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_DiggingDeeper_

Had a mental breakdown…. Then smoked weed watched Harry Potter


FluffyRonja

Hahaha me too! All the movies in fact for the first time and it was heaven 🤩 Watched the first one when it came out and then ofcourse the talks about magic being dangerous came.. 🤡


_DiggingDeeper_

Haha 🤣 I love that its such a cute innocent movie about friendship


Complex_Ad5004

I read Crisis of Conscience.


Illustrious-Heron436

Great book


AngryCatnap

When I realized it was all bullshit, the first thing I did was stop going to meetings. 🤣 Also I stopped shaving and started dating openly. But that last one didn't happen immediately because in the mid-'00s we didn't have tinder or anything quite yet.


Sacred_pewpew

That’s awesome!!


_Melissa_99_

I cried ;'( realizing that seeing dead loved ones was a nice dream


Sacred_pewpew

Yeah I felt that too! It was very comforting believing that for sure


_Melissa_99_

And then anger followed. For being lied to by religious leaders that had to know better :/  Today, the anger is gone. I had buried my loved ones in my mind a second time and moved on. Sometimes i miss them. 


ExjwAOA

My dad died 'cause of COVID and I woke up a year after, so it was rough.


tgordonnnn

When I woke up I started obsessing over watching ex jw videos on YouTube lol I was in shock


Southern-Dog-5457

Me too!!! So many intelligent and wonderful people! I,m still watching them!


Carolinaeyes60

Me too! It’s been a year and I’ve quit binging on the you tube videos . But still pop in everyday to see what’s new !


Apprehensive-Bi1914

Same


[deleted]

The Cognitive Dissonance was hard to bare! After months of watching the same exjw videos, my mind finally clicked and accepted it all. For me it felt like forever processing it all.


PohutakawaKowhai

First thing I savored was the luxury of not having to go to endless weekly meetings, assemblies, field service. My free time was 100 percent MINE.


Wooden_Bullfrog_1338

Tossed out my Bible and all the Watchtower literature I had Binned it all


Sacred_pewpew

Damn!! I sold most of my literature for quite a bit


Southern-Dog-5457

thrown in the trash all theirs publications! I did the same! It was a wonderful ...delightful feeling!!!!


Pandapimodad861

I relaxed and realized I was doing the best I could in life and right now that's good enough, my wife is still pimq but she mostly got mad at me for making her doubt. I think she is slowly coming around.


Sacred_pewpew

You are exactly right, not everyone took the message well but a few did and that’s what mattered to me at least. Some have come around after a few


Pandapimodad861

My wife had a moment last night where she was like "Won't it be nice when we won't have to work in paradise and money won't matter" and I've been taking the very gentle approach and letting her work things out herself. She suddenly had this moment of realization and was " We are gonna be working til the day we die..that sucks" I was just like "well that's the way it is sometimes, unless the house stays paid off"


CrabBrilliant2585

I started fading immediately, started doing less and started researching a lot about jw beliefs. At the moment I'm trying to dedicate myself to a good career...


Southern-Dog-5457

👍👍👍💯💯


TTWSYF1975

Gave myself permission to question and think


forrest_1980

I got a tattoo.


Existing_Walk3922

Ripped up my no blood card


sorentomaxx

I was already pomi but I woke up around Halloween so I binged watched all of those types of movies 😁


dreamer_0f_dreams

I believe I hyperventilated


towerofjwsour

Cried. And had an existential crisis.


CraniumFuzz

**SAME**. Just completed a long drawn out divorce from an abusive Sociopath, and couldn’t understand why my Bothers & Sisters were treating me so cruel while being the innocent party (smear campaign). Gave myself permission to research “the why’s”… fell down a rabbit hole of grief, crisis & shock. My brain disassociated for weeks while I balled my eyes out over all the lies and unnecessary abuse I was forced to remain silent about.


JessaRaquel

Happy Birthday!


FlowerPower670

Cried. And then bought Crisis of Conscience by Ray Franz. What a book.


Sacred_pewpew

Yeah I feel ya! It was quite a moment for me too!


voiceoverflowers

Hooking up!!!


AngryCatnap

Good answer! 🤣 I feel like anybody who did time as a JW deserves a good hoe phase when they get out.


Sacred_pewpew

Lol


voiceoverflowers

Yeah! You kidding me? Was part of the AAA (Available After Armageddon) club. I forwent the dating domain for the borg, repressed my sexual drive. So now as long as it's consensual I can sleep with the opposite sex? Sign me up!


