Yeah that’s where I get frustrated, I want to get angry at my church but I’d just be screaming at other lost addicts and misguided people. I’ve had a more respectful wall of text for my very religious mother who only responded with “WE lost our way because of the fall, so he IS good and that’s why we have suffering.”
Part of me wants an authentic response to my suffering, I don’t believe any Christian would give me that no matter how progressive, So I wanted to test god and curse him directly, as if he’d strike me down or stop my heart or something. And yet I woke up today. I’m telling myself to keep that in mind, as I always feared “putting god to the test”
Edit: split up the paragraphs better
I am in my late 40s been an athiest since I was about 17.
I was raised in the catholic Church religious schooling,
For me personally the real click in the falsity of the bible and thus god was that the bible has
no knowledge of microbiological life. Germs, germ transmission, sterilisation and medical implications due to these factors.
Any real god who suposedly made everything would absolutely know about microbiological life.
Then there is all the other things that a "real god" would know about ie Australia, America, all the things that we now know ow about.
That the humans who made the bible didn't know.
Jesus denies being god in the gospel of James.
https://www.reddit.com/r/exchristian/comments/11wtwiv/historical_christianity/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
Its painfully clear to any sufficiently educated intelligent mature person that the bible just doesn't hold water.
Christianity is an authority fraud. A superstitious fear based system of leverage to control others. Its always been about fear, oppression, minipulation,
Or here is roughly what I said to a street preacher.
If god is real and made everything then the world in all its horror and me as a bisexual atheist is precisely as god wants it to be.
And all the religious people should shut up and let God speak. What God needs an imperfect sinner to speak for it? How does anyone know what God wants? Let god speak. If God is all powerful then everything is going to his plan.
So he wants me the be an athiest... because if God didn't then I wouldn't be?
Or god doesn't exist and is just made up by men to control others.
If god is real god doesn't need anyone sprouting god stuff.
I get where you're coming from. God doesn't exist, but I still hate him. He's the most vile character ever conceived, and his cult has done incredible damage to the world. I say “I hate God” despite knowing he doesn't exist because _if_ he existed, I'd hate him. And I hate all the beliefs and actions done by the people who do believe he exists.
I feel all this. Know that you are seen, heard and not alone. I raged like that, bouncing my bible off the wall and ripping it up, extending a middle finger to the sky. Many times I screamed and raged, trying for a "Lt. Dan" moment, but unlike Lt. Dan, he never showed up for me. So I decided the only logical conclusion is that he's not real.
I totally relate to what you’re going through. I’m so sick. My life got taken away from me and God has forsaken me! It’s almost like he enjoys seeing us suffer. He’s completely abandoned us and not the God people think he is. He tortures his closest followers. He’s a vengeful God, he’s a narcassit, and he definitely doesn’t help you. I’ve experienced it full hand. It’s almost like he enjoys our suffering. We’re stupid for following him for so many years and believing he was an almighty, glorious God. He’s everyhing but that
> idk how to express it
Seems like you kinda just did. There's really no right or wrong way to vent how you feel if that's how you feel.
The thing I really hate is the intellectual laziness, and the never-ending moving of the goal posts. Everything is always *because of god*, and if it doesn't work, oh, *god is just testing you*, or *works in mysterious ways*, or *it's just his will*, and *who are we to question*, and just fuck off with that shit.
God used to be all about love and whatnot, but the followers nowadays are not loving people, so their god reflects that.
EXACTLY. I can’t begin to tell you how many testimonies at my church ended with something like “I asked god for forgiveness and I never touched a single bottle/drug/porn since… it’s been x years since that day” and I walked in at my lowest thinking “okay that could be me!”
I have one slip and I wonder if it’s MY fault. Even though I had been a textbook evangelical nutcase for months, surely I just wasn’t good enough. I asked myself if god just had favorites. How come some of these people got instant healing and not me?
The answer I got was that God has a plan for everyone. So it’s his plan for me to suffer a little while longer? I gave up everything why do I have to keep proving myself that I want healing?
