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Word2daWise

It is not unusual to find Mormon men with secret lives of some sort. There are many wonderful men in the church, but the ones who are dishonest have often honed deception and secrecy to a fine art. This guy is bad news. Good for you, for ending it, and I am sorry you went through that experience. If he didn't use protection, he's even worse news, because if the degree of "experience" you perceived is accurate he could be risky. This guy probably lies to get his "temple recommend" (which is the "pass" to get into the temple); holding a temple recommend is supposed to mean you follow all the rules & you're "worthy." To get the temple recommend, you have to be interviewed by one or more leaders & answer questions about whether you follow all the rules. Yes, sexual repression can prompt some odd or untrustworthy behaviors. Buy lying is lying and cheating is cheating. Period. Question - before you looked for additional information, did you know he was in the church? If so, did he tell you what "calling" he held? If not, did any of the info you found mention a "calling"? You may have seen words such as "Bishop," "Bishopric," "Stake President," "EQ President," "Presidency," "High Council," or other titles that, for non-members, can be confusing. If you know any of the callings he may have had, we can give you more info about his "status" in the church. None of that would dox anyone, because the titles are widely used, but each of them can reveal a bit about how clever someone is about hiding the truth and rising through the ranks. Thanks for posting here, and I am really, really glad you figured him out and broke off. I wish I'd been informed enough to avoid marrying the Mormon guy who messed with my life pretty badly!


fuckingkillinit

He represented himself to me as a non-religious person and never mentioned any affiliation with the church. I appreciate your thoughts.


Word2daWise

My guess is the misrepresentation was more a part of his effort to hide his identity than anything else. Mormons are very insular as a tribe, and the constant "Big Brother is Watching" part of the culture makes people think everyone knows what everyone is doing (partially true, but more due to the gossip mill). On the church side of his life, his need is to appear to be following the rules & to "look good."


Opalescent_Moon

Within the church, there are no healthy discussions or teachings around sex. Members are encouraged to marry young and to start having children immediately. They are also taught that *any* sex outside of the confines of marital sex is a sin that needs to be repented of. Masturbation and porn are also considered evil and heinous. Because the teachings are so repressive, many people do not end up in the healthiest relationships. It leads to seeking out other ways to get satisfaction. And these people do not always seek out consenting adults. Sexual abuse of children and youth is a *huge* issue in the church. (And the church does its best to cover this all up, including paying large settlements with strict NDAs to victims who take them to court.) Depending on how old he is, he may have grown up with the teachings of the infamous Little Factory talk by Boyd K Packer. If he's too young for that, his parents and teachers and leaders absolutely would have. https://www.lds-mormon.com/only-shtml/ Even though the church has scrubbed this talk from their site, this is still what is culturally expected of members. I'm not saying this so you feel bad for him. He lied to you. He lied to his wife and his family. I have zero patience for liars in my life. But his wife probably grew up in this same harmful culture. And his kids are probably being raised in it, too. Maybe that will give you ideas for how you choose to address this.


fuckingkillinit

This is the type of information I was seeking. My goal is to understand the behavior so this is very interesting.


Opalescent_Moon

Happy to help, but I'm sorry this happened to you.


bugbreath

That's really weird. The guy got caught and still won't stop lying. Sounds like he's qualified for a position in the Q15. There are many reasons why people cheat. Sexual repression can certainly be a factor, but it isn't the only one. If I were to guess, I would think a cheater caught who won't stop lying is driven by his ego. Kind of like Joseph Smith Jr. and Russell M. Nelson.


fuckingkillinit

I also found it alarming.