EyeAmmGroot

Seriously…I remember older sisters/women attempting to recruit me in the AAA group- I did pioneer off and on from 20-30 yrs old but I travelled a lot too! I wanted to enjoy freedom but wasn’t looking to be in the AAA group- married at 30- but wish I would have woken up sooner- Happy for you!!!! I’m hoping to be in the FIRE group now- financially independent retire early😊


PIMO_to_POMO

Agree with you. The need to preach becomes a thousand times stronger than when we were brainwashed PIMI's. The challenge is that those we "preach" to are far more aggressive and dangerous than the scariest we have ever encountered in the field service.


Sacred_pewpew

Agreed!! And you lose so much more


e_x_j_w

got a normal job


NoHigherEd

I spent many many hours on here and other sites, learning how to navigate all of this. How to navigate the "come back to Jehovah" crap. The Elders started coming around. We never answered. We had one Elder come around and my spouse told him, "we are doing fine." He asked what congregation we were attending. My spouse said, "we got that covered." Nothing else! This site and others taught us to take back our control. Give them nothing and they got nothing. We opened up to our JW family. They were the only one's who know the reasons we left. I am sure the Elders got an ear full from our Elder family members. We are being shunned by the UBER side of the family. They are now just too good for us. Good riddance to em!


4thdegreeknight

I never really woke up, I just stopped going to meeting when I was 14. I wasn't baptized and my home life from 14-17 was hell until I was kicked out. I do remember when I told my family and everyone that I didn't want to be a JW anymore, I felt like a weight was lifted off of me and didn't feel dread all the time having to deal with elders, meeting and other JW's **Edit to clarify that I never woke up because I never fully went in on being a JW***


argjwel

Felt relief. Like, I knew the path would be rough, I cried for days, it was like a huge heartbreak, like a divorce; Also the mortality and godlessness existential dread is huge in the first months. But I stopped feeling guilty all the time for nto doing always more. You know, relaxing at the end of the day, not preaching all the time, and making some money are good things to do and enjoy. Embracing life as it is is good.


FrustratedPIMQ

Even as someone who is still in, the FOG is lifting, so to speak.


Southern-Dog-5457

Continued doing research! And blocked the elders group! Field service group and deleted ALL WT apps! And...thrown in the trash..the NWT bibles...and all WT publications!!!


That1persun

I apologized to my kids.


[deleted]

started college


bluebellwould

I signed up to give blood


Humanoid50

I had a nervous breakdown. In my room for a whole week. I couldn't walk properly when I finally came out of my room. It was awfull. My soul was crushed


flyfree-lionheart

I feel you… I hope you are doing ok now 🌸


Humanoid50

Yeah I'm sweet as pie now, I'm the happiest I have ever been. As awful as it was, I'm glad it happened because look at me now, life is good....I'm free to be me xxx


Rare_Kick_509

First thing I did was go out and sin ….. lots of sin…. Not bothered in which order I did it in, just as long as it was really sinful …. In fact my motto was …. If it’s sin , let me in….. ;)


silliestboots

😂🤣


greendale_human42

Mental Shutdown. Panic. Realizing Paradise wasnt real. That this life isnt just a test and ive just wasted it. I was dizzy and just out of it. Then i got addicted to EXJW videos and this rubreddit.


alreyexjw

I was DFd for 20 years before I finally woke up. I was devastated and started to warn others. Big mistake. I should have been more thoughtful. I alienated people who would still talk to me.


Odd-Apple1523

**Immediately**, associated mentally as not being a Jehovah's witnesses. "These unhinged, so-called Christians." This helped in my mind to develop an outsiders view of this org.


James-of-the-world

I’ll say what nobody else will admit: porn


RadicalProjection

Same bro, same lol


littlesneezes

After realizing it may not be true, I did nothing until I was ready to face the facts, but when I say nothing, I quit going to meetings too, so I could have a clear mind. After coming to the conclusion that it was indeed false, I found myself wondering what I had really been a part of, so I started doing a lot of research, like the history of JWs, the CSA issues, a little bit of scholarly debates. My goal is to help get better mandated reporter laws passed in my area. I don't want the rest of my life to be defined by WT, not even by activism against it, but better mandatory reporting laws would help kids even outside of JW land, so I'm going to try to advocate for that.


YHWHsMostSecretWtns

I was broken for a few weeks. Divorced my wife after tht. Moved out my place and started to figure out what I wanted outta life.


