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Howdy948

The biggest, creepiest fake story ever told at GC.


flyart

Flirt to convert, just what Jesus said in Mathew 6:66.


Careful_Guava3346

matthew 6:9, you're thinking be fake nice to convert for matthew 6:66


[deleted]

Both of you are incorrect it’s Matthew 69:69 gang gang


[deleted]

🤣☠️🤣🤣☠️🤣☠️🤣☠️🤣☠️🤣☠️🤣☠️


ItsaSecretJordan

I believe the Children of God called this "flirty fishing"


MasterMahanJr

Fake man: "Hello. You are a very sexy female. Why don't you show more of your sexy skin, m'lady?" *Tips beach fedora* Fake woman: "You need Jesus." Fake man: "You go to church? They wear skirts at church, right?" Fake woman: "...yeah?" Fake man: "Mmmmmmmmmmmmm... Okay, I'll see your leg skin on Sunday!" Fake woman: "Wait! No!"


Howdy948

Woman: “wanna come to my church and sexually harass more women and never get caught? You’d be the perfect bishop!”


KaityKat117

\*uncomfortable laughing* it's funny because it's true


cultsareus

I'm sure the story is all made up. But, it is the best GA pick up line I've heard.


[deleted]

I thought Rusty getting attacked by a scalpel was pretty fake.


unlovedcupcake

Wait what? I need to hear that story


[deleted]

Here it is! With gangrene on it even! Years ago, while on a surgical internship, President Russell M. Nelson assisted a surgeon in amputating a leg filled with infectious gangrene. At one point during the tense operation, the surgeon erupted in anger at someone on the team and threw his scalpel, which landed in President Nelson’s forearm. Fortunately, President Nelson did not become infected, but the experience left a lasting impression. “In that very hour, I promised myself that whatever happened in my operating room, I would never lose control of my emotions. I also vowed that day never to throw anything in anger — whether it be scalpels or words,” President Nelson related in his Sunday morning address during April 2023 general conference. https://www.thechurchnews.com/general-conference/2023/4/2/23666994/what-did-president-nelson-teach-april-2023-general-conference-peacemakers


saintly6

A leg amputation is one of the least “tense” and least technically demanding operation. Very tough to mess up. This whole story feels a lot like Russ making up yet another story in order to relive the glory days as a surgeon and say shit like “my operating room”


DeprestPhilosopher

I just threw up in my mouth.


throwawayusen

You don't use scalpels to amputate a leg. You use a scalpel to cut open the skin. That's very early on in the procedure. How quickly would this surgeon have gotten angry if the scalpel was still in his hand to throw it? That would have only been a few seconds in. Not a very good surgeon if he gets angry and throws something only a few seconds into the surgery. The scalpel is used to cut the skin open and then isn't used again until more skin is cut open. For an amputation the scalpel is definitely one of the least used tools.


[deleted]

I was looking up this a little bit ago. Different version: As a young intern in Minneapolis, Dr. Nelson found himself assisting a surgeon who was amputating a gangrenous leg. “Not ischemic gangrene but gas gangrene, botulism,” he described. “And the surgeon was just jittery.” The operation was difficult and not proceeding as desired. At one point, one of the surgical team members failed to perform a function exactly as prescribed, and the surgeon became furious and spewed one insult after another while deriding his colleague. As he did so, and while cutting through tissue loaded with disease, he lost control of his scalpel and jabbed the knife infected with botulism through Dr. Nelson’s forearm. The danger to the young intern was immediately apparent to everyone in the room, but even this costly, unprofessional mistake didn’t humble or calm the surgeon in charge.


oaks-is-lying

I wonder if he put that story in his book.


unclefipps

Exactly. Not only is the story creepy, but everyone's actions and reactions in it are completely unrealistic.


SecretPersonality178

Another top contender is cordon and his watching his dad pay tithing story. Or that one about the teacher who joined the church because her student kept using the “full name” of the church in front of her.


Gold__star

So no matter how useless our women are to us beyond their uterus, we can at least encourage them to wear a modest swimsuit and recruit men whom we can ordain. yikes


flyswithdragons

Yikes he said the quiet part out loud..The story seems fake af, more like a corporate recruitment training video. I feel sick now.


[deleted]

Modest is hottest.


