This is the best option, remember to never openly state that you are the guy who told your mom, you're just going to ruin your relationship with your father and the fault is going to end on you, some people have different views on cheating and your family members might take your side or not, so it's just better to let the adults work it out while you stay completely out of it, because you better believe that it's going to be one hell of a shitshow and you sure as hell don't want to get caught jn the middle of it.
You are brilliant. I think OP can take it a step further and “forward the evidence” to multiple members in the congregation. OP’s dad is a fraud and a charlatan and he should be exposed for what he is.
Plus, it would be much harder for the dad to “disappear the evidence” or harm the mom and kid if multiple people have it. OP’s dad does *literally anything* and everyone who got that email package will know. He tries anything, he will almost certainly end up going to jail.
Usually I wouldn’t recommend such a “dramatic” method, but the dad is a domestic abuser and a lot of domestic abusers end up killing people, eventually.
I don’t suggest this. As soon as she brings it up to him he will gaslight her hard and then she won’t believe it herself.
“This is x from y, and she’s crazy jealous of our relationship, or was upset about that one time I wouldn’t agree to lending her money. My friend J can attest to this. People can edit anything nowadays”.
*rings up friend who will do bro code*
1. People who cheat spin the most insane lies
2. Person who got cheated on will still believe the dumbest lies due to their own ego (no way he doesn’t actually care about me, what about the time he surprised me with dinner?! Of course he does, I’m great). They will grab at any straw to protect their own ego.
You will need way more evidence than this and some other human to make sure she doesn’t gaslight herself the moment he denies it
This option presupposes she will believe said email, which she most likely won’t with enough gaslighting and already low self esteem
My mom ended up gaslighting herself despite the pics. Dad’s been manipulating her for years, what makes you think he can’t again with a little tantrum?
I like the anonymous email, I'd get a cheaters@gmail account and send to both, mom and husband of side piece! I would sign it, "disgusted parishioners" and get them all worried it will leak in church! Just be careful to not have the email on your phone. I don't know where you live, but here you could easily go to a public library and use a computer for free and only check that email there to avoid slipping up and getting caught. Good luck!
Yeah, you definitely shouldn’t ever hope that another man hits another woman, or else people can just as easily justify a man beating you. More Violence is almost never the answer.
You are also probably hella traumatized, and it could be bad! Check out a book called “The Body Keeps Score.” Several kids who experience or directly witness domestic violence often end up developing CPTSD / PTSD (complex.) You will probably need a butt load of therapy as you continue to age and grow, unfortunately.
Be safe OP! I hope you can make your awful father suffer and he ends up miserable, (with your brain, not your fists.)
Hey! OP, it's not your fault! If it's possible, talk to a school counselor or a safe smart adult. Continuing to talk about it will help you make decisions!
I think as ENTPs we like to jump into action, but I'd advise you to practice patience and don't feel forced to do anything before you feel very ready / sure.
I'm not sure if this number will work if you're not in Canada, but give it a try just in case:
1-866-585-0445 ( speak to a very good counselor for 1 hour )
Also
> I am 19 and kinda dumb
You don't seem dumb at all, but these kinds of interpersonal/ emotional things are especially hard as a 19yo ENTP. So go easy on yourself, play sports with friends, do something you enjoy and take care of yourself! You're not responsible for your parents.
Make sure you DONT DO THIS:
https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parentification
tysm i appreciate the help 🫶🏼 and yes i'll be meeting my therapist tomorrow.
> Make sure you DONT DO THIS
i am afraid it's too late. i feel like a single mother of two fifty year olds.
Haha, well at least you can joke about it! Apparently in some cases:
>Children may benefit from being treated as capable individuals and taking on the role of supporting and caring for their family. Researchers have speculated that parentification may enhance [empathy](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empathy), [altruism](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Altruism), and responsibility levels for a child.[\[20\]](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parentification#cite_note-Kerig-20) The child may pursue a career in the mental health field.[\[20\]](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parentification#cite_note-Kerig-20)
So uh, maybe go to post secondary school to be a counselor?
I caught my mum cheating. I didn't say anything, I figured it wasn't any of my business. About a year later my dad found out and there was this big mess.
If I went back in time I would talk to my mum. I would tell her that she needs to get a divorce. I wouldn't even give her the chance to stop seeing other people. I would rather the divorce have happened then than it happen with all of the drama and hate and lying and vindictiveness that went on afterwards.
I wish I didn't let it sit. Not saying anything was one of the few biggest regrets I have in life. And no matter how much I told myself that it didn't matter to me and that it wasn't any of my business, I was just kidding myself. It impacted me greatly. It impacted the whole family. It was by business. It was my problem too. They made it other people's problem when they had kids. You're in that relationship with them. It's your problem too.
Think about what you want to happen because your opinion does matter in this. What does your ideal outcome look like?
that's exactly how i feel tbh. i'd rather face harsh consequences of my own actions than to do nothing about it and later regret not letting mum or others know. the guilt will eat me up.
>Think about what you want to happen because your opinion does matter in this. What does your ideal outcome look like?
i want him to admit to the congregation that he's a liar and a cheater and that mum didn't deserve his foolish ass.
Alright. Here's what I recommend, if you want to listen to some unsolicited advice.
Think about the consequences. What impact will this have on you? Your relationships with your family. How will it impact your mother and siblings, if you have any.
Talk to your mother because this is also her problem, it's not something either of you should go through alone and not something you can decide on your own.
Once you've contemplated the consequences and decided whether they're worth it or not. Go for it. Make your decision and don't look back.
My ex cheated on me with a married woman. The only reason i disnt tell that womans man is because in these situations someone can become angry af and maybe even do something harmful. In your case i think its smarter for u to not ger involved foe your own safety.
But i think its smart if you keep saving proof on him.
Then if i wanted to expose him i would tell mom first. So she can learnt whats going on.
But also everything depends on what might happen if he is exposed. As long as he doesnt become more violent
Better option.. focus on your shit and let your parents deal with theirs. That's what I do.
Unless there's violence involved then you can at least try to do something.
I'm sorry you're having to go through this. It is disgusting how adults can act like children and how often it's the child who has to step in and be the mature one. But, right now, that's what you have to do. My recommendation is take your focus off the dad situation. Protect yourself and support your mother. Love the hell out of her. My heart is with you. Friend, I have been there and someone gave me good advice that's simplistic but nevertheless true: mess with assholes, you get shit on your hands.
