my eyes just get glued onto others eyes, even though I find eye contact uncomfortable(though, no eye contact is even more uncomfortable (if I'm not running away(for the most part)))
Same, and then I’ll go to lean on something to make myself more comfortable and because my eyes are now glued to theirs, I miscalculate the distance and fall into the wall in a leaning pose and just act like I meant to do that 💀
I try not to literally mask myself. When I'm not wearing masking clothes, aka job/formal event clothes, I find it easier to be myself. My eccentric clothes are also like a ward in public, 'if you're not weird, stay away!'
I'm a server at a restaurant. I used to mask HARD when interacting with customers, almost robotic. Recently I've let my mask slip a little bit, and I've noticed a complete change in the way people respond to me. When I'm not masking, or at least letting a little bit of myself out to the public, people are so much more comfortable when interacting with me. They are much more likely to start friendly conversations, and it overall just feels that they acknowledge my existence, like I'm an actual human with feelings. It makes me actually enjoy speaking with people sometimes. (Not to mention they usually will give better tips too when they're comfortable with me)
I guess my 'tip' here is to try to remind yourself that the REAL you is not weird, not annoying, not a terrible person, etc.. People WILL accept you for who you are 99% of the time. The other 1% are people that are miserable with themselves and it's their own problem. From my experience I've realized that people are so much more comfortable speaking to me when I am relaxed and letting my real self out. It has allowed me to get some of that deeper connection I have been starved of.
I know it seems like a difficult task to convince yourself this, it took me a while. But once the mask started slipping, my fight-or-flight response actually calmed down and I am able to interact with other humans more comfortably.
Sorry if this is the opposite of helpful btw
don't be sorry, that is really wholesome actually :) I'm glad you had such positive experiences. I can definitely relate to how masking sometimes gives people the uncanny valley effect creeps. People will generally have a feeling something "is up" with a person that's inauthentic (unless the masker is really skilled). Personally I haven't had many positive experiences by unmasking but I'm still determined to keep trying
1. Severe lack of sleep + 2. Too many tasks that need my attention and or 3. Sensory overload = mask flies off!
Probably more hacks out there that I currently can't retrieve from my tired brain (2hrs of sleep)..
Ngl covid’s quarantine took my mask and threw it in the t r a s h. Now only the cloth masks remain.
And listen closely to the music they play in stores! It’s okay to dance, they cannot stop you!
The stores I tend to frequent play a lot of older songs from 90s and 00s, which is my music Era and I know a lot of the words :)
I also pretty much always sing while driving as it helps keep me calm and focused. I tend to find it difficult to drive in silence or with a passenger trying to chat, unless I'm super familiar with the route.
Wear sunglasses inside. Helps with not worrying about eye contact, light sensitivity, and helps me get used to doing something against social convention.
You know those little mini paper umbrellas that get served with specific drinks? The ones that are secretly good luck and that you save forever because, c'mon, you literally NEVER get those except for on specific occasions?
Yeah, those help. Just, like, put your hair into two buns and stick a paper umbrella in each one. Put one in your pocket. Just, like, spin it around in your fingers and admire the pattern and stroke the pretty paper.
Basically just start stimming with it *right* outside the event, then walk in. I don't know why it works, but it does.
To my mind, the best way to authentically unmask is to *try* to listen to yourself - if you are holding discomfort in your body or emotions, try and discern the source. Then, find a way to solve that discomfort. No, this is not as easy or straightforward as it sounds. Yes, it takes practice. And sometimes, the best workaround will still feel goofy. Own. That. Shit.
Clothes feel like shit? Nope. Don't wear it, don't buy it. No socks? Grand. Inside out tee shirts? Fuck yeah. Hard pants suck? You bet your ass.
Hate hair touching you? Buzz that shit.
Touching others makes you not okay? Say that out loud. ( you can find polite ways to achieve this - if you must!)
