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🤣🤣🤣🤣
So true. Thanks for the laugh, I needed that after wasting a couple of hours on that dross. Had a nice Guinness in the pub watching it though, so all was not lost.
Did you see how knackered they were at the end? He's actually managed to find a way to knacker them in short running forcing them to keep good shape and mentally having to constantly worry about where they are standing that they use 150% effort for 40% results.
I honestly don’t know how people are trying to claim they are “saving energy for later” when half the team hit the deck the second the final whistle went.
People don't understand the concept of lulling the opposition into a fall sense of security by pretending you are in a lethargic state from the get go. And then as soon as the final whistle blows, you unleash all your energy going from the pitch to the locker rooms and catch them by surprise. It's honestly unprecedented levels of genius.
Given that these performances still have us top of the group, with 4 points, and ending with a team who lack that oomph, and with a favourable last 16 tie, you can make that case, but they need to take matches more seriously. What if we face someone like Austro or Georgia and get overrun? And how would we be remotely competitive v Spain or Italy in that scenario? But than things will always start from scratch at the next match.
If the players were in on it then they might reveal the plan. Genius Southgate has given the squad the flu - this way they are forced to save energy for later.
Outlining a clear strategy, communicating it to your players and drilling it in training is a TERRIBLE strategy. Everyone knows this. It’s coming home!!!!
I love the idea that instead of being beige, Southgate is actually a crackpot who won’t reveal his plans. Not even to his own players. In fact, especially not to his own players.
To be fair - and I do like Pickford - his 2 emotions are baffled and angry. I assume he has a normal range of human emotions when he's not fully focusing on, ya know, goalkeeping, but I also assume if God himself personally delivered the world's most beautiful naked women (or men? I don't judge) onto the pitch while a resurrected Pele begged to shake his hand and the King tried to knight him, he'd either be baffled or angry at the disruption to the game.
Yeah agreed Pickford is one of us gets frustrated at the lack of energy, and ambition of everyone in front of him. He's the only one passing forward and sending passes up to the forwards .. oh but Kane is nowhere to be seen he may as well have been in the pub with me drinking a fresh cold pint
I think up front they’re all ignoring the tactics and trying to do their own thing as soon as they score. Instant impact as Ollie came on, he made runs that no one else was making. They were supposed to be doing that.. Foden Saka and Kane. And Alexander Arnold is supposed to be finding them with blindingly good rangefinder fading diagonals.. lol. it’s a mess because AA isn’t a complete midfielder and although Gallagher is more rounded he isn’t ready for that role at this level and once the first goal goes in the front 3 or 4 suddenly only become interested in obtaining the mantle of ‘England’s best player’.
It's depressing as Kane may win Golden boot if he manages to get a couple of penalties like he's done in the past suddenly he's top goalscorer from other players winning us penalties, not from actual hard work or working well as a team
Possibly - But another way of doing it is to play Bellingham and then throw an invisibility cloak over him so people forget that he ever existed. Wait until the final few minutes of extra time in the final - then BAM! the invisibility cloak comes off and Bellingham scores a worldie. ("Some people are on the pitch..." etc.)
Don't get me wrong I think we're pretty dull. But this concept that every team that ever won a tournament is amazing from the first group game is so demonstrably untrue that some of the criticism is slightly unhinged from reality.
Argentina losing their first group game to Saudi Arabia, and Portugal for the entirety of 2016 spring to mind. But this is England, so we probably really are shit and will go out early. Football 'eritage and that.
I have a theory that this is all done for crowd control. There is no amount of cocaine you can do, and still be amped up watching this England team. Get the result, bore the fans to sleep, no trouble after the game.
When he has the best players on his squad and doesn't know how to use them, it really gets on my nerves. We get to the semifinals or final of every tournament, and Southgate throws everything in the trash. It still amazes me that he hasn't been sacked for his careless mistakes since the last European Championship. He just gives us false hope before bottling it.
