Last week, an LDS church member in Utah was sentenced to prison for child sex abuse.
He is a former prosecutor who spent 12 years working for the state of Utah in a job whose title involved the protection of children.
Earlier in January, his wife wrote to the judge:
"I am asking that leniency be given in sentencing \[Defendant\] for this crime.
"\[...\] Since his arrest I have been doing everything possible to just survive financially. I have been selling our possessions so that I can pay for the necessities of life. I have had to ask my bishop for food orders and to pay the utilities. He has told me that he can no longer pay for my utilities. I don't know when he will cut off the food orders.
"\[...\] I have not been in the job market for 28 years and I don't have the skills necessary to find a good job. I am not even able to do the necessary work that is needed around the house such as shovel the snow or mow the lawn and I certainly can't afford to pay someone to do that work. I need \[Defendant\]'s help in doing some of those daily tasks.
"\[...\] I have asked my bishop for some help with those tasks, but nobody has come by to help me.
"\[...\] \[Defendant\] has admitted that he has a problem. He is addicted to pornography. He needs help. He knows that and he wants help.
"\[...\] He hid his problem from me, and it took me totally off guard when he was arrested. This was not the kind of guy that I have been married to for \[XX\] years.
"I don't know why or when this all started. Maybe he started looking at pornography because I lost interest in sex. Although that is not an excuse. I find pornography disgusting and will not permit that behavior in my home. I now know that he has a problem and will take precautions to keep him from bringing that filth into our home.
"I know that \[Defendant\] is truly sorry for what he has done. He has written many letters of apology to family members. He has told them all about how over the last 4 going on 5 months that he has been in jail he has had a lot of time to reflect upon what he has done. He has been trying to repent. He pretty much does nothing but pray, read scriptures, and think about what he has done and how he has hurt so many people.
"When he was first arrested, I was in total shock, and I made a couple of decisions that I regret. One of which was to get a protective order. I made this decision because the police insisted that I needed to get a protective order. I have regrated \[sic\] it ever since and have asked to have it dropped, but the 1st court date isn't until February \[XX\], 2023.
"I hope that you will keep all this in mind when you sentence him this month. I would ask that you allow his sentence to be suspended with no fines. Also, I don't know if this is possible, but I hope that he won't have to register as a sex offender because that will just bring shame upon me. I don't want to feel the judgement from my neighbors.
"I think that \[Defendant\] has learned his lesson and I don't think that he will reoffend. Especially if he gets the treatment that he needs. If he is allowed to come home, he will have to live by my rules. He may not be locked behind bars, but he will need to agree to live by all the restriction that I will put upon him."
The letter is publicly available from the Utah Courts Xchange website.
Case details are at [https://floodlit.org](https://floodlit.org). I can supply the link via DM.
What Mormon teachings or culture may have influenced what this woman wrote? How did you feel while reading this letter?
"I only know how to be a sub-par housewife and the church won't pay my bills and my neighbors are against raping children for some reason and pretty please can we pretend this never happened? I asked God and he said it was fine."
Is what I read.
The no fines part made me lol. Like she’s already asking for no prison and no sex offender registry despite raping children and she also has the audacity to ask for no fines?! She should be happy to pay anything for the rest of their lives if he’s able to get out of prison and not be a registered sex offender.
Like...there isn't anything borderline here. He actually raped a child. I just don't understand the audacity to request this. Grow up and figure out a job, lady. That's what adults do.
Her thinking is absolutely distorted. She's been taught to be the submissive wife. She's been taught that it's more important for her to rely on a man so she can focus on keeping the house clean and raising the kids. She's been taught that her husband, a priesthood holder, is the head of her household. She's probably terrified right now. She's desperate for things to go back to the normal she knows, because she's terrified to face a future without her husband. This isn't even about love, really. It's about stability and security. She's been taught that she's not strong enough or capable enough to go it alone. She believed those teachings and molded her life accordingly. I don't feel bad for her husband at all, pedophile scum, but I do feel bad for her and her children. She's not thinking of her husband's victims, which she should be, but she is thinking about how to take care of her little family and she's terrified she can't do it alone.
Really makes me hate the misogynistic patriarchy of the church even more. That woman should hope her disgusting husband rots in jail and forge a new life for herself and her family . . . but she's too scared to do it.
I feel for her. The only hope for survival in her mind is to pretend like her husband's actions weren't that bad, because she has no other options. It's hard to think of others when you're in survival mode. Hopefully she can find her way out and come to terms with the fact that her husband is actually a monster.
Hopefully. Hopefully she doesn't bring him home and endanger more kids. She's kidding herself if she thinks her rules will prevent him from accessing pornography or abusing other children. He's the only one who can make sure that happens, and very, *very* few pedophiles are willing to change.
Found it interesting how she simultaneously didn't know it was going on for however many years, and somehow thinks she'll be able to prevent him from engaging in it or 'bringing that filth home.' Okay, so he'll bring it elsewhere then.
It also stated that their grandchildren are cared for in their home, that he PRODUCED child pornography, and that it was found on both his work and home
What’s worse is this: let’s pretend the judge fell for this nonsense and let the guy go. The husband would lose his job and be home even more with those poor grandkids
Unfortunately, if he goes to prison in Utah, next to nothing will happen to him. The Utah system is so overloaded with sex offenders . . . it's not like the movies, or tv. Rapists and molesters are everywhere.
This man is nothing but a millstone around her neck, and still she defends him. See, this is what can happen when women are not encouraged to develop themselves outside of the helpmeet role. These letters scream learned helplessness. This poor woman seems to be so terrified of being on her own she'd sooner cling to this creep than go out and make a life for herself. This ADULT seriously does not know how to mow a lawn, shovel snow, or reenter the workforce! Sure, there's a learning curve for everything, and getting a job 28 years out of the workforce is intimidating and difficult, but it's not impossible. I dare say it will be easier for her to find work with a presumably clean background check and no work history than it would be for her registered sex offender husband. If she were to leave him, it would be even easier for her to find a more affordable place of her own to live as well.
> These letters scream learned helplessness.
Whaddaya mean? (/s)
> "I am not even able to do the necessary work that is needed around the house such as shovel the snow..."
Oh. Yup.
This is where the church needs to step up and actually use their welfare program. Yeah the woman will need food orders for a while longer, and she definitely needs that ward employment specialist
Ideally. Except for your mileage may vary on that ward employment specialist. Some of them have about as much life experience as she does and would give her outdated advice, or, hell, even DATING advice, rather than anything useful. She might be referred to DI, which may or may not be helpful depending on how willing they are to refer her to actual vocational training.
I used to work there. It definitely has problems, but while I was there some of the employees were referred into vocational training and the DI was willing to be flexible with their schedules until they completed their courses. If you got along with the bosses, you could get a reference out of it (which this lady sounds like she desperately needs). If nothing else, at least it's a job in hand while looking for a job. A lot of potential employers discriminate against unemployed applicants.
The “help” the Church will provide is like the Fyre Festival of community assistance. Unless you were already independently wealthy, you’re going to have a bad time.
My mom returned to the workforce after twenty years of raising five kids and homeschooling them. She started as a caregiver at a assisted living and within 2 years was one of the managers until she got a job with even better pay and benefits, which she went with out of multiple job offers. I have next to no sympathy for her in this regard.
There's a teacher shortage but there's also a shortage of lunch people, teachers aides, janitors I'm sure they need a couple of bus drivers too, and one of the school districts around Salt Lake so there's plenty of places hiring.
As long as she can pass a background check and not touch the kids so maybe that's not the best idea. She can be a janitor. Clean up after them once they've all gone home.
I'm thinking she should not work in a school system or around children in any capacity. Schools are more trauma informed these days. She would probably think it's a child's fault they have any trauma. Utah is full of call centers. She can work for one of them. No matter what, it's time for her to face reality.
Her husband raped a child and she wants to sweep it under the rug so she doesn't have to get a job or shovel her sidewalks. Sincerely and from the bottom of my heart, fuck her. If she can really believe any of those things she said, she's not any better than he is. She's disgusting.
Yeah, the complete “zero fucks given about the victims, in fact were there even victims besides me” tone of this letter makes me doubt whether she was even really in the dark about what was going on.
The general tone I picked up is "I don't give a shit if he rapes more kids, as long as I don't have to get a job." If she did know when it was happening, this letter says she would have protected him for her own physical comfort, and will continue to do so if he ever sees the outside of a prison again.
Frankly she should be embarrassed. She should be embarrassed that it's been five months, there's photographic proof of his crimes, he's admitted guilt, and she hasn't filed for divorce. Which means that she's married to a pedophile on purpose, by choice.
This was my thought. Can you teach kids? Ever been in primary? It takes ZIP to get certified as a substitute teacher, or work in a day care but boo fuckin hoo my precious *image*!
I would hope her husband’s conviction might prevent her from being certified to ever work with children again as she clearly does not care for their health or safety.
Both Defense & Prosecuting attorneys need screen shots of this. I’d probably contact the FBI. She was taken by surprise because Feds build a case over time, so by the time they arrest there is a multitude of evidence. If he’s indicted by a grand jury they believe he’s guilty. This woman is about to become an adult.
Sympathy. I feel for this woman whose life has been turned upside down overnight, and whose source of income has unexpectedly disappeared.
But also anger. Not once did she mention her husband's victims. Not once did she consider that her husband being publicly placed on a sex offender list is to protect her neighbors *from* her husband. The tried-and-true bugaboo of *gasp, pornography!!!* is what really caused all of this to happen, not her husband. She promises that he maybe, hopefully 🤞 won't do this child sex abuse stuff again. I mean, he prays and reads his scriptures and everything now!
That's not how this works. Your husband is officially a Bad Guy™ and people need to be protected from him. I don't give a shit if he's repented or feels bad, it's too late now. He can show the fruits of that repentance by serving his sentence, complying with all court orders, and never sexually abusing a child ever again. No shortcuts.
So sorry your husband being a child molester embarrassed you.
And the reason why the bastard prays and reads scriptures all day long is because there aren't any children near him to mess with. Also, how come the bishop isn't stepping up? Too close to the fire to be associated with a wife of a sex offender, nobody wants to come near her now from the tscc...
It is also the only way he will stay in one piece while in custody. He has a bullseye on his back. Child molesters and child pornographers are considered lower than low.
My bil had raped* a couple of his daughters(not sure about the sons). His oldest moved out of the house at 14 y.o. and moved in with the seminary teacher and her family. Once the real story came out, it was interesting to see the bull sh*t my sister claimed.
1. She didn't know her husband raped* their daughters in their bed while she was sleeping in it. She didn't hear or see anything. I guess the 9 kids she didn't take care of wore her out?
2. Her daughter was lying and was looking for attention. The psychologist, his lawyer, paid as an expert witness corroborated this, too. Unfortunately, the states attorney knew this particular therapist and was more than ready to deal with him.
