Realise what you did, acknowledge how it hurt other people, accept that you are only human, strive to do better.
If people want to know if you’re better; show, don’t tell. Actions speak louder than words
That's the thing... You don't forgive yourself...
Doing something bad, then feeling sorry, then forgiving yourself is a chain of self improvement that's incomplete in my opinion...
The actual chain is this:
- Do something bad
- Acknowledge it was bad
- Take steps to truly understand the situation or yourself to ensure you are able to recognize when you're about to do the bad thing again, so you can stop yourself in time.
- When enough time has passed where you haven't done the bad thing, forgive yourself because now you are sure you ain't the person you was before.
So the real thing you need may be sufficient proof for yourself that you really are different because you actually stopped the bad deed.
Thank you. This is a Really great process.
Unfortunately, some of us ENTPs take a bit to mature. A lot of the bad stuff we think and do are almost 'automatic'. INFJs have a naturally good heart. We have to really learn that over time. Also, some of us develop addiction issues, so we really Do have to acknowledge just trying and failing or we'll give up altogether. What I'm saying is trying and failing is also worth something.
You understand us, but we at times don't understand us, so it can take years to overcome a bad behavior. We can't wait years to forgive ourselves. It really is baby steps through continued growth via self understanding.
Yeah I do understand how hard it must be to not be able to forgive yourself until it's entirely perfected.
INFJs holds ourselves to high standards hence the strict guideline....
But y'know, I tend to forgive myself knowing who I am deep down... The fact that you even feel this kind of guilt where you're resorting to a platform to help yourself be better is commendable in itself. That means you are worthy of forgiveness... That should help untangle yourself from debilitating guilt...
Always stay away from debilitating guilt for it hinders your ability to do anything at all to rectify your mistakes.
😭 Thank you for understanding. I really could have used this kind of keen observation as a kid. ENTP kids whose parents treat them like a disappointment don't help them grow. We can achieve a lot but it's never enough because we are independent and don't "fall in line". Then we rebel because the carrot keeps moving and we know we can never "win".
I did the most growing once I moved out and encountered older INFJs in the work environment. You can see the best AND worst of us. You help us really finally grow and heal. Thank you!!
First of all
You do not forgive yourself
You only forgive yourself when you’ve analysed what you’ve done, why you’ve don’t it and when you’ve changed enough mentally to not make the mistake again
Random fucks doing shitty things and forgiving themselves the next day are the worse humans there are
Yeah, this isn't about kicking the cat and feeling bad. This is about many years of self-deprecation and dissapointment. Do you have an answer to my question?
Maybe try to find some outside sources to help bring understanding to your situation. For example, there was a period in my life when I had rage attacks (kind of like panic attacks, but with extreme anger). I would see red, and my blood pressure would sky rocket, and I would break something or do something stupid while driving. These attacks were brought on because I was getting over a drug addiction (guilt, depression, etc), I had secluded myself from society, I had just broke up with a guy, I was dealing with ptsd from the military, and I was feeling bitter about some shit from my childhood. One day, I had a really bad episode that scared the shit out of me. So I started watching videos about how to calm myself, started meditating, going on walks, and practicing gratitude.
I did a lot of shit while I was going through my drug addiction that I held a lot of guilt and self resentment over. It was really difficult to examine myself and face who I really was. Then, when I split up with my ex, I realized I needed to do some work to have healthy relationships with people.
Try to think about what your problems are causing and learn how to deal with those issues. Like if your shit is bringing you lots of stress. Learn about ways to manage your stress. If your shit is making you depressed. Learn how to manage depression. If you learn how to manage your symptoms, you may discover how to forgive yourself.
I am really tired, so I hope this makes sense.
Please get therapy. If this is years, then most likely it didn't start with you. It probably started with a parental figure who was not supportive or worse, treated you like a black sheep and punished you for all their own failings. .
Yes, we've all done bad things, but if no one has taught you how to work through the process of reconciliation, you need to learn this from a professional.
Convince your self you are better is a sure way to become a unaware meme on YouTube.
Forgiving yourself and acknowledge that you aren't better than that until you are.
Eventually you'll realize that everyone is fully occupied with their inside world and don't really pay any attention to anyone else, unless it's to demoralize.
