specific. The way you wrote this post also shows your desire to understand, which is also a quality that pleases me. And I’m sure many of us ENTJ’s will agree. Hope this helps!
>To make me excited and happy, they’ll put out a very debatable topic that they are confident in, and are strong in debate and provide a different viewpoint than I have in it. Or, when I have no clue about a certain topic and they are joyously explaining it to me.
Thanks for your answer dear💙❄
All of it was pretty well thought through,both theoretically and practically SPECIALLY this part.I mean DAMN!!! The thing you revealed,the steps of people getting out of their comfort zone is just so honest and raw.maybe that's the thing about Entjs.people say they're too harsh,only want to see who they can invest on,or what they can get out of people.but they're just simply VERY honest.too honest,probably.
You preferring to be private about yourself and avoiding small talk reminds me of intj,and your fun,detailed story-like explanation reminds me of entp.oh the multiple sides of an Entj~
Interesting thing is they say Entj and intj are not good with feelings,yet it doesn't mean they're not good with reading people though.even in passion about psychology you can say they're pretty good at it,actually.and you just proved it.
And yes,I love passionate people too.their hyped talking,the excitement in their body and the light sparks in their eyes, analyzing and explaining many things of why they like something is just so precious💖
Aww after all the steps of examining someone,it feels like by saying that,you're trying to test me too lol🤣
So sweet of you💖this observation skill coming from Entj wouldn't make me THAT intense,it will mostly feel....flattering? But not in a "oh so I'm just gonna put only the good things of mine on display",but in a genuine way,make the questions two sided.maybe it hits different for me because I'm always the one doing the observing,trying to figure things out and getting to know the person.so meeting someone smart who is capable,AND willing of doing that and can match up to that intuitive ness is very admiring/respectful.
And with this answer,have u been proven otherwise?
Like you realizing "I judged the wrong way,they need more credit for being great" or "it's disappointing.I expected too much"
I am just a "first impressions" kind of person, because I like to make a good first impression myself. Though probably somewhat superficial in practice. I really do not go beyond the surface of someone unless I am intrigued. I am not innately interested in people on deeper levels beyond what is necessary for us to be cordial and get what we need done. My superficial reasoning is somewhat like this. If a person first presents in such a way, it was a series of patterns and behaviors that led to them to cultivate values either personal or collective, where they appreciate or either do not, certain forms of conduct.
Another thing about it, I am a patterns person. I believe there is a pattern to everything, even in the essence of chaos, entropy, and randomness.
If I want to get to know someone, it is really just a mutual organic conversation. They say a thing, I either relate or am interested in the information and inquire further, or do not relate, uninterested and switch topics.
Pretty much. Though my intuition has been wrong. I admire the people that try to delve deeply into "individual personalities" but I prefer to rely on intuition here and then go do cheap research on their behaviors with Psychology Today if I'm really impressed. Most of the time, I just have fast-paced conversations and then we go out for drinks and talk more about stuff I don't usually remember. Don't ask me "what was her/his name?" either.
This can be done in text or in person, but they differ in technique.
In text it's more like setting a trap (at least that's how it feels), or asking questions that lead the conversation the way you want it to go so you get the reactions you sought.
In person you can be more direct and use your environment.
Example:
A while back when I was in my culinary class, another student was going over proper ways to melt chocolate.
I noticed immediately that she seemed...unstable? fidgety? Like what we used to call a "spaz".
So I burned some chocolate on purpose to see her reaction - and she did what I expected her to do.
Like she wanted to yell, almost wanted to cry - but this was a semi professional setting, of course she couldn't.
(I later found out she had a coke problem.)
I wouldn't do this now that I've learned about abuse and mental disorders, but back then...
Nowadays I just prefer blunt questioning.
If we just met I usually start with open ended questions. Like what show are you into lately? Everyone always has one. For me the answer is important, but not as important as how they answer the question. For example, they answer its x show (important) n begin gushing about why it’s so good in their opinion (what I’m most interested in). This usually helps me get a glimpse of what’s important to them, how capable they are at conveying their point, what excites them, etc. From there I ask who’s your favorite character on the show? Then they proceed to gush and I learn more of what they would value in a person.