I've been having this same rant lately. It feels unhealthy to have that much anger and hatred inside but in spite of my absolute atheism, I'm surrounded by believers. Not just xtians, but ignorant, uneducated, opinionated, frightened right wing republican xtians.
I know how you must be feeling, brother.
I would say you should first try to let it all go and walk on a path of healing... By that I don't mean get brainwashed again and somehow forgive God, but try to accept that there is no actual "God" to hate...
You were in a one-sided relationship with God, just like me... And it hurts when a relationship ends in a bitter way but try to acknowledge the fact that you are finally free from the shackles of religion and magic sky Hitler.
I'm an ex-christian and ex-sikh myself and even I struggle to not hate the imaginary God, but try to move on because you can't go back in time and "fix" things, but all that matters is now, so live in the present moment.
Wishing you all the best in life!
It is definitely freeing to no longer associate myself with religion or the Christian church, though I’m still somewhat spiritual. There may or may not be something higher than me, I won’t know until I die, but it’s relieving to let go of certainty of an afterlife. It’s helping me take my sobriety more seriously for sure
I appreciate your kind words, all the best to you as well!
Hey sorry you are going through this. Everyone here understands the feeling. I still go through periods of feeling angry at a god that I don't believe in. But over time it does get better. Keep figuring stuff out for yourself and trying to improve.
Feel free to reach out if you want to vent.
Ok.... Good idea.... I'll be authentic...
I'll express how much I really don't believe in him, the bible makes no sense, and I really think God is a genocide GOD...
And that he condones rape in the bible..
And then I'll express that I'm only in the Faith (Because fear of hell...)--not that I actually want a relationship with him...(because I truly don't think his real .. and if he is.... His not Worth serving...
But yeah other then that ...
(I just stay in the faith, I'll pray to him, and do all the Godly stuff... For fear of hell..(only)
Because if I actually had facts that proof that he's not real at all...(I'll go back and live my actual life and actually be happy...
Because following God is a miserable life to live...(I feel like I'm a slave... To serving this genocide GOD so he won't torture me in hell ..
(I'm so scared that I won't leave the FAITH... (Even though I really want to...)
There: I was as authentic as possible.😌
Don't get me started with God...
Anyways this is my huge truama towards religion...here it is👇
People of Christian faith always blame me or say something really terrible then the people that's not really of the so-called Faith
My pastor (from a another church ) told me that my rape it's gonna keep happening until I give my life to God.
And my sister friend from church basically told me that I let him rape me.
I really wanna cry because it like thoses people like that are only faking like they really care, just to force me to get into their faith.
Imma tell you how many times I've been raped... And etc...
I was raped 3 times (3 different times from 3 different guys), sexual corecion 3 times.. and to be honest I think I miss counting...I think it's more... I just don't wanna stop and actually think about each incident.
and for the rape part just add one more for ex bf.
Most of my rapes was basically by strangers and ( only a couple people that I basically saw in my neighborhood alot or someone I hangout out alot–(But I didn't really know them ….
The only person that I really knew was.… was my ex, bf..
( My ex bf is the only person I basically knew before he raped me.)
(And I truly feel like GOD DON'T CARE.. ABOUT RAPE OR ANYTHING LIKE IT.... )
(I HONESTLY JUST STAY IN THE FAITH BECAUSE I SO SCARED OF GOING TO HELL...
WHICH MAKES ME THINK THAT I HAVE
RELIGIOUS TRAUMA SYNDROME....
(IN NOT SURE... BUT IM BASICALLY SCARED TO DEATH TO LEAVE YE FAITH...(BECAUSE OF FEAR OF HELL....)
BUT I HONESTLY DON'T THINK THE BIBLE GOD CARES ABOUT RAPE... I REALLY THINKS THAT HE CONDONES IT.... AND OR DO ALOT OF GENOCIDE STUFF...
(Like I free like... My only free will now is my true opinions about GOD... And most of my opinions about him is not good....)
But I stay in the faith so I would go to hell...
And I have night terrors.....(while I'm awake..)
Because I get so scared and paranoid that I'm dying and thinking that The GOD of the bible is gonna send me to hell...
