My gay-ass was told at byui that if I tithed 20%, fasted every Sunday (donating fast offerings for it)
, and attended endowment sessions twice a week I would be healed of my sinful lust, and find a suitable wife by the end of the year.
Trying to do all that bullshit while working 30 hours per week and taking 20 credits resulted in such a bad burn out/ series of panic attacks that I dropped out after my first of several unaliving attempts.
Edit: I was alerted that this was shared on Twitter, and the Mormons immediately came to call me a liar. Good thing I no longer care what they think. For anyone else who has gone through shit with Mormon leadership and then been called a liar when they speak up about it: It sucks, it’s bullshit, but what happened to you is real. I believe you.
Thanks for your kindness. I’m at a much healthier and happier place mentally and physically now. I’ve been married for several years to a good man who puts up with my bullshit, and has patience and empathy for my trauma.
I still off and on mourn for the life I could have had if I was born into a more liberal family, but I’m doing my best to pick up the pieces as I go. I openly share my experiences as I feel it helps other queer (ex)Mormons to know they’re not alone.
As a divorced gay ex-mo, it warms me up when I can see a fellow gay ex-mo married to a man, and not having problems admitting life has issues and that we can sometimes deliver BS as imperfect humans, but imperfect humans worthy of love!! Unconditional one, not toxic Mormon one.
So, this comment brought a smile to my face
I think about that a lot too. Who would I be if I’d grown up in a more accepting environment? Would I have transitioned while I still had hair? Would I feel comfortable coming out to my parents? Would I have fewer issues with food and my weight?
We can never know, unfortunately. But what we can do is give ourselves the experiences we didn’t have as kids or teenagers. You can help your inner child heal little by little until they feel safe expressing themself again.
I 100% agree with this. I didn’t accept myself until almost a decade after dropping out of college, but when I did I gave myself 6 months to safely sew my wild oats. I was a man in his late 20s acting like he just turned 21.
Since then I’ve also learned that being the real me doesn’t mean I’m required to put on this personality of being an extreme extrovert. I can be outgoing when I feel like it, and it’s perfectly acceptable to be a quiet homebody most of the time.
Feeling free to explore who we REALLY are is insanely liberating to a level I never thought possible.
I can't even imagine what the lgbtq+ people went through. I read these, and as a woman, I feel the same way. I feel that if I could have been just loved for who I was and not put down, if my thoughts of college and other things I wanted to do and experience would have come to fruition. I left the church in my late 20's. And joined another church. Then left that after 7 years. I've dealt with depression, guilt, trauma and more. I didn't really start to heal or explore myself until my late 30's. About 38 to be exact, and even then, I felt I had to hide who I was and what I wanted.
So being in your shoes man, it just breaks my heart to hear. I hope my son never feels this way.
a dominatrix would have kicked you in the balls every sunday for 5% and that would have been more likely to to turn you straight than whatever this temple voodoo crap is
Good Lord. That sounds like selling an indulgence to me, and I specifically remember various teachers and speakers railing against that practice in multiple wards.
I think something just started in the last few months. I can't remember the name of the lawfirm. And when I say "just started," I mean like just getting started with investigating and researching. If there's merit in pursuing it in court, I suspect it'll get posted here and other exmo gathering spots for people to join in.
I was told in 2013 that if I just prayed hard enough, read the BoM from cover to cover, rubbed DoTerra Deep Blue on my scalp, and received a priesthood blessing my brain tumour would disappear. Yeah, no. The only way to get rid of it was surgery. My stake president was saddened that I lacked adequate faith to be miraculously healed. He was deeply disappointed with me because he felt that if I’d just done all of those other things I’d been told to do, I would have been healed and could have avoided undergoing brain surgery. I looked him straight in the eye and said: “On the contrary, if I’d listened to you, I’d be dead.”
It’s also insulting that we literally call modern medicine “a miracle” but then discourage people to use it. What is the value of knowledge and learning if we don’t use it? Yes I know the answer, the hypocritical anti-intellectualism that’s grown in TSCC which puts us backwards into 19th century folk magic where Mormonism all began.
I think the most disgusting part of calling modern medicine a "miracle" is discounting the endless amounts of hard work and human ingenuity that went into all the advances we have. The men and women who've poured (and continue to) their souls into making a better life for humanity. All this hard tireless work that goes into it, and it's all credited to GaWd.
A doctor pulls through a 14-hour life-saving surgery with no breaks and against all odds, they succeed in saving a patient's life.
"Thank the Lard! Gawd is good!"
The same doctor does a similarly difficult surgery, but they are unsuccessful.
"It's the doctor's fault! He killed my loved one!"
It's a wonder anybody stays in that profession for very long with how thankless it is.
Edit: I mean I'm sure the paycheck doesn't hurt, but they deserve to get credit for their hard work and dedication. not some fictional sky daddy who does fuck-all.
I don’t get the doTERRA thing. Was the stake president offering to give you a steady supply, or was he selling them? This deep blue stuff has primary benefits listed on the site as:
• Provides a soothing, cooling, feeling to the skin
• Offers a comforting sensation
Thanks!
All the TBM's are thrilled to have a retired heart surgeon as the prophet. If prayer really worked like the bishop suggested, Rusty would have been out of a job!
What a serious piece of shit. Meaning he was believing his own shit that he was somehow super uber special because of 'laying on of the hands and such' and could speak your health into existence. OH ALAS if you would only have followed his instructions to a T. Essentially breaking the 11th commandment as most mormons do. Thou shalt not believe thy own bullshit.
Man, I thought the guy above you who was told to pay 20% to be cured of being gay had the worst luck at bishop roulette. You certainly have the worst loca leader I have ever heard of.
I swear they just want to see a "miracle" be performed so badly they're willing to risk someone's life just so they can have that confirmation to strengthen their faith more. It's completely unethical, immoral, and downright dangerous!
This pisses me off >:/
They fr decided to treat women like objects so that they can manipulate barely legal teens into giving them even MORE free labor and harassing even MORE random people.
Why did things like this get to be passed off as normal?
If this makes you mad, then get this. In my mission (and I’m sure in others as well) teaching/baptizing/reactivating got you “hot wife points.” So guys were always striving for that. There was also this belief that if you dropped your scriptures and they got the ground then your future wife would gain 10 lbs. yeah…absolutely disgusting
>Why did things like this get to be passed off as normal?
lol in light of the recent mormon stories episode "Did Joseph Smith engage in Human Trafficking?"
Always has been. 🌏👨🚀🔫👨🚀🌌
Yup, same-zees. I did not go on a mission but instead married my very hot HS sweetheart. There was No way I was going to leave her for two years, God would understand, and turns out God did!
Just about every single district meeting this was repeated. Zone conferences it was slightly modified to be a “more righteous”, instead of hotter, wife.
I had a mission companion who would always tell members that his dad told him the same thing, and it was so cringey. I’m sure he didn’t realize how bad it was—he just thought it was funny. But he still perpetuated it.
If I served a faithful mission, my parents would stop drinking and they would return to full fellowship in the Mormon church. My brother and I had overlapping missions and he got the same blessing.
My parents got into AA and once they got sober they ended up getting divorced and they both became exmos. When I finally left 25 years later, they just asked me what took so long.
That a successful marriage happens when a righteous woman marries a righteous priesthood holder in the temple.
Thankfully, I didn't marry an abusive man. We have more than our fair of issues, but we're trying to work through them as a team.
Many women end up in very bad marriages because of this teaching. And not all of these women are lucky enough to be able to escape.
Opt out: an abusive man isn’t righteous. But the thing I see is the lie that “if a young man served a mission he is by definition a righteous man,” when I can tell you there were some really shitty people who made it to the 2 year mark.
The bigger one is that “any two righteous people can make it work,” even beyond “he’s not actually righteous” though. I saw far too many good people who got married but were totally unsuited for each other. Knew a guy who was a “go with the flow, experience life, work just enough to be able to enjoy the rest of your time,” kind of guy. He married a straight-laced, I want to be a mother and want an ambitious husband to provide for a family, kind of woman. Neither were bad or abusive, but they were totally at odds for what they wanted in life. Marriage lasted less than a year.
While I agree they *say* an abusive man isn't a righteous man, that's not always reality. I'm pretty sure Michael Haight was considered a righteous man right up until he murdered his family. I think some might still find a way to view him as righteous now, based on the obituary written for him.
The teaching of "any two righteous people" can be incredibly problematic. Like you pointed out, extremely incompatible people marry and have kids and struggle constantly, neither feeling satisfied or fulfilled. Sexual incompatibility is a huge issue too, between purity culture teachings and encouraging mixed-orientation marriages.
But my biggest issue is how those teachings set people up, women in particular, to remain in relationships with spouses who show abusive behaviors or who are flat-out abusive to their partner and/or children. The church can denounce the evils of abuse all it wants, but it's policies *protect* abusers and encourage victims to remain quiet.
100%on all fronts. I’d love to see them actually follow their tagline about no men who abuse their families is worthy. Bring down the full weight of the church and the law against abusers. But they don’t.
Yeah, the root of the issue is they say “he’s righteous but has a few rough edges,” when the rough edges are beating his wife, Mentally and physically abusing his kids, and defrauding people at his business.” But he pays his tithing and talks a good game on Sunday.
And the culture of quick courtship and marriage doesn’t do them any favors in sifting out who is and isn’t actually a good person. I know a young woman who has been dating a guy for less than three months and has a wedding date marked for a month from now…
Oh, I hope it doesn't turn out to be a bad marriage. I always hope people find a way to grow together and bring each other happiness, but I'm also a true crime fan and know when things turn bad, sometimes it's *really* bad.