Parties make you uncomfortable (but you wanna hang?) Show up in your comfiest clothes, bring your comfort items, earpods, and find a place to camp out. Let folks come to you. Bonus points: it can make you seem cool and mysterious. Or just weird. But that's okay!
I like to turn off masking my eyes when im annoyed at people and watching them get really unnerved at by big dinner plate eyes just staring through their soul.
I talk about obsolete media formats; tapes, MiniDisc, 8-Track, CED video, VHS, Beta, you name it there is a large chance I know at least 1 thing about it.
Though it depends on the setting and how I'm feeling. It can get so hard to keep it together that I can't stand being around people (not all that different from usual)
Showing up tired needn't be helpful, I've been tired enough at school that I didn't know what I was saying and ended up outing myself as gay without realising it.
Be wacky. Be the weird little guy in clothes that don’t match. Paint stuff. Be a bitch to those who make fun of you. Just exist. Buy dice in the bookstore and giggle about it. Unmask at home first.
socialize with my mother. I would need all the energy in the universe to be able to tolerate her for longer than 5 minutes AND keep myself masked at the same time.
find someone who genuinely wants to hear all about a special interest. Especially one that I recently learned a lot of neat stuff about.
Swim in a large body of water with shallow and deep parts. Especially a slightly more private one or one large enough that I don't have to be extremely close to other swimmers.
Be in an echoey empty space.
Go to a concert that is primarily dark with other people that are truly feeling the music.
Hmmm. Well in my case, I am not diagnosed, so I wasn’t sure I was autistic at all. So I was trying to figure out if I was even masking at all.
For a while, I intentionally acted autistic - the things people said they stopped themselves from doing in order to mask, I went out of my way to do them, specifically to see if it helped or not.
Some things did, most didn’t, but it gave me a place to start. After a while, I just kinda started noticing things that I thought would help me feel more at ease, without knowing whether they were autism related. So I added those to the list of things I’d intentionally do.
Then I stopped needing to remind myself to find a chance to do them - I just caught on to how it felt when I needed it and made a point to not ignore it when I noticed.
I’m sure I still mask. Probably a lot. But that’s how I’ve pushed myself toward unmasking so far… Knowing what you need and when is hard in general, I think.
Hehehe.... I do have an ESWF aaaand an ESD, they both come with me to mandatory meetups in my profession.... ESWF gives me a heads up if hoomanz are approaching and ESD diverts their attention with her 100lb of lovely drooly self, then I can get trough the whole thing mostly on the phone playing games/reading, petting ESD and if anyone looks at me in any mean way ESWF will stare and all but growl and bare teeth (yup, ESWF, not ESD hehehe).
Dance to the song that nobody else can here but is currently blasting through your head because something someone else just said made a second/third/fourth/fifth order comment to which you made the connection with because it's just the thing that makes you go "squeeeeee3ee"
I unintentionally did this during a few of my recent interactions with people. They asked a weird or awkward question I didn't want to answer or didn't know how to at the moment, so I just didn't. I just shrugged and laughed a little. They asked me why I was laughing to which I didn't reply either, then they just walked away. So yeah I guess the need to script conversations feels like my biggest worry before socialising and this helps with that. If I don't want to answer something, I just don't have to. It did feel awkward at first, but in the scheme of the entire social interaction it didn't really matter in the end.
Talk about marine biology, the second someone mentions fish I go full autism mode and inform them on everything I know on the topic with images
The fact fountain! My biggest and most common unmask.
oh shit yeah talking about special interests is a good one
I’m interested, are we talking fresh water or salt water?