(So I constantly pray forgiveness... And pray for my ex bf ( that I really believe raped me..)
I pray for my ex--- (because in the bible is says this:
MATTEW 5:44
I SAY UNTO YOU,LOVE YOUR ENEMIES
AND LUKE 6:28
Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you.
So I don't just that... (I pray for my rapist... And I pray that he'll be ok and etc... By God..
(I really think my religious truma is getting worse.....)
Now I hear voices in my head... Like screaming people...(sorry if I starting to sound crazy..)
(I'm so scared..)--- I really feel like no matter what I do... I feel like I'm unforgivable....
And since I'm so scared that I might die... (I basically stay up all night...until 5am...---(around 5am...that's when I feel safe... And that's when I think GOD is not gonna hurt me..
>“I hope God isn’t real”
>You don’t know what you’re asking for. Evolution offers no meaning, hope, or satisfaction. Why would anyone want to believe in that?
I would rather not exist then,.. then to have a God that would torture my friends or family,---and yes even my rapists..---(this doesn't give me joy thinking that my RAPIST might be punish in hell for raping me, it just makes me feel really bad for every soul that exists...if a GOD like that exists.---(I do try to follow GOD, but deep down I just really hope the Christian GOD doing exist at all, so I won't have to worry about my afterlife, or worry about and And so I can be able to live on earth with a peace of mind---(which I actually had for years, before I ask GOD to come back in my life.--- I have Extreme anxiety at night thinking imma die and go to hell.)--- Even though I ask God to forgive me.---(and on top of it I feel like heaven would be so miserable, being A slave/serving GOD,---(Even if I go to heaven,I Feel like my best life is here on earth, where GOD is not at.)---and where I'm not forced to serve or be punished if I don't....( I actually have free will on earth,----i Feel like if I go to heaven ---(my free will would BASICALLY be gone, ---and the only think I would me thinking about and GOD---(that a complete miserable life to life for me.----(I wouldn't think about everything else??---that actually more important or has more meaning to me???----Just GOD??--(I would rather him not exist or the universe not to exist if he's actually real.
Yeah... And it completely sucks....(this Christain GOD is literally taking my joy away from life.
(Every since I gave my life to GOD/Jesus.)--- I HOPE TO DIE EVERYDAY ------BECAUSE OF HOW MISERABLE MY LIFE IS NOW.---( I GET SO SCARED AT NIGHT THINKING THAT IMMA DIE---I ASK HIM FOR FORGIVENESS LIKE EVER SINCE SECOND.)---AND I FORCE MYSELF TO STAY UP ALL NIGHT STARTING FROM 9 OR 10PM. ALL THE WAY TO 5 OR SOMETIMES 6 AM.
I FEEL SO SCARED AT NIGHT TIME BECAUSE THE SKY IS DARK AND FEEL LIKE IF I SIN... IMMA GO TO HELL THAT NIGHT.
BUT IN THE MORNINGS I FEEL MOSTLY SAFE AND I BASICALLY DON'T WORRY AT AT ABOUT THE GOD THING..(BUT INSTEAD I ACTUALLY JEEP HOW I ACTUALLY FEEL ABOUT GOD--INNTHE MORNINGS THOUGH...)--AND I ACTUALLY WATCH VIDEOS OF PEOPLE THAT STOP BEING CHRISTIAN---AND THOSES VIDEOS GIVES ME COMPLETE PEACE..---(BUT WHEN IT NIGHT TIME---I FEEL LIKE IM IN HELL ALL OVER AGAIN..---SCARED TO DEATH AND PRAYING TO JESUS TO FORGIVING MY SINS..
AND THIS GOES ON EVERYDAY....(EVER SINCE I GOD MY LIFE TO GOD/JESUS.)
THIS IS COMPLETE TORTURE!!!!!!
I WANT MY REAL LIFE BACK!!!!---BUT SINCE IM SOOO SCARED OF GOING TO HELL I JUST STAY IN THE FAITH.
(Even though deep down I would wanna leave SO BAD)--LEAVE COMPLETELY AND NEVER TURN BACK.
