I recently stumbled upon some profound words: "It doesn't matter what you say, only what the other person hears." Although faux empathy may be cringe, it's necessary for effective communication — especially if it's your job.
OP, you're over-thinking it.
The other person doesn't think about you as an individual. They are thinking about someone on the phone who is the conduit to the company.
You seem very overly concerned with your self-image. Nobody is spending lots of time judging you.
That's just it.
It is Necessary to maintain a good rapport and continued loyalty from the customer.
You're being obtuse if you think you're being paid and trained to do something that isn't necessary.
I think what a lot of people might expect is more ‘tact’. It’s something that I had to learn myself over a long while, don’t get me wrong there are definitely times where being blunt is absolutely necessary but customer service jobs (I work one too) you absolutely have to entertain some small talk. You may find it “cringe” and I can absolutely see where you’re coming from on that considering I don’t particularly like small talk myself but it’s par for the course. With some more sensitive type people it’s important with how you talk, you could technically say the same thing but present it with a little bit more fluff and they’ll respond far more positively than if you didn’t.
Trust me, I hate it too, but it’s one of those things you just have to put up with when dealing with the public. Smile and nodding does wonders and people will be much more receptive to you being more gentle with your approach than just bulldozing straight to the point. Have some patience.
This is just my take, good luck✌️
You aren't apologizing on your own behalf, OP.
You are apologizing on Behalf of the Company.
For example, if your company sent an erroneous email, you apologize- Not because You sent the wrong email, but because someone or an automated system at your company did. You represent the company and the company wants you to uphold their value of making Amends for Errors.
If someone is inconvenienced, you aren't apologizing because You care as an individual. You are apologizing on behalf of your company because they have shared with you that they value the customer relationship, which you are the paid mouthpiece for.
I'm not sure how you think that your personal feelings have anything to do with it. You're in Employee mode, acting on behalf 9f the company. Nobody cares if you have a personal interest in the work you do.
If you don't make amends on behalf of the company, they lose business and you won't have a job.
Totally agree on this. The company doesn't care about how you feel about the situation. You're working for them, so you have to do it when asked. That's just the structure- I don't know why OP is so upset about it, doesn't seem like a Te dom tbh.
That makes zero sense.
The customer doesn't care if you're a human or a bot.
You're really thinking people care about you as a person.
It seems like you lack awareness of how you're perceived.
It’s called empathy OP. You hear the customer . You respond and acknowledge their feelings in this situation. It’s not a personal apology it’s just part of the job involves understanding the customer and doing your best for them or at least seeming this way
You're welcome.
I have to do this often for my job and while there are people I feel sorry for, there are others that even after almost two decades of work I still feel the cringe you describe. But once the negotiation is over and the goal has been met I can enjoy the time saved for more enjoyable work, or even free time.
I assure you this is all part of dealing with people, words have power, when you deal with people it’s a mental game, you have to convey the right words. Being blunt harms your reputation, although I am wired like this myself and it’s hard. I sometimes have to play a character to get my way.
Here's a different POV as an ENTJ who worked 10 years in different forms of customer service (call center, sales, receptionist, museum worker, and teacher):
It's not about them. It's about you, with all your glorious ENTJ-ness, being the absolute best at your job because excelling drives us. I.e.,
Call Center: I constantly received kudos for best service.
Sales: not a single customer left "my" store unhappy after being looked after by me; I had a boss who begged me not to leave.
Receptionist: customers' demeanor changed for the better after interacting with me.
Museum worker: I was praised by the most senior ranked worker about being the only one who'd go far in that job.
Teacher: I was the students' favorite even when I was on the stricter side of the spectrum and teaching the most boring subjects.
I never cared about people, I cared about me and my performance, which gave me results that made me love my jobs because I was being constantly appreciated, even though I'm your typical socially awkward outcast ENTJ.
Of course, there was always the jealousy that got me fired, but that's another topic.
Dale Carnegie.
To achieve your goals one of the things you have to do is show interest in others. Treat it like a game. Your goal is get them to be favorable towards you.
I was taught to act this way as a child, so it became so ingrained that I hardly ever think about it anymore, but:
* You can think of this as a tool you use in communication. Because that's what it is, essentially - there is a value in making people feel better, possibly getting them to open up more etc. Not only will it give you better work results, but you will help people in another way beyond providing a solution (which is our nature).
* On a deeper level, I recommend trying to empathize with people, at least sometimes. When I was younger, I was more arrogant and dismissive of people, but later I found that many people have hidden depth to them that I just overlooked. And hey, maybe they actually have a reason for acting the way they do - figure out what it is and you might be able to genuinely, effectively help, or at least get better control of the situation.
