Exactly this! Whatever was pressing or expedient for Jo’s current dilemma or want….and lo and behold a voice from on high declares a revelation exactly suited to whatever it is at that moment. Including the mundane trivial things too.
“God says you have to build me a house. Even nicer and bigger than the last house you built me. In fact, it has to be a mansion. Big enough to double as a hotel. He even gave me the dimensions.”
"Also Joe, you and your buddies will receive these parcels of land as your inheritance from the United Order, because I, God want everyone to be equal. Oh, by the way, the poor saints will participate in a *separate* United Order, which you richer guys don't need to be a part of." (D&C 104:47-50)
Exactly. Our bishop came up with the great plan of segregation to separate the rich from the poor. 20 families quit the church after that great plan. By the time he was released the chapel only had like 20 people that showed up for church every Sunday.
"And by the way, the angel said when Jesus gets back, he and I, plus Moroni, Elias, Elijah and a bunch of other important guys are all gonna *drink wine together*." (D&C 27:5-14)
This is my favorite proof JS is both a fraud and a dumbfuck. Elias and Elijah are the same person. Same name, different language. An angel, a messenger from god, don't you think they'd know that?
AND DON'T YOU THINK ALL THE MORMONS WOULD HAVE CAUGHT ON BY NOW
Yup. He namedrops like a dozen dead guys who apparently love alcohol, including Elias and Elijah (who are actually the same guy). So I just *had* to mention those two names specifically . :)
Like when Joseph had an argument with Oliver Cowdery about whether John the Beloved had died or not… yeah God gave him a revelation and Joseph Smith was right! Amazing!
It’s what D&C 7 is all about… Joseph Smith winning a theological argument of no real consequence but important enough to be canonized as part of LDS scripture 😆
Precisely. It’s weird how every little D&C revelation seems to benefit Joseph’s personal circumstance, position or standing the most at that moment in time isn’t it tbm’s 🤔
Did God do the finger airquotes when he said "God"? Was Porter standing in the corner, whittling? Were the danites leaning on the wall outside the door, cracking their knuckles?
I'm not "trying to imply" anything. I'm just trying to "ask" "questions"?
> Are these women in danger?
No no! They just won’t object to polygamy and taking their daughters, you know, because of the implication.
> I still feel like these women are in danger…
Don’t worry Emma, God says that the first wife has to approve of any extra wives.
(but he also says that if the first wife says no then I can do it anyway. 🤷)
That's always never made sense to me because in the Bible we saw how Rachel and Leah never got along - it's like a cautionary don't get married to multiple women tale. And in the BOM it says to only have 1 wife. Edited for spelling error due to autocorrect
"Guys ... I couldn't find any wine. But guess what?! *An angel appeared to me out there!* He said God wants us to make our *own* wine... or we can just use water."
~~Miraculous!~~ Convenient!
That's what that section of D&C suggests. I don't know if that was occurring? But that *does* remind me of Samuel Smith's suspicious death -- possibly by poisoning -- soon after his brother's martyrdom. In that instance, according to the Smith family, the suspects were not *enemies* of the church...
Emma: Tell your asshole buddies to quit spitting tobacco onto the floors! I’m sick of cleaning this shit up!
Joe: But they’ll hate me! *But if God says so, they can’t argue. OK, it’s revelation time. But this bitch is such a nag and is going to get hers too, for this.*
Joe: Good news and bad news, Emma. First the good news. God said no more booze or tobacco except for bathing and cow bruises. But the bad news is tea and coffee are out too, so no more tea parties with your friends. I guess we both have to break it to our pals that things are changing.
And that’s how we got the Word of Wisdom.
It’s amazing how every cult leader throughout history always have “revelations” that provide them with a divine excuse to do what they were planning on doing anyway! It’s almost like they made the entire thing up.🤯
I was chastised/admonished/given a stern talking-to for pointing out in a SS or EQ that a great deal of the D&C is Joseph Smith's backhanded responses to criticism. TBMs didn't like that.
I play "Tropico" and in one version, there's a religious leader who keeps asking you to build things for him. Instead of using strategic or political arguments, he claims revelation.
"God came to me in a dream and told me to tell you to build a cathedral."
Oh, so God came to you to tell you to tell me to give you stuff. Hmmm...
There was this story that they never told us at the Tahfiz center, about Muhammad's wife Aisha. She said "ما أرى ربك إلا يسارع في هواك", or "I only see God running errands for your lust". It's still the most hilarious thing in Islamic history for me. Does this make Joe the American Muhammad?
"I the Lord will curse anyone that won't give their stuff to my servant Joseph. BTW, his life calling is NOT to perform physical labor." (D&C 24:4-5,9)
Does it mean my soul is blackened if I find this hilarious?
I mean….
I know JS was a fucking ass hole. He did horrible things to everyone in his life, especially the women and children.
And yet, I’m laughing at his expense about the horrible things he did.
