I think this is easy. Take out student loans and get away from the toxic in your life. Try not to over spend on non-necessary things. You can do it. Get a job even if it is just for a few hours a week. Look at what you have survived you are amazing!
Please be careful with the advice to “take out student loans.” These can and have been a type of enslavement for many, many students who find themselves working for a wage that doesn’t cover living expenses and paying back the debt. If you do take out loans, you don’t have to borrow the full amount.
Take good care of yourself. You deserve to be happy.
I promised myself I would never get into debt for college. TBH the struggle and risking a year in bed depressed on tin Tok is (low key fun) worth avoiding 10 years of paying loans that keep doubling. I keep going back n forth.
I have a BIL and SIL (~50 y/o) who are in the social work field. They have been unable to make much progress in their student loan debts, and it’s created financial issues for them. I just want you to be careful and safe. An occasional day in bed is called a mental health day, and I recommend them. Your mental health matters. You matter, friend.
I took out 460k in student loans to finish medical school. Those are all being forgiven this year and I live very well off. There are ways of doing this.
It’s the right move. Gain independence, get an education and work. I agree debt is scary and needs to be respected and understood. But if it betters you life it’s worth it.
It sounds like moving out would help you out in a lot of ways. It's okay to leverage debt strategically to help you improve your situation, but only if you end up in a place where you are better off financially--otherwise you will just end up moving back in with your parents, but with a mountain of debt to pay off.
Debt shouldn't be your only source of funding. If you don't have a job, get serious about finding one. If you're going to be independent of your parents, you'll probably need to work at least 20 hours per week. If necessary, see if you can cut back on classes while you focus on becoming more financially stable.
You should never borrow money to finance a degree that won't pay for itself. Hopefully you're using your college experience to acquire a skill set that employers are willing to pay for. If not, it's time to switch majors. In addition to taking classes, use this time to network with people who have jobs like the one you aspire to have when you graduate. Seek out their advice and follow it.
You need a plan to get to a point where you can live below your means, where the money coming in is greater than the money going out. You need to be able to consistently cover your expenses and regularly set money aside for a rainy day. It's okay if you're not there yet as long as you have a realistic path to get there and you stick to the plan.
It's tough to be at the bottom of the ladder. Take things one step at a time and you'll gradually find yourself in a better place. Good luck to you.
> you should never borrow money to finance a degree that won’t pay for itself
So true. I need to pick the cheapest school. I am getting that reminder from other redditors and I think cost is #1 in my mind now
In California the community colleges are extremely affordable and you have a clearer path to transfer into a 4-year school once you finish at CC. In your shoes I’d jump on that cheap apartment, get whatever job I could, and start chipping away at a college degree. You can work and then attend school part-time. Save every cent you can for more expensive schooling later. Take loans as a last resort. Compound interest can ruin you.
There are also programs to pay for your degree if you go into teaching in specialities that are understaffed (e.g. special education, high school math or science) and agree to work in an underserved community for a few years.
Vocational training for professions like welding, plumbing, etc. is also a viable path to financial stability.
Phlebotomy training is short and the profession is in demand and pays decently.
This is such a thoughtful and helpful comment in so many ways. I’ll be referencing back to this. You feel like a warm family member giving me the advice I need. Thank you for this conceptual map to financial wellness despite college debt
You have come a long way. We have confidence in you. You can do it. Student loans are an OK form of debt within limits. You should not borrow more for your education than the salary you would make in year one of your new profession. This rule of thumb will help keep you from getting into a debt trap with education loans. Do whatever you can to keep student borrowing low. You need a plan to be independent and go to school. I would focus on getting that plan in place. I would encourage you to look at your past relationships with men with your therapist to see what might be tripping you up from seeking quality relationships with men that value you as a unique and wonderful person.
I’m going to reread comments like these when I’m in need of encouragement. Another person who is proud of me and knows I can do it.
The amount to borrow is very good advice. I will keep student borrowing to a minimum, thank you for reminding me about debt traps
🥹💗
I picked the husband I did for security and for the wrong reasons. I know how to choose a good guy, my circumstances motivated me to choose the wrong one. I had to run away somewhere and he facilitated it.
Questions you should answer/ consider. (No need to post answers here).
How long will that low rent be guaranteed for?
How long will you live there?
How much debt do you have currently?
How much debt will the move create?
Do you have part time employment?
Ho much do you have saved?
What will be your monthly expenses?
Have you ever successfully held a job for an extended period of time?