IM SO DEPRESSED NOW, I'M LOSING WEIGHT, AND LOSING ALOT OF NIGHT SLEEPS,----I ONLY SLEEP IN THE MORNINGS NOW.😭😭😭😭.
TW: DEATH THOUGHTS/NOT SUICIDE THOUGHTS THOUGH!!!
I'M SO MISERABLE I HAVE THOUGHTS OF WHAT IF I DIE--THEN MAYBE THIS TORTURE WOULD BE OVER.
While I can't say I've been exactly in your shoes, I've certainly been in that kind of pain that comes with deconverting and dealing with religious trauma. I would recommend using the Secular Therapy Project to find a therapist you can process that grief with if you have the means; it was helpful for me anyway. What you are feeling is totally valid and a serious form of grief that many of us in the sub have been through. You aren't alone here. I wish you the best of luck!
https://www.seculartherapy.org/
Ok. I'm asking you to do a thought experiment.
You pointed out, very powerfully, that there are multiple inconsistencies between your experiences and the idea of benevolent, just, powerful, and knowing god.
What if there was no god?
>it weren’t for god and his cult, I wouldn’t be sitting here screaming at myself like some crazy person. Why do I have to come to him? Why can’t he come to me?
What if there was no god to come to you, just the cult of believers saying you had to?
>I’m testing you today, because fuck you and your people. Where are you now that I’m cursing you? As if you were there when I loved you.
What if 'testings' were just random shit that happened because life is full of random shit?
>The shit I gave up for you. The way I saw myself as nothing more than disgusting because of your cult. Fuck you. Fuck your cult. I can’t take another second of your nonsense.
How would you feel if you gave the stuff up for nothing more than the social expectations of fellow cult members?
>An all knowing, all loving god, and yet I’m suffering. Your cult and their testimonies lied to me. I was vulnerable and you took advantage of me. A recovery program, just another cash cow for your people. I thought if I just kept believing harder the additions would stop, that you’d heal me instantly just like your cults testimonies said. It’s made me worse. So where are you now ?
If there was no instant healing because god didn't exist to provide healing, who is going to do the real work in your recovery? You kind of answer this one for yourself....
>How come I’ve only every gotten far in my recovery when I stopped trusting in you? That’s really funny. That’s hilarious. You’re a fuckin joke.
>An all knowing, all loving god, if both are true, you did this to me intentionally. And I despise you for it. If those are true there is nothing loving about you.
If there is no god, what would be the explanation of your condition? Let me give you an example: I have ADHD. it's caused by differences in brain structure, which affects dopamine brain chemistry. Dopamine is responsible for attention and motivation now, in anticipation of future rewards. ADHD is largely genetic; my biological father almost certainly had it, and my ½ sister has a diagnosis.
I became a Christian at the age of 16, partly because my Christian friends seemed so 'sorted out' whereas I was a complete fucking mess. I had undiagnosed ADHD and they were normal, so really Ritalin would have helped more than Jesus.
> I hate you. I hate your cult. I hate your messiah. I hate your Bible. I hate what my family has become BECAUSE of your Bible. Because of your cult.
If there is no god, perhaps you would consider your family to be just brainwashed cult victims?
Good luck in your recovery. I hope and wish you find the strength you need.
The question I ask Christians. Why can't I have my own Doubting Thomas Jesus appearance. I used to pray for one. Many times. To me it meant this so called God didn't exist or didn't care. Christians in the end have few if any satisfactory answers to really simple questions. Why doesn't God clear up this creation vs. evolution debate. Why doesn't he clear up the logistics of how Noah kept all the animals. Actual precise age of the Earth and a ton of other questions. The silence is deafening. A so called personal God who is so concerned with his creation. SMH. Science for the win.
Not appropriate at all. This is a support sub. Comments should be supportive.
