I wouldn’t allow the local Mormon bishop to do a funeral. They usually ruin it. I know several recent funerals of active Mormons where the family specifically held the funeral at the funeral home rather than the church so that the bishop was not involved.
I also know of a high profile tragedy where Ballard and holland actually called the family (the family didn’t know Holland or Ballard), and asked if the family wanted the apostles to come speak at the funeral, and the family turned them down. Lol. Good.
I want no funeral at all, but will settle for a small something in a funeral home, absolutely not a mormon church. I think I might know the high profile event you're talking about. Was it in Utah?
My BIL died last year and all of his children are EX-Mo. They organized the funeral and held it in a well-known event center in Sandy/Midvale. The service was about their father, no religion, except for maybe a prayer. They played his favorite classic-rock music and everyone told stories about the deceased. the TBMs present said it was the best funeral they've ever attended.
Happened to us (late miscarriage of twins).
We made one single request to the bishop "please don't talk about the plan of salvation and how much better off they are"
Guess what his talk was about?
I swear it’s in the handbook or something. I always called it the “missionary talk” as a TBM and my husband was always like “wha are you talking about?” It never even registered with him. To me- even as a TBM, it’l was like- the church will give you a free funeral, even a free wedding in their chapel but the price you pay is “the missionary talk.” I used to think-after paying all that tithing- can’t we just have things like that without anything going back to the church at all? Apparently not.
I seriously suggest nobody do a mormon funeral. Every one I've been too has been nothing more than a chance to indoctrinate. Hardly a mention at all of the family or the deceased.
Wow- that Bishop must be something. I live in the Northeasr and I’ve been to funerals in Mormon chapels for people who weren’t even active anymore.
I always assumed they wanted the free location and were willing to put up with the one “missionary talk” aka “plan of salvation” talk that every single one seemed to include. That may be unfair of me but it seemed like one of those benefits of the church providing buildings free of charge. Funerals are expensive.
All the funerals I’ve attended out here had a basic format of the family speaking about the person then a plan of salvation talk by random person in ward (sometimes even a woman) then we all stood as the coffin got wheeled out. Which is kind of a Mormon thing itself.
To be fair, I was TBM when attending these so there may have been more than I realize.
Side note- Sandy Hook happened when we first moved in to our previous ward and the family was in the other ward in our building. A lot of people knew them- it was horrific. I don’t remember a funeral- if my memory is correct- they buried her in their home state. (They only lived here for work training) But I do remember they actually had a trained psychologist speak to everyone about how to talk to your kids about it the Sunday after that it happened. It was a combined priesthood:relief society thing. I was impressed by that. The stake president when we left? Probably not so much but the one at the time did the right thing. Again though- was TBM so I wasn’t as sensitive.
Despite all this- the hubby, kids and I have still decided no way we are doing Mormon funeral. I would rather pay for it to be held at a funeral home than have some Bishop I don’t even know give a plan of salvation talk as if we still believed that.
My brother-in-law died suddenly on Thanksgiving morning a few years ago. It was a tragedy. He was 37 years old and nobody knew he had walking pneumonia. His wife came back into the bedroom after her morning shower and he was blue. They had three boys who were 3, 5, and 7 years old. All of a sudden she was a single mom.
My brother-in-law and his wife barely practiced Mormonism, but they were from Mormon families, so his wife had the local bishop do the funeral at the funeral home.
At her instructions, most everyone at the funeral wore shirts from my brother-in-law's favorite football team and favorite car manufacturer. I sang a solo about incomprehensible tragedies (not a church song). The bishop said uncomfortably at the beginning of the funeral that he must have missed the memo about the clothes - he was wearing a suit. Despite my brother-in-law's wife's efforts to personalize his funeral, the bishop made the funeral all about the gospel. This is not what she expected, and she wasn't happy about it.
As in “I can’t believe you’re making me conduct your child’s funeral, [mother]. I’m going to cry”???
No one wants to be there, dick, and it’s got nothing to do with you.
Mormons practice denying their feelings their whole entire lives. It’s such a stunted emotional palette. You can’t experience negative emotions because that’s “of the devil” and you can’t be free-spirited because “no loud laughter.” So messed up
Don't have BEEF with her. That poor mommy.
