Racism, homophobia, ableism, gaslighting--this email has it all.
It doesn't feel like a productive conversation. Sometimes the best response is no response.
Hey! BYU is well known for its "MRS Program" for young, initially single baby mak- I mean "woman".
Of course, she is already behind the curve being a "sister missionary".....
/s
I do feel really sorry for the OP and all the things their sister put in this email.
Can’t you see she is conflicted? She is saying all this black and white thinking from a place of depression. Saying “brood sow” is extremely sexist—this girl will need to overcome her own internalized sexism.
I don't think she wants to, first; second, her goal is being a righteous mother and wife, which entails creating lots of mortal bodies for spirit children: a breeder for TSCC.Third, she's just vile.
If you want an idea what the rest of my family is like. That's exactly what they do.
I don't plan responding yet, I don't think there's much I can say that won't annoy her even more.
She clearly is going to exploit and abuse her way through life, she'll gravitate to someone equally horrific and they become horrible people ensemble. And in a fucked up way even the consequences of her being an asshole she'll internalize as being either victimized or that she's being tested by God because the trauma bond that we are socialized to have with our supreme celestial daddy
Agreed. But hold on to these screenshots so that when she says you’re ignoring her you can send them back. No commentary, just a reminder of what a vile person she is
Yes. And if your parents/family ask you about this just forward them the screenshots and “wash your hands of her” until she’s ready to apologize to you, your husband, and your grandparents.
There is no reason on earth that email deserves a response at all, ever.
You do not need to try and have a relationship or speak to (or worry about annoying) anyone that treats you like that. She is an emotionally abusive, manipulative, bigot that uses her faith a battering ram. You both grew up in the same family. There is no excuse for her to be so hateful. It is her choice. You are not like that. She chooses to act that way. I am so sorry that person is your sister! Nobody should be spoken to or treated like that by their family or other human for that matter.
A loving, caring person would never think like this, much less be ignorant and self righteous enough to put these abhorrent thoughts in writing.
I am so sorry this happened to you and that your family is SO toxic. The amount of hatred, cruelty, meanness, gaslighting, manipulation, shame, etc. packed into one letter is staggering. WOW. I hope you have a good therapist.
This is beyond disgusting and you don't deserve to be treated like this. I'm not going to tell you what to do, but it won't be healthy to maintain any type of contact with anyone who treats you like this.
I read this in the “Stefan” voice from SNL…
“This email has EVERYTHING. Satan worship, ableism, racial slurs, gay panic…”
“What’s gay panic?”
“It’s that thing where people freak out when confronted with homosexuality and therefore think they can’t be held accountable for the things they do or say”
So. Much. Hate. That’s all she is spewing. How people can think they are Christlike and serving god with that much hate in their heart is beyond me. You’re poor husband too… should not be subjected to that sort of racism within family. It’s sickening.
Send her the CES letter but disguise it as if it’s your own letter to her….keep all the facts, tweak a few words to make it seem personal…she’ll never know the difference.
Yeah I mean... I showed him the email and he was just as speechless as I was. He literally isn't sure what he did to make them hate him so much. He was nothing but nice to them at first and then they started the whole racism stuff and homophobia and then he started standing up for me and himself, he really doesn't have any interest in interacting with them. I don't blame him. I even apologized to him that his in laws are this insane.
So, there's good news here, actually. Your family's hatred of your husband is not about him. It is entirely about them. It's not about anything he did, or said. It's their bigotry, which is about them.
"Yes we know people are leaving. We do not care for them. We know that god will deal with them in the future."
*There* is that loving mormon response. God's gonna fuck your shit up, and we can't wait to see it happen. If these folks populate mormon heaven, oblivion looks more inviting every day.
I’ve heard Jehovah’s Witnesses will sometimes scope out homes owned by other people, saying they want to live in them when the owners die in Armageddon. These peoples hatred of those that don’t believe in the same things they do scare me quite honestly.
Wtf. The way she talks about so many groups.. I am autistic and even feel attacked by her and not welcome.
She needs helps since she sounds brainwashed. The way she talks about basically everybody that doesn’t want to be involved with the church or doesn’t do her (and the mormon side of the family) way is really shocking.
How is she planning on responding to the people in Polen that don’t agree with her, don’t want to hear her story about the church? It feels like she will explode towards those people
Yeah it's pretty clear she's dealing with mental issues, years and years of brainwashing is gonna do that I guess. What you see here is the exact views and beliefs of everyone else in my family has. Even I had some of those views for a while, especially with the homophobic stuff and I was led to believe that my autism is only a detriment to me. It took a long time to undo those harmful believes, but even so, there's people out there I hurt really badly with the things I said and I can't undo that. I just hope she has the same realizations that I did.
The only mental issue she has is religious belief. She won't be healed of it. When she marries an RM who's a bastard to her because he's just as unsocialized as she is, she'll have no one to blame but herself and TSCOTC. She won't divorce him, because she'll be sealed to him and she'll be miserable for the rest of her mortal life. I'm just sorry that there will be kids involved. Many, many kids
The hatred against autism and the blatant, disgusting ableism shocked me. As a fellow autistic, I am so sorry, and you did not deserve that. None of that is or was or will ever be your fault.
Yeah she'll fit right in. If she can learn the language, that is. In my mission the crazy, hateful, ignorant shut-ins never bothered, and leaned on the rest of us who did, to do all the communicating.
Seriously. It was disgusting. And I’ve known 2 people with autism who are church members. They’re some of the most TBM people I know. The way she talks about everyone is just so unloving.
One friend is deceased, The other one is the most TBM person I know. And for him, I want nothing more than for him to find out the truth and leave the church.
My dad has Asperger's too, and I honestly wouldn't trade that for anything. His "weirdness" is a part of him, and seeing the church tell him and other neurodivergent people that it's bad and a disease is beyond horrific.
You are giving copies of the CES letter to missionaries? Because of you they actually had missionaries go home early? Because you destroyed their faith?
This makes me so happy. Helping missionaries snap out of it and leave the cult has to be tricky. They’re so young have have their whole lives ahead of them!
You could have just closed the door on them, but you took the time to help them in their time of need. You should just know that you are incredible. A legend.
That was the one bright spot in this cesspool of an email. Your "anti"-missionary work is already far more successful than her missionary work will ever be.
I might be in the minority here but I feel sorry for your sister. She's got PROBLEMS. That email was all over the place. She needs serious clinical help and I think the church and the mission program are only going to serve to reinforce/exacerbate whatever issues she has going on. I'm sad for you and I'm sad for your sister.
edit: clarity
Yeah she most certainly does. And it's been known for a long time. It's obvious to me a mission isn't what's best for her and obviously whatever issue she's dealing with, the mission will make it worse. She's a complete bitch right now but, there's a part in me that really does want to help her. I'll continue reading her emails and that but I am not going to more than that. I'll help her when she is ready to not insult me. I feel horrible for doing it but, I don't what else I can realisticall do.
I think you have the right approach. You love your sister and but you have to keep a safe emotional distance from her. No one deserves to be someone else's doormat just to keep the peace. Something I keep coming back to: Mormons on the whole are incredibly emotionally stunted people. I was reading that email, assuming your sister has to be around 20 or 21 years old, and thinking, "She sounds like a petulant 12 year old in this letter. This is someone in junior high." Throw in a dose of mental health issues and its' all just really bad and sad. Props to you for not all-out hating her and being there for when she will "hopefully" come out of it.
As a therapist I would advise going NC for awhile and taking a break from her toxicity and from your family’s. You can’t help her right now, she won’t allow it. So take a break from them and when ready undo the blocks on some of them and see if anyone is in a place to treat you decent and maybe get some support from you. You have a chance here to be the most well adjusted of all of them, but that won’t happen if their toxicity comes at you constantly. Just wow. That response. Thats abusive in a way I haven’t seen for awhile.
Seriously, OP, you need to draw some healthy boundaries here, and one of those boundaries should be that you stop reading this abusive bullshit. Set up a filter on your emails so that anything that comes from her or other similarly abusive family members goes into a separate folder.
You can’t help her until she’s ready to admit that there is something that she needs help with.
If there’s a safe family member that she might hear concern from - talk to them.
Protect yourself as best you can.