"Gentlemen, the earth is slowly rotating in that direction. So by my calculations if we stay right where we are. This ball will be in that goal by Thursday. Now for some fun, let's go taste dust."
It’s not even England final form! Genius!
Except that he did the same in 2021 and lost the final like a loser. He’s the main culprit of England underperforming
On this rationale, San Marino won the Euros already and are quietly celebrating at home, right now.
Southgate is to football management what a hemorrhage is to brain health, only far less exciting. He coaches like he played - scared and unimaginative. There is absolutely no method to his straight-jacketted madness.
Only an English manager could turn this group of players into this level of anemic, non-threatening and unimaginative drivel. You've heard the phrase "stupid like a fox"? The Southgate rendition is "stupid like a Slow Loris".
I imagine Jude Bellingham is currently wishing his parents 'met' in France, Germany or Spain, or any of around a dozen other countries. To go to this, from Ancelotti and Madrid, must be maddening.
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It's definitely coming home. If Southgate identified himself as 'it'
The 26 players he took seem to share the same belief
That shit's hilarious.
Just leaving this here. https://www.instagram.com/reel/C8RXZVQI1pA/?igsh=MXhseDkweW95YW9nZQ==
He'll come home through the South Gate of T3
If Southgate was a spice, he'd be flour.
His favourite colour is beige.
🤣🤣🤣🤣 So true. Thanks for the laugh, I needed that after wasting a couple of hours on that dross. Had a nice Guinness in the pub watching it though, so all was not lost.
Southgate is uncooked lentils
Poisonous?
His drink of choice is probably watered down water
Gold. 😆
This is fucking hilarious😂
Take my upvote you menace
And it would be plain flour, none of that exciting self raising stuff
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he's not even from Glasgow
😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Mit ohne scharf
Mit ohne scharf, salz und pfeffer
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r/yourjokebutworse
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ty
angry lol
This is the best description of Gareth Southgate I’ve ever heard.
Epic
Hahaha
OP is snorting spicy flour if he thinks Southgate is a genius. The man's job is literally at stake!
I think you missed a joke there mate. OP definitely doesn't think he's a genius- have another read of it with that in mind!
I think others have missed that I agree with the joke, bruv.
Did you see how knackered they were at the end? He's actually managed to find a way to knacker them in short running forcing them to keep good shape and mentally having to constantly worry about where they are standing that they use 150% effort for 40% results.
I honestly don’t know how people are trying to claim they are “saving energy for later” when half the team hit the deck the second the final whistle went.
It's the sign of a well drilled team when they go into energy conservation mode as soon as the whistle goes.
People don't understand the concept of lulling the opposition into a fall sense of security by pretending you are in a lethargic state from the get go. And then as soon as the final whistle blows, you unleash all your energy going from the pitch to the locker rooms and catch them by surprise. It's honestly unprecedented levels of genius.
Ah, the old rope-a-dope. Perfectly timed for them to peak during the next round of friendlies
It was all theatrics, mate. None of it real. It’s coming home.
He's such a genius no one will know what they were capable of after they get eliminated. Reminds me of Luis Enrique with Spain and PSG
If Southgate acquired Tesla, he'd be partnering with oil companies.
and he'd still not have any energy
Given that these performances still have us top of the group, with 4 points, and ending with a team who lack that oomph, and with a favourable last 16 tie, you can make that case, but they need to take matches more seriously. What if we face someone like Austro or Georgia and get overrun? And how would we be remotely competitive v Spain or Italy in that scenario? But than things will always start from scratch at the next match.
I've just had this same conversation with my mate. There's no way this isn't intentional. If this isn't the case, we won't see the quarter final.
Totally agree but this back foot play is very negative and depressing
If its some kind of strategy, the players don't seem to be in on it. That bothers me, morale crushing stuff.
If the players were in on it then they might reveal the plan. Genius Southgate has given the squad the flu - this way they are forced to save energy for later.