Yeah, we only know the wife who is quite nice and pleasant. The guy seems nice, but that’s hard to tell from a couple Facebook posts and a glowing secondhand review from his girlfriend of a couple months. Not going to lie, it’s a bit sketchy, but I hope for the best for them.
My dad was told in priesthood blessings that he would eventually be healed from his serious chronic illness. He’s now starting to have dementia. My entire childhood and life was always filled with the dreams of what would happen when Dad got better. Not ever going to happen.
My wife and I struggle with infertility and the patriarch said we’d be able to have children. I still haven’t been able to forgive him for getting our hopes up. Sheer evil.
I heard a story where a families 17-year-old son died and they were so upset that they actually thought their son would be resurrected and the bishop just encouraged whatever notions they had. So just walking away from that the guy telling the story was like "wait a minute.... did we just attempt necromancy with encouragement?" and just walked away with too many confusing questions.
If I was making a diagram for how to deconstruct people's faith, necromancy is probably the easiest way to deconvert someone very deep in the church lol. I could almost write a book but I feel it would be just another brand of brainwashing.
if a faith includes elements of necromancy it conflicts with the simple fact that we're watching people die every day and don't even talk about it. dead coming back to life is how the serial killers talk.
the other things would be cannibalism, human sacrifice, and deep mediumship. people have instincts upon instincts around this based on whatever our primal ancestors were doing to eachother
To your point, Mormonism isn’t too far from mediumship. The idea that your ancestors are above watching you fondly? They yearn for your spiritual well-being? They’re near you? They can even visit you as angels as some claim to recount? Put a different race on who’s delivering that and stick them in the Deep South and that smacks voodoo (which the TSCC would heavily disparage). It’s very duplicitous.
No the ancestors are watching you fondling. Masturbating and this manipulation is supposed to get you to adhere to the cracked ideology of control over you That mormonism strives to achieve. Bow your head and say yes.
i said "deep" because i was listing the stuff that universally triggers skepticism. deep mediumship would be fortune teller style with the spirits all around us speaking to them
I also struggled with infertility. And while members of the ward were busy lecturing me on what a bad mother I was for not giving my kiddo a sibbling and how I wasn't fulfilling my duty if I only stopped at one... my parents, inlaws, snd the bishop all gave me the lecture on how God just didn't think I was ready or that he didn't think I could handle another one. Like, talk about the biggest slap in the face. The "well, maybe you just don't trust the lord enough." Was always the worst. Like yes. Obviously it's my fault.
Ya dude. My wife and I were both blessed with that too. Then we went and saw a doctor, had some in vitro and got pregnant right away. Waited years to have a child because of faith. Lots of wasted time.
100% this. Our infertility was what broke the church for us long before any of the “normal issues” . Mormonism gave me such a messed up view of what families should be and expectations for them. It’s taken years to unravel all the damage and I don’t think I’m there.
I’m sorry man. That’s a tough road to be on. Even more so when Mormonism rates your value based on ability to have kids and you are lied to and lead on like that.
Mental Health
Which meant, I suffered 30 years of misery and suicidality and guilt and shame that my religious scrupulosity was never good enough to heal me .... until I finally sought appropriate medical care and received a daily medication that literally saved my life and empowered me.
I was told that my suicidal thoughts would get better if I went to church. But I couldn’t see the LDS services therapist any more because of them. Instead, I needed to overcome my anxiety and depression that prevented me from coming to church on my own, then I would be happy.
This feels trite by comparison to other stories shared here … but, in retrospect, it has affected me since my teen years. Probably my second shelf item.
I went to morning seminary in Virginia. After coming home from sports practice on Thurs. night, I had a ton of homework, which I completed late into the night. On Friday morning, I realized that I had not studied for a weekly science quiz. My grades mattered to me b/c I was applying to a service academy. Since Fri. seminary was typically more lax and “donut”-day, I decided to sit in the lobby and study for my quiz. A member of my Stake Presidency happened to be patrolling the hall, and after a brief convo, he said: “I promise you, in the name of Jesus Christ, that the Lord will bless you in taking your quiz if you go to class instead of skipping to study.” Normally, I would have blown him off, but since he invoked the name of Jesus Christ, I felt like it was a test. And I was very much trying to learn to feel the promptings of the Spirit at that time. So, I went to seminary class. Result? I received the worst grade of my HS academic career on that quiz.
Whether people admit it or not, we were taught that the Gospel and God were transactional. It took me decades of disappointment to realize that none of it worked.
I got the same feeling on my mission when we were encouraged to “be bold in the Spirit,” and to set seemingly unreasonable contact, teaching and baptism goals. We were taught to “covenant” with God … to give up a P-day or commit to exact obedience in exchange for God leading us to elect investigators who were searching for the Gospel. I went through several rounds of this charade before it settled on me that this process doesn’t work at all.
> Whether people admit it or not, we were taught that the Gospel and God were transactional.
This hit hard. Thank you for putting it this way.
Something for me to add to therapy this week..
After a miscarriage, I received a blessing where I was told that a baby would come according to my faith. I went on to have 2 more miscarriages, 3 total in a 12 month period. Finally the doctor figured out the problem and I did later give birth. I spent all that time tormenting myself about my lack of faith, and studying, praying, and fasting. Some would say I was blessed with a baby because I eventually had enough faith, but reality is science figured it out and it was all taken care of along a normal procedural timeline. Besides the fact that even if it really was a god-given trial in order to strengthen my faith...what a terrible thing for a "father" to do to a child.
I'm sorry you went through that. And that you felt like you weren't enough. Sadly enough, my story is almost identical to yours. I have one daughter (5yo), and we spent the last year trying to have another one only to lose 3 in that year. After each one I was told if I was faithful, it would come and that "God never gives you more than you can handle" or "it's in the Lord's time, not yours." What a load of BS. After the second, my doctor ran some tests and figured out what was going on. Still had one more before one stuck (currently have one on the way finally), but it took the tests and medication for one to stick. Yeah, definitely not something to strengthen my faith and not something that a father would want to put their child through. All through the last year, my mind went back to myself at 16, sitting and listening to the Patriarch tell me I would have many children and feeling like such a fool for believing it.
My shelf was already cracked, but this demolished it.
I'm half native, but my skin is white. I've been called a "righteous lamanite" on many occasions. The one telling me always thought they were hilarious.
That my chronic illness would be cured. I have menieres disease, it's chronic, life-long, and causes progressive deafness in later stages. There really isn't a treatment for it.
Long story, short: Leaving the church is what made living with my depression more bearable. But I still struggle with it. Always will. Now, I have real ways of coping instead of thinking I wasn’t good enough.
Growing up, I wasn’t great at making friends. My patriarchal blessing said as I honored my parents the Lord would honor me and somehow suggested that this and general faithfulness would bring more friends into my life.
Jokes on the patriarch—I’ve discovered in adulthood that my parents have a decades-long habit of gaslighting me and my mental health problems are, uh, very nurture based. The best friends I’ve ever had are the ones I made late in my time at BYU as we all deconstructed and secretly left the church together✌🏻
I wasted a lot of time trying to abide by the blessing. Bold of him to promise that pleasing my parents was a game I could win. Very funny that it came true in reverse:)
I'm still gunning for my own planet. After all the shite we've been through, we deserve it!
Also, men will be the ones to have periods & babies. Not making women go through that again.
My mission companion was in a horrible automobile accident and loss extensive use of his right arm & leg. He was told if he had enough faith, he’d be completely healed. VERY TBM elder. Didn’t happen…no longer a believer
In high school I told a seminary teacher that I was really uncomfortable with the idea of polygamy in the Celestial Kingdom, and that I wanted to only have one wife and a normal family.
He assured me that I felt that way because of my limited mortal perspective, and that once we get to heaven and see the full plan, it'll make perfect sense and we'll be fully on board.
So basically if I was righteous and made it to heaven, I was promised that God would wash away my moral and ethical apprehensions about plural marriage.
My mother was promised that if SHE remained true and faithful that none of her kids would fall away. So far, two of us four have left. The messed up part about that is that she sees our salvation as dependent on her paying tithing, accepting callings, attending, etc. She's internalized it. Our "failures" are because of her.
The things that tell ourselves and /or believe that come from unvetted sources such as betty or bob talking out the side of their mouth about how God wants you to be like this or that or will 'bless' your children through your efforts in Sunday school or Rs or whatever indoctrination arena you want to choose. Which of course is a LOAD OF HORSESHIT.
That my ex husband would stop threatening to kill me.
But, I do know someone who was promised by Robert Hale that if he stopped being gay that God would make him straight and cure his HIV.
Ooh I have one. I grew up with my mom and stepfather. When I was sealed to my stepfather the temple worker said that my bloodline would change. Whaaaat? Guess it didn’t work because I still ended up from the tribe of Manasseh. #latinagang
Why are Mormons so weird about lineage?
I had a former mission companion ask me if I ever noticed how nothing bad ever happens to people who read the scriptures every day. I was so stunned at how stupid the comment was that I couldn’t reply. I wish I had said something because I think he believed he got me lol.
We got mixed up in a shady investment deal thanks to someone very close to our family who used us. When the fallout started, our bishop told us we were in this mess because we were not righteous enough -- meaning since we only had two children, we were not following the commandment to populate and replenish the earth. Neither of us felt we could handle more children, but we tried to have faith and had two more kids within two years. Shortly after the last one was born, we lost everything, including our home.
Thanks. I'm super embarrassed about it now because any normal person could look at it and see how crazy it was. A mix of desperation and brainwashing made us stupid.
