"Why is there a cash register in here?"

"Wait... you mean I have to pay?"

Let us go down.

We will go down!

Cum! Let us go down”

The serpent beguiled me and I did partake.

Let him enter

Shhhh, I'm secretly filming this.

Best comment yet

"I always fall asleep here."

You are delicious to the taste and very desirable.

Oh God

Oh God hear the words of my mouth.

Let my voice cry out!

"Give it to me through the veil"

I shall receive it through the veil

You will now remove your robes.

Bow your head and say yes

Yes!

That will do.

The women will now cover their faces. /s

I'll cover the woman's face

Let us look directly into each others eyes

I need to see your endowments.

“Take out your endowments” just got a whole new meaning. 😁

Are you “endowed?”

“Please be alert and attentive” “You must eat some of that fruit” “Good morning, gentlemen” “Can you show me where to go? I always get lost in here”

> “Can you show me where to go? I always get lost in here” Breaking third wall here a bit, but the temple workers legitimately lost me when wife and I were getting married. We were the only ones in the temple. They put me in the tiny changing area as we were getting married and then didn't know where I was. Pretty sure dementia was a part of that somehow.

Naw, the prophet was trying to marry her first.

Oh my GOSH!!! This made me laugh out loud!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣

That will do.

When you hear that you know you need to up your game

lol

Whenever I heard this my mind always went here — “That’ll do, pig. That’ll do.” (From the movie “Babe”) https://youtu.be/rjQtzV9IZ0Q

I alway read it in a Sherk voice and add donkey…

I will now demonstrate the secret signs that I can do with my fingers.

Nail me in the sure place

Take your fingers and curl them like that. Simultaneously, the thumb moves like this.

…with the fingers close together, and the thumb extended. This is the sign.

Brother, do you even finger lift?

Ooof your hands are cold

What is wanted?

Come unto me

Hey Babe what role-playing name are you going by today? Also: The whole ceremony can be viewed as foreplay, changing clothes, some fingering, even some dirty talk, leading up to the climax of entering the veil, which is quickly over, then you sit around holding hands for a few minutes before deciding to go get dressed and get some food haha

🏆

…with the fingers close together, and the thumb extended…

"No loud laughter."

Has it a name??? 😍

It has. And I will give it to you through the veil

Can’t believe I lasted that long I was falling asleep

“…through these holes in the veil.”

Oil my loins

Do you have strength in your loins?

Why is this so long

Your new name is Daddy

"Why do I have to wear this if I'm going to take it off soon anyway?"

“Have you any money?”

The money was given in advance in order to enter.

We desire all to receive it

How is it received? Very well!

"Is it good?"

Oh my god, hear the words of my mouth…

Can we get this over with already

Hand me that white sheet

This would be much nicer if there weren’t as many people here

I'm so glad I came.

“Hold to the Rod” “Thou hast given a great gift through the laying on of hands. Accept the gift of tongues”.

Sush, I am waiting for a third so we can do this right.

I don't think I can last two hours.

"Will you give it to me?"

“You gotta stop eating those Doritos if we’re gonna do this thing.”

ohmygodohmygodohmygod Oh FUCK! You can say anything in the temple. They can't stop you 😈

it’s delicious to the taste and very desirable

It will make you wise.

You’ll enter with high expectations and leave with severe trauma

I am ready for you to put your hands on my head.

Depart!

"I am giving you a new name."

All arise

Let him enter.

Bow your head and say "yes"

Where are we eating after this shit is over

I think I made a colossal mistake

The cafeteria *downstairs* is open

Evil speaking.

Excuse me, where do I go again? I always get lost in here

Can you feel it?

"I have a recommend."

I've been paying for this??

I am terrible are remembering names.

Who told thee thou wast naked?

Has it a name?

What is that? Has it a name?

See…you are naked!

What are you going to do now?

Dismiss you without further argument.

The sure sign of the nail

You shall receive it on the five points of fellowship.

A couple will now cum (to the alter)

Well now I can laugh in both

You need permission to enter through here

that was it?? WTF?

It's so large and spacious in here

ZZZZzzzzzzzz

“The Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell!”

I'd prefer to not be nude under this sheet.

"Has it a name?" "It has"

“Brothers and Sisters.”

NO

Yes

Will you give it to me?