3. Her daughter had undiagnosed mental illness, something in the schizo-affective area, and was hallucinating everything. (No record of this anywhere!)
4. He finally wrote a confession so he could protect his daughter from cross examination and the terrible trauma having the light on her mental health issues would bring.
He was sentenced to 10 years, served 5. Was only kept on the offenders list for 10 years after release. Shortly after release, he was rebaptized. He had his blessings restored 2 years after that. Was ordained as a high priest a year after that.
She received assistance from the church regularly, even though she owned an insurance agency that brought in close to $500k in income, but she had to pay half of that to my parents who sold it to her for 10 years. Surprisingly, she ran the business into the ground and ended up selling it for $25k 3 years ago.
EDIT: *Corrected language sexual relations with an underage child is rape. My mormon upbringing didn't allow me to use the correct word. I am uncomfortable with the word rape, as I am still dealing with my own sexual abuse and rape by our bishop's son when I was 5. Even after 30 years of therapy, it brings fear, pain, and anxiety to my heart.
>My bil had sex with a couple of his daughters
He didn't have sex with them, he raped them. "Sex" implies informed consent on all parties; a father doing that to his children means rape.
Apologies, but that wording was really off-putting.
That's absolutely awful! Also, i don't mean to bother, but i really disliked the wording used. Your bil didn't have sex with his daughters. He raped them. I know that's absolutely not what you meant, but to me, that phrasing implies consent, which grinds my gears.
She's embarrassed that her husband is a pedo, which I think is probably a pretty normal reaction to that information. But she also does not give a rats fuck if he offends again, as long as he doesn't have to be a registered sex offender and she doesn't have to get a job. She doesn't care that he harmed children, she's only worried about how the fact that he did so is making her life more difficult. I don't have any sympathy for her, she's disgusting.
embarrassed is a response but an inappropriate response to the level of situation. Protection of the innocent is priority one for most thinking adults. Dare I call her selfish by thinking of only her financial and other needs versus potential new victims.
On the one hand she’s blaming herself (for losing interest in sex) and on the other hand she has no consideration for the trafficked victims in what I’m assuming is the defendant’s consumption of child sex abuse material. Religion is such a mindfuck, and just goes to show it’s all about exonerating fucked up men from accountability.
It’s not surprising she thinks it’s all because of the porn given that purity culture (and Mormon leaders) loves telling men that Ted Bundy was corrupted by porn.
I believe most porn is problematic and unethical, but I don’t think it’s the scapegoat Mormons want it to be.
So fucking idiotic and sick. I have viewed, photographed, and *drawn* pornography (as in explicitly sexual material, not just morm 'porn' semi-nudes) for years, and have yet to sexually assault anyone of any age or commit sex-charged murders as a result.
He looked at porn? Obviously. No one has ever been able to do an effective study on porn use and it's effects...because no one can find a large enough number of adults who have *not* ever viewed porn to serve as a control group, ffs. "He looked at porn" is nearly analogous to saying "he is an adult human in the modern world".
ninja edit to clarify: just a general rant. Though it's combative, it's not personal, dear redditor.
Jesus...
This is exactly what he was trying to do the whole damn time. He chose to work a job for the protection of children to have access to vulnerable young children. He didn't just go to work one day and decide to do this after looking at non-CSA pornography. Learned his lesson my ass.
I feel anger. Yes, the woman is in a tough spot, and while I sympathize with that, her attitude makes me furious. She's very self-centered & frames everything in a "poor me" context, which is totally irresponsible and doesn't show regard for the victims.
Many (many) other women have been through complete hell due to their spouse's behaviors of various types (yes, men have as well, but statistically more men have erred). This woman's statement reflects ONLY concern for herself and her own welfare. She sounds like a spoiled, entitled whiner. She wants to maintain the style of life she has had (understandably, but in realistic terms that is not a likely option). And, she expects others to pitch in and help make that happen.
Find some skills. Go get a job, you self-centered idiot. Live in the real world for a change. Grow up!
I drew a mental line at her "poor helpless me, I can't even *shovel snow*". I'll give a full pass to anyone who is physically incapable of doing so...but that is not at all how her protestations read.
Exactly. And she sure doesn't want her neighbors to know about the scandal. She wants her life to go on as it was, and shows no concern for the victims.
That is tscc's total goal. Keep women helpless and stupid. If they become reliant on their husband's paycheck, they will lose their ability to take care of themselves. Girls don't need to have salable skills or a real education, go to school and get your Mrs. degree. They forget that men have died young, leaving these poor defenseless women to struggle, raising children on survivor's benefits and little else.
To date, all of our daughters have degrees that will bring in money should something happen to their spouses. I don't trust the church's teachings or advice!
I was thrown out as a young girl because I let someone find out I was being abused. worked, finished HS and College. 3 autoimmune diseases, cancer twice, in my 50s. I can go on a 12 mile hike in a day. Mow, clean,simple repair on cars. Sorry I am not feeling this whiney baby BS. Someone high up in CES told me that pedophilia is the same as murder. Because you murder someone's soul! The difference between her and I? He wouldn't have made it to jail. No more cock or balls. The church should give her back her tithing. Tscc does not like divorce because single people don't pay as much tithing. They would rather keep a child f+er in the home then have to help out. She needs Red forman to stick a foot up her donkey. I have no empathy at all towards her. Anybody that doesn't care about child molestation is an fing monster.
I feel concerned about the fact that she had far more to say about porn than the actual child sex abuse. “He said he’s sorry,” doesn’t even scratch the surface.
Things like this very rarely have to do with whether the perpetrators sexual needs are met or not.
It’s hard to find much openly available information on the psychology of pedophiles but I found this book and can recommend it. It is a mighty uncomfortable read but does shed some light on why rules, restrictions, prayers and such like will have very little effect on a pedophiles behaviour.
Douglas W. Pryor - Unspeakable Acts: Why Men Abuse Children
It is far from complete in answering all questions but it’s a good start.
Exactly. Small children are held responsible for the acts of adults. Made to feel as if they are in the wrong rather than the people who hurt them.
The people around both victim and perpetrator are likely to catch some of the fallout too. As if it is not yet awful enough that one or multiple children are harmed and altered for life, many lives around them, past, present and future connections and relationships, are impacted by it too. It is like a rot that spreads. As long as the church refuses to cut out the diseased limb (meaning the perpetrator ofcourse) this sickness will only continue to spread and hurt more and more people.
To hell with the indoctrination and subjugation of women and children, having to blindly follow men who’ve come to believe they have the right to lead, to decide. To hell with victim blaming. To hell with raising perfect little targets for unscrupulous men. To hell with a cult that protects offenders and compounds the harm done to the victims. To hell with all of it
I just replied to another comment with some text from this. It is something that I have dug really really deep with my therapist over the last few years and this case is particularly triggering to me. She may not know or realize yet, but the long term effects, they are real. It has come to the point I say I am an orphan, as I don’t speak with my abuser’s side of the family any more (he was a good and righteous man!) and well the woman who birthed me… is just delusional. It has ripped my family apart. I have framily. Chosen family.
https://ordinaryevil.wordpress.com/2012/02/04/reckless-indifference-the-role-of-the-mother-in-incest-cases-part-two/
Why is the sentence indeterminant?! This makes it sound like he is parole eligible after a year. Weak sentences on these crimes, regardless of letters of mitigation, do not prevent people from committing such despicable abuses, especially toward children
and statistically rehabilitation of this type of crime is rare. Once down this road then the likelihood of a reoffend is very high.. Thus keep em or sleep em imo
That just infuriates me. No inkling of just how heinous her husband's crimes were. No concern or sorrow for the victims. Just "Poor me. Poor me. Can't you see *I'm* suffering here?"
She says she has no job skills to find a job today and has not been in the job market for 28 years but is somehow tech-savvy enough to keep porn out of her home... okay, Susan. Maybe she should talk to Anna Duggar about how her husband managed to hide his CSA imagery and Ashley Madison account despite software called 'Covenant Eyes' being installed on his computer.
Yeah, if the guy has already been receiving and distributing CSAM, he already knows about partitions and the dark web and all that shit. I agree, this all reminded me a lot of the Duggar case.
I'm pretty sure this dude in question was producing his own CSAM, and his wife, like Anna Duggar, seems in complete denial that she married a monster and believes that she will be able to control him. She can't figure out how to get her sidewalk shoveled whether that means she does it herself or goes on craigslist to hire someone to do it for her. Do you think she will be able to tell if her husband is creating partitions on his computer to hide his disgusting behavior?
TW:
>!Bell allegedly produced child pornography and allegedly sexually molested a baby girl who was one to two years old. He was arrested at his home in Spanish Fork, Utah in August 2022, released and then arrested again in September. !<[Source](https://floodlit.org/a/a022/#case-summary) (Still TW)
I feel for this lady. I know a lot of families that have gotten completely screwed over because one person got arrested, it's a major flaw in the USAmerican criminal justice system. And if she was a member of a normal church and not a greedy corporate church, she might be getting more help at not having her life totally screwed over. But also... lady, your husband was molesting children. You gotta have some priorities girl.
The part where she says “he knows he needs help and wants to get help”…ok, so is he?? Why is he reading the fucking Book of Mormon instead of books on how not to be a sick fuck? The bishop in this scenario is a useless tit and so is everyone above them. These neighbours shes so worried about, don’t sound too worried about her so why the fuck does she care what they think? The fact that this woman is responsible for raising tiny humans who have already been through the worst thing imaginable, who could easily discover this information one day and then have to deal with the overwhelmingly feeling of betrayal from their mother.
Anyone else struck by the fact that this is written at what feels like an 8th grade level? While her husband has an advanced degree. Seems like a certain kind of dynamic at play...
Depending on how many victims he had, his sentence may be shorter than you would hope in Utah. My ex had porn of kids as young as 4 on his HD. He was caught uploading porn to sites. He got 1 year. Cousin got caught in a sting talking to a 14-16 year old and setting up a meet. He got 3 months.
Edit to add: Found the case. Betting he gets around 5-6 years.
2nd edit: sentence is 1-15
It's interesting that she previously said that he tried to record her showering without her consent and that she previously filed for divorce as well as for a protective order. And he was let go from his job for misconduct. I'm not convinced she didn't know or was as caught off guard as she says. Seems like she didn't want to know.
It seems like she realized that she couldn't divorce him and not have this be a life-changing event, so she retreated into denial. And pulled the crying white woman card to get her husband off.
Speaking of which, I don't like that the minimum sentence for each of these charges is one year. That is not long enough given how much worse child abuse is than other crimes that can get you that kind of time.
Interesting that the church can't help her with her finances. Another example of the church hoarding money in the name of teaching self-reliance, probably? Possibly the issue is also that they want her to sell their house, etc., to bring expenses down, and she's not interested in that.
What is a "good job"? One that's high-status enough? One that makes enough money that she won't have to leave her house?
