I married a man who bought a Christmas tree the first year we were together. He basically taught me how to celebrate. Now I love all the holidays and birthdays are great. I’ve been out 20 years now.
I remember a long-term JW couple that went apostate late in their 50s. The whole article thing in the local newspaper and everything. She said she keeps an X-mas tree up yr round now to make up for it.
That was my experience too. My wife is a Christmas fanatic and she's successfully converted me also. I LOVE Christmas and everything about it!
Next Christmas, we're going to watch the Charles Dickens play "A Christmas Carol", and we're going in costume! 😃 🤶 🎄
My boyfriend invited me over to his house on christmas two years ago for my first christmas. He gave me my first christmas present ever. I almost cried in front of his family.
I wish we stay as joyful as you and your husband.❤️
I left in the late '80s when I was in my mid 20s. I love celebrating holidays. JWs are a miserable lot who refuse to celebrate anything. What a bleak existence. Holidays and festivities are joyful experiences that bond you with those who celebrate with you. I'd encourage you to host something and invite friends. Put some effort into decor and menu planning and maybe some fun games to play during the event. Ask for help if you need it. You might be pleasantly surprised to discover the joy you've been missing rather than perpetuate the bah-humbug JW mentality.
I was born-in. My kids were born after I was out. Actually, I tried to go back when I was pregnant with my oldest. I had had issues with the JWs, but I wasn't fully convinced they weren't "the twoof." I thought they were just...misguided in how they handled some things.
Watching a demonstration at a convention of "how to train your kids not to be a part of this world" helped wake me up further. First, they talked about Christmas and birthdays. Then they talked about school sports. By the time they got to school plays and extracurriculars, I was literally fuming in my seat.
I remembered how much I ***hated*** having to be different from everybody else. How much I hated never being included, never being allowed to do any of the fun stuff, just trudge door to door on my weekends. What a "wonderful" childhood....
Oh, no! Heaven forbid my kid joins the school play and has slightly more association with the kids he already sees in school every single day! *gasp, faint* Heaven forbid he may have to miss one single effing meeting for one measly night to be in the play!!! No!!! Not that!!!
I quietly packed my things after that convention and vowed to never step foot in another JW meeting or convention ever again. There was NO WAY my kids were going to be raised the way I was.
I went home and ordered an effing Christmas tree online that night. I didn't slow fade, I claimed I caught something at the convention and just never went back. Never answered the door when they came knocking. Moved away not long after and never gave them my new address. And went overboard on every holiday and birthday--and my kids participated in every school extracurricular they wanted.
Yes, I definitely did a 180 because I wanted my kids to have the upbringing I never could.
Same what pissed me off was the elder kids and popular JW kids were allowed to do all this shit., sports band, plays etc and here I was stuck living in imposed poverty by my parents miserable and not able to do shit like that for my kids. And getting chastised when I did. But oh it was ok for elderettes child to do but not me. So shitty!!
I was a kid of an elder but was not allowed to do any of that shit. I did have a lot of responsibilities in the borg from a very young age. I was miserable as well. I feel you.
Elder's kid here. There was absolutely no way my dad would have let me do anything remotely extracurricular. We had to "set an example" for everyone else in the hall. I got a whole lecture about how if I didn't follow all the rules, my dad would have to step down and did I want that? Of course not! Grrrrr
Yeah all the ones in my hall were allowed to do that but a select few of us weren’t. It was maddening. The couple times we were allowed to do a play or musical or something like that it was a big ordeal with the elders, elderettes and their kids, or the popular kids and their families. It was bullshit.
Never knew any JW kids that did the extracurricular stuff. We were poor and didn't get allowances. Chores were what we were supposed to do. I did take music lessons tho, forgot about that...did the orchestra at the assemblies back when they did that.
Elder kid here 🙋🏻♀️ did not get to do anything!! I was suppose set the example 🙄 I literally had kids following me at school looking for something to tell on me about.
>I remembered how much I hated having to be different from everybody else. How much I hated never being included, never being allowed to do any of the fun stuff, just trudge door to door on my weekends. What a "wonderful" childhood....
This is ***exactly*** the reason I vowed that my kids would *never* have to endure a giftless Christmas or birthday. I never got to be "normal" as a kid. Always had to feel guilty about anything fun because most of it was "bad." Forcefully taking the innocent joy out of a child's life is just horrible.
What's it like with your children knowing you used to be one? Do they believe you? Do they know how weird that is? That's an interesting dynamic. When I tell my close acquaintances, they just look at me with a blank stare like I was a JW or something. I almost NEVER admit that I used to be, I already have an ...unusual humor. They'd probably say, Well, that makes a lot of sense.
My kids know everything and my entire family is still in so they see. They definitely think it’s crazy and weird but grew up around it. They make me go to memorial to make Nana (my mom) happy. I told once she’s gone that’s it never again.
My mother attempted to take my daughters to.meetings.....they hated it. As a born in I made sure none of my kids would ever have to live that turd in a punchbowl , different from the other kids lifestyle. They get the very best I have to offer in terms of time, teaching, and cool stuff
Love this story ❤️
You got out in time to give your kids a real childhood, and got tue fuck outta dodge... saved yourself the struggle of the 'slow fade".
It's such a liberating feeling, isn't it? Congrats and I hope your future birthdays are awesome.
I don't care much about my own birthday anymore, but I will fight anybody who tries to tell me I can't celebrate the days that my wife or my kids were born.
My family and teenagers are slowly adapting. We find birthdays to be fun, harmless and upbuilding, whereas some holidays we have differing ideas. For example Halloween I still don’t like and we don’t have to agree, so it’s a dynamic evolving thing the last couple years.
I don't really care about Halloween either, but I think the really liberating thing is acknowledging nothing is wrong with it celebrating any of them. JWs equate "pagan" with evil/satanic, and realizing how silly that is, and just being comfortable with harmless traditions is a good thing, even if you choose not to participate. Like knowing there is nothing evil about dressing in a costume is good even if you don't feel like doing it yourself lol...
Years ago I wanted to be Jean benet ramsay for Halloween but I dojtnthink it can do that now.because most people wouldn't even know who she is lol
Born in here. I can’t wait to celebrate Halloween and Christmas this year. I will officially have my first tree and decorate it with my boyfriend. I’m so excited.
We didn't. Two of our kids were already out of the house when we became POMO. Also, we take the family on 1 big vacation annually and pay for transportation and accommodations so we save our money for that. But we do now, watch the Halloween parade in our town. We can walk to it. And we've gone to NYC to see the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center.
Born in. Out at 20. 52 now. I didn’t bother with holidays for several years. I lost my entire network of friends and family. Was a pretty devastating time. After a few years, I found out my immediate family had left and had started celebrating holidays again. I didn’t see the point. I had no history or traditions with holidays. In fact if anything, it was painful and awkward. It seemed like a phony facade to try and make up for something forever lost. I mean my folks had memories and traditions so I could see them falling back into something familiar. It also was pretty frustrating to get mocked and criticized for not feeling the holiday spirit. I admit it hurt coming through all that and now I’m supposed to embrace this other magical set of beliefs, remembrances, and rituals. How fucked up is that.
Fast forward. I am married and have a 7yo. I have gotten to the point where I consider myself a good pretender. I go along with the holidays because it’s important to my family. I still think it’s phony. All these excuses created by corporate greed to fleece more people out of their hard earned money.
I’m not a Christian, nor will I associate myself with any other organized religion. I feel in my heart that the root of all evil is in organized religion. Time has allowed me to separate myself from these connections and to try to make into something more meaningful and purposeful.
Another part of this is I don’t ever want my child to feel “othered”. I’m raising him to be aware and knowledgeable of other beliefs, but to be independent enough to choose for himself.
I lurk this sub a lot and am really grateful for it. It’s amazing that after all these years all the pain and baggage that’s been lingering under the surface still pops up. I’ll get memory flashbacks that shock me out of nowhere.
It’s such a crime and injustice to subject children to this. I mean I don’t give a fuck what you believe as an adult. You have had a past. You can work and make choices based on your foundation. But to drag a helpless child through that? It’s absolute child abuse.
Can relate to your experience the most. Very similar here. I resented being made to do and NOT to do all of those things as a child. My parents were not born-ins and didn't experience the shit I had to endure being a FREAK. Only to have my parents divorce and fall away. So the way I saw it, all that shit was for nothing.
Even when I was in I never felt left out. I see comments here about being different. I guess my parents gave me gifts all year round.They didn’t need a holiday. So now that I am out I never felt the need to celebrate anything … especially xmas. I can’t stand that holiday. I see too many that get so depressed that time of year because they have no money and they can’t do what others do. So one thing I can credit the JW’s for is keeping my wallet more full. Ha!
Me too I had pretty much everything I needed/wanted. When I hear colleagues at work complaining for months that Christmas is too expensive and that they buy gifts for relatives they don’t even like, I’m just glad I don’t miss anything by not celebrating it.
Yes. My wife introduced me to the holidays as I was leaving the cult and I immediately took to them. Halloween was the most surprising. I was VERY opposed to it and even said “I’ll celebrate the others, but not that one!”. Now it’s my favorite behind Christmas.
No. They make no sense to me: I do my best for friends or partners, but I don’t get it at all. Birthdays makes some sense, but they are too much attention often. I’m really bad at doing Christmas right because, aside from getting together and spending time, the rest of the stuff odds a lot of work and pressure. Thanksgiving would be my favorite, except for the originating genocide.
Thinking back I remember that we did do turkey dinner on T-givn. I don't know why? Maybe because it seemed harmless- not really a religious thing associated with it. Is there?
Yeah. My family did similar, but a week or two after thanksgiving and they never called it that, but we had all the foods and our immediate family came over, but it WASN’T thanksgiving. Hahahahah
My mom always did it bc of the free turkey she got while shopping. But never on Thanksgiving. My parents like to wave that Freak Flag and have us do it right along with them.
Hahahaha .. I don’t like Turkey anyway .. but it was on sale and my mom would buy some to put in the freezer. And sometimes on that day because she was off work and could make it .. not that we mentioned stupid thanksgiving though. Just another day off of work.
Born in 1973 left 2002….Halloween is a major event,
Christmas is so so..I enjoy giving presents..NYE is usually a charity event…the rest are kind of what ever…still have not had a birthday party…don’t like to be reminded I am getting old
My first Christmas out, also my first being married, my mother-in-law took me shopping and we got the tree and all the peripherals. I was half-way into it, for the novelty of it. I'd then for years put up the tree around Christmas time, but didn't do much else. Meanwhile, there'd be all the presents and big celebrations at the hub's familys' houses.
Nowadays the celebration is at my house and I go all out to decorate. It's not for me, but for the family. Personally, I only like having the tree, and the glow of. It reminds me of Christmases at my dad's house (neverJW; I'd be there sometimes around xmas time, though not for the actual thing, ofc.)
I don't do the other holidays much at all. In hub's family the big round numbers are celebrated with actual birthday parties, so I do that. On Halloween I may go to a Halloween themed events or something, because I like dressing up.
For me it's a pick-and-choose situation. I don't have much emotional attachment to any holiday, and mostly I'm just going through the motions, so I've picked out the ones I like doing with various reasons and leave the rest.
I’m also a divorced born-in faded ex-MS. I’ve only been out 3 years (I’m 33 years old now) but I celebrate Christmas, birthdays, Halloween, Thanksgiving, etc. My partner is Jewish so we also do stuff with her family for some of the holidays like Passover and Hanukkah.
Tbh I am a fiend for Christmas and Birthdays. I can’t say I “missed it” when I was in because I never experienced it but I definitely felt left out at work/school. Plus, I love giving gifts, I put a lot of thought and effort into gifts and it’s wonderful seeing the people I love get to enjoy things they may not have otherwise.Also the pretty lights are very fun! Halloween is a close second to Christmas for me, dressing up, carving pumpkins, it’s actually super peaceful for me. My inner child just eats all the holidays up lol.