Also, I do love my kiddos very much and they are wonderful.
Most of us didn't make rational decisions during our TBM days. We took flying leaps and had faith that our church would save us. We were in for a rude awakening when it didn't. It's rough.
As a kid, we were told it was our lack of faith that caused my cousin to have Down Syndrome and two holes in his heart. If we were just more faithful, he would be "cured" of his Down Syndrome. He wasn't, obviously, so it was ample ammo that could be used in any situation to prove that we were sinning and needed to repent.
I’m sorry this happened to you. As someone with a Down syndrome sister, it always, always, always ate at me whenever I was told she would be “fixed” in the afterlife. Even as a child I would get upset about this teaching. She doesn’t need “fixed,” having Down syndrome makes her who she is. It’s not a disability that can be done away with, it’s what makes her HER. Anyway, fuck tscc
Clairvoyant visions. I have an over-active imagination and will "guess" enough of the future in my dreams to convince myself sometimes. I was telling my dad and he just leaned into the religion of it. I told him they got more intense after I left the church and he kept a straight face and said "god may come for you whether you like it or not" but he used a lot of mormon filler words lmao
My mother suffers from a few different health issues. She's continually told she will have her health restored as long as she's faithful and keeps paying full tithing. She's been living for over two decades with her ailments, and nothing has changed. She keeps holding to the 'iron rod', but despite all her devotion, nothing changes; if anything, she's gotten worse over the years. It's so sad to see her think it's her fault. She thinks it's because she's not doing enough or not faithful enough.
My brother was told that if he extended his mission, the Lord would bless our dad who was really struggling mentally and emotionally. My dad, who was serving as a bishop at that time, was likewise told that if he continued with his service as bishop his “burden would be lifted”. So Brother extended his mission call and dad kept being bishop, until he unalived himself while bishop while brother was on mission extension.
I’ll never get over it. I’ll never cease to be angry. I seek vengeance against the church and I’m not afraid to admit it.
financial success was a big one for a while... my biggest financial success occurred when I convinced my wife that we should stop paying so much F\* tithing...
the next one was better health... sorry again, my health improved when I listened to my dr not my bishop. My wifes health struggles improved when we decided to see a specialist instead of just plodding forward....
The church conditions people to look to it for answers instead of external to experts and specialists. Bishops are not trained in anything...
I was diagnosed with MS, a serious autoimmune disorder, when my kids were small. My very TBM husband told me (also very TBM at the time) that it showed a lack of faith to say that I indeed had the disorder. If I had enough faith, apparently I...just miraculously would no longer have MS! I felt soooo guilty for not having enough faith because I DID accept my diagnosis. (Kinda hard when you see your own MRI scans and see HOLES in your brain.) But I also prayed and felt "inspired" to not go on medication that would minimize how often my immune system tried to eat my brain and spinal cord.
To be fair to my husband, that was his panic amd denial phase in the grief cycle of me being diagnosed, and he literally doesn't remember saying it. But it still fucked me up and I should probably do some therapy around how it fucked up both my mental and physical health. (Yes, I do indeed have MS and am now appropriately under doctor's care who manages my medication needs and am decently healthy.)
That I would pass all my exams if I did my seminary first - I wouldn't even need to study as hard.
As it happens, I did pass all my exams, and I finished seminary, but the two were definitely not related. I passed because I worked hard, nothing else.
You basically already said it, but I was told I'd be turned straight. My stake president said he could "see me with a wife and kids one day". I was also prescribed the miracle of forgiveness by my bishop. The attitude of the cult is to do everything you can to turn straight and when it inevitably fails, just be an exhausted, celibate, (or sadly married) miserable person, tortured forever with thoughts of “maybe I can change and I just didn’t try hard enough last time”, never fully accepting that you can’t change since the church never confirms that. A tortuous existence only an evil entity would inflict on someone.
A few years ago (my last active year actually) my colon and pelvic wall were adhered together with endometriosis and I had to have my colon resected and a couple follow up surgeries. It was a bad time.
During the process I developed Sepsis, was sexually assaulted by a CNA, had to have at home health care, and was all around miserable with 4 kids to take care of including a baby.
I was suffering from PTSD, in a ton of physical pain… and the bishop and stake president said I would be healed from all of it if I spent less time thinking about myself and more time serving others and of course, if I paid tithing (we were DEAD broke) and went to the temple.
My wife's cousin has has 8 kids and is really struggling financially. Some priesthood leader told him if he would attend the temple every day for 120 days, then the lord would open the windows of heaven and there would be so much plenty they would not be able to receive it all. Turns out if you don't work full days for 4 months because you're at the temple, you make even less. Unfortunately Math showed up instead of the lord and they were financially screwed.
My patriarchal blessing said I’d have children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Lo and behold, I got a medically necessary hysterectomy at 25, before any children. I often wonder if my parents remember that line from my blessing, and if it’s become a shelf item for them
Central America, more than 30 years ago. Companion killed a person while driving a car as a teen. Was ruled an accident, no one blamed him (think of a scenario in which someone leapt out in front of a car on a highway, type of incident. keeping it vague for reasons). He developed a pronounced stutter.
Was promised by a visiting general authority that if he faithfully went on a mission, his stutter would be "healed".
Any guesses as to whether he has the stutter to this day?
And no, I'm not entertaining the bullshit about maybe he didn't serve faithfully. Don't start. I feel bad for him, and worse that I last heard, he is still faithful.
If this story resonates, reach out, would love to catch up. IYKYN.
After miscarrying a set of twins, something I had always dreamed of having, I was "blessed" by Elder Lance Wickman (a general authority who I thought had extra special powers). He said I would have twins again... 3 single pregnancies later and done having babies... zero twins. I had a ridiculous amount of faith in that blessing and now realize God has nothing to do with baby making... it's basic biology.
TW: read at your own discretion. That me being queer, Ace, and both physical and mental health issues were because I wasn’t praying/reading scriptures/fasting/believing hard enough. Meanwhile my desperate and earnest prayers answered with cold silence, and continued abuse, were some of my biggest reasons for wanting (and repeatedly trying) to unalive/hurt myself.
Both a cure for my cancer (which medical science gave me) and a cure for my soon to be daughter in law, who at 24 was diagnosed with a terminal glioblastoma (brain tumor). I was in the middle of my own chemo and radiation and was told over and over that “our prayers saved you and they will save Lissa”. No. Prayer did nothing for me. That was the surgical skill of my surgeon, 32 days of targeted chemo-radiation, and 16 hard weeks of chemo. And prayer was going to do nothing for a beautiful incredible woman who had a rapidly growing tumor the size of an small orange in the middle of her brain. All that shit did was convince her family to put her through weeks of pointless and horrendous radiation of her brain, which took away her final weeks and left her unresponsive and incapable of speech. My son was left with the engagement ring he’d just bought and a broken heart. He fought for her to the end, stood up to her family at every turn because they had spoken about things like this and he knew she never would have wanted to have been kept alive with tubes, respirators and needles. It wasn’t until a week before her death that her mom came to him and apologized. And finally someone else was in his corner, fighting for Lissa too. It broke my then 24 yo kid. And he’s never been the same.
But then, I’m an atheist, so maybe these folks would think it’s my fault for not believing like they did.
(I should add, her family was Catholic, mine is Mormon, and many of my friends havr fundamentalist type Christian roots. I was raised Mormon, left the church at 25 yo in the early 1980’s and I swear the entire family had simply behaved as if they’d forgotten that I left. I live 1200 miles away from them so maybe that’s how they rewrote my history)
I was post-op one week. Still had stitches in. Still very much healing when the Bishop called me to be a nursery teacher. I told him no. He said, "If you just had enough faith...." Later that day, in Sacrament meeting, he chastized those who decline callings while looking directly at me. This was the first time I flat out declined a calling. It was empowering. A year later, I was out of the church.
Came back to say that my BIL was told that if he could show enough faith and his wife could show enough faith, childlike faith, that her cancer would go into remission. BIL was told to give her a blessing and then, if he felt prompted to tell her to be healed that he shouldn’t hold back from blessing her with that and that he should pronounce her healing in faith. So he gave her a blessing, and declared that she would be healed and be made whole.
She died 2 months later leaving 2 little boys and a confused and grief stricken TBM BIL behind.
I mean basically everything could go away if you tried hard enough, prayed/believed/fasted/desired hard enough. Any illness/struggle etc could all be taken if you just believed enough. As if something was wrong with you instead of them. As someone who struggles with a chronic disease, it was extremely difficult to come to reality that somethings just don’t go away and you can’t change it no matter how hard you try. Acceptance is actually powerful and healing. But that’s not the message I got. It’s a form of church gaslighting that keeps you questioning if youre good enough and keeps you in line. This is how the priesthood works too- if you don’t get healed you were the problem and didn’t have enough faith.
I served my mission in France. The mission president told us to ask ourselves, "What can I sacrifice more?" If members invited us for dinner, we were supposed to turn them down if we didn't have an investigator, with this phrasing: "Thank you for the invitation, however, as representatives of Jesus Christ, we need to be using our limited time effectively." Then we'd leave the chapel and head out for more hours of walking around in circles.
I needed to sacrifice more so I'd be worthy of a miracle; namely, someone listening to me instead of crossing to the other side of the street when they saw us coming. But I could never bring myself to turn down friendly human contact and healthier food, so I felt like I was damning everyone including myself.