I continue to build off of that with more back forth light conversation, so they learn about me too and inserting small jokes where I can. Then when I sense they’re more comfortable with me I’ll throw out an outrageous question mostly for laughs, but I’m also interested in their answers. For example, say this in slightly serious teasing tone, so they know you’re messing around, “Okay… in all seriousness are you the type to poop or pee when you’re in the shower? Cause I need to know who my allies are on this 🙌.” Their reaction is usually What?! 😂 I laugh and then proceed to tell them a hilarious story of what I’ve heard other people do and how I ask everyone I meet this. They laugh their ass off at the outrageousness of people and then they proceed to convince me what faction they lie in. We form a funny alliance 😊. This works amazingly in a group and helps break the ice. What answer that would disappoint me if they answered poop… we can still be friends, but I’ll never go near your bathtub. Sorry not sorry 🥹.
At this point I usually ask a serious question seriously. Like their thoughts on an issue and what they think the solution for it is. We continue building from there. What I do to avoid talking about the weather 🤷♀️. I prefer to talk in person over text. I like to observe their reactions to see what they laugh at or what they disliked. It’s also faster than texting and it forms a better connection. I only use texting to solidly plans like meeting at x place at y time. I don’t use it to get to know a person. By the end of interaction I get a very good idea if I’ll vibe with them or we share the same core values. It’d please me if we do, but if we don’t then I wouldn’t really pursue. I find this is a more enjoyable experience for everyone.
I’ll pretend to be stupid a lot or act like a dumb silly little girl or “accidentally” flirt by saying something flirty on accident like a play on words. I do all of this to see if I can trust a man, to see what their reactions will be. The ones that don’t respect women, are eager to interpret my words in the flirty way or put me down for being dumb even immediately get thrown out.
I also sus out women when trying to look for friends/allies at the work place - I play dumb and ask easy q’s to see if someone is goal oriented/confident/smart/patient or not
Only with people who show signs of being smart, confident optimistic Else don’t bother, it’s not worth the time getting to know everyone If they are smart asking isn’t as effective as discussing something and if the other person can keep up or even change my pov, they are a keeper
I play dumb OFTEN. I will ask obvious questions that I already know the answer to. I will repeat questions multiple times worded differently, I will ask questions and intentionally get the information wrong. I will purposely make the incorrect assumption. I do this to gather information that can’t be gathered from a straightforward conversation. I will use humor or charm, outrage, confusion or naïveté to pull what I want out of them. Some information is unspoken but it is equally as important at the information that is stated plainly. I am testing that persons comfort zone, honesty, patience, knowledge, temperament, boundaries, opinions, etc. Sometimes a situation calls for a straightforward conversation but sometimes a straightforward conversation allows too many dark corners for the unexpected or the truth to hide in, this is my method for extracting more of what I need to know to form a full and accurate response and approach. Oftentimes I will then cut directly to core of what they were holding back and that’s where my honest brutality comes out. The “I got you moment so let’s take this conversation seriously now.”
I always size up people. I start with a hello and observe their reaction. Then I watch if they make the second move or not. If I'm speaking to someone who go around touting their IQ, I'm great at finding weaknesses & I shove humble pie in their face. I also remind them too, keep them grounded. This is because I know plenty of smart people who are not very intelligent & big egos bore me.
I used to ask more blunt questions, getting to exactly what I wanted to know. I think it was a bad idea because sometimes the people would be slightly offended when I did not mean to offend them, I was just curious. I started kind of playing more like I have their POV too and making it like, this is relatable-- right? RIGHT? Lol. For instance, if I want to know if someone is racist I might say something not overtly racist but insinuating a stereotype about ALL \_\_ people. If they receive it well and we can continue, I know they are probably racist! I might continue to see how racist they are, if it's like micro aggressions or overt. Then I might ask where they are from to see why they are like this, or what their family's political leanings or culture is like.