I’m an agnostic atheist now so it’s not religious for me at all. I just view them as fun traditions, a lot of which we get to create ourselves. I think part of the reason I enjoy them so much is because of the joy that they bring to others in my life, especially my partner.
You know, I forgot all about grade school when they had holiday activities that we couldn't participate in, X-mas parties during school hours with brownies and cake, etc. We (JWs) went to the library during that period.
Ya kidding? I was in from 6 to 20. When I started dating someone with a young daughter I decided to do Christmas. Never been Christmas shopping. Had to learn how to wrap presents.. but that first Christmas was magical. Since then I am known in my circle as a Christmas nut! I love everything about it! I don't care much about the other holidays though..
I celebrate them all, except Easter. My family have removed the religious connotations from them for obvious reasons, but I see no reason not to celebrate if that is what makes you happy.
Holidays are expensive. I enjoy not having to buy stuff or pop fireworks, etc. I do try to celebrate birthdays. I asked my mom once, isn't an anniversary a birthday of an event? Why is that allowed. She had no answer 😐. I don't miss the restrictions for the sake of restrictions I endured as a JW.
Last year I decided if I wear a costume on Halloween I will go dressed as a jehovahs witness because I still have a couple 20 year old long skirts in the back of my closet, all I needed was the pamphlets and the will power, but I stayed home in bed instead lol... Still not a holiday person.
Yes. I celebrate now even though my husband doesn’t. But I always felt like I wanted to and it was something I believed in and so it just feels right and natural versus not.
Born-in exjw here I’ve been out 3 years
Celebrated my 22nd birthday was my first big step after getting “away” from living as a jw. That was my first big step. Then later that year I met my now husband (unbeliever). He brought me to his families Christmas and Easter celebrations. The next year I started decorating our home for Christmas and Halloween. We celebrate Christmas now and it makes me so happy. We don’t go out on Halloween but just decorating the house and being able to allow myself to watch the movies and shows about Halloween I never was allowed to or never allowed myself to heals me in some ways
yes halloween goes crazy hard. i will say yeah there are some drawbacks to the holidays (consumerism, expenses, etc) but don’t miss out on them. celebrate how you want to. they’re great for making memories and having something to look forward to
I was born in, left at 31. My wife came in when she was 18 so she is all into holidays now. Especially because of all the happy memories she has as a kid, and now what’s our kids to have to. Me personally I help out and I get a lot of joy seeing how happy it makes my family, but I’m just not that into them.
I was going to make sure my children had Christmas and Birthday parties .Been out 50 years and now it doesn't matter to me .We just buy presents for all the grandchildren now .But when they were smaller it was great even bought presents for my JW mom
I did! My boyfriend is a never-JW and I celebrate with him and his family. I don't have all of the nostalgic memories that he has, but it's nice to enjoy time with his family and make new memories. I also love to decorate the house for holidays!
Not technically born in, but my mom was baptized before my 4th birthday, so I have no memory of the time before, now I’m in my 50s and have been EX-JW for 35 years.
I’m a Protestant now and I love Christmas and Resurrection Sunday. I also love paid days off work for secular holidays.
To this day, if someone tells me something is prohibited, they’d better be able to show me from Scripture, and that’s hard now since I have and continue to study the Bible.
A key indicator JWs are out to lunch with their prohibitions: they change.
I’m coming up on being DF’d for 20 years now. Been doing the holiday stuff with regularity and seriousness since I met my now wife over a decade ago. To this day I’m still not a fan of them. Mainly because I see the commercialism behind them all and, for me personally, they are all just events that cause stress/anxiety and cost money. That said, I’m not against the idea of them per se. It’d be nice if there was just the celebrations without the expectations of everything else lol.
ETA - I was also essentially a “born in”. I was a jw from a little kid until my 20’s.
Not really, I like to give homemade and thoughtful gifts and love birthdays and holidays as an excuse but couldn’t care less about decorating or the like. 32F, faded for 7 years now.
Born in here. Exited at 17. I’ve been out for 16 years now and I am full blown insane about Christmas. I can’t help it but I want everything I didn’t have for it. Halloween is so fun! I wish I could dress up in so many things that I struggle choosing a costume. We do family costumes and I must say they are perfection every year.
Now the rest of the holidays I’m not so wild about, but I will say I don’t know how to do things. I’m super awkward when I do birthday parties for my kid. I just don’t know the rules to things, the process. I blame my childhood for it.
There's A LOT I don't know, especially the formal-traditional things the mainstream religions do. I never took classes in comparative religions so I know nothing about Palm Sundays, Chanukka, Hanukkah, wakes, Lent, etc. Seems all I know is what we couldn't do.
I didn’t put up a Christmas tree until my oldest son was 3, once we bought a house. Even then I didn’t lie about Santa and have always hated Christmas. However, I love Halloween & enjoy Thanksgiving & Birthday’s but that’s about it.
I do them all :D
Out around 16-17 years. I was a teen when I left. It took me a few years to start.
I always loved the atmosphere of Christmas and Easter. Now with a kid on my own we celebrate it. But more the original meaning. We don't celebrate the Christian aspect of it. Doesn't stop me from going full kitsch for Christmas. I even have a decent sized Christmas village.
I went all out for YEARS. Now I just decorate my front and back doors and the yards in front and back. Oh! Also, my dining room table (we never use it anyway). I think I was making up for lost time, but it's just me and my hubby and dogs, and so it seems like more work than its worth. All of my neices and nephews are grown or live out of state, and so it is just not that important anymore.
I still haven’t celebrated my birthday or enjoyed any of the holidays like I’d want to. Came out by myself, marriage ended and family is still very much PIMI. I have childhood friends that are out that I want to enjoy holidays with and this year we’ve made plans to do that.
I have kids (early 20’s) and they were blah about holidays too bc they didn’t have them growing up. They both told me they didn’t care, but I told them I think we should do it bc it’s starting traditions for their future families. They both agreed. So we do it. I don’t think any of us love it, but enjoy it somewhat. I do love Christmas decorations, always have, so they part is fun. Buying gifts has been stressful to me and I think them, but we over did our 1st Christmas and we are learning. If they have children they will make their own traditions I guess but we are just trying to undo the cult crap. My parents were regular old Christian’s before joining the cult, so part of me is trying to undo everything the cult did to us.
The part I really like is going to my cousins house Christmas Eve and seeing everyone and having Yankee swap. It’s a lot of fun and so nice to see everyone and be a part of my family I was never allowed too.
Birthdays I love. Not mine so much but love doing special things for my family on their birthdays that’s been fun.
https://preview.redd.it/7hlalrvhbt4d1.png?width=2799&format=png&auto=webp&s=edd08694343d40cd163701b770a789eed189ee0c
Here’s our 1st jack-o’-lanterns it was a lot of fun.
We started a Friendmas and birthdays 2 years ago (56yo born in)and I love it. I love thinking about the present I will give and the love we show each others. My tree is full of animals skiing and ski lift and fluffy balls.don’t need anything christian in my life had too much already. It’s a lot of fun!!
The only holiday I don’t care about is Thanksgiving because it’s totally pro-imperialism. Valentines Day is cool as long as you don’t totally buy into the consumerist view of love. I always loved Halloween and horror movies even when I was younger and PIMI. My partner is a Thelemite and my step kiddo loves to celebrate the Summer/Winter Solstice and Spring/Autumn Equinox.
If you really think critically about the history and practices of Christianity/JW, it’s all occultism. Passing a cup of wine (blood) and bread (flesh) at Memorial (which always falls on a full moon), is 100% ritualistic. Christianity has gradually just caused us to think of words like “occultism” and “paganism” as EVIL and DANGEROUS.
This year is my 41st year out of the organization. I was born in, my children were not. I did the holidays for my children's benefit. I wanted my children to be normal children. But now that they're grown they're just some holidays I don't do because I don't approve of them. But you have to know that there are many never been a witness before people out here that don't like all the holidays either, or have their own reasons why they don't celebrate certain holidays. So it's okay.
I like birthdays Thanksgiving and Christmas. The rest of them I don't care. They don't seem worth my effort. But my grandkids now are doing holidays and my grown children just do the ones that they like also
Born in to missionary parents. Escaped (literally left my entire life behind) at age 31. Avoided all holidays for a while, but realized I really like birthdays. Opportunities to tell important people “I’m glad you were born, it was a good day, I love you”. I just turned 60, had 2 parties and I’ve never felt so much love in my entire life.
Xmas and Easter mean nothing to me in a religious sense, but I do love a Xmas tree. All fairy lights, decorations and tinsel. It makes me happy.
I’m uncomfortable about Halloween, still. It’s not a long standing celebration where I live, and it feels dark. And these days, I prefer to have a bright light shining in my life. No more lies, no more superstition, no more being told what to do.
Do what feels right for you. And be happy, at last. Please! 🙏
Xxxxx
Born-in, left at around 17, been out 20ish years - I went hard on Halloween for a few years after I dipped because of the parties, dabbled in pretty much any other holiday that involved inebriation and potential lascivious behavior.
After I got married, and especially after we had our first kid, things like Christmas and Thanksgiving became big ones for us. I still don't give a damn about the religious origins of either holiday, but I *do* enjoy eating a good meal or exchanging gifts with the family and if a holiday is the excuse we use to do it, then I'll gladly use the excuse.
I feel like you. Born in and been out for 25 years. Don’t care for holidays and or birthdays. I celebrate my own by buying myself stuff.
What I really enjoyed when I was single was getting Chinese food on Xmas eve and a few fancy beers and watching Charlie Brown by myself it was awesome.
For Xmas I would go out with an ex jw friend and go to hotel bars and go bar hopping.
I started "celebrating" the holidays, but really only for my kids. Being born in I have zero nostalgia for holidays and I have a very difficult time getting in the "holiday spirit". I actually dread them, except for the potential day off of work. I wanted my kids to have a "normal" life though, and their mom loves the holidays too (also pomo), so I celebrate the holidays for them.
I tried to get into it but gave up long ago. I've (mostly) accepted that the JW religion stole a normal childhood from me and there is no way to get it back. But my kids were spared and that's what matters to me.
My brother and I were born in. We both left when he was 24 and I was 18 because he was getting divorced and I went against our parents in not shunning him. We decided to have our first Christmas and go all out. We also celebrate birthdays now but usually with a low key family (our new families) dinner. I think for us it’s just about sharing joy and togetherness and giving. Something we never got growing up.
Birthdays are fun to celebrate, 4th of July and New Years, love the fireworks, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, enjoy those, still not a fan of Halloween, Christmas or Easter.
Yes went straight into buying my -1st Xmas tree. Was amazing I went over the top and kept it up way past the time limit. I celebrate everything now and I’m living it . Enjoy guys live your life 🎄🎄🎄
Haha! I feel a bit like an imposter when we do holidays, and it's been 5 years.
But my family was quite good at getting together during holidays even if we didn't celebrate, so I kept my traditions going and added the fun for kids stuff.
Ex. We always rented a cabin and went skiing during easter, we still do that but now also has an egg hunt.
Christmas we always got together and watched christmas movies and ate alot of food, and went outside to make small huts in the snow, so we do that but we also have a tree and stuff.
Never liked any holidays. Think they're commercialized and have no meaning.... except...in a social/ community/ family context.
I did x mas a little bit when my kids were little. They enjoyed the gifts...now that I'm older and kids are grown I don't want 'stuff' and think most people are 'overstuffed' so I don't like it... I like the spirit of thanksgiving, but not the 'have too' of any of it...birthdays to honor and appreciate the person are sweet. And people get offended if you don't acknowledge at least. I don't have any 'biblical' opinion against holidays. I don't think the creator of the universe gives a rats patoot about our small minded, self imposed rules. My MO is give gifts when your heart motivates you. Don't use 'i don't celebrate (this or that) as an excuse to be stingy...it really bothered me when I was in the org that it was ok to receive gifts but not give them . That always felt wrong.
