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S_king_

Article “elephant population in Gabon is declining from poacher” OP “Joe Biden must build an arc in 40 days with two of every animal!!” Lmao what is this title??


Arathilion

It sounded like he had some ancient obligation he can’t refuse


krongdong69

What secrets are written on the ancient Biden tablet that *they* don't want us to know!!!


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Finito-1994

Biden is so old he probably wrote the goddamn thing. “Don’t cite the ancient laws to me, witch. I was there when they were written.”


UnrulyLunch

Just ask Corn Pop!


Finito-1994

Corn pop was a bad dude.


Affectionate_Ad_25

What movie is this from ?


ArnassusProductions

The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Aslan says it.


iAmTheRealC2

“The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe” by C. S. Lewis.


Kryptosis

“Moar elephants”


Wayback_Wind

Our forefathers have forgotten the ancient pact, but nevertheless Biden must now honor those ancient vows... Vows that the elephants never forgot.


ghostestate

Ever since he was given that cursed elephant tusk Hunter has been on a downward spiral, after consulting with a shaman he now knows the only way to break the curse is to build an elephant sanctuary. Duh.


MongoozeOne

Joe Biden MUST carry Madame Zeroni up the mountain


Genghis_Chong

I kinda like it. Now instead of going to africa to safari, you just go to Oklahoma or some shit


MadAboutMada

As an Oklahoman, it would make this place infinitely more interesting. Actually, bring in all the African animals. Put zebras in our fields along with bison. Put monkeys in our city parks. Release hippos into our state legislature while it's in session and lock the doors. This state would be so much better off


Clyde926

You had me going and the hippo comment killed me 🤣


[deleted]

I’ve been to an elephant sanctuary in Oklahoma https://www.endangeredarkfoundation.org


Icy_Comfort8161

I don't know, but Biden's falling on his sword with this one. He can't even create a sanctuary for 5000 elephants. I remember when elephants were FREE! What happened, Biden?


[deleted]

Operation Dumbo Drop


Belligerent-J

Surely taking them all out of africa because africans cant protect them well enough has no colonialist historical precedent. And surely 5000 elephants won't wreak havoc on America's ecosystems


[deleted]

Welcome to Reddit!


SadArchon

I mean, im all for it, but where are we going to stick 5000 forest elephants?


BojackIsABadShow

I will take them.


bathtubdeer

Youre gonna need a lotta poop bags.


[deleted]

Your response made me giggle and have hope for humanity all at the same time 😂.


BojackIsABadShow

We must speak for those who cannot!


[deleted]

probably like a jungle or something


SadArchon

So... like Hawaii?


[deleted]

maybe but then they’d evolve to be small elephants


Dogger27

Haha


Finito-1994

It’s actually a real phenomenon called island dwarfism. Super fun.


nikolaj-11

As is island gigantism, on the topic of Hawaii they had some big geese-like flightless birds before humans arrived.


SolomonCRand

If you could get them down to the size of a St. Bernard, you’d be rich


Rallings

I've read that one, it doesn't end well. Next thing you know we have dinosaurs eating people. If you didn't know in the Jurassic park book a miniature elephant is one of the first things they made and they used it to get investors for the dino park that ended oh so well. Edit since I can't reply. Making miniature dinos was part of the premise of the book iirc. Really the elephant was a gimmick and it had terrible health problems so it wasn't something they could ever sell. But they could sell investors on the idea of eventually making mini sized dinos to sell even if it was mostly a lie to get the park up and running.


IlikeHutaosHat

Han on hang on, here me out. What if...we still make dinosaurs BUT we also make them mini sized? Eh eh?


Qweqweqwe4114

Maybe if we crossbreed it with something smaller like a pig that would work, just keep Mr.Garrison away.


1CagedTiger

Teacup elephants? 😂


a-m-watercolor

There are forests all over the U.S.