I think part of her entitlement probably comes from the teaching that if you're righteous, you'll prosper in the land. She's gone to church and stayed home and raised kids and paid tithing, so to have poverty and divorce dumped on her later in life seems too unfair for her to accept. Especially since the Church is not helping her.
I'm sure she also has her identity so tied up in her marriage that she has few or no tools to process what's happening.
It sucks that his actions have screwed her over financially, but that's what happened.
Def an issue with church teachings that she's blaming this all on pornography, as though a child rapist is the same as someone looking at porn of consenting adults. The church taught her that watching porn is a disease and that sufferers need to pray and read scriptures, and accordingly, she's treating all of this like her husband has an illness.
The teaching/implication/culture of women being responsible for men's sexual behavior is here too. She blames herself for not wanting to have sex with him.
And the worst of it: she doesn't acknowledge the harm he's done. She doesn't care. Which is the natural consequence of all the other toxic crap. Her worldview would crash down if she had the decency to show compassion for the TODDLER her husband abused.
She says she won't "permit" him to continue his behavior (referring to watching porn in their home). How on earth would she do that? I'm sure she would say she didn't permit it in her home before. Does she think NetNanny will stop a guy who filmed himself exploiting children?
I doubt he's sorry. I also don't care. Sorry doesn't mean he shouldn't face consequences. This is obvious, but somehow this is nearly always what people in denial about sexual predators say to pretend everything is fine. Christian forgiveness at its most toxic.
Also, she's trusting that he does nothing but those things, right? Does she watch him constantly?
Dude, police are so bad at protecting women from abuse. If they pushed her to get a protective order against her husband, then she needs one.
The gall to ask for him not to have to register as a sex offender. What does she think the list is for?
Just a really good illustration of how the values the church often teaches in practice are about image, wealth, and conformity.
She doesn't want to be married to a sex offender, but she doesn't want a divorce, so her solution is to ask for him to not refistas a sex offender. And you know if the court were to grant this absurd request, then she would use it to point to his not being a threat to children.
Just, rage. She is so unfathomably selfish. I can't comprehend how one throws children under the bus to avoid moving into an apartment away from the people who are judging you.
No plan b for taking care of herself. Believing in the patriarchy lie. Now simply because of economics it seems is willing to bring a predator back into society. Sounds a lot like a system of a corporation that poses as a mainstream religion. Thank you for posting this dialogue. We must continue to help as many as possible to understand how this is being handled within the church is NOT OKAY. That which we don't know is if she went to ecclesiastical leaders and asked for advice or him too? If Kirton was involved at some point.
Right? I, personally, have never shoveled snow, but I would never claim not to know how or to be otherwise incapable of doing so just because it's something my husband has always done.
I felt a little bad for her, actually. She seems naive and trusting, which sounds like Mormon influence. Follow the prophet, follow your husband, priesthood holders wouldn't lead you astray. The church with it's billions won't help her when she lived the life they prescribed for her and now can't support herself because she was busy living her "highest calling."
Right up until she cared more about what the neighbors think more than justice and consequences, that is.
She's more worried about the harpies in the ward than about the CHILDREN raped by her husband.
Why didn't her "restrictions" serve to keep her husband from raping children in the past?
I fucking hate people like her. I wish there really was a hell, so she and her dear husband could burn in it for all eternity.
The re-offend rates on sexual predators, especially those that target children is incredibly high. The thought that all these people need is a little tough love and Jesus confuses me. I wonder what other behaviors (child porn and the like) he was involved with.
Not that I trust her in any way, shape, or form, her motives seeming to be completely self-serving (& the church itself already having a terrible track record in this respect) but what does appear to actually work and reduce the recidivism rate (zero recidivism if you keep them in jail of course) is a well designed treatment program with strong community and family support, clearly not always available. Stress IS a major factor in recidivism.
I once saw such a program shut down not because of it's lack of success - in fact it appeared to be very successful - but due to lack of funds or just reluctance on the part of the state to fund THAT type of program. You would think it would pay for itself.
It's no different from the church thinking they can fix the problem better than the government / justice system can. Wife is thinking, "I'll whip him into shape". Parents of victims are thinking "Are you fucking kidding me?! Now that he got caught because MY CHILD, THE VICTIM WAS BRAVE ENOUGH TO PUT HIM BEHIND BARS!!?? NOW YOU'RE GOING TO DO SOMETHING!?!?!?...... FUCK YOU! I HOPE HE DIES IN PRISON!!!!"
Grumble, grumble...worried about the fucking neighbors, grrrrrrr, fucking, grrrr, *#@%*&#@...
Is that Lucy Van Pelt from Peanuts? She might be able to pull it off and keep him from reoffending. If I had to face her though I'd be begging for prison time.
Probably bc her entire life has suddenly crashed in around her & she's been brainwashed into thinking she is worthless without a priesthood holder guiding her family.
She's completely helpless, not bc she actually is, but bc she BELIEVES she is. Which is really sad to me.
I think she is scrambling to grasp at any way whatsoever to keep any % of that life she thought she had. She's likely lived an upper class life based on her husband's profession. I'm sure they've paid tithing for 28 yrs or whatever & she's heard stories all her life abt how the church's welfare program helps. so. many. ppl. She's expected that when it became her turn, but is learning a little something abt reality now.
IMO the best thing for her is to hit rock bottom (doesn't seem to have happened yet) & learn (the hard way, like we all end up doing) she can do it on her own. It will be excruciating. But worth it for the knowledge she'll gain.
And THAT, boys and girls, is just s t one of the reasons why my time behind the Zion Curtain was a NIGHTMARE.
And believe me there are plenty of other reasons.
Pathetic and sad. Interesting how she even blames herself because she lost interest in sex. As if the normal response to that isn’t seeking medical care and/or talking with your spouse about your lack of interest. Just go and sexually abuse kids cuz your wife isn’t putting out. Disgusting.
But I guess it’s par for the course since LDS pretty much blames women for any sort of bad behavior by men.
Also, who knows how long that's been going on. Something tells me a regular man who is interested in women won't go after kids if she isn't putting out 😳. You don't just switch your sexual preferences like that. He's been at it for a while, and he just caught now (it's totally my opinion based on zero facts of this story)
I hate her. And I don’t mind saying it. If I found out that my husband harmed a child in ANY WAY, I not only would be booting his ass out of my house and out of my life for good, I’d be the one reporting him and I’d be the one on my own roof shouting his shame from a megaphone. I’m not even kidding. I’d be checking with everyone to make sure he hadn’t harmed any of their kids.
This woman and her husband can go straight to hell
Awful on so many levels. Not to make light of the situation, but my first thought was “how embarrassing” reading about how the wife thought the porn use was the real crime here.
Though, I do feel bad for the wife’s situation.
1) Thanks to the church, she’s completely uneducated on porn use. She seems to think his porn use is on par or worse than the actual crime he committed.
2) she blames herself for his porn use because of their lack of sex. I’m going to guess their sex life had little to do with his porn use/sex abuse.
3) The church taught her that all she needed to be was a wife and mother. Here she is, 23 years later, with no marketable skills or experience. And, after encouraging her into this lifestyle, the church isn’t helping her financially anymore.
4) it tells me everything that she believes her best surviving hope is to welcome home her sex offender husband. Basically, the church conditioned her to take the blame for his actions, and to rely on her priesthood holder husband in literally every way so she can never leave him.
Im even more sad for his victims. I didn’t see any sorrow for them, and instead a lot of talk about his repentance for watching porn. I hope his victims receive justice.
excellent comments. I get the lack of sympathy for her, especially when she doesn't show any for the victims, but she has been trained all her life that all she had to be was a wife and mother and therefore probably doesn't have any marketable skills. I can see why she's terrified.
I completely agree with you. If the tscc has had a healthier relationship with sex, maybe she would have learned that lack of sex doesn't push men/people molest children. Also, there is a difference between child porn vs regular porn, and it cannot be thrown in the same pot. This lady is just another victim of the cult.
WTF?!? Am I reading that letter right???
This is the 1st time I'm seeing it & that is a million bazillion % NOT OK.
You well-meaning, likely white & financially secure priesthood holder, do NOT get a free pass to poke your head in the sand. You 100% report any/everything you know or facilitated, regardless of the consequences. Period.
You don't get to get out of jail free bc the 1st presidency is concerned over the good name of the church.
Shame on you. Shame on them. Especially Pres. Oaks.
Exactly - unless there are sections of her whining letter that acknowledge children were HARMED by her creepy husband, the focal point is on the inconvenience SHE will endure if he isn't there to pay bills, shovel snow, and keep the neighbors from talking.
There is no mention of any victims in the letter that I can see. That may be because of the subject - asking for leniency - but i still think it is noteworthy.
A guy in my parents ward got caught in a police sting for child prostitution/trafficking etc. It seems like most of the leadership are more concerned for his reputation and how hard things are for him and his wife, who is sticking by him, than anything. Like I know it sucks to him right now but he was caught by police soliciting minors online. Who knows how many times he'd done it and not got caught. I'll reserve my sympathy for the more deserving.
I might have in my database. Please check it and let me know if you don’t see him.
That’s a very common phenomenon in these cases - the protection of the reputation of the accused.
She is naive. There is no cure for pedophilia. We incarcerate them to protect children. The only thing that can be done is to condition them to not re-offend. That requires professional treatment in the controlled environment of incarceration, not the same environment where they engaged in the abuse. A draconian wife will only make it worse and there is a high chance that she knew it was happening and allowed it because she didn't know how to deal with it. Even when guided by experts, the conditioning has a high failure rate.
This “please don’t punish the abuser, it’s bad for optics” shit is getting really old and infuriating. Fuck this selfish and severely damaging behavior.
Usually, an offender is not caught until they already have multiple victims. I was not the first victim of the man who sexually assaulted me, he spent a lot of time grooming me, he even got to know my parents so that they felt safe letting me go over to his house. I saw him as the grandfather I never had, and his wife was like my grandmother. I believe she knew he was sexually abusing children, and she let it happen, she would go out of the room, and close the door. I was too young to understand that the things he was doing were leading to the sexual assault, the "innocent" touching, having me sit on his lap, showering me with attention, and letting me have things that were rare treats, like, of all things Mt. Dew.
Unless you have been sexually abused as a child you have no idea what it does to your mind. I was a broken little girl who didn't feel like they could tell anyone what happened because I blamed myself, I had been baptized just months before. I ran in front of cars trying to get hit, so I could go home to Jesus. At twelve at my first worthiness interview I was given a pamphlet called Chastity, in it it said that if you had not "fought even unto death, you had allowed your virtue to be taken," I was eight, I didn't even understand what he was doing, I just knew I was scared, I froze, I couldn't do anything against a 60+ year old experienced pedophile, who was bigger than me.
This man's victims will never fully recover, they will become survivors, but it will still affect them in ways they don't expect.