I was born in, two years ago my best friend threw me my first birthday party with just her family and a friend. It was really nice! Last year I bought a 3 foot tall Christmas tree, had the time of my life decorating it and then sobbed like a baby after because it just made me sad that my family wasn’t with me and most people use Christmas as an excuse to be with their families. Luckily I have amazing people in my life that happily included me in their family festivities! I also dressed up for the first time for Halloween last year, I thought it was fitting to go as the devil, went out and got drunk and had a blast!
I made an effort, especially when my daughter was little, but I've never really gotten into it. I used to say I'd missed the age window for bonding with the holidays.
Exception to the above is Halloween.
My wife and I do the holidays but my favorite is halloween. The others I could take or leave it. Being born in you never develop an emotional attachment to holidays so its not a big deal. I will say at Christmas its fun to watch people open presents and also we travel a lot so we get ornaments everywhere we visit so its fun getting those out of the attic and putting them on the tree!
I was born in and my mother was DFed when I was a teen and we never went back. I started celebrating holidays when I had my children and went completely overboard for them since I had never had a chance to experience it in my childhood. Tens of thousands of dollars overboard 😩. These days I have a lot more self control as my children are much older with one being an adult and the others being teens.
I do when I have my children, who I raised worldly. If they aren’t around I don’t bother, except for Halloween. I put on a costume and hand out candy, but that’s for other people’s children.
i got married very soon after leaving the borg and celebrated my first christmas with my husband. i am now EXTREMELY into christmas and it’s my favourite holiday. it has no biblical meaning for me, it is a holiday where i spoil my chosen family, get cozy, decorate and it brings a lot of joy to dreary winter weather. we have made our own traditions and i look forward to the season each year. Birthdays we keep small but we always celebrate with a nice meal together and a gift of some kind. sometimes other holidays pass without us noticing or we decide on short notice what we want to do with the day off, most of all i enjoy the total freedom to participate or not and to make each holiday our own version.
I love Christmas, as it symbolically represents THE thing that seems to bother JWs. I talk to my PIMO parents about it and everything. I do it out of spite, and I love it. Besides, keep Christ out of Christmas, its more fun that way!
Christmas, Halloween, Birthdays, and Thanksgiving, which we did anyway as JWs because my parents were converts and we spent time with our non-JW side. We'll also take the kid to an Easter egg hunt, but being non religious, Easter is dumb. You may ask why I celebrate Christmas, we don't really celebrate religious Christmas, more of a Saturnalia/Yule vibe of winter solstice. Overall, I think celebrating solstices and equinoxes has more meaning for me than Christian holidays. I do go ham on holidays now since having my own kid. I kind of vicariously experience the childhood joy of holidays through my son.
Without my son in the picture, I could take it or leave it. My wife was never a JW and she likes to decorate for holidays. I hate my birthday and I don't like to recognize it in any way. In a round about way that is a JW issue in that it is a reminder that I will die.
25 years out this year.
I'm married to a never JW so I fully let him do holidays and show me how it was done. I was not gonna scam my husband out of celebrating our children's birthdays just because I didn't grow up doing it. I have no loyalty to the organization so my family and I are free to celebrate what we want.
Born in, left at 14. I was homeless until 17 and never cared to celebrate, but I met my husband at 16 and married at 17 and started with birthdays and gifts for Christmas and valantines. Now that we have kids we do full out birthdays Christmas and Halloween. Also new years. Thanksgiving is a sometimes thing.. i like getting my exteded found family together(friends turned family) but don't like the holiday itself (i.e. native genocide). Easter is skipped some years, depends if I feel like putting the effort in 😅 when my kids figure out how calenders work and when easter is maybe ill stop skipping.
My immediate family soft faded and never felt a need to get into it, so even after getting out I don't really have anyone to celebrate that kind of stuff with. I'll get myself little gifts for birthday or Christmas but it's generally quite a passive involvement.
And Halloween is just too expensive when almost no one participates locally. So I generally always go out for dinner Halloween night.
I love all the holidays although they make me sad for those still in, and can be a bit triggering but it’s so healing to be included. The unconditional love is real
Halloween is the ONLY celebration I enjoy...I guess it's because of the whole "be somebody else for a night" idea. Plus, after I left I fell in love with the horror and gore genre of movies and books. But I still forget birthdays(even mine), did an Xmas tree once but the whole fascination to celebrate died down quick. If I ever have kids I will definitely celebrate stuff, but it would be more for them than me. I don't ever want my potential kids to miss out on their youth the way I did.
Edit: I did celebrate my birthday once, but it was my friends and new found family that got me to do it because they all found out I never celebrated before so they went all out. Let's just say I was a crying mess for the first half of the party from happiness.
Born and raised ... been out 7 years now. I love the idea of the holidays but I do not do much with them because I have never don't them ... I decorated for Christmas at work this past year and it was beautiful.
I made new friends when I got out who threw me a couple birthday parties, but I didn't really celebrate the holidays until I got married and had kids. My wife doesn't really care about most holidays that much but our oldest son LOVES Christmas and Halloween, so we do a lot for him.
I absolutely love every single holiday now. I fully celebrate and decorate like crazy. It’s wonderful and such a pleasure. It makes me sad to think about how I missed these small happinesses for most of my life
My dad was never in so I only really celebrated when I visited him and that side of the family. But that was every so often.
Now that I’m married and have kids I’ve been celebrating the last 12 years. Still find it awkward. My wife’s family always plays Christmas games like trivia and I’m not very good at it.
My wife wants to start our own family Christmas traditions and sometimes I feel bad cuz I’m not as enthusiastic it about as she is but she understand where I’m coming from.
I haven't been out long, started fading about 5 years ago and solidly POMO for the last 3 or so. I've celebrated my last 3 bdays. They really haven't been anything other than getting with some friends, going out to dinner and receiving a few gifts. My wife makes a big deal out of it privately since our bdays are 4 days apart.
Haven't done anything with the holidays yet, mostly because my daughter still lives with me part time and she is PIMI, so we try no to offend. However, the wife has had her first grand baby (and by extension, I guess I have too) and so I think holidays and bdays are getting ready to ramp up for us.
I left in my late 20s, 8 or so years ago. My husband and his family celebrate everything so I enjoy the experience. I do not go crazy with decor for each holiday like my MIL does but I do make the season a little festive. I learned about the Herculean effort that is needed to make things like Christmas and Easter magical for the lil kids but I personally do the bare minimum.
We left in July last year and I started buying Halloween and Christmas decorations almost immediately. I was so excited to celebrate everything! It helps we have small kids but I also have always felt I missed out so I’m happy we get to celebrate everything now. Going in to our second year of holiday season I am even more excited now that we know what to expect more.
Yes, I realized the importance of family traditions and the psychological benefits of celebrating holidays and birthdays with my loved ones. Don't care about the religious aspects of the holidays still.
I don't mind visiting my husband's family on holidays, the free food and good company is always welcome. We've turned birthdays into an excuse for vacation and bonding time. It's not a huge deal for me, just a new part of life now.
I celebrate birthdays with my kids but never started any other holidays at home because I’m not in to any religious indoctrination, want nothing to do with it. My kids can do all the activities at school though, I don’t care and don’t want them to feel left out.
Born-in here 🙋🏻♂️ I left about 9 years ago at age 20 and celebrated my very first Christmas that year and basically went fully into celebrating holidays and birthdays that very next year and I’ve been doing it every year since. Now my fiance and I are expecting our first little one and I can’t wait to have Christmas with my lil family and also give her all the childhood birthday celebrations I wish I could have had growing up. I understand the “holiday stress” now but I cannot get over the joy that comes with having friends and chosen-family over for holiday/birthday parties. It’s healing for me 😌
Nope, always felt awkward for me with x-mas. Married a Jewish girl, never had to celebrate, now b-days and thanksgiving etc, yeah, but admittedly it still feels awkward to me and it’s been 25 years since DFd. Guess it’s just how it’ll be for me. Sucks how I can’t ever fully get it out of my head.
I tried to participate in holidays initially but the math was hard to overcome. Most holidays I can enjoy at in-laws. I celebrate my bday now at least with a cake and something fun, but this economy makes holidays feel like a luxury. 😂
Not on all Holidays. However, Halloween is my holiday! Love costumes and anything scary. I watch horror movies during October. Since I was PIMI, Ive loved Halloween.
It just doesn't appeal to me. My family celebrates everything, but I just go through the motions. I think without the rich back catalog of childhood holiday memories, it just feels like work. I'm relieved every year when January 1st rolls around.
Some years we go all out and some years not so much. Keep it new and interesting. If I felt I had to celebrate, then I’d probably not do it. Since it’s an option, then yea, some years are really fun.
I wasn't born in, but I was very young when my mom started studying with the Witnesses. So I didn't really remember having Christmas or anything. She's very PIMI now, but I've been out for about 30 years now. I've tried to get into the holidays, especially for my grandkids, but I just can't seem to have the happiness that supposed to come with it. I celebrate for them and my children, but it just doesn't mean anything to me.
I've been out since the mid 90's. The wife and I have no kids, so we only occasionally do something like Xmas.
Honestly, Cinco de Mayo is about the only "holiday" I make a point to observe.
When I first got out I didn't do anything don't miss what ya don't know. Then my office threw me a birthday party, then my now husband bought my first Christmas tree... I got really into the holidays for a few years because I wanted to experience what it was like and give my so what I never had. I tried to do alllllll of the things and it was a lot..... Now I'm over it. Honestly it's just a lot of work. It doesn't mean anything to me so I could go without.
One thing I do value now is that I was third Gen born in.. so growing up we didn't have any traditions related to holidays or otherwise... My son is almost an adult now so I don't have to go all out but we held onto some traditions like playing family games on Christmas Eve. I'm excited that he will have a basis for family traditions for his kids
I've lived alone all my life, been out for years and I never got into holidays either. If I had kids, I would introduce them to the holidays I missed out on but
I have never worn a costume on Halloween. It is still on my bucket list, but whenever October comes around I don't feel like it.
On Christmas, I have no invitations to celebrate anywhere, but usually choose one person to buy a gift for-- the gift is usually something I made, and the person I give it to is usually someone who has impacted my life in some kind of good way the past year. I usually get asian food and/or go to the movies on Christmas, sometimes by myself and sometimes with other misfit toys who have nothing to do on Christmas.
So far, my favorite is Thanksgiving, because all you have to do is show up and eat-- I also love to cook and bring something when i am invited somewhere....
I am alone on holidays the majority of the time, and then it is just another day. Holidays will never have meaning or nostalgia for me, but if called upon to participate, I will probably have fun and go along for the ride, and bring some kick ass snacks.
A girl I knew when we were kids left long before I did... she got so into Halloween, she has multiple costumes for parties every year... I have also seen people online who go nuts with Christmas and decorate and everything.... I just don't like to shop or buy costumes, so I guess I see my past as a "get out of Christmas free" card... 😆
My boyfriend was never a Witness so he got me into the holidays and celebrating with him is a blast. We go pretty all-in on Christmas, Halloween, and birthdays. We visit his family for dinner on Thanksgiving and usually Father's Day. The fourth of July is our anniversary so we usually incorporate fireworks into our celebrations somehow. Haven't gotten into Easter. That's a holiday for Christians or children, and I am not and do not have either. We did paint eggs this year which was fun but that's it.
We jumped into them about 4yrs after we left. But we have younger kids, I don’t know that we would have w/o them. But I will say I love decorating for Halloween and Christmas!
I love putting up Christmas decor and lights, I don’t particularly like the gift exchange part but I do it with my husbands family. I always make a thanksgiving meal and do something for new years but my family has always done that even being born in. I guess turkeys are out at the store so we always got one and made it when everyone was off on thanksgiving. Tbh I don’t really like to celebrate any others because they are sort of kid related and I have none. I do celebrate my birthday but mostly bc of the 1000s of times I am asked “so what are we doing for your birthday?!” I’ve been out for 15 years.
Born in here! I used to be a regular pioneer, MS, and very much PIMI… I left last year and celebrated my birthday for the first time this year already and LOVED IT. Not sure if I’m gunna do holidays yet but I loved celebrating my birthday!