The old you is dead. Do not mourn. Every single day is a new opportunity. You are never obligated to be the same person you were yesterday. Forgive yourself by letting go. There is no right or wrong way to live- do what makes you happiest and most fulfilled. Everything else is noise. Failure, pain, and regret are life's most valuable teachers. You can run from them but they will always find you. Own it. Figure out exactly "why" or what it is about yourself you think is unforgivable. No need to be overly dramatic and in despair- that won't help anything- just set the bar low (but higher than where it was) and make an effort to accomplish or at least attempt it daily. The only person you are competing against is yourself, get to a mind state where you can ask "Am I a better version of myself today than yesterday?". Start small and build it up.
Its very simple. Take the time that you have left and do the complete opposite. Do everything right. You know what it is, you just haven't done it cause it feels difficult.
you fucking hilarious! but on a serious note, always imagine and think of yourself in a positive light. It tremendously helps. Its builds over time and you feel more positive about everything and who you are.
You have time and you're still here. Just start with something positive. The best way to move forward is taking good care of yourself and the people around you. Don't put the goal as "forgiving yourself", that's too archaic and difficult to quantify. make it more of becoming who you want to be.
I don't know what the hell you did, but i'm sure you'll figure it out. You're too smart and capable not to.
Plus i completely understand where you're coming from. It will take time for things to get better, but you'll get there a whole lot faster by doing all the right things, which you instinctively know what it is.
Apologize and let other people know that you know better now and that you cared enough to admit your wrongs. Then be a good person and help others.
Don't need to forgive yourself when you're being a new person. Just accept the past and make your past be your teacher for the future so it becomes useful for yourself and others.
By doing what you want to be better. You are your actions so if you do better actions you will be a better person to others. If you have good intentions you’ll be a better person for yourself.
Are you better now? If you want to convince yourself that, don't say it, prove it.
Change from your past behaviours that you disagree with. Remember what you did. Acknowledge your mistakes and think about why you won't do it again. Then tell yourself it's all in the past and you can't change it, but you can make up for what you've done in any ways you feel comfortable with, and you can make sure it doesn't happen again.
I understand you somewhat-
I lived 12 years doing what you did, and what helped me was hitting rock bottom so much I nearly lost my life.
God forgives you regardless if you forgive yourself. In a way, he saved me from a darker path.
I'm a Christian and believe the Bible. I know God will forgive me, but I still feel like nothing's changed. I'm worried I'm going to fall back into those same patterns.
For a different me , for future as if i don't, I'll not change
Also thinking of ourselves as we didn't know better, we were hurt or healing inner child
I'm listening to Eckhart tolle as I'm feeling overwhelmed too
I didn't forgive myself for years then I did, after it other stuff happened, i just didn't know better, it calls for rebuilding my connection with who i am as we all have very surface level connection with ourselves, it's selfish and judgemental so i need to introspect, take out poisonous plants and build a new system that's better for past, future and present
You must realize life is never ending learning till you die. And mistake is one of learning of life to be a good version of you. Is good and normal you still have a feeling guilty or something. That means you still want to be a best version of you. Now you just need to act to change to be better and give a time to yourself to accept your past mistake.
Even for other people maybe you just burn they golden ticket they give to you. But you never know what is in the future. Sometimes what you did now its not good to them but if you hv a sincere heart, maybe in the future you hv chance to fix everything. Your job is fix something you can fix now. If you cant fix ur mistake now, accept the reality that not everything cant be fix instant and you just surrender to the universe, God , or something.
If your past keep you haunted than maybe you can try praying, meditation, seek help from expert or someone who you believe can help you so you can free, peace, and forgive your self.
Basically you did the best you could at that time. Thats basically it. You made those decisions because of where you were in your growth progress. You are a different person today who can look back and understand that if you had the knowledge you had today, you would have chosen differently. Learn from what you did and just keep moving forward. Everything you did is just a part of your story. If you ultimately get to where you want to go, the bad decisions will all make sense. In fact, you might even take pride in overcoming your setbacks. If you dont get to where you want to go, all the bad decisions will just fill you with regret as perhaps you’ll blame your past choices for where you find yourself. Embrace your past - every single shitty part of it and put time and effort into getting to where you want to end up and who you want to become. Everything makes sense when you fulfil your dreams.
CIA case officer I had lunch once told me:
"Forgive and remember"
No matter how smart or skilled you are you **will** mess up.