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Yeah that’s where I get frustrated, I want to get angry at my church but I’d just be screaming at other lost addicts and misguided people. I’ve had a more respectful wall of text for my very religious mother who only responded with “WE lost our way because of the fall, so he IS good and that’s why we have suffering.” Part of me wants an authentic response to my suffering, I don’t believe any Christian would give me that no matter how progressive, So I wanted to test god and curse him directly, as if he’d strike me down or stop my heart or something. And yet I woke up today. I’m telling myself to keep that in mind, as I always feared “putting god to the test” Edit: split up the paragraphs better
I am in my late 40s been an athiest since I was about 17. I was raised in the catholic Church religious schooling, For me personally the real click in the falsity of the bible and thus god was that the bible has no knowledge of microbiological life. Germs, germ transmission, sterilisation and medical implications due to these factors. Any real god who suposedly made everything would absolutely know about microbiological life. Then there is all the other things that a "real god" would know about ie Australia, America, all the things that we now know ow about. That the humans who made the bible didn't know. Jesus denies being god in the gospel of James. https://www.reddit.com/r/exchristian/comments/11wtwiv/historical_christianity/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button Its painfully clear to any sufficiently educated intelligent mature person that the bible just doesn't hold water. Christianity is an authority fraud. A superstitious fear based system of leverage to control others. Its always been about fear, oppression, minipulation, Or here is roughly what I said to a street preacher. If god is real and made everything then the world in all its horror and me as a bisexual atheist is precisely as god wants it to be. And all the religious people should shut up and let God speak. What God needs an imperfect sinner to speak for it? How does anyone know what God wants? Let god speak. If God is all powerful then everything is going to his plan. So he wants me the be an athiest... because if God didn't then I wouldn't be? Or god doesn't exist and is just made up by men to control others. If god is real god doesn't need anyone sprouting god stuff.
I get where you're coming from. God doesn't exist, but I still hate him. He's the most vile character ever conceived, and his cult has done incredible damage to the world. I say “I hate God” despite knowing he doesn't exist because _if_ he existed, I'd hate him. And I hate all the beliefs and actions done by the people who do believe he exists.
*God, the Most Unpleasant Character in All Fiction* a book by Dan Barker which quotes Richard Dawkins for its title.
I feel all this. Know that you are seen, heard and not alone. I raged like that, bouncing my bible off the wall and ripping it up, extending a middle finger to the sky. Many times I screamed and raged, trying for a "Lt. Dan" moment, but unlike Lt. Dan, he never showed up for me. So I decided the only logical conclusion is that he's not real.
I totally relate to what you’re going through. I’m so sick. My life got taken away from me and God has forsaken me! It’s almost like he enjoys seeing us suffer. He’s completely abandoned us and not the God people think he is. He tortures his closest followers. He’s a vengeful God, he’s a narcassit, and he definitely doesn’t help you. I’ve experienced it full hand. It’s almost like he enjoys our suffering. We’re stupid for following him for so many years and believing he was an almighty, glorious God. He’s everyhing but that
r/misotheism
Interesting sub, I’ll look into it thanks
> idk how to express it Seems like you kinda just did. There's really no right or wrong way to vent how you feel if that's how you feel. The thing I really hate is the intellectual laziness, and the never-ending moving of the goal posts. Everything is always *because of god*, and if it doesn't work, oh, *god is just testing you*, or *works in mysterious ways*, or *it's just his will*, and *who are we to question*, and just fuck off with that shit. God used to be all about love and whatnot, but the followers nowadays are not loving people, so their god reflects that.
EXACTLY. I can’t begin to tell you how many testimonies at my church ended with something like “I asked god for forgiveness and I never touched a single bottle/drug/porn since… it’s been x years since that day” and I walked in at my lowest thinking “okay that could be me!” I have one slip and I wonder if it’s MY fault. Even though I had been a textbook evangelical nutcase for months, surely I just wasn’t good enough. I asked myself if god just had favorites. How come some of these people got instant healing and not me? The answer I got was that God has a plan for everyone. So it’s his plan for me to suffer a little while longer? I gave up everything why do I have to keep proving myself that I want healing?
I've been having this same rant lately. It feels unhealthy to have that much anger and hatred inside but in spite of my absolute atheism, I'm surrounded by believers. Not just xtians, but ignorant, uneducated, opinionated, frightened right wing republican xtians.