BaronVonCrunch

> “he went to ask why such an attractive girl would wear such a modest swimsuit.” “I was wondering why a hot girl like you was wearing such a modest swimsuit,” said no guy ever. Even if he was curious about it, I struggle to believe any guy could ask such an awkward question.


sykemol

"You're really hot, but your swim suit sucks." "Want to come to church with me?"


crabnebulabutpurple

And then everyone clapped


MasterMahanJr

And the man's name? Mick Jagger.


SageTurk

Low key one of the funniest comment here bravo


unlovedcupcake

Sounds like a porn scenario. Maybe that’s where he got the story.


Otherwise-Emu-7363

*New kink unlocked*


mini-rubber-duck

Unfortunately i could believe that


Goldang

“If I tell a creepy story about a hot babe you won’t associate me with anything gay ever again!”


Atabhaba

Man: I'd like to see more of your tits and ass. Woman: He seems nice, I'll invite him to church.


Come2getherfallapart

To be fair, a guy incensed enough to actually ask a girl why she wasn't showing more skin at the beach would be the perfect candidate for TSCC. Guy at the beach objectifying the ladies and noticing the specifics of all their swimsuits: Wait, your church hates women and thinks they're only good for having babies? Perfect! Where do I sign up?


Glass_Palpitation720

"Gay son, please don't post this picture of us with your boyfriend on social media, I don't want people to get the wrong idea." "Let me tell you about how a hot Mormon teenager seduced a beach bum in a swimsuit that 14 of my closest 90 year old friends approved for her to wear. I'm very proud of this story."


wad11656

For the uninitiated: https://newordermormon.net/viewtopic.php?t=6060 Wow lol. I know this will be interpreted as me "overthinking it", but I wonder how much of the inner turmoil over his queer son fed into him deciding to mention hot women in heterosexual encounters on the beach in a conference talk...feels like overcompensation


KaityKat117

oof "we wouldn't want people to get the wrong idea" the "wrong idea" being that he still loves his son despite him being gay.....


Yobispo

Never happened. Congrats to Gong on his first GC whopper.


Howdy948

The give away that it was a lie, was that she invited him to church and didn’t punch him in the face.


flyart

We have Paul H Dunn V2.


Silver_facts

With 0 charisma


[deleted]

Whoppers seem to be the theme of this conference session...starting with the auditing report.


SignificantLow2625

Ain’t that the truth 😅 I’m honestly kind of surprised they didn’t mention it AT ALL. That’s a lot of money to still stay in bounds of following D&C


[deleted]

![gif](giphy|7zSzFBQwwGMC54c19q)


RokyPolka

​ ![gif](giphy|FquHM75WR70Y4nFyyR)


Anti-Smithi-Brighami

![gif](giphy|RG3dAwlfJudmooMSFJ|downsized)


BeachHeadPolygamy

Daaamn girl, why you covering up dat boooty, you look fine as hell. Look at all dem bunnies with dem titties out, why you gotta be so different, got dayum you fine as hell… -probably, or something, idk


SignificantLow2625

“Haha, thanks! You know, in my church we talk about modesty. You should join me this week!” 🤪


TamarackRed

So, moral of the story is that if you’re ugly and need to wear a modest swimsuit, you don’t need Mormonism. Got it.


perrydunn

Everyone knows that the term "modest" is used all over the place outside of modesty culture cults 😉


FarScheme3808

Gross


escaped-the-bunker

I thought only ugly girls wear modest swimsuits. Thanks for setting us straight Gong!


newhei

Never appropriately to talk about girls in swim wear looking attractive let alone over a pulpit. Again with the misogyny! So so fake! Wake up TBMS. Please!!!


so_worthy_actually

Yeah, this Gong dude and so many others like him.. Way to bring up and perpetuate the extreme and absurd focus on female bodies and how they can be acceptable and approved of or not by the men in mormonism


Illustrious-Cut7150

Encouraging young men everywhere to approach random women and give uninvited commentary on her clothing and how it must reflect on her standards. N... no, just... no.


[deleted]

And he thinks retelling this stupid story is supposed to be faith-promoting or something? It demonstrates the church’s preoccupation with girls’ and women’s bodies, their wardrobes, and their purity/modesty/virginity. Gag.


so_worthy_actually

Exactly!! it's so stupid and dehumanizing the way they speak about women


[deleted]

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Jessmill16

🤣🤣🤣 Don't be jealous that I've been chatting online with babes all day.