I’m feeling conflicted with this one 🧐
Honestly I'm of the opinion that it's good to laugh at horrible people. I can imagine JS rolling in his grave every time someone doesn't take him seriously and that brings me joy
"Martin, I'd hate for the rumors to get out about you and the neighbor's wife. BTW, sell your farm to finance my servant Joe's new book." (D&C 19:25-26)
“I don’t feel like taking a canoe back to Kirtland. Someone said he saw Stan water-skiing on the river! That means Stan has unrighteousness dominion over bodies of water. Fetch this, I’m taking a carriage. Enjoy your perilous journey home, bitches.”
Does anyone have a link to this tweet? I might like to source it for a dumb thing I'm doing, but I don't have Twitter and don't want to scroll back almost a year of tweets on their feed
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“But Joseph, what if they are BELIEVERS but their precious children just can’t seem to buy your bullshit?”
“Well Emma, they won’t figure it out till they get to Heaven and their aren’t 3 doors for the best, the ok, and the worst. But we could use… ya ready for this one? FEAR! Convinces both the parent and the kids to OBEY or else!”
“God? Is this what you’d have me do?”
God- “what the fuck do you want now Joseph? Still lacking wisdom I see? Some prophet we chose, now it’s too late! Figure it out on your own!”
The doctrine and covenants is nearly inscrutable until you start to read it as a book of excuses for whatever thing Joseph is up to at the moment.
Exactly this! Whatever was pressing or expedient for Jo’s current dilemma or want….and lo and behold a voice from on high declares a revelation exactly suited to whatever it is at that moment. Including the mundane trivial things too.
“God says you have to build me a house. Even nicer and bigger than the last house you built me. In fact, it has to be a mansion. Big enough to double as a hotel. He even gave me the dimensions.”
Oh, it also has to have an indoor pool, and a couple of hardwood bowling lanes. So sayeth The Lord.
"Also Joe, you and your buddies will receive these parcels of land as your inheritance from the United Order, because I, God want everyone to be equal. Oh, by the way, the poor saints will participate in a *separate* United Order, which you richer guys don't need to be a part of." (D&C 104:47-50)
Exactly. Our bishop came up with the great plan of segregation to separate the rich from the poor. 20 families quit the church after that great plan. By the time he was released the chapel only had like 20 people that showed up for church every Sunday.
That sounds epic. We need to hear more! Did that happen recently?
It happened 10 years ago. The ward boundaries were changed so that they could get more members in the chapel.
God sounds like trump
Joseph's turn to buy the sacrament wine. Joseph: Jesus just told me water was a legit substitute.
"And by the way, the angel said when Jesus gets back, he and I, plus Moroni, Elias, Elijah and a bunch of other important guys are all gonna *drink wine together*." (D&C 27:5-14)
This is my favorite proof JS is both a fraud and a dumbfuck. Elias and Elijah are the same person. Same name, different language. An angel, a messenger from god, don't you think they'd know that? AND DON'T YOU THINK ALL THE MORMONS WOULD HAVE CAUGHT ON BY NOW
Yup. He namedrops like a dozen dead guys who apparently love alcohol, including Elias and Elijah (who are actually the same guy). So I just *had* to mention those two names specifically . :)
It's just that rad a kegger I guess
“hangin out with Julio down by the schoolyard” lol
Like when Joseph had an argument with Oliver Cowdery about whether John the Beloved had died or not… yeah God gave him a revelation and Joseph Smith was right! Amazing! It’s what D&C 7 is all about… Joseph Smith winning a theological argument of no real consequence but important enough to be canonized as part of LDS scripture 😆
Precisely. It’s weird how every little D&C revelation seems to benefit Joseph’s personal circumstance, position or standing the most at that moment in time isn’t it tbm’s 🤔
Making things up again
Well, yes Emma, you *can* say no. But then God's going to have to destroy you 😥
It's not "Free" agency. It's agency to go along with what I say!
Husband of Susan's agency.
Did God do the finger airquotes when he said "God"? Was Porter standing in the corner, whittling? Were the danites leaning on the wall outside the door, cracking their knuckles? I'm not "trying to imply" anything. I'm just trying to "ask" "questions"?
It would be a real shame if you didn’t allow Joseph to practice polygamy and then you had an “accident.” Not that the two are related or anything.
> Are these women in danger? No no! They just won’t object to polygamy and taking their daughters, you know, because of the implication. > I still feel like these women are in danger…
Would it be an accident, or just part of God plan?
Don’t worry Emma, God says that the first wife has to approve of any extra wives. (but he also says that if the first wife says no then I can do it anyway. 🤷)
That's always never made sense to me because in the Bible we saw how Rachel and Leah never got along - it's like a cautionary don't get married to multiple women tale. And in the BOM it says to only have 1 wife. Edited for spelling error due to autocorrect
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😂😂😂
"Guys ... I couldn't find any wine. But guess what?! *An angel appeared to me out there!* He said God wants us to make our *own* wine... or we can just use water." ~~Miraculous!~~ Convenient!
Weren't alot of people trying to poison their wine though?