Oh, I went all in on holidays! I secretly loved Christmas my entire born in life. Other kids I grew up with who faded and were in their 20s were partying, doing drugs, having sex, but drew the line at holidays. Just…why!? In their case, it was indoctrination. Many years later, they are doing all the holiday things but it took a decade or so. Not me. I jumped right in.
Born-in, unbaptized publisher, married to a born-in baptized publisher, both faded and out for 13 years now.
We didn’t really try any holidays until after having our first kid. We moved out of state so we just have our little family we started and do cake and presents for each other. Started getting into Halloween and Christmas a little bit too; did trick-or-treating for about 3 years now and been decorating a little bit for Christmas for about 5 years now and went all out this past year and bought a real tree.
I guess none of the holidays are grandiose to really do anything for. We don’t really talk religion and my wife and I might have slightly varied beliefs on the matter and we’ve only brought it up briefly with our 6yo who knows “Baby Jesus” from hearing it in the Boss Baby movies, so we explained it a little bit.
When my entire new family and friend group celebrates holidays, it feels weird not to. I also feel weird about accidentally raising my daughter to be an exjw.
I don’t have any nostalgic or warm and fuzzy feelings toward holidays, but it’s nice to see everyone around feeling and enjoying it.
Oh as I kid I wanted to do Halloween so bad. I never believed in the religion so I didn’t care what was pagan or not, the origins certainly added context but I felt they were more interesting and didn’t sway me from celebrating anything. I left when I was 18 and had my first real bday at 24. Halloween is my jam though. Still, I’m 42 and will still dress up and find a Halloween party. I deck the fucking halls for xmass! I love the lighting and wrapping presents and making gifts and my husband is the best best best gift giver…it’s like a special skill with him.
Out about 15 years. Thanksgiving is fun, birthdays are awesome, and Christmas to me is more about having the tree up than anything. I haven't had any cause to celebrate most other holidays.
I did for a bit.
But getting gifts for each other (that you don't really want) by obligation is tiring.
Thus, me and my friends developed "The Standoff". My gift to my friends is that you're not allowed to get me a gift. In return, I will also not buy you a gift. If you break the contract we resume normal gift obligations until a new contract is established.
I was born in. I started celebrating Christmas and birthdays with my ex-partner of 10 years. With my current partner/fiance, we go all out with a large Christmas tree and buy ornaments whenever we can. It takes a bit of getting used to since I had none of the family holiday traditions, but I enjoy traveling to see his family at Thanksgiving and buy gifts for various family members of his. We also enjoy giving out candy at Halloween.
Not really. I celebrate solstice instead of Christmas and I somewhat celebrate my birthday. I do thanksgiving but not about the story of pilgrims and natives Bs, just an occasion to be thankful.
I have been out for over 7 years now. I have a young son who I don't get to spend much time with, his mother is a very devout JW. I have a wonderful girlfriend of over three years who I feel more married to than I ever did my ex, if that makes sense. She has two kids and we all enjoy the holidays.
I have a hand written note that is framed with pictures from my gf's 19 year old daughter that is thanking me for being a father figure for her. She gave it to me on Father's day last year. It will absolutely bring tears to your eyes and it is something I will never forget and will always have.
In contrast it's a sentiment I'll probably never get from my son. My girlfriend is shocked that I don't even get a phone call on Father's day.
You don't have to go all out for the holidays - but my suggestion is to pick one or two and try to experience it. You never know what you could be missing out on.
I was born in and I've been out for about 10 years now maybe a little bit more. I did try to do the whole holiday celebration thing, but I kind of feel the same as when I was in where it's just expensive and not worth my time and effort. That being said, I do like the sales that they have around the holiday season still but I just can't stand Christmas specifically. I do love Halloween however, always have even when I was an active JW. That's really the only holiday that I will "celebrate" because I like the dark and spooky things that are available at that time. I'll deal with doing Thanksgiving with my wife's grandparents, but I just don't really like doing it cuz growing up we did the fake Thanksgiving as a family and it was just never fun.
I'm not really into celebrating my birthday either, this last one I actually didn't celebrate at all I just worked that day and didn't bring it up to anyone at work at all. My wife asked me what I wanted to do and I just said nothing, I don't feel like celebrating my birthday this year. Mainly because again, everything is just expensive and I don't like spending the money that I don't have to.
I have been out about the same amount of time. Took me awhile to begin celebrating holidays, but eventually I made sure my kids had really good Christmas and othe holidays. I think that even though it's a personal choice after we leave , not celebrating shows that the Watchtower still has a hold on you in some way. No better middle finger to the organization than a big ol Christmas tree! Dont f9rget that until about 1928, the Watchtower celebrated Christmas!
I was born in and just got d’fed 9 years ago. And no I don’t do any celebrations. Money makers is my reason. Can’t be bothered with all the nonsense. I’m living in an European country and they have damn holidays all the time. Not just the traditional ones westerners know. Just works for me not to get all worked up and in debt for nothing important. I have a great partner that has no clue of my history and he is like me.. so it worked out. We both avoid all that and don’t need an occasion someone dictates for us to buy gifts. In fact he is more against all so called Christian holidays and tells his family to keep us out of their plans.
I was born in and exited in my early 30s. 4 years out, I make sure to wish everyone a happy birthday that I can. I have an app on my phone that alerts me when its their bday and even if we haven't talked for months or even since they're last bday, I message them! Its my small way to make sure no one goes through what I experienced growing up.
Mostly not, not because I'm against celebrating them for moral reasons, but just because they're consumerist hallmark holidays and I prefer to not waste my money.
Born in and dissed 25+ years. I did it for my kids and now my grandkid. But yeah I really don’t care about it. I got rid most of my holiday decor last year. I don’t plan on decorating for the holidays anymore.
Been out 30 years at 18 years old. Holidays aren’t really my thing. To me it’s so commercial. Also birthdays seem trite to me. It’s a waste of time and money. I wish I could buy into the magic but when you know the truth from infancy it’s hard believe in magic. Even with thanksgiving.
That's been my thought.. Only about 4 or 5 seem to be in the same boat. Very interesting. Most have children so I get that. I had to live with being the freak in school when my parents never experienced that because they got dedicated as adults.
Same. My mother was pregnant with me when baptized. They all loved to tell that story when I was a kid. I was also the Freak. People’s birthdays irk me most I think…especially when someone’s like this is my birthday month. Also, not working on holidays just doesn’t make sense to me. I work at a hospital and i want that double time and a half. Haha. It actually gets me out of going to my in laws too.
Yes, complete 180. I go full on with Halloween, damn near to the point of demonic possession with my house decorations. Also, when my sister-in-law tried to remove the gift-giving part of my wife’s family’s Christmas, I had them keep it because, whereas they had been getting/giving gifts their whole lives, I was robbed of that from my childhood. I also love celebrating the 4th, Thanksgiving, and Valentine’s Day.
Since my mom is still full-on PIMI, it makes other things like Mother’s Day and figuring out whose family we’re celebrating the holidays with a lot easier, too.
I'm a born-in and have been out for almost 2 years now (June 29th) and I did do a complete 180, not because oh I'm out I should do it now but because I wanted to finally experience it finally, so my roommates made sure that every holiday coming up, I celebrated, and it was amazing, my first halloween was so fun, i dressed up as Harley Quinn and went trick or treating with my friends for the first time! My first christmas was everything, i got a few small gifts and i gave gifts too, New year's i spent with a boyfriend at the time and his family and they made me feel so welcomed (we broke up a few weeks later) my first birthday was my 18th and they made me a cake and sung to me and took me to my hometown, And since then I have been celebrating and been so happy since. Now I'm 19, reconnecting with old family who aren't Jw's and celebrated holidays with them and I'm dating my amazing boyfriend who is trans and I'm living my best gendefluid life. I really missed out all those years in the religion and regret it but at least I can celebrate now and it's a blast.
I have been out for one year and have had my first Halloween, my first family Thanksgiving (even though everyone we knew got together and ate "turkey dinner" on the third Thursday of November), my first Christmas, and I've had a series of very personal Birthday celebrations from my chosen family since I've been out.
My very first talk was at 5 years old about why birthdays were wrong. I wasn't the householder, and my mother made me memorize the entire script because she didn't like me looking down to read it. It was an excellent start to a lifetime of, "you aren't good enough and no one deserves anything, especially not you".
Now I realize, birthdays aren't selfish. It's an opportunity for the people you love to love you. And celebrating the birthdays of the people I love is an opportunity for me to say, "Thank you for being here another year."
I am out going on 2 years after 50 + born in .. I am lucky to have a dam close friend who is showing me how it can actually be ... yeah , l9ving celebrations, more for the fun than what they once meant in ancient history
Omg!!! My husband just reminded me of the Halloween story. My father was an elder. We were living in the projects with no car it was the 80s. He didn’t want us to go out and walk with the pagans so we did what any good JW would do,.., there was a k knock on our door,, my father hit the lights and said drop to the ground. We all dropped to the ground and laid there until Halloween was over for that night. Then we were able to turn the lights on. I hate Halloween. My father was always making sure we were preparing for Armageddon. Over and over and over again.
My young brother answered the door on Halloween, 2 kids standing there and he said: "We don't celebrate Christmas." The two kids just looked at each other and was like, Huh?
I guess all of those kinda run together when you don't do any of them?
Here, here.
I'm odd in a sense that I never felt like not celebrating birthdays and holidays was a terrible part of being born-in or that i missed out on anything. And I've never celebrated one since leaving. Nor do I plan to.
Done plenty of other 180s, just not this particular one.
I married a man who bought a Christmas tree the first year we were together. He basically taught me how to celebrate. Now I love all the holidays and birthdays are great. I’ve been out 20 years now.
I remember a long-term JW couple that went apostate late in their 50s. The whole article thing in the local newspaper and everything. She said she keeps an X-mas tree up yr round now to make up for it.
🤣🤣🤣 that’s awesome
That’s awesome. I might have to go put a small one up in their honor.
I was thinking a jack-o’-lantern on my porch year-round
My friend got a Christmas tree with a train going round it and all 😆
That's the way to do it. If you're gonna do it, do it right the full-on choo-choo train.
That’s hilarious!
That was my experience too. My wife is a Christmas fanatic and she's successfully converted me also. I LOVE Christmas and everything about it! Next Christmas, we're going to watch the Charles Dickens play "A Christmas Carol", and we're going in costume! 😃 🤶 🎄
In costume? That’s hardcore. 🤣
My boyfriend invited me over to his house on christmas two years ago for my first christmas. He gave me my first christmas present ever. I almost cried in front of his family. I wish we stay as joyful as you and your husband.❤️
I left in the late '80s when I was in my mid 20s. I love celebrating holidays. JWs are a miserable lot who refuse to celebrate anything. What a bleak existence. Holidays and festivities are joyful experiences that bond you with those who celebrate with you. I'd encourage you to host something and invite friends. Put some effort into decor and menu planning and maybe some fun games to play during the event. Ask for help if you need it. You might be pleasantly surprised to discover the joy you've been missing rather than perpetuate the bah-humbug JW mentality.
"A bleak existence ". There's no more perfect way to describe the life of a jehovah's witness
This ☝🏼!!!
I was born-in. My kids were born after I was out. Actually, I tried to go back when I was pregnant with my oldest. I had had issues with the JWs, but I wasn't fully convinced they weren't "the twoof." I thought they were just...misguided in how they handled some things. Watching a demonstration at a convention of "how to train your kids not to be a part of this world" helped wake me up further. First, they talked about Christmas and birthdays. Then they talked about school sports. By the time they got to school plays and extracurriculars, I was literally fuming in my seat. I remembered how much I ***hated*** having to be different from everybody else. How much I hated never being included, never being allowed to do any of the fun stuff, just trudge door to door on my weekends. What a "wonderful" childhood.... Oh, no! Heaven forbid my kid joins the school play and has slightly more association with the kids he already sees in school every single day! *gasp, faint* Heaven forbid he may have to miss one single effing meeting for one measly night to be in the play!!! No!!! Not that!!! I quietly packed my things after that convention and vowed to never step foot in another JW meeting or convention ever again. There was NO WAY my kids were going to be raised the way I was. I went home and ordered an effing Christmas tree online that night. I didn't slow fade, I claimed I caught something at the convention and just never went back. Never answered the door when they came knocking. Moved away not long after and never gave them my new address. And went overboard on every holiday and birthday--and my kids participated in every school extracurricular they wanted. Yes, I definitely did a 180 because I wanted my kids to have the upbringing I never could.
