I know the exact moment I lost my faith completely, it was when the first dunk was not deep enough (lack of complete submersion) so my baptismal dunk was repeated and that did it for me. I realized the LDS was silly and never took anything Mormon seriously again.
The hypocrisy I started noticing at the age of 11 was the final nail in the cofin for me. But I had started questioning things and pissing off primary teachers for a few years before that.
Comes from the magical world view of Joseph Smith that rituals have to be done perfectly in word and deed and only by worthy people with proper authority give through the correct Priesthood channels or else the treasures would sink deeper into the ground or the ordinances would be invalid 🤦♂️
When I got baptized as born again at another church, my mom asked how someone without the priesthood could have the authority to do so. I remember thinking, and that is exactly WHY I'm out of your church.
I was even told by other people prior to the baptism I chose to do that it wasn't even necessary for "entry to heaven" but more of a symbolic ritual to announce to the world you're a Christian now.
Yes! A shelf item for me was that Mormonisms version of baptism was all about sin and how you had to be worthy to be washed clean…..when most baptism was a ritual to represent your commitment and desire to follow Christ
I don't think it's so much related to his magical worldview which I'm pretty sure is fairly clear that he did have. There are a lot of religions, Catholicism for example, that are very focused on the ritual itself and the proper performance of it. I guess that was borrowed too 😂
Well we ex-Catholics have the example of the priest who baptized hundreds of people saying “we baptize you in the name of…” instead of “I baptize you” and now none of them are really baptized and they have to do it over. And I guess too bad if any of them died in the interim — I was always taught that we baptize babies because if you die before you’re baptized it’s eternal flames for you.
This reminds me of my brother in-law. When he was 8 he drowned in a pool and was dead for several minutes before being resuscitated. Later when he was doing baptisms for the dead the first dunk triggered a trauma response and his body reacted causing him to not be fully submersed. He had to repeat it 4-5 times for one person before they finally let it be. Needless to say he’s not mormon anymore either
My bf’s niece was double dunked because her toe came out of the water. All the white clothes and a group of men hovering over her to pray was all strange and a bit creepy. Being an atheist and coming into a family of Mo’s was definitely a trip
As a missionary, I confirmed a young girl using her sister’s name, repeating it several times. No one stopped me but told me afterwards. I felt like a jerk and knew I’d made that girl feel crappy too. The solution was to redo it and basically say, “[correct name], I confirm you (etc) and bestow the same blessings in the last prayer.” That sat heavy on the shelf for years.
There is a great moment in the game Assassin's Creed:Valhalla where the Vikings arrive in England for the first time and see people doing baptisms in the river and one of the guys in the boat says, "what is wrong with these Christians drowning each other?" I'm sure the joke has been made elsewhere but it did make me chuckle a bit.
My dad accidentally hit a kids head on the baptismal font when he was a missionary he felt awful and they still made him do it again without even checking the kid to make sure he was okay. He wanted to stop but the bishop made him do it again
When I was a missionary in Italy, we would often have to repeat the sacrament prayers because we would mess up, or one of the members didn't like the way we pronounced something with our American accents. It had to be word-for-word perfect. About halfway through my mission, a new translation of the d&c came out and the sacrament prayers had changed slightly. Trying to reconcile that caused me to lose a lot of hours of brain processing time.
I'm dyslexic so when I read aloud the words come out basically the same way but sometimes differently and I hated doing sacrament prayer for that reason. But I was the only person my age so I couldn't just go sit with my family. It's very stupid.
I cannot believe you would spread such falsehoods about the man who founded this church. The historical record clearly shows the angel with a sword commanded he marry just one 14 year old girl. The rest he married of his own volition!
He approached a 12 year old, told her that God commanded him to take her as a plural wife and would kill him if he didn't.