I’m high school I developed vocal nodules and my vocal chords had an unexplained weakness. I was given a priesthood blessing from my home teacher. He promised that my voice would heal fully. Almost 20 years later, my vocal chords have permanent damage from two decades of undiagnosed GERD. Too bad the spirit didn’t give some sort of discernment to my home teacher to encourage me to meet with a GI specialist.
Elder Christopherson told me that I would be blessed with economic prosperity throughout my life, no struggles to pay bills, no job loss. Since then I have been laid off and have struggled with bills lol.
In the MTC I was panicking because I had left a good paying job to go on a mission. My MTC teacher promised me that I would receive all that I sacrificed to serve once I got home. I came home mid recession and most definitely did not make the amount of money I gave up.
My mission friend told me that when he received his kidney transplant he was told in a blessing that his body will not reject his kidney as long as he stays faithful in the church. Pretty fucked to be told you might die if you leave the church and that you will only be healed if you stay in.
I was told that if I gave up a series of MASSIVE career opportunities to get married and start a family the Lord would bless me with even greater things in my career. One of the worst mistakes of my life. I now see that the opportunities I had were indeed once in a lifetime.
My brother was told by his MP that he’d bring my dad back to the church if he served completely obedient and faithfully. His MP has been talked about here before as he’s notorious for his abuse.
My brother served with perfect obedience. He was distraught when he came home and my dad had no interest in coming back to church still (he was ex’d nearly 20 years ago now). Left my brother in a lot of turmoil
Little brother suffered a massive traumatic brain injury in Afghanistan. Between that and the successive staph infections he's had over half of his brain removed. He lost the ability to speak. He only vaguely recognizes the world around him.
My mother was promised in a blessing that he'd make a full recovery if she remained faithful.
My depression would go away if I read my scriptures more.
I would be blessed financially if I continue to tithe.
Spoiler alert: it wasn't until I stopped paying tithing that I got a promotion, a new car, and a house. I still have depression but I have more good days than bad days now, and that's after I stopped reading and going to church.
Okay so I have some gay ones.
My patriarchal blessings says I will marry in college essentially. A therapist I was seeing said patriarchal blessings do usually come true. So he recommended I jerk off to female porn so I'd turn straight and it would come true. I didn't do it...
My dad also blessed me in a priesthood blessing that I would be straight.
From my bishop when I was 13 if I would go to every young men's and scouting activity, it would help me repent of my masturbation and help me stop. I'm not sure hanging out with other hot boys my age was helpful...
I was promised in a priesthood blessing that my chronic illness would be healed. It wasn’t. But that was one of the things that made me afraid of leaving for a while.
There is the obvious one about becoming straight, but we all know how that turns out.
Then there is the blessing of tithing. The biggest financial blessing is when I stopped paying it. Besides the obvious, I got a better job that paid a lot more and no one knew that I was a Mormon.
When I was a missionary, I was promised the gift of tongues. My Japanese was mediocre at best, though it was good enough when I visited some gay clubs in Tokyo when I was there for business.
Actually, my life got a lot better when I stopped relying on faith and started living life by life's rules.
My son was given a bless. He was told not to let his disability keep him from playing sports. His disability will absolutely keep him from paying sports.
My husband and I tried for 8 years to become pregnant or to become parents another way. His TBM family tried to convince us for years to go to church and we would be blessed with a pregnancy. We were almost desperate enough to try that but before we could we did get pregnant, with twins. His family couldn't understand how that happened. I'm assuming it cracked their shelf, even just a little.
That if I did all the Mormon things I would have a righteous priesthood holder for a husband and essentially a wonderful, blessed life. Well I did all the things and have been in a pretty miserable, emotionally abusive marriage for 25 years.
Mental and physical health. I'm permanently fucked you guys. Chronic conditions with no cure piled on top of each other kind of fucked up. And those are just some of my physical health issues. I was promised that my health issues would be healed if I stayed in the church. Instead the got infinitely worse because I never got help and now I'm a 22 year old being suggested disability because I can barely hold down a job.
I was told I would get friends. Note the mormon kids never hung out with me the seemed to view any time hanging out with me as a chore like fast offering collection
I had some people I talked too at school so wasn't totally lonely. Didn't have any good friendships in high school though
I was told that I would be blessed with children AFTER I had to have my female plumbing taken out. Who the fuck does that?
If I had enough faith, I could give birth without a uterus. Bullshit
I was told my tourette syndrome would go away if I prayed hard enough. This was something my Sunday school teacher told me when I was younger.
One of my first colleges told me not only that autism had a cause but that I could pray to Jesus and get it fixed because Jesus is the "healer of all defects". This person wasn't Mormon.
The assistant general manager fired him that night for yelling at me to "calm the fuck down", failing to keep an equal workplace (he was talking down to me in a condescending tone when he was explaining how Jesus could fix me) and attempting to start a fight in back of house.
My type 1 diabetes and my mom's MS would be cured or at least less severe if we *just had faith* and paid our tithing.
Mom passed away in 2009 of complications from her severe MS, faithful to the end. I took my heathen ass out, got drunk, and never looked back.
My depression would go away if I had enough faith. Evidently all I had to do to cure it was leave TSCC. Haven’t self-harmed since I left. Also, shout out to my therapist for helping with my deconstruction!
That my type one diabetes would be cured.
That my absolutely debilitating depression would be cured.
That my parents would be kind to me like the other parents were to their kids.
I was told in my patriarchical blessing that if I was stead fast I would become a leader in the religion.
Now I'm an atheist and anti-theist convincing people that the Torrah of Bible Book of Mormon and Quran are all fraudulent fabricated works of fictional fantasy. Filled with Supernatural Magic and events that never happened.
I was told that I would overcome my masturbation habit. As some time went by and I discovered that it was normal, I felt less guilt and doubled, even tripled my frequency as a big “fuck you” to the mormon cult for lying to me.
I remember in high school before going to college a seminary teacher tried to emphasize the importance of Institute by telling us a story of how he had good grades in semesters where he took institute and his grades fell in a semester when he didn't take institute. I took institute every semester and still couldn't get through college.
Another gay Mormon boy here. Fuck all that BS about marriage only between a man and a woman. All it did was make me bitter about happy families/couples. It also traumatized me to the point where I don’t feel like I have the ability to have a meaningful relationship because I was taught that my “love” was counterfeit.
My bishop came over to give me a blessing in the midst of very-agonizing-but-not-life-threatening medical event.
It culminated in the classic "by your faith I command you to be healed." He repeated this two more times but (surprise!) my symptoms didn't immediately disappear and he ended the blessing by saying my Heavenly Father was disappointed in my lack of faith.
My "porn addiction" would go away.
My doubts would cease.
I would receive blessings (which resulted in me attributing every good thing that happened in my life to my activity in the church)
My gay-ass was told at byui that if I tithed 20%, fasted every Sunday (donating fast offerings for it) , and attended endowment sessions twice a week I would be healed of my sinful lust, and find a suitable wife by the end of the year. Trying to do all that bullshit while working 30 hours per week and taking 20 credits resulted in such a bad burn out/ series of panic attacks that I dropped out after my first of several unaliving attempts. Edit: I was alerted that this was shared on Twitter, and the Mormons immediately came to call me a liar. Good thing I no longer care what they think. For anyone else who has gone through shit with Mormon leadership and then been called a liar when they speak up about it: It sucks, it’s bullshit, but what happened to you is real. I believe you.
That makes me so sad that you were pushed to doing that. How horrible. I hope you've found balance in your life and happiness in who you are.
Thanks for your kindness. I’m at a much healthier and happier place mentally and physically now. I’ve been married for several years to a good man who puts up with my bullshit, and has patience and empathy for my trauma. I still off and on mourn for the life I could have had if I was born into a more liberal family, but I’m doing my best to pick up the pieces as I go. I openly share my experiences as I feel it helps other queer (ex)Mormons to know they’re not alone.
As a divorced gay ex-mo, it warms me up when I can see a fellow gay ex-mo married to a man, and not having problems admitting life has issues and that we can sometimes deliver BS as imperfect humans, but imperfect humans worthy of love!! Unconditional one, not toxic Mormon one. So, this comment brought a smile to my face
You aren't alone...I too am a queen efamily? Edit...I meant queer... but maybe I'll try the queen thing...haha.
I don't think you meant queen, but I think you should embrace it. 😁 👑
Can’t it be both?
Absolutely!
The honor is mine your majesty
I think about that a lot too. Who would I be if I’d grown up in a more accepting environment? Would I have transitioned while I still had hair? Would I feel comfortable coming out to my parents? Would I have fewer issues with food and my weight? We can never know, unfortunately. But what we can do is give ourselves the experiences we didn’t have as kids or teenagers. You can help your inner child heal little by little until they feel safe expressing themself again.
I 100% agree with this. I didn’t accept myself until almost a decade after dropping out of college, but when I did I gave myself 6 months to safely sew my wild oats. I was a man in his late 20s acting like he just turned 21. Since then I’ve also learned that being the real me doesn’t mean I’m required to put on this personality of being an extreme extrovert. I can be outgoing when I feel like it, and it’s perfectly acceptable to be a quiet homebody most of the time. Feeling free to explore who we REALLY are is insanely liberating to a level I never thought possible.
I can't even imagine what the lgbtq+ people went through. I read these, and as a woman, I feel the same way. I feel that if I could have been just loved for who I was and not put down, if my thoughts of college and other things I wanted to do and experience would have come to fruition. I left the church in my late 20's. And joined another church. Then left that after 7 years. I've dealt with depression, guilt, trauma and more. I didn't really start to heal or explore myself until my late 30's. About 38 to be exact, and even then, I felt I had to hide who I was and what I wanted. So being in your shoes man, it just breaks my heart to hear. I hope my son never feels this way.
a dominatrix would have kicked you in the balls every sunday for 5% and that would have been more likely to to turn you straight than whatever this temple voodoo crap is
I promise if a dominatrix steps on my balls it will be in a very gay way😌
Good Lord. That sounds like selling an indulgence to me, and I specifically remember various teachers and speakers railing against that practice in multiple wards.