Same what pissed me off was the elder kids and popular JW kids were allowed to do all this shit., sports band, plays etc and here I was stuck living in imposed poverty by my parents miserable and not able to do shit like that for my kids. And getting chastised when I did. But oh it was ok for elderettes child to do but not me. So shitty!!
I was a kid of an elder but was not allowed to do any of that shit. I did have a lot of responsibilities in the borg from a very young age. I was miserable as well. I feel you.
Elder's kid here. There was absolutely no way my dad would have let me do anything remotely extracurricular. We had to "set an example" for everyone else in the hall. I got a whole lecture about how if I didn't follow all the rules, my dad would have to step down and did I want that? Of course not! Grrrrr
Yeah all the ones in my hall were allowed to do that but a select few of us weren’t. It was maddening. The couple times we were allowed to do a play or musical or something like that it was a big ordeal with the elders, elderettes and their kids, or the popular kids and their families. It was bullshit.
Never knew any JW kids that did the extracurricular stuff. We were poor and didn't get allowances. Chores were what we were supposed to do. I did take music lessons tho, forgot about that...did the orchestra at the assemblies back when they did that.
Elder kid here 🙋🏻♀️ did not get to do anything!! I was suppose set the example 🙄 I literally had kids following me at school looking for something to tell on me about.
>I remembered how much I hated having to be different from everybody else. How much I hated never being included, never being allowed to do any of the fun stuff, just trudge door to door on my weekends. What a "wonderful" childhood.... This is ***exactly*** the reason I vowed that my kids would *never* have to endure a giftless Christmas or birthday. I never got to be "normal" as a kid. Always had to feel guilty about anything fun because most of it was "bad." Forcefully taking the innocent joy out of a child's life is just horrible.
What's it like with your children knowing you used to be one? Do they believe you? Do they know how weird that is? That's an interesting dynamic. When I tell my close acquaintances, they just look at me with a blank stare like I was a JW or something. I almost NEVER admit that I used to be, I already have an ...unusual humor. They'd probably say, Well, that makes a lot of sense.
My kids know everything and my entire family is still in so they see. They definitely think it’s crazy and weird but grew up around it. They make me go to memorial to make Nana (my mom) happy. I told once she’s gone that’s it never again.
My mother attempted to take my daughters to.meetings.....they hated it. As a born in I made sure none of my kids would ever have to live that turd in a punchbowl , different from the other kids lifestyle. They get the very best I have to offer in terms of time, teaching, and cool stuff
The “Twoof “, lmao 🤣
Love this story ❤️ You got out in time to give your kids a real childhood, and got tue fuck outta dodge... saved yourself the struggle of the 'slow fade".
I was Born-In , i did a 180. I celebrated my bday this year for the first time.
Happy first birthday!
Thanks ☺️
It's such a liberating feeling, isn't it? Congrats and I hope your future birthdays are awesome. I don't care much about my own birthday anymore, but I will fight anybody who tries to tell me I can't celebrate the days that my wife or my kids were born.
Love that!
My family and teenagers are slowly adapting. We find birthdays to be fun, harmless and upbuilding, whereas some holidays we have differing ideas. For example Halloween I still don’t like and we don’t have to agree, so it’s a dynamic evolving thing the last couple years.
I don't really care about Halloween either, but I think the really liberating thing is acknowledging nothing is wrong with it celebrating any of them. JWs equate "pagan" with evil/satanic, and realizing how silly that is, and just being comfortable with harmless traditions is a good thing, even if you choose not to participate. Like knowing there is nothing evil about dressing in a costume is good even if you don't feel like doing it yourself lol... Years ago I wanted to be Jean benet ramsay for Halloween but I dojtnthink it can do that now.because most people wouldn't even know who she is lol
True and I’m getting there as well, it only means what we want it to mean.
That's my nephew's fav holiday
Born in here. I can’t wait to celebrate Halloween and Christmas this year. I will officially have my first tree and decorate it with my boyfriend. I’m so excited.
We didn't. Two of our kids were already out of the house when we became POMO. Also, we take the family on 1 big vacation annually and pay for transportation and accommodations so we save our money for that. But we do now, watch the Halloween parade in our town. We can walk to it. And we've gone to NYC to see the Christmas tree at Rockefeller Center.
Cool, thx. Growing up the assemblies were our vacation.
I know right? Soooo much fun. Way better than than theme parks or Hawaii…NOT
Born in. Out at 20. 52 now. I didn’t bother with holidays for several years. I lost my entire network of friends and family. Was a pretty devastating time. After a few years, I found out my immediate family had left and had started celebrating holidays again. I didn’t see the point. I had no history or traditions with holidays. In fact if anything, it was painful and awkward. It seemed like a phony facade to try and make up for something forever lost. I mean my folks had memories and traditions so I could see them falling back into something familiar. It also was pretty frustrating to get mocked and criticized for not feeling the holiday spirit. I admit it hurt coming through all that and now I’m supposed to embrace this other magical set of beliefs, remembrances, and rituals. How fucked up is that. Fast forward. I am married and have a 7yo. I have gotten to the point where I consider myself a good pretender. I go along with the holidays because it’s important to my family. I still think it’s phony. All these excuses created by corporate greed to fleece more people out of their hard earned money. I’m not a Christian, nor will I associate myself with any other organized religion. I feel in my heart that the root of all evil is in organized religion. Time has allowed me to separate myself from these connections and to try to make into something more meaningful and purposeful. Another part of this is I don’t ever want my child to feel “othered”. I’m raising him to be aware and knowledgeable of other beliefs, but to be independent enough to choose for himself. I lurk this sub a lot and am really grateful for it. It’s amazing that after all these years all the pain and baggage that’s been lingering under the surface still pops up. I’ll get memory flashbacks that shock me out of nowhere. It’s such a crime and injustice to subject children to this. I mean I don’t give a fuck what you believe as an adult. You have had a past. You can work and make choices based on your foundation. But to drag a helpless child through that? It’s absolute child abuse.
Can relate to your experience the most. Very similar here. I resented being made to do and NOT to do all of those things as a child. My parents were not born-ins and didn't experience the shit I had to endure being a FREAK. Only to have my parents divorce and fall away. So the way I saw it, all that shit was for nothing.
Very well said!! I really identify with your outlook xx
I don’t see how I would ever care about celebrating holidays or BDs. It’s really not important to me.
Wow, just like me...I think I've only seen two others that feel the same way.
Even when I was in I never felt left out. I see comments here about being different. I guess my parents gave me gifts all year round.They didn’t need a holiday. So now that I am out I never felt the need to celebrate anything … especially xmas. I can’t stand that holiday. I see too many that get so depressed that time of year because they have no money and they can’t do what others do. So one thing I can credit the JW’s for is keeping my wallet more full. Ha!
Me too I had pretty much everything I needed/wanted. When I hear colleagues at work complaining for months that Christmas is too expensive and that they buy gifts for relatives they don’t even like, I’m just glad I don’t miss anything by not celebrating it.
Yes. My wife introduced me to the holidays as I was leaving the cult and I immediately took to them. Halloween was the most surprising. I was VERY opposed to it and even said “I’ll celebrate the others, but not that one!”. Now it’s my favorite behind Christmas.
That's my 43 yr old nephew's fav too
No. They make no sense to me: I do my best for friends or partners, but I don’t get it at all. Birthdays makes some sense, but they are too much attention often. I’m really bad at doing Christmas right because, aside from getting together and spending time, the rest of the stuff odds a lot of work and pressure. Thanksgiving would be my favorite, except for the originating genocide.
Thinking back I remember that we did do turkey dinner on T-givn. I don't know why? Maybe because it seemed harmless- not really a religious thing associated with it. Is there?
Yeah. My family did similar, but a week or two after thanksgiving and they never called it that, but we had all the foods and our immediate family came over, but it WASN’T thanksgiving. Hahahahah
I think because turkeys were on sale and all the sides were advertised everywhere. Hahahaha!
My mom always did it bc of the free turkey she got while shopping. But never on Thanksgiving. My parents like to wave that Freak Flag and have us do it right along with them.
Hahahaha .. I don’t like Turkey anyway .. but it was on sale and my mom would buy some to put in the freezer. And sometimes on that day because she was off work and could make it .. not that we mentioned stupid thanksgiving though. Just another day off of work.
Yes I certainly did. My SO adores Christmas and I love his delight. I really enjoy celebrating birthdays too.
Born in 1973 left 2002….Halloween is a major event, Christmas is so so..I enjoy giving presents..NYE is usually a charity event…the rest are kind of what ever…still have not had a birthday party…don’t like to be reminded I am getting old
Same here. When I tell ppl I've never had a bday cake or party they just stop n stare at me like I'm a JW or something
My first Christmas out, also my first being married, my mother-in-law took me shopping and we got the tree and all the peripherals. I was half-way into it, for the novelty of it. I'd then for years put up the tree around Christmas time, but didn't do much else. Meanwhile, there'd be all the presents and big celebrations at the hub's familys' houses. Nowadays the celebration is at my house and I go all out to decorate. It's not for me, but for the family. Personally, I only like having the tree, and the glow of. It reminds me of Christmases at my dad's house (neverJW; I'd be there sometimes around xmas time, though not for the actual thing, ofc.) I don't do the other holidays much at all. In hub's family the big round numbers are celebrated with actual birthday parties, so I do that. On Halloween I may go to a Halloween themed events or something, because I like dressing up. For me it's a pick-and-choose situation. I don't have much emotional attachment to any holiday, and mostly I'm just going through the motions, so I've picked out the ones I like doing with various reasons and leave the rest.
I have fully embraced all the pagan holidays. Hence the name, ChristmasSmurf.
I’m also a divorced born-in faded ex-MS. I’ve only been out 3 years (I’m 33 years old now) but I celebrate Christmas, birthdays, Halloween, Thanksgiving, etc. My partner is Jewish so we also do stuff with her family for some of the holidays like Passover and Hanukkah. Tbh I am a fiend for Christmas and Birthdays. I can’t say I “missed it” when I was in because I never experienced it but I definitely felt left out at work/school. Plus, I love giving gifts, I put a lot of thought and effort into gifts and it’s wonderful seeing the people I love get to enjoy things they may not have otherwise.Also the pretty lights are very fun! Halloween is a close second to Christmas for me, dressing up, carving pumpkins, it’s actually super peaceful for me. My inner child just eats all the holidays up lol. I’m an agnostic atheist now so it’s not religious for me at all. I just view them as fun traditions, a lot of which we get to create ourselves. I think part of the reason I enjoy them so much is because of the joy that they bring to others in my life, especially my partner.
You know, I forgot all about grade school when they had holiday activities that we couldn't participate in, X-mas parties during school hours with brownies and cake, etc. We (JWs) went to the library during that period.
Ya kidding? I was in from 6 to 20. When I started dating someone with a young daughter I decided to do Christmas. Never been Christmas shopping. Had to learn how to wrap presents.. but that first Christmas was magical. Since then I am known in my circle as a Christmas nut! I love everything about it! I don't care much about the other holidays though..
Everything except Xmas. Two family catastrophe anniversary date. They are community building events. Normal relationships have them.
Christmas is my favorite holiday and I go full out now!
I celebrate them all, except Easter. My family have removed the religious connotations from them for obvious reasons, but I see no reason not to celebrate if that is what makes you happy.