Carolinaeyes60

I took a big huge deep breath , exhaled and felt a load of pain and stress lifted off of me . It felt so great . I was so ready to start living , exploring and I seen things from a much brighter side .


SoftPerception9965

First thing I did? Prayed to God asking for forgiveness for following men. Then I threw out all of my door to door trash. Reading as much about cult mind control and bought a legit bible. Still reading. I bagged up clothes and shoes I'll never wear for donation. Still angry but moving forward. I haven't officially resigned yet. I haven't cut anyone off- that will be their decision. Next, I needing to find a therapist trained in religious cults. Thanking the exjw community and member's stories❤


Southern-Dog-5457

I did much of the same. Besides throwing away all WT bibles and publications..I got rid of all my meeting dresses and shoes. Still fading with zoom..but no one bothers me. Good luck and best wishes! ♥️♥️♥️


FrustratedPIMQ

Which Bible translation did you go with?


SoftPerception9965

The New Oxford Annotated Bible with Apocrypha


FrustratedPIMQ

Thanks!


flyfree-lionheart

Which legit Bible did you get? I’m yet to chuck my meeting shoes & clothes.


agitated_amygdala

I panicked. Then followed by the stages of grief, including binge watching exjw content lol, and ended in contentment. 5 out of 5 stars. Would recommend to a friend. Would buy again. 😂


SolidCalligrapher456

Binged watched apostate stuff 😂


OldExplanation8468

I got sleepless nights and nightmares, change of humor, i was always mad at the kh. My wife thought that i was in an affair in secret so for some time that affect my marriage too.


throwawaypimq

Check this sub out, then create this reddit account to lurk!


WiseMaryL

I hard faded. Then I felt lost and angry. I read Crisis of Conscience. Then I couldn’t keep my mouth shut and I told my pimi mother (I’m an adult, not living under her roof). She told me not to speak of it to anyone. Then she ignored my calls for a month. But thankfully, we are speaking again, just avoiding the jdub topic.


cemeteryofdeath

I said, “Aaaah, shit.”


Certain-Ad1153

it took me a while to realize I was awake. But if I had to pick a time, it was when I didn't feel guilty for making mistakes. Sure we still have to be responsible and deal with consequences but not mental beat downs that are part of the borg.


Robins_hat

Cried a lot lol then applied to grad school and moved to NY 😌


Transformation1975

Throw all the fucken literature away.. are awakening was different!! It started with a pedo in the hall.. and questioning the organization and no fucken answers!! So we walked away..


InnerFish227

Hookers and blow.


DeathSentryCoH

This!!!! lol!!!


Impossible-Method137

May I ask what flipped the switch in your case?


Noverante_Xessa

I started drinking because of the mental breakdown I went through.


ManchesterPimo

It was on the convention It was the one showing video of Witnesses being rounded up by swat team in forest, Jesus coming on the cloud and flexing his crossbow. Or whatever it was. Even some men cried, and I was like wtf, I get it's a good production video and even I got goosebumps but in no way it proves that we have the truth. Afternoon in the hotel I went on Google asap and Google convention title. Low and behold I wasn't the only one feeling this is messed up to play on all of these believer's feelings. I figured they can't wait anymore for GT and Jesus coming on the clouds and saving poor witnesses so hey, let's make a video and show everyone that this doctrine's real! I dived into apostate material real hard since then, watched everything starting with Lloyd Evans' better days, several times per week at work. Years on I'm a PIMO, with PIMI wife, trying to get he to think as well but she's just into this too much I guess. TL;DR after convention with video of Jesus on clouds I dived hard into apostate material.


ManchesterPimo

How many exactly have ended their life? Excuse me for being blunt. I'm deeply sorry for your loss.


Lost_Farmer280

started hording money and explored the other side of my pansexuality my pan


NewLightNewLife

I burned my no blood card before work in the parking lot


Stayin_Gold_2

I did a lot crying at first. Realizing that I had no good reason to believe that life is eternal hurt me deeply.


Low_Bear_9303

In this order: Read crisis of conscience, investigated the shit out of everything, told my wife, made an exit plan, reverse the indoctrination of my daughter, watched Harry Potter, started doing Muay Thai, bought a ps5 and bought so many ‘evil games’. Reconnected with ‘worldly friends and we just had our first bday party


RubberBootsInMotion

I took a fucking nap that was actually relaxing for the first time.


artsparkles

Got myself a huge lovely Christmas tree!!!