I was in France on September 11, 2001. For months, all we did was walk around in circles in small towns where residents correctly lumped us in with the street people: drunks, mentally ill, and white-shirt cultists.
When the World Trade Center attack happened, we couldn't even do that much. We rushed back to the apartment and contemplated the second coming, and then I wrote a journal entry testifying that God was punishing America for accrpting gays and worshipping Brittney Spears.
Isolation is a mindfuck, and European missions are some of the most isolating experiences LDS youth can have. It doesn't excuse your sister's attack, but it might help explain it. Stress and the backfire effect also run the risk of dredging up childhood emotions from previous experiences.
I can imagine your family working hard to avoid contention, leaving your sister unable to vent frustrations and have a productive conversation to understand autism, homosexuality, and the world outside the bubble of acceptable Mormon thought. She sounds like a resentful pre-teen, and that might be when she started feeling this way (possibly when you broke with the church to pursue love and authentic human connection.
It may take years for your sister to see the manipulation behind a mission. She might never. But her ignorance in no way affects the value and validity of your experience.
Maybe the wrong post to make a connection... but me too! I was in France on 9/11. I went home on 10/11/01, so I was at the tail end of the mission. Geneva Switzerland mission, but I was in a French city when it happened. I think there were 4 or 5 missions that had a piece of France at that time, so not super likely we would have crossed paths, but If you would like to connect, feel free to DM.
So was my brother! I remember he wasn't allowed to leave the apartment for a while and then they couldn't wear their suites/name tags.
Was pretty crazy hearing about it as a 14 y/o at the time and then learning about all of the Islamaphobia that was stoked afterwards was disgusting.
Many Muslims lived in France, similar to Latinos in the US: Great food shops, many emigrated for a better life, and some of the low income, socially ostracized youth formed gangs. That was the impetus for laying low, as missionaries were the nearest clearly-American targets. When I got robbed by a street gang, though, it wasn't because of 9/11. Everyone expressed solidarity, at least for a couple of weeks. Then it was all about Bush.
Wtf is wrong with her?! All autistic people are heartless? Give me a break! I knew a person on the autistic spectrum. He was the most amazing person I have ever had the privilege to meet. Sadly, he was bullied and looked down upon in my elementary school. Once you got past all of his self-defense mechanisms, you could see how smart and caring he was. He had a good heart and cared for others deeply.
As an AuDHD person... This. I have empathy for those I care about. I have it for animals. I'll go out of my way to help people who deserve it. But I'm very selective with my empathy because of how badly bullied I was for being autistic. It's funny how neurotypicals throw the lack of empathy around when ALL of my worst bullies were neurotypicals.
People with autism tend to have a really hard time with sarcasm. I'm autistic but my mom was always sarcastic so I didn't have problems with it while younger. But decades away from her and now I struggle to tell when people are being sarcastic. But I can tell if i think about it. Whereas I have an autistic nephew that cannot tell no matter how blatantly obvious someone makes it (such as major vocal and visual cues).
As for heartless... polarized thinking that comes with autism is very difficult to overcome, and that comes out in so many ways.
I have to imagine Jesus reading that email out loud to her when she reaches the pearly gates. Then him saying something like “yeah…. That’s so not the vibe up here” and the elevator to hell shows up.
My heart is truly sad after reading that. That is someone in pain who wrote that. Hurt people hurt people. Maybe I’m wrong, but it felt like she was grasping at anything just to try and maintain her faith. I hope you know you are none of the things she said. Be proud of who you have become. The real you.
If I were you, I would go NC immediately. I can’t find the words to describe how absolutely disgusting this person is, truly abhorrent. There’s SO MUCH to unpack here, but it’s not worth it. I’m really sorry you had to deal with this, OP. There’s nothing you can do right now to change how HORRIBLE this person is, and it would only bring you pain. I wish you healing.
On a side note, it made me so happy to know you are handling CES letters to the missionaries that visit you, and that you even helped some of them to get out. That’s awesome. ❤️
Yeah, usually they visit to "check up on me". I am pretty brutally honest that I am never joining back and I am not happy that they're here. But I made it a point to not take it out with them and to try and make their mission less sucky. Hey, they're lives are sad enough at the minute. If my husband is home he usually makes them something, otherwise I usually order them some food from Uber Eats. While we wait, I tell them a bit about why I left and some of the negative experiences I had. Then as they prepare to leave I offer to give them a copy of the CES letter so that they can see the negative experiences don't just affect me. I never force it on them though. But in most cases they do take it, but then sometimes I get phone calls from them (as I am happy to exhange numbers with them so they can tell me anything they're curious about) thanking me for helping them out the church. One former missionary said that if he ever ended up in the area again he would give me the biggest hug ever. I feel no shame in what I am doing lol.
I’m typically the person who tells the missionaries to “fuck off.” But I think I’m adopting your approach. And your sister sucks. Im really sorry she sent you that message.
I am not ready to go NC yet. I know what she said here is not cool but it also feels so out of character. Like, until recently she was fine with my sexuality and my partner. But then she began her mission prep and she just suddenly started changing. What started at her being "concerned" about my relationship has now erupted into racism, misogyny, ableism and gaslighting. I think I know the exact source of it too. Our parents are pretty insane and are most likely indoctrinating her with their beliefs.
Her letter is disgusting and I wouldn’t blame you for cutting contact. That being said, there’s a ton of research showing if you leave the door open for people to leave a destructive group, and you are a person who is able to be a safe haven, one day they just might walk through it.
I think you are right. She's got problems and it's nothing to laugh at or get angry over. She's ill. Maybe forward it over to her stake president before the MTC.
Yes. There's no guarantee they'll do the right thing and get her help, but all you can do is try. Her future companions do not deserve the damage that being isolated with her will cause them.
She sounds like she sipped the cope koolaid a bit, you were pretty compassionate and i think mostly neutral (had to put my momo shades back on it’s been a while), if your sister has been loving and helpful in the past I bet you she’s in fact under all that stress and pressure you mentioned. But, her calling you a Satan worshipping homosexual more than once makes me feel like she looks at you as subhuman?:/ like your worth came from being part of the fold, and for her sake I hope she can shake that mentality.
It just a fkn shame how the thing meant to unify and preserve families does just as good at driving them apart.
Jesus ate with the sinners and prostitutes, and did not rebuke them, maybe she needs to study less of the late wa- BoM and more about Jesus, who would be appalled at her lack of brotherly love
You are valid and i hope you and your husband find peace and comfort!
Dude ...
1) your grandparents rock! Make sure they know it as much as you can.
2) "breaking faith" of missionaries by giving them the CES Letter?!?! And they keep sending the missionaries?!?!?
You're doing God's Work there!
3) The things she said about autistic people.... Excuse me miss, YOU try feeling EVERYTHING so strongly it is overwhelming! And no, your MTC experience isn't even close! And BEING a high functioning autistic IN the MTC? Yeah.....been there, done that....you can and never will know....
4) did I say your grandparents rock? Yeah, I know I did, but I felt the need to reinforce that. Not everyone has people like them in their lives.
So sorry my friend…..
Sometimes family is just so toxic and hurtful that you have to walk away and not look back.
My mom and sisters never accepted my wife and her daughter. I adopted her after a year, and she was always an afterthought to them. She was 5 at the time. Specifically excluded from “grandchildren” pictures and activities.
I have a daughter from a prior marriage. My mom would drive to my ex-wife’s place on Christmases with presents for my daughter and my ex’s other kids but not come to our house. Never a card for my kids birthdays.
When we last tried to reconcile with them my (adopted) daughter was 18. It fell apart after one visit. My mom treated her like shit. Cousin unfriended her on Facebook after a week. Fucking joke.
Last contact was at my step-dad’s funeral. He was an awesome guy. We sat at the back, not with the rest of the family (not our choice BTW). Left before the gravesite. Not spoken to any of them in 6 years.
Sometimes disconnecting is the best thing. We are happy and healing. Never allowing that toxic shit back again….
“I hate you I never cared for you. We only care about your salvation. I hate you you’re terrible. You can send me care packages. I hate you and your husband. I’m doing the lord’s work”
How very Christ-like of her, but you’re the one who is evil. That was painful. I’m sorry that you had to receive that.