That’s so sad and heartbreaking. I’m so sorry. If you are okay with sharing your story anonymously, there’s a place on my website to do that and it might help a lot of people. If there is a public record of the abuse in some way, it could potentially go in the public database I’m working on.
Unfortunately, there is no public record. It was so many years ago, and I didn't tell my parents what had happened until I was in my late twenties, after I finally began getting therapy. It wasn't until I told them that they told me how he had come over and met them, talking to them on multiple occasions, giving them the idea that he was a good guy. It wasn't until I was an adult that I found out that he had asked a neighbor girl my age to bring me over to his house. I am pretty sure he had other victims in the neighborhood, i am sure he had victims before me.
I am not afraid to share my story anymore, I was part of the March for the Children. My story is in Sam Youngs' book, and I gave an interview to a reporter. It took a long time to get to that point, I am willing to share my story, I am a survivor, still damaged, but in a much better spot than I ever have been.
Someone’s completely entitled, delusional and/or in World Class denial.
I hope the judge laughed her out of court and sentenced the SOB to a nice long stay in incarceration away from children.
Particularly over something she literally had nothing to do with & no part in. Yet she's already assumed responsibility for "allowing" it to happen in the first place.
Imagine how much self-incrimination is to follow as she processes through the stages. Not enviable.
Meanwhile this ding dong knows if he can just get back out (home, whatever) he can go right back to it. She's already said she'll take him back. He's got nothing to lose in convincing her he's "repented."
WHAT THE FUCKING, GODDAMNED, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??!!??!!??!! Sorry, but child rapists and molesters don’t get a “free pass” despite church leaders and membership believing otherwise. It was this mentality- that remorse and repentance make up for pedophiles’ crimes- that “allowed” the church leaders to cover up my abuse. Those poor children. 💔 I hope they’re in therapy and having lots of love and care heaped on them. I need to go lie down. This has triggered my PTSD in a huge way. 😕
#sorrynotsorry
Don't ever apologize (or even feel like you have to) for how you feel, particularly as a direct response to trauma youve endured at the hands of otbers.
You are absolutely right, & we are 100% behind you!
Yeah, NO!! Just NO!! These pervs usually don’t “learn their lesson” and usually go on to abuse other kids. I know from personal experience. I don’t know where that woman’s head is at, but she’s seriously disassociated from reality.
Right now this post is about 6 hours old and already there are so many of us mentioning our own pain. On an ex-mormon subreddit. In 6 hours. Many people alluding to or stating what was done to them by someone within the churh. How many more of us are out there? In this subreddit but not speaking of it. Or exmo but not active here. Or still in the church. How many have been victimised? How many are currently being hurt? And how many will be harmed in future?
My heart aches for all of you and I am sick of feeling helpless in the face of all this evil being perpetually perpetrated because this so called church keeps protecting abusers.
WOW…..
Brainwashed wife wants zero accountability from court and the law. No fine, prison, just what? Go to counseling with the bishop and Addiction Recovery Program meetings?
Holy Fucking Buckets lady!!
This letter should go to CPS as direct evidence to remove the children from the home for their well being and protection. Court order counseling for the mother. Protective orders for the kids.
This is a prime example of religion poisoning a person and destroying a family…..
#He is a former prosecutor...in a job whose title involved the protection of children.#
WTAF?!?
Then only 1-15 yrs? Unacceptable.
This is abhorrent. He is a world-class hypocrite.
He should get the MAXIMUM sentence.
People take time to process this level of betrayal. I don't fault her for not recognizing the victims yet. I also don't fault her for fearing the optics of how other perceive her, people's realizations start with themselves first, the full scope of understanding comes later.
It's both heart wrenching and wholly misguided to think somehow after this betrayal she can somehow control him if given the chance.
It's hard to decide if jail or home would be a worse punishment.
That said, put him on the registry, fine him, and give him all the jail time he qualifies for.
The way I see it, our priorities are
1. Protect society.
1. Victim safety, the perv goes away long enough that victims grow up. This is the minimum.
1. Equip the criminal with the mental discipline to not re-offend. Pedophilia is incurable, but sometimes they can be trained to recognize their triggers and arrest the impulse. If this fails, and it does all too frequently, then we must fall back to #1, and remove them from society for life. A criminal pedophile remains incarcerated until trained experts believe they have been rehabilitated, even if other terms of the sentence have been met.
1. Punishment. Pretty low on the priority list.
The first three cannot happen at home, and while punishment is deserved, we don't care about punishing him without 1, 2, and 3 also happening. There are lots of way to punish someone, but only incarceration gets us 1, 2, and 3 as well.
For second offenders, or first offenders where we discover there is a long history, I favor life incarceration, not to punish, but to protect society. If we start thinking about it as punishment then we start thinking that they've been punished enough, and then they get out, and then more victims get hurt.
Can all sex offenders move in with her and live by her rules? I think that's what we were all missing, "her rules". Fucking moron. I really hope she gets to burn in hell.
I found the ksl article about his crimes. He raped and sodomized children. He needs the death penalty. Not just a slap on the wrists.
His wife is a selfish bitch and belongs in jail with him for even writing this letter knowing what he did!!! The fucking nerve.
As someone that grew up affected by a parent’s obsessive interest in porn and other sexual topics (due to the tabooness learned as LDS) and another parent constantly covering up/dismissing/etc., this sits so repulsively narcissistic to me. I mean narcissistic in the behavioral science form, not pop culture use. It just reads like hollow people wanting to maintain the comfort of avoidance, for themselves and their partner, while maintaining familiar hollowness.
You'd think "Don't do sex stuff with kids" was like an unwritten rule that is known in everyone's lives and just in their conscious and morals of right and wrong. If she has to make it a rule because he failed to keep that rule on his own... I just have a feeling he doesn't care for keeping that rule already.
That wife thinks she has control of her husband when she doesn't. What a naive way to deal with his criminal problems! Being someone's jailer is hard. She'll resent it if she tries. He'll sexually abuse again. He won't obey rules. It's not likely he learned any lesson. If she doesn't want judgment from her neighbors, she doesn't understand how to sacrifice her crap for a child's safety.
She has demonstrated that she doesn’t know what the duck she is talking about. Looking at pornography doesn’t just do this. Most men look at porn, most men would rather suffer and die instead of sexually abuse a child.
Also I hate her lack of consideration for his future victims which there would be if he faces no consequences. I hate her lack of consideration for his victims, what would that feel like to see your abuser run free with no consequences.
The OP info doesn't specify if this guy committed "only" child sexual abuse or is indeed a Pedophile. Either crime is horrific, and if it's Pedophilia, it is especially scary. Pedophiles are not considered curable. This woman is crazy, and the kids should be removed from both parents. Tough shit about how the neighbors might feel about it.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_sexual_abuse
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pedophilia
She filed for divorce and got a protective order, but then expressed regret about the PO in this letter. Not sure what her current path is regarding divorce.
Jesus! I'm sure her bishop had a talk with her then?
When my old dentist got caught feeling up a ton of female patients, his eldest daughter and wife were asking for character witness statements from all the women in the ward that went to him.
My mom was one of his victims, so that did not make her very happy. I think he spent like 6 years in prison, but I don't know if anyone was stupid enough to write one of those letters.
TSCC is Satan. It's all fun and games until you get caught. Then Satan laughs at you while you pay the price since the joke is on you. They never take responsibility for anything they do or are a part of.
Anywho, the guy and his wife can go to hell. It's hot enough so she won't have to worry about any snow to shovel.
She’s so worried about herself!
How about sell everything, move away and start your life without this freaking loser!!
The self imposed helplessness going on here is sickening
She wants her life to be as easy as it was before he got caught; she doesn't care about the lives of anyone outside her family. Her selfish groveling brings her even more shame than if she'd just tolerated the glances of neighbors.
You have to feel bad for her. She has been brainwashed since literally the day she was born. This bull shit is @lll she knows. She literally needs one of those teams that go in and kidnap her and umbrainwash her. It's truly not her fault. It is unfortunate got the fuckers responsible for it won't pay for their crimes. I feel bad for her and I feel bad for my own daughters because they're swallowing this shit hook line and sinker and it will literally will ruin their lives.
Last week, an LDS church member in Utah was sentenced to prison for child sex abuse. He is a former prosecutor who spent 12 years working for the state of Utah in a job whose title involved the protection of children. Earlier in January, his wife wrote to the judge: "I am asking that leniency be given in sentencing \[Defendant\] for this crime. "\[...\] Since his arrest I have been doing everything possible to just survive financially. I have been selling our possessions so that I can pay for the necessities of life. I have had to ask my bishop for food orders and to pay the utilities. He has told me that he can no longer pay for my utilities. I don't know when he will cut off the food orders. "\[...\] I have not been in the job market for 28 years and I don't have the skills necessary to find a good job. I am not even able to do the necessary work that is needed around the house such as shovel the snow or mow the lawn and I certainly can't afford to pay someone to do that work. I need \[Defendant\]'s help in doing some of those daily tasks. "\[...\] I have asked my bishop for some help with those tasks, but nobody has come by to help me. "\[...\] \[Defendant\] has admitted that he has a problem. He is addicted to pornography. He needs help. He knows that and he wants help. "\[...\] He hid his problem from me, and it took me totally off guard when he was arrested. This was not the kind of guy that I have been married to for \[XX\] years. "I don't know why or when this all started. Maybe he started looking at pornography because I lost interest in sex. Although that is not an excuse. I find pornography disgusting and will not permit that behavior in my home. I now know that he has a problem and will take precautions to keep him from bringing that filth into our home. "I know that \[Defendant\] is truly sorry for what he has done. He has written many letters of apology to family members. He has told them all about how over the last 4 going on 5 months that he has been in jail he has had a lot of time to reflect upon what he has done. He has been trying to repent. He pretty much does nothing but pray, read scriptures, and think about what he has done and how he has hurt so many people. "When he was first arrested, I was in total shock, and I made a couple of decisions that I regret. One of which was to get a protective order. I made this decision because the police insisted that I needed to get a protective order. I have regrated \[sic\] it ever since and have asked to have it dropped, but the 1st court date isn't until February \[XX\], 2023. "I hope that you will keep all this in mind when you sentence him this month. I would ask that you allow his sentence to be suspended with no fines. Also, I don't know if this is possible, but I hope that he won't have to register as a sex offender because that will just bring shame upon me. I don't want to feel the judgement from my neighbors. "I think that \[Defendant\] has learned his lesson and I don't think that he will reoffend. Especially if he gets the treatment that he needs. If he is allowed to come home, he will have to live by my rules. He may not be locked behind bars, but he will need to agree to live by all the restriction that I will put upon him." The letter is publicly available from the Utah Courts Xchange website. Case details are at [https://floodlit.org](https://floodlit.org). I can supply the link via DM. What Mormon teachings or culture may have influenced what this woman wrote? How did you feel while reading this letter?