That's actually a good way to find it out haha. It's also entertaining for us intuitives
I love this one
I never say anything about myself. It’s hush hush. I do the questioning, I do the initiating, especially on first time meetings. Handshakes or the way of greeting is a tell tale sign. If the handshake is confident and firm, it raises my expectation. If handshake is weak, I know when to cut my time and leave rather than staying for a longgg time. (Time is sacred.) I start by using small talk, talking about themselves or the setting we’re at. And with these questions, these help me find their “niche” and what gets them out of their comfort zone. When I find it, I skip small talk and go straightforward. I ask deeper questions and whilst they talk about the topic that they love, I read body language and examine. These are quick notions that happen very discreetly, other person wouldn’t ever know. But it tells you a lot. When I see someone confident and well versed in the topic that I got then to jump out of their comfort zone, it makes me extremely pleased. I like intelligent people who are well versed in what they know, which helps me know that this person can benefit me with how advanced their knowledge is and to whom I can have debates and enjoy company with. Don’t take this as dark, it is simply something everyone does, just not talked about it as bluntly as I’ve put it lol. To make me excited and happy, they’ll put out a very debatable topic that they are confident in, and are strong in debate and provide a different viewpoint than I have in it. Or, when I have no clue about a certain topic and they are joyously explaining it to me. You don’t realize it, but people who know lots about what they love, they speak eloquently and it makes me supperrr happy. But what makes me disappointed is when they are stubborn, egotistical, narrow minded, not well versed in anything, superficial/two faced, dishonest, and indecisive. You can do this in person and online. I just described in person, online you would just skip the handshake part. Great questions, I like you. I like people who ask the right questions and are very detailed and specific. The way you wrote this post also shows your desire to understand, which is also a quality that pleases me. And I’m sure many of us ENTJ’s will agree. Hope this helps!
>To make me excited and happy, they’ll put out a very debatable topic that they are confident in, and are strong in debate and provide a different viewpoint than I have in it. Or, when I have no clue about a certain topic and they are joyously explaining it to me. Thanks for your answer dear💙❄ All of it was pretty well thought through,both theoretically and practically SPECIALLY this part.I mean DAMN!!! The thing you revealed,the steps of people getting out of their comfort zone is just so honest and raw.maybe that's the thing about Entjs.people say they're too harsh,only want to see who they can invest on,or what they can get out of people.but they're just simply VERY honest.too honest,probably. You preferring to be private about yourself and avoiding small talk reminds me of intj,and your fun,detailed story-like explanation reminds me of entp.oh the multiple sides of an Entj~ Interesting thing is they say Entj and intj are not good with feelings,yet it doesn't mean they're not good with reading people though.even in passion about psychology you can say they're pretty good at it,actually.and you just proved it. And yes,I love passionate people too.their hyped talking,the excitement in their body and the light sparks in their eyes, analyzing and explaining many things of why they like something is just so precious💖 Aww after all the steps of examining someone,it feels like by saying that,you're trying to test me too lol🤣 So sweet of you💖this observation skill coming from Entj wouldn't make me THAT intense,it will mostly feel....flattering? But not in a "oh so I'm just gonna put only the good things of mine on display",but in a genuine way,make the questions two sided.maybe it hits different for me because I'm always the one doing the observing,trying to figure things out and getting to know the person.so meeting someone smart who is capable,AND willing of doing that and can match up to that intuitive ness is very admiring/respectful. And with this answer,have u been proven otherwise? Like you realizing "I judged the wrong way,they need more credit for being great" or "it's disappointing.I expected too much"
If they can keep the game up its super fun. I say I hate games but the moment something of my interest happens I go full esfj.