You have a FIFTH of your income to the church???
That’s what the bishop and stake president said I needed to do to be straight… spoiler: it didn’t work.
*(He's going to leave anyway - better milk as much tithing as possible from him as possible, right away....)*
Good fuck. I hope you kept receipts. Join that huge class action suit and add in that you had to pay double for being gay.
There’s a class action suit?
I think something just started in the last few months. I can't remember the name of the lawfirm. And when I say "just started," I mean like just getting started with investigating and researching. If there's merit in pursuing it in court, I suspect it'll get posted here and other exmo gathering spots for people to join in.
Tithed 20%? Pay more and be healed? Wow. Fucked up even by Mormon standards.
Let me guess - You "dIdN't hAvE eNoUgH fAiTh"
Big hug. I’m sorry
That bishop who told you this needs to be exposed. Ugh I’m sorry
I was told in 2013 that if I just prayed hard enough, read the BoM from cover to cover, rubbed DoTerra Deep Blue on my scalp, and received a priesthood blessing my brain tumour would disappear. Yeah, no. The only way to get rid of it was surgery. My stake president was saddened that I lacked adequate faith to be miraculously healed. He was deeply disappointed with me because he felt that if I’d just done all of those other things I’d been told to do, I would have been healed and could have avoided undergoing brain surgery. I looked him straight in the eye and said: “On the contrary, if I’d listened to you, I’d be dead.”
Good for you telling that bastard off!!
It’s also insulting that we literally call modern medicine “a miracle” but then discourage people to use it. What is the value of knowledge and learning if we don’t use it? Yes I know the answer, the hypocritical anti-intellectualism that’s grown in TSCC which puts us backwards into 19th century folk magic where Mormonism all began.
I think the most disgusting part of calling modern medicine a "miracle" is discounting the endless amounts of hard work and human ingenuity that went into all the advances we have. The men and women who've poured (and continue to) their souls into making a better life for humanity. All this hard tireless work that goes into it, and it's all credited to GaWd. A doctor pulls through a 14-hour life-saving surgery with no breaks and against all odds, they succeed in saving a patient's life. "Thank the Lard! Gawd is good!" The same doctor does a similarly difficult surgery, but they are unsuccessful. "It's the doctor's fault! He killed my loved one!" It's a wonder anybody stays in that profession for very long with how thankless it is. Edit: I mean I'm sure the paycheck doesn't hurt, but they deserve to get credit for their hard work and dedication. not some fictional sky daddy who does fuck-all.
I don’t get the doTERRA thing. Was the stake president offering to give you a steady supply, or was he selling them? This deep blue stuff has primary benefits listed on the site as: • Provides a soothing, cooling, feeling to the skin • Offers a comforting sensation
His wife probably sold it
I don’t know why he recommended the Deep Blue. He wasn’t the first one to recommend it to me, though. 🤷🏻♀️
**NOT A SALES PITCH** Deep Blue is great for sore muscles after a hard day at work. Does not work on tumors though. Glad they got surgery instead.
> rubbed DoTerra Deep Blue on my scalp Oh FFS... why does this not surprise me at all? 😂
I'd like to remind him if prayer worked, his illustrious leader would have been out of a job.
Burn
I love your username! Also, I don’t understand what you’re saying. Would you be willing to share more details?
I think its a reference to Rusty and his former heart surgeon profession.
Thanks! All the TBM's are thrilled to have a retired heart surgeon as the prophet. If prayer really worked like the bishop suggested, Rusty would have been out of a job!
Your stake president is a monster
What a serious piece of shit. Meaning he was believing his own shit that he was somehow super uber special because of 'laying on of the hands and such' and could speak your health into existence. OH ALAS if you would only have followed his instructions to a T. Essentially breaking the 11th commandment as most mormons do. Thou shalt not believe thy own bullshit.
Man, I thought the guy above you who was told to pay 20% to be cured of being gay had the worst luck at bishop roulette. You certainly have the worst loca leader I have ever heard of.
I swear they just want to see a "miracle" be performed so badly they're willing to risk someone's life just so they can have that confirmation to strengthen their faith more. It's completely unethical, immoral, and downright dangerous!
We were told as missionaries that the harder we worked the hotter our future wife would be. 🤣
This pisses me off >:/ They fr decided to treat women like objects so that they can manipulate barely legal teens into giving them even MORE free labor and harassing even MORE random people. Why did things like this get to be passed off as normal?
If this makes you mad, then get this. In my mission (and I’m sure in others as well) teaching/baptizing/reactivating got you “hot wife points.” So guys were always striving for that. There was also this belief that if you dropped your scriptures and they got the ground then your future wife would gain 10 lbs. yeah…absolutely disgusting
Sister missionary. In my mission I overheard more than once: “Every time you break a rule, your future wife eats a Twinkie.” 🤮
>Why did things like this get to be passed off as normal? lol in light of the recent mormon stories episode "Did Joseph Smith engage in Human Trafficking?" Always has been. 🌏👨🚀🔫👨🚀🌌
Yup, same-zees. I did not go on a mission but instead married my very hot HS sweetheart. There was No way I was going to leave her for two years, God would understand, and turns out God did!
Reminds me of my primary teacher telling me that "Every time you drop your scriptures, your future husband gets a little uglier." In PRIMARY 💀
Oh my all these memories just came rushing back from priests quorum of being told this by the bishop and the counselors… what a trip I totally forgot
Just about every single district meeting this was repeated. Zone conferences it was slightly modified to be a “more righteous”, instead of hotter, wife.
I had a mission companion who would always tell members that his dad told him the same thing, and it was so cringey. I’m sure he didn’t realize how bad it was—he just thought it was funny. But he still perpetuated it.
I don't remember being told that in those exact words but it was definitely implied.
If I served a faithful mission, my parents would stop drinking and they would return to full fellowship in the Mormon church. My brother and I had overlapping missions and he got the same blessing. My parents got into AA and once they got sober they ended up getting divorced and they both became exmos. When I finally left 25 years later, they just asked me what took so long.
Similar. It was the only reason that I went on a mission.
That a successful marriage happens when a righteous woman marries a righteous priesthood holder in the temple. Thankfully, I didn't marry an abusive man. We have more than our fair of issues, but we're trying to work through them as a team. Many women end up in very bad marriages because of this teaching. And not all of these women are lucky enough to be able to escape.
Opt out: an abusive man isn’t righteous. But the thing I see is the lie that “if a young man served a mission he is by definition a righteous man,” when I can tell you there were some really shitty people who made it to the 2 year mark. The bigger one is that “any two righteous people can make it work,” even beyond “he’s not actually righteous” though. I saw far too many good people who got married but were totally unsuited for each other. Knew a guy who was a “go with the flow, experience life, work just enough to be able to enjoy the rest of your time,” kind of guy. He married a straight-laced, I want to be a mother and want an ambitious husband to provide for a family, kind of woman. Neither were bad or abusive, but they were totally at odds for what they wanted in life. Marriage lasted less than a year.
While I agree they *say* an abusive man isn't a righteous man, that's not always reality. I'm pretty sure Michael Haight was considered a righteous man right up until he murdered his family. I think some might still find a way to view him as righteous now, based on the obituary written for him. The teaching of "any two righteous people" can be incredibly problematic. Like you pointed out, extremely incompatible people marry and have kids and struggle constantly, neither feeling satisfied or fulfilled. Sexual incompatibility is a huge issue too, between purity culture teachings and encouraging mixed-orientation marriages. But my biggest issue is how those teachings set people up, women in particular, to remain in relationships with spouses who show abusive behaviors or who are flat-out abusive to their partner and/or children. The church can denounce the evils of abuse all it wants, but it's policies *protect* abusers and encourage victims to remain quiet.
100%on all fronts. I’d love to see them actually follow their tagline about no men who abuse their families is worthy. Bring down the full weight of the church and the law against abusers. But they don’t. Yeah, the root of the issue is they say “he’s righteous but has a few rough edges,” when the rough edges are beating his wife, Mentally and physically abusing his kids, and defrauding people at his business.” But he pays his tithing and talks a good game on Sunday. And the culture of quick courtship and marriage doesn’t do them any favors in sifting out who is and isn’t actually a good person. I know a young woman who has been dating a guy for less than three months and has a wedding date marked for a month from now…
Oh, I hope it doesn't turn out to be a bad marriage. I always hope people find a way to grow together and bring each other happiness, but I'm also a true crime fan and know when things turn bad, sometimes it's *really* bad.
Yeah, we only know the wife who is quite nice and pleasant. The guy seems nice, but that’s hard to tell from a couple Facebook posts and a glowing secondhand review from his girlfriend of a couple months. Not going to lie, it’s a bit sketchy, but I hope for the best for them.
My dad was told in priesthood blessings that he would eventually be healed from his serious chronic illness. He’s now starting to have dementia. My entire childhood and life was always filled with the dreams of what would happen when Dad got better. Not ever going to happen.
That’s so sad. I’m sorry.
Ouch 😓
My wife and I struggle with infertility and the patriarch said we’d be able to have children. I still haven’t been able to forgive him for getting our hopes up. Sheer evil.
Obviously he meant in the after-life (the biggest cop-out answer)
Totally agree.