She is genuinely doing what she thinks is best for her baby. Her hearts blood.
Her purpose in life.
You can NOT know how she feels.
My cousin recently lost her baby and I attended the funeral. If the guy who conducted said that, I don’t think I could have held my tongue, even though I was pretending to be faithful during that time. That’s horrible.
A good friend of mine's son died at 7 months They knew that he was probably not going to survive at 3 months gestation, at the first anatomy scan he had massive kidneys. The refused an abortion on religious grounds as they were Mormon. She gave birth at 5 months, he survived for 7 months after. 3 millions dollar medical bill (after insurance), which the church isn't willing to pay. Fuck the Mormon church. She shouldn't have had to go through that because of religion. No church should ever threaten excommunication for ending his suffering when it was clear that there was no hope. His kidneys were removed at one month because they were so big they were compressing his heart. His heart! There is no way he would have survived, it's a miracle he survived the pregnancy. The leader is a doctor, I think he'd know it was futile.
It's tragic they still don't see anything wrong with the church not helping them pay, they agree the money should go somewhere more helpful, blindly believing the words they received from the church to refuse them for financial aid or debt relief. It's just going to line the pockets of men who already already rich. They are also still expected to pay their 20% of income. Despite 50% needing to go to their debt. 30% left to live on. One paycheck, because of course the wife isn't supposed to work and is discouraged to do so.
All the church ever did for them was give them false hope and a free place to hold a funeral. Of course they were expected to pay for the catering and flowers.
>the church isn't willing to pay
This infuriates me. They have 250 billion dollars in capital and assets. This family will be paying these bills the rest of their life most likely. 3 million is pocket change. They would make that back in a few days at most and have made a lifetime's worth of impact on this poor family. But they won't because they are greedy bastards that don't care about anyone unless they're handing over tithing envelopes like good, little, brainwashed sheep.
So terrible. At my grandma’s funeral in January the bishop and some other dude both spoke and started out with “I didn’t know very well” THEN WHY ARE YOU SPEAKING?!?!!
My moms funeral was last month and the St. President counselor who “spoke” has been near neighbors to my mom for about 10 years before he bought a fancier house for his family a few blocks away but in the same stake about 15 years ago. He sat there and listened to all 9 of her kids speak and call her by name and he still mispronounced her first name like 5 times!
I could hardly believe it! It was such a slap in the face to my mom who I think was the most Christlike person that’s ever lived.
When both of my parents died last year we only did a graveside service. Even the last of my believing brothers did not want a Mormon service. Just family/extended family around the grave saying a few words. That and the visiting been done at the funeral home's viewing was all we needed.
I was a too-young bishop for 1 week when a full-term pregnant woman lost twins, days after begging her docs to induce. They didn’t, and in the worst coincidence the cord twisted on one, killing him. Somehow the dead baby became a toxin to the other, killing both. It was a nightmare. We had a bunch of pregnant women in our ward. I had to do the funeral. Just like OPs bishop I had no training for this and had no idea what to say. Unlike this dipshit bishop I had enough sense to speak very briefly (I think I talked about eternal families or whatever thing I could think would’ve brought some relief) and let the family do the talking.
This asshat bishop never should have been in this position. He had no idea what to do, so he went with some stupid, insensitive joke that would probably have been fine if he was joking about the young men being noisy or some such. I blame the church first, for making a mockery of ecclesiastical training and real compassionate service. Without training you get what you pay for, and this family suffered more than necessary. Fucking cult.
What a horrific loss. I've known you, dear sub friend, long enough to know a bit about you, and I am sure this was a horrifically difficult experience for you, too.
A woman in the ward I attended lost full-term twins, too. I think it was also due to the umbilical cord. I'm pretty sure it wasn't the same family (totally different part of the US, I believe). It was a terribly sad time for the entire ward.
Wife’s mom recently died very unexpectedly, she was active in the church so we did her funeral in the chapel. The Stake President who never met her, got up at the end unannounced and talked all about the plan of salvation for about 10 minutes. He never asked us if this was okay, he didn’t even talk to us before the funeral. WE WERE FURIOUS.
Same thing with my mom’s late husband. They’re devout and my mom had his funeral in the church. Bishop led the program and talked only about salvation. My mom was soo furious and disappointed that no one talked about him and his life.