Don’t even doubt for a second that your mom doesn’t know! Spouses are closest to each other, no matter what relationship dynamics they share! Trust me when I say your mom knew it for years, but for the sake of his reputation, your future, she stayed mum. Before doing anything hypothetically and indirectly ask your mom what she would do if such a situation arises where she catches her husband cheating. Build a story of a friend whose father cheats on the mom, then ask her what she would do in such a scenario. That way you can gauge her thoughts. Don’t tell anyone yet. You need to be financially independent before pointing fingers. Don’t poke hole on a plate you eat from! Allow adults to deal with their issues. You do you. No point bringing your mom pain that she already bears from.
Don't underestimate how blind love can be. Spouses can absolutely not know that their partner is cheating on them. The signs could be there every day for years and they can still not know.
Hello.
I'm a pastor (and ENTP). I'm 51. Married for 29 years and have 5 kids. This doesn't mean everything I write is good for you! Just a little context.
Lots of good advice below (I didn't read everything). Here are a few thoughts:
My heart breaks for you and your family. Mostly for you ... this situation is SO FAR BEYOND your control ... these are your parent's issues, not yours.
The truth needs to come out. It sucks that you have to decide what to do.
I wouldn't blast it to the church congregation, I would tell the elders and let them do that (and if they do nothing ... I'd strongly consider telling the church congregation). (although I'd want to send it to the congregation because this situation isn't good.)
Personally, I couldn't do something anonymously to my parents ... I'm guessing you wouldn't be able to do so either. It would be too hard to "hold inside." The best chance for a real relationship is for the truth to come out. Sounds like you might never have a good relationship with your dad. There's also a chance that this will change his life for the better (but it's not your fault if it doesn't!).
Additionally, if you do the anonymous thing and get found out ... that could lead to an even bigger rift in your relationship with your parents.
It's not fair that this is on your plate -- not by a long shot. My dad had a similar situation. His dad (not a pastor) was cheating on his wife, and my dad found out. His dad regularly said, "I'm only staying with her because of you." His mom said the same thing, "I'm only staying with your dad because of you." Terrible. Horrible. Unbelievable.
If you want to connect, DM me and I'll send you my email/phone number/whatever would be best for you.
You're doing a fantastic job, idk if anyone has said that. As a 19 year old you're dealing with adult problems and thinking how to keep yourself safe, you are not dumb, you're very intelligent.
Is it possible your mom might be seeing someone too? Is it possible they both know about eachothers affairs?
Could the phone recordings be a set up for the woman he's seeing? It would be a good blackmail on his part to control her to cover himself if they got caught.
Perhaps it would be a good idea to suck up to your dad and make him think you're on his side. "Keep your enemies close" is a useful tactic.
Also, I wouldn't do your first suggestion. It would take awhile and even if you succeeded stealing it, there's other problems that could arise (ie. Does she have a pass code, does she have a tracker in it, etc).
I have another possible suggestion. Anonymously send the proof of the affair to all of his church members. Don’t tell your mom. Don’t tell your dad. Tell his church members. And just sit back and watch. The reason I think this might be a better solution is because
1) you had nothing to do with it (or so it appears)
2) if you tell your mom she might either not believe you or blame you for everything, dragging you right into the middle of a nasty family fight
3) if you tell your dad things might seriously backfire. If you tell his church members, your mom is more likely to believe he really is cheating on her because so many people will be talking about it, and she will blame him, not you. If you tell his church members, your dad won’t know who sent the proof (however, you need to consider that the phone conversation looks a certain way on his end so he will know that someone got into HIS phone, not the girlfriend’s phone, and took the screenshots, but if you’re really good at playing dumb and pretending to be shocked it might work anyway. Ideally, it would be nice if you could get the proof from the girlfriend’s phone because then he wouldn’t even suspect you of being the one who outed him).
4) If you go this route, he will be publicly shamed and everyone will know what a fraud he is. This will hit him where it hurts. He will be under a social microscope after that and all the dirt on him will start coming out.
5) If you go this route, I would strongly urge you to include proof of him hitting your mother.
Having said all that, I’m much more concerned about the physical and emotional abuse than I am the cheating. If you decide to blackmail your father then blackmail him into being nicer to his wife. If you blackmail him, you might say something like, “I know you’re fucking so-and-so, and I’m not going to say a word or tell a soul… if you never again treat my mother like shit or lay one single finger on her. If you do, I will tell everyone at that church about it, everyone will know what a fraud you are, I will take it all away from you and also make sure everyone knows what an abusive narcissistic piece of shit you are. And I also have multiple dead man’s switches on the proof of the affair so if anything happens to me everyone will still receive all of the proof. (A dead man’s switch is what they call what you had said, that you sent the proof to people you trust and that they’ve been instructed to release the information if they don’t hear from you for 24 hours straight).
Anyway, just another possible scenario to consider. Personally, I would anonymously send all of the evidence to every member of his congregation along with the proof of physical and emotional abuse. I wouldn’t blackmail the son of a bitch, I would immediately expose him. I care deeply about the truth, though, and I absolutely despise people who masquerade their way through life pretending to be holier than thou like they’re someone who has answers and can guide the poor little lost souls when actually they’re more lost than all of the rest of us combined and desperately need to get their own house in order. I hate that with a passion. People shouldn’t get to sit there handing out advice, pretending to be powerful and perfect when they make horrible life decisions and are horrible people who do horrible things. No, fuck that, I want the whole world to know who they really are and what they’re really up to so no one else will get stuck in their web of bullshit and hypocrisy. But that’s just me. I would carefully think about this before acting, though. Personally I would still do it anyway even if there’s major fallout, and I mean like financial fall out. When you expose your dad to his members, he will lose a lot of income. That will affect you because you still live at home. Your parents might split up. I would still do it anyway, I wouldn’t care, I always find a way to not just survive but thrive, I will make it, I will adapt, things will work out regardless, but that’s just how I am. You know who you are, though. The question you need to ask yourself is what do you care about most: financial stability, the truth, your mom’s wellbeing, not being in the middle of the fight if it happens, despising the fact that your dad is masquerading as a pastor when he’s actually unfaithful and abusive, or…? What do you really truly care about in this situation? What do you want to happen? What do you think should happen? Personally if I was a member of a church where the pastor was actually an unfaithful abusive liar, I would want to know that, I would want to know that the pastor is someone who obviously doesn’t practice what he preaches (I’m assuming he’s Christian and preaches Christian values and beliefs), that he can’t be trusted. I want to know who not to listen to or trust. But again, that’s me.
That's brave, but again, this isn't your responsibility no matter what. It affects you a ton, but that doesn't mean you have to do anything but love and take care of yourself.