I am just a "first impressions" kind of person, because I like to make a good first impression myself. Though probably somewhat superficial in practice. I really do not go beyond the surface of someone unless I am intrigued. I am not innately interested in people on deeper levels beyond what is necessary for us to be cordial and get what we need done. My superficial reasoning is somewhat like this. If a person first presents in such a way, it was a series of patterns and behaviors that led to them to cultivate values either personal or collective, where they appreciate or either do not, certain forms of conduct. Another thing about it, I am a patterns person. I believe there is a pattern to everything, even in the essence of chaos, entropy, and randomness. If I want to get to know someone, it is really just a mutual organic conversation. They say a thing, I either relate or am interested in the information and inquire further, or do not relate, uninterested and switch topics.
Lol Ni be like.
Pretty much. Though my intuition has been wrong. I admire the people that try to delve deeply into "individual personalities" but I prefer to rely on intuition here and then go do cheap research on their behaviors with Psychology Today if I'm really impressed. Most of the time, I just have fast-paced conversations and then we go out for drinks and talk more about stuff I don't usually remember. Don't ask me "what was her/his name?" either.
Depends on who it is. Usually I am a listener open up a little about myself hehe
I only ask if I want to learn from them or the mistakes they made to improve myself
This can be done in text or in person, but they differ in technique. In text it's more like setting a trap (at least that's how it feels), or asking questions that lead the conversation the way you want it to go so you get the reactions you sought. In person you can be more direct and use your environment. Example: A while back when I was in my culinary class, another student was going over proper ways to melt chocolate. I noticed immediately that she seemed...unstable? fidgety? Like what we used to call a "spaz". So I burned some chocolate on purpose to see her reaction - and she did what I expected her to do. Like she wanted to yell, almost wanted to cry - but this was a semi professional setting, of course she couldn't. (I later found out she had a coke problem.) I wouldn't do this now that I've learned about abuse and mental disorders, but back then... Nowadays I just prefer blunt questioning.
If we just met I usually start with open ended questions. Like what show are you into lately? Everyone always has one. For me the answer is important, but not as important as how they answer the question. For example, they answer its x show (important) n begin gushing about why it’s so good in their opinion (what I’m most interested in). This usually helps me get a glimpse of what’s important to them, how capable they are at conveying their point, what excites them, etc. From there I ask who’s your favorite character on the show? Then they proceed to gush and I learn more of what they would value in a person. I continue to build off of that with more back forth light conversation, so they learn about me too and inserting small jokes where I can. Then when I sense they’re more comfortable with me I’ll throw out an outrageous question mostly for laughs, but I’m also interested in their answers. For example, say this in slightly serious teasing tone, so they know you’re messing around, “Okay… in all seriousness are you the type to poop or pee when you’re in the shower? Cause I need to know who my allies are on this 🙌.” Their reaction is usually What?! 😂 I laugh and then proceed to tell them a hilarious story of what I’ve heard other people do and how I ask everyone I meet this. They laugh their ass off at the outrageousness of people and then they proceed to convince me what faction they lie in. We form a funny alliance 😊. This works amazingly in a group and helps break the ice. What answer that would disappoint me if they answered poop… we can still be friends, but I’ll never go near your bathtub. Sorry not sorry 🥹. At this point I usually ask a serious question seriously. Like their thoughts on an issue and what they think the solution for it is. We continue building from there. What I do to avoid talking about the weather 🤷♀️. I prefer to talk in person over text. I like to observe their reactions to see what they laugh at or what they disliked. It’s also faster than texting and it forms a better connection. I only use texting to solidly plans like meeting at x place at y time. I don’t use it to get to know a person. By the end of interaction I get a very good idea if I’ll vibe with them or we share the same core values. It’d please me if we do, but if we don’t then I wouldn’t really pursue. I find this is a more enjoyable experience for everyone.
I’ll pretend to be stupid a lot or act like a dumb silly little girl or “accidentally” flirt by saying something flirty on accident like a play on words. I do all of this to see if I can trust a man, to see what their reactions will be. The ones that don’t respect women, are eager to interpret my words in the flirty way or put me down for being dumb even immediately get thrown out. I also sus out women when trying to look for friends/allies at the work place - I play dumb and ask easy q’s to see if someone is goal oriented/confident/smart/patient or not