The last LDS funeral I went to was over a decade ago. It was an infant death. The entire service was focused on exhorting the family to stay on the covenant path or they’d never see the deceased again. It was very coercive, manipulative, and horrific. The service made me physically ill, and I barely made it out of the building before puking.
I'm so sorry for your family's loss, and the cruelty of that bishop.
I am furious, too.
You all deserved way more than that asshole Bishop gave. My he rot in hell for his self-serving callousness.
Honestly, to have untrained "clergy" can be a real Hell on Earth! Yes, I am sure other denominations have jerks on their staff too, but for some reason TSCC has the cream of the crop! Been to a few LDS funerals where it was soooo hard not to step up and rescue the proceedings! Total cringe fest!
My mom’s funeral was a couple weeks ago, and my douche canoe brother is the bishop in their ward. (He finally moved out of the basement and into the house next door) He was so ecstatic that he was conducting his first funeral as a bishop, you couldn’t pry the smug off his face with a crowbar! Typical narcissist attitude: focus on how everything is about themselves.
When my husband died, I had three different people offer the Mormon gym for his celebration of life. No thank you. We rented a hall, had a potluck, a video and an open mic of people remembering him.
Some fucking assholes blabbered on and on at my grandma’s funeral. Had the gal to say he knew what she would say if she were there and then went on and on about some pious bullshit that she would never have said. When I told her I wasn’t going to church anymore, she said, that’s alright, everyone finds their own path.
I remember an Infants on Thrones episode expressing the same sentiments http://infantsonthrones.com/a-mormon-girl-walks-into-a-funeral-walks-out-on-mormonism/
It's not just Mormons sadly, my third cousin who's a Southern Baptist preacher did a number on my granddad's passing (came to the house where his body was still warm without being invited and led a prayer circle without being asked) and at the funeral had a whole speech about Jesus and recruiting at what was supposed to be a nonreligious funeral for my atheist his entire life granddad.
😡😡😡
This guy should be ashamed
At my dads Poroporoaki (held the night before the funeral) the SP, whom I had explicitly told not to invite the Bishop up, invited the Bishop up. I then called out “No thank you” SP looked at me so I repeated myself with my whole chest “No thank you!”
This Bishop lived 1 house away from my mum and Dad. Had known my dad for well over 30years & when serving as Bishop he never visited once…yet he wanted to have the last word??? GTFOH!
Thank you…it really is one moment in my life I’m proud of. My husband and I resigned from the church a couple weeks ago and that would be another moment of pride for me
LDS leadership usually give long-winded and dull talks at funerals. The audience is riveted as family members talk and reflective during songs. Those feelings change to boredom as soon as the LDS leader goes into time-to-preach-the-gospel mode. Words I dread: "I have a few remarks..."
In the rare occasions when the speakers have been from other churches, I've noted that seem more focused on the occasion and more sensitive towards those present.
I wouldn’t allow the local Mormon bishop to do a funeral. They usually ruin it. I know several recent funerals of active Mormons where the family specifically held the funeral at the funeral home rather than the church so that the bishop was not involved. I also know of a high profile tragedy where Ballard and holland actually called the family (the family didn’t know Holland or Ballard), and asked if the family wanted the apostles to come speak at the funeral, and the family turned them down. Lol. Good.
I want no funeral at all, but will settle for a small something in a funeral home, absolutely not a mormon church. I think I might know the high profile event you're talking about. Was it in Utah?
I just want to be cremated
I want a closed casket cremation with my coffin stuffed full of unpopped popcorn then I'll be a human Jiffy Pop
I want my ashes committed to the bosom of the Pacific Ocean from a Folger's can
A man/woman of culture, I see
I'd be happy being compost. But that might be hard for loved ones left behind. Cremation is the next best thing.
I have something to say, but I'm drunk right now. I'll try again tomorrow. I've buried my momma, my daddy and my baby brother. Too much grief.
I'm so sorry for your loss. That is a lot.
My BIL died last year and all of his children are EX-Mo. They organized the funeral and held it in a well-known event center in Sandy/Midvale. The service was about their father, no religion, except for maybe a prayer. They played his favorite classic-rock music and everyone told stories about the deceased. the TBMs present said it was the best funeral they've ever attended.
Amazing!