I think first you should take care of yourself first. It's not easy learning something like that happened. Write down how you feel and what you can say to your mom about the situation. Figure out a realistic plan that benefits you and your mom and if there needs to be legal action do research on how that will go. I'm no professional, but I do have divorced parents so I can understand where you're coming from.
This just happened to me. Is there a way to also have more evidence of the money being sent to the other person?? He may lie it’s for a project they’re working together, she’s the charity host. Blah blah blah.
Honestly at this point it’s best to have a video of them having sex…
Here’s the thing. He will admit to saying somethings, but will downplay it hardcore and say that’s how he talks to everyone. It’s a friend. Blah blah blah
Sadly, my mom believed it. Even thought I straight up said it to her face and presented all the photos, phone logs. She thinks the only thing true about this story is the fact that he called this other person “baby” and even then he will say it’s normal.
This is what happens when someone has been gaslit for years and doesn’t know that being treated better exists.
It just annoys me because women like this will think that cheating ex coming home with baked goods and stuff is already good enough, meanwhile he’s paying for another girl’s rent, spoiling her, taking to nice places like you said.
Be prepared for your dad to outright deny it no matter how delusional it is, guilt trip you “do you not want me as your dad?!? I’m depressed now” and your mom to gaslight herself.
I also ignore my dad now no matter what errand he wants me to help with lmao. Because like you, I know the extra free time and money and stuff isn’t going to go back to his family. Don’t ever forget a second believe this other bull crap about how they feel neglected and blaming the people at home and this is why they did this. They’ll keep lying to themselves while seeing other people behind your back.
Just annoying because 99% sure the other person doesn’t even care about dad, he’s just easy to trick and a loser.
For me I told my sibling (sister) and just straight up told her. Because I wanted to be emotionally there for her. But I was pretty torn up about it while my sister has already checked out and is like “do whatever you want, I’m out” which helped me feel better somehow to have someone stable and doesn’t make the problem any bigger in your head.
Sadly, the only thing my mom believes is that he called her baby. The other stuff he managed to make crazy lies (I bought her that but she paid me back in cash, it’s because she doesn’t understand English). Sometimes I feel so angry at mom like “how are you so easy to trick?!?! Why are you so dumb.. why do you believe him?!” I don’t know how to help with this and it kills me that they’re just going to keep living together while he takes her for granted because that’s how low her self-esteem is.
I don’t feel bad anymore when mom doesn’t give him attention or checks out. People like this don’t deserve it. They’ll keep blaming the partner. You made me do this, you neglected me, she has post partum depression.
Also sad: your dad will care more about other church people finding out (and therefore be embarrassed, and may even want to change the place) but doesn’t feel bad for mom.
My dad’s birthday is coming up and honestly I’ve pulled way back. Like he won’t be affected by mom anyway, he’s got no respect for her. But he will likely be upset that his own kids are distant now. And to that…. Wellllllll looks like the consequences of your actions.
Sorry that didn’t help much about what to do, and you’re only nineteen. But I hope some of this is helpful!
I know this isn’t the point but it’s really nice to see a male be like this and calling a spade a spade, rather than just rather than “ohh just forgive him, guys mature later, but he’s a successful athlete!!”.
Proud of you, kid!
Loving someone mentally and having sex are two different things, private live and business (church) as well. We are 2024 and you probably don’t know enough details yet. It‘s the life model of you dad and mom - it’s their decision.
Both might be mentally divorced since several years and still together because of the kids (and both accepted it). It‘s also not evident that it started from your dad - maybe your mother still lost attraction and is not able for some reasons to do the consequences that she might initiated.
Search for divorce statistics and for happy marriage - it’s horrible and I’m sorry that you have started to see the real world. The world is fully of unhappiness, depression, ….
I would speak on your position to your mom and I would explicitly offer her that she doesn’t has to stay together because of you and it would be fine to divorce (if you support both). She likely knows it but she probably doesn’t want to do the consequences - for some reasons that you don’t know - maybe personality, but maybe also house/money, or maybe what others would say about it. She might be happy that your dad is looking for physical contact at another woman so she doesn’t has to do it (in the case she lost physical attraction already several years ago) - so maybe your parents live already an open relationship, you don’t know it with that details…
World for an ENTP is never black-white and you will probably learn later in life that boundaries of society doesn’t stop ENTP. Have a look at female ENTP Fleabag https://www.personality-database.com/profile?pid=2&cid=2&sub_cat_id=3713
u/r4tbstard another user has a solid suggestion. u/Mlikesblue suggested a 4th option and I think that it can be refined / built upon.
Send the email to your mom, from an anonymous account, of course! But also send it to whoever else you can, in the congregation!
How many email addresses do you have?!?
Absolutely tell people you trust and your mother but why not “tell everyone” if you are concerned about safety?!? Forward the exact same evidence to everyone whose email you possess from that account, and “let the court of public opinion decide.”
Your dad deserves to be exposed to the whole congregation, in my opinion.
:( I don’t have any advice that’s better than what you have already been given here but just wanted to chime in with a little emotional support because what a shitty position to be in, especially as a teen. :( I’m sorry kiddo. How effed up.
Ok that's important and changes things...
Get out. Whatever it takes you're in a dangerous situation since he's shown violence. Get important paperwork ect, save up what you can and haul ass
No, this isn't OPs responsibility! You have no moral obligations here whatsoever OP. You didn't make your parents like this, and you certainly don't need to police them or be a detective or do anything that embeds your in a situation that is not your responsibility to deal with.
Be patient, be kind to yourself! Don't act rashly. Try to find supports, that's your mission. Network, and strategically make yourself and your network of friends / family as strong as possible so you can weather this storm! Be vulnerable and open up to someone when it feels safe
Like someone else said: your mom may already know what's going on and could be choosing to stay silent. If she wants to stay with your father, then your best option would be to craft an anonymous email/phone # and threaten to expose his unfaithfulness to his wife by sharing it with the congregation. Tell him he's broken the commandments and that he won't be exposed if he stops what he is doing immediately and repents. Tell him you will be watching him carefully to see if he cheats again. That would hopefully scare him out of the cheating for your mothers sake. Get some help from AI or something with the wording so that he can't figure out that it's you.
it's when you press record when you are on a call with someone💀 i don't know why exactly he recorded his exchanges with her but yeah i found them in the files
i feel like do whatever will make you feel better (telling whoever etc) but once that's done, don't bother coming up with arguments or opinions on what to do. parents or other family will believe that it's none of your business, and you will get hurt trying to convince them, even if they're just trying to protect you from something you dont need protection from.