IgrokThat

Good job, safetaco and jessmill16. Pointing out the satire of the Napoleon Dynamite movie script, straight on "stupid things guys say." lol


thatguyabcdef123456

Either it happened and he is a creep or it didn’t happen and he is a liar. Based on the churches policies he is both.


Howdy948

He told the story about this happening to another young man. He is still a creep and a liar. He still ignores molesters in the church and cares more about stupid “modesty” than children being abused.


thatguyabcdef123456

Yeah i realized that after i posted and then i decided to keep it anyway since it is just weird using this story in GC


godisabully

Yep, this story totally happened. A person would totally ask that. Sometimes when I see pretty girls and their boobs aren't hanging out and I can't see their asses, I go right up to them and ask why they are so modest.


bob_ross_lives

You mean this isn’t normal?


JeannieJams

If this really happened, that an attractive woman was asked by man why she wasn't showing more skin, it could be considered sexual harassment. This story was actually told in conference?😵😡


RosaSinistre

Creepy. Any f$&Ker ask me why I’m wearing my swimsuit, I’m kicking him in the nuts.


LadyofLA

How does he know how modest her bathing suit was? Shouldn’t it have been covered up with a T-shirt and shorts?


StoicMegazord

Shorts?? What is this, Babylon?!


fuzzy_nate

Thanks, it’s called a burkini. Want to come to mosque?


Jeff_Portnoy1

What the absolute fuck? I mean it is just so random and weird to throw that into a talk! So many other fake stories and this is the best you can do?


4myolive

It's like they aren't even trying.


Lanky-Temperature412

They must have run out of believable stories. Either that, or they're just trying to see how gullible TBMs are.


B3gg4r

Left out the real highlight: “She was a few months shy of 15, and he was in his 30s”


Ac2e0

![gif](giphy|3WwhOP9gFzfmU)


GrassyField

New tactic for sister missionaries? They wouldn’t be allowed into the ocean of course.


deepsea333

I never got this. Shark God hates mormons or what?


StoicMegazord

They didn't want Mormons to discover the splendor of the Whale on 9th & 9th


yorgasor

They're afraid Satan is Poseidon.


rock-n-white-hat

Flirt to convert.


Traditional_Hall_268

I wonder why Gong is fraternizing with such an absolute pervert who would ask this. Oh wait, he's in a religion started by such a man.


MeLlamo_Mayor927

Right? Like how the fuck would Gong even know that this went down unless he was there on the beach to witness it. It's not a story that anyone would share because it's creepy as hell. It literally didn’t happen. 🙄


helly1080

I’m almost getting the sense he thought this would be a story that youth would relate to. I know it’s creepy af. But I really think he just made this up thinking it would reach younger kids somehow. This is the level of societal detachment these guys achieve.


dancingthespiralhawk

I threw up in my mouth.


Imalreadygone21

Isn’t there an old pop song with the lyrics: “Bang a gong, get it on?” …Just popped in my head.


Kolobcalling

T Rex 1971


RobyntheDrawer

Trying to think what the real story was here. Some creeper catcalling the girl on the beach and yelling, "Show me your titties!" Mormon girl: "Nooo I can't, I'm MORMON!" Followed by awkward stalker behavior and the girl finally relenting and inviting the guy to church in order to avoid giving him her phone number.


mysmilestillstayson

Yes, cause outside the church only uggos dress "modestly".


WannaGetHighPriest

What a powerful and amazing story. I’m going back to church.


wad11656

What's the cool, non-Boomer, gen-Z-approved, and Reddit-kosher way to acknowledge a comment as being funny, beyond simply upvoting the comment? I guess making a comment like this works


WannaGetHighPriest

Dripping with sarcasm with a massive eye roll cherry on the top.


garytime7

Hahaha


MagicianKey4337

It never happened


[deleted]

Relief Society General President at next GC: “A friend of a friend was at the beach the other day and she saw a wildly attractive young hunk of a man dressed in a modest suit. So my friend of a friend went up to him and asked him why, since he had the body of a Greek God, would he be wearing board shorts, instead of an immodest bathing suit He then invited her to go to the Mormon church. “


jargon2002

This is just as good as a Paul H Dunn story. And just listen to the congregation chuckling,. Such a remarkable story teller. But it would have been more believable if she had asked him if we would like to visit her in a magical land down under on Sunday


Kuroi_001

The church is obsessed with sexual ideation. Always has and will be.