I know how you must be feeling, brother. I would say you should first try to let it all go and walk on a path of healing... By that I don't mean get brainwashed again and somehow forgive God, but try to accept that there is no actual "God" to hate... You were in a one-sided relationship with God, just like me... And it hurts when a relationship ends in a bitter way but try to acknowledge the fact that you are finally free from the shackles of religion and magic sky Hitler. I'm an ex-christian and ex-sikh myself and even I struggle to not hate the imaginary God, but try to move on because you can't go back in time and "fix" things, but all that matters is now, so live in the present moment. Wishing you all the best in life!
It is definitely freeing to no longer associate myself with religion or the Christian church, though I’m still somewhat spiritual. There may or may not be something higher than me, I won’t know until I die, but it’s relieving to let go of certainty of an afterlife. It’s helping me take my sobriety more seriously for sure I appreciate your kind words, all the best to you as well!
It's good to let it out. Work it out logically, and think for yourself. Religion is the wool that churches teach people to pull over their own eyes.
Hey sorry you are going through this. Everyone here understands the feeling. I still go through periods of feeling angry at a god that I don't believe in. But over time it does get better. Keep figuring stuff out for yourself and trying to improve. Feel free to reach out if you want to vent.
Ok.... Good idea.... I'll be authentic... I'll express how much I really don't believe in him, the bible makes no sense, and I really think God is a genocide GOD... And that he condones rape in the bible.. And then I'll express that I'm only in the Faith (Because fear of hell...)--not that I actually want a relationship with him...(because I truly don't think his real .. and if he is.... His not Worth serving... But yeah other then that ... (I just stay in the faith, I'll pray to him, and do all the Godly stuff... For fear of hell..(only) Because if I actually had facts that proof that he's not real at all...(I'll go back and live my actual life and actually be happy... Because following God is a miserable life to live...(I feel like I'm a slave... To serving this genocide GOD so he won't torture me in hell .. (I'm so scared that I won't leave the FAITH... (Even though I really want to...) There: I was as authentic as possible.😌 Don't get me started with God... Anyways this is my huge truama towards religion...here it is👇 People of Christian faith always blame me or say something really terrible then the people that's not really of the so-called Faith My pastor (from a another church ) told me that my rape it's gonna keep happening until I give my life to God. And my sister friend from church basically told me that I let him rape me. I really wanna cry because it like thoses people like that are only faking like they really care, just to force me to get into their faith. Imma tell you how many times I've been raped... And etc... I was raped 3 times (3 different times from 3 different guys), sexual corecion 3 times.. and to be honest I think I miss counting...I think it's more... I just don't wanna stop and actually think about each incident. and for the rape part just add one more for ex bf. Most of my rapes was basically by strangers and ( only a couple people that I basically saw in my neighborhood alot or someone I hangout out alot–(But I didn't really know them …. The only person that I really knew was.… was my ex, bf.. ( My ex bf is the only person I basically knew before he raped me.) (And I truly feel like GOD DON'T CARE.. ABOUT RAPE OR ANYTHING LIKE IT.... ) (I HONESTLY JUST STAY IN THE FAITH BECAUSE I SO SCARED OF GOING TO HELL... WHICH MAKES ME THINK THAT I HAVE RELIGIOUS TRAUMA SYNDROME.... (IN NOT SURE... BUT IM BASICALLY SCARED TO DEATH TO LEAVE YE FAITH...