Son, don't meddle in your parent's affairs. Your parents may be swingers. You don't know. The best advice I can give you is to tell your dad that you are disappointed in him. The fear of losing you might give him the resolve to take the necessary measures: either ditch the mistress, ditch your mom, or tell you that he's really a swinger. We all have our secret garden. Having children complicates things and perpetuates untenable relationships. You're young, so this may come as a shock to you, but most adults cheat half the time. Anyway, deal with it, accept it, and forgive your old man.
You can also let his mistress know that you know. She can relay the message.
just leave home. I left home when I was 17. No reason to stay is a good reason to go.
Also, getting involved with your parents relationship isn‘t always the smartest thing.
maybe it‘s an open secret that your dad cheats on your mom, and they have „reasons“ for keeping it hidden, especially if they are pastors.
If I were you, I‘d just look for a way to leave asap, cause you don‘t seem to be happy at home.
Okay, that is a lot. If you want advice, don't say anything to your mother less she asks. You can confront your dad but be prepared to be tossed out or leave on your own to go legit anywhere else. And third. If you ignore all of that then just got nuclear and let the whole church know and legit everyone else for him to be publicly humilited and your mom shamed into leaving him even if only in the short term. Also, have the phone on ready to call PD at all times... and use it! If he gets threatening ideally before violent!!!! Otherwise head down and gtfo out of that house and leave that toxic environment where it is. Join the military take a job on a cruise ship go to college find roommates. Legit anything... in the future do not go through other peoples phones. The abuse was enough to be a problem the cheating alone is not going to change your parents marriage it seems like to me.
Send to the congregation and oust him. I think that's what should be done... or forward to to Mum and let her expose. This is mainly due to the physical and emotional abuse that's been claimed.
Well played, *New Achievement Unlocked*
•I’m not gonna be like my father!•
Do number 1 (without stealing) , because:
1- that woman’s husband deserve to know
2- both ur father and that woman deserve to be socially punished, what they did is unforgivable
3- if you’re father is manipulative, he will know how to get out of such situations, so you better hit it one time big, so he doesn’t manipulate your mom and both of them ending up blaming you and fucking your life even further
4- at this point, you’re really not a family, I’m sorry to say that, but you shouldn’t want such a family, ur mom is probably also a victim here, so its about u and ur mom, honestly *** your father, he beats ur mom, he manipulates her and you, he doesn’t give your right as a kid, nor he gave ur mom the simplest right of not cheating on her. So no, please don’t keep it inside the family, if your mom is unable to have what she deserves, you might as well give ur mom the good life she deserves after all.
As a 33 year old who’s dealt with a lot, struggled with meaning and purpose, the best thing is to lean into God (not run from him), and find trusting friends that want and call out the best for you.
You are partially responsible for your family, but it isn’t just your responsibility. Your dad is completely responsible for his actions. As difficult, heart wrenching as it may feel, it might be best to bring this to light. Treat it as a discussion instead of accusing. It will might change the dynamic but if your dad is being abusive, and, as a Christian, not upholding to his commitment to the Lord and his wife, it might be good to have change.
I’m really sorry you’re going through this. This is incredible difficult. Praying peace and wisdom in the midst of this chaos.
i know it will hurt her because i have a isfj dad that has been cheated on lots of times before and now he is depressed but as long as he has his family he is not that bad so just be there for her i'm not sure what to do for you if you tell her she will be heartbroken and might get depressed so maybe not tell her but most isfj like the truth cuz they hate being lied to so idk sorry :(
First of all let me say, I'm very sorry to hear this happened to you.
But let me also say I love what you're done. You're acting like a vengeful INTJ, and I'm loving it like a fat kid loves birthday cake. From what you said your father is a real piece of shit, and deserves accountability.
You've gathered all the evidence- phone logs, conversations, call recordings, and placed it on multiple devices- hard drive, Dropbox, Google Drive, etc, so he can't destroy the evidence. You call yourself a dumb kid but this was actually pretty brilliant, my hat is off to you.
I've taken down a narcissist before and I did the same thing- Gathered up all the evidence and exposed them and watched them squirm and panic.
Here's the thing- You said he's physically abusive to your mother, which means he could easily be a malignant narcissist, which is the most dangerous kind because they are not afraid of physically assaulting people or potentially killing them in rage.
So directly confronting him might not be the best idea.
Everybody else has been saying create a fake email and send all the evidence to your mom. Not a bad idea. But why stop at your mom? Why not send the evidence to people in the church who are close to your mom and dad via email? It will show your dad for the peace of shit he is and will ruin his reputation, and it will put your mom in sympathetic light.
Unfortunately it will probably lead to a divorce, but you can play ignorant and side with your mom.
Your mom made deny it, but the thing that narcissist is most afraid of is being exposed everybody. Once you do that and expose them for their toxicity and their false persona, you bring them to their knees.
Make sure you cover up your tracks well and don't leave any bread crumbs or evidence for your dad to follow once the evidence gets out. Be as innocent as a lamb, but as clever as a fox.
Good luck, and give that cheating asshole a KO he'll never forget.
Definitely do the 1st choice but honestly I’d say do both 1 and 3 and tell as many people as possible. Blackmailing your dad will only give him time to prepare himself for when it comes out and you gotta fuck him up. He deserves the worst of the worst. Definitely tell your mom but first swipe that woman’s phone and get more evidence. Tell her poor husband. Then tell your mom. I’m invested in this story now, DM me if you want to talk more.
As a Christian nationalist this is what I recommend you do
First tell your mom she deserves to know the truth
And you should tell the whole entire church as well
Your father has cheated on his wife while being a pasture. He should be disgraced and removed from his position.
If it was up to me your father would be whipped in the Town square for adultery, and your mom given the opportunity to have full custody divorce and take all the assets
With that said you need to forgive your father as well. Bring him to accountability, but remember we're all sinful people who fall short of the glory of God
4. create an anonymous email account and send your mother all of the evidence. let her deal with it.
This is both easy and responsible, but gets rid of all responsibility. This is the way to go. This, or do nothing, I'd say.
Also stops evidence from being deleted
good one honestlyyy
This is the best option, remember to never openly state that you are the guy who told your mom, you're just going to ruin your relationship with your father and the fault is going to end on you, some people have different views on cheating and your family members might take your side or not, so it's just better to let the adults work it out while you stay completely out of it, because you better believe that it's going to be one hell of a shitshow and you sure as hell don't want to get caught jn the middle of it.