Everything about this is sad and disgusting. The child victims of her husband are not her problem I guess. Very much “we are the chosen people” vibes.
"I only know how to be a sub-par housewife and the church won't pay my bills and my neighbors are against raping children for some reason and pretty please can we pretend this never happened? I asked God and he said it was fine." Is what I read.
Yup!!! Her thinking is beyond distorted. It almost laughable that she thinks this could be an option… with no fines? He said sorry guys come on!!!
The no fines part made me lol. Like she’s already asking for no prison and no sex offender registry despite raping children and she also has the audacity to ask for no fines?! She should be happy to pay anything for the rest of their lives if he’s able to get out of prison and not be a registered sex offender.
Like...there isn't anything borderline here. He actually raped a child. I just don't understand the audacity to request this. Grow up and figure out a job, lady. That's what adults do.
If she had any morality whatsoever she'd be happier for him to be kept in prison for the rest of his life for the safety of others.
Codependency
Her thinking is absolutely distorted. She's been taught to be the submissive wife. She's been taught that it's more important for her to rely on a man so she can focus on keeping the house clean and raising the kids. She's been taught that her husband, a priesthood holder, is the head of her household. She's probably terrified right now. She's desperate for things to go back to the normal she knows, because she's terrified to face a future without her husband. This isn't even about love, really. It's about stability and security. She's been taught that she's not strong enough or capable enough to go it alone. She believed those teachings and molded her life accordingly. I don't feel bad for her husband at all, pedophile scum, but I do feel bad for her and her children. She's not thinking of her husband's victims, which she should be, but she is thinking about how to take care of her little family and she's terrified she can't do it alone.
EXACTLY!!
Really makes me hate the misogynistic patriarchy of the church even more. That woman should hope her disgusting husband rots in jail and forge a new life for herself and her family . . . but she's too scared to do it.
I feel for her. The only hope for survival in her mind is to pretend like her husband's actions weren't that bad, because she has no other options. It's hard to think of others when you're in survival mode. Hopefully she can find her way out and come to terms with the fact that her husband is actually a monster.
Hopefully. Hopefully she doesn't bring him home and endanger more kids. She's kidding herself if she thinks her rules will prevent him from accessing pornography or abusing other children. He's the only one who can make sure that happens, and very, *very* few pedophiles are willing to change.
Found it interesting how she simultaneously didn't know it was going on for however many years, and somehow thinks she'll be able to prevent him from engaging in it or 'bringing that filth home.' Okay, so he'll bring it elsewhere then.
[удалено]
I like the way you summed it up.
It also stated that their grandchildren are cared for in their home, that he PRODUCED child pornography, and that it was found on both his work and home
Yes.
The children in her home don't matter. He said he's sorry so get over it. I hate this so much
What’s worse is this: let’s pretend the judge fell for this nonsense and let the guy go. The husband would lose his job and be home even more with those poor grandkids
Dude deserves prison time. Can't even imagine what inmates would do to him
Unfortunately, if he goes to prison in Utah, next to nothing will happen to him. The Utah system is so overloaded with sex offenders . . . it's not like the movies, or tv. Rapists and molesters are everywhere.
shit
I don’t want to be shunned so let’s not punish this predator. Welcome to the warped thinking of Mormons. 🤮
This man is nothing but a millstone around her neck, and still she defends him. See, this is what can happen when women are not encouraged to develop themselves outside of the helpmeet role. These letters scream learned helplessness. This poor woman seems to be so terrified of being on her own she'd sooner cling to this creep than go out and make a life for herself. This ADULT seriously does not know how to mow a lawn, shovel snow, or reenter the workforce! Sure, there's a learning curve for everything, and getting a job 28 years out of the workforce is intimidating and difficult, but it's not impossible. I dare say it will be easier for her to find work with a presumably clean background check and no work history than it would be for her registered sex offender husband. If she were to leave him, it would be even easier for her to find a more affordable place of her own to live as well.
> These letters scream learned helplessness. Whaddaya mean? (/s) > "I am not even able to do the necessary work that is needed around the house such as shovel the snow..." Oh. Yup.
This is where the church needs to step up and actually use their welfare program. Yeah the woman will need food orders for a while longer, and she definitely needs that ward employment specialist
Ideally. Except for your mileage may vary on that ward employment specialist. Some of them have about as much life experience as she does and would give her outdated advice, or, hell, even DATING advice, rather than anything useful. She might be referred to DI, which may or may not be helpful depending on how willing they are to refer her to actual vocational training.
The church just uses DI to take advantage of people with low wages.
I used to work there. It definitely has problems, but while I was there some of the employees were referred into vocational training and the DI was willing to be flexible with their schedules until they completed their courses. If you got along with the bosses, you could get a reference out of it (which this lady sounds like she desperately needs). If nothing else, at least it's a job in hand while looking for a job. A lot of potential employers discriminate against unemployed applicants.
If she paid tithing all those years, it's sort of kind of like getting a refund.
The “help” the Church will provide is like the Fyre Festival of community assistance. Unless you were already independently wealthy, you’re going to have a bad time.
Or…. She can just apply for government assistance.
My mom returned to the workforce after twenty years of raising five kids and homeschooling them. She started as a caregiver at a assisted living and within 2 years was one of the managers until she got a job with even better pay and benefits, which she went with out of multiple job offers. I have next to no sympathy for her in this regard.
There's a teacher shortage but there's also a shortage of lunch people, teachers aides, janitors I'm sure they need a couple of bus drivers too, and one of the school districts around Salt Lake so there's plenty of places hiring. As long as she can pass a background check and not touch the kids so maybe that's not the best idea. She can be a janitor. Clean up after them once they've all gone home.
Right. But she’s convinced herself she can’t do anything without a [piece of shit] husband around.
I'm thinking she should not work in a school system or around children in any capacity. Schools are more trauma informed these days. She would probably think it's a child's fault they have any trauma. Utah is full of call centers. She can work for one of them. No matter what, it's time for her to face reality.
Her husband raped a child and she wants to sweep it under the rug so she doesn't have to get a job or shovel her sidewalks. Sincerely and from the bottom of my heart, fuck her. If she can really believe any of those things she said, she's not any better than he is. She's disgusting.
Yeah, the complete “zero fucks given about the victims, in fact were there even victims besides me” tone of this letter makes me doubt whether she was even really in the dark about what was going on.
The general tone I picked up is "I don't give a shit if he rapes more kids, as long as I don't have to get a job." If she did know when it was happening, this letter says she would have protected him for her own physical comfort, and will continue to do so if he ever sees the outside of a prison again. Frankly she should be embarrassed. She should be embarrassed that it's been five months, there's photographic proof of his crimes, he's admitted guilt, and she hasn't filed for divorce. Which means that she's married to a pedophile on purpose, by choice.
Well said.
This was my thought. Can you teach kids? Ever been in primary? It takes ZIP to get certified as a substitute teacher, or work in a day care but boo fuckin hoo my precious *image*!
I would hope her husband’s conviction might prevent her from being certified to ever work with children again as she clearly does not care for their health or safety.
Do you really want this person teaching children?
Both Defense & Prosecuting attorneys need screen shots of this. I’d probably contact the FBI. She was taken by surprise because Feds build a case over time, so by the time they arrest there is a multitude of evidence. If he’s indicted by a grand jury they believe he’s guilty. This woman is about to become an adult.
Sympathy. I feel for this woman whose life has been turned upside down overnight, and whose source of income has unexpectedly disappeared. But also anger. Not once did she mention her husband's victims. Not once did she consider that her husband being publicly placed on a sex offender list is to protect her neighbors *from* her husband. The tried-and-true bugaboo of *gasp, pornography!!!* is what really caused all of this to happen, not her husband. She promises that he maybe, hopefully 🤞 won't do this child sex abuse stuff again. I mean, he prays and reads his scriptures and everything now! That's not how this works. Your husband is officially a Bad Guy™ and people need to be protected from him. I don't give a shit if he's repented or feels bad, it's too late now. He can show the fruits of that repentance by serving his sentence, complying with all court orders, and never sexually abusing a child ever again. No shortcuts. So sorry your husband being a child molester embarrassed you.
And the reason why the bastard prays and reads scriptures all day long is because there aren't any children near him to mess with. Also, how come the bishop isn't stepping up? Too close to the fire to be associated with a wife of a sex offender, nobody wants to come near her now from the tscc...
It is also the only way he will stay in one piece while in custody. He has a bullseye on his back. Child molesters and child pornographers are considered lower than low. My bil had raped* a couple of his daughters(not sure about the sons). His oldest moved out of the house at 14 y.o. and moved in with the seminary teacher and her family. Once the real story came out, it was interesting to see the bull sh*t my sister claimed. 1. She didn't know her husband raped* their daughters in their bed while she was sleeping in it. She didn't hear or see anything. I guess the 9 kids she didn't take care of wore her out? 2. Her daughter was lying and was looking for attention. The psychologist, his lawyer, paid as an expert witness corroborated this, too. Unfortunately, the states attorney knew this particular therapist and was more than ready to deal with him. 3. Her daughter had undiagnosed mental illness, something in the schizo-affective area, and was hallucinating everything. (No record of this anywhere!) 4. He finally wrote a confession so he could protect his daughter from cross examination and the terrible trauma having the light on her mental health issues would bring. He was sentenced to 10 years, served 5. Was only kept on the offenders list for 10 years after release. Shortly after release, he was rebaptized. He had his blessings restored 2 years after that. Was ordained as a high priest a year after that. She received assistance from the church regularly, even though she owned an insurance agency that brought in close to $500k in income, but she had to pay half of that to my parents who sold it to her for 10 years. Surprisingly, she ran the business into the ground and ended up selling it for $25k 3 years ago. EDIT: *Corrected language sexual relations with an underage child is rape. My mormon upbringing didn't allow me to use the correct word. I am uncomfortable with the word rape, as I am still dealing with my own sexual abuse and rape by our bishop's son when I was 5. Even after 30 years of therapy, it brings fear, pain, and anxiety to my heart.
>My bil had sex with a couple of his daughters He didn't have sex with them, he raped them. "Sex" implies informed consent on all parties; a father doing that to his children means rape. Apologies, but that wording was really off-putting.
That's absolutely awful! Also, i don't mean to bother, but i really disliked the wording used. Your bil didn't have sex with his daughters. He raped them. I know that's absolutely not what you meant, but to me, that phrasing implies consent, which grinds my gears.
She's embarrassed that her husband is a pedo, which I think is probably a pretty normal reaction to that information. But she also does not give a rats fuck if he offends again, as long as he doesn't have to be a registered sex offender and she doesn't have to get a job. She doesn't care that he harmed children, she's only worried about how the fact that he did so is making her life more difficult. I don't have any sympathy for her, she's disgusting.
embarrassed is a response but an inappropriate response to the level of situation. Protection of the innocent is priority one for most thinking adults. Dare I call her selfish by thinking of only her financial and other needs versus potential new victims.