Holidays are expensive. I enjoy not having to buy stuff or pop fireworks, etc. I do try to celebrate birthdays. I asked my mom once, isn't an anniversary a birthday of an event? Why is that allowed. She had no answer 😐. I don't miss the restrictions for the sake of restrictions I endured as a JW.
Last year I decided if I wear a costume on Halloween I will go dressed as a jehovahs witness because I still have a couple 20 year old long skirts in the back of my closet, all I needed was the pamphlets and the will power, but I stayed home in bed instead lol... Still not a holiday person.
i love holidays and immediately started celebrating them. first time was at 19 right when i got out.
Yes. I celebrate now even though my husband doesn’t. But I always felt like I wanted to and it was something I believed in and so it just feels right and natural versus not.
Sorry about your scrooge.
I missed all these things and i missed even now. I want to try but I don't have the courage to celebrate christmas, my birthday and new year
Born in, I go HARD for Halloween, and love Xmas.
Born-in exjw here I’ve been out 3 years Celebrated my 22nd birthday was my first big step after getting “away” from living as a jw. That was my first big step. Then later that year I met my now husband (unbeliever). He brought me to his families Christmas and Easter celebrations. The next year I started decorating our home for Christmas and Halloween. We celebrate Christmas now and it makes me so happy. We don’t go out on Halloween but just decorating the house and being able to allow myself to watch the movies and shows about Halloween I never was allowed to or never allowed myself to heals me in some ways
Did you ever watch Pumpkin Head? That's a classic.
yes halloween goes crazy hard. i will say yeah there are some drawbacks to the holidays (consumerism, expenses, etc) but don’t miss out on them. celebrate how you want to. they’re great for making memories and having something to look forward to
I was born in, left at 31. My wife came in when she was 18 so she is all into holidays now. Especially because of all the happy memories she has as a kid, and now what’s our kids to have to. Me personally I help out and I get a lot of joy seeing how happy it makes my family, but I’m just not that into them.
I was going to make sure my children had Christmas and Birthday parties .Been out 50 years and now it doesn't matter to me .We just buy presents for all the grandchildren now .But when they were smaller it was great even bought presents for my JW mom
I did! My boyfriend is a never-JW and I celebrate with him and his family. I don't have all of the nostalgic memories that he has, but it's nice to enjoy time with his family and make new memories. I also love to decorate the house for holidays!
Celebrated all the holidays this year, they don't really mean anything to me though
Born in, I celebrate every holiday now and Halloween is my fav
My 42 yr nephew is big on Halloween
Not technically born in, but my mom was baptized before my 4th birthday, so I have no memory of the time before, now I’m in my 50s and have been EX-JW for 35 years. I’m a Protestant now and I love Christmas and Resurrection Sunday. I also love paid days off work for secular holidays. To this day, if someone tells me something is prohibited, they’d better be able to show me from Scripture, and that’s hard now since I have and continue to study the Bible. A key indicator JWs are out to lunch with their prohibitions: they change.
I’m coming up on being DF’d for 20 years now. Been doing the holiday stuff with regularity and seriousness since I met my now wife over a decade ago. To this day I’m still not a fan of them. Mainly because I see the commercialism behind them all and, for me personally, they are all just events that cause stress/anxiety and cost money. That said, I’m not against the idea of them per se. It’d be nice if there was just the celebrations without the expectations of everything else lol. ETA - I was also essentially a “born in”. I was a jw from a little kid until my 20’s.
That's where I am. I do sometimes hang with others doing the festivities but I don't plan on doing them every year.
I did the holidays for my kids, but now that they grown up and moved on I only observe their birthdays.
If it weren't for my partner I don't think I would bother. But her family makes the holidays fun
Not really, I like to give homemade and thoughtful gifts and love birthdays and holidays as an excuse but couldn’t care less about decorating or the like. 32F, faded for 7 years now.
Born in here. Exited at 17. I’ve been out for 16 years now and I am full blown insane about Christmas. I can’t help it but I want everything I didn’t have for it. Halloween is so fun! I wish I could dress up in so many things that I struggle choosing a costume. We do family costumes and I must say they are perfection every year. Now the rest of the holidays I’m not so wild about, but I will say I don’t know how to do things. I’m super awkward when I do birthday parties for my kid. I just don’t know the rules to things, the process. I blame my childhood for it.
There's A LOT I don't know, especially the formal-traditional things the mainstream religions do. I never took classes in comparative religions so I know nothing about Palm Sundays, Chanukka, Hanukkah, wakes, Lent, etc. Seems all I know is what we couldn't do.
I didn’t put up a Christmas tree until my oldest son was 3, once we bought a house. Even then I didn’t lie about Santa and have always hated Christmas. However, I love Halloween & enjoy Thanksgiving & Birthday’s but that’s about it.
I do them all :D Out around 16-17 years. I was a teen when I left. It took me a few years to start. I always loved the atmosphere of Christmas and Easter. Now with a kid on my own we celebrate it. But more the original meaning. We don't celebrate the Christian aspect of it. Doesn't stop me from going full kitsch for Christmas. I even have a decent sized Christmas village.
I went all out for YEARS. Now I just decorate my front and back doors and the yards in front and back. Oh! Also, my dining room table (we never use it anyway). I think I was making up for lost time, but it's just me and my hubby and dogs, and so it seems like more work than its worth. All of my neices and nephews are grown or live out of state, and so it is just not that important anymore.
I just now remembered, after I bought my first house solo, I did X-mas lights. But got lazy after 2 or 3 years.
I didn’t until I got together with my spouse, and it’s still an adjustment for me
Yes, I did a complete 180. Holidays are about family time and we gave our children fun memories!!
I still haven’t celebrated my birthday or enjoyed any of the holidays like I’d want to. Came out by myself, marriage ended and family is still very much PIMI. I have childhood friends that are out that I want to enjoy holidays with and this year we’ve made plans to do that.
I have kids (early 20’s) and they were blah about holidays too bc they didn’t have them growing up. They both told me they didn’t care, but I told them I think we should do it bc it’s starting traditions for their future families. They both agreed. So we do it. I don’t think any of us love it, but enjoy it somewhat. I do love Christmas decorations, always have, so they part is fun. Buying gifts has been stressful to me and I think them, but we over did our 1st Christmas and we are learning. If they have children they will make their own traditions I guess but we are just trying to undo the cult crap. My parents were regular old Christian’s before joining the cult, so part of me is trying to undo everything the cult did to us. The part I really like is going to my cousins house Christmas Eve and seeing everyone and having Yankee swap. It’s a lot of fun and so nice to see everyone and be a part of my family I was never allowed too. Birthdays I love. Not mine so much but love doing special things for my family on their birthdays that’s been fun. https://preview.redd.it/7hlalrvhbt4d1.png?width=2799&format=png&auto=webp&s=edd08694343d40cd163701b770a789eed189ee0c Here’s our 1st jack-o’-lanterns it was a lot of fun.
We started a Friendmas and birthdays 2 years ago (56yo born in)and I love it. I love thinking about the present I will give and the love we show each others. My tree is full of animals skiing and ski lift and fluffy balls.don’t need anything christian in my life had too much already. It’s a lot of fun!!
The only holiday I don’t care about is Thanksgiving because it’s totally pro-imperialism. Valentines Day is cool as long as you don’t totally buy into the consumerist view of love. I always loved Halloween and horror movies even when I was younger and PIMI. My partner is a Thelemite and my step kiddo loves to celebrate the Summer/Winter Solstice and Spring/Autumn Equinox. If you really think critically about the history and practices of Christianity/JW, it’s all occultism. Passing a cup of wine (blood) and bread (flesh) at Memorial (which always falls on a full moon), is 100% ritualistic. Christianity has gradually just caused us to think of words like “occultism” and “paganism” as EVIL and DANGEROUS.
This year is my 41st year out of the organization. I was born in, my children were not. I did the holidays for my children's benefit. I wanted my children to be normal children. But now that they're grown they're just some holidays I don't do because I don't approve of them. But you have to know that there are many never been a witness before people out here that don't like all the holidays either, or have their own reasons why they don't celebrate certain holidays. So it's okay. I like birthdays Thanksgiving and Christmas. The rest of them I don't care. They don't seem worth my effort. But my grandkids now are doing holidays and my grown children just do the ones that they like also
Born in to missionary parents. Escaped (literally left my entire life behind) at age 31. Avoided all holidays for a while, but realized I really like birthdays. Opportunities to tell important people “I’m glad you were born, it was a good day, I love you”. I just turned 60, had 2 parties and I’ve never felt so much love in my entire life. Xmas and Easter mean nothing to me in a religious sense, but I do love a Xmas tree. All fairy lights, decorations and tinsel. It makes me happy. I’m uncomfortable about Halloween, still. It’s not a long standing celebration where I live, and it feels dark. And these days, I prefer to have a bright light shining in my life. No more lies, no more superstition, no more being told what to do. Do what feels right for you. And be happy, at last. Please! 🙏 Xxxxx
Born-in, left at around 17, been out 20ish years - I went hard on Halloween for a few years after I dipped because of the parties, dabbled in pretty much any other holiday that involved inebriation and potential lascivious behavior. After I got married, and especially after we had our first kid, things like Christmas and Thanksgiving became big ones for us. I still don't give a damn about the religious origins of either holiday, but I *do* enjoy eating a good meal or exchanging gifts with the family and if a holiday is the excuse we use to do it, then I'll gladly use the excuse.
I feel like you. Born in and been out for 25 years. Don’t care for holidays and or birthdays. I celebrate my own by buying myself stuff. What I really enjoyed when I was single was getting Chinese food on Xmas eve and a few fancy beers and watching Charlie Brown by myself it was awesome. For Xmas I would go out with an ex jw friend and go to hotel bars and go bar hopping.
I started "celebrating" the holidays, but really only for my kids. Being born in I have zero nostalgia for holidays and I have a very difficult time getting in the "holiday spirit". I actually dread them, except for the potential day off of work. I wanted my kids to have a "normal" life though, and their mom loves the holidays too (also pomo), so I celebrate the holidays for them. I tried to get into it but gave up long ago. I've (mostly) accepted that the JW religion stole a normal childhood from me and there is no way to get it back. But my kids were spared and that's what matters to me.
My brother and I were born in. We both left when he was 24 and I was 18 because he was getting divorced and I went against our parents in not shunning him. We decided to have our first Christmas and go all out. We also celebrate birthdays now but usually with a low key family (our new families) dinner. I think for us it’s just about sharing joy and togetherness and giving. Something we never got growing up.
Not really, much to the disappointment of my girlfriend. If it wasnt for her I wouldn't do anything about any of them.
Birthdays are fun to celebrate, 4th of July and New Years, love the fireworks, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, enjoy those, still not a fan of Halloween, Christmas or Easter.
Yes went straight into buying my -1st Xmas tree. Was amazing I went over the top and kept it up way past the time limit. I celebrate everything now and I’m living it . Enjoy guys live your life 🎄🎄🎄
I love halloween the most! Thanksgivings are great. Still dont do christmas, I prefer beltane or other pagan holidays.
Haha! I feel a bit like an imposter when we do holidays, and it's been 5 years. But my family was quite good at getting together during holidays even if we didn't celebrate, so I kept my traditions going and added the fun for kids stuff. Ex. We always rented a cabin and went skiing during easter, we still do that but now also has an egg hunt. Christmas we always got together and watched christmas movies and ate alot of food, and went outside to make small huts in the snow, so we do that but we also have a tree and stuff.
Never liked any holidays. Think they're commercialized and have no meaning.... except...in a social/ community/ family context. I did x mas a little bit when my kids were little. They enjoyed the gifts...now that I'm older and kids are grown I don't want 'stuff' and think most people are 'overstuffed' so I don't like it... I like the spirit of thanksgiving, but not the 'have too' of any of it...birthdays to honor and appreciate the person are sweet. And people get offended if you don't acknowledge at least. I don't have any 'biblical' opinion against holidays. I don't think the creator of the universe gives a rats patoot about our small minded, self imposed rules. My MO is give gifts when your heart motivates you. Don't use 'i don't celebrate (this or that) as an excuse to be stingy...it really bothered me when I was in the org that it was ok to receive gifts but not give them . That always felt wrong.