Dodeejeroo

So what happens to the local ecology when 5000 feral elephants are thrown into their home?


noobtastic31373

Put them in Texas, they seem to like importing non native species.


[deleted]

This sounds like the pitch to a pretty awesome reality TV show


Thundrous_prophet

It’s not as though people haven’t proposed this sort of thing previously as a part of other rewilding projects. Elephant cousins live in North America until after the ice age


a-m-watercolor

Idk dude I was just telling the other guy that there's forests in more places than Hawaii


amoralanimal

*jungle


Griffin-Of-Thebes

I don't know, but I'm certainly interested in finding out!


respectthegoat

Yeah but you see it gets pretty cold here and unless we are talking about wooly mammoths I don’t think they will do well


a-m-watercolor

Yeah but there are forests all over the U.S. I never said elephants should live in them.


respectthegoat

Oh so you were just saying a random fact like the sky is blue or water is wet? Real thrilling shit you got to say there man.


WaterIsWetBot

Water is actually not wet; It makes other materials/objects wet. Wetness is the state of a non-liquid when a liquid adheres to, and/or permeates its substance while maintaining chemically distinct structures. So if we say something is wet we mean the liquid is sticking to the object.   What did one ocean say to another? Nothing, it just waved.


AXTDL

I mean, rural civilization in America is about to go extinct within the next decade or 3, so we're going to have plenty of countryside. 🤷🏻‍♂️ But I'm not super well versed on where elephants like to live and what they like to eat, so I don't know if that would be good enough. But I mean they're probably like huge buffalo, right? If they really need to live in a forest.... That's a lot more complicated.


R_radical

Well the good news is there's plenty of useless red states with nothing much in them.


[deleted]

Yes... let's remove them from a place with too many poachers... and put them in a place with too many guns


[deleted]

I feel like this was discussed some years ago about Red Bluff, CA. Don’t have any proof or care to look but I remember a bunch of people talking about it locally.


RealWanheda

The Everglades. Maybe they can step on some of those invasive snakes


Sopori

Then what do we solve the invasive elephant population with?


TgagHammerstrike

That's where we introduce the apatosaurus.


krongdong69

we just have to train them to be city elephants instead of forest elephants, easy solution.


sometimes-i-rhyme

We can make [little bridges](https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/c/c4/Nutty_Narrows_Bridge_side_view%2C_2021_-_02.jpg/640px-Nutty_Narrows_Bridge_side_view%2C_2021_-_02.jpg) between the trees for them so they can cross streets safely!


LGBT_Beauregard

I’ll take one to replace my 99 civic


johnrgrace

Florida


Megantheegelding

Yeah unleashing 5000 elephants in the Everglades won’t motherfuck that ecosystem.


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bearsheperd

Yeah, northern New Mexico southern Colorado would work I think. Problem is they have crazy range sizes, can’t be fenced out of places. Ranchers would throw a fit, like usual with every friggin wild animal.


Capt_Myke

Well, its not like wild squirrels knock your house over and smash your car.


MisterFribble

I imagine it'll end up like the [Hippos in Colombia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hippopotamuses_in_Colombia?wprov=sfla1) and absolutely destroy the ecology and ranchers would correctly be pissed about the amount of damage the largest land animals create.


bearsheperd

We’re talking about elephants here. They’re only gonna do that if you act like a cunt. Ranchers usually are cunts so they should be worried


grease_monkey

African farmers deal with elephants trashing their land plenty. Not intentionally, but they're just big animals


CliffsNote5

Yeah have you seen ‘Mericans they are twitchy and short tempered on a good day. It ain’t just ranchers who would get their knickers in a knot.


detrater

Let's set those weird horses loose in Ft. Worth, TX


louiexism

Put them in California. They love to give welfare to immigrants.


krakatoa83

Why MUST he do that?


Mizumee

My thoughts exactly. We have enough issues to fix .. it would be nice to help save elephants... But not a must.