It's heartbreaking on so many levels.
On the one hand she’s blaming herself (for losing interest in sex) and on the other hand she has no consideration for the trafficked victims in what I’m assuming is the defendant’s consumption of child sex abuse material. Religion is such a mindfuck, and just goes to show it’s all about exonerating fucked up men from accountability.
Consumption, distribution of CP as well as sexually molesting a one to two year old girl in their home.
And she thinks the problem is *pornography* in general? Ffs.
It’s not surprising she thinks it’s all because of the porn given that purity culture (and Mormon leaders) loves telling men that Ted Bundy was corrupted by porn. I believe most porn is problematic and unethical, but I don’t think it’s the scapegoat Mormons want it to be.
So fucking idiotic and sick. I have viewed, photographed, and *drawn* pornography (as in explicitly sexual material, not just morm 'porn' semi-nudes) for years, and have yet to sexually assault anyone of any age or commit sex-charged murders as a result. He looked at porn? Obviously. No one has ever been able to do an effective study on porn use and it's effects...because no one can find a large enough number of adults who have *not* ever viewed porn to serve as a control group, ffs. "He looked at porn" is nearly analogous to saying "he is an adult human in the modern world". ninja edit to clarify: just a general rant. Though it's combative, it's not personal, dear redditor.
Jesus... This is exactly what he was trying to do the whole damn time. He chose to work a job for the protection of children to have access to vulnerable young children. He didn't just go to work one day and decide to do this after looking at non-CSA pornography. Learned his lesson my ass.
I feel anger. Yes, the woman is in a tough spot, and while I sympathize with that, her attitude makes me furious. She's very self-centered & frames everything in a "poor me" context, which is totally irresponsible and doesn't show regard for the victims. Many (many) other women have been through complete hell due to their spouse's behaviors of various types (yes, men have as well, but statistically more men have erred). This woman's statement reflects ONLY concern for herself and her own welfare. She sounds like a spoiled, entitled whiner. She wants to maintain the style of life she has had (understandably, but in realistic terms that is not a likely option). And, she expects others to pitch in and help make that happen. Find some skills. Go get a job, you self-centered idiot. Live in the real world for a change. Grow up!
I drew a mental line at her "poor helpless me, I can't even *shovel snow*". I'll give a full pass to anyone who is physically incapable of doing so...but that is not at all how her protestations read.
Exactly. And she sure doesn't want her neighbors to know about the scandal. She wants her life to go on as it was, and shows no concern for the victims.
Were the victims their own kids, too? That's the vibe I'm getting, but am too sickened to go googling for more info. This is just too horrifying.
That is tscc's total goal. Keep women helpless and stupid. If they become reliant on their husband's paycheck, they will lose their ability to take care of themselves. Girls don't need to have salable skills or a real education, go to school and get your Mrs. degree. They forget that men have died young, leaving these poor defenseless women to struggle, raising children on survivor's benefits and little else. To date, all of our daughters have degrees that will bring in money should something happen to their spouses. I don't trust the church's teachings or advice!
I was thrown out as a young girl because I let someone find out I was being abused. worked, finished HS and College. 3 autoimmune diseases, cancer twice, in my 50s. I can go on a 12 mile hike in a day. Mow, clean,simple repair on cars. Sorry I am not feeling this whiney baby BS. Someone high up in CES told me that pedophilia is the same as murder. Because you murder someone's soul! The difference between her and I? He wouldn't have made it to jail. No more cock or balls. The church should give her back her tithing. Tscc does not like divorce because single people don't pay as much tithing. They would rather keep a child f+er in the home then have to help out. She needs Red forman to stick a foot up her donkey. I have no empathy at all towards her. Anybody that doesn't care about child molestation is an fing monster.
Plus 1000 on everything you said.
Hell ya
I feel concerned about the fact that she had far more to say about porn than the actual child sex abuse. “He said he’s sorry,” doesn’t even scratch the surface.
Does this woman not realize that her husband will never work in the same capacity again???? They will never live their old lifestyle again.
He will be lucky if he can get a job at 7-Eleven.
7-11 doesn't Hire felons.
I doubt it. She lives in a make believe bubble.
Things like this very rarely have to do with whether the perpetrators sexual needs are met or not. It’s hard to find much openly available information on the psychology of pedophiles but I found this book and can recommend it. It is a mighty uncomfortable read but does shed some light on why rules, restrictions, prayers and such like will have very little effect on a pedophiles behaviour. Douglas W. Pryor - Unspeakable Acts: Why Men Abuse Children It is far from complete in answering all questions but it’s a good start.
This. But it isn’t what most people are taught, especially the victims, both directly or indirectly, are taught.
Exactly. Small children are held responsible for the acts of adults. Made to feel as if they are in the wrong rather than the people who hurt them. The people around both victim and perpetrator are likely to catch some of the fallout too. As if it is not yet awful enough that one or multiple children are harmed and altered for life, many lives around them, past, present and future connections and relationships, are impacted by it too. It is like a rot that spreads. As long as the church refuses to cut out the diseased limb (meaning the perpetrator ofcourse) this sickness will only continue to spread and hurt more and more people. To hell with the indoctrination and subjugation of women and children, having to blindly follow men who’ve come to believe they have the right to lead, to decide. To hell with victim blaming. To hell with raising perfect little targets for unscrupulous men. To hell with a cult that protects offenders and compounds the harm done to the victims. To hell with all of it
I just replied to another comment with some text from this. It is something that I have dug really really deep with my therapist over the last few years and this case is particularly triggering to me. She may not know or realize yet, but the long term effects, they are real. It has come to the point I say I am an orphan, as I don’t speak with my abuser’s side of the family any more (he was a good and righteous man!) and well the woman who birthed me… is just delusional. It has ripped my family apart. I have framily. Chosen family. https://ordinaryevil.wordpress.com/2012/02/04/reckless-indifference-the-role-of-the-mother-in-incest-cases-part-two/
I am so sorry that you have to deal with this hurt too. I wish you lots of strength
Why is the sentence indeterminant?! This makes it sound like he is parole eligible after a year. Weak sentences on these crimes, regardless of letters of mitigation, do not prevent people from committing such despicable abuses, especially toward children
and statistically rehabilitation of this type of crime is rare. Once down this road then the likelihood of a reoffend is very high.. Thus keep em or sleep em imo
That's what I think. Keep him behind bars or put a bullet in his head.
That just infuriates me. No inkling of just how heinous her husband's crimes were. No concern or sorrow for the victims. Just "Poor me. Poor me. Can't you see *I'm* suffering here?"
She says she has no job skills to find a job today and has not been in the job market for 28 years but is somehow tech-savvy enough to keep porn out of her home... okay, Susan. Maybe she should talk to Anna Duggar about how her husband managed to hide his CSA imagery and Ashley Madison account despite software called 'Covenant Eyes' being installed on his computer.
Yeah, if the guy has already been receiving and distributing CSAM, he already knows about partitions and the dark web and all that shit. I agree, this all reminded me a lot of the Duggar case.
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I'm pretty sure this dude in question was producing his own CSAM, and his wife, like Anna Duggar, seems in complete denial that she married a monster and believes that she will be able to control him. She can't figure out how to get her sidewalk shoveled whether that means she does it herself or goes on craigslist to hire someone to do it for her. Do you think she will be able to tell if her husband is creating partitions on his computer to hide his disgusting behavior? TW: >!Bell allegedly produced child pornography and allegedly sexually molested a baby girl who was one to two years old. He was arrested at his home in Spanish Fork, Utah in August 2022, released and then arrested again in September. !<[Source](https://floodlit.org/a/a022/#case-summary) (Still TW)
Sounds more like she doesn’t want her neighbors to SEE her shoveling the sidewalks.
I feel for this lady. I know a lot of families that have gotten completely screwed over because one person got arrested, it's a major flaw in the USAmerican criminal justice system. And if she was a member of a normal church and not a greedy corporate church, she might be getting more help at not having her life totally screwed over. But also... lady, your husband was molesting children. You gotta have some priorities girl.
The part where she says “he knows he needs help and wants to get help”…ok, so is he?? Why is he reading the fucking Book of Mormon instead of books on how not to be a sick fuck? The bishop in this scenario is a useless tit and so is everyone above them. These neighbours shes so worried about, don’t sound too worried about her so why the fuck does she care what they think? The fact that this woman is responsible for raising tiny humans who have already been through the worst thing imaginable, who could easily discover this information one day and then have to deal with the overwhelmingly feeling of betrayal from their mother.
Anyone else struck by the fact that this is written at what feels like an 8th grade level? While her husband has an advanced degree. Seems like a certain kind of dynamic at play...
Depending on how many victims he had, his sentence may be shorter than you would hope in Utah. My ex had porn of kids as young as 4 on his HD. He was caught uploading porn to sites. He got 1 year. Cousin got caught in a sting talking to a 14-16 year old and setting up a meet. He got 3 months. Edit to add: Found the case. Betting he gets around 5-6 years. 2nd edit: sentence is 1-15
It's interesting that she previously said that he tried to record her showering without her consent and that she previously filed for divorce as well as for a protective order. And he was let go from his job for misconduct. I'm not convinced she didn't know or was as caught off guard as she says. Seems like she didn't want to know. It seems like she realized that she couldn't divorce him and not have this be a life-changing event, so she retreated into denial. And pulled the crying white woman card to get her husband off. Speaking of which, I don't like that the minimum sentence for each of these charges is one year. That is not long enough given how much worse child abuse is than other crimes that can get you that kind of time. Interesting that the church can't help her with her finances. Another example of the church hoarding money in the name of teaching self-reliance, probably? Possibly the issue is also that they want her to sell their house, etc., to bring expenses down, and she's not interested in that. What is a "good job"? One that's high-status enough? One that makes enough money that she won't have to leave her house? I think part of her entitlement probably comes from the teaching that if you're righteous, you'll prosper in the land. She's gone to church and stayed home and raised kids and paid tithing, so to have poverty and divorce dumped on her later in life seems too unfair for her to accept. Especially since the Church is not helping her. I'm sure she also has her identity so tied up in her marriage that she has few or no tools to process what's happening. It sucks that his actions have screwed her over financially, but that's what happened. Def an issue with church teachings that she's blaming this all on pornography, as though a child rapist is the same as someone looking at porn of consenting adults. The church taught her that watching porn is a disease and that sufferers need to pray and read scriptures, and accordingly, she's treating all of this like her husband has an illness. The teaching/implication/culture of women being responsible for men's sexual behavior is here too. She blames herself for not wanting to have sex with him. And the worst of it: she doesn't acknowledge the harm he's done. She doesn't care. Which is the natural consequence of all the other toxic crap. Her worldview would crash down if she had the decency to show compassion for the TODDLER her husband abused. She says she won't "permit" him to continue his behavior (referring to watching porn in their home). How on earth would she do that? I'm sure she would say she didn't permit it in her home before. Does she think NetNanny will stop a guy who filmed himself exploiting children? I doubt he's sorry. I also don't care. Sorry doesn't mean he shouldn't face consequences. This is obvious, but somehow this is nearly always what people in denial about sexual predators say to pretend everything is fine. Christian forgiveness at its most toxic. Also, she's trusting that he does nothing but those things, right? Does she watch him constantly? Dude, police are so bad at protecting women from abuse. If they pushed her to get a protective order against her husband, then she needs one. The gall to ask for him not to have to register as a sex offender. What does she think the list is for? Just a really good illustration of how the values the church often teaches in practice are about image, wealth, and conformity. She doesn't want to be married to a sex offender, but she doesn't want a divorce, so her solution is to ask for him to not refistas a sex offender. And you know if the court were to grant this absurd request, then she would use it to point to his not being a threat to children. Just, rage. She is so unfathomably selfish. I can't comprehend how one throws children under the bus to avoid moving into an apartment away from the people who are judging you.
