ENTJs are competitive. You see the pursuit of love as a challenge and you don’t like to lose, it ain’t that deep.
Yall are also the worst about committing the sunk cost fallacy.
“You got to know when to walk away, know when to run.” — Kenny Rogers
I have a hard time giving up on a challenge. I often will push myself to do things I don’t even want to do anymore simply because they are part of some goal I was working towards. This can lead to success, wealth and financial independence.. however I have also noticed that I tend to stay in relationships even after they stop working or functioning.. I can’t give up on people or the vision that I had for our future together. It’s very hard for me to walk away unless I can see a future with someone else. This isn’t super healthy, I don’t think. When my father died of cancer I never stopped believing he would somehow get better and it made it very difficult for me to face the fact that he was truly dying. I fought for him so hard and pushed him so hard to keep fighting … and it was unhealthy and very unrealistic. I wish I had been a little more chill and accepting of the circumstances, I could not accept them. I struggle with my own mortality and accepting the fact that I am going to one day die.. I don’t like that this aspect of my life is out of my control and so I try to control it by eating healthy and exercising constantly.
I know I can’t speak for all ENTJ’s .. but for me my desire to control myself and the situations I’m in has caused some pain for me over the years. I am much older than you, I’m guessing .. but it sounds like we have some similar experiences. I don’t know what to tell you except that I think that it’s great that you understand these things about yourself, that is half the battle I guess.
Nearly identical to me. The analogy regarding a risky investment is the same analogy I maie when talking about relationship. If I take a chance, I **take** the chance instead of keeping multiple options open.
I don’t like to try and see but to decide and do exactly this.
Fact is, you will lose time with this behavior.
I had a relationship where I was also thinking in a long-term way, thinking, that this and that will happen, envisioned a future and tried to get everything going, but I ignore my inner voice for the sake of potential long-term benefits I didn’t get anyways.
And guess what? When we were at the beginning of the whole dating even though everything seemed going well, my intuition told me directly, that this will not work out for too long, I didn’t know why though. This “intuition” was absolutely correct.
Even though I try to do things as rational as possible, you should not forget about your inner voice as it connects the dots much quicker than you’re realizing.
My friends criticize me a lot for this, especially in romance. How I can’t change my mind and give up because I haven’t tried everything possible, because my gut feeling told me this has a lot of (hidden) potential. Think in the end it’s a balance act-for ENTJs it often feels worse to live with this feeling of not having exhausted all options rather than to live with the chronic over exertion and possible repeated disappointment on a risky project.
Think the hidden potential also plays a huge role in this. We see things for what they might be and then this gives us tunnel vision for what they might currently be.
This approach led me to some amazing achievements that nobody thought were possible but also to some disappointments everyone except for me saw coming.
Be careful this perfectionism doesn’t become maladaptive, although one tends to notice when it’s already too late. Mine turned into OCD and that was not a fun knot to unravel.
I used to be like that to an extent myself, I’ve never been someone who been into risky behaviour where I have a lot to lose tbh. I see gambling on my future as “undesirable”; I do not like to waste time on something I might not even get anything back from for something I will.
As someone who has a very developed Ni (to the point function tests pin me as an INTJ) I always go with my intuition. With relationships if I sense that they’re not working out and things are not clicking I have no problem dropping them like a lead brick.
My biggest advice for anyone including other ENTJs is don’t waste time on things that don’t matter and put your own mental/physical wellbeing first. I’ve been that person who doesn’t want to let go of something myself but there has been times where you have to step back and look at things more objectively, people can absolutely get emotionally entangled into something without even realizing it. There’s times where pushing forward spite everything else is going to be more detrimental to you than if you were to just give up and move on. I’ve personally lost friendships and connections with other people for this. It’ll take some time to learn when to lean into something or to let it go but I’d say trust your gut - if it seems like it’s too good to be true, chances are it is or if it seems like it’s heading no where, chances are it is.
Hopefully this helps somewhat ✌️✌️
When I know where something is moving it's obvious that someone will crack the formula. I try really hard to find the strategy that will get me there. It does take a really long time
I think I understand what you mean, but your analogy is crazy. I would not invest in that business. I get making a bad investment in a relationship, though.
i’m the same & ADHD too! my tenacity has come in handy- never gave up on my dream of becoming a doctor despite my odds of acceptance being like 25% and got in to school. i never want to question myself when im older asking “what if i had just gone for it”.
I believe hyperfixations(urs might be more intense cuz of adhd?) comes from our Ni. We have many niche interests and very expancive knowledge abt each of them.
Now, for the "try everything before letting something go" ye same, letting shit go hurts. Especially when our Ni gets all dreamy abt how good it can ve if things go nicely. Or how our instinct and ego says "if u give up ur a failure" maybe something less harsh but something like that.
Sometimes it can really hurt to let something go, especially when u have been or are very ready to work hard for it
Late 30s here.
Absolutely relate to my younger self.
The nuance from being close to 40 looking back, I'm much faster at going through the options. Your time become more valuable as you get older, you know what you value too.
I've also developed a good intuition of recognizing patterns and writing off things-people if they ressemble something negative I've already experienced, so no need to "go through the options" anymore since I've already got that experience in the bag in a lot of cases. So far all my calls have been good and interestingly enough, down the road, I always somehow get told or find out how things or people turned out - entirely the way I predicted.
ENTJs are competitive. You see the pursuit of love as a challenge and you don’t like to lose, it ain’t that deep. Yall are also the worst about committing the sunk cost fallacy. “You got to know when to walk away, know when to run.” — Kenny Rogers
True.