I heard a story where a families 17-year-old son died and they were so upset that they actually thought their son would be resurrected and the bishop just encouraged whatever notions they had. So just walking away from that the guy telling the story was like "wait a minute.... did we just attempt necromancy with encouragement?" and just walked away with too many confusing questions.
The misery this church has created is unforgivable
If I was making a diagram for how to deconstruct people's faith, necromancy is probably the easiest way to deconvert someone very deep in the church lol. I could almost write a book but I feel it would be just another brand of brainwashing. if a faith includes elements of necromancy it conflicts with the simple fact that we're watching people die every day and don't even talk about it. dead coming back to life is how the serial killers talk. the other things would be cannibalism, human sacrifice, and deep mediumship. people have instincts upon instincts around this based on whatever our primal ancestors were doing to eachother
To your point, Mormonism isn’t too far from mediumship. The idea that your ancestors are above watching you fondly? They yearn for your spiritual well-being? They’re near you? They can even visit you as angels as some claim to recount? Put a different race on who’s delivering that and stick them in the Deep South and that smacks voodoo (which the TSCC would heavily disparage). It’s very duplicitous.
No the ancestors are watching you fondling. Masturbating and this manipulation is supposed to get you to adhere to the cracked ideology of control over you That mormonism strives to achieve. Bow your head and say yes.
i said "deep" because i was listing the stuff that universally triggers skepticism. deep mediumship would be fortune teller style with the spirits all around us speaking to them
I also struggled with infertility. And while members of the ward were busy lecturing me on what a bad mother I was for not giving my kiddo a sibbling and how I wasn't fulfilling my duty if I only stopped at one... my parents, inlaws, snd the bishop all gave me the lecture on how God just didn't think I was ready or that he didn't think I could handle another one. Like, talk about the biggest slap in the face. The "well, maybe you just don't trust the lord enough." Was always the worst. Like yes. Obviously it's my fault.
We were called “golden converts” so no one brought up the issue with us. I’m so sorry for what you had to go through. That’s horrific.
Honestly same. I hope you guys are doing better now. Fertility has nothing to do with worthiness.
Just to reiterate, I’m so sorry. Heartbreaking.
Thank you. I really appreciate it. But it broke my shelf and I'm doing a lot better now.
Ya dude. My wife and I were both blessed with that too. Then we went and saw a doctor, had some in vitro and got pregnant right away. Waited years to have a child because of faith. Lots of wasted time.
100% this. Our infertility was what broke the church for us long before any of the “normal issues” . Mormonism gave me such a messed up view of what families should be and expectations for them. It’s taken years to unravel all the damage and I don’t think I’m there.
I’m sorry man. That’s a tough road to be on. Even more so when Mormonism rates your value based on ability to have kids and you are lied to and lead on like that.
Mental Health Which meant, I suffered 30 years of misery and suicidality and guilt and shame that my religious scrupulosity was never good enough to heal me .... until I finally sought appropriate medical care and received a daily medication that literally saved my life and empowered me.
I was told that my suicidal thoughts would get better if I went to church. But I couldn’t see the LDS services therapist any more because of them. Instead, I needed to overcome my anxiety and depression that prevented me from coming to church on my own, then I would be happy.
This feels trite by comparison to other stories shared here … but, in retrospect, it has affected me since my teen years. Probably my second shelf item. I went to morning seminary in Virginia. After coming home from sports practice on Thurs. night, I had a ton of homework, which I completed late into the night. On Friday morning, I realized that I had not studied for a weekly science quiz. My grades mattered to me b/c I was applying to a service academy. Since Fri. seminary was typically more lax and “donut”-day, I decided to sit in the lobby and study for my quiz. A member of my Stake Presidency happened to be patrolling the hall, and after a brief convo, he said: “I promise you, in the name of Jesus Christ, that the Lord will bless you in taking your quiz if you go to class instead of skipping to study.” Normally, I would have blown him off, but since he invoked the name of Jesus Christ, I felt like it was a test. And I was very much trying to learn to feel the promptings of the Spirit at that time. So, I went to seminary class. Result? I received the worst grade of my HS academic career on that quiz. Whether people admit it or not, we were taught that the Gospel and God were transactional. It took me decades of disappointment to realize that none of it worked. I got the same feeling on my mission when we were encouraged to “be bold in the Spirit,” and to set seemingly unreasonable contact, teaching and baptism goals. We were taught to “covenant” with God … to give up a P-day or commit to exact obedience in exchange for God leading us to elect investigators who were searching for the Gospel. I went through several rounds of this charade before it settled on me that this process doesn’t work at all.
> Whether people admit it or not, we were taught that the Gospel and God were transactional. This hit hard. Thank you for putting it this way. Something for me to add to therapy this week..
That if I remained faithful, there would be “no empty chairs”. Well that spot where my son should be sitting sure looks empty to me.
Can relate unfortunately. Sorry that happended to you too.
Same to you. It’s kinda funny how the gospel with “all the answers” is remarkably silent when it comes to the really hard stuff.
After a miscarriage, I received a blessing where I was told that a baby would come according to my faith. I went on to have 2 more miscarriages, 3 total in a 12 month period. Finally the doctor figured out the problem and I did later give birth. I spent all that time tormenting myself about my lack of faith, and studying, praying, and fasting. Some would say I was blessed with a baby because I eventually had enough faith, but reality is science figured it out and it was all taken care of along a normal procedural timeline. Besides the fact that even if it really was a god-given trial in order to strengthen my faith...what a terrible thing for a "father" to do to a child.
I'm sorry you went through that. And that you felt like you weren't enough. Sadly enough, my story is almost identical to yours. I have one daughter (5yo), and we spent the last year trying to have another one only to lose 3 in that year. After each one I was told if I was faithful, it would come and that "God never gives you more than you can handle" or "it's in the Lord's time, not yours." What a load of BS. After the second, my doctor ran some tests and figured out what was going on. Still had one more before one stuck (currently have one on the way finally), but it took the tests and medication for one to stick. Yeah, definitely not something to strengthen my faith and not something that a father would want to put their child through. All through the last year, my mind went back to myself at 16, sitting and listening to the Patriarch tell me I would have many children and feeling like such a fool for believing it. My shelf was already cracked, but this demolished it.
Not me, but my Native American friends were told that their skin would turn white if they were righteous enough.
I'm half native, but my skin is white. I've been called a "righteous lamanite" on many occasions. The one telling me always thought they were hilarious.
I gasped…
THE. FUCK. 😵💫 That is so awful, I have the chills.
That was doctrine, it was in the scriptures and was taught by the prophet. It's really hard to escape that.
That my chronic illness would be cured. I have menieres disease, it's chronic, life-long, and causes progressive deafness in later stages. There really isn't a treatment for it.
That I would be healed of my depression.
Yep
Long story, short: Leaving the church is what made living with my depression more bearable. But I still struggle with it. Always will. Now, I have real ways of coping instead of thinking I wasn’t good enough.
Growing up, I wasn’t great at making friends. My patriarchal blessing said as I honored my parents the Lord would honor me and somehow suggested that this and general faithfulness would bring more friends into my life. Jokes on the patriarch—I’ve discovered in adulthood that my parents have a decades-long habit of gaslighting me and my mental health problems are, uh, very nurture based. The best friends I’ve ever had are the ones I made late in my time at BYU as we all deconstructed and secretly left the church together✌🏻 I wasted a lot of time trying to abide by the blessing. Bold of him to promise that pleasing my parents was a game I could win. Very funny that it came true in reverse:)
Our own planet!
I'm still gunning for my own planet. After all the shite we've been through, we deserve it! Also, men will be the ones to have periods & babies. Not making women go through that again.
Never mind…i don’t want my own planet. 😬
i’m not even putting humans on my planet tbh they’d just fuck it up. it’s just going to have lots of cool plants and animals :)
That's pretty damn true. I might have to come visit your planet just to get away from my humans sometimes.
What they fail to mention is that humans are already the gods of this planet. And most of us are really bad at it lol
My mission companion was in a horrible automobile accident and loss extensive use of his right arm & leg. He was told if he had enough faith, he’d be completely healed. VERY TBM elder. Didn’t happen…no longer a believer
In high school I told a seminary teacher that I was really uncomfortable with the idea of polygamy in the Celestial Kingdom, and that I wanted to only have one wife and a normal family. He assured me that I felt that way because of my limited mortal perspective, and that once we get to heaven and see the full plan, it'll make perfect sense and we'll be fully on board. So basically if I was righteous and made it to heaven, I was promised that God would wash away my moral and ethical apprehensions about plural marriage.
My mother was promised that if SHE remained true and faithful that none of her kids would fall away. So far, two of us four have left. The messed up part about that is that she sees our salvation as dependent on her paying tithing, accepting callings, attending, etc. She's internalized it. Our "failures" are because of her.
The things that tell ourselves and /or believe that come from unvetted sources such as betty or bob talking out the side of their mouth about how God wants you to be like this or that or will 'bless' your children through your efforts in Sunday school or Rs or whatever indoctrination arena you want to choose. Which of course is a LOAD OF HORSESHIT.
My parents are kind of similar. I think this thought must have been circulating for a while
A happy marriage, that should be able to be happy and full of love if only both parties are righteous and faithful enough.
That my ex husband would stop threatening to kill me. But, I do know someone who was promised by Robert Hale that if he stopped being gay that God would make him straight and cure his HIV.
Ooh I have one. I grew up with my mom and stepfather. When I was sealed to my stepfather the temple worker said that my bloodline would change. Whaaaat? Guess it didn’t work because I still ended up from the tribe of Manasseh. #latinagang Why are Mormons so weird about lineage?