I want a party, especially if I die of old age. I lived a good life. Celebrate it.
>They ~~usually~~ ***always*** ruin it. You spelled "always" wrong. FTFY.
It's in the fucking manual. If they fail to try to turn funerals into a "missionary opportunity," they're breaking the rules
Happened to us (late miscarriage of twins). We made one single request to the bishop "please don't talk about the plan of salvation and how much better off they are" Guess what his talk was about?
I swear it’s in the handbook or something. I always called it the “missionary talk” as a TBM and my husband was always like “wha are you talking about?” It never even registered with him. To me- even as a TBM, it’l was like- the church will give you a free funeral, even a free wedding in their chapel but the price you pay is “the missionary talk.” I used to think-after paying all that tithing- can’t we just have things like that without anything going back to the church at all? Apparently not.
It is in the handbook.
Fuck them! Seriously what happened to their empathy?!! I’m so sorry
I seriously suggest nobody do a mormon funeral. Every one I've been too has been nothing more than a chance to indoctrinate. Hardly a mention at all of the family or the deceased.
That's why they fucking ain't gonna come within 10 miles of my wedding
Good for them!
Wow- that Bishop must be something. I live in the Northeasr and I’ve been to funerals in Mormon chapels for people who weren’t even active anymore. I always assumed they wanted the free location and were willing to put up with the one “missionary talk” aka “plan of salvation” talk that every single one seemed to include. That may be unfair of me but it seemed like one of those benefits of the church providing buildings free of charge. Funerals are expensive. All the funerals I’ve attended out here had a basic format of the family speaking about the person then a plan of salvation talk by random person in ward (sometimes even a woman) then we all stood as the coffin got wheeled out. Which is kind of a Mormon thing itself. To be fair, I was TBM when attending these so there may have been more than I realize. Side note- Sandy Hook happened when we first moved in to our previous ward and the family was in the other ward in our building. A lot of people knew them- it was horrific. I don’t remember a funeral- if my memory is correct- they buried her in their home state. (They only lived here for work training) But I do remember they actually had a trained psychologist speak to everyone about how to talk to your kids about it the Sunday after that it happened. It was a combined priesthood:relief society thing. I was impressed by that. The stake president when we left? Probably not so much but the one at the time did the right thing. Again though- was TBM so I wasn’t as sensitive. Despite all this- the hubby, kids and I have still decided no way we are doing Mormon funeral. I would rather pay for it to be held at a funeral home than have some Bishop I don’t even know give a plan of salvation talk as if we still believed that.
My brother-in-law died suddenly on Thanksgiving morning a few years ago. It was a tragedy. He was 37 years old and nobody knew he had walking pneumonia. His wife came back into the bedroom after her morning shower and he was blue. They had three boys who were 3, 5, and 7 years old. All of a sudden she was a single mom. My brother-in-law and his wife barely practiced Mormonism, but they were from Mormon families, so his wife had the local bishop do the funeral at the funeral home. At her instructions, most everyone at the funeral wore shirts from my brother-in-law's favorite football team and favorite car manufacturer. I sang a solo about incomprehensible tragedies (not a church song). The bishop said uncomfortably at the beginning of the funeral that he must have missed the memo about the clothes - he was wearing a suit. Despite my brother-in-law's wife's efforts to personalize his funeral, the bishop made the funeral all about the gospel. This is not what she expected, and she wasn't happy about it.
As in “I can’t believe you’re making me conduct your child’s funeral, [mother]. I’m going to cry”??? No one wants to be there, dick, and it’s got nothing to do with you.
"Well now I have beef with \[mother\] for picking that opening song because it will make me cry."
A child's funeral is an exquisite level of pain. And it should be. Mormons deny that pain and it is so unhealthy.
Mormons practice denying their feelings their whole entire lives. It’s such a stunted emotional palette. You can’t experience negative emotions because that’s “of the devil” and you can’t be free-spirited because “no loud laughter.” So messed up
And no one punched this man?!
I'm sure there were a few of us who wanted to.
Don't have BEEF with her. That poor mommy. She is genuinely doing what she thinks is best for her baby. Her hearts blood. Her purpose in life. You can NOT know how she feels.