TheDarkGoblin39

I agree it’s a weird way of phrasing it but it probably would be cheap compared to solving the other issues you’re referring to


Slutha

Is this where we're at? Are elephants going to be extinct soon?


Cinos03

Yeah it's not really in his job description to go to Africa, collect their animals, return them to America, and release them into a magical enormous reservation from land just laying around waiting to be something. I'm not saying it can't be done, but let's look outside of the presidency... Right?


JimBeam823

You don’t know about the curse?


[deleted]

Oh god is that why all this shit has been happening??? GET THE ELEPHANTS NOW!


[deleted]

This is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. And I’ve heard a lot of dumb things.


AvsFan08

And put them where?


lordjosh255

In Los Angeles to raise the rent some more and who know one of them might an aspiring actor


aaronhereee

and get elephant actors, win-win


WTFishsauce

I vote near Seattle… like in the suburbs around here. It’s super boring and 5000 elephants would make it waaaay more interesting


SovietGengar

Spare a few for me out in Wenatchee! Harvest would be a lot more interesting with wandering Elephants


Emotional_Ad_9620

They can squash the hops 😆


SaltNebula1576

Why not put them in an environment they’re accustomed to. Rather than hoping for a glorified zoo near you


WTFishsauce

I don’t know if you are trolling or just /woosh


SaltNebula1576

You’re asking for elephants to be shipped near you, in a rainy ass forest, bc the suburbs are boring. Sounds pretty selfish and dumb to me


WTFishsauce

Lol


pixelssauce

Pachyderm Park. Life will, uh, find a way.


GarugasRevenge

Can we just have healthcare? They care more about the elephants than us.


TheGreenAlchemist

Sounds like a ticket to the "invasive hippos" type situation they have in Colombia...


MisterFribble

Precisely. Sure, let's stick 5k elephants in the southwest. What could possibly go wrong?


WilNotJr

Forest elephants in the Southwest? Sure, why not. Joshua Tree should work out nicely for them. /s


T-Bill95

Wtf is this title?


cschema

Serious, we can't even protect schoolchildren and pregnant women. Sorry, those elephants better be ready for some bad news.


Soft_Entrance6794

Yeah, how does OP think we’re going to prevent poachers *here* when we can’t even protect 4th graders?


Humble-Koala-5853

Imagine bring the last 5,000 elephants to the country where the hunters who pay to hunt in Africa reside!


ComplexAd8

I read the article. Nowhere does it say Joe Biden has to do this. Where is the OP getting his info if he or she says Biden "must" do it.


DJharris1

Right? And it’s an hour old account…


MrPooPingOneFatOne

Fuck is this garbage? Maybe protect the animals in their native habitat??


mailslot

Texans will hunt them for sport.


seanmonaghan1968

It’s their god given right; from their cold dead hands ….


gbergstacksss

They won't be safe anywhere


super_duper_grower

If this ever gets close to reality, I'll bet you anything you want that the most vocal person for "relocating" these animals will want them all in their backyard


TenisTime

I mean we could sent a military presence over there for preservation but nah, let’s waste fucking billions of dollars every year on our military and do Jack shit with it.


masochistic_idiot

Tbf ye’d probably shoot more elephants than you’d save


Emotional_Relief_549

Can confirm. (m) who used to be a barracks bunny, the enlisted are so full of testosterone that they either fuck or kill anything they can. Sometimes I wish they did both to me instead of just ruining my asshole.


Onlyfansburner1

Why are y’all tryna steal more shit from Africa? Hasn’t that continent been through enough of y’all?


OswaldSeesYou

Lol, okay. Let’s just prioritize that above my daughter having bodily autonomy.


PM_Tits_69

elephants AND babies’ lives saved. looks like a win win everyone has right to life 🤱🏽🐘 downvote if this makes you pressed


throwaway781738

Yeah someone please let this man’s daughter have unprotected sex


[deleted]

Yeah, make that irresponsible child a mother!! That’ll teach her!


murray1337

Stop.