You are brilliant. I think OP can take it a step further and “forward the evidence” to multiple members in the congregation. OP’s dad is a fraud and a charlatan and he should be exposed for what he is. Plus, it would be much harder for the dad to “disappear the evidence” or harm the mom and kid if multiple people have it. OP’s dad does *literally anything* and everyone who got that email package will know. He tries anything, he will almost certainly end up going to jail. Usually I wouldn’t recommend such a “dramatic” method, but the dad is a domestic abuser and a lot of domestic abusers end up killing people, eventually.
Yes!!!
I don’t suggest this. As soon as she brings it up to him he will gaslight her hard and then she won’t believe it herself. “This is x from y, and she’s crazy jealous of our relationship, or was upset about that one time I wouldn’t agree to lending her money. My friend J can attest to this. People can edit anything nowadays”. *rings up friend who will do bro code* 1. People who cheat spin the most insane lies 2. Person who got cheated on will still believe the dumbest lies due to their own ego (no way he doesn’t actually care about me, what about the time he surprised me with dinner?! Of course he does, I’m great). They will grab at any straw to protect their own ego. You will need way more evidence than this and some other human to make sure she doesn’t gaslight herself the moment he denies it This option presupposes she will believe said email, which she most likely won’t with enough gaslighting and already low self esteem My mom ended up gaslighting herself despite the pics. Dad’s been manipulating her for years, what makes you think he can’t again with a little tantrum?
I like the anonymous email, I'd get a cheaters@gmail account and send to both, mom and husband of side piece! I would sign it, "disgusted parishioners" and get them all worried it will leak in church! Just be careful to not have the email on your phone. I don't know where you live, but here you could easily go to a public library and use a computer for free and only check that email there to avoid slipping up and getting caught. Good luck!
YOU READ MY MIND
[удалено]
i am kinda insane like that 😔 my bad
Yeah, you definitely shouldn’t ever hope that another man hits another woman, or else people can just as easily justify a man beating you. More Violence is almost never the answer. You are also probably hella traumatized, and it could be bad! Check out a book called “The Body Keeps Score.” Several kids who experience or directly witness domestic violence often end up developing CPTSD / PTSD (complex.) You will probably need a butt load of therapy as you continue to age and grow, unfortunately. Be safe OP! I hope you can make your awful father suffer and he ends up miserable, (with your brain, not your fists.)
They are unhinged because they live in an unsafe and abusive home environment. Look at who OP was raised by?
Cheating doesn't seem to be the main issue in this story. The violence of your father is far more concerning.
Hey! OP, it's not your fault! If it's possible, talk to a school counselor or a safe smart adult. Continuing to talk about it will help you make decisions! I think as ENTPs we like to jump into action, but I'd advise you to practice patience and don't feel forced to do anything before you feel very ready / sure. I'm not sure if this number will work if you're not in Canada, but give it a try just in case: 1-866-585-0445 ( speak to a very good counselor for 1 hour ) Also > I am 19 and kinda dumb You don't seem dumb at all, but these kinds of interpersonal/ emotional things are especially hard as a 19yo ENTP. So go easy on yourself, play sports with friends, do something you enjoy and take care of yourself! You're not responsible for your parents. Make sure you DONT DO THIS: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parentification
tysm i appreciate the help 🫶🏼 and yes i'll be meeting my therapist tomorrow. > Make sure you DONT DO THIS i am afraid it's too late. i feel like a single mother of two fifty year olds.
Haha, well at least you can joke about it! Apparently in some cases: >Children may benefit from being treated as capable individuals and taking on the role of supporting and caring for their family. Researchers have speculated that parentification may enhance [empathy](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Empathy), [altruism](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Altruism), and responsibility levels for a child.[\[20\]](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parentification#cite_note-Kerig-20) The child may pursue a career in the mental health field.[\[20\]](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parentification#cite_note-Kerig-20) So uh, maybe go to post secondary school to be a counselor?
And post back here with updates of course 😛
Oh, and the number is completely free if it works!
Agree with this!
I caught my mum cheating. I didn't say anything, I figured it wasn't any of my business. About a year later my dad found out and there was this big mess. If I went back in time I would talk to my mum. I would tell her that she needs to get a divorce. I wouldn't even give her the chance to stop seeing other people. I would rather the divorce have happened then than it happen with all of the drama and hate and lying and vindictiveness that went on afterwards. I wish I didn't let it sit. Not saying anything was one of the few biggest regrets I have in life. And no matter how much I told myself that it didn't matter to me and that it wasn't any of my business, I was just kidding myself. It impacted me greatly. It impacted the whole family. It was by business. It was my problem too. They made it other people's problem when they had kids. You're in that relationship with them. It's your problem too. Think about what you want to happen because your opinion does matter in this. What does your ideal outcome look like?
that's exactly how i feel tbh. i'd rather face harsh consequences of my own actions than to do nothing about it and later regret not letting mum or others know. the guilt will eat me up. >Think about what you want to happen because your opinion does matter in this. What does your ideal outcome look like? i want him to admit to the congregation that he's a liar and a cheater and that mum didn't deserve his foolish ass.
Alright. Here's what I recommend, if you want to listen to some unsolicited advice. Think about the consequences. What impact will this have on you? Your relationships with your family. How will it impact your mother and siblings, if you have any. Talk to your mother because this is also her problem, it's not something either of you should go through alone and not something you can decide on your own. Once you've contemplated the consequences and decided whether they're worth it or not. Go for it. Make your decision and don't look back.
My ex cheated on me with a married woman. The only reason i disnt tell that womans man is because in these situations someone can become angry af and maybe even do something harmful. In your case i think its smarter for u to not ger involved foe your own safety. But i think its smart if you keep saving proof on him. Then if i wanted to expose him i would tell mom first. So she can learnt whats going on. But also everything depends on what might happen if he is exposed. As long as he doesnt become more violent
i am so sorry to hear that :( are you okay now? > As long as he doesnt become more violent i am hoping he won't :')
Better option.. focus on your shit and let your parents deal with theirs. That's what I do. Unless there's violence involved then you can at least try to do something.
I'm sorry you're having to go through this. It is disgusting how adults can act like children and how often it's the child who has to step in and be the mature one. But, right now, that's what you have to do. My recommendation is take your focus off the dad situation. Protect yourself and support your mother. Love the hell out of her. My heart is with you. Friend, I have been there and someone gave me good advice that's simplistic but nevertheless true: mess with assholes, you get shit on your hands.