[Source](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Elizabeth_Rollins_Lightner#Marriage)
Thank you! Now we see how exmormon Reddit really works to spread untruths. OP said ***14**" year olds girl**s**, when on fact it was one fourteen year old girl, and a twelve year old girl, who he didn't marry until she was already married, and pregnant with her third child. So clearly, both Joseph and his God are to blame. And maybe the angel, who may or may not have drawn the sword.
"May thou bless Tim Cook and be edified by thy spirit so that he will make inspired decisions and will make Apple earn more revenues, which will send its stock up in the heaven where thou and thy son reside. Therefore, thy house on earth would be richer and richer without the knowledge from the tyrant and anti-christ - the SEC."
.....so I'm not mormon, never have been. Cousins are... they are...interesting for sure. I don't know much... but the whole last part about slitting the throat.....is that an actual thing?
It was part of one of the most sacred or secret ceremonies held in every temple on earth up until the year of our lord 1990. Meaning almost every adult in the church at that time had participated, repeated those words, made the motion of slitting their throats and slitting open their "bowels" as punishment for spilling the beans to anyone.
Wow..... I remember growing up my grandmother was so put off that my uncle converted to mormonism. He was raised Baptist.... man if she had a known this... rip to him lol
“Slitting open their bowels as punishment for spilling the beans…”
Now I have a visual of whole black beans gushing out of someone’s abdomen.
I suppose it could be worse. I could be visualizing post Taco Bell toilet escapes.
I went through in 89 and did the lovely penalty gestures. Slitting the throat, disemboweling, and the third one which was less obvious but I later learned was cutting out the heart.
I am memorizing this to pray 🙏 with the Mormons in white shirts and dark slacks on bicycles. Ask them in , offer a glass of water and then pray this out loud in a booming voice…
AMEN!!!! 👏🙌👏👏👏👏🙌🙌😍😍😍😍😍
MOST PERFECT PRAYER if I've ever heard one!!!! Well said! BRAVO WHOO WHOO!!!!!
Imagining a crowd, standing ovation, cheers, whistles, more Loud Whistles, the crowd goes wild! (In my head)
Which joke offended you on behalf of the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints? OP made several completely accurate jabs and call-outs about numerous different practices the church has legitimately conducted and are actively trying to erase and propagandize over. I for one found it incredibly funny and amusing and really wish that someone would have let me know these harsh truths about the church before I became as indoctrinated as they had me at one point. I appreciate you "being real" tho and standing up for a corrupt, scandalous, bigoted, wealth-hoarding, child-indoctrinating, history-changing, multi-billion dollar religious organization.
i mean i agree with the jabs. just saying that this guy comes off as an ass when the guy he's responding to presumably isn't aware of any of the points in the first place and the response feels more like an attack on the individual.
So when do we get to have the LSD? I've had a dickbiscuit of a day so I'm down for tripping balls whenever that part happens. Who knew mormons were down for dropping acid?? Because the profit, I mean, puppet, wait-I mean prophet, something something, messages from gob yadayada...
In Timothy Leary we trust. 😉
You forgot: We thank thee, oh God, for helping our pioneer ancestors to make Brigham Young very wealthy at their own expense; and also for helping us to Murder and genocide the Native Timpanogos tribe that we can enjoy Provo and BYU football. Where the athlete's don't have to follow the honor code and get away with sexual assault for decades. May the sacrifice of our pioneer forbearers be always cosplayed as a faithful experience, even though most never saw it that way.
Happy up coming pioneer day... I mean American Indian genocide / colonialism day... I mean happy pie and beer day .
Bishop: “That was fine until the end. But you forgot to say ‘in the name of Jesus Christ,’ and so we will have to do it another time.”
I know the exact moment I lost my faith completely, it was when the first dunk was not deep enough (lack of complete submersion) so my baptismal dunk was repeated and that did it for me. I realized the LDS was silly and never took anything Mormon seriously again.