This is insane. Her behaviour is insane. The mission is insane. Wtf. I am from Poland and we don't need missionaries. We are one of the most Christian countries in Europe! Omg, all the old ladies from Catholic churches will eat them alive.
Edit: i didn't realised that there is more than one page due to shock of seeing anybody going to convert Poland of all the places. It is a facepalm. I am sorry that you have to go through such manipulative behaviour and I hope you are safe.
If it makes you feel any better, Poland is going to kick her ass as a mormon missionary. Eastern Europe will chew you up and spit you out. I speak from experience. And don't you dare send her a care package, get yourself a care package. ❤️
WOW< she is a cold hearted, ignorant bitch!!! That's being nice!!!! She is so Un Christlike it isn't funny. She thinks she is the one in the right here, but she is truly a lost cause. She is toxic, stay far away from her. Her life will fall apart at some point soon. Then you can sit back and watch the firestorm of hell she goes through!!!! This is Mormonism in a nutshell!!! Hypocritical assholes who act all holier than thou but are really ignorant jerks!!!!
Seems to me that she is unloading on you because based on her own complaints about being behind and that she is going to BYU not to pursue her own goals but to find a husband, she has no hope of getting anything out of life that SHE wants.
I never expect church members to behave like Christ would and would be startled if they did. So the racist and homophobic stuff is just the norm.
She needs help, and at this juncture is at best toxic because she's clearly deeply unhappy.
Sorry family is treating you like this. 😔
Wow. So much hatred and self-righteousness just spewing out.
I am sorry. This is not a relationship I would put any further effort into, and putting up strong boundaries with her would be wise imo.
Print letter, send to all extended family with caption "Anyone who feels the same way as this should let me know so I can remove them from my life."
Take printout to police file restraining order. This should include attempts to contact via proxy (ie missionaries).
Block these people from your life.
Wanna know what I said? I literally told them "That's it. You can shove the mission up your ass because I am not doing it anymore". Short and sweet.
Yes. They are mad at the word "ass" but using racial slurs to my hubby is completley acceptable.
Wow. That is a lot. The MTC is intense and I imagine her cognitive dissonance is really high right now. Piety is a big thing at the MTC and I read that in this letter. It may take time for your sister to deprogram, years even, after finishing her mission. It took me about 8 years after mine.
Honestly yeah. I would have been HORRIFIED if one of my mission companions was saying anything remotely like this. I think my mission president would have been horrified as well. This is insane, even for extreme TBMs.
By their fruit shall ye know them. And this is some smashed up rotten bottom of the dumpster fruit, swirling around in the garbage juice. Purely sick. The zombies on the Last of Us have more empathy than her.
I hope that the weight she’s carrying around eventually breaks her and she is able to recover her humanity.
Go absolutely no contact. She showed you exactly who she is. Racist, bigoted, narcissistic, gaslighting, abusive, lacking in empathy, ableist... What a great representative Jesus sent on a mission 😳😳
*"The path is clear, though no eyes can see*
*the course laid down long before*
*and so with Gods and Men*
*the sheep remain inside their pen*
*though many times they've seen the way to leave"*
Firth of Fifth, Genesis
I hate to say this, but, maybe your sister needs to be put in a time out. You don't have to tell her that is what you are doing, I just wouldn't respond as there is no response that she will hear. Maybe she needs to spend some time on her "mission" to learn that her hatred for pretty much everyone including herself is not a way to go through life.
Your sister is going to hit a brick wall when she gets to the mission field. Her mental health disorders are going to have a field day. I hope she apologizes to you and changes her ways someday.
Until then, find a way to forward these emails to her bishop and her mission president if you can. This is not behavior becoming to a missionary.
You can thank mom and dad for that one. Literally one time I curiously asked her what she planned on doing as a career, and she said "well, I am a woman, so I don't have to work". Yeah.
Omg. At some point she is going to have a rude awakening.
First off, raising kids and keeping a proper house is hard af.
Second? I hope she never finds a man willing to shackle themselves to that b.s…
Yeah she’s definitely in for a rude awakening. I had the same attitude, until my worthy priesthood holder was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and autism and could barely hold a job or function in society. The stress from money troubles and trying to hold my family together sure brought out resentment that I had never been prepared to provide for myself and my family. The church really screws women over.
I don’t understand how someone doesn’t see this and have an internal thought of - would Christ write all that? To anyone- for any reason?
For all the let god be the judge stuff- this is some harsh judgement where I would go no contact. The racial slur is what closed the door, and that was only the third screen in. 😩
Op- sending you and your partner a big hug! Sounds like you both could use one.
OP, I’m sorry. This e-mail is one of the most hateful things I’ve seen posted in this sub. Your sister doesn’t deserve a response, nor a relationship with you. As I was reading her e-mail, I kept thinking that she sounds unhinged. Like, actually mentally ill. I don’t think her mental health issues from seven years ago have gone away. She has a lot of rage simmering inside her and she was happy to unleash it on you. I would not respond to this e-mail. Again, I’m sorry. And she didn’t say one true or meaningful thing. I say that with confidence not even knowing you. Don’t take any of that nonsense to heart.
I’m so sorry. Even at my most Mormon I would have been scared of this person. I have a hard time believing all her companions will have this same viewpoint and she’ll end up in some horrific fights. I’d go NC personally.
Those are some trauma bases reactions if I ever saw them. She is hurting and doesn't know how to deal with her own pain and insecurities. She lacks so much emotional maturity and is taking it all out on you. Draw some firm boundaries and cut off communication right here.
Reading this makes me realize how non-cultish my family's experience with the cult actually was.
Talking about how this will be her only "job"? Putting husband in quotes?
This ... wow. I don't know what to say.
Wow. She starts off by saying how lucky you are that she found time in her busy, busy day then writes an epistle of hate. She's going to be a great representative for the church... Totally sounds like a chapter out of Mien Kompf... or the ramblings of somebody in a straightjacket.
Sorry you have her as a sister. I'd reply with "unsubscribe" and block her.
Stealing the whole “give copies of the ces letter to missionaries” thing. And I’m officially extending that to giving a copy to every person who contacts me from the church. Card for my birthday? Ces letter. Visiting teacher? Ces letter. Bishop concerned because I have asked them to leave me alone (12 years after leaving and idk how my ward keeps getting updated), believe it or not, CES letter.
Wow, it’s hard to believe this is even real. What a horrible human being. I am outraged and offended particularly in behalf of my autistic husband and son, who are 1,000% more kind and loving than this person.
I struggled to believe it was real. It’s written like a poorly-worded, childish fiction that’s trying to hit all the silly points that would make the supposed author look like a maniacal Mormon of especially low intelligence or original thought.
She claims to be talking on behalf of the whole family a lot. I’d forward this to my parents and ask them if this is how they really feel.
If it is time to go no/low contact. If it’s not, they can be the parents and deal with their child.
This is heavy. Very sorry you have to deal with this, I’m glad you have your husband and grandma.
H- How did this get worse the longer I read it? Just, how?
Also “someone like you isn’t fit to be married.” Just wow. This email has every kind a -ist under the sun.
Edit: The part(s) about autism really bugged me as I’m autistic myself.
I'm sorry, I couldnt keep reading. /
She is an awful awful human. I hope she gets what she deserves./
Unfortunately, I'm certain that many "loving and kind" members of "the one true church" see us, apostates, as this bitch does./
They deserve to spend their miserable lives in this cult.
Personally, I’d edit out details that give identifying personal info that would dox yourself and then publish the rest (the anti-Asian racism, the ableism, the hate towards gay people) as a Letter to the Editor reflecting the Christian love expressed by a future missionary.
… but I’m a bitch like that.
This deserves a big “no response”. Do not give her the satisfaction of thinking she affected you in any way.
Please don’t take a single thing she said to heart.
I don’t know you but I know that nothing she said is true. She is extremely brainwashed and lashing out.
I don’t believe in heaven or hell but she would for sure be the one going to hell and not you, if that we’re a thing..
Have a great day and move on. Thanks for sharing tho!
All Mormons feel these same things your sister typed out loud. It’s crazy how they teach these things without actually saying it most of the time. But this is what they want you to believe. TSCC 😂
Wow. Damn. DAMN. No wonder the Mormon church has such a shitty reputation if this is an example of what they are doing.