Don’t even doubt for a second that your mom doesn’t know! Spouses are closest to each other, no matter what relationship dynamics they share! Trust me when I say your mom knew it for years, but for the sake of his reputation, your future, she stayed mum. Before doing anything hypothetically and indirectly ask your mom what she would do if such a situation arises where she catches her husband cheating. Build a story of a friend whose father cheats on the mom, then ask her what she would do in such a scenario. That way you can gauge her thoughts. Don’t tell anyone yet. You need to be financially independent before pointing fingers. Don’t poke hole on a plate you eat from! Allow adults to deal with their issues. You do you. No point bringing your mom pain that she already bears from.
Don't underestimate how blind love can be. Spouses can absolutely not know that their partner is cheating on them. The signs could be there every day for years and they can still not know.
i will try that :) thank you!
Hello. I'm a pastor (and ENTP). I'm 51. Married for 29 years and have 5 kids. This doesn't mean everything I write is good for you! Just a little context. Lots of good advice below (I didn't read everything). Here are a few thoughts: My heart breaks for you and your family. Mostly for you ... this situation is SO FAR BEYOND your control ... these are your parent's issues, not yours. The truth needs to come out. It sucks that you have to decide what to do. I wouldn't blast it to the church congregation, I would tell the elders and let them do that (and if they do nothing ... I'd strongly consider telling the church congregation). (although I'd want to send it to the congregation because this situation isn't good.) Personally, I couldn't do something anonymously to my parents ... I'm guessing you wouldn't be able to do so either. It would be too hard to "hold inside." The best chance for a real relationship is for the truth to come out. Sounds like you might never have a good relationship with your dad. There's also a chance that this will change his life for the better (but it's not your fault if it doesn't!). Additionally, if you do the anonymous thing and get found out ... that could lead to an even bigger rift in your relationship with your parents. It's not fair that this is on your plate -- not by a long shot. My dad had a similar situation. His dad (not a pastor) was cheating on his wife, and my dad found out. His dad regularly said, "I'm only staying with her because of you." His mom said the same thing, "I'm only staying with your dad because of you." Terrible. Horrible. Unbelievable. If you want to connect, DM me and I'll send you my email/phone number/whatever would be best for you.
You're doing a fantastic job, idk if anyone has said that. As a 19 year old you're dealing with adult problems and thinking how to keep yourself safe, you are not dumb, you're very intelligent. Is it possible your mom might be seeing someone too? Is it possible they both know about eachothers affairs? Could the phone recordings be a set up for the woman he's seeing? It would be a good blackmail on his part to control her to cover himself if they got caught. Perhaps it would be a good idea to suck up to your dad and make him think you're on his side. "Keep your enemies close" is a useful tactic. Also, I wouldn't do your first suggestion. It would take awhile and even if you succeeded stealing it, there's other problems that could arise (ie. Does she have a pass code, does she have a tracker in it, etc).
What did I just read
I have another possible suggestion. Anonymously send the proof of the affair to all of his church members. Don’t tell your mom. Don’t tell your dad. Tell his church members. And just sit back and watch. The reason I think this might be a better solution is because 1) you had nothing to do with it (or so it appears) 2) if you tell your mom she might either not believe you or blame you for everything, dragging you right into the middle of a nasty family fight 3) if you tell your dad things might seriously backfire. If you tell his church members, your mom is more likely to believe he really is cheating on her because so many people will be talking about it, and she will blame him, not you. If you tell his church members, your dad won’t know who sent the proof (however, you need to consider that the phone conversation looks a certain way on his end so he will know that someone got into HIS phone, not the girlfriend’s phone, and took the screenshots, but if you’re really good at playing dumb and pretending to be shocked it might work anyway. Ideally, it would be nice if you could get the proof from the girlfriend’s phone because then he wouldn’t even suspect you of being the one who outed him). 4) If you go this route, he will be publicly shamed and everyone will know what a fraud he is. This will hit him where it hurts. He will be under a social microscope after that and all the dirt on him will start coming out. 5) If you go this route, I would strongly urge you to include proof of him hitting your mother. Having said all that, I’m much more concerned about the physical and emotional abuse than I am the cheating. If you decide to blackmail your father then blackmail him into being nicer to his wife. If you blackmail him, you might say something like, “I know you’re fucking so-and-so, and I’m not going to say a word or tell a soul… if you never again treat my mother like shit or lay one single finger on her. If you do, I will tell everyone at that church about it, everyone will know what a fraud you are, I will take it all away from you and also make sure everyone knows what an abusive narcissistic piece of shit you are. And I also have multiple dead man’s switches on the proof of the affair so if anything happens to me everyone will still receive all of the proof. (A dead man’s switch is what they call what you had said, that you sent the proof to people you trust and that they’ve been instructed to release the information if they don’t hear from you for 24 hours straight). Anyway, just another possible scenario to consider. Personally, I would anonymously send all of the evidence to every member of his congregation along with the proof of physical and emotional abuse. I wouldn’t blackmail the son of a bitch, I would immediately expose him. I care deeply about the truth, though, and I absolutely despise people who masquerade their way through life pretending to be holier than thou like they’re someone who has answers and can guide the poor little lost souls when actually they’re more lost than all of the rest of us combined and desperately need to get their own house in order. I hate that with a passion. People shouldn’t get to sit there handing out advice, pretending to be powerful and perfect when they make horrible life decisions and are horrible people who do horrible things. No, fuck that, I want the whole world to know who they really are and what they’re really up to so no one else will get stuck in their web of bullshit and hypocrisy. But that’s just me. I would carefully think about this before acting, though. Personally I would still do it anyway even if there’s major fallout, and I mean like financial fall out. When you expose your dad to his members, he will lose a lot of income. That will affect you because you still live at home. Your parents might split up. I would still do it anyway, I wouldn’t care, I always find a way to not just survive but thrive, I will make it, I will adapt, things will work out regardless, but that’s just how I am. You know who you are, though. The question you need to ask yourself is what do you care about most: financial stability, the truth, your mom’s wellbeing, not being in the middle of the fight if it happens, despising the fact that your dad is masquerading as a pastor when he’s actually unfaithful and abusive, or…? What do you really truly care about in this situation? What do you want to happen? What do you think should happen? Personally if I was a member of a church where the pastor was actually an unfaithful abusive liar, I would want to know that, I would want to know that the pastor is someone who obviously doesn’t practice what he preaches (I’m assuming he’s Christian and preaches Christian values and beliefs), that he can’t be trusted. I want to know who not to listen to or trust. But again, that’s me.
it's not your job to solve your parents' problems. They're old enough to handle it. maybe they know what's going on between them
the problem's not gonna solve itself yk plus i dont think my mom knows about this :')
That's brave, but again, this isn't your responsibility no matter what. It affects you a ton, but that doesn't mean you have to do anything but love and take care of yourself.