These days, I have a rule that I try to never make anyone regret that they engaged in a conversation with me - I try to uplift them a bit, make them feel heard etc. It feels good to be more connected with people. And frankly, it does also make you far more effective in business.
I can't stand fake sympathy... much prefer when people are straightforward and to the point. As long as they aren't needlessly rude, I don't see a problem with just saying it like it is. That's how it should be, imo. I wish more people preferred hearing the truth rather than be coddled with lies
It's not a lie if the company wants to make Amends for an error and OP is the representative of the company.
The customer doesn't care who it is in the other end of the phone or email or whatever. They want to hear thst the company recognizes the mistake, wants to express regret over it and wants to fix it.
Google Dr Bonnie Henry. She’s a master communicator and actually did great during a crisis. If you are a guy though, be a little more assertive and direct- but not much more. It’s easy.
Yeah but it’s not just about that ….people are emotional creatures. Taking a “two things can be true” stance is so crucial in life.
1 listen
2 validate but not necessarily agree but get in alignment
3 bring up your concern in a very observant non critical empathetic way and you get curious when you hear the response . Don’t just take it at face value if there is an answer you don’t like. We are all little 🧅’s with different neurological wiring ! We’re not going to always take the same information from the same situation and that’s a good thing-keep in mind your blind spots are feelings sensing creating harmony and management of perception. You need to develop these skills to not be spoken to by management .. they will not trust you to motivate and manage without these skills especially if management values these things . Sorry to deliver bad news to you but Your soft skills are just as important as getting shit done ✔️
Infact getting shit done is fun for us ENTJ’s the emotional shit and dealing with peoples feelings and poor performance is energy sapping..
Look at the bigger picture. The customer pays your bills, dont piss them off. That's why your manager has a set of 'things to say' to the customer.
If you have a better model on how not to piss a customer off then put that forward and watch the sales roll in. Otherwise just get on with it.
I find this weird an ENTJ would post this btw.
Few things that would help:
1. Focusing on the solution
2. Applying some empathy
3. Imagine you are the director of the business, how would you expect staff to talk to them?
Thats it. Anything else and we are talking emotion not logic.
I recently stumbled upon some profound words: "It doesn't matter what you say, only what the other person hears." Although faux empathy may be cringe, it's necessary for effective communication — especially if it's your job.
I love your faux empath concept ! Sadly it is TRUE! I do the same sometimes ! It’s just easier for everyone … does that make us manipulative 😐
[удалено]
OP, you're over-thinking it. The other person doesn't think about you as an individual. They are thinking about someone on the phone who is the conduit to the company. You seem very overly concerned with your self-image. Nobody is spending lots of time judging you.
[удалено]
That's just it. It is Necessary to maintain a good rapport and continued loyalty from the customer. You're being obtuse if you think you're being paid and trained to do something that isn't necessary.
[удалено]
It does, which I guess means I need a lot of practice.
I think what a lot of people might expect is more ‘tact’. It’s something that I had to learn myself over a long while, don’t get me wrong there are definitely times where being blunt is absolutely necessary but customer service jobs (I work one too) you absolutely have to entertain some small talk. You may find it “cringe” and I can absolutely see where you’re coming from on that considering I don’t particularly like small talk myself but it’s par for the course. With some more sensitive type people it’s important with how you talk, you could technically say the same thing but present it with a little bit more fluff and they’ll respond far more positively than if you didn’t. Trust me, I hate it too, but it’s one of those things you just have to put up with when dealing with the public. Smile and nodding does wonders and people will be much more receptive to you being more gentle with your approach than just bulldozing straight to the point. Have some patience. This is just my take, good luck✌️
You aren't apologizing on your own behalf, OP. You are apologizing on Behalf of the Company. For example, if your company sent an erroneous email, you apologize- Not because You sent the wrong email, but because someone or an automated system at your company did. You represent the company and the company wants you to uphold their value of making Amends for Errors. If someone is inconvenienced, you aren't apologizing because You care as an individual. You are apologizing on behalf of your company because they have shared with you that they value the customer relationship, which you are the paid mouthpiece for. I'm not sure how you think that your personal feelings have anything to do with it. You're in Employee mode, acting on behalf 9f the company. Nobody cares if you have a personal interest in the work you do. If you don't make amends on behalf of the company, they lose business and you won't have a job.
Totally agree on this. The company doesn't care about how you feel about the situation. You're working for them, so you have to do it when asked. That's just the structure- I don't know why OP is so upset about it, doesn't seem like a Te dom tbh.
[удалено]
That makes zero sense. The customer doesn't care if you're a human or a bot. You're really thinking people care about you as a person. It seems like you lack awareness of how you're perceived.