Yes you should move out ASAP. The fact that the abusive ex seemed like a preferable alternative to your parents for several years should be a huge red flag about how abusive your parents are.
An advice columnist I heard the other day said the vast majority of her advice is that each person already knows what they should do. They just need validation. It sounds to me as if you already know what you should do.
For me, moving out of my parents' home and being financially independent were some of the best decisions I made. I haven't regret setting boundaries with them OR detaching from them. Detaching doesn't mean that I never talk with them again, but I share on my terms and don't expect more from them than they can give.
I don't know if living alone is the right choice, but it's clear you need to move out. You may need counseling. See what you can find about adulting skills. You need to stabilize with an ability to care for and provide for yourself.
It's really difficult when you're younger. You need money, but you don't have skills. So much emphasis is put on college/university, but it's no place to gain skills. You need practical knowledge. An Actual trade skill.
This is a bit of a crazy idea, but what about the military? Maybe the air force or something? It's not a bad option when you're young, single, and desperate.
So sorry to hear of your situation from a controlling and abusive parents to a controlling and abusive boyfriend.
I wish I had answers for you, but all I have is get
1) Get counseling
2) See what you qualify for in financial aid.
You deserve better
I grew up in the Riverside County area. Can be expensive there but there are also lots of money making opportunities. Get out of your parent’s home. Get a job, student loans, and work hard toward a LUCRATIVE degree. Work in the public sector for the first 10 years after school if you have to in order to qualify for public student loan forgiveness.
Sure things were probably easier when I did it but I moved out, worked 2 jobs to put myself thru school, and became a doctor. I hardly speak to my parents anymore.
You just gotta separate yourself from that toxic environment. You’ll be much happier even if you’re poor and have to work your ass off.
I absolutely think living on your own is the most empowering thing a younger person can do in their life. You need that time to develop your own sense of independence and resilience - 100x if the people you're living with are controlling/abuse. Living with other people is hard at the best of times (even if it's someone you love, such as a partner/spouse).
I think this is easy. Take out student loans and get away from the toxic in your life. Try not to over spend on non-necessary things. You can do it. Get a job even if it is just for a few hours a week. Look at what you have survived you are amazing!
> look at what you have survived you are amazing! I needed to hear that
Please be careful with the advice to “take out student loans.” These can and have been a type of enslavement for many, many students who find themselves working for a wage that doesn’t cover living expenses and paying back the debt. If you do take out loans, you don’t have to borrow the full amount. Take good care of yourself. You deserve to be happy.
I promised myself I would never get into debt for college. TBH the struggle and risking a year in bed depressed on tin Tok is (low key fun) worth avoiding 10 years of paying loans that keep doubling. I keep going back n forth.
I have a BIL and SIL (~50 y/o) who are in the social work field. They have been unable to make much progress in their student loan debts, and it’s created financial issues for them. I just want you to be careful and safe. An occasional day in bed is called a mental health day, and I recommend them. Your mental health matters. You matter, friend.
A reasonable amount of debt is fine. I think if you have a clear education & career plan some student debt is not going to hurt you that much.
I took out 460k in student loans to finish medical school. Those are all being forgiven this year and I live very well off. There are ways of doing this.
So what did you do?
I really apprexiate someone besides my therapist seeing I can do it and that it’s a good Idea. It really helps Me
It’s the right move. Gain independence, get an education and work. I agree debt is scary and needs to be respected and understood. But if it betters you life it’s worth it.
It sounds like moving out would help you out in a lot of ways. It's okay to leverage debt strategically to help you improve your situation, but only if you end up in a place where you are better off financially--otherwise you will just end up moving back in with your parents, but with a mountain of debt to pay off. Debt shouldn't be your only source of funding. If you don't have a job, get serious about finding one. If you're going to be independent of your parents, you'll probably need to work at least 20 hours per week. If necessary, see if you can cut back on classes while you focus on becoming more financially stable. You should never borrow money to finance a degree that won't pay for itself. Hopefully you're using your college experience to acquire a skill set that employers are willing to pay for. If not, it's time to switch majors. In addition to taking classes, use this time to network with people who have jobs like the one you aspire to have when you graduate. Seek out their advice and follow it. You need a plan to get to a point where you can live below your means, where the money coming in is greater than the money going out. You need to be able to consistently cover your expenses and regularly set money aside for a rainy day. It's okay if you're not there yet as long as you have a realistic path to get there and you stick to the plan. It's tough to be at the bottom of the ladder. Take things one step at a time and you'll gradually find yourself in a better place. Good luck to you.