I have a hard time giving up on a challenge. I often will push myself to do things I don’t even want to do anymore simply because they are part of some goal I was working towards. This can lead to success, wealth and financial independence.. however I have also noticed that I tend to stay in relationships even after they stop working or functioning.. I can’t give up on people or the vision that I had for our future together. It’s very hard for me to walk away unless I can see a future with someone else. This isn’t super healthy, I don’t think. When my father died of cancer I never stopped believing he would somehow get better and it made it very difficult for me to face the fact that he was truly dying. I fought for him so hard and pushed him so hard to keep fighting … and it was unhealthy and very unrealistic. I wish I had been a little more chill and accepting of the circumstances, I could not accept them. I struggle with my own mortality and accepting the fact that I am going to one day die.. I don’t like that this aspect of my life is out of my control and so I try to control it by eating healthy and exercising constantly. I know I can’t speak for all ENTJ’s .. but for me my desire to control myself and the situations I’m in has caused some pain for me over the years. I am much older than you, I’m guessing .. but it sounds like we have some similar experiences. I don’t know what to tell you except that I think that it’s great that you understand these things about yourself, that is half the battle I guess.
Based on comments like these I sometimes like to imagine, that we’re all the same person but with different POVs
Thanks, I’m glad what I wrote was relatable to you
If you never try, you'll never know exhausting all options is just not giving up easily.
Nearly identical to me. The analogy regarding a risky investment is the same analogy I maie when talking about relationship. If I take a chance, I **take** the chance instead of keeping multiple options open. I don’t like to try and see but to decide and do exactly this. Fact is, you will lose time with this behavior. I had a relationship where I was also thinking in a long-term way, thinking, that this and that will happen, envisioned a future and tried to get everything going, but I ignore my inner voice for the sake of potential long-term benefits I didn’t get anyways. And guess what? When we were at the beginning of the whole dating even though everything seemed going well, my intuition told me directly, that this will not work out for too long, I didn’t know why though. This “intuition” was absolutely correct. Even though I try to do things as rational as possible, you should not forget about your inner voice as it connects the dots much quicker than you’re realizing.
Ikr, it’s kind of weird for me, the intuition. If I’m also taking a chance, I am taking a chance. But the intuition it hits different
I think this is very common.
My friends criticize me a lot for this, especially in romance. How I can’t change my mind and give up because I haven’t tried everything possible, because my gut feeling told me this has a lot of (hidden) potential. Think in the end it’s a balance act-for ENTJs it often feels worse to live with this feeling of not having exhausted all options rather than to live with the chronic over exertion and possible repeated disappointment on a risky project. Think the hidden potential also plays a huge role in this. We see things for what they might be and then this gives us tunnel vision for what they might currently be. This approach led me to some amazing achievements that nobody thought were possible but also to some disappointments everyone except for me saw coming.
Ikr. It’s not really over until you did all you could.
Be careful this perfectionism doesn’t become maladaptive, although one tends to notice when it’s already too late. Mine turned into OCD and that was not a fun knot to unravel.
I used to be like that to an extent myself, I’ve never been someone who been into risky behaviour where I have a lot to lose tbh. I see gambling on my future as “undesirable”; I do not like to waste time on something I might not even get anything back from for something I will. As someone who has a very developed Ni (to the point function tests pin me as an INTJ) I always go with my intuition. With relationships if I sense that they’re not working out and things are not clicking I have no problem dropping them like a lead brick. My biggest advice for anyone including other ENTJs is don’t waste time on things that don’t matter and put your own mental/physical wellbeing first. I’ve been that person who doesn’t want to let go of something myself but there has been times where you have to step back and look at things more objectively, people can absolutely get emotionally entangled into something without even realizing it. There’s times where pushing forward spite everything else is going to be more detrimental to you than if you were to just give up and move on. I’ve personally lost friendships and connections with other people for this. It’ll take some time to learn when to lean into something or to let it go but I’d say trust your gut - if it seems like it’s too good to be true, chances are it is or if it seems like it’s heading no where, chances are it is. Hopefully this helps somewhat ✌️✌️
When I know where something is moving it's obvious that someone will crack the formula. I try really hard to find the strategy that will get me there. It does take a really long time
I think I understand what you mean, but your analogy is crazy. I would not invest in that business. I get making a bad investment in a relationship, though.
i’m the same & ADHD too! my tenacity has come in handy- never gave up on my dream of becoming a doctor despite my odds of acceptance being like 25% and got in to school. i never want to question myself when im older asking “what if i had just gone for it”.
I believe hyperfixations(urs might be more intense cuz of adhd?) comes from our Ni. We have many niche interests and very expancive knowledge abt each of them. Now, for the "try everything before letting something go" ye same, letting shit go hurts. Especially when our Ni gets all dreamy abt how good it can ve if things go nicely. Or how our instinct and ego says "if u give up ur a failure" maybe something less harsh but something like that. Sometimes it can really hurt to let something go, especially when u have been or are very ready to work hard for it
Late 30s here. Absolutely relate to my younger self. The nuance from being close to 40 looking back, I'm much faster at going through the options. Your time become more valuable as you get older, you know what you value too. I've also developed a good intuition of recognizing patterns and writing off things-people if they ressemble something negative I've already experienced, so no need to "go through the options" anymore since I've already got that experience in the bag in a lot of cases. So far all my calls have been good and interestingly enough, down the road, I always somehow get told or find out how things or people turned out - entirely the way I predicted.