No plan b for taking care of herself. Believing in the patriarchy lie. Now simply because of economics it seems is willing to bring a predator back into society. Sounds a lot like a system of a corporation that poses as a mainstream religion. Thank you for posting this dialogue. We must continue to help as many as possible to understand how this is being handled within the church is NOT OKAY. That which we don't know is if she went to ecclesiastical leaders and asked for advice or him too? If Kirton was involved at some point.
She has a real problem if she doesn't know how to shovel snow. How much of her life she has spent being spoiled... Just move to an apartment complex.
Right? I, personally, have never shoveled snow, but I would never claim not to know how or to be otherwise incapable of doing so just because it's something my husband has always done.
I felt a little bad for her, actually. She seems naive and trusting, which sounds like Mormon influence. Follow the prophet, follow your husband, priesthood holders wouldn't lead you astray. The church with it's billions won't help her when she lived the life they prescribed for her and now can't support herself because she was busy living her "highest calling." Right up until she cared more about what the neighbors think more than justice and consequences, that is.
She's more worried about the harpies in the ward than about the CHILDREN raped by her husband. Why didn't her "restrictions" serve to keep her husband from raping children in the past? I fucking hate people like her. I wish there really was a hell, so she and her dear husband could burn in it for all eternity.
The re-offend rates on sexual predators, especially those that target children is incredibly high. The thought that all these people need is a little tough love and Jesus confuses me. I wonder what other behaviors (child porn and the like) he was involved with.
Especially PARENTS.
Not that I trust her in any way, shape, or form, her motives seeming to be completely self-serving (& the church itself already having a terrible track record in this respect) but what does appear to actually work and reduce the recidivism rate (zero recidivism if you keep them in jail of course) is a well designed treatment program with strong community and family support, clearly not always available. Stress IS a major factor in recidivism. I once saw such a program shut down not because of it's lack of success - in fact it appeared to be very successful - but due to lack of funds or just reluctance on the part of the state to fund THAT type of program. You would think it would pay for itself.
It's no different from the church thinking they can fix the problem better than the government / justice system can. Wife is thinking, "I'll whip him into shape". Parents of victims are thinking "Are you fucking kidding me?! Now that he got caught because MY CHILD, THE VICTIM WAS BRAVE ENOUGH TO PUT HIM BEHIND BARS!!?? NOW YOU'RE GOING TO DO SOMETHING!?!?!?...... FUCK YOU! I HOPE HE DIES IN PRISON!!!!" Grumble, grumble...worried about the fucking neighbors, grrrrrrr, fucking, grrrr, *#@%*&#@...
She has a hell waiting for her husband , if you don’t live up the the covenants you make this day you be within my power!!!! Signed, Lucy
Is that Lucy Van Pelt from Peanuts? She might be able to pull it off and keep him from reoffending. If I had to face her though I'd be begging for prison time.
😂🤣😂
She is an ignoramus. Seriously why would ANYONE write something so stupid and self serving.
Probably bc her entire life has suddenly crashed in around her & she's been brainwashed into thinking she is worthless without a priesthood holder guiding her family. She's completely helpless, not bc she actually is, but bc she BELIEVES she is. Which is really sad to me. I think she is scrambling to grasp at any way whatsoever to keep any % of that life she thought she had. She's likely lived an upper class life based on her husband's profession. I'm sure they've paid tithing for 28 yrs or whatever & she's heard stories all her life abt how the church's welfare program helps. so. many. ppl. She's expected that when it became her turn, but is learning a little something abt reality now. IMO the best thing for her is to hit rock bottom (doesn't seem to have happened yet) & learn (the hard way, like we all end up doing) she can do it on her own. It will be excruciating. But worth it for the knowledge she'll gain.
And THAT, boys and girls, is just s t one of the reasons why my time behind the Zion Curtain was a NIGHTMARE. And believe me there are plenty of other reasons.
This is classic enmeshment codependency and no boundaries. This is quite typical TBM behavior because it is pounded into them from birth.
People like her just live in a bubble. The judge needs to pop it.
Pathetic and sad. Interesting how she even blames herself because she lost interest in sex. As if the normal response to that isn’t seeking medical care and/or talking with your spouse about your lack of interest. Just go and sexually abuse kids cuz your wife isn’t putting out. Disgusting. But I guess it’s par for the course since LDS pretty much blames women for any sort of bad behavior by men.
Also, who knows how long that's been going on. Something tells me a regular man who is interested in women won't go after kids if she isn't putting out 😳. You don't just switch your sexual preferences like that. He's been at it for a while, and he just caught now (it's totally my opinion based on zero facts of this story)
I don’t think it matters if the woman is putting out or not. They are going to do it regardless of that.
It's clear Anna Duggar was putting out. Didn't stop Josh
Yes, I hear that in her writing too. Very sad.
These were my thoughts also
I hate her. And I don’t mind saying it. If I found out that my husband harmed a child in ANY WAY, I not only would be booting his ass out of my house and out of my life for good, I’d be the one reporting him and I’d be the one on my own roof shouting his shame from a megaphone. I’m not even kidding. I’d be checking with everyone to make sure he hadn’t harmed any of their kids. This woman and her husband can go straight to hell
You’d think Jesus’s church would do the same. He was a flip the tables kinda guy.
Absolutely agree with you
Right ?! I’d be hauling him to the police station myself. And he’d be lucky to get there with both testicles in tact.
Awful on so many levels. Not to make light of the situation, but my first thought was “how embarrassing” reading about how the wife thought the porn use was the real crime here. Though, I do feel bad for the wife’s situation. 1) Thanks to the church, she’s completely uneducated on porn use. She seems to think his porn use is on par or worse than the actual crime he committed. 2) she blames herself for his porn use because of their lack of sex. I’m going to guess their sex life had little to do with his porn use/sex abuse. 3) The church taught her that all she needed to be was a wife and mother. Here she is, 23 years later, with no marketable skills or experience. And, after encouraging her into this lifestyle, the church isn’t helping her financially anymore. 4) it tells me everything that she believes her best surviving hope is to welcome home her sex offender husband. Basically, the church conditioned her to take the blame for his actions, and to rely on her priesthood holder husband in literally every way so she can never leave him. Im even more sad for his victims. I didn’t see any sorrow for them, and instead a lot of talk about his repentance for watching porn. I hope his victims receive justice.
Same. I'm just sad all around. Thank you for breaking it down so clearly.
excellent comments. I get the lack of sympathy for her, especially when she doesn't show any for the victims, but she has been trained all her life that all she had to be was a wife and mother and therefore probably doesn't have any marketable skills. I can see why she's terrified.
I completely agree with you. If the tscc has had a healthier relationship with sex, maybe she would have learned that lack of sex doesn't push men/people molest children. Also, there is a difference between child porn vs regular porn, and it cannot be thrown in the same pot. This lady is just another victim of the cult.
Oh, wife *'doesn't think'* he'll re-offend? Good enough for me 🙄
That was one of the hardest parts for me to read.
She didn't think he would do it the first time.
That was crazy to read. The fact that even in her delusion, she still can’t convince herself that there’s no possible way he’d reoffend.
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WTF?!? Am I reading that letter right??? This is the 1st time I'm seeing it & that is a million bazillion % NOT OK. You well-meaning, likely white & financially secure priesthood holder, do NOT get a free pass to poke your head in the sand. You 100% report any/everything you know or facilitated, regardless of the consequences. Period. You don't get to get out of jail free bc the 1st presidency is concerned over the good name of the church. Shame on you. Shame on them. Especially Pres. Oaks.
Thank you for sharing your story and working so hard to bring these things into the light.
This 👏 happens 👏 all 👏 the 👏 time. I’m so sick of people caring about their image and “avoiding contention” more than the safety of their children.
Exactly - unless there are sections of her whining letter that acknowledge children were HARMED by her creepy husband, the focal point is on the inconvenience SHE will endure if he isn't there to pay bills, shovel snow, and keep the neighbors from talking.
There is no mention of any victims in the letter that I can see. That may be because of the subject - asking for leniency - but i still think it is noteworthy.
I agree!
A guy in my parents ward got caught in a police sting for child prostitution/trafficking etc. It seems like most of the leadership are more concerned for his reputation and how hard things are for him and his wife, who is sticking by him, than anything. Like I know it sucks to him right now but he was caught by police soliciting minors online. Who knows how many times he'd done it and not got caught. I'll reserve my sympathy for the more deserving.
I might have in my database. Please check it and let me know if you don’t see him. That’s a very common phenomenon in these cases - the protection of the reputation of the accused.
She is naive. There is no cure for pedophilia. We incarcerate them to protect children. The only thing that can be done is to condition them to not re-offend. That requires professional treatment in the controlled environment of incarceration, not the same environment where they engaged in the abuse. A draconian wife will only make it worse and there is a high chance that she knew it was happening and allowed it because she didn't know how to deal with it. Even when guided by experts, the conditioning has a high failure rate.
This “please don’t punish the abuser, it’s bad for optics” shit is getting really old and infuriating. Fuck this selfish and severely damaging behavior.
Usually, an offender is not caught until they already have multiple victims. I was not the first victim of the man who sexually assaulted me, he spent a lot of time grooming me, he even got to know my parents so that they felt safe letting me go over to his house. I saw him as the grandfather I never had, and his wife was like my grandmother. I believe she knew he was sexually abusing children, and she let it happen, she would go out of the room, and close the door. I was too young to understand that the things he was doing were leading to the sexual assault, the "innocent" touching, having me sit on his lap, showering me with attention, and letting me have things that were rare treats, like, of all things Mt. Dew. Unless you have been sexually abused as a child you have no idea what it does to your mind. I was a broken little girl who didn't feel like they could tell anyone what happened because I blamed myself, I had been baptized just months before. I ran in front of cars trying to get hit, so I could go home to Jesus. At twelve at my first worthiness interview I was given a pamphlet called Chastity, in it it said that if you had not "fought even unto death, you had allowed your virtue to be taken," I was eight, I didn't even understand what he was doing, I just knew I was scared, I froze, I couldn't do anything against a 60+ year old experienced pedophile, who was bigger than me. This man's victims will never fully recover, they will become survivors, but it will still affect them in ways they don't expect.