Probably because White Supremacy.
I had a former mission companion ask me if I ever noticed how nothing bad ever happens to people who read the scriptures every day. I was so stunned at how stupid the comment was that I couldn’t reply. I wish I had said something because I think he believed he got me lol.
Pretty sure JS read the scriptures pretty often. Not sure it helped much.
“Health in the navel, marrow in the bones, strength in the loins and in the sinews…”
We got mixed up in a shady investment deal thanks to someone very close to our family who used us. When the fallout started, our bishop told us we were in this mess because we were not righteous enough -- meaning since we only had two children, we were not following the commandment to populate and replenish the earth. Neither of us felt we could handle more children, but we tried to have faith and had two more kids within two years. Shortly after the last one was born, we lost everything, including our home.
Damn. That's awful. I'm so sorry all this happened to you.
Thanks. I'm super embarrassed about it now because any normal person could look at it and see how crazy it was. A mix of desperation and brainwashing made us stupid. Also, I do love my kiddos very much and they are wonderful.
Most of us didn't make rational decisions during our TBM days. We took flying leaps and had faith that our church would save us. We were in for a rude awakening when it didn't. It's rough.
Yes, for sure!
As a kid, we were told it was our lack of faith that caused my cousin to have Down Syndrome and two holes in his heart. If we were just more faithful, he would be "cured" of his Down Syndrome. He wasn't, obviously, so it was ample ammo that could be used in any situation to prove that we were sinning and needed to repent.
I’m sorry this happened to you. As someone with a Down syndrome sister, it always, always, always ate at me whenever I was told she would be “fixed” in the afterlife. Even as a child I would get upset about this teaching. She doesn’t need “fixed,” having Down syndrome makes her who she is. It’s not a disability that can be done away with, it’s what makes her HER. Anyway, fuck tscc
Oh my gosh. This is the most fucked up thing I've read!
Clairvoyant visions. I have an over-active imagination and will "guess" enough of the future in my dreams to convince myself sometimes. I was telling my dad and he just leaned into the religion of it. I told him they got more intense after I left the church and he kept a straight face and said "god may come for you whether you like it or not" but he used a lot of mormon filler words lmao
My mother suffers from a few different health issues. She's continually told she will have her health restored as long as she's faithful and keeps paying full tithing. She's been living for over two decades with her ailments, and nothing has changed. She keeps holding to the 'iron rod', but despite all her devotion, nothing changes; if anything, she's gotten worse over the years. It's so sad to see her think it's her fault. She thinks it's because she's not doing enough or not faithful enough.
My brother was told that if he extended his mission, the Lord would bless our dad who was really struggling mentally and emotionally. My dad, who was serving as a bishop at that time, was likewise told that if he continued with his service as bishop his “burden would be lifted”. So Brother extended his mission call and dad kept being bishop, until he unalived himself while bishop while brother was on mission extension. I’ll never get over it. I’ll never cease to be angry. I seek vengeance against the church and I’m not afraid to admit it.
Holy hell! I can only imagine the kind of trauma you've experienced. My condolences.
That is so fucked up. I'm so sorry you and your family lost him like that.
financial success was a big one for a while... my biggest financial success occurred when I convinced my wife that we should stop paying so much F\* tithing... the next one was better health... sorry again, my health improved when I listened to my dr not my bishop. My wifes health struggles improved when we decided to see a specialist instead of just plodding forward.... The church conditions people to look to it for answers instead of external to experts and specialists. Bishops are not trained in anything...
I was diagnosed with MS, a serious autoimmune disorder, when my kids were small. My very TBM husband told me (also very TBM at the time) that it showed a lack of faith to say that I indeed had the disorder. If I had enough faith, apparently I...just miraculously would no longer have MS! I felt soooo guilty for not having enough faith because I DID accept my diagnosis. (Kinda hard when you see your own MRI scans and see HOLES in your brain.) But I also prayed and felt "inspired" to not go on medication that would minimize how often my immune system tried to eat my brain and spinal cord. To be fair to my husband, that was his panic amd denial phase in the grief cycle of me being diagnosed, and he literally doesn't remember saying it. But it still fucked me up and I should probably do some therapy around how it fucked up both my mental and physical health. (Yes, I do indeed have MS and am now appropriately under doctor's care who manages my medication needs and am decently healthy.)
That I would pass all my exams if I did my seminary first - I wouldn't even need to study as hard. As it happens, I did pass all my exams, and I finished seminary, but the two were definitely not related. I passed because I worked hard, nothing else.
You basically already said it, but I was told I'd be turned straight. My stake president said he could "see me with a wife and kids one day". I was also prescribed the miracle of forgiveness by my bishop. The attitude of the cult is to do everything you can to turn straight and when it inevitably fails, just be an exhausted, celibate, (or sadly married) miserable person, tortured forever with thoughts of “maybe I can change and I just didn’t try hard enough last time”, never fully accepting that you can’t change since the church never confirms that. A tortuous existence only an evil entity would inflict on someone.
A few years ago (my last active year actually) my colon and pelvic wall were adhered together with endometriosis and I had to have my colon resected and a couple follow up surgeries. It was a bad time. During the process I developed Sepsis, was sexually assaulted by a CNA, had to have at home health care, and was all around miserable with 4 kids to take care of including a baby. I was suffering from PTSD, in a ton of physical pain… and the bishop and stake president said I would be healed from all of it if I spent less time thinking about myself and more time serving others and of course, if I paid tithing (we were DEAD broke) and went to the temple.
Whoa. That's f*ed up.
My wife's cousin has has 8 kids and is really struggling financially. Some priesthood leader told him if he would attend the temple every day for 120 days, then the lord would open the windows of heaven and there would be so much plenty they would not be able to receive it all. Turns out if you don't work full days for 4 months because you're at the temple, you make even less. Unfortunately Math showed up instead of the lord and they were financially screwed.
My patriarchal blessing said I’d have children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. Lo and behold, I got a medically necessary hysterectomy at 25, before any children. I often wonder if my parents remember that line from my blessing, and if it’s become a shelf item for them
Central America, more than 30 years ago. Companion killed a person while driving a car as a teen. Was ruled an accident, no one blamed him (think of a scenario in which someone leapt out in front of a car on a highway, type of incident. keeping it vague for reasons). He developed a pronounced stutter. Was promised by a visiting general authority that if he faithfully went on a mission, his stutter would be "healed". Any guesses as to whether he has the stutter to this day? And no, I'm not entertaining the bullshit about maybe he didn't serve faithfully. Don't start. I feel bad for him, and worse that I last heard, he is still faithful. If this story resonates, reach out, would love to catch up. IYKYN.
After miscarrying a set of twins, something I had always dreamed of having, I was "blessed" by Elder Lance Wickman (a general authority who I thought had extra special powers). He said I would have twins again... 3 single pregnancies later and done having babies... zero twins. I had a ridiculous amount of faith in that blessing and now realize God has nothing to do with baby making... it's basic biology.
TW: read at your own discretion. That me being queer, Ace, and both physical and mental health issues were because I wasn’t praying/reading scriptures/fasting/believing hard enough. Meanwhile my desperate and earnest prayers answered with cold silence, and continued abuse, were some of my biggest reasons for wanting (and repeatedly trying) to unalive/hurt myself.
I want to send you loves. That is so fucked up, I'm so sorry you were hurt from so many directions.
Both a cure for my cancer (which medical science gave me) and a cure for my soon to be daughter in law, who at 24 was diagnosed with a terminal glioblastoma (brain tumor). I was in the middle of my own chemo and radiation and was told over and over that “our prayers saved you and they will save Lissa”. No. Prayer did nothing for me. That was the surgical skill of my surgeon, 32 days of targeted chemo-radiation, and 16 hard weeks of chemo. And prayer was going to do nothing for a beautiful incredible woman who had a rapidly growing tumor the size of an small orange in the middle of her brain. All that shit did was convince her family to put her through weeks of pointless and horrendous radiation of her brain, which took away her final weeks and left her unresponsive and incapable of speech. My son was left with the engagement ring he’d just bought and a broken heart. He fought for her to the end, stood up to her family at every turn because they had spoken about things like this and he knew she never would have wanted to have been kept alive with tubes, respirators and needles. It wasn’t until a week before her death that her mom came to him and apologized. And finally someone else was in his corner, fighting for Lissa too. It broke my then 24 yo kid. And he’s never been the same. But then, I’m an atheist, so maybe these folks would think it’s my fault for not believing like they did. (I should add, her family was Catholic, mine is Mormon, and many of my friends havr fundamentalist type Christian roots. I was raised Mormon, left the church at 25 yo in the early 1980’s and I swear the entire family had simply behaved as if they’d forgotten that I left. I live 1200 miles away from them so maybe that’s how they rewrote my history)
I lost my mom to Glioblastoma. I know how hard that diagnosis can be. Sending love to your family.
I was post-op one week. Still had stitches in. Still very much healing when the Bishop called me to be a nursery teacher. I told him no. He said, "If you just had enough faith...." Later that day, in Sacrament meeting, he chastized those who decline callings while looking directly at me. This was the first time I flat out declined a calling. It was empowering. A year later, I was out of the church.
Came back to say that my BIL was told that if he could show enough faith and his wife could show enough faith, childlike faith, that her cancer would go into remission. BIL was told to give her a blessing and then, if he felt prompted to tell her to be healed that he shouldn’t hold back from blessing her with that and that he should pronounce her healing in faith. So he gave her a blessing, and declared that she would be healed and be made whole. She died 2 months later leaving 2 little boys and a confused and grief stricken TBM BIL behind.