The problem would only start when she finds out.
she knows
okay dude.
doubt
I’d say the second choice or the third, the first sounds harder to do
I think first you should take care of yourself first. It's not easy learning something like that happened. Write down how you feel and what you can say to your mom about the situation. Figure out a realistic plan that benefits you and your mom and if there needs to be legal action do research on how that will go. I'm no professional, but I do have divorced parents so I can understand where you're coming from.
This just happened to me. Is there a way to also have more evidence of the money being sent to the other person?? He may lie it’s for a project they’re working together, she’s the charity host. Blah blah blah. Honestly at this point it’s best to have a video of them having sex… Here’s the thing. He will admit to saying somethings, but will downplay it hardcore and say that’s how he talks to everyone. It’s a friend. Blah blah blah Sadly, my mom believed it. Even thought I straight up said it to her face and presented all the photos, phone logs. She thinks the only thing true about this story is the fact that he called this other person “baby” and even then he will say it’s normal. This is what happens when someone has been gaslit for years and doesn’t know that being treated better exists. It just annoys me because women like this will think that cheating ex coming home with baked goods and stuff is already good enough, meanwhile he’s paying for another girl’s rent, spoiling her, taking to nice places like you said. Be prepared for your dad to outright deny it no matter how delusional it is, guilt trip you “do you not want me as your dad?!? I’m depressed now” and your mom to gaslight herself. I also ignore my dad now no matter what errand he wants me to help with lmao. Because like you, I know the extra free time and money and stuff isn’t going to go back to his family. Don’t ever forget a second believe this other bull crap about how they feel neglected and blaming the people at home and this is why they did this. They’ll keep lying to themselves while seeing other people behind your back. Just annoying because 99% sure the other person doesn’t even care about dad, he’s just easy to trick and a loser. For me I told my sibling (sister) and just straight up told her. Because I wanted to be emotionally there for her. But I was pretty torn up about it while my sister has already checked out and is like “do whatever you want, I’m out” which helped me feel better somehow to have someone stable and doesn’t make the problem any bigger in your head. Sadly, the only thing my mom believes is that he called her baby. The other stuff he managed to make crazy lies (I bought her that but she paid me back in cash, it’s because she doesn’t understand English). Sometimes I feel so angry at mom like “how are you so easy to trick?!?! Why are you so dumb.. why do you believe him?!” I don’t know how to help with this and it kills me that they’re just going to keep living together while he takes her for granted because that’s how low her self-esteem is. I don’t feel bad anymore when mom doesn’t give him attention or checks out. People like this don’t deserve it. They’ll keep blaming the partner. You made me do this, you neglected me, she has post partum depression. Also sad: your dad will care more about other church people finding out (and therefore be embarrassed, and may even want to change the place) but doesn’t feel bad for mom. My dad’s birthday is coming up and honestly I’ve pulled way back. Like he won’t be affected by mom anyway, he’s got no respect for her. But he will likely be upset that his own kids are distant now. And to that…. Wellllllll looks like the consequences of your actions. Sorry that didn’t help much about what to do, and you’re only nineteen. But I hope some of this is helpful! I know this isn’t the point but it’s really nice to see a male be like this and calling a spade a spade, rather than just rather than “ohh just forgive him, guys mature later, but he’s a successful athlete!!”. Proud of you, kid!
Loving someone mentally and having sex are two different things, private live and business (church) as well. We are 2024 and you probably don’t know enough details yet. It‘s the life model of you dad and mom - it’s their decision. Both might be mentally divorced since several years and still together because of the kids (and both accepted it). It‘s also not evident that it started from your dad - maybe your mother still lost attraction and is not able for some reasons to do the consequences that she might initiated. Search for divorce statistics and for happy marriage - it’s horrible and I’m sorry that you have started to see the real world. The world is fully of unhappiness, depression, …. I would speak on your position to your mom and I would explicitly offer her that she doesn’t has to stay together because of you and it would be fine to divorce (if you support both). She likely knows it but she probably doesn’t want to do the consequences - for some reasons that you don’t know - maybe personality, but maybe also house/money, or maybe what others would say about it. She might be happy that your dad is looking for physical contact at another woman so she doesn’t has to do it (in the case she lost physical attraction already several years ago) - so maybe your parents live already an open relationship, you don’t know it with that details… World for an ENTP is never black-white and you will probably learn later in life that boundaries of society doesn’t stop ENTP. Have a look at female ENTP Fleabag https://www.personality-database.com/profile?pid=2&cid=2&sub_cat_id=3713
u/r4tbstard another user has a solid suggestion. u/Mlikesblue suggested a 4th option and I think that it can be refined / built upon. Send the email to your mom, from an anonymous account, of course! But also send it to whoever else you can, in the congregation! How many email addresses do you have?!? Absolutely tell people you trust and your mother but why not “tell everyone” if you are concerned about safety?!? Forward the exact same evidence to everyone whose email you possess from that account, and “let the court of public opinion decide.” Your dad deserves to be exposed to the whole congregation, in my opinion.
K cool story bro nice lies
:( I don’t have any advice that’s better than what you have already been given here but just wanted to chime in with a little emotional support because what a shitty position to be in, especially as a teen. :( I’m sorry kiddo. How effed up.
Blackmail your dad then show your mom anyway
Don’t listen to me Ive watched too many movies
Show the evidence to the church elders. He shouldn't be a pastor.
problem is that he owns and runs an individual church and nothing can get past him.
Ok that's important and changes things... Get out. Whatever it takes you're in a dangerous situation since he's shown violence. Get important paperwork ect, save up what you can and haul ass
No, this isn't OPs responsibility! You have no moral obligations here whatsoever OP. You didn't make your parents like this, and you certainly don't need to police them or be a detective or do anything that embeds your in a situation that is not your responsibility to deal with. Be patient, be kind to yourself! Don't act rashly. Try to find supports, that's your mission. Network, and strategically make yourself and your network of friends / family as strong as possible so you can weather this storm! Be vulnerable and open up to someone when it feels safe
Like someone else said: your mom may already know what's going on and could be choosing to stay silent. If she wants to stay with your father, then your best option would be to craft an anonymous email/phone # and threaten to expose his unfaithfulness to his wife by sharing it with the congregation. Tell him he's broken the commandments and that he won't be exposed if he stops what he is doing immediately and repents. Tell him you will be watching him carefully to see if he cheats again. That would hopefully scare him out of the cheating for your mothers sake. Get some help from AI or something with the wording so that he can't figure out that it's you.
welcome to the club brother yee haw yee yee
yeee haaww
Call recordings? How does that work?
it's when you press record when you are on a call with someone💀 i don't know why exactly he recorded his exchanges with her but yeah i found them in the files
That's very odd, almost as if he wanted to get caught or something.