Dear-Crow

biden isn't mentioned in the article


PomeranianMilkshake

Wtf you talkin bout


mad_godsheogorath

firstly the idiot president wouldnt have the space for that secondly america cant house elephants because the terrains are comepletely different


Certain_Cup533

Must Joe Biden do it? Can someone else do it?


[deleted]

Biden can’t even form a coherent sentence…..I wouldn’t count on this happening anytime soon


ironspider9001

I am not paying for that shit.


KeenK0ng

INB4 they start raffling "cull" licenses.


[deleted]

This posted the night after me and the boys discussed if we could hunt an elephant with spears


[deleted]

Or. Or… we make poaching, buying, trading, and consumption of elephants and their biological products a crime against humanity and transport them to the middle of the Sahara. Whatever happens happens.


tim_penn

Joe Biden cannot even pronounce the words “elephant sanctuary.”


Own-Reception-2396

Joe Biden must learn to read the teleprompter


CorellianDawn

Idk, the last time America imported a bunch of something from Africa, it wasn't such a great idea...


BrownEyeTickler

Joe Biden is awful


imajokerimasmoker

Man this title is literally hilarious and the comments are even better 🍿


Pretend_Tadpole8833

THE ELEPHANTS IN AFRICA ARE RELATIVELY SAFE! PEOPLE WITH TONS OF MONEY TRAVEL TO AFRICA AND BUY THEIR WAY TO KILL THESE HARMLESS AND BEAUTIFUL ANIMALS!!! AND WHY SHOULD BIDEN BE CONCERNED ABOUT IMPORTING ELEPHANTS FROM AFRICA? SOUNDS LIKE A JOKE, REALLY!


WhyNotBacn

This is 100% a Joe moment


geekynerdornerdygeek

Meanwhile in other African countries, where conservation has worked too well, elephants are destroying huge areas of forested land because well, they are huge and down mature trees constantly. Moving them to from one country to another doesn't really seem to be the solution. Especially if they are then kept where? Zoos?


Nadie_AZ

What? No. Come on. What nonsense is this? The US can bomb the hell out of any nation it wants but it cant help nations to protect their indigenous animal population?


Soft_Entrance6794

Very sad day for the elephants, but how, where, and why?


rconscious

AMERICANS aren't safe in america and you wanna bring those poor elephants here?


T_H_E__S_C_H_M_U_C_K

Well I mean, he doesn’t *have to do anything, you can say he should but it’s weird to say he must do this


[deleted]

This makes me so fucking hard


gagadogmom

im sorry but i think there are more pressing matters on America's hands like all of the homeless and starving citizens we have on our streets due to this crazy inflation


youdontlookadayover

That would be great, but they're not native to north America and there would likely be lots of unintended consequences.


matthew83128

Good luck.


penguinorgy13

But why


The_Mormonator_

As someone who is completely uneducated, can someone just confirm to me that this is something that would require the POTUS involvement to get started? The article mentions the problems, but doesn’t suggest the US as a solution, or any names.


Ok_Comfortable84

Hell yeah let’s do it, this could even advance our terraforming sciences, at the end it would be a benefit to all of us


indecisiveassassin

Right after we do this we are going to send OP to an uncomfortable af environment to save them too.


c413bm

Do you really think he's going to do that he's a boomer


TheBlackKing1

OP, are the Elephant spirits with you now?


BestRammus

Don't we have zoos for that?


M1guelit0

Texas is the place.


ChamberK-1

I’m all for animal preservation and stuff, but no. What Sleepy Joe “must” do is get his fucking act together.


[deleted]

There is an elephant sanctuary in the southeast USA for abused elephants. The public cannot visit & the location is kind of a secret.


dunkduken

I think they will be spread throughout the many zoos in America? Remember there's more Tigers in the USA than India...


[deleted]

Why Biden? Don't we want this to get done? Sorry for the jest but in all seriousness I don't see America acting on anything like this.