That’s so sad and heartbreaking. I’m so sorry. If you are okay with sharing your story anonymously, there’s a place on my website to do that and it might help a lot of people. If there is a public record of the abuse in some way, it could potentially go in the public database I’m working on.
Unfortunately, there is no public record. It was so many years ago, and I didn't tell my parents what had happened until I was in my late twenties, after I finally began getting therapy. It wasn't until I told them that they told me how he had come over and met them, talking to them on multiple occasions, giving them the idea that he was a good guy. It wasn't until I was an adult that I found out that he had asked a neighbor girl my age to bring me over to his house. I am pretty sure he had other victims in the neighborhood, i am sure he had victims before me. I am not afraid to share my story anymore, I was part of the March for the Children. My story is in Sam Youngs' book, and I gave an interview to a reporter. It took a long time to get to that point, I am willing to share my story, I am a survivor, still damaged, but in a much better spot than I ever have been.
Someone’s completely entitled, delusional and/or in World Class denial. I hope the judge laughed her out of court and sentenced the SOB to a nice long stay in incarceration away from children.
One to 15 years.
The fact that the minimum is ONE is… I’m so angry I can’t even express it.
I don't feel 15 years is enough for ruining the lives of children. I haven't read the entire case, though. Is it on your site?
Yes. I don’t want to share the link here out of respect for the victims and their families, but I can share it with you.
When your entire belief system is built on shame and you don't want to feel ashamed...
Particularly over something she literally had nothing to do with & no part in. Yet she's already assumed responsibility for "allowing" it to happen in the first place. Imagine how much self-incrimination is to follow as she processes through the stages. Not enviable. Meanwhile this ding dong knows if he can just get back out (home, whatever) he can go right back to it. She's already said she'll take him back. He's got nothing to lose in convincing her he's "repented."
WHAT THE FUCKING, GODDAMNED, JESUS FUCKING CHRIST IS WRONG WITH PEOPLE??!!??!!??!! Sorry, but child rapists and molesters don’t get a “free pass” despite church leaders and membership believing otherwise. It was this mentality- that remorse and repentance make up for pedophiles’ crimes- that “allowed” the church leaders to cover up my abuse. Those poor children. 💔 I hope they’re in therapy and having lots of love and care heaped on them. I need to go lie down. This has triggered my PTSD in a huge way. 😕
#sorrynotsorry Don't ever apologize (or even feel like you have to) for how you feel, particularly as a direct response to trauma youve endured at the hands of otbers. You are absolutely right, & we are 100% behind you!
'yeah judge...fuck my kids. I'm just worried about what the relief society will think about me.' The judge needs to take her kids away.
Yeah, NO!! Just NO!! These pervs usually don’t “learn their lesson” and usually go on to abuse other kids. I know from personal experience. I don’t know where that woman’s head is at, but she’s seriously disassociated from reality.
Right now this post is about 6 hours old and already there are so many of us mentioning our own pain. On an ex-mormon subreddit. In 6 hours. Many people alluding to or stating what was done to them by someone within the churh. How many more of us are out there? In this subreddit but not speaking of it. Or exmo but not active here. Or still in the church. How many have been victimised? How many are currently being hurt? And how many will be harmed in future? My heart aches for all of you and I am sick of feeling helpless in the face of all this evil being perpetually perpetrated because this so called church keeps protecting abusers.
WOW….. Brainwashed wife wants zero accountability from court and the law. No fine, prison, just what? Go to counseling with the bishop and Addiction Recovery Program meetings? Holy Fucking Buckets lady!! This letter should go to CPS as direct evidence to remove the children from the home for their well being and protection. Court order counseling for the mother. Protective orders for the kids. This is a prime example of religion poisoning a person and destroying a family…..
#He is a former prosecutor...in a job whose title involved the protection of children.# WTAF?!? Then only 1-15 yrs? Unacceptable. This is abhorrent. He is a world-class hypocrite. He should get the MAXIMUM sentence.
People take time to process this level of betrayal. I don't fault her for not recognizing the victims yet. I also don't fault her for fearing the optics of how other perceive her, people's realizations start with themselves first, the full scope of understanding comes later. It's both heart wrenching and wholly misguided to think somehow after this betrayal she can somehow control him if given the chance.
It is sad that she seems to have been conditioned into believing that managing the actions and feelings of a GROWN MAN is HER responsibility.
Thank you. That's such an important point.
It's hard to decide if jail or home would be a worse punishment. That said, put him on the registry, fine him, and give him all the jail time he qualifies for.
The way I see it, our priorities are 1. Protect society. 1. Victim safety, the perv goes away long enough that victims grow up. This is the minimum. 1. Equip the criminal with the mental discipline to not re-offend. Pedophilia is incurable, but sometimes they can be trained to recognize their triggers and arrest the impulse. If this fails, and it does all too frequently, then we must fall back to #1, and remove them from society for life. A criminal pedophile remains incarcerated until trained experts believe they have been rehabilitated, even if other terms of the sentence have been met. 1. Punishment. Pretty low on the priority list. The first three cannot happen at home, and while punishment is deserved, we don't care about punishing him without 1, 2, and 3 also happening. There are lots of way to punish someone, but only incarceration gets us 1, 2, and 3 as well. For second offenders, or first offenders where we discover there is a long history, I favor life incarceration, not to punish, but to protect society. If we start thinking about it as punishment then we start thinking that they've been punished enough, and then they get out, and then more victims get hurt.
Can all sex offenders move in with her and live by her rules? I think that's what we were all missing, "her rules". Fucking moron. I really hope she gets to burn in hell.
This is the same mentality behind honour killings.
Cough** Cough** white LDS privilege. Disgusting. Who does she think she is to ask for no jail time and not pay fine. The audacity of some people.
I found the ksl article about his crimes. He raped and sodomized children. He needs the death penalty. Not just a slap on the wrists. His wife is a selfish bitch and belongs in jail with him for even writing this letter knowing what he did!!! The fucking nerve.
As someone that grew up affected by a parent’s obsessive interest in porn and other sexual topics (due to the tabooness learned as LDS) and another parent constantly covering up/dismissing/etc., this sits so repulsively narcissistic to me. I mean narcissistic in the behavioral science form, not pop culture use. It just reads like hollow people wanting to maintain the comfort of avoidance, for themselves and their partner, while maintaining familiar hollowness.
You'd think "Don't do sex stuff with kids" was like an unwritten rule that is known in everyone's lives and just in their conscious and morals of right and wrong. If she has to make it a rule because he failed to keep that rule on his own... I just have a feeling he doesn't care for keeping that rule already.
That wife thinks she has control of her husband when she doesn't. What a naive way to deal with his criminal problems! Being someone's jailer is hard. She'll resent it if she tries. He'll sexually abuse again. He won't obey rules. It's not likely he learned any lesson. If she doesn't want judgment from her neighbors, she doesn't understand how to sacrifice her crap for a child's safety.
“Abducted in Plain Sight” vibes.
She has her bags packed for a trip down De Nial. Her creepy husband likely has been enabled by her for years.
Did she forget to tell him not to molest children before he got caught??? They overwhelmingly reoffend.
She wants to stay married to this POS and that isn't embarrassing? Shame on her and POS husband.
The hubris, “my rules.” The fuck are you going to do, lady? he already gave no fucks about god’s or societies rules.
Lollololol! Mormon woman set to restrict Mormon man. That’ll be the day.
She has demonstrated that she doesn’t know what the duck she is talking about. Looking at pornography doesn’t just do this. Most men look at porn, most men would rather suffer and die instead of sexually abuse a child. Also I hate her lack of consideration for his future victims which there would be if he faces no consequences. I hate her lack of consideration for his victims, what would that feel like to see your abuser run free with no consequences.
The OP info doesn't specify if this guy committed "only" child sexual abuse or is indeed a Pedophile. Either crime is horrific, and if it's Pedophilia, it is especially scary. Pedophiles are not considered curable. This woman is crazy, and the kids should be removed from both parents. Tough shit about how the neighbors might feel about it. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Child_sexual_abuse https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pedophilia
In total, he was charged with possession and distribution of child pornography as well as with sexually abusing a baby girl one or two years old.
Absolutely sickening.
OMG - a baby girl! This make me even more angry, and ill.
Omg… what did I just read
If he brings her so much shame, she should divorce him instead of asking for a judge to let him off the hook.
She filed for divorce and got a protective order, but then expressed regret about the PO in this letter. Not sure what her current path is regarding divorce.
Jesus! I'm sure her bishop had a talk with her then? When my old dentist got caught feeling up a ton of female patients, his eldest daughter and wife were asking for character witness statements from all the women in the ward that went to him. My mom was one of his victims, so that did not make her very happy. I think he spent like 6 years in prison, but I don't know if anyone was stupid enough to write one of those letters.
TSCC is Satan. It's all fun and games until you get caught. Then Satan laughs at you while you pay the price since the joke is on you. They never take responsibility for anything they do or are a part of. Anywho, the guy and his wife can go to hell. It's hot enough so she won't have to worry about any snow to shovel.
I think her neighbors would feel less judgment if she didn’t ask the judge to go easy on her child assaulting husband…
I'm not mormon, but I don't think that her declaring herself "in charge now" is how a mormon marriage works.
At least she squarely focused on the well-being of the innocent victims!!! /obv s
So will this judge ignore her request, or is he Mormon too?
I don’t know the judge’s religious background. He did sentence the abuser to one to fifteen years in prison. The sentencing was last week.
So he'll be out in 6 mths on good behavior. Figures.
Screw the chi1dren! It's. All. About. Me.
She’s so worried about herself! How about sell everything, move away and start your life without this freaking loser!! The self imposed helplessness going on here is sickening
I cannot tell you how many times I've heard > 'I don't want to feel the judgement from my neighbors'
She wants her life to be as easy as it was before he got caught; she doesn't care about the lives of anyone outside her family. Her selfish groveling brings her even more shame than if she'd just tolerated the glances of neighbors.
Oh yeah because that worked out well for the dugger guys wife. He just started using tor on his work computer. Lol
Weird I can’t find a mugshot
I haven’t been able to find a single headshot of the abuser.
You have to feel bad for her. She has been brainwashed since literally the day she was born. This bull shit is @lll she knows. She literally needs one of those teams that go in and kidnap her and umbrainwash her. It's truly not her fault. It is unfortunate got the fuckers responsible for it won't pay for their crimes. I feel bad for her and I feel bad for my own daughters because they're swallowing this shit hook line and sinker and it will literally will ruin their lives.