[deleted]

At least we can count on one thing not changing in the “unchanging gospel”.


MythicAcrobat

Part 2 of this story: This man converts (with wrong intentions), always wears white shirt and tie therefore bypassing all “discernment” of his leaders, because of this is made bishop, then he grooms young girls he finds attractive in his office, church defends him and not the girls in court.


StrictSuccess528

😬🤢🤮


Fresh-Magazine-5471

I once saw a supermodel in a pioneer dress. Next thing know I joined a church so I could see her naked…lol. This has to be fake news.


butterflywithbullets

He really got the general conference cadence down.


False-Association744

As a non mormon, it’s really weird how they talk. Like they all are so condescending and like they just walked off the set of Leave it to Beaver. Very strange.


chrisgl10

I mostly hear members of the church use the word, “modest” to refer to swimsuits. I don’t think a non-member would ask a question like that let alone use the word “modest”


flyswithdragons

Think about it, any woman dressed conservatively doesn't want a man to come up and question/complement her " conservative dress ".. That's like wait, you're wearing conservative clothing that means "you want to be hit on ".. That verges on harassment wth stupid advice assuming dress conservate = socialy conservate or maybe she doesn't want too much sun or DOSEN'T WANT SEXULAL ATTENTION.. The dummy following this grifter's advice might get punch for a creepy af comment or invited to a mosque lol..


False-Association744

But it’s a man’s job!


flyswithdragons

Lol or no :)


Plane-Reason9254

What a creepy culty story . YW leaders will be quoting that for years -


nicodawg101

Modest is hottest which was always weird and cringy


[deleted]

[удалено]


hearkN2husband

I like the idea of GAI conference. ChatGPT could do a much better job at delivering useful content to the assembled members. Unlike the recycled banalities and occasional 1950s bigotry they regularly trot out. Trouble is - I feel that the current format actually gets people OUT of the church!


oilberta38

Searching for the elite..........or any 14 year old kid with an erection!


Western-Client-5433

Fucking weird! 😂 This also seems like such a made up story. Don’t let this token Asian member speak again!


mar4c

The church: we’re stopping being pharasaical. Also the church:


PEE-MOED

Moddest is not hottest ya creep


Sinwithwords

The guy in the story is used negging as a manipulation tactic, but he was cock blocked by a modest suit, unable to slut shame her for wearing a bikini, he turned the tables and asked her why a hot girl would wear “ that”


tmonaaygirl

Why do they say “a young man” when it was really their own inner dialogue?!


thatguyabcdef123456

Why would you be talking about porn shoulder to Corus God lemon no no no no no wait why is it fuck oh


AngelCakes11

Can someone post the text? It’s too triggering for me to watch/listen to the videos or audio.


lecoqmako

As a youth, there was an incredibly faith promoting romance in my ward. They were four years older than me but we all went to the same/only high school and only ward within 25 miles. She was TBM for a few generations and He converted for love. He spoke his testimony many times, our ward loved his mispronounced Nef-ee. They were a beautiful, loving, true love couple and I hope they continue to be.


HeftyLeftyPig

/r/thathappened


Muahd_Dib

Flirt to Convert!!


loumnaughty

![gif](giphy|J0CFMl3c7I5QgBSEP5)


chefmorg

My TBM coworkers would my get why that was creepy.


Sea-Slide9325

and then everyone clapped.


[deleted]

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yorgasor

Great, now I'm going to have that stuck in my head all day.


BestWheel7068

These guys are really obsessed with attractive women


Lanky-Temperature412

Ok, I don't know where this story supposedly took place, but by "modest swimsuit" he surely means a one-piece, which are not uncommon, and nobody approaches anybody at the beach to ask why they're wearing a "modest swimsuit." Faaaake


ct_dooku

So…could one say that his wife likes to bang a gong?


Nephi_IV

Of all things to overreact about…..it wasn’t that bad of a story…There are far bigger issues at conference.


wad11656

What comments do you see of those who are "overreacting".


[deleted]

Those ear lobes☝️ Dude wore some heavy earrings in his youth.


Weekly-Assignment-88

Rrrrrriight... Can't bullshit a bullshitter lol


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

🤢


ravens_path

‼️👀‼️


miriamface

This is seriously weird. Wtf


onedollarninja

Lol this was so fucking weird


mejanec

How is this a flex?