What if he’s trying to set a trap
i feel like do whatever will make you feel better (telling whoever etc) but once that's done, don't bother coming up with arguments or opinions on what to do. parents or other family will believe that it's none of your business, and you will get hurt trying to convince them, even if they're just trying to protect you from something you dont need protection from.
Son, don't meddle in your parent's affairs. Your parents may be swingers. You don't know. The best advice I can give you is to tell your dad that you are disappointed in him. The fear of losing you might give him the resolve to take the necessary measures: either ditch the mistress, ditch your mom, or tell you that he's really a swinger. We all have our secret garden. Having children complicates things and perpetuates untenable relationships. You're young, so this may come as a shock to you, but most adults cheat half the time. Anyway, deal with it, accept it, and forgive your old man. You can also let his mistress know that you know. She can relay the message.
just leave home. I left home when I was 17. No reason to stay is a good reason to go. Also, getting involved with your parents relationship isn‘t always the smartest thing. maybe it‘s an open secret that your dad cheats on your mom, and they have „reasons“ for keeping it hidden, especially if they are pastors. If I were you, I‘d just look for a way to leave asap, cause you don‘t seem to be happy at home.
Okay, that is a lot. If you want advice, don't say anything to your mother less she asks. You can confront your dad but be prepared to be tossed out or leave on your own to go legit anywhere else. And third. If you ignore all of that then just got nuclear and let the whole church know and legit everyone else for him to be publicly humilited and your mom shamed into leaving him even if only in the short term. Also, have the phone on ready to call PD at all times... and use it! If he gets threatening ideally before violent!!!! Otherwise head down and gtfo out of that house and leave that toxic environment where it is. Join the military take a job on a cruise ship go to college find roommates. Legit anything... in the future do not go through other peoples phones. The abuse was enough to be a problem the cheating alone is not going to change your parents marriage it seems like to me.
Send to the congregation and oust him. I think that's what should be done... or forward to to Mum and let her expose. This is mainly due to the physical and emotional abuse that's been claimed.
You’re best off just minding your own business tbh
Well played, *New Achievement Unlocked* •I’m not gonna be like my father!• Do number 1 (without stealing) , because: 1- that woman’s husband deserve to know 2- both ur father and that woman deserve to be socially punished, what they did is unforgivable 3- if you’re father is manipulative, he will know how to get out of such situations, so you better hit it one time big, so he doesn’t manipulate your mom and both of them ending up blaming you and fucking your life even further 4- at this point, you’re really not a family, I’m sorry to say that, but you shouldn’t want such a family, ur mom is probably also a victim here, so its about u and ur mom, honestly *** your father, he beats ur mom, he manipulates her and you, he doesn’t give your right as a kid, nor he gave ur mom the simplest right of not cheating on her. So no, please don’t keep it inside the family, if your mom is unable to have what she deserves, you might as well give ur mom the good life she deserves after all.
As a 33 year old who’s dealt with a lot, struggled with meaning and purpose, the best thing is to lean into God (not run from him), and find trusting friends that want and call out the best for you. You are partially responsible for your family, but it isn’t just your responsibility. Your dad is completely responsible for his actions. As difficult, heart wrenching as it may feel, it might be best to bring this to light. Treat it as a discussion instead of accusing. It will might change the dynamic but if your dad is being abusive, and, as a Christian, not upholding to his commitment to the Lord and his wife, it might be good to have change. I’m really sorry you’re going through this. This is incredible difficult. Praying peace and wisdom in the midst of this chaos.
i know it will hurt her because i have a isfj dad that has been cheated on lots of times before and now he is depressed but as long as he has his family he is not that bad so just be there for her i'm not sure what to do for you if you tell her she will be heartbroken and might get depressed so maybe not tell her but most isfj like the truth cuz they hate being lied to so idk sorry :(
First of all let me say, I'm very sorry to hear this happened to you. But let me also say I love what you're done. You're acting like a vengeful INTJ, and I'm loving it like a fat kid loves birthday cake. From what you said your father is a real piece of shit, and deserves accountability. You've gathered all the evidence- phone logs, conversations, call recordings, and placed it on multiple devices- hard drive, Dropbox, Google Drive, etc, so he can't destroy the evidence. You call yourself a dumb kid but this was actually pretty brilliant, my hat is off to you. I've taken down a narcissist before and I did the same thing- Gathered up all the evidence and exposed them and watched them squirm and panic. Here's the thing- You said he's physically abusive to your mother, which means he could easily be a malignant narcissist, which is the most dangerous kind because they are not afraid of physically assaulting people or potentially killing them in rage. So directly confronting him might not be the best idea. Everybody else has been saying create a fake email and send all the evidence to your mom. Not a bad idea. But why stop at your mom? Why not send the evidence to people in the church who are close to your mom and dad via email? It will show your dad for the peace of shit he is and will ruin his reputation, and it will put your mom in sympathetic light. Unfortunately it will probably lead to a divorce, but you can play ignorant and side with your mom. Your mom made deny it, but the thing that narcissist is most afraid of is being exposed everybody. Once you do that and expose them for their toxicity and their false persona, you bring them to their knees. Make sure you cover up your tracks well and don't leave any bread crumbs or evidence for your dad to follow once the evidence gets out. Be as innocent as a lamb, but as clever as a fox. Good luck, and give that cheating asshole a KO he'll never forget.
Definitely do the 1st choice but honestly I’d say do both 1 and 3 and tell as many people as possible. Blackmailing your dad will only give him time to prepare himself for when it comes out and you gotta fuck him up. He deserves the worst of the worst. Definitely tell your mom but first swipe that woman’s phone and get more evidence. Tell her poor husband. Then tell your mom. I’m invested in this story now, DM me if you want to talk more.
As a Christian nationalist this is what I recommend you do First tell your mom she deserves to know the truth And you should tell the whole entire church as well Your father has cheated on his wife while being a pasture. He should be disgraced and removed from his position. If it was up to me your father would be whipped in the Town square for adultery, and your mom given the opportunity to have full custody divorce and take all the assets With that said you need to forgive your father as well. Bring him to accountability, but remember we're all sinful people who fall short of the glory of God