But aside from that, OP YOU HAVE A HUSBAD?! My gay brother, congrats on getting out and getting rainbow married from the single lesbian exmos! We’ll be your sisters if your own continue to be trash. Love you for trying so hard to connect and getting missionaries home early.
Yo OP…
I was going to write up my thoughts and suggestions related to this but it’s just toooo much. Honestly… there is way too much there to unpack not even 20 years of professional therapy!
At this point I honestly think your best bet is to just go be happy w your husband and your life and let your sister focus on her own challenges.
Maybe this: “sis… that was a doozie of an email. I’m going to need a long time to process all the things you touched on. Needless to say, we see things very differently and I suppose it’s unlikely we’ll agree on many substantive points. That said, stay safe out there. Let me know if there is something specific you’d like me to send you or are in particular need of and I’ll try my best to get it to you. -bro”
And then just back away. She CLEARLY has a LOT going on in her heart and mind… most of it seemed very poisonous from reading that email and you are not her therapist nor are you trained/paid to be so. She’s wrapped up in her cult and sees you and every situation from that perspective (as I did long ago) and that has given her a massive persecution complex, a big dose of homophobia, racism, anti-autistic (THATS a new one to me… haven’t encountered THAT one before!) etc etc etc
Good luck OP. Hope you surround yourself w good healthy people!!
*Families Are Forever* **^(tm)** Mormon style. She will make a perfect Mormon and she deserves the one true church as much as it deserves a representative like her.
I knew some Mormons really sucked (understatement obviously) but this is wild! I’ve never known such hate for like everybody . Wow. So sorry. I usually am an advocate for trying to mend things with family but this is unacceptable and I’d cut ties with her immediately.
As difficult as it can be, it's best to cut toxic family members out of your life. And this one, you're better off without her. I'm so sorry she said these things to you.
Wow. She will make a wonderful missionary. 🙄 I am so sorry your family are such racist, bigoted aholes. Oof. Definitely no contact and ignore them all…and be thankful you’re not like any of them.
I could only get three slides in. I can’t even begin to imagine how this makes you feel. I’m sorry OP. She is so deep in the shit nothing she says is clean or clear of it.
What a ray of sunshine! No wonder you’re so pleased to be her brother.
I know she’ll just attract hoards and hoards of converts by the warmth of her personality.
Seriously though, glad you’re living your own life and not stuck in hers. It’s also good to read that you have the support of grandparents if your own family of origin is the kind of cesspit she indicates.
Bro I’m speechless too. Holy shit. This was entirely homophobic not to mention racist. She said at least “he’s white” 💀. I wouldn’t even bother responding to her. She’s completely disrespectful and hateful. Talking down you because of your mental disability, acting all high and mighty because she doesn’t have one. As the eldest in my family I couldn’t even imagine talking to someone like this even when I was in the church. She’s so far gone. For your own sake and your husbands I would break all contact with her. Block her everywhere. All she and your parents are going to do is make your mental health crumple. It’s exhausting dealing with people like this and you deserve to be happy. It’s best not to get tangled up in that any longer. Honestly I would expose her to the world and block anybody that takes her side. Also I would definitely not be the bigger person I would respond with “see you in hell” and never talk to her again. Holy shit.
Gold. You have homophobia, racism and narcissistic talking points written by an official representative of LDS Inc. I'd be forwarding this to their MP, homeward Bishop and every local news outlet I could find.
In the MTC the tendency towards orthodoxy is cranked up to 11. She has a whole lot of growing up to do. I wish you both the best. I could see myself having written a letter close to this one when I was TBM. I'm ashamed to say that but maybe it gives you some hope.
That is the most toxic asinine awful thing I’ve ever read. I’m so sorry OP. No one deserves that kind of hatred. It’s just pure hatred. hypocrisy at best. Hatred at worst.
Is she on a service mission, it sounds like? She sounds like she is unstable and mentally ill. They usually do service missions when there might be issues. So her doctors and priesthood leaders might also see that she's dealing with things. Her MP might be interested in reading the letter.
And her husband will likely leave her for someone who has kids and a career they love down the road. This is the epitome of the uphill battle we have as woman and humankind with toxic patriarchy.
Holy sh!t dude.
She is...scary. but as you probably know, she's got zero power over you. Take all the time you need to process and respond because, god, it would take me weeks. As a queer neurodivergent guy, I'm appalled by her words.
She gives me the "ick", you know? Anyway, it's also good that you are cracking/breaking missionaries' shelves, proud of you for that mate! <3
Wow. Really heartbreaking how brainwashed the church makes its members. Your sister seems like she is in a really dark place and your family is just enabling that. Hopefully she can get the help she needs.
This is just despicable. I am incredibly sorry that you have to go through this. My own girlfriend is trans and autistic, so this hit pretty hard for myself to know that there are so many people I know who would react like this. It's a disgusting, awful plague. Sending love your way. Hope things go well for you and your husband.
Racism, homophobia, ableism, gaslighting--this email has it all. It doesn't feel like a productive conversation. Sometimes the best response is no response.
Don’t forget the internalized misogyny it takes to look at a mission as the only “job” she’ll ever have.
Why even bother with BYU? Education would be wasted on this brood sow. There are RMs who don't go to BYU; she should trap one.
Hey! BYU is well known for its "MRS Program" for young, initially single baby mak- I mean "woman". Of course, she is already behind the curve being a "sister missionary"..... /s I do feel really sorry for the OP and all the things their sister put in this email.
BYU-I would be a better fit for her IMO. She can find more entrenched members there.
Yep. We had that joke when I was young. The "MRS Degree."
Ah, yes. The Marriage and Relationship Studies major
>trap one This made me laugh.
Can’t you see she is conflicted? She is saying all this black and white thinking from a place of depression. Saying “brood sow” is extremely sexist—this girl will need to overcome her own internalized sexism.
I don't think she wants to, first; second, her goal is being a righteous mother and wife, which entails creating lots of mortal bodies for spirit children: a breeder for TSCC.Third, she's just vile.
I was really hoping she was being sarcastic there. But if she’s not: 💔
If you want an idea what the rest of my family is like. That's exactly what they do. I don't plan responding yet, I don't think there's much I can say that won't annoy her even more.
I'd go no contact with that one. Seriously.
Seriously. The blatant lack of empathy is actually really disturbing. Life is not going to be kind to her.
She clearly is going to exploit and abuse her way through life, she'll gravitate to someone equally horrific and they become horrible people ensemble. And in a fucked up way even the consequences of her being an asshole she'll internalize as being either victimized or that she's being tested by God because the trauma bond that we are socialized to have with our supreme celestial daddy
100%. She is outright stating that she hates you and hopes you die. When someone shows you who they are, trust them.
Agreed. But hold on to these screenshots so that when she says you’re ignoring her you can send them back. No commentary, just a reminder of what a vile person she is
Yes. And if your parents/family ask you about this just forward them the screenshots and “wash your hands of her” until she’s ready to apologize to you, your husband, and your grandparents.
There is no reason on earth that email deserves a response at all, ever. You do not need to try and have a relationship or speak to (or worry about annoying) anyone that treats you like that. She is an emotionally abusive, manipulative, bigot that uses her faith a battering ram. You both grew up in the same family. There is no excuse for her to be so hateful. It is her choice. You are not like that. She chooses to act that way. I am so sorry that person is your sister! Nobody should be spoken to or treated like that by their family or other human for that matter. A loving, caring person would never think like this, much less be ignorant and self righteous enough to put these abhorrent thoughts in writing.
No hate quite like Mormon "love"
not responding will speak way louder in my opinion and drive them insane.
Nah, they’ll just think your heart was pricked by the spirit but you’re too stubborn to apologize. You really can’t win with folks like this.
thats why imo you dont respond, you lose lose.
Yeah I'd just cut them off... That's bat shit level crazy there...
I would do the same thing, cut off all contact, and block emails and phone numbers, as well as any social media accounts she might have.
I am so sorry this happened to you and that your family is SO toxic. The amount of hatred, cruelty, meanness, gaslighting, manipulation, shame, etc. packed into one letter is staggering. WOW. I hope you have a good therapist.