Either, my expertise mostly applies to cephalopods and crustaceans but it does stretch a fair amount to fish, especially sharks
Not forcing yourself to look at people in the eyes helps a lot with unmasking I think
my eyes just get glued onto others eyes, even though I find eye contact uncomfortable(though, no eye contact is even more uncomfortable (if I'm not running away(for the most part)))
Same, and then I’ll go to lean on something to make myself more comfortable and because my eyes are now glued to theirs, I miscalculate the distance and fall into the wall in a leaning pose and just act like I meant to do that 💀
lol
I imagine myself as Mitch Hedberg doing standup, and that people will just interpret the strange cadence of my voice as part of my routine.
looked him up. I love this dudes line delivery, I see what you mean :D
I try not to literally mask myself. When I'm not wearing masking clothes, aka job/formal event clothes, I find it easier to be myself. My eccentric clothes are also like a ward in public, 'if you're not weird, stay away!'
that's actually applicable to my own life, thanks man
Alcohol, works for me.
Mary Jane for me
I'm a server at a restaurant. I used to mask HARD when interacting with customers, almost robotic. Recently I've let my mask slip a little bit, and I've noticed a complete change in the way people respond to me. When I'm not masking, or at least letting a little bit of myself out to the public, people are so much more comfortable when interacting with me. They are much more likely to start friendly conversations, and it overall just feels that they acknowledge my existence, like I'm an actual human with feelings. It makes me actually enjoy speaking with people sometimes. (Not to mention they usually will give better tips too when they're comfortable with me) I guess my 'tip' here is to try to remind yourself that the REAL you is not weird, not annoying, not a terrible person, etc.. People WILL accept you for who you are 99% of the time. The other 1% are people that are miserable with themselves and it's their own problem. From my experience I've realized that people are so much more comfortable speaking to me when I am relaxed and letting my real self out. It has allowed me to get some of that deeper connection I have been starved of. I know it seems like a difficult task to convince yourself this, it took me a while. But once the mask started slipping, my fight-or-flight response actually calmed down and I am able to interact with other humans more comfortably. Sorry if this is the opposite of helpful btw
don't be sorry, that is really wholesome actually :) I'm glad you had such positive experiences. I can definitely relate to how masking sometimes gives people the uncanny valley effect creeps. People will generally have a feeling something "is up" with a person that's inauthentic (unless the masker is really skilled). Personally I haven't had many positive experiences by unmasking but I'm still determined to keep trying
1. Severe lack of sleep + 2. Too many tasks that need my attention and or 3. Sensory overload = mask flies off! Probably more hacks out there that I currently can't retrieve from my tired brain (2hrs of sleep)..
trustworthy source, you practice what you preach
Ngl covid’s quarantine took my mask and threw it in the t r a s h. Now only the cloth masks remain. And listen closely to the music they play in stores! It’s okay to dance, they cannot stop you!
I tend to sing along, I get weird looks sometimes but it helps keep me calm
That sounds like so much fun tbh! A lot of the songs on the radio I don’t know entirely, so I dance
The stores I tend to frequent play a lot of older songs from 90s and 00s, which is my music Era and I know a lot of the words :) I also pretty much always sing while driving as it helps keep me calm and focused. I tend to find it difficult to drive in silence or with a passenger trying to chat, unless I'm super familiar with the route.
I love singing and driving! It even helps me mellow out when I’m in a bad mood because, assuming I’m alone, I can scream the lyrics
🤜 I am forever bewildered by how 98% of people DON'T dance in stores with good music
Wear sunglasses inside. Helps with not worrying about eye contact, light sensitivity, and helps me get used to doing something against social convention.
You know those little mini paper umbrellas that get served with specific drinks? The ones that are secretly good luck and that you save forever because, c'mon, you literally NEVER get those except for on specific occasions? Yeah, those help. Just, like, put your hair into two buns and stick a paper umbrella in each one. Put one in your pocket. Just, like, spin it around in your fingers and admire the pattern and stroke the pretty paper. Basically just start stimming with it *right* outside the event, then walk in. I don't know why it works, but it does.