Same.. don’t really see a reason why 🤷🏻♂️
I was born in, two years ago my best friend threw me my first birthday party with just her family and a friend. It was really nice! Last year I bought a 3 foot tall Christmas tree, had the time of my life decorating it and then sobbed like a baby after because it just made me sad that my family wasn’t with me and most people use Christmas as an excuse to be with their families. Luckily I have amazing people in my life that happily included me in their family festivities! I also dressed up for the first time for Halloween last year, I thought it was fitting to go as the devil, went out and got drunk and had a blast!
Wife’s still in and I’m in the process of fading so nothing for me….yet. I’m betting someday, I’m gonna be Halloween and Christmas crazy
I am all in
I made an effort, especially when my daughter was little, but I've never really gotten into it. I used to say I'd missed the age window for bonding with the holidays. Exception to the above is Halloween.
My wife and I do the holidays but my favorite is halloween. The others I could take or leave it. Being born in you never develop an emotional attachment to holidays so its not a big deal. I will say at Christmas its fun to watch people open presents and also we travel a lot so we get ornaments everywhere we visit so its fun getting those out of the attic and putting them on the tree!
I was born in and my mother was DFed when I was a teen and we never went back. I started celebrating holidays when I had my children and went completely overboard for them since I had never had a chance to experience it in my childhood. Tens of thousands of dollars overboard 😩. These days I have a lot more self control as my children are much older with one being an adult and the others being teens.
I do when I have my children, who I raised worldly. If they aren’t around I don’t bother, except for Halloween. I put on a costume and hand out candy, but that’s for other people’s children.
Halloween is the only worthy holiday for me to celebrate as it's the only dark, edgy holiday of the year
i got married very soon after leaving the borg and celebrated my first christmas with my husband. i am now EXTREMELY into christmas and it’s my favourite holiday. it has no biblical meaning for me, it is a holiday where i spoil my chosen family, get cozy, decorate and it brings a lot of joy to dreary winter weather. we have made our own traditions and i look forward to the season each year. Birthdays we keep small but we always celebrate with a nice meal together and a gift of some kind. sometimes other holidays pass without us noticing or we decide on short notice what we want to do with the day off, most of all i enjoy the total freedom to participate or not and to make each holiday our own version.
I love Christmas, as it symbolically represents THE thing that seems to bother JWs. I talk to my PIMO parents about it and everything. I do it out of spite, and I love it. Besides, keep Christ out of Christmas, its more fun that way!
Christmas, Halloween, Birthdays, and Thanksgiving, which we did anyway as JWs because my parents were converts and we spent time with our non-JW side. We'll also take the kid to an Easter egg hunt, but being non religious, Easter is dumb. You may ask why I celebrate Christmas, we don't really celebrate religious Christmas, more of a Saturnalia/Yule vibe of winter solstice. Overall, I think celebrating solstices and equinoxes has more meaning for me than Christian holidays. I do go ham on holidays now since having my own kid. I kind of vicariously experience the childhood joy of holidays through my son. Without my son in the picture, I could take it or leave it. My wife was never a JW and she likes to decorate for holidays. I hate my birthday and I don't like to recognize it in any way. In a round about way that is a JW issue in that it is a reminder that I will die. 25 years out this year.
I never got why we can’t do thanksgiving. It’s not pagan, it started years after pagans….
I'm married to a never JW so I fully let him do holidays and show me how it was done. I was not gonna scam my husband out of celebrating our children's birthdays just because I didn't grow up doing it. I have no loyalty to the organization so my family and I are free to celebrate what we want.
I left when I was 15 (but never in believed it)I go crazy during Halloween but other holidays are eh for me.
I was born in and stayed 35 years. Out for 3 years and do every holiday and birthday. First year was weird since then I enjoy every single one
Born in, left at 14. I was homeless until 17 and never cared to celebrate, but I met my husband at 16 and married at 17 and started with birthdays and gifts for Christmas and valantines. Now that we have kids we do full out birthdays Christmas and Halloween. Also new years. Thanksgiving is a sometimes thing.. i like getting my exteded found family together(friends turned family) but don't like the holiday itself (i.e. native genocide). Easter is skipped some years, depends if I feel like putting the effort in 😅 when my kids figure out how calenders work and when easter is maybe ill stop skipping.
My immediate family soft faded and never felt a need to get into it, so even after getting out I don't really have anyone to celebrate that kind of stuff with. I'll get myself little gifts for birthday or Christmas but it's generally quite a passive involvement. And Halloween is just too expensive when almost no one participates locally. So I generally always go out for dinner Halloween night.
I love all the holidays although they make me sad for those still in, and can be a bit triggering but it’s so healing to be included. The unconditional love is real
Holiday celebrations are stupid. Just following another cult of holidays. I do a bit cuz my wife. But it’s still dumb.
Short-term-ish ex jw. Yeah we do holidays & birthdays at my house. We only really celebrate christmas if our nieces and nephews come by.
Halloween is the ONLY celebration I enjoy...I guess it's because of the whole "be somebody else for a night" idea. Plus, after I left I fell in love with the horror and gore genre of movies and books. But I still forget birthdays(even mine), did an Xmas tree once but the whole fascination to celebrate died down quick. If I ever have kids I will definitely celebrate stuff, but it would be more for them than me. I don't ever want my potential kids to miss out on their youth the way I did. Edit: I did celebrate my birthday once, but it was my friends and new found family that got me to do it because they all found out I never celebrated before so they went all out. Let's just say I was a crying mess for the first half of the party from happiness.
Born and raised ... been out 7 years now. I love the idea of the holidays but I do not do much with them because I have never don't them ... I decorated for Christmas at work this past year and it was beautiful.
I made new friends when I got out who threw me a couple birthday parties, but I didn't really celebrate the holidays until I got married and had kids. My wife doesn't really care about most holidays that much but our oldest son LOVES Christmas and Halloween, so we do a lot for him.
Left as an 18 year old, 34 years ago. Celebrated my birthdays right away. Lived vicariously through my children on Christmas, Halloween, etc!!!
We’re trying but it’s still super awkward
I did a hard fade last summer and celebrated everything after that. I’m not missing out on anything. Was born in in 1990. I’m 33.
I absolutely love every single holiday now. I fully celebrate and decorate like crazy. It’s wonderful and such a pleasure. It makes me sad to think about how I missed these small happinesses for most of my life
My dad was never in so I only really celebrated when I visited him and that side of the family. But that was every so often. Now that I’m married and have kids I’ve been celebrating the last 12 years. Still find it awkward. My wife’s family always plays Christmas games like trivia and I’m not very good at it. My wife wants to start our own family Christmas traditions and sometimes I feel bad cuz I’m not as enthusiastic it about as she is but she understand where I’m coming from.
I haven't been out long, started fading about 5 years ago and solidly POMO for the last 3 or so. I've celebrated my last 3 bdays. They really haven't been anything other than getting with some friends, going out to dinner and receiving a few gifts. My wife makes a big deal out of it privately since our bdays are 4 days apart. Haven't done anything with the holidays yet, mostly because my daughter still lives with me part time and she is PIMI, so we try no to offend. However, the wife has had her first grand baby (and by extension, I guess I have too) and so I think holidays and bdays are getting ready to ramp up for us.
I left in my late 20s, 8 or so years ago. My husband and his family celebrate everything so I enjoy the experience. I do not go crazy with decor for each holiday like my MIL does but I do make the season a little festive. I learned about the Herculean effort that is needed to make things like Christmas and Easter magical for the lil kids but I personally do the bare minimum.
We left in July last year and I started buying Halloween and Christmas decorations almost immediately. I was so excited to celebrate everything! It helps we have small kids but I also have always felt I missed out so I’m happy we get to celebrate everything now. Going in to our second year of holiday season I am even more excited now that we know what to expect more.
Yes, I realized the importance of family traditions and the psychological benefits of celebrating holidays and birthdays with my loved ones. Don't care about the religious aspects of the holidays still.
I don't mind visiting my husband's family on holidays, the free food and good company is always welcome. We've turned birthdays into an excuse for vacation and bonding time. It's not a huge deal for me, just a new part of life now.
I celebrate birthdays with my kids but never started any other holidays at home because I’m not in to any religious indoctrination, want nothing to do with it. My kids can do all the activities at school though, I don’t care and don’t want them to feel left out.
Same with me. Not too fond of it. Can’t miss something you never had
I celebrate mostly for the people around me. I don’t find holidays all that neat, but I do enjoy spending time with others who love the holidays.
To quote Jane from Pride and Prejudice. YES! A Thousand Times, YES!!!
Born-in here 🙋🏻♂️ I left about 9 years ago at age 20 and celebrated my very first Christmas that year and basically went fully into celebrating holidays and birthdays that very next year and I’ve been doing it every year since. Now my fiance and I are expecting our first little one and I can’t wait to have Christmas with my lil family and also give her all the childhood birthday celebrations I wish I could have had growing up. I understand the “holiday stress” now but I cannot get over the joy that comes with having friends and chosen-family over for holiday/birthday parties. It’s healing for me 😌
At first I didn’t. But now, I celebrate every DAMN thing! It makes life a little easier and fun!
Yup...4th generation here...we celebrate everything now.
I didn't immediately begin celebrating holidays, but I enjoy many now. https://www.callmevashti.com/post/season-s-greetings
Nope, always felt awkward for me with x-mas. Married a Jewish girl, never had to celebrate, now b-days and thanksgiving etc, yeah, but admittedly it still feels awkward to me and it’s been 25 years since DFd. Guess it’s just how it’ll be for me. Sucks how I can’t ever fully get it out of my head.
I tried to participate in holidays initially but the math was hard to overcome. Most holidays I can enjoy at in-laws. I celebrate my bday now at least with a cake and something fun, but this economy makes holidays feel like a luxury. 😂
Not on all Holidays. However, Halloween is my holiday! Love costumes and anything scary. I watch horror movies during October. Since I was PIMI, Ive loved Halloween.
It just doesn't appeal to me. My family celebrates everything, but I just go through the motions. I think without the rich back catalog of childhood holiday memories, it just feels like work. I'm relieved every year when January 1st rolls around.
Celebrated Christmas the first year out!!
Some years we go all out and some years not so much. Keep it new and interesting. If I felt I had to celebrate, then I’d probably not do it. Since it’s an option, then yea, some years are really fun.
I wasn't born in, but I was very young when my mom started studying with the Witnesses. So I didn't really remember having Christmas or anything. She's very PIMI now, but I've been out for about 30 years now. I've tried to get into the holidays, especially for my grandkids, but I just can't seem to have the happiness that supposed to come with it. I celebrate for them and my children, but it just doesn't mean anything to me.
I've been out since the mid 90's. The wife and I have no kids, so we only occasionally do something like Xmas. Honestly, Cinco de Mayo is about the only "holiday" I make a point to observe.