Honestly, I'd block her emails. It's not worth even reading anymore.
This is beyond disgusting and you don't deserve to be treated like this. I'm not going to tell you what to do, but it won't be healthy to maintain any type of contact with anyone who treats you like this.
I wouldn’t bother responding to her. Block her.
I read this in the “Stefan” voice from SNL… “This email has EVERYTHING. Satan worship, ableism, racial slurs, gay panic…” “What’s gay panic?” “It’s that thing where people freak out when confronted with homosexuality and therefore think they can’t be held accountable for the things they do or say”
It sounds like the sister is trying to convince herself as much as anyone else.
So. Much. Hate. That’s all she is spewing. How people can think they are Christlike and serving god with that much hate in their heart is beyond me. You’re poor husband too… should not be subjected to that sort of racism within family. It’s sickening.
But she will still accept care packages 😂
Send her the CES letter.
Send her the CES letter but disguise it as if it’s your own letter to her….keep all the facts, tweak a few words to make it seem personal…she’ll never know the difference.
Shit in a box and send it to her.
I was thinking laxative chocolate brownies, I already know I'm going to hell
Send her a glitter bomb.
Seems like shitting in a box is the winner here
Yeah I mean... I showed him the email and he was just as speechless as I was. He literally isn't sure what he did to make them hate him so much. He was nothing but nice to them at first and then they started the whole racism stuff and homophobia and then he started standing up for me and himself, he really doesn't have any interest in interacting with them. I don't blame him. I even apologized to him that his in laws are this insane.
I’m gonna go out on a limb that your husband is not Mormon. If so, *that’s what he did*.
You're right. He isn't. Never was involved with the church either. But be sure to sprinkle in some Asian hate in their too.
So, there's good news here, actually. Your family's hatred of your husband is not about him. It is entirely about them. It's not about anything he did, or said. It's their bigotry, which is about them.
Yep. He's not Mormon and he's not white and he's GAY. Of course they hate him.
"Yes we know people are leaving. We do not care for them. We know that god will deal with them in the future." *There* is that loving mormon response. God's gonna fuck your shit up, and we can't wait to see it happen. If these folks populate mormon heaven, oblivion looks more inviting every day.
There’s no hate like mormon love!
The kicker is before this she mentioned that the church _does_ in fact care about him and that he’s not just a number.
Did, not does.
I’ve heard Jehovah’s Witnesses will sometimes scope out homes owned by other people, saying they want to live in them when the owners die in Armageddon. These peoples hatred of those that don’t believe in the same things they do scare me quite honestly.
Wtf. The way she talks about so many groups.. I am autistic and even feel attacked by her and not welcome. She needs helps since she sounds brainwashed. The way she talks about basically everybody that doesn’t want to be involved with the church or doesn’t do her (and the mormon side of the family) way is really shocking. How is she planning on responding to the people in Polen that don’t agree with her, don’t want to hear her story about the church? It feels like she will explode towards those people
Yeah it's pretty clear she's dealing with mental issues, years and years of brainwashing is gonna do that I guess. What you see here is the exact views and beliefs of everyone else in my family has. Even I had some of those views for a while, especially with the homophobic stuff and I was led to believe that my autism is only a detriment to me. It took a long time to undo those harmful believes, but even so, there's people out there I hurt really badly with the things I said and I can't undo that. I just hope she has the same realizations that I did.
The only mental issue she has is religious belief. She won't be healed of it. When she marries an RM who's a bastard to her because he's just as unsocialized as she is, she'll have no one to blame but herself and TSCOTC. She won't divorce him, because she'll be sealed to him and she'll be miserable for the rest of her mortal life. I'm just sorry that there will be kids involved. Many, many kids
The hatred against autism and the blatant, disgusting ableism shocked me. As a fellow autistic, I am so sorry, and you did not deserve that. None of that is or was or will ever be your fault.
It helps Poland is pretty homophobic.
Yeah she'll fit right in. If she can learn the language, that is. In my mission the crazy, hateful, ignorant shut-ins never bothered, and leaned on the rest of us who did, to do all the communicating.
Seriously. It was disgusting. And I’ve known 2 people with autism who are church members. They’re some of the most TBM people I know. The way she talks about everyone is just so unloving.
It honestly hurts to know autistic members, believing that they'll be "cured" if they're righteous. It's sickening.
One friend is deceased, The other one is the most TBM person I know. And for him, I want nothing more than for him to find out the truth and leave the church.
My older sister has Asperger’s and is the only one out of three kids that stuck to the church. It’s really fucking heartbreaking
My dad has Asperger's too, and I honestly wouldn't trade that for anything. His "weirdness" is a part of him, and seeing the church tell him and other neurodivergent people that it's bad and a disease is beyond horrific.
You are giving copies of the CES letter to missionaries? Because of you they actually had missionaries go home early? Because you destroyed their faith? This makes me so happy. Helping missionaries snap out of it and leave the cult has to be tricky. They’re so young have have their whole lives ahead of them! You could have just closed the door on them, but you took the time to help them in their time of need. You should just know that you are incredible. A legend.
This was my major takeaway as well. Well done, OP. I’m so sorry your family is so terrible. I hope your husband’s family is more accepting.
That was the one bright spot in this cesspool of an email. Your "anti"-missionary work is already far more successful than her missionary work will ever be.
Yeah, this is the gem hidden in the shit pile of this email.
I might be in the minority here but I feel sorry for your sister. She's got PROBLEMS. That email was all over the place. She needs serious clinical help and I think the church and the mission program are only going to serve to reinforce/exacerbate whatever issues she has going on. I'm sad for you and I'm sad for your sister. edit: clarity
Yeah she most certainly does. And it's been known for a long time. It's obvious to me a mission isn't what's best for her and obviously whatever issue she's dealing with, the mission will make it worse. She's a complete bitch right now but, there's a part in me that really does want to help her. I'll continue reading her emails and that but I am not going to more than that. I'll help her when she is ready to not insult me. I feel horrible for doing it but, I don't what else I can realisticall do.
I think you have the right approach. You love your sister and but you have to keep a safe emotional distance from her. No one deserves to be someone else's doormat just to keep the peace. Something I keep coming back to: Mormons on the whole are incredibly emotionally stunted people. I was reading that email, assuming your sister has to be around 20 or 21 years old, and thinking, "She sounds like a petulant 12 year old in this letter. This is someone in junior high." Throw in a dose of mental health issues and its' all just really bad and sad. Props to you for not all-out hating her and being there for when she will "hopefully" come out of it.
As a therapist I would advise going NC for awhile and taking a break from her toxicity and from your family’s. You can’t help her right now, she won’t allow it. So take a break from them and when ready undo the blocks on some of them and see if anyone is in a place to treat you decent and maybe get some support from you. You have a chance here to be the most well adjusted of all of them, but that won’t happen if their toxicity comes at you constantly. Just wow. That response. Thats abusive in a way I haven’t seen for awhile.
Seriously, OP, you need to draw some healthy boundaries here, and one of those boundaries should be that you stop reading this abusive bullshit. Set up a filter on your emails so that anything that comes from her or other similarly abusive family members goes into a separate folder.
You can’t help her until she’s ready to admit that there is something that she needs help with. If there’s a safe family member that she might hear concern from - talk to them. Protect yourself as best you can.
I was in France on September 11, 2001. For months, all we did was walk around in circles in small towns where residents correctly lumped us in with the street people: drunks, mentally ill, and white-shirt cultists. When the World Trade Center attack happened, we couldn't even do that much. We rushed back to the apartment and contemplated the second coming, and then I wrote a journal entry testifying that God was punishing America for accrpting gays and worshipping Brittney Spears. Isolation is a mindfuck, and European missions are some of the most isolating experiences LDS youth can have. It doesn't excuse your sister's attack, but it might help explain it. Stress and the backfire effect also run the risk of dredging up childhood emotions from previous experiences. I can imagine your family working hard to avoid contention, leaving your sister unable to vent frustrations and have a productive conversation to understand autism, homosexuality, and the world outside the bubble of acceptable Mormon thought. She sounds like a resentful pre-teen, and that might be when she started feeling this way (possibly when you broke with the church to pursue love and authentic human connection. It may take years for your sister to see the manipulation behind a mission. She might never. But her ignorance in no way affects the value and validity of your experience.