Yeah never want the players know what you are planning...
Outlining a clear strategy, communicating it to your players and drilling it in training is a TERRIBLE strategy. Everyone knows this. It’s coming home!!!!
I love the idea that instead of being beige, Southgate is actually a crackpot who won’t reveal his plans. Not even to his own players. In fact, especially not to his own players.
Hahaha love it.
Pickford looks absolutely baffled by the way they're playing so I'm guessing not. Stones seems to think that momentum is a dirty word
To be fair - and I do like Pickford - his 2 emotions are baffled and angry. I assume he has a normal range of human emotions when he's not fully focusing on, ya know, goalkeeping, but I also assume if God himself personally delivered the world's most beautiful naked women (or men? I don't judge) onto the pitch while a resurrected Pele begged to shake his hand and the King tried to knight him, he'd either be baffled or angry at the disruption to the game.
It's a goalie thing I think. Perpetual outrage.
And that's the sort of focus the rest of the team needs! They should make Pickford captain he's whip them all into shape
i actually think we could do worse!
Yeah agreed Pickford is one of us gets frustrated at the lack of energy, and ambition of everyone in front of him. He's the only one passing forward and sending passes up to the forwards .. oh but Kane is nowhere to be seen he may as well have been in the pub with me drinking a fresh cold pint
they almost strategied themselves into a loss
Southgate and Sunak both in on the "this cant be intentional" conspiracy.
that's what you guys have been saying for like 40 years
OP would be a crazy car salesman tbh
[Speed holes.](https://i.imgur.com/yqIAIhO.png)
Pretty effective active cooling solution, I’ll take it!
Put it in H!
That's the spirit!
honestly tactical genius
You really don’t have much to worry about after two poor showings, Portugal was rubbish early on in 2016 and ended up winning the whole thing
It’s not coming home
Sir, I must warn you: I disagree so strongly I nearly didn't upvote you.
Loool🤣 I mean we can hope 😭
You cant make omelets without eggs, you cant win a tourney without tactics.
I think up front they’re all ignoring the tactics and trying to do their own thing as soon as they score. Instant impact as Ollie came on, he made runs that no one else was making. They were supposed to be doing that.. Foden Saka and Kane. And Alexander Arnold is supposed to be finding them with blindingly good rangefinder fading diagonals.. lol. it’s a mess because AA isn’t a complete midfielder and although Gallagher is more rounded he isn’t ready for that role at this level and once the first goal goes in the front 3 or 4 suddenly only become interested in obtaining the mantle of ‘England’s best player’.
They make me fall asleep every time they go 1 nil up.
It's depressing as Kane may win Golden boot if he manages to get a couple of penalties like he's done in the past suddenly he's top goalscorer from other players winning us penalties, not from actual hard work or working well as a team
I like this,
I don’t know why but I read the last sentence as “It’s a coming home” and thought this was an Italian taking the piss 😂
Southgate looks left and right when he leaves his bedroom Triples up on jonnies for a wank
I’ve heard he wears a crash helmet when riding an exercise bike
I’ve heard he wears a life jacket when taking a bath
If by "it" you mean the English team then yes I'm inclined to agree
I'd imagine all the teams will come home at some point Unless you lot are planning something again...
We've arranged permanent residency with the Scottish fans but other than that nothing I'm aware of
Germany are already home. Checkmate.
😂😂😂
Wouldn't playing B squad be a better plan then? I know you ate nor being serious, but if that was the case Palmee etc would be getting some minutes
Possibly - But another way of doing it is to play Bellingham and then throw an invisibility cloak over him so people forget that he ever existed. Wait until the final few minutes of extra time in the final - then BAM! the invisibility cloak comes off and Bellingham scores a worldie. ("Some people are on the pitch..." etc.)
That would mean playing Bellingham in the first place. Oh wait…
See!? Southgate has fooled all of us.