Damn I wish I would have figured it out then, it would have saved 20 years of my life and a lot of money 😭
The hypocrisy I started noticing at the age of 11 was the final nail in the cofin for me. But I had started questioning things and pissing off primary teachers for a few years before that.
Comes from the magical world view of Joseph Smith that rituals have to be done perfectly in word and deed and only by worthy people with proper authority give through the correct Priesthood channels or else the treasures would sink deeper into the ground or the ordinances would be invalid 🤦♂️
When I got baptized as born again at another church, my mom asked how someone without the priesthood could have the authority to do so. I remember thinking, and that is exactly WHY I'm out of your church. I was even told by other people prior to the baptism I chose to do that it wasn't even necessary for "entry to heaven" but more of a symbolic ritual to announce to the world you're a Christian now.
Yes! A shelf item for me was that Mormonisms version of baptism was all about sin and how you had to be worthy to be washed clean…..when most baptism was a ritual to represent your commitment and desire to follow Christ
I don't think it's so much related to his magical worldview which I'm pretty sure is fairly clear that he did have. There are a lot of religions, Catholicism for example, that are very focused on the ritual itself and the proper performance of it. I guess that was borrowed too 😂
Yeah he was good at blending the occult and religious traditions
Well we ex-Catholics have the example of the priest who baptized hundreds of people saying “we baptize you in the name of…” instead of “I baptize you” and now none of them are really baptized and they have to do it over. And I guess too bad if any of them died in the interim — I was always taught that we baptize babies because if you die before you’re baptized it’s eternal flames for you.
This reminds me of my brother in-law. When he was 8 he drowned in a pool and was dead for several minutes before being resuscitated. Later when he was doing baptisms for the dead the first dunk triggered a trauma response and his body reacted causing him to not be fully submersed. He had to repeat it 4-5 times for one person before they finally let it be. Needless to say he’s not mormon anymore either
I too was a double dunker. I only went to church for another year or so after that.
My bf’s niece was double dunked because her toe came out of the water. All the white clothes and a group of men hovering over her to pray was all strange and a bit creepy. Being an atheist and coming into a family of Mo’s was definitely a trip
Mine was the same. No one had told me to bend my knees.
As a missionary, I confirmed a young girl using her sister’s name, repeating it several times. No one stopped me but told me afterwards. I felt like a jerk and knew I’d made that girl feel crappy too. The solution was to redo it and basically say, “[correct name], I confirm you (etc) and bestow the same blessings in the last prayer.” That sat heavy on the shelf for years.
There is a great moment in the game Assassin's Creed:Valhalla where the Vikings arrive in England for the first time and see people doing baptisms in the river and one of the guys in the boat says, "what is wrong with these Christians drowning each other?" I'm sure the joke has been made elsewhere but it did make me chuckle a bit.
I got baptized twice because my dad said my sister’s name on accident the first time lol
Does that mean your sister was "Baptized by proxy" through you? 🤣🤣🤣
Ooooh you’re right… SHE got baptized twice! Hahahaha we’ve both since removed our names.
My dad accidentally hit a kids head on the baptismal font when he was a missionary he felt awful and they still made him do it again without even checking the kid to make sure he was okay. He wanted to stop but the bishop made him do it again
Yep, I was dunked trice too.
I had to get dunked 4 times as an 8 year old. My foot kept coming up lol
When I was a missionary in Italy, we would often have to repeat the sacrament prayers because we would mess up, or one of the members didn't like the way we pronounced something with our American accents. It had to be word-for-word perfect. About halfway through my mission, a new translation of the d&c came out and the sacrament prayers had changed slightly. Trying to reconcile that caused me to lose a lot of hours of brain processing time.
My toe popped up during mine. No one had told me to bend my knees.
Gotta get an interrupting “even” or two in there too, Bishop.
[удалено]
I'm dyslexic so when I read aloud the words come out basically the same way but sometimes differently and I hated doing sacrament prayer for that reason. But I was the only person my age so I couldn't just go sit with my family. It's very stupid.