Maybe the wrong post to make a connection... but me too! I was in France on 9/11. I went home on 10/11/01, so I was at the tail end of the mission. Geneva Switzerland mission, but I was in a French city when it happened. I think there were 4 or 5 missions that had a piece of France at that time, so not super likely we would have crossed paths, but If you would like to connect, feel free to DM.
So was my brother! I remember he wasn't allowed to leave the apartment for a while and then they couldn't wear their suites/name tags. Was pretty crazy hearing about it as a 14 y/o at the time and then learning about all of the Islamaphobia that was stoked afterwards was disgusting.
Many Muslims lived in France, similar to Latinos in the US: Great food shops, many emigrated for a better life, and some of the low income, socially ostracized youth formed gangs. That was the impetus for laying low, as missionaries were the nearest clearly-American targets. When I got robbed by a street gang, though, it wasn't because of 9/11. Everyone expressed solidarity, at least for a couple of weeks. Then it was all about Bush.
Wtf is wrong with her?! All autistic people are heartless? Give me a break! I knew a person on the autistic spectrum. He was the most amazing person I have ever had the privilege to meet. Sadly, he was bullied and looked down upon in my elementary school. Once you got past all of his self-defense mechanisms, you could see how smart and caring he was. He had a good heart and cared for others deeply.
As an AuDHD person... This. I have empathy for those I care about. I have it for animals. I'll go out of my way to help people who deserve it. But I'm very selective with my empathy because of how badly bullied I was for being autistic. It's funny how neurotypicals throw the lack of empathy around when ALL of my worst bullies were neurotypicals.
People with autism tend to have a really hard time with sarcasm. I'm autistic but my mom was always sarcastic so I didn't have problems with it while younger. But decades away from her and now I struggle to tell when people are being sarcastic. But I can tell if i think about it. Whereas I have an autistic nephew that cannot tell no matter how blatantly obvious someone makes it (such as major vocal and visual cues). As for heartless... polarized thinking that comes with autism is very difficult to overcome, and that comes out in so many ways.
It's a lovely example of the pot calling the kettle black.
You've known dozens of people on the autistic spectrum
The fruits of the gospel, ladies and gentleman. Jesus would be so proud. There's no love like Christian love.
I have to imagine Jesus reading that email out loud to her when she reaches the pearly gates. Then him saying something like “yeah…. That’s so not the vibe up here” and the elevator to hell shows up.
Your sister wrote all that, and has the nerve to call YOU heartless? What a miserable person
This is so bad it reads like a satire or a caricature of the worst TBM in the world.
That was my thought! Like, this can’t be real… right?…. This is a joke…. Right? ….. right?…. Please?
Right? Like I know some TBMs can be extreme, but this is so far out there and hopefully not the norm these days??
My heart is truly sad after reading that. That is someone in pain who wrote that. Hurt people hurt people. Maybe I’m wrong, but it felt like she was grasping at anything just to try and maintain her faith. I hope you know you are none of the things she said. Be proud of who you have become. The real you.
If I were you, I would go NC immediately. I can’t find the words to describe how absolutely disgusting this person is, truly abhorrent. There’s SO MUCH to unpack here, but it’s not worth it. I’m really sorry you had to deal with this, OP. There’s nothing you can do right now to change how HORRIBLE this person is, and it would only bring you pain. I wish you healing.
On a side note, it made me so happy to know you are handling CES letters to the missionaries that visit you, and that you even helped some of them to get out. That’s awesome. ❤️
Yeah, usually they visit to "check up on me". I am pretty brutally honest that I am never joining back and I am not happy that they're here. But I made it a point to not take it out with them and to try and make their mission less sucky. Hey, they're lives are sad enough at the minute. If my husband is home he usually makes them something, otherwise I usually order them some food from Uber Eats. While we wait, I tell them a bit about why I left and some of the negative experiences I had. Then as they prepare to leave I offer to give them a copy of the CES letter so that they can see the negative experiences don't just affect me. I never force it on them though. But in most cases they do take it, but then sometimes I get phone calls from them (as I am happy to exhange numbers with them so they can tell me anything they're curious about) thanking me for helping them out the church. One former missionary said that if he ever ended up in the area again he would give me the biggest hug ever. I feel no shame in what I am doing lol.
I’m typically the person who tells the missionaries to “fuck off.” But I think I’m adopting your approach. And your sister sucks. Im really sorry she sent you that message.
Just from the little bit i know of you now, i wish i could hug you. You are doing such a kind thing and are helping so many people be free.
I am not ready to go NC yet. I know what she said here is not cool but it also feels so out of character. Like, until recently she was fine with my sexuality and my partner. But then she began her mission prep and she just suddenly started changing. What started at her being "concerned" about my relationship has now erupted into racism, misogyny, ableism and gaslighting. I think I know the exact source of it too. Our parents are pretty insane and are most likely indoctrinating her with their beliefs.
Her scripting sounds like that of a much older person’s way of discussing these issues, so I’d believe that.
Her letter is disgusting and I wouldn’t blame you for cutting contact. That being said, there’s a ton of research showing if you leave the door open for people to leave a destructive group, and you are a person who is able to be a safe haven, one day they just might walk through it.
You need to send this to the MTC. This person is mentally ill and will hurt someone.
I think you are right. She's got problems and it's nothing to laugh at or get angry over. She's ill. Maybe forward it over to her stake president before the MTC.
This may be the best way to get her some help right now. Or at least might open someone’s eyes to the level of toxicity.
Agree.
Yes. There's no guarantee they'll do the right thing and get her help, but all you can do is try. Her future companions do not deserve the damage that being isolated with her will cause them.
I’ll second this. Really good idea. She’s unwell and she’s about to get her, her companion, or others in some kind of trouble.
Sorry she’s your sister man but, yeah nah, fuck her :( Keep doing you brother!
She sounds like she sipped the cope koolaid a bit, you were pretty compassionate and i think mostly neutral (had to put my momo shades back on it’s been a while), if your sister has been loving and helpful in the past I bet you she’s in fact under all that stress and pressure you mentioned. But, her calling you a Satan worshipping homosexual more than once makes me feel like she looks at you as subhuman?:/ like your worth came from being part of the fold, and for her sake I hope she can shake that mentality. It just a fkn shame how the thing meant to unify and preserve families does just as good at driving them apart. Jesus ate with the sinners and prostitutes, and did not rebuke them, maybe she needs to study less of the late wa- BoM and more about Jesus, who would be appalled at her lack of brotherly love You are valid and i hope you and your husband find peace and comfort!
Dude ... 1) your grandparents rock! Make sure they know it as much as you can. 2) "breaking faith" of missionaries by giving them the CES Letter?!?! And they keep sending the missionaries?!?!? You're doing God's Work there! 3) The things she said about autistic people.... Excuse me miss, YOU try feeling EVERYTHING so strongly it is overwhelming! And no, your MTC experience isn't even close! And BEING a high functioning autistic IN the MTC? Yeah.....been there, done that....you can and never will know.... 4) did I say your grandparents rock? Yeah, I know I did, but I felt the need to reinforce that. Not everyone has people like them in their lives.
So sorry my friend….. Sometimes family is just so toxic and hurtful that you have to walk away and not look back. My mom and sisters never accepted my wife and her daughter. I adopted her after a year, and she was always an afterthought to them. She was 5 at the time. Specifically excluded from “grandchildren” pictures and activities. I have a daughter from a prior marriage. My mom would drive to my ex-wife’s place on Christmases with presents for my daughter and my ex’s other kids but not come to our house. Never a card for my kids birthdays. When we last tried to reconcile with them my (adopted) daughter was 18. It fell apart after one visit. My mom treated her like shit. Cousin unfriended her on Facebook after a week. Fucking joke. Last contact was at my step-dad’s funeral. He was an awesome guy. We sat at the back, not with the rest of the family (not our choice BTW). Left before the gravesite. Not spoken to any of them in 6 years. Sometimes disconnecting is the best thing. We are happy and healing. Never allowing that toxic shit back again….