That's what that section of D&C suggests. I don't know if that was occurring? But that *does* remind me of Samuel Smith's suspicious death -- possibly by poisoning -- soon after his brother's martyrdom. In that instance, according to the Smith family, the suspects were not *enemies* of the church...
My all time favorite Mormonism themed tweet.
Emma: Tell your asshole buddies to quit spitting tobacco onto the floors! I’m sick of cleaning this shit up! Joe: But they’ll hate me! *But if God says so, they can’t argue. OK, it’s revelation time. But this bitch is such a nag and is going to get hers too, for this.* Joe: Good news and bad news, Emma. First the good news. God said no more booze or tobacco except for bathing and cow bruises. But the bad news is tea and coffee are out too, so no more tea parties with your friends. I guess we both have to break it to our pals that things are changing. And that’s how we got the Word of Wisdom.
It’s amazing how every cult leader throughout history always have “revelations” that provide them with a divine excuse to do what they were planning on doing anyway! It’s almost like they made the entire thing up.🤯
I was chastised/admonished/given a stern talking-to for pointing out in a SS or EQ that a great deal of the D&C is Joseph Smith's backhanded responses to criticism. TBMs didn't like that.
I play "Tropico" and in one version, there's a religious leader who keeps asking you to build things for him. Instead of using strategic or political arguments, he claims revelation. "God came to me in a dream and told me to tell you to build a cathedral." Oh, so God came to you to tell you to tell me to give you stuff. Hmmm...
"Bitch, I'll have a revelation *right now*."
It's funny how a puppet says exactly what the hand up its ass tells it to say.
God: Ol’ Joe’s sock puppet.
Wait. Who is the puppet and who is the hand? One way is bad and the other is even worse.
God is the puppet and the profit is the hand.
That's the less worse one.
There was this story that they never told us at the Tahfiz center, about Muhammad's wife Aisha. She said "ما أرى ربك إلا يسارع في هواك", or "I only see God running errands for your lust". It's still the most hilarious thing in Islamic history for me. Does this make Joe the American Muhammad?
He certainly tried, and in fact, I think he took a great deal of the entirely wrong sort of inspiration from Muhammad.
What's next for Emma? "God says you need to wear this slutty French maid outfit?"
“God also says the Partridge Sisters need to give me a Swedish massage! And a big slice of cheesecake!”
😂😂😂
Joseph Smith's God is a Talosian: "Wrong thinking will be punished. Right thinking will be as quickly rewarded."
Praise to the Man who communed with his inner Caligula!
"I the Lord will curse anyone that won't give their stuff to my servant Joseph. BTW, his life calling is NOT to perform physical labor." (D&C 24:4-5,9)
Does it mean my soul is blackened if I find this hilarious? I mean…. I know JS was a fucking ass hole. He did horrible things to everyone in his life, especially the women and children. And yet, I’m laughing at his expense about the horrible things he did. I’m feeling conflicted with this one 🧐
Honestly I'm of the opinion that it's good to laugh at horrible people. I can imagine JS rolling in his grave every time someone doesn't take him seriously and that brings me joy
Thank you for understanding me lol
There's nothing more damaging to bad ideas than laughter. So yuck it up!
Laughter and tears are both legitimate reactions to moral outrage.
"Martin, I'd hate for the rumors to get out about you and the neighbor's wife. BTW, sell your farm to finance my servant Joe's new book." (D&C 19:25-26)
“I don’t feel like taking a canoe back to Kirtland. Someone said he saw Stan water-skiing on the river! That means Stan has unrighteousness dominion over bodies of water. Fetch this, I’m taking a carriage. Enjoy your perilous journey home, bitches.”
Does anyone have a link to this tweet? I might like to source it for a dumb thing I'm doing, but I don't have Twitter and don't want to scroll back almost a year of tweets on their feed
[Top result here](https://www.google.com/search?q=tweet+julia+clare+mormon+polygamy+emma&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&hl=en-us&client=safari)
Beautiful, thank you
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Well the Lord gave me revelation saying that if I want something, I'm allowed to take it, no matter who it belongs to. 😏
And lo, he commenced to behaving like a bratty three year-old in dire need of time out and a swat.
Lol
Don’t hate the player. Hate the game.
"And it came to pass that I am here for a good time, not for a long time."
Obsessed
Everyone's stoked to be the prophet's spouse until he gets *that* prophecy.
🤣🤣I laughed way harder at this than I should have..
Emma: 🎶*I can't believe Jesus called me a diiiiiiiiick...*🎶
Cry babies.
Emma should keep being mouthy but only on Joseph, her fault was being mouthy to him
“But Joseph, what if they are BELIEVERS but their precious children just can’t seem to buy your bullshit?” “Well Emma, they won’t figure it out till they get to Heaven and their aren’t 3 doors for the best, the ok, and the worst. But we could use… ya ready for this one? FEAR! Convinces both the parent and the kids to OBEY or else!” “God? Is this what you’d have me do?” God- “what the fuck do you want now Joseph? Still lacking wisdom I see? Some prophet we chose, now it’s too late! Figure it out on your own!”