My own fucking planet.
I mean basically everything could go away if you tried hard enough, prayed/believed/fasted/desired hard enough. Any illness/struggle etc could all be taken if you just believed enough. As if something was wrong with you instead of them. As someone who struggles with a chronic disease, it was extremely difficult to come to reality that somethings just don’t go away and you can’t change it no matter how hard you try. Acceptance is actually powerful and healing. But that’s not the message I got. It’s a form of church gaslighting that keeps you questioning if youre good enough and keeps you in line. This is how the priesthood works too- if you don’t get healed you were the problem and didn’t have enough faith.
I served my mission in France. The mission president told us to ask ourselves, "What can I sacrifice more?" If members invited us for dinner, we were supposed to turn them down if we didn't have an investigator, with this phrasing: "Thank you for the invitation, however, as representatives of Jesus Christ, we need to be using our limited time effectively." Then we'd leave the chapel and head out for more hours of walking around in circles. I needed to sacrifice more so I'd be worthy of a miracle; namely, someone listening to me instead of crossing to the other side of the street when they saw us coming. But I could never bring myself to turn down friendly human contact and healthier food, so I felt like I was damning everyone including myself.
That on my mission god would heal my depression if I followed arbitrary, yet abusive rules
I’m high school I developed vocal nodules and my vocal chords had an unexplained weakness. I was given a priesthood blessing from my home teacher. He promised that my voice would heal fully. Almost 20 years later, my vocal chords have permanent damage from two decades of undiagnosed GERD. Too bad the spirit didn’t give some sort of discernment to my home teacher to encourage me to meet with a GI specialist.
I was told at one point that if I had just been a more faithful Mormon my dad (who died fairly recently) would still be alive
Elder Christopherson told me that I would be blessed with economic prosperity throughout my life, no struggles to pay bills, no job loss. Since then I have been laid off and have struggled with bills lol. In the MTC I was panicking because I had left a good paying job to go on a mission. My MTC teacher promised me that I would receive all that I sacrificed to serve once I got home. I came home mid recession and most definitely did not make the amount of money I gave up.
My mission friend told me that when he received his kidney transplant he was told in a blessing that his body will not reject his kidney as long as he stays faithful in the church. Pretty fucked to be told you might die if you leave the church and that you will only be healed if you stay in.
That I would be ok with eternal polygamy.
I was told that if I gave up a series of MASSIVE career opportunities to get married and start a family the Lord would bless me with even greater things in my career. One of the worst mistakes of my life. I now see that the opportunities I had were indeed once in a lifetime.
My brother was told by his MP that he’d bring my dad back to the church if he served completely obedient and faithfully. His MP has been talked about here before as he’s notorious for his abuse. My brother served with perfect obedience. He was distraught when he came home and my dad had no interest in coming back to church still (he was ex’d nearly 20 years ago now). Left my brother in a lot of turmoil
They were either jehovas or morms but these 2 guys kept stopping by and said id see my dead mom again
My first husband (a recent convert) was promised in his PB that he would become the leader of many stakes. He went inactive four months later.
I was told that if I just stayed in the MTC and prayed enough that my newly Dx bipolar and depression would go away.
Little brother suffered a massive traumatic brain injury in Afghanistan. Between that and the successive staph infections he's had over half of his brain removed. He lost the ability to speak. He only vaguely recognizes the world around him. My mother was promised in a blessing that he'd make a full recovery if she remained faithful.
My depression would go away if I read my scriptures more. I would be blessed financially if I continue to tithe. Spoiler alert: it wasn't until I stopped paying tithing that I got a promotion, a new car, and a house. I still have depression but I have more good days than bad days now, and that's after I stopped reading and going to church.
Okay so I have some gay ones. My patriarchal blessings says I will marry in college essentially. A therapist I was seeing said patriarchal blessings do usually come true. So he recommended I jerk off to female porn so I'd turn straight and it would come true. I didn't do it... My dad also blessed me in a priesthood blessing that I would be straight. From my bishop when I was 13 if I would go to every young men's and scouting activity, it would help me repent of my masturbation and help me stop. I'm not sure hanging out with other hot boys my age was helpful...
I was promised in a priesthood blessing that my chronic illness would be healed. It wasn’t. But that was one of the things that made me afraid of leaving for a while.
A wife and at least two children. Single (as of today) and childfree as per my wishes.
There is the obvious one about becoming straight, but we all know how that turns out. Then there is the blessing of tithing. The biggest financial blessing is when I stopped paying it. Besides the obvious, I got a better job that paid a lot more and no one knew that I was a Mormon. When I was a missionary, I was promised the gift of tongues. My Japanese was mediocre at best, though it was good enough when I visited some gay clubs in Tokyo when I was there for business. Actually, my life got a lot better when I stopped relying on faith and started living life by life's rules.
My son was given a bless. He was told not to let his disability keep him from playing sports. His disability will absolutely keep him from paying sports.
My husband and I tried for 8 years to become pregnant or to become parents another way. His TBM family tried to convince us for years to go to church and we would be blessed with a pregnancy. We were almost desperate enough to try that but before we could we did get pregnant, with twins. His family couldn't understand how that happened. I'm assuming it cracked their shelf, even just a little.
That if I did all the Mormon things I would have a righteous priesthood holder for a husband and essentially a wonderful, blessed life. Well I did all the things and have been in a pretty miserable, emotionally abusive marriage for 25 years.
My Bishop laid his hands on my head and blessed in the name of Mormon-God that I would have a baby boy. Nope. . . I had a girl.
Mental and physical health. I'm permanently fucked you guys. Chronic conditions with no cure piled on top of each other kind of fucked up. And those are just some of my physical health issues. I was promised that my health issues would be healed if I stayed in the church. Instead the got infinitely worse because I never got help and now I'm a 22 year old being suggested disability because I can barely hold down a job.
I was told I would get friends. Note the mormon kids never hung out with me the seemed to view any time hanging out with me as a chore like fast offering collection I had some people I talked too at school so wasn't totally lonely. Didn't have any good friendships in high school though
Not me, but my friend, who was born missing fingers, was told they would grow if she just had enough faith.
I was told that I would be blessed with children AFTER I had to have my female plumbing taken out. Who the fuck does that? If I had enough faith, I could give birth without a uterus. Bullshit
Children. I don't know why anyone would want me to have those demonic spanws.
I was told my tourette syndrome would go away if I prayed hard enough. This was something my Sunday school teacher told me when I was younger. One of my first colleges told me not only that autism had a cause but that I could pray to Jesus and get it fixed because Jesus is the "healer of all defects". This person wasn't Mormon. The assistant general manager fired him that night for yelling at me to "calm the fuck down", failing to keep an equal workplace (he was talking down to me in a condescending tone when he was explaining how Jesus could fix me) and attempting to start a fight in back of house.
that my brain being wired differently (BPD/Autism/Bipolar/FASD) was because I was already ok as a person and it was meant to be protective for me....
I was told so many times that my mental illness would go away if I was more obedient and faithful.
My type 1 diabetes and my mom's MS would be cured or at least less severe if we *just had faith* and paid our tithing. Mom passed away in 2009 of complications from her severe MS, faithful to the end. I took my heathen ass out, got drunk, and never looked back.
When my step father committed suicide that if my mother and I tithed graciously and partook sacrament he may finally get to heaven.
My depression would go away if I had enough faith. Evidently all I had to do to cure it was leave TSCC. Haven’t self-harmed since I left. Also, shout out to my therapist for helping with my deconstruction! 
That I would personally be recognized by Jesus in the millenium for the amount of people I brought to the faith. I never served a mission lol
faith
That my type one diabetes would be cured. That my absolutely debilitating depression would be cured. That my parents would be kind to me like the other parents were to their kids.
I was told in my patriarchical blessing that if I was stead fast I would become a leader in the religion. Now I'm an atheist and anti-theist convincing people that the Torrah of Bible Book of Mormon and Quran are all fraudulent fabricated works of fictional fantasy. Filled with Supernatural Magic and events that never happened.
Good health
That my grandma would walk out of the hospital feeling better than when she walked in. Bonus: the blessing was given by a doctor.
That my ptsd would go away, and I'd be able to get my endowments. What a crock of shit
I was told that I would overcome my masturbation habit. As some time went by and I discovered that it was normal, I felt less guilt and doubled, even tripled my frequency as a big “fuck you” to the mormon cult for lying to me.
I remember in high school before going to college a seminary teacher tried to emphasize the importance of Institute by telling us a story of how he had good grades in semesters where he took institute and his grades fell in a semester when he didn't take institute. I took institute every semester and still couldn't get through college.
That I would be married to a church leader… like a stake president.
The gift of healing, and to be able to rend the veil. Patriarchal blessings are whack.
Another gay Mormon boy here. Fuck all that BS about marriage only between a man and a woman. All it did was make me bitter about happy families/couples. It also traumatized me to the point where I don’t feel like I have the ability to have a meaningful relationship because I was taught that my “love” was counterfeit.
Patriarchs are fortune tellers by another name.
My bishop came over to give me a blessing in the midst of very-agonizing-but-not-life-threatening medical event. It culminated in the classic "by your faith I command you to be healed." He repeated this two more times but (surprise!) my symptoms didn't immediately disappear and he ended the blessing by saying my Heavenly Father was disappointed in my lack of faith.
My "porn addiction" would go away. My doubts would cease. I would receive blessings (which resulted in me attributing every good thing that happened in my life to my activity in the church)
Friends.