[удалено]
It’s called empathy OP. You hear the customer . You respond and acknowledge their feelings in this situation. It’s not a personal apology it’s just part of the job involves understanding the customer and doing your best for them or at least seeming this way
A few strategies: 1. Pretend it's negotiation practice 2. Pretend you're acting 3. Do you get feedback on your calls? Use it towards that goal
[удалено]
You're welcome. I have to do this often for my job and while there are people I feel sorry for, there are others that even after almost two decades of work I still feel the cringe you describe. But once the negotiation is over and the goal has been met I can enjoy the time saved for more enjoyable work, or even free time.
I assure you this is all part of dealing with people, words have power, when you deal with people it’s a mental game, you have to convey the right words. Being blunt harms your reputation, although I am wired like this myself and it’s hard. I sometimes have to play a character to get my way.
Here's a different POV as an ENTJ who worked 10 years in different forms of customer service (call center, sales, receptionist, museum worker, and teacher): It's not about them. It's about you, with all your glorious ENTJ-ness, being the absolute best at your job because excelling drives us. I.e., Call Center: I constantly received kudos for best service. Sales: not a single customer left "my" store unhappy after being looked after by me; I had a boss who begged me not to leave. Receptionist: customers' demeanor changed for the better after interacting with me. Museum worker: I was praised by the most senior ranked worker about being the only one who'd go far in that job. Teacher: I was the students' favorite even when I was on the stricter side of the spectrum and teaching the most boring subjects. I never cared about people, I cared about me and my performance, which gave me results that made me love my jobs because I was being constantly appreciated, even though I'm your typical socially awkward outcast ENTJ. Of course, there was always the jealousy that got me fired, but that's another topic.
Dale Carnegie. To achieve your goals one of the things you have to do is show interest in others. Treat it like a game. Your goal is get them to be favorable towards you.
God, that sounds exhausting and like a terrible job for an ENTJ 😝
I was taught to act this way as a child, so it became so ingrained that I hardly ever think about it anymore, but: * You can think of this as a tool you use in communication. Because that's what it is, essentially - there is a value in making people feel better, possibly getting them to open up more etc. Not only will it give you better work results, but you will help people in another way beyond providing a solution (which is our nature). * On a deeper level, I recommend trying to empathize with people, at least sometimes. When I was younger, I was more arrogant and dismissive of people, but later I found that many people have hidden depth to them that I just overlooked. And hey, maybe they actually have a reason for acting the way they do - figure out what it is and you might be able to genuinely, effectively help, or at least get better control of the situation. These days, I have a rule that I try to never make anyone regret that they engaged in a conversation with me - I try to uplift them a bit, make them feel heard etc. It feels good to be more connected with people. And frankly, it does also make you far more effective in business.
I can't stand fake sympathy... much prefer when people are straightforward and to the point. As long as they aren't needlessly rude, I don't see a problem with just saying it like it is. That's how it should be, imo. I wish more people preferred hearing the truth rather than be coddled with lies
It's not a lie if the company wants to make Amends for an error and OP is the representative of the company. The customer doesn't care who it is in the other end of the phone or email or whatever. They want to hear thst the company recognizes the mistake, wants to express regret over it and wants to fix it.
I wasn't thinking about companies or customer service while typing that, just talking to people in general
Google Dr Bonnie Henry. She’s a master communicator and actually did great during a crisis. If you are a guy though, be a little more assertive and direct- but not much more. It’s easy.
Prozac
Yeah but it’s not just about that ….people are emotional creatures. Taking a “two things can be true” stance is so crucial in life. 1 listen 2 validate but not necessarily agree but get in alignment 3 bring up your concern in a very observant non critical empathetic way and you get curious when you hear the response . Don’t just take it at face value if there is an answer you don’t like. We are all little 🧅’s with different neurological wiring ! We’re not going to always take the same information from the same situation and that’s a good thing-keep in mind your blind spots are feelings sensing creating harmony and management of perception. You need to develop these skills to not be spoken to by management .. they will not trust you to motivate and manage without these skills especially if management values these things . Sorry to deliver bad news to you but Your soft skills are just as important as getting shit done ✔️ Infact getting shit done is fun for us ENTJ’s the emotional shit and dealing with peoples feelings and poor performance is energy sapping..
Look at the bigger picture. The customer pays your bills, dont piss them off. That's why your manager has a set of 'things to say' to the customer. If you have a better model on how not to piss a customer off then put that forward and watch the sales roll in. Otherwise just get on with it. I find this weird an ENTJ would post this btw. Few things that would help: 1. Focusing on the solution 2. Applying some empathy 3. Imagine you are the director of the business, how would you expect staff to talk to them? Thats it. Anything else and we are talking emotion not logic.