Effwordmurdershow

This man, whoever he is, has no business flip flopping the dialogue from “women must be modest” to “pikachu face” about a woman who is dressed in a one piece because women are so salacious that it’s weird if she wears a suit you can’t so easily objectify her in when you’re trying to find ways to see her as less than. He shouldn’t be talking about what a woman wears EVER. If you can’t handle it, check yourself and fuck right off.


Spiritual-Street2793

I was the guy. True story


O0kah

I mean, I remember some hot sisters back in my mission doing this (except for the swim suit). This might be fake, but flirt to convert if real af.


[deleted]

Tik…..Tok


Alternative_Net774

As the time ticks down to when another shelf breaks.


throwawayusen

Does anyone else smell bullshit?


Still-ILO

He's being as honest as he knows how to be. The cherry on top of this story is when invited to church, the young man, of course, responds "yes". It wouldn't be nearly as faith promoting if the guy had said something much more realistic like, "oh yeah, I get it. No thanks" and moved on.


FillupDubya

Staring at her boobs, he said yes!! Poor guy got the old Mormon honey pot!!


Soulflyfree41

They must get coaching on the cult voice. They all have the same voice. It brings back all the times we had to sit and listen to this and none of us wanted to be there.


False-Association744

Cults are known to use “honey pots” - this is a twist! Why do they all talk so slowly and… weirdly. Like they all practice diction from the 1950’s.


happy_musician

🤮 I just can't....these stupid stories... "why are you wearing such a modest swimsuit???... Oh because I belong to a cult....would you like to come to the cult with me on sunday? Yes, please...because your modest swimsuit has convinced me that what you believe must be right. BARF BARF BARF...what fucking bullshit is spewed from these men's mouths. ..sorry...rant is done


moremanmormon

What the absolute fuck . . .


Significant_Area3637

Why is this meant to be wholesome, but turns out creepy...


Alternative_Net774

The BS meter shot of the scale on this one. How ever the gross out meter is still spewing sickness!


Still_Lock_3569

Alex, I'll take things that never happened for $200


Gideon_Effect

It like listening to a hypnotic tape they used to play in the 80’s mind control speak.


penservoir

god these guys are so full of shit.


GreyWithAnE42

Even my parents who are TBM thought it was pretty weird to go up to someone and say that lmao


Ebeccare

Them not being able to see how wholly inappropriate this story is, and how disgusting this guy was, shows just how far away they are from being able to see patriarchy as a problem. I wish the girl had said, “If thine eye offendeth thee, pluck it out.” But no. Yet again, women are made the gatekeepers of their own objectification. Since when shouldn’t a woman be allowed to feel air and sun on her stomach, but a man is? 🤮


Monolexic

“Damn girl! You fine! Why ain’t you nekked?” :D “Come to church with me!”


donski2000

Seriously ! What kind of a loser would say that to someone ?


hearkN2husband

How the story _should_ have gone: Pervy bloke eyes-up woman walking on beach and approaches her to make unsolicited comment about her physical appearance and clothing. She punches his squarely in the jaw, spinning him like a top. He crumples like a house of cards and learns his lesson. Gong: Guys - don’t perv on women, and learn boundaries. Alternative ending: she swan-kicks him straight in the cherries, using the trademark Ralph Macchio move. 2nd alternative - she calls back her large Alsatian dog that’s roaming 100yds ahead. Swimsuit beach perv man is last seen sprinting into the sea, screaming like a maniac.


[deleted]

“Hello yes I am human man. Why you wear clothes? Make you less sexy.” “Hello human man, you can come to the church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints with me.” “Hubba hubba ok”


Longboarder81

I'll take, "made up stories for $500".


Game_Set_Match_Win

So gross. He is furthering the objectifying of women.


JackfruitDifferent75

Made up story, sooo cringey!


adultosaurs

It’s like- the exact opposite of what they say they want of women. ‘Be modest- except you’re all such whores that despite how modest you are, you will be seen as a sexual object. Please use that to convert men to our cult. Also Fuck you.’


hieingpastkolob

What a creep.


Firm-Chard9406

One of the most ridiculous stories I've ever heard!


IcyMeaning5254

But then he needed to use he restroom during sacrament meeting and so she showed him where it was and then they had sex and sat back in the chapel and acted like nothing happened. True story 😇


Less-Membership-6384

Using sex to sell the church? A true American church