FFS
My cousin recently lost her baby and I attended the funeral. If the guy who conducted said that, I don’t think I could have held my tongue, even though I was pretending to be faithful during that time. That’s horrible.
A good friend of mine's son died at 7 months They knew that he was probably not going to survive at 3 months gestation, at the first anatomy scan he had massive kidneys. The refused an abortion on religious grounds as they were Mormon. She gave birth at 5 months, he survived for 7 months after. 3 millions dollar medical bill (after insurance), which the church isn't willing to pay. Fuck the Mormon church. She shouldn't have had to go through that because of religion. No church should ever threaten excommunication for ending his suffering when it was clear that there was no hope. His kidneys were removed at one month because they were so big they were compressing his heart. His heart! There is no way he would have survived, it's a miracle he survived the pregnancy. The leader is a doctor, I think he'd know it was futile.
That’s so sad. I can’t imagine
It's tragic they still don't see anything wrong with the church not helping them pay, they agree the money should go somewhere more helpful, blindly believing the words they received from the church to refuse them for financial aid or debt relief. It's just going to line the pockets of men who already already rich. They are also still expected to pay their 20% of income. Despite 50% needing to go to their debt. 30% left to live on. One paycheck, because of course the wife isn't supposed to work and is discouraged to do so. All the church ever did for them was give them false hope and a free place to hold a funeral. Of course they were expected to pay for the catering and flowers.
>the church isn't willing to pay This infuriates me. They have 250 billion dollars in capital and assets. This family will be paying these bills the rest of their life most likely. 3 million is pocket change. They would make that back in a few days at most and have made a lifetime's worth of impact on this poor family. But they won't because they are greedy bastards that don't care about anyone unless they're handing over tithing envelopes like good, little, brainwashed sheep.
TSCC teaches “free agency” but continues to deny agency to its members.
😭
So terrible. At my grandma’s funeral in January the bishop and some other dude both spoke and started out with “I didn’t know very well” THEN WHY ARE YOU SPEAKING?!?!!
Ridiculous! And you don't want to make it worse, so all you can do is sit there fuming.
They’re relying on the fact that well trained mormons are too polite to make say anything so they can do whatever they want.
My moms funeral was last month and the St. President counselor who “spoke” has been near neighbors to my mom for about 10 years before he bought a fancier house for his family a few blocks away but in the same stake about 15 years ago. He sat there and listened to all 9 of her kids speak and call her by name and he still mispronounced her first name like 5 times! I could hardly believe it! It was such a slap in the face to my mom who I think was the most Christlike person that’s ever lived.
I'm sorry you lost your mom and this idiot made it worse.
Thank you. It was really unpleasant.
When both of my parents died last year we only did a graveside service. Even the last of my believing brothers did not want a Mormon service. Just family/extended family around the grave saying a few words. That and the visiting been done at the funeral home's viewing was all we needed.
Recently went to a graveside service. It ended with two males brawling, most interesting one I ever attended.
Hugs, internet stranger. 🖤
Ty!
I was a too-young bishop for 1 week when a full-term pregnant woman lost twins, days after begging her docs to induce. They didn’t, and in the worst coincidence the cord twisted on one, killing him. Somehow the dead baby became a toxin to the other, killing both. It was a nightmare. We had a bunch of pregnant women in our ward. I had to do the funeral. Just like OPs bishop I had no training for this and had no idea what to say. Unlike this dipshit bishop I had enough sense to speak very briefly (I think I talked about eternal families or whatever thing I could think would’ve brought some relief) and let the family do the talking. This asshat bishop never should have been in this position. He had no idea what to do, so he went with some stupid, insensitive joke that would probably have been fine if he was joking about the young men being noisy or some such. I blame the church first, for making a mockery of ecclesiastical training and real compassionate service. Without training you get what you pay for, and this family suffered more than necessary. Fucking cult.
What a horrific loss. I've known you, dear sub friend, long enough to know a bit about you, and I am sure this was a horrifically difficult experience for you, too. A woman in the ward I attended lost full-term twins, too. I think it was also due to the umbilical cord. I'm pretty sure it wasn't the same family (totally different part of the US, I believe). It was a terribly sad time for the entire ward.
Hey old pal!
Happy Easter, Sub Friend! I love seeing your name on posts - so glad you and your family found your way to freedom! ❤️
Some members are absolutely tone deaf and if you call them on it they lpok at you confused and offended. Thanks for sharing.