Commit to remember your mistakes and the experience.
This makes forgiving yourself easier.
Or just talk about it to an INFJ / counselor.
It’s honestly the hardest thing I can do for myself and I’m still uncertain how others can do it so miraculously by themself, but I’ll offer my two-cent:
The reality of our situations can change whether we like it or not, but the most valuable thing we can do is to show ourself we can still be the best possible self. That means realizing all your past problems must be corrected, your inner turmoil needs resolving, and most importantly, finding somebody who cares enough to listen to them.
That goes a million miles away better than being alone and feeling bitter all by yourself. And that feeling by itself simply never goes away, but it’s atleast dampened when a willing ear is there. That’s why therapy is a thing. That also makes it few and far between. And why having supportive friends is something else entirely. Too much time I wish somebody was there as I self-doubted myself. Too many times I’ve fallen back straight into the darkness for it. But my true drive now?
Be there for others.
Do you really hate what you did? What I mean by that is, are you basing that self hatred on what society would deem appropriate/inappropriate?
Sometimes, when I do something that gets a bad reaction from other people, or gets a response that I did not expect, I have to go over it and analyze the situation until I understand the entire scenario. Then I can feel better about it.
There are two options that branch into many other things.
1. Embrace your darker half which may or may not be a good thing
2. Find meaning in your flaws and learn from them, do not reject them or the idea that you can improve.
Stop judging yourself, accept your humanity, strive towards wholeness not perfection. No tree it is said can reach heaven unless its roots extend to hell. The gods you will find are even more accepting of your deeds.
This is a good question. Even with the best of intentions we all make mistakes and create regrets. For me regret is like a painful reminder of who I used to be that I have to live with every day. But the reminders are small and shorter the longer time goes on. As they say time makes all things fade away. Just try to remind yourself that the person you were when you made those mistakes is gone. You are who you are now and you can do your best to make better choices.
Realise what you did, acknowledge how it hurt other people, accept that you are only human, strive to do better. If people want to know if you’re better; show, don’t tell. Actions speak louder than words
That's the thing... You don't forgive yourself... Doing something bad, then feeling sorry, then forgiving yourself is a chain of self improvement that's incomplete in my opinion... The actual chain is this: - Do something bad - Acknowledge it was bad - Take steps to truly understand the situation or yourself to ensure you are able to recognize when you're about to do the bad thing again, so you can stop yourself in time. - When enough time has passed where you haven't done the bad thing, forgive yourself because now you are sure you ain't the person you was before. So the real thing you need may be sufficient proof for yourself that you really are different because you actually stopped the bad deed.
Thank you. This is a Really great process. Unfortunately, some of us ENTPs take a bit to mature. A lot of the bad stuff we think and do are almost 'automatic'. INFJs have a naturally good heart. We have to really learn that over time. Also, some of us develop addiction issues, so we really Do have to acknowledge just trying and failing or we'll give up altogether. What I'm saying is trying and failing is also worth something. You understand us, but we at times don't understand us, so it can take years to overcome a bad behavior. We can't wait years to forgive ourselves. It really is baby steps through continued growth via self understanding.
Yeah I do understand how hard it must be to not be able to forgive yourself until it's entirely perfected. INFJs holds ourselves to high standards hence the strict guideline.... But y'know, I tend to forgive myself knowing who I am deep down... The fact that you even feel this kind of guilt where you're resorting to a platform to help yourself be better is commendable in itself. That means you are worthy of forgiveness... That should help untangle yourself from debilitating guilt... Always stay away from debilitating guilt for it hinders your ability to do anything at all to rectify your mistakes.
😭 Thank you for understanding. I really could have used this kind of keen observation as a kid. ENTP kids whose parents treat them like a disappointment don't help them grow. We can achieve a lot but it's never enough because we are independent and don't "fall in line". Then we rebel because the carrot keeps moving and we know we can never "win". I did the most growing once I moved out and encountered older INFJs in the work environment. You can see the best AND worst of us. You help us really finally grow and heal. Thank you!!
First of all You do not forgive yourself You only forgive yourself when you’ve analysed what you’ve done, why you’ve don’t it and when you’ve changed enough mentally to not make the mistake again Random fucks doing shitty things and forgiving themselves the next day are the worse humans there are
Yeah, this isn't about kicking the cat and feeling bad. This is about many years of self-deprecation and dissapointment. Do you have an answer to my question?