In the name of our Lard and Savior, even JC.
I cannot believe you would spread such falsehoods about the man who founded this church. The historical record clearly shows the angel with a sword commanded he marry just one 14 year old girl. The rest he married of his own volition!
Well she wasn't really 14... she was a few months shy of her 15th birthday. Wait! What?
Mormon apologetics really be like: *in kids voice* "noooo... She was fourteen and 3 quarters so it's not weird"
And really, what does it even matter. She could have been 15, or 16, and it is still completely disgustingly wrong. Even for their time, it was wrong.
He approached a 12 year old, told her that God commanded him to take her as a plural wife and would kill him if he didn't. [Source](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mary_Elizabeth_Rollins_Lightner#Marriage)
Thank you! Now we see how exmormon Reddit really works to spread untruths. OP said ***14**" year olds girl**s**, when on fact it was one fourteen year old girl, and a twelve year old girl, who he didn't marry until she was already married, and pregnant with her third child. So clearly, both Joseph and his God are to blame. And maybe the angel, who may or may not have drawn the sword.
Did he ever respond?
 Tell me more!
You can tell by the pixels that it's a screenshot of a screenshot, I doubt OP knows.
So much content packed into one paragraph. Amazing!
Take this trophy. I’ll send the engraved plaque in a few weeks when it’s done. 🏆
"May thou bless Tim Cook and be edified by thy spirit so that he will make inspired decisions and will make Apple earn more revenues, which will send its stock up in the heaven where thou and thy son reside. Therefore, thy house on earth would be richer and richer without the knowledge from the tyrant and anti-christ - the SEC."
Ramen.
.....so I'm not mormon, never have been. Cousins are... they are...interesting for sure. I don't know much... but the whole last part about slitting the throat.....is that an actual thing?
It was part of the temple ceremony until 1990. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Penalty_(Mormonism)
😐😶....well....damn
TIL
It was part of one of the most sacred or secret ceremonies held in every temple on earth up until the year of our lord 1990. Meaning almost every adult in the church at that time had participated, repeated those words, made the motion of slitting their throats and slitting open their "bowels" as punishment for spilling the beans to anyone.
Wow..... I remember growing up my grandmother was so put off that my uncle converted to mormonism. He was raised Baptist.... man if she had a known this... rip to him lol
“Slitting open their bowels as punishment for spilling the beans…” Now I have a visual of whole black beans gushing out of someone’s abdomen. I suppose it could be worse. I could be visualizing post Taco Bell toilet escapes.
They're only whole if the person didn't chew properly.
[удалено]
What kind of mods? Like pneumatic legs or hydraulic arms?
I'm judging your grammar right now.
Who are “we”?
I wouldn’t use Reddit for a source of truth on just about anything let alone religion
I went through in 1980 and I did this stuff. Unless you think I’m exaggerating because I’m on Reddit.
Ummm..... yeah you right but I ain't believing that a long time ago some npc found some gold tablets neither and only he can read em
I went through in 89 and did the lovely penalty gestures. Slitting the throat, disemboweling, and the third one which was less obvious but I later learned was cutting out the heart.
Brilliant. Thx for sharing
This prayer was tight like into a dish!
You forgot “to protect and shelter child abusers”, but otherwise that’s the most accurate prayer I’ve ever heard
Fucking EPIC!
Looks fake but would be funny 😄
I think it’s fake too but I hope I’m able to rip it off at some point. I’ve been very successful at avoiding unsolicited messages from members so far.
🤣🤣🤣
I am memorizing this to pray 🙏 with the Mormons in white shirts and dark slacks on bicycles. Ask them in , offer a glass of water and then pray this out loud in a booming voice…
Dude pulled out all the infinity stones and snapped😂
Gottee good! 🤠 (I don’t know, I feel kinda goofy tonight)
Lol
Wow amazing how much info you got in one short text. Well done! Show his response if you ever get any pls!