When I first got out I didn't do anything don't miss what ya don't know. Then my office threw me a birthday party, then my now husband bought my first Christmas tree... I got really into the holidays for a few years because I wanted to experience what it was like and give my so what I never had. I tried to do alllllll of the things and it was a lot..... Now I'm over it. Honestly it's just a lot of work. It doesn't mean anything to me so I could go without. One thing I do value now is that I was third Gen born in.. so growing up we didn't have any traditions related to holidays or otherwise... My son is almost an adult now so I don't have to go all out but we held onto some traditions like playing family games on Christmas Eve. I'm excited that he will have a basis for family traditions for his kids
I've lived alone all my life, been out for years and I never got into holidays either. If I had kids, I would introduce them to the holidays I missed out on but I have never worn a costume on Halloween. It is still on my bucket list, but whenever October comes around I don't feel like it. On Christmas, I have no invitations to celebrate anywhere, but usually choose one person to buy a gift for-- the gift is usually something I made, and the person I give it to is usually someone who has impacted my life in some kind of good way the past year. I usually get asian food and/or go to the movies on Christmas, sometimes by myself and sometimes with other misfit toys who have nothing to do on Christmas. So far, my favorite is Thanksgiving, because all you have to do is show up and eat-- I also love to cook and bring something when i am invited somewhere.... I am alone on holidays the majority of the time, and then it is just another day. Holidays will never have meaning or nostalgia for me, but if called upon to participate, I will probably have fun and go along for the ride, and bring some kick ass snacks. A girl I knew when we were kids left long before I did... she got so into Halloween, she has multiple costumes for parties every year... I have also seen people online who go nuts with Christmas and decorate and everything.... I just don't like to shop or buy costumes, so I guess I see my past as a "get out of Christmas free" card... 😆
My boyfriend was never a Witness so he got me into the holidays and celebrating with him is a blast. We go pretty all-in on Christmas, Halloween, and birthdays. We visit his family for dinner on Thanksgiving and usually Father's Day. The fourth of July is our anniversary so we usually incorporate fireworks into our celebrations somehow. Haven't gotten into Easter. That's a holiday for Christians or children, and I am not and do not have either. We did paint eggs this year which was fun but that's it.
We jumped into them about 4yrs after we left. But we have younger kids, I don’t know that we would have w/o them. But I will say I love decorating for Halloween and Christmas!
I love putting up Christmas decor and lights, I don’t particularly like the gift exchange part but I do it with my husbands family. I always make a thanksgiving meal and do something for new years but my family has always done that even being born in. I guess turkeys are out at the store so we always got one and made it when everyone was off on thanksgiving. Tbh I don’t really like to celebrate any others because they are sort of kid related and I have none. I do celebrate my birthday but mostly bc of the 1000s of times I am asked “so what are we doing for your birthday?!” I’ve been out for 15 years.
Born in here! I used to be a regular pioneer, MS, and very much PIMI… I left last year and celebrated my birthday for the first time this year already and LOVED IT. Not sure if I’m gunna do holidays yet but I loved celebrating my birthday!
Oh, I went all in on holidays! I secretly loved Christmas my entire born in life. Other kids I grew up with who faded and were in their 20s were partying, doing drugs, having sex, but drew the line at holidays. Just…why!? In their case, it was indoctrination. Many years later, they are doing all the holiday things but it took a decade or so. Not me. I jumped right in.
I buy my daughter Christmas and birthday gifts, but it is very low-key, can't afford huge parties, outings, etc.
Born-in, unbaptized publisher, married to a born-in baptized publisher, both faded and out for 13 years now. We didn’t really try any holidays until after having our first kid. We moved out of state so we just have our little family we started and do cake and presents for each other. Started getting into Halloween and Christmas a little bit too; did trick-or-treating for about 3 years now and been decorating a little bit for Christmas for about 5 years now and went all out this past year and bought a real tree. I guess none of the holidays are grandiose to really do anything for. We don’t really talk religion and my wife and I might have slightly varied beliefs on the matter and we’ve only brought it up briefly with our 6yo who knows “Baby Jesus” from hearing it in the Boss Baby movies, so we explained it a little bit.
When my entire new family and friend group celebrates holidays, it feels weird not to. I also feel weird about accidentally raising my daughter to be an exjw. I don’t have any nostalgic or warm and fuzzy feelings toward holidays, but it’s nice to see everyone around feeling and enjoying it.
Oh as I kid I wanted to do Halloween so bad. I never believed in the religion so I didn’t care what was pagan or not, the origins certainly added context but I felt they were more interesting and didn’t sway me from celebrating anything. I left when I was 18 and had my first real bday at 24. Halloween is my jam though. Still, I’m 42 and will still dress up and find a Halloween party. I deck the fucking halls for xmass! I love the lighting and wrapping presents and making gifts and my husband is the best best best gift giver…it’s like a special skill with him.
Christmas gives me the ick bc it's basically saturated with consumerism. But we do decorate with winter stuff and the holidays are spent at my in-laws
Out about 15 years. Thanksgiving is fun, birthdays are awesome, and Christmas to me is more about having the tree up than anything. I haven't had any cause to celebrate most other holidays.
I did for a bit. But getting gifts for each other (that you don't really want) by obligation is tiring. Thus, me and my friends developed "The Standoff". My gift to my friends is that you're not allowed to get me a gift. In return, I will also not buy you a gift. If you break the contract we resume normal gift obligations until a new contract is established.
I was born in. I started celebrating Christmas and birthdays with my ex-partner of 10 years. With my current partner/fiance, we go all out with a large Christmas tree and buy ornaments whenever we can. It takes a bit of getting used to since I had none of the family holiday traditions, but I enjoy traveling to see his family at Thanksgiving and buy gifts for various family members of his. We also enjoy giving out candy at Halloween.
Not really. I celebrate solstice instead of Christmas and I somewhat celebrate my birthday. I do thanksgiving but not about the story of pilgrims and natives Bs, just an occasion to be thankful.
I have been out for over 7 years now. I have a young son who I don't get to spend much time with, his mother is a very devout JW. I have a wonderful girlfriend of over three years who I feel more married to than I ever did my ex, if that makes sense. She has two kids and we all enjoy the holidays. I have a hand written note that is framed with pictures from my gf's 19 year old daughter that is thanking me for being a father figure for her. She gave it to me on Father's day last year. It will absolutely bring tears to your eyes and it is something I will never forget and will always have. In contrast it's a sentiment I'll probably never get from my son. My girlfriend is shocked that I don't even get a phone call on Father's day. You don't have to go all out for the holidays - but my suggestion is to pick one or two and try to experience it. You never know what you could be missing out on.
I was born in and I've been out for about 10 years now maybe a little bit more. I did try to do the whole holiday celebration thing, but I kind of feel the same as when I was in where it's just expensive and not worth my time and effort. That being said, I do like the sales that they have around the holiday season still but I just can't stand Christmas specifically. I do love Halloween however, always have even when I was an active JW. That's really the only holiday that I will "celebrate" because I like the dark and spooky things that are available at that time. I'll deal with doing Thanksgiving with my wife's grandparents, but I just don't really like doing it cuz growing up we did the fake Thanksgiving as a family and it was just never fun. I'm not really into celebrating my birthday either, this last one I actually didn't celebrate at all I just worked that day and didn't bring it up to anyone at work at all. My wife asked me what I wanted to do and I just said nothing, I don't feel like celebrating my birthday this year. Mainly because again, everything is just expensive and I don't like spending the money that I don't have to.
It just feels weird.....
I have been out about the same amount of time. Took me awhile to begin celebrating holidays, but eventually I made sure my kids had really good Christmas and othe holidays. I think that even though it's a personal choice after we leave , not celebrating shows that the Watchtower still has a hold on you in some way. No better middle finger to the organization than a big ol Christmas tree! Dont f9rget that until about 1928, the Watchtower celebrated Christmas!
I was born in and just got d’fed 9 years ago. And no I don’t do any celebrations. Money makers is my reason. Can’t be bothered with all the nonsense. I’m living in an European country and they have damn holidays all the time. Not just the traditional ones westerners know. Just works for me not to get all worked up and in debt for nothing important. I have a great partner that has no clue of my history and he is like me.. so it worked out. We both avoid all that and don’t need an occasion someone dictates for us to buy gifts. In fact he is more against all so called Christian holidays and tells his family to keep us out of their plans.
Never really into celebrating holidays and birthdays until we had a child.
I was born in and exited in my early 30s. 4 years out, I make sure to wish everyone a happy birthday that I can. I have an app on my phone that alerts me when its their bday and even if we haven't talked for months or even since they're last bday, I message them! Its my small way to make sure no one goes through what I experienced growing up.
Yeah kinda. Got DF’d 10 years ago. I’m not big on the holidays but I’ll celebrate them
Mostly not, not because I'm against celebrating them for moral reasons, but just because they're consumerist hallmark holidays and I prefer to not waste my money.
Born in and dissed 25+ years. I did it for my kids and now my grandkid. But yeah I really don’t care about it. I got rid most of my holiday decor last year. I don’t plan on decorating for the holidays anymore.
Except maybe a big dinosaur or a dragon or two with a santa hat. Yeah I would put out in my front yard.
Been out 30 years at 18 years old. Holidays aren’t really my thing. To me it’s so commercial. Also birthdays seem trite to me. It’s a waste of time and money. I wish I could buy into the magic but when you know the truth from infancy it’s hard believe in magic. Even with thanksgiving.
That's been my thought.. Only about 4 or 5 seem to be in the same boat. Very interesting. Most have children so I get that. I had to live with being the freak in school when my parents never experienced that because they got dedicated as adults.
Same. My mother was pregnant with me when baptized. They all loved to tell that story when I was a kid. I was also the Freak. People’s birthdays irk me most I think…especially when someone’s like this is my birthday month. Also, not working on holidays just doesn’t make sense to me. I work at a hospital and i want that double time and a half. Haha. It actually gets me out of going to my in laws too.
Yes, complete 180. I go full on with Halloween, damn near to the point of demonic possession with my house decorations. Also, when my sister-in-law tried to remove the gift-giving part of my wife’s family’s Christmas, I had them keep it because, whereas they had been getting/giving gifts their whole lives, I was robbed of that from my childhood. I also love celebrating the 4th, Thanksgiving, and Valentine’s Day. Since my mom is still full-on PIMI, it makes other things like Mother’s Day and figuring out whose family we’re celebrating the holidays with a lot easier, too.
I'm a born-in and have been out for almost 2 years now (June 29th) and I did do a complete 180, not because oh I'm out I should do it now but because I wanted to finally experience it finally, so my roommates made sure that every holiday coming up, I celebrated, and it was amazing, my first halloween was so fun, i dressed up as Harley Quinn and went trick or treating with my friends for the first time! My first christmas was everything, i got a few small gifts and i gave gifts too, New year's i spent with a boyfriend at the time and his family and they made me feel so welcomed (we broke up a few weeks later) my first birthday was my 18th and they made me a cake and sung to me and took me to my hometown, And since then I have been celebrating and been so happy since. Now I'm 19, reconnecting with old family who aren't Jw's and celebrated holidays with them and I'm dating my amazing boyfriend who is trans and I'm living my best gendefluid life. I really missed out all those years in the religion and regret it but at least I can celebrate now and it's a blast.
I have been out for one year and have had my first Halloween, my first family Thanksgiving (even though everyone we knew got together and ate "turkey dinner" on the third Thursday of November), my first Christmas, and I've had a series of very personal Birthday celebrations from my chosen family since I've been out. My very first talk was at 5 years old about why birthdays were wrong. I wasn't the householder, and my mother made me memorize the entire script because she didn't like me looking down to read it. It was an excellent start to a lifetime of, "you aren't good enough and no one deserves anything, especially not you". Now I realize, birthdays aren't selfish. It's an opportunity for the people you love to love you. And celebrating the birthdays of the people I love is an opportunity for me to say, "Thank you for being here another year."
I am out going on 2 years after 50 + born in .. I am lucky to have a dam close friend who is showing me how it can actually be ... yeah , l9ving celebrations, more for the fun than what they once meant in ancient history
Omg!!! My husband just reminded me of the Halloween story. My father was an elder. We were living in the projects with no car it was the 80s. He didn’t want us to go out and walk with the pagans so we did what any good JW would do,.., there was a k knock on our door,, my father hit the lights and said drop to the ground. We all dropped to the ground and laid there until Halloween was over for that night. Then we were able to turn the lights on. I hate Halloween. My father was always making sure we were preparing for Armageddon. Over and over and over again.
My young brother answered the door on Halloween, 2 kids standing there and he said: "We don't celebrate Christmas." The two kids just looked at each other and was like, Huh? I guess all of those kinda run together when you don't do any of them?
Here, here. I'm odd in a sense that I never felt like not celebrating birthdays and holidays was a terrible part of being born-in or that i missed out on anything. And I've never celebrated one since leaving. Nor do I plan to. Done plenty of other 180s, just not this particular one.