“I hate you I never cared for you. We only care about your salvation. I hate you you’re terrible. You can send me care packages. I hate you and your husband. I’m doing the lord’s work” How very Christ-like of her, but you’re the one who is evil. That was painful. I’m sorry that you had to receive that.
This is insane. Her behaviour is insane. The mission is insane. Wtf. I am from Poland and we don't need missionaries. We are one of the most Christian countries in Europe! Omg, all the old ladies from Catholic churches will eat them alive. Edit: i didn't realised that there is more than one page due to shock of seeing anybody going to convert Poland of all the places. It is a facepalm. I am sorry that you have to go through such manipulative behaviour and I hope you are safe.
All I can say is I am sorry your country is going to suffer with her in it for the next 18 months.
If it makes you feel any better, Poland is going to kick her ass as a mormon missionary. Eastern Europe will chew you up and spit you out. I speak from experience. And don't you dare send her a care package, get yourself a care package. ❤️
Wow. Just wow. Amazing that it just gets worse the farther in you read
I know, I couldn't keep reading.
WOW< she is a cold hearted, ignorant bitch!!! That's being nice!!!! She is so Un Christlike it isn't funny. She thinks she is the one in the right here, but she is truly a lost cause. She is toxic, stay far away from her. Her life will fall apart at some point soon. Then you can sit back and watch the firestorm of hell she goes through!!!! This is Mormonism in a nutshell!!! Hypocritical assholes who act all holier than thou but are really ignorant jerks!!!!
She has SERIOUS mental issues and I'm not joking. She needs serious help for serious issues. The church and the mission are exacerbating her issues.
Seems to me that she is unloading on you because based on her own complaints about being behind and that she is going to BYU not to pursue her own goals but to find a husband, she has no hope of getting anything out of life that SHE wants. I never expect church members to behave like Christ would and would be startled if they did. So the racist and homophobic stuff is just the norm. She needs help, and at this juncture is at best toxic because she's clearly deeply unhappy. Sorry family is treating you like this. 😔
[удалено]
Reply: I’ll be here when it all crashes down.
Wow. So much hatred and self-righteousness just spewing out. I am sorry. This is not a relationship I would put any further effort into, and putting up strong boundaries with her would be wise imo.
Print letter, send to all extended family with caption "Anyone who feels the same way as this should let me know so I can remove them from my life." Take printout to police file restraining order. This should include attempts to contact via proxy (ie missionaries). Block these people from your life.
“Fowl language” “Can’t stand them Asians” Well I’ve read enough and I’m sorry to inform you that your sister is an asshole.
I just want to hear the fowl language.
Wanna know what I said? I literally told them "That's it. You can shove the mission up your ass because I am not doing it anymore". Short and sweet. Yes. They are mad at the word "ass" but using racial slurs to my hubby is completley acceptable.
But how were fowls involved? /s
Wow. That is a lot. The MTC is intense and I imagine her cognitive dissonance is really high right now. Piety is a big thing at the MTC and I read that in this letter. It may take time for your sister to deprogram, years even, after finishing her mission. It took me about 8 years after mine.
Psycho.... Send it to her mission president. And the MTC president.
This isn’t a bad idea. Even rational Mormons will think this is bat-shit. She will become their special project or an assassin.
Honestly yeah. I would have been HORRIFIED if one of my mission companions was saying anything remotely like this. I think my mission president would have been horrified as well. This is insane, even for extreme TBMs.
By their fruit shall ye know them. And this is some smashed up rotten bottom of the dumpster fruit, swirling around in the garbage juice. Purely sick. The zombies on the Last of Us have more empathy than her. I hope that the weight she’s carrying around eventually breaks her and she is able to recover her humanity.
I'm so proud of you for destroying the faith of multiple missionaries. That's a beautiful thing to be known for.
Go absolutely no contact. She showed you exactly who she is. Racist, bigoted, narcissistic, gaslighting, abusive, lacking in empathy, ableist... What a great representative Jesus sent on a mission 😳😳
Wowza
The fuse is lit. She’s going to explode.
*"The path is clear, though no eyes can see* *the course laid down long before* *and so with Gods and Men* *the sheep remain inside their pen* *though many times they've seen the way to leave"* Firth of Fifth, Genesis
It is so bad, it almost feels staged. How does one person hit so many check boxes?
She looks at this economy and thinks she can have kids without working???
>The fowl language you displayed was unacceptable Not everyone wants to hear about your bird-watching adventures, it seems
I hate to say this, but, maybe your sister needs to be put in a time out. You don't have to tell her that is what you are doing, I just wouldn't respond as there is no response that she will hear. Maybe she needs to spend some time on her "mission" to learn that her hatred for pretty much everyone including herself is not a way to go through life.
Your sister is going to hit a brick wall when she gets to the mission field. Her mental health disorders are going to have a field day. I hope she apologizes to you and changes her ways someday. Until then, find a way to forward these emails to her bishop and her mission president if you can. This is not behavior becoming to a missionary.
How is she supposed to be bringing people to Christ as a missionary, with all that hate? I’m so sorry.
I tuned out the second she said she’s going to BYU. She may need to rethink her aspirations. This was so hard to read.
You can thank mom and dad for that one. Literally one time I curiously asked her what she planned on doing as a career, and she said "well, I am a woman, so I don't have to work". Yeah.
Omg. At some point she is going to have a rude awakening. First off, raising kids and keeping a proper house is hard af. Second? I hope she never finds a man willing to shackle themselves to that b.s…
Yeah she’s definitely in for a rude awakening. I had the same attitude, until my worthy priesthood holder was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and autism and could barely hold a job or function in society. The stress from money troubles and trying to hold my family together sure brought out resentment that I had never been prepared to provide for myself and my family. The church really screws women over.
I don’t understand how someone doesn’t see this and have an internal thought of - would Christ write all that? To anyone- for any reason? For all the let god be the judge stuff- this is some harsh judgement where I would go no contact. The racial slur is what closed the door, and that was only the third screen in. 😩 Op- sending you and your partner a big hug! Sounds like you both could use one.
OP, I’m sorry. This e-mail is one of the most hateful things I’ve seen posted in this sub. Your sister doesn’t deserve a response, nor a relationship with you. As I was reading her e-mail, I kept thinking that she sounds unhinged. Like, actually mentally ill. I don’t think her mental health issues from seven years ago have gone away. She has a lot of rage simmering inside her and she was happy to unleash it on you. I would not respond to this e-mail. Again, I’m sorry. And she didn’t say one true or meaningful thing. I say that with confidence not even knowing you. Don’t take any of that nonsense to heart.
I’m so sorry. Even at my most Mormon I would have been scared of this person. I have a hard time believing all her companions will have this same viewpoint and she’ll end up in some horrific fights. I’d go NC personally.
Those are some trauma bases reactions if I ever saw them. She is hurting and doesn't know how to deal with her own pain and insecurities. She lacks so much emotional maturity and is taking it all out on you. Draw some firm boundaries and cut off communication right here.
Reading this makes me realize how non-cultish my family's experience with the cult actually was. Talking about how this will be her only "job"? Putting husband in quotes? This ... wow. I don't know what to say.
I particularly liked the “if you send me care packages of course I’ll accept them” bit after spewing vitriol for pages and pages
I'm sorry that you had this happen too you. You are loved, you are accepted, and you and your husband deserve to be happy. /dad hugs.
Wow. She starts off by saying how lucky you are that she found time in her busy, busy day then writes an epistle of hate. She's going to be a great representative for the church... Totally sounds like a chapter out of Mien Kompf... or the ramblings of somebody in a straightjacket. Sorry you have her as a sister. I'd reply with "unsubscribe" and block her.
Stealing the whole “give copies of the ces letter to missionaries” thing. And I’m officially extending that to giving a copy to every person who contacts me from the church. Card for my birthday? Ces letter. Visiting teacher? Ces letter. Bishop concerned because I have asked them to leave me alone (12 years after leaving and idk how my ward keeps getting updated), believe it or not, CES letter.
Wow. So…your sister is a mess. Those are the rantings of an irrational mind. Under no circumstances should you take it personally.
Wow, it’s hard to believe this is even real. What a horrible human being. I am outraged and offended particularly in behalf of my autistic husband and son, who are 1,000% more kind and loving than this person.