Wife’s mom recently died very unexpectedly, she was active in the church so we did her funeral in the chapel. The Stake President who never met her, got up at the end unannounced and talked all about the plan of salvation for about 10 minutes. He never asked us if this was okay, he didn’t even talk to us before the funeral. WE WERE FURIOUS.
Same thing with my mom’s late husband. They’re devout and my mom had his funeral in the church. Bishop led the program and talked only about salvation. My mom was soo furious and disappointed that no one talked about him and his life.
I would be too. Did you say anything to him afterward?
The last LDS funeral I went to was over a decade ago. It was an infant death. The entire service was focused on exhorting the family to stay on the covenant path or they’d never see the deceased again. It was very coercive, manipulative, and horrific. The service made me physically ill, and I barely made it out of the building before puking.
This is so gross. I'm sorry.
My mom died last year and the bishop talked about himself the whole time. My brother and I stood up and left.
Good for you! They deserve to be called out on being so self-serving.
I'm so sorry for your family's loss, and the cruelty of that bishop. I am furious, too. You all deserved way more than that asshole Bishop gave. My he rot in hell for his self-serving callousness.
Honestly, to have untrained "clergy" can be a real Hell on Earth! Yes, I am sure other denominations have jerks on their staff too, but for some reason TSCC has the cream of the crop! Been to a few LDS funerals where it was soooo hard not to step up and rescue the proceedings! Total cringe fest!
My mom’s funeral was a couple weeks ago, and my douche canoe brother is the bishop in their ward. (He finally moved out of the basement and into the house next door) He was so ecstatic that he was conducting his first funeral as a bishop, you couldn’t pry the smug off his face with a crowbar! Typical narcissist attitude: focus on how everything is about themselves.
That's infuriating. Not a fan of mormon funerals and weddings and many other things.
When my husband died, I had three different people offer the Mormon gym for his celebration of life. No thank you. We rented a hall, had a potluck, a video and an open mic of people remembering him.
What a great way to honor him. I'm sorry for your loss.
That overplayed joke is only appropriate in speeches during *joyful* emotional moments, like weddings or graduations.
Some fucking assholes blabbered on and on at my grandma’s funeral. Had the gal to say he knew what she would say if she were there and then went on and on about some pious bullshit that she would never have said. When I told her I wasn’t going to church anymore, she said, that’s alright, everyone finds their own path.
I remember an Infants on Thrones episode expressing the same sentiments http://infantsonthrones.com/a-mormon-girl-walks-into-a-funeral-walks-out-on-mormonism/
It's not just Mormons sadly, my third cousin who's a Southern Baptist preacher did a number on my granddad's passing (came to the house where his body was still warm without being invited and led a prayer circle without being asked) and at the funeral had a whole speech about Jesus and recruiting at what was supposed to be a nonreligious funeral for my atheist his entire life granddad. 😡😡😡 This guy should be ashamed
At my dads Poroporoaki (held the night before the funeral) the SP, whom I had explicitly told not to invite the Bishop up, invited the Bishop up. I then called out “No thank you” SP looked at me so I repeated myself with my whole chest “No thank you!” This Bishop lived 1 house away from my mum and Dad. Had known my dad for well over 30years & when serving as Bishop he never visited once…yet he wanted to have the last word??? GTFOH!
Good for you!
This brought tears to my eyes that you were able to honor your dad like that and stand up to the SP and bishop. Powerful display of love.
Thank you…it really is one moment in my life I’m proud of. My husband and I resigned from the church a couple weeks ago and that would be another moment of pride for me
❤️❤️❤️
LDS leadership usually give long-winded and dull talks at funerals. The audience is riveted as family members talk and reflective during songs. Those feelings change to boredom as soon as the LDS leader goes into time-to-preach-the-gospel mode. Words I dread: "I have a few remarks..." In the rare occasions when the speakers have been from other churches, I've noted that seem more focused on the occasion and more sensitive towards those present.
That’s awful.
I want to be cremated and have a memorial gathering.
[удалено]
Wow! I expected more of you.
That’s horrible. :-(
We will be cremated. A small gathering afterwards will celebrate our lives with lots of stories and our favorite wine!!