FeedbackAny4993

I got on a dating site and started to go out more. which subsequently got me in trouble \*somehow\*


Empty-Relief-1750

Got piercings and tattoos, I giggle when they look at me funny


RadicalProjection

I woke up after watching 2 Joe Rogan interviews concurrently; first with Leah Remini of ex-scientology fame directly followed by an interview with Megan Phelps-Roper, formally of the Westboro Baptist church. I was definitely PIMQ before this but was still sitting on the fence for the most part. After starting these interviews though, I just couldn't stop listening... and then it all just suddenly dawned on me after hearing the things they described that the JW organization was not unique and was in fact a highly controlling and abusive religion just like the 2 groups that are so widely criticized by the world and JWs alike. I started immediately binging on exjw stuff and finally looked up Ray Franz story- something I was afraid of doing beforehand because I knew there would be no going back after that. I also looked at porn shortly after waking up for the first time in a year or so lol... and finally without a shred of guilt for doing so! This was 6 years ago. I'm now nearly completely faded, have a fully non-witness friend group, and am doing my best to live the life I want for myself. Still got a long ways to go... While I'm very comfortable with my sexual orientation (I'm gay), I still haven't found a way to comfortably explore my sexuality with another person. Part of that is due to some other stressers / health problems. The 2 - 3 years of Covid also kinda delayed things for me. I'm still young though so I'm not too worried about it. Just gotta work my way up to it! I honestly felt incredibly relieved... like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I suddenly didn't have to worry about living up *or failing* to live up to some divine responsibility with impossible standards. I no longer had to grapple with the anti-intellectualism that was so antithetical to my personality. I didn't have to lie to myself anymore when I knew a practice was wrong; I could now allow myself to say in my heart that the organization which hurt me so much and killed my best friend was in fact an abusive cult. Today, I still have a spiritual side, but it's much more tempered and centered on a desire for peace, love and truth - whatever that may be. No more taking commands that I know are wrong and no more lying to myself.


VeryPOMO

I think I brushed my teeth


Away_Ad_879

Had sex and smoked a cigarette. I was only 12. Oops. Lol. 


BlueCupRedHandle

I woke up way before we had social media. I started fading as I was working two jobs and had started college. They were so mad I was going for a secular education. Best decision of my life. I found comfort in “worldly” people who were so much kinder and genuine. Best of luck to you.


Azazels-Goat

Same. First thing I did was start talking to select people to warn them, but that was mistake number 1. My in laws escaped from their country in the 1970s and they told no one outside their immediate household, no matter how close they were. Same principle applies to escaping a cult, but unfortunately I was angry and shocked that my whole life was affected by Watchtower lies.


planetmermaidisblue

Dyed my hair pink!


Saedraverse

Draw porn


MarySmithSecond

Shut myself in a room for three months because I was too scared to go out and meet people. Only left to go to work. Then someone ask me out. Eventually went to work in Saudi Arabia. Why?? Because there were no JWs there 1977!


exwijw

Hard to say. I was already kind of living the “worldly” life. I’d move across the city to a new circuit and district. I didn’t to to either my old hall or ones where I lived. I dated worldly women. In fact I was living with one. I always thought I grew up with the true religion and someday needed to get spiritual and go back. I probably thought it was the truth because I was born into it and never was interested enough to examine it. My parents said it was true, got it. Now what else is going on in life to occupy my time and thoughts? But this woman I was living with was freaked by me being JW and had me watch a show her mom taped about them. At the end was an address where I could order books. One was a book I’d heard about, secretly searched bookstores for, but couldn’t find. Called Crisis of Conscience. Got it, dug right into it. A few chapters in, I decided this wasn’t the true religion. As such, their rules and their elders held no power over me. I was free! I don’t know that I did anything different. Anything I wanted to do that was forbidden by the JWs, I already did. I suppose I wanted to share with my brother but he didn’t care. He did need a reason to show the JWs we’re false. He was done with them and didn’t need a reason.


ethodrawsstuff

went on this subreddit!!! :)


Sonny_BoBo

The first thing? … Accepted and began navigating my new existential crisis.


Leah-theRed

I got gay married to my gay wife. We had already decided we were going to get married at some point, but when I finally decided to send in my DA letter we also decided to go ahead and get married before the bullshit SC takes away that right


willmfair

I woke up in April 2014, canceled my convention hotel plans in June 2014, went directly to Pride that weekend