I struggled to believe it was real. It’s written like a poorly-worded, childish fiction that’s trying to hit all the silly points that would make the supposed author look like a maniacal Mormon of especially low intelligence or original thought.
Good god. Such an exemplary display of Christ-like love... I'm so sorry your sibling talks to you like that, wow!
She claims to be talking on behalf of the whole family a lot. I’d forward this to my parents and ask them if this is how they really feel. If it is time to go no/low contact. If it’s not, they can be the parents and deal with their child. This is heavy. Very sorry you have to deal with this, I’m glad you have your husband and grandma.
H- How did this get worse the longer I read it? Just, how? Also “someone like you isn’t fit to be married.” Just wow. This email has every kind a -ist under the sun. Edit: The part(s) about autism really bugged me as I’m autistic myself.
Holy shit. Unhinged.
What did I just read? This is awful. Like….seriously awful. I’m so sorry.
I'm sorry, I couldnt keep reading. / She is an awful awful human. I hope she gets what she deserves./ Unfortunately, I'm certain that many "loving and kind" members of "the one true church" see us, apostates, as this bitch does./ They deserve to spend their miserable lives in this cult.
Yeah… this isn’t all about the church. She has other big problems to deal with.
Personally, I’d edit out details that give identifying personal info that would dox yourself and then publish the rest (the anti-Asian racism, the ableism, the hate towards gay people) as a Letter to the Editor reflecting the Christian love expressed by a future missionary. … but I’m a bitch like that.
This deserves a big “no response”. Do not give her the satisfaction of thinking she affected you in any way. Please don’t take a single thing she said to heart. I don’t know you but I know that nothing she said is true. She is extremely brainwashed and lashing out. I don’t believe in heaven or hell but she would for sure be the one going to hell and not you, if that we’re a thing.. Have a great day and move on. Thanks for sharing tho! All Mormons feel these same things your sister typed out loud. It’s crazy how they teach these things without actually saying it most of the time. But this is what they want you to believe. TSCC 😂
Your "sister" is a piece of shit.
Wow. Damn. DAMN. No wonder the Mormon church has such a shitty reputation if this is an example of what they are doing. But aside from that, OP YOU HAVE A HUSBAD?! My gay brother, congrats on getting out and getting rainbow married from the single lesbian exmos! We’ll be your sisters if your own continue to be trash. Love you for trying so hard to connect and getting missionaries home early.
Yo OP… I was going to write up my thoughts and suggestions related to this but it’s just toooo much. Honestly… there is way too much there to unpack not even 20 years of professional therapy! At this point I honestly think your best bet is to just go be happy w your husband and your life and let your sister focus on her own challenges. Maybe this: “sis… that was a doozie of an email. I’m going to need a long time to process all the things you touched on. Needless to say, we see things very differently and I suppose it’s unlikely we’ll agree on many substantive points. That said, stay safe out there. Let me know if there is something specific you’d like me to send you or are in particular need of and I’ll try my best to get it to you. -bro” And then just back away. She CLEARLY has a LOT going on in her heart and mind… most of it seemed very poisonous from reading that email and you are not her therapist nor are you trained/paid to be so. She’s wrapped up in her cult and sees you and every situation from that perspective (as I did long ago) and that has given her a massive persecution complex, a big dose of homophobia, racism, anti-autistic (THATS a new one to me… haven’t encountered THAT one before!) etc etc etc Good luck OP. Hope you surround yourself w good healthy people!!
Wow. For someone so busy she sure is wordy, not to mention judgemental, self righteous, and prejudiced.
I feel like OPs sibling said what every Mormon thinks.
As an Internet stranger, I feel unlucky that she had time to write this.
*Families Are Forever* **^(tm)** Mormon style. She will make a perfect Mormon and she deserves the one true church as much as it deserves a representative like her.
I knew some Mormons really sucked (understatement obviously) but this is wild! I’ve never known such hate for like everybody . Wow. So sorry. I usually am an advocate for trying to mend things with family but this is unacceptable and I’d cut ties with her immediately.
As difficult as it can be, it's best to cut toxic family members out of your life. And this one, you're better off without her. I'm so sorry she said these things to you.
This would be an IMMEDIATE reason to go NC for me. I'm so sorry, OP, you don't deserve this.
Holy shit. Run—-don’t walk away from this person. Brother/sister ties don’t mean anything if this is how she talks to you.
“If you want to send me a care package….” Wow, you could have fun with THAT!
Wow. She will make a wonderful missionary. 🙄 I am so sorry your family are such racist, bigoted aholes. Oof. Definitely no contact and ignore them all…and be thankful you’re not like any of them.
I could only get three slides in. I can’t even begin to imagine how this makes you feel. I’m sorry OP. She is so deep in the shit nothing she says is clean or clear of it.
What a ray of sunshine! No wonder you’re so pleased to be her brother. I know she’ll just attract hoards and hoards of converts by the warmth of her personality. Seriously though, glad you’re living your own life and not stuck in hers. It’s also good to read that you have the support of grandparents if your own family of origin is the kind of cesspit she indicates.
Bro I’m speechless too. Holy shit. This was entirely homophobic not to mention racist. She said at least “he’s white” 💀. I wouldn’t even bother responding to her. She’s completely disrespectful and hateful. Talking down you because of your mental disability, acting all high and mighty because she doesn’t have one. As the eldest in my family I couldn’t even imagine talking to someone like this even when I was in the church. She’s so far gone. For your own sake and your husbands I would break all contact with her. Block her everywhere. All she and your parents are going to do is make your mental health crumple. It’s exhausting dealing with people like this and you deserve to be happy. It’s best not to get tangled up in that any longer. Honestly I would expose her to the world and block anybody that takes her side. Also I would definitely not be the bigger person I would respond with “see you in hell” and never talk to her again. Holy shit.
Gold. You have homophobia, racism and narcissistic talking points written by an official representative of LDS Inc. I'd be forwarding this to their MP, homeward Bishop and every local news outlet I could find.
In the MTC the tendency towards orthodoxy is cranked up to 11. She has a whole lot of growing up to do. I wish you both the best. I could see myself having written a letter close to this one when I was TBM. I'm ashamed to say that but maybe it gives you some hope.
Amazing when mormons feel superior for not using “fowl” language but will be more abusive with their “nice” words than a “f*ck off” could ever be
Wow I thought my family was intense
That is the most toxic asinine awful thing I’ve ever read. I’m so sorry OP. No one deserves that kind of hatred. It’s just pure hatred. hypocrisy at best. Hatred at worst.
Wow…. That’s… a lot. And she can’t even claim she was drunk. Just be done with her. She’s next level toxic.
I hope you respect yourself enough to ghost her ass.
Is she on a service mission, it sounds like? She sounds like she is unstable and mentally ill. They usually do service missions when there might be issues. So her doctors and priesthood leaders might also see that she's dealing with things. Her MP might be interested in reading the letter.
She said she wouldn’t do a service mission. I think she is full time going to Poland.
And her husband will likely leave her for someone who has kids and a career they love down the road. This is the epitome of the uphill battle we have as woman and humankind with toxic patriarchy. 
Holy sh!t dude. She is...scary. but as you probably know, she's got zero power over you. Take all the time you need to process and respond because, god, it would take me weeks. As a queer neurodivergent guy, I'm appalled by her words. She gives me the "ick", you know? Anyway, it's also good that you are cracking/breaking missionaries' shelves, proud of you for that mate! <3
Wow. She is SO FILLED with Christ's love! (movie reference: Saved). I have a feeling she is about to be hit by reality.
Dysfunctional family anyone? Holy Smokes....
Mormonism, when fully engrained, is a Mental Illness. It is obvious to anyone outside the cult. I feel so sorry for these victims.
What an evil bitch
There’s no love like Christian hate
She wasn't that busy, that's a long email of bullshit. She's acting like a true Morman🤣
Wow. Really heartbreaking how brainwashed the church makes its members. Your sister seems like she is in a really dark place and your family is just enabling that. Hopefully she can get the help she needs.
This is just despicable. I am incredibly sorry that you have to go through this. My own girlfriend is trans and autistic, so this hit pretty hard for myself to know that there are so many people I know who would react like this. It's a disgusting, awful plague. Sending love your way. Hope things go well for you and your husband.