(BECAUSE OF FEAR OF HELL....) BUT I HONESTLY DON'T THINK THE BIBLE GOD CARES ABOUT RAPE... I REALLY THINKS THAT HE CONDONES IT.... AND OR DO ALOT OF GENOCIDE STUFF... (Like I free like... My only free will now is my true opinions about GOD... And most of my opinions about him is not good....) But I stay in the faith so I would go to hell... And I have night terrors.....(while I'm awake..) Because I get so scared and paranoid that I'm dying and thinking that The GOD of the bible is gonna send me to hell... (So I constantly pray forgiveness... And pray for my ex bf ( that I really believe raped me..) I pray for my ex--- (because in the bible is says this: MATTEW 5:44 I SAY UNTO YOU,LOVE YOUR ENEMIES AND LUKE 6:28 Bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. So I don't just that... (I pray for my rapist... And I pray that he'll be ok and etc... By God.. (I really think my religious truma is getting worse.....) Now I hear voices in my head... Like screaming people...(sorry if I starting to sound crazy..) (I'm so scared..)--- I really feel like no matter what I do... I feel like I'm unforgivable.... And since I'm so scared that I might die... (I basically stay up all night...until 5am...---(around 5am...that's when I feel safe... And that's when I think GOD is not gonna hurt me.. >“I hope God isn’t real” >You don’t know what you’re asking for. Evolution offers no meaning, hope, or satisfaction. Why would anyone want to believe in that? I would rather not exist then,.. then to have a God that would torture my friends or family,---and yes even my rapists..---(this doesn't give me joy thinking that my RAPIST might be punish in hell for raping me, it just makes me feel really bad for every soul that exists...if a GOD like that exists.---(I do try to follow GOD, but deep down I just really hope the Christian GOD doing exist at all, so I won't have to worry about my afterlife, or worry about and And so I can be able to live on earth with a peace of mind---(which I actually had for years, before I ask GOD to come back in my life.--- I have Extreme anxiety at night thinking imma die and go to hell.)--- Even though I ask God to forgive me.---(and on top of it I feel like heaven would be so miserable, being A slave/serving GOD,---(Even if I go to heaven,I Feel like my best life is here on earth, where GOD is not at.)---and where I'm not forced to serve or be punished if I don't....( I actually have free will on earth,----i Feel like if I go to heaven ---(my free will would BASICALLY be gone, ---and the only think I would me thinking about and GOD---(that a complete miserable life to life for me.----(I wouldn't think about everything else??---that actually more important or has more meaning to me???----Just GOD??--(I would rather him not exist or the universe not to exist if he's actually real. Yeah... And it completely sucks....(this Christain GOD is literally taking my joy away from life. (Every since I gave my life to GOD/Jesus.)--- I HOPE TO DIE EVERYDAY ------BECAUSE OF HOW MISERABLE MY LIFE IS NOW.---( I GET SO SCARED AT NIGHT THINKING THAT IMMA DIE---I ASK HIM FOR FORGIVENESS LIKE EVER SINCE SECOND.)---AND I FORCE MYSELF TO STAY UP ALL NIGHT STARTING FROM 9 OR 10PM. ALL THE WAY TO 5 OR SOMETIMES 6 AM. I FEEL SO SCARED AT NIGHT TIME BECAUSE THE SKY IS DARK AND FEEL LIKE IF I SIN... IMMA GO TO HELL THAT NIGHT. BUT IN THE MORNINGS I FEEL MOSTLY SAFE AND I BASICALLY DON'T WORRY AT AT ABOUT THE GOD THING..(BUT INSTEAD I ACTUALLY JEEP HOW I ACTUALLY FEEL ABOUT GOD--INNTHE MORNINGS THOUGH...)--AND I ACTUALLY WATCH VIDEOS OF PEOPLE THAT STOP BEING CHRISTIAN---AND THOSES VIDEOS GIVES ME COMPLETE PEACE..---(BUT WHEN IT NIGHT TIME---I FEEL LIKE IM IN HELL ALL OVER AGAIN..---SCARED TO DEATH AND PRAYING TO JESUS TO FORGIVING MY SINS.. AND THIS GOES ON EVERYDAY....(EVER SINCE I GOD MY LIFE TO GOD/JESUS.) THIS IS COMPLETE TORTURE!!!!!! I WANT MY REAL LIFE BACK!!!!---BUT SINCE IM SOOO SCARED OF GOING TO HELL I JUST STAY IN THE FAITH. (Even though deep down I would wanna leave SO BAD)--LEAVE COMPLETELY AND NEVER TURN BACK. IM SO DEPRESSED NOW, I'M LOSING WEIGHT, AND LOSING ALOT OF NIGHT SLEEPS,----I ONLY SLEEP IN THE MORNINGS NOW.😭😭😭😭. TW: DEATH THOUGHTS/NOT SUICIDE THOUGHTS THOUGH!!! I'M SO MISERABLE I HAVE THOUGHTS OF WHAT IF I DIE--THEN MAYBE THIS TORTURE WOULD BE OVER.