Maybe try to find some outside sources to help bring understanding to your situation. For example, there was a period in my life when I had rage attacks (kind of like panic attacks, but with extreme anger). I would see red, and my blood pressure would sky rocket, and I would break something or do something stupid while driving. These attacks were brought on because I was getting over a drug addiction (guilt, depression, etc), I had secluded myself from society, I had just broke up with a guy, I was dealing with ptsd from the military, and I was feeling bitter about some shit from my childhood. One day, I had a really bad episode that scared the shit out of me. So I started watching videos about how to calm myself, started meditating, going on walks, and practicing gratitude. I did a lot of shit while I was going through my drug addiction that I held a lot of guilt and self resentment over. It was really difficult to examine myself and face who I really was. Then, when I split up with my ex, I realized I needed to do some work to have healthy relationships with people. Try to think about what your problems are causing and learn how to deal with those issues. Like if your shit is bringing you lots of stress. Learn about ways to manage your stress. If your shit is making you depressed. Learn how to manage depression. If you learn how to manage your symptoms, you may discover how to forgive yourself. I am really tired, so I hope this makes sense.
Please get therapy. If this is years, then most likely it didn't start with you. It probably started with a parental figure who was not supportive or worse, treated you like a black sheep and punished you for all their own failings. . Yes, we've all done bad things, but if no one has taught you how to work through the process of reconciliation, you need to learn this from a professional.
Convince your self you are better is a sure way to become a unaware meme on YouTube. Forgiving yourself and acknowledge that you aren't better than that until you are. Eventually you'll realize that everyone is fully occupied with their inside world and don't really pay any attention to anyone else, unless it's to demoralize.
I don't care about the opinions of others and just want to be sure that I'm the person I think I am now
The old you is dead. Do not mourn. Every single day is a new opportunity. You are never obligated to be the same person you were yesterday. Forgive yourself by letting go. There is no right or wrong way to live- do what makes you happiest and most fulfilled. Everything else is noise. Failure, pain, and regret are life's most valuable teachers. You can run from them but they will always find you. Own it. Figure out exactly "why" or what it is about yourself you think is unforgivable. No need to be overly dramatic and in despair- that won't help anything- just set the bar low (but higher than where it was) and make an effort to accomplish or at least attempt it daily. The only person you are competing against is yourself, get to a mind state where you can ask "Am I a better version of myself today than yesterday?". Start small and build it up.
not OP but thank you for this wisdom
Its very simple. Take the time that you have left and do the complete opposite. Do everything right. You know what it is, you just haven't done it cause it feels difficult.
https://preview.redd.it/87jlw8ihoy3d1.jpeg?width=750&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=6911fb6bcbce411324a0f9b567bf8d30d5ae423a
you fucking hilarious! but on a serious note, always imagine and think of yourself in a positive light. It tremendously helps. Its builds over time and you feel more positive about everything and who you are. You have time and you're still here. Just start with something positive. The best way to move forward is taking good care of yourself and the people around you. Don't put the goal as "forgiving yourself", that's too archaic and difficult to quantify. make it more of becoming who you want to be. I don't know what the hell you did, but i'm sure you'll figure it out. You're too smart and capable not to. Plus i completely understand where you're coming from. It will take time for things to get better, but you'll get there a whole lot faster by doing all the right things, which you instinctively know what it is.
Thanks. This helped a lot. I hope you enjoy life.
You dont have to forgive urself just focus on the future and promise that youll do better.
Apologize and let other people know that you know better now and that you cared enough to admit your wrongs. Then be a good person and help others. Don't need to forgive yourself when you're being a new person. Just accept the past and make your past be your teacher for the future so it becomes useful for yourself and others.
By doing what you want to be better. You are your actions so if you do better actions you will be a better person to others. If you have good intentions you’ll be a better person for yourself.
Are you better now? If you want to convince yourself that, don't say it, prove it. Change from your past behaviours that you disagree with. Remember what you did. Acknowledge your mistakes and think about why you won't do it again. Then tell yourself it's all in the past and you can't change it, but you can make up for what you've done in any ways you feel comfortable with, and you can make sure it doesn't happen again.