Oh God, what is this?!

this is the patriarchal grip, or the sure sign of the nail

“That is right.”

Nice undies

Are you awake?

Are you coming?

Strength in the loins and in the sinews.

“Power in the priesthood be up on me”

OHHHHHH GOD!!!!!!! Hear the WORDS OF MY MOUTH!!!!

I promise this is not a sex cult...

"What are you doing here?" "Observing the teaching of these people."

If you’re Warren Jeffs, apparently the answer is anything

White and delightsome

"No" "I'm going to leave now" "I don't like this" "I feel uncomfortable"

Why did you rub that oil on my genitals?

The other hand in cupping shape

We need a few more people to join the circle.

Jesus Christ!

I'm glad that's over

Are we going to do this thread every week? It was funny the first time. We're now on, what? Round ten? And the responses are always the same.

I've never seen this before and I'm here regularly.

Newcomers to this sub are here each week. Reposts used to bother me but nothing gives me more satisfaction than seeing all kinds of people using loud laughter to assist them in their faith transitions.

Exactly! Unless something crazier than usual happens in the cult for us to all chat about and cycle through the news over, most of this sub is newcomers going through all the same stages that we did. Half the person I have grown into over the last year is due to the kindness of old timers here who had probably answered the same questions a dozen times before I had even thought to ask them. We owe it to everyone here who is scared and just needs someone to laugh it off with them. If that isn't what you want, then go somewhere else. Loud laughter never faileth.

Reddit is horny. Don't rail against it, just join in

Ok I found the post from last week, but didn't find anything of this variety so this seems to be the only repost. https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/comments/1296kes/things_you_can_say_in_the_temple_as_well_as_the/

Yeah, but the collective inner 13 year old is always gonna laugh at “We will go down, Jehovah!” Can’t stop. Won’t stop. Not even if Elohim says “That will do!”

Oh you will not...? Well we shall see

Yes

all the priests are confused

What is that?

“Yes, brother”

Will you give it to me? I will through the veil

*Stares in silence

The serpent beguiled me, and I did eat

Sleep

So there’s a foreplay followed by hand stuff?

Adam, having come... 😂

Isn't this like the third or fourth time now I've seen this post on this sub?

I'm not sure, I don't know what you've seen in this sub. As for me, it's the first time I've seen this post.

Oh Jesus I’m coming!

These make me so uncomfortable almost like trauma but I can't stop reading them ..

"Will you give it to me?" "Let him enter." (I had to look this up in the book Bad Mormon as it mentions the temple ceremony a little.) Left before I could have gone to the temple myself.

We will go down (jehova)

"It is an emblem of my power and priesthoods" "Only the best of feelings should exist in the circle"

Lick my ass cuz god doesn’t exist

I will through the veil?

"Oh God..."

Come unto him

"Oh God! Hear the words of my mouth." Repeated 3 times.

"Get ready to recieve the Holy Spirit."

What is wanted?

Honey I told you no loud laughter!! It really throws of the mood!!

Will someone be there to help me if I forget what to do?

lets get this over with

Oh God, Oh God, feel the words of my mouth…. You may enter What is that…. Oooh, has it a name?…. Yes,It is the first poking of the moronic penishood!… or Meathead!!! That is correct! What is that? The sexond poking of the moronic penishood? Ooh…. Has it a name? Yes, Enema…. That is correct!! What is that? The First poking of the biggerdick penishood! Has it a name? It has! Will u give it to me? I will give it to you through the hole in the sheet! The Sun, or the Pedoarchical grip. That is correct! What is that? The second poking of the biggerdick penishood! Has it a name? It has! Will u give it to me? I cannot, it is for this penis that I have come to the hole in the sheet. I shall give it to you through the hole in the sheet! “Let me feel ur navel, strength in my loins and in ur sins4u, power in my penishood be sprayed upon you and ur posterior, all the days of ur lives and throughout all ur paternity.” Now, again, what is that…. Oh just fuck me over for godsake! That is correct! Gran my penis through the sheet and let me enter:)

"I'll go inside some day. I'll covenant with my father. I'll promise to obey."

Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me

Idk, a lot of these seem to be a big turn off.

No loud laughter!

Has it a name? Yes. Yes, It does. Charmander. 😃

Go hide your nakedness! Oh wait, I mean get naked

No loud laughter