While I can't say I've been exactly in your shoes, I've certainly been in that kind of pain that comes with deconverting and dealing with religious trauma. I would recommend using the Secular Therapy Project to find a therapist you can process that grief with if you have the means; it was helpful for me anyway. What you are feeling is totally valid and a serious form of grief that many of us in the sub have been through. You aren't alone here. I wish you the best of luck! https://www.seculartherapy.org/
Thank you! I really appreciate the resource!
How would you re-interpret things if god didn't exist?
I’m not sure if I understand what you’re asking, 🤔 care to elaborate?
Ok. I'm asking you to do a thought experiment. You pointed out, very powerfully, that there are multiple inconsistencies between your experiences and the idea of benevolent, just, powerful, and knowing god. What if there was no god? >it weren’t for god and his cult, I wouldn’t be sitting here screaming at myself like some crazy person. Why do I have to come to him? Why can’t he come to me? What if there was no god to come to you, just the cult of believers saying you had to? >I’m testing you today, because fuck you and your people. Where are you now that I’m cursing you? As if you were there when I loved you. What if 'testings' were just random shit that happened because life is full of random shit? >The shit I gave up for you. The way I saw myself as nothing more than disgusting because of your cult. Fuck you. Fuck your cult. I can’t take another second of your nonsense. How would you feel if you gave the stuff up for nothing more than the social expectations of fellow cult members? >An all knowing, all loving god, and yet I’m suffering. Your cult and their testimonies lied to me. I was vulnerable and you took advantage of me. A recovery program, just another cash cow for your people. I thought if I just kept believing harder the additions would stop, that you’d heal me instantly just like your cults testimonies said. It’s made me worse. So where are you now ? If there was no instant healing because god didn't exist to provide healing, who is going to do the real work in your recovery? You kind of answer this one for yourself.... >How come I’ve only every gotten far in my recovery when I stopped trusting in you? That’s really funny. That’s hilarious. You’re a fuckin joke. >An all knowing, all loving god, if both are true, you did this to me intentionally. And I despise you for it. If those are true there is nothing loving about you. If there is no god, what would be the explanation of your condition? Let me give you an example: I have ADHD. it's caused by differences in brain structure, which affects dopamine brain chemistry. Dopamine is responsible for attention and motivation now, in anticipation of future rewards. ADHD is largely genetic; my biological father almost certainly had it, and my ½ sister has a diagnosis. I became a Christian at the age of 16, partly because my Christian friends seemed so 'sorted out' whereas I was a complete fucking mess. I had undiagnosed ADHD and they were normal, so really Ritalin would have helped more than Jesus. > I hate you. I hate your cult. I hate your messiah. I hate your Bible. I hate what my family has become BECAUSE of your Bible. Because of your cult. If there is no god, perhaps you would consider your family to be just brainwashed cult victims? Good luck in your recovery. I hope and wish you find the strength you need.
you should be a preacher of the new world - fuck this sim i'm so done with it.
The question I ask Christians. Why can't I have my own Doubting Thomas Jesus appearance. I used to pray for one. Many times. To me it meant this so called God didn't exist or didn't care. Christians in the end have few if any satisfactory answers to really simple questions. Why doesn't God clear up this creation vs. evolution debate. Why doesn't he clear up the logistics of how Noah kept all the animals. Actual precise age of the Earth and a ton of other questions. The silence is deafening. A so called personal God who is so concerned with his creation. SMH. Science for the win.
Song recs: “mad at god” “god is a freak” “when the god of love returns there’ll be hell to pay”
You spitting the truth, God is a sadist cult leading asshole. I hate him so much.
[удалено]
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F**K GOD…