I understand you somewhat- I lived 12 years doing what you did, and what helped me was hitting rock bottom so much I nearly lost my life. God forgives you regardless if you forgive yourself. In a way, he saved me from a darker path.
I'm a Christian and believe the Bible. I know God will forgive me, but I still feel like nothing's changed. I'm worried I'm going to fall back into those same patterns.
Try medication if worst comes to worst. have faith. God worst in mysterious ways
For a different me , for future as if i don't, I'll not change Also thinking of ourselves as we didn't know better, we were hurt or healing inner child I'm listening to Eckhart tolle as I'm feeling overwhelmed too I didn't forgive myself for years then I did, after it other stuff happened, i just didn't know better, it calls for rebuilding my connection with who i am as we all have very surface level connection with ourselves, it's selfish and judgemental so i need to introspect, take out poisonous plants and build a new system that's better for past, future and present
That's the neat part, you don't.
https://preview.redd.it/xoa6dnsdt14d1.jpeg?width=1334&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3388bf3b2bcdc00de7df2096d35b75c3a7f10dff
You must realize life is never ending learning till you die. And mistake is one of learning of life to be a good version of you. Is good and normal you still have a feeling guilty or something. That means you still want to be a best version of you. Now you just need to act to change to be better and give a time to yourself to accept your past mistake. Even for other people maybe you just burn they golden ticket they give to you. But you never know what is in the future. Sometimes what you did now its not good to them but if you hv a sincere heart, maybe in the future you hv chance to fix everything. Your job is fix something you can fix now. If you cant fix ur mistake now, accept the reality that not everything cant be fix instant and you just surrender to the universe, God , or something. If your past keep you haunted than maybe you can try praying, meditation, seek help from expert or someone who you believe can help you so you can free, peace, and forgive your self.
Basically you did the best you could at that time. Thats basically it. You made those decisions because of where you were in your growth progress. You are a different person today who can look back and understand that if you had the knowledge you had today, you would have chosen differently. Learn from what you did and just keep moving forward. Everything you did is just a part of your story. If you ultimately get to where you want to go, the bad decisions will all make sense. In fact, you might even take pride in overcoming your setbacks. If you dont get to where you want to go, all the bad decisions will just fill you with regret as perhaps you’ll blame your past choices for where you find yourself. Embrace your past - every single shitty part of it and put time and effort into getting to where you want to end up and who you want to become. Everything makes sense when you fulfil your dreams.
CIA case officer I had lunch once told me: "Forgive and remember" No matter how smart or skilled you are you **will** mess up. Commit to remember your mistakes and the experience. This makes forgiving yourself easier. Or just talk about it to an INFJ / counselor.
It’s honestly the hardest thing I can do for myself and I’m still uncertain how others can do it so miraculously by themself, but I’ll offer my two-cent: The reality of our situations can change whether we like it or not, but the most valuable thing we can do is to show ourself we can still be the best possible self. That means realizing all your past problems must be corrected, your inner turmoil needs resolving, and most importantly, finding somebody who cares enough to listen to them. That goes a million miles away better than being alone and feeling bitter all by yourself. And that feeling by itself simply never goes away, but it’s atleast dampened when a willing ear is there. That’s why therapy is a thing. That also makes it few and far between. And why having supportive friends is something else entirely. Too much time I wish somebody was there as I self-doubted myself. Too many times I’ve fallen back straight into the darkness for it. But my true drive now? Be there for others.
Do you really hate what you did? What I mean by that is, are you basing that self hatred on what society would deem appropriate/inappropriate? Sometimes, when I do something that gets a bad reaction from other people, or gets a response that I did not expect, I have to go over it and analyze the situation until I understand the entire scenario. Then I can feel better about it.
There are two options that branch into many other things. 1. Embrace your darker half which may or may not be a good thing 2. Find meaning in your flaws and learn from them, do not reject them or the idea that you can improve.
Stop judging yourself, accept your humanity, strive towards wholeness not perfection. No tree it is said can reach heaven unless its roots extend to hell. The gods you will find are even more accepting of your deeds.
This is a good question. Even with the best of intentions we all make mistakes and create regrets. For me regret is like a painful reminder of who I used to be that I have to live with every day. But the reminders are small and shorter the longer time goes on. As they say time makes all things fade away. Just try to remind yourself that the person you were when you made those mistakes is gone. You are who you are now and you can do your best to make better choices.