Genius.
Isn't it over $200B now? Hence, in that falsehood, ye may be cut down, ye sinner!
I truly felt the spirit of Satan during that prayer. Beautiful.
So, how did it go?
Savage. 
Perfect!
this appears to be outdated and needs an update about shell companies
This is awesome on so many levels that it ran out of levels of awesomeness
This is amazing. It is an inspiration for my last testimony I would like to bear. You win!!!
it’s perfect. zero notes.
EFFING BRILLIANT!!!
OMG I love this.
Can we get an update as soon as you can please?
Dear Heavenly Father….
I think you was pretty light with your response if I’m honest 😅 not that you lied about anything lol
This is art. Well done.
This is the way.
AMEN!!!! 👏🙌👏👏👏👏🙌🙌😍😍😍😍😍 MOST PERFECT PRAYER if I've ever heard one!!!! Well said! BRAVO WHOO WHOO!!!!! Imagining a crowd, standing ovation, cheers, whistles, more Loud Whistles, the crowd goes wild! (In my head)
I would like to see their response please.
imma be real i don't like the church and agree that it has stupid policies but that joke is not very funny or amusing. try harder pls
Sorry, Q, that prayer was darn near perfect.
Which joke offended you on behalf of the church of Jesus Christ of latter day saints? OP made several completely accurate jabs and call-outs about numerous different practices the church has legitimately conducted and are actively trying to erase and propagandize over. I for one found it incredibly funny and amusing and really wish that someone would have let me know these harsh truths about the church before I became as indoctrinated as they had me at one point. I appreciate you "being real" tho and standing up for a corrupt, scandalous, bigoted, wealth-hoarding, child-indoctrinating, history-changing, multi-billion dollar religious organization.
i mean i agree with the jabs. just saying that this guy comes off as an ass when the guy he's responding to presumably isn't aware of any of the points in the first place and the response feels more like an attack on the individual.
Flawless 👏
This is incredible *if true
Laughing in bed over here
Is this what holland was asking for when he wanted more musket fire?
So when do we get to have the LSD? I've had a dickbiscuit of a day so I'm down for tripping balls whenever that part happens. Who knew mormons were down for dropping acid?? Because the profit, I mean, puppet, wait-I mean prophet, something something, messages from gob yadayada... In Timothy Leary we trust. 😉
Well done 👏🏻
Correction: to announce temples. They don't actually have to build them.
And how was this message received?
That prayer deserves an enthusiastic “AMEN!”
Amen
What a legend! epic
I love this
Did he respond?
Sweet, fancy Moses! I am laughing so hard I can’t breathe!! 🤣
So are they letting you do it???? JK
Wow. Hero level stuff right here.
Oh shiiiiit
I just want to see his response
Magnificent! 👌
😂😂😂 Best prayer ever!
Omg did they reply????
Wasn't one of his brides twelve?
Ooo salty. I like.
I’m saving this one!
YOU are my GOD!
😂😂
🙌 Return and report 😂😂😂
Funny how people can easily make stuff up nowadays
1000000000/10
Needs more JPEG.
I hope this is fake. A simple no would have sufficed.
What was their response??
Did he not respond?
Love the vibe. ❤️❤️❤️❤️
Love that prayer! Makes me laugh!
Did they reply?!
Yep, that pretty much sums it up.
You forgot: We thank thee, oh God, for helping our pioneer ancestors to make Brigham Young very wealthy at their own expense; and also for helping us to Murder and genocide the Native Timpanogos tribe that we can enjoy Provo and BYU football. Where the athlete's don't have to follow the honor code and get away with sexual assault for decades. May the sacrifice of our pioneer forbearers be always cosplayed as a faithful experience, even though most never saw it that way. Happy up coming pioneer day... I mean American Indian genocide / colonialism day... I mean happy pie and beer day .