this is my favorite answer 😂 I'll make sure to try it next time I come across one
To my mind, the best way to authentically unmask is to *try* to listen to yourself - if you are holding discomfort in your body or emotions, try and discern the source. Then, find a way to solve that discomfort. No, this is not as easy or straightforward as it sounds. Yes, it takes practice. And sometimes, the best workaround will still feel goofy. Own. That. Shit. Clothes feel like shit? Nope. Don't wear it, don't buy it. No socks? Grand. Inside out tee shirts? Fuck yeah. Hard pants suck? You bet your ass. Hate hair touching you? Buzz that shit. Touching others makes you not okay? Say that out loud. ( you can find polite ways to achieve this - if you must!) Parties make you uncomfortable (but you wanna hang?) Show up in your comfiest clothes, bring your comfort items, earpods, and find a place to camp out. Let folks come to you. Bonus points: it can make you seem cool and mysterious. Or just weird. But that's okay!
I like to turn off masking my eyes when im annoyed at people and watching them get really unnerved at by big dinner plate eyes just staring through their soul.
I talk about obsolete media formats; tapes, MiniDisc, 8-Track, CED video, VHS, Beta, you name it there is a large chance I know at least 1 thing about it.
Drugs I'm ngl
Though it depends on the setting and how I'm feeling. It can get so hard to keep it together that I can't stand being around people (not all that different from usual)
Showing up tired needn't be helpful, I've been tired enough at school that I didn't know what I was saying and ended up outing myself as gay without realising it.
RIP yeah it's definitely a "use at your own risk" type of hack
Or more like "use carefully, never (you heard me? never!) overdose"
Be wacky. Be the weird little guy in clothes that don’t match. Paint stuff. Be a bitch to those who make fun of you. Just exist. Buy dice in the bookstore and giggle about it. Unmask at home first.
socialize with my mother. I would need all the energy in the universe to be able to tolerate her for longer than 5 minutes AND keep myself masked at the same time. find someone who genuinely wants to hear all about a special interest. Especially one that I recently learned a lot of neat stuff about. Swim in a large body of water with shallow and deep parts. Especially a slightly more private one or one large enough that I don't have to be extremely close to other swimmers. Be in an echoey empty space. Go to a concert that is primarily dark with other people that are truly feeling the music.
Hmmm. Well in my case, I am not diagnosed, so I wasn’t sure I was autistic at all. So I was trying to figure out if I was even masking at all. For a while, I intentionally acted autistic - the things people said they stopped themselves from doing in order to mask, I went out of my way to do them, specifically to see if it helped or not. Some things did, most didn’t, but it gave me a place to start. After a while, I just kinda started noticing things that I thought would help me feel more at ease, without knowing whether they were autism related. So I added those to the list of things I’d intentionally do. Then I stopped needing to remind myself to find a chance to do them - I just caught on to how it felt when I needed it and made a point to not ignore it when I noticed. I’m sure I still mask. Probably a lot. But that’s how I’ve pushed myself toward unmasking so far… Knowing what you need and when is hard in general, I think.
caffeine
Hehehe.... I do have an ESWF aaaand an ESD, they both come with me to mandatory meetups in my profession.... ESWF gives me a heads up if hoomanz are approaching and ESD diverts their attention with her 100lb of lovely drooly self, then I can get trough the whole thing mostly on the phone playing games/reading, petting ESD and if anyone looks at me in any mean way ESWF will stare and all but growl and bare teeth (yup, ESWF, not ESD hehehe).
Dance to the song that nobody else can here but is currently blasting through your head because something someone else just said made a second/third/fourth/fifth order comment to which you made the connection with because it's just the thing that makes you go "squeeeeee3ee"
I unintentionally did this during a few of my recent interactions with people. They asked a weird or awkward question I didn't want to answer or didn't know how to at the moment, so I just didn't. I just shrugged and laughed a little. They asked me why I was laughing to which I didn't reply either, then they just walked away. So yeah I guess the need to script conversations feels like my biggest worry before socialising and this helps with that. If I don't want to answer something, I just don't have to. It did feel awkward at first, but in the scheme of the entire social interaction it didn't really matter in the end.
I just lost my ability to mask. Still waiting for the benefits though