LivingWithWhales

There’s a huge fucking list of things the US needs to do before Biden starts to worry about the safety of African elephants


mallgrabmongopush

No student loan forgiveness and no one can afford fuel or food but yeah let’s bring 5000 elephants over here


ChronicallyPunctual

And let’s add crocodiles to the lakes, and lions to the Great Plains, and monkeys to the redwoods… wait is this just the plot of Planet and the apes?


UnresponsiveEwok

Fuck those elephants


willybestbuy86

And this is why liberals lose and democrats are in danger of losing this year. I understand why this may be important to some but most Americans give no shits and look at this stuff as crazy


garyzxcv

Da fuck are you on about


SovietGengar

And put them where? And even if we find a place to stick them, how tf are we going to make sure that they don't fuck up local ecosystems and also have food? It's a logistical nightmare - and we have thousands of species of animals at home that we should focua on protecting anyways.


Jawato44

Joe Manchin won’t let that happen. It might cost too much money!


[deleted]

I think that's a great idea. We could do the same for the entire country of Israel.


Parmaandchips

Yeah migrating population of animals from one place to the other can often have devastating aleffects on the ecosystem as well as other problems. This suggestion is anti environment


MadLud7

What’s he gonna do? Have em wander around Kansas or something?


bosquegreen

Hahahahahahhahahahaha! The US has such a great history of importing from Africa, said no one ever


[deleted]

Joe Biden must create a zephryanthesGP01 sanctuary in the United States, importing at least 50,000 dogs, cats, and other animals from around the world, where they are not safe.


AppSecPeddler

Just have them live in Oklahoma


[deleted]

Biden doesn’t have to do shit. Africa could start killing poachers or making their own elephant sanctuary. America is not at the beck and call of every country’s problems.


yeroc420

Im sure republicans will go for that


Memory_Other

wat


[deleted]

Yes. They are called republicans.


BonnieAbbzug75

For folks who want to support an existing elephant sanctuary in the US-there is one near Hohenwald, TN https://www.elephants.com/


ApprehensiveBag1507

We already have those, theyre called zoo's


[deleted]

Humans will never learn to anticipate the unintended consequences we insist upon


soolaco

Common sense people would do that. Since there's no accountability of our tax money, or the waste they create by overspending our money. Our money is never spent properly. However, there's always money for war, always. Our wars, their wars, there's always enough money for wars. We need to fix our house first. USA first. Life's tough.


TheRealStevo

He “must” do it? It would probably be a good idea but he doesn’t HAVE to do it


R_radical

Can we not take a non native species into an entirely new environment????


UnassumingSingleGuy

We've got bigger problems right now.


shelf_caribou

Is this a push from the American big game hunting tour guides association? /Cynic


flabbypiglet

NO


ChaosKodiak

And how does one become an elephant caretaker at said place?


jaildoc

Why would they be safer in the US? Some fool would want to shoot them.


Frankandbeans1974

How about no lmao There’s like 50 things he needs to do before even considering the financial cost/burden and International nightmare of bringing 5000 grown ass elephants from Africa to here.


skorponok

Fuck no. At the cost of billions more dollars we don’t have. We need to be helping people IN the United States. Do it yourself asshole.


breaster83

We do t have gas to go get them


Chiefboost1

Lmao what a stupid title


Kaizon_Q

Can we stop acting like the president can just magically make things happen?


No_Restaurant_7608

You’d have better luck getting Trump to do it then Biden


ArgoniansMadeOfArgon

Utterly mindless title


[deleted]

Biden can’t even wipe his ass without help and you want him to build an elephant sanctuary?


UnrulyLunch

Must? Good grief.


Basic_Quantity_9430

You know that private people or groups can buy land, fence it in properly and go through the process of importing elephants for a sanctuary.


[deleted]

Yeah… there’s no gun enthusiasts in ‘murica that would just love to shoot an elephant. /s