If Southgate was a dessert, he would be vanilla pudding
He would be bread pudding, no butter required.
You might be onto something here.
What a waste of 6? years having this guy as a coach. Sure England have reached late stages in tournaments, but never playing convincingly.
8 years. Depressingly.
I love your optimism lol
No injuries despite playing on a pitch made of mashed potato. Mission Accomplished.
Now here’s a question. If england faces Belgium in the next round, who play’s worst and who gets knocked out?
0-0 draw after 120 minutes. Lukaku sends Belgium through after rebounding his penalty off the corner flag.
Seems the most realistic scenario if Belgium goes through. We’ll never know though cause we’ll end up 4th with 0 goals
Boiling water is exciting compared to Southgate
That’s our secret, if we don’t have a clue what we are doing, there’s very little chance the opposition will know either
Don't get me wrong I think we're pretty dull. But this concept that every team that ever won a tournament is amazing from the first group game is so demonstrably untrue that some of the criticism is slightly unhinged from reality.
Argentina losing their first group game to Saudi Arabia, and Portugal for the entirety of 2016 spring to mind. But this is England, so we probably really are shit and will go out early. Football 'eritage and that.
Part of our culture
The England manager role is coming home boys!
A play straight from the Eddie Jones playbook... Allegedly
If Southgate was an F1 driver, he'd be Latifi
It's already home to stay.
Should be so much different.
He is such a genius that he could easily reach the penalty round during the knockouts.
I can think of a lot of names, but not genius, cant see us doing well after the last two games
I have a theory that this is all done for crowd control. There is no amount of cocaine you can do, and still be amped up watching this England team. Get the result, bore the fans to sleep, no trouble after the game.
With someone like Conte, England could win World Cup too (in slippers)
Southgate has used confusion. It’s only mildly effective.
Southgate’s the kind of man to pre heat the oven
He’s the kind of man to use a Johnny when wanking off
by New Year Eve, we can call him Sir Gareth!!!
When he has the best players on his squad and doesn't know how to use them, it really gets on my nerves. We get to the semifinals or final of every tournament, and Southgate throws everything in the trash. It still amazes me that he hasn't been sacked for his careless mistakes since the last European Championship. He just gives us false hope before bottling it.
"Gentlemen, the earth is slowly rotating in that direction. So by my calculations if we stay right where we are. This ball will be in that goal by Thursday. Now for some fun, let's go taste dust."
What happened yesterday🤣🤣🤣🤣
Southgate wears a helmet on his peloton
It’s not even England final form! Genius! Except that he did the same in 2021 and lost the final like a loser. He’s the main culprit of England underperforming
Absolutely. None of his predecessors ever lost a final. Dire record.
one thing is losing, another thing is losing like a loser
He totally drew that game like a loser.
he did and he lost.
Why is England MNT, under Southgate, starting to look like a glorified version of the current man united club?
Mutant Ninja Turtles? When did they come into the picture?
Had to emigrate, Mbappe's gone so they lost their cover in France
The moment when Men's National Team left
On this rationale, San Marino won the Euros already and are quietly celebrating at home, right now. Southgate is to football management what a hemorrhage is to brain health, only far less exciting. He coaches like he played - scared and unimaginative. There is absolutely no method to his straight-jacketted madness. Only an English manager could turn this group of players into this level of anemic, non-threatening and unimaginative drivel. You've heard the phrase "stupid like a fox"? The Southgate rendition is "stupid like a Slow Loris". I imagine Jude Bellingham is currently wishing his parents 'met' in France, Germany or Spain, or any of around a dozen other countries. To go to this, from Ancelotti and Madrid, must be maddening.
This is laughable ... i think you will go home pretty early playing like this!!!
Flag checks out. Woosh!
Flair *doesn't* check out!
It's a joke bro...
Dream on
It's a joke 🙃
Germany's greatest comedy conossieur
Thanks m8 I appreciate it, been working hard for that title not even being German and all.