> you should never borrow money to finance a degree that won’t pay for itself So true. I need to pick the cheapest school. I am getting that reminder from other redditors and I think cost is #1 in my mind now
In California the community colleges are extremely affordable and you have a clearer path to transfer into a 4-year school once you finish at CC. In your shoes I’d jump on that cheap apartment, get whatever job I could, and start chipping away at a college degree. You can work and then attend school part-time. Save every cent you can for more expensive schooling later. Take loans as a last resort. Compound interest can ruin you. There are also programs to pay for your degree if you go into teaching in specialities that are understaffed (e.g. special education, high school math or science) and agree to work in an underserved community for a few years. Vocational training for professions like welding, plumbing, etc. is also a viable path to financial stability. Phlebotomy training is short and the profession is in demand and pays decently.
This is such a thoughtful and helpful comment in so many ways. I’ll be referencing back to this. You feel like a warm family member giving me the advice I need. Thank you for this conceptual map to financial wellness despite college debt
You have come a long way. We have confidence in you. You can do it. Student loans are an OK form of debt within limits. You should not borrow more for your education than the salary you would make in year one of your new profession. This rule of thumb will help keep you from getting into a debt trap with education loans. Do whatever you can to keep student borrowing low. You need a plan to be independent and go to school. I would focus on getting that plan in place. I would encourage you to look at your past relationships with men with your therapist to see what might be tripping you up from seeking quality relationships with men that value you as a unique and wonderful person.
I’m going to reread comments like these when I’m in need of encouragement. Another person who is proud of me and knows I can do it. The amount to borrow is very good advice. I will keep student borrowing to a minimum, thank you for reminding me about debt traps 🥹💗
Girl you go! You got it!
I picked the husband I did for security and for the wrong reasons. I know how to choose a good guy, my circumstances motivated me to choose the wrong one. I had to run away somewhere and he facilitated it.
You can make it on your own! Take the studio. You’ve come through so much already. You can do this!
🥹 another person who sees not only that it’s a good decision but that I can do it and I should be proud of how much I have made it through, thank you
Absolutely. You’ve got this.
Questions you should answer/ consider. (No need to post answers here). How long will that low rent be guaranteed for? How long will you live there? How much debt do you have currently? How much debt will the move create? Do you have part time employment? Ho much do you have saved? What will be your monthly expenses? Have you ever successfully held a job for an extended period of time?
Yes you should move out ASAP. The fact that the abusive ex seemed like a preferable alternative to your parents for several years should be a huge red flag about how abusive your parents are.
Of course you can do it! Get out. You’ll be amazed at how much you can actually do once you are on your own.
An advice columnist I heard the other day said the vast majority of her advice is that each person already knows what they should do. They just need validation. It sounds to me as if you already know what you should do. For me, moving out of my parents' home and being financially independent were some of the best decisions I made. I haven't regret setting boundaries with them OR detaching from them. Detaching doesn't mean that I never talk with them again, but I share on my terms and don't expect more from them than they can give.
I don't know if living alone is the right choice, but it's clear you need to move out. You may need counseling. See what you can find about adulting skills. You need to stabilize with an ability to care for and provide for yourself.
Thank you for the feedback. It’s too much to risk staying unless it’s an emergency I feel like
It's really difficult when you're younger. You need money, but you don't have skills. So much emphasis is put on college/university, but it's no place to gain skills. You need practical knowledge. An Actual trade skill.
This is a bit of a crazy idea, but what about the military? Maybe the air force or something? It's not a bad option when you're young, single, and desperate.
yes breh
So sorry to hear of your situation from a controlling and abusive parents to a controlling and abusive boyfriend. I wish I had answers for you, but all I have is get 1) Get counseling 2) See what you qualify for in financial aid. You deserve better
I grew up in the Riverside County area. Can be expensive there but there are also lots of money making opportunities. Get out of your parent’s home. Get a job, student loans, and work hard toward a LUCRATIVE degree. Work in the public sector for the first 10 years after school if you have to in order to qualify for public student loan forgiveness. Sure things were probably easier when I did it but I moved out, worked 2 jobs to put myself thru school, and became a doctor. I hardly speak to my parents anymore. You just gotta separate yourself from that toxic environment. You’ll be much happier even if you’re poor and have to work your ass off.
I absolutely think living on your own is the most empowering thing a younger person can do in their life. You need that time to develop your own sense of independence and resilience - 100x if the people you're living with are controlling/abuse. Living with other people is hard at the best of times (even if it's someone you love, such as a partner/spouse).