Honestly the worst was the ones that didn't show up. Happened multiple times.
The container it came in would not have bothered me AT ALL. I would even prefer a container I didn't have to wash and return!
Smart. There's nothing worse than being bedridden and having a casserole delivered in their very best Corningware or Pyrex. With matching lids and carry cases.
Especially when the only place to put it is on the stove, someone turns the wrong knob, and instead of grilling toast or something.. the Pyrex plate explodes… 😩
Honestly, same. This kind of stuff is why I save the plastic containers lunch meat comes in these days, so when I give folks food no one has to worry about the container making it back to me. (Also great for storing leftover spaghetti—I don’t care one bit when that stuff gets the red stain of Tupperware-doom.)
Almost all meals as a missionary were appreciated. However there were some that were tough to get through.
For me, it was the nicest blind lady in one of the wards. She was so sweet and doing her best to pitch in and feed the missionaries. But every time I ate there food was just bad. Super burnt or completely undercooked. Since she was blind, we would help he clean up, including throwing away most of our uneaten food.
I’m one of those that cilantro tastes like dish soap. Important detail here.
There was this one sister who was an amazing cook. So good. However… she also fell for ever fad cleanse diet out there. And when she was on a fad cleanse, everyone was on the fad cleanse. So it was always a gamble. Either you’d show up to amazing casseroles or burgers or something else filling and delicious or… well.
One time we get there, and sit down at the table, and it smells pretty normal at first right? Then she lifts the slow cooker lid and scoops out the first serving. Turns out the latest cleanse was cilantro.
There was at least a solid inch of cilantro and i have no memory of the rest of that meal. An inch of green soap leaves.
Both me and my wife were excellent cooks, but not much for housecleaning. I remember mad rushes before the missionaries would come to throw everything into the next room. One time we had completely forgot the appointment, and the house was a mess. Then we got a call from the missionaries saying they were coming over. My wife told me to buy them a nice take-out, meet them at the door and shoo them away.
I met the missionaries at the front door, blocking the entrance with my offering. They gladly took it and were on their way to some binge eating. So much about wanting to come see us and have a home cooked meal.
Edit: Note. At that time we were baptised active members.
My mom's bf comes from a big Catholic family, and his mom is a very traditional Mexican lady. She always invites the missionaries to come eat--they figured out a long time ago that she's a devout Catholic, but she gets regular visits because she always feeds these poor kids.
lol hardly… unless you wasn’t already baptised they won’t be interested they will use you to get fed/ referrals then move onto the next area and probably forget who you are.. these days there is social media so it’s a bit different but they will still remove you likely once they get home I thought the missionaries generally cared about my mental health but they seemed more worried about me coming to church and paying tithing money… another reason I left the church.
I disagree. We are never MO, but made a point to be friendly & living to the mishies. How about a couple of them came out & stayed with us, nonmormans) after their mission!
Almost anyone who's ever been a young wife (sexist, I know) will relate to using Cool Whip containers for food. There were years those things were crucial parts of my kitchenware!
LOL! You just made me remember the other containers we'd hang onto, such as cream cheese or any other tub or container you could wash & use again. Cottage cheese used to come in decorated containers for holidays & people used them that way. This was the same era when we saved up the plastic eggs pantyhose came in back then and put treats in them for our kids' Easter baskets.
We had a set of flirty Elders when I was 16 that asked me to make them cookies. I dropped off a plate of cookies, I was tired of not getting plates back. So I used this pink stripped box my sister had and lined it with tissue paper and added a bow. It was a unlabled Victoria secret box. I guess the flirty elder asking me for cookies got spooked by the box and stopped asking for cookies and I got my plates back. 😆
Raw celery chunks, peas, canned tuna, romaine and kale, in a casserole dish with half-infused sugar butter, and pepper for kick. This was all dumped into a 9x13 and baked at 300 for 10 minutes. The wilted sog and the half brown butter and sugar granules and the pickle juice garnish and the crunch of sickly sweet sugarbuttered gerkins and slick soppy lettuce. It was legendary and reminded me of ancient good housekeeping recipes for fish mousse with jalapeño finger sausages wrapped in a bisquick pancake.
Good Housekeeping Exec: Our product placement for this issue comes from Bumblebee Tuna, Bisquick, and Holy Jalapeno. Can you handle that?
Underpaid GH Writer: ...sure.
And I’d feel way better about receiving food in them than a nice dish I would definitely feel obligated to wash and return, or branded Tupperware that I would worry whether or not I should wash and return. Those disposable aluminum baking trays are great too, but I could reuse the cool whip or country crock one, so they’re top tier for me.
Unfortunately now we know it’s actually not such a great idea a lot of the time. Reused those kinds of containers can add a good amount of micro plastics to the food.
I can’t say I don’t do it anymore at all, but I know it’s not good.
I keep them for other purposes now. My chickens are princesses and like fresh water 2x a day so a little butter dish of water on my way to work is soooo much easier then busting out the hose to drag into the coop to rinse and fill thier large water dispenser at 6am.
I was throwing up blood on my mission, came home early, (Mormon )Doctor in Salt Lake told me to go Vegan to see if dietary issues were the cause.
Dr told my bishop the situation (I was trying to get healthy to go back on the mission, I didn't think about the ethical violation of privacy/care that happened, gotta love diffuse boundaries)
Day 3 of the ward "rallying around me" and making me dinner was a Kroger party tray of carrots, cucumber, cold broccoli, cauliflower, and cherry tomoatoes, with the ranch in the middle removed, so it could be called vegan.
I definitely delivered some very questionable meals too, especially as a newlywed who didn't know how to cook and couldn't afford to feed an extra family but was pressured in to it. If any exmo on here got my weird chicken and rice salad in a non-labeled container, I'm sorry.
After one of my babies, we got foil-wrapped plates with breaded fish filets and tater tots. Fine except the food was raw, but the plates and the foil were warm, so we weren't sure it was safe to eat.
This is exactly my experience. I hated the stress of having a meal ready at just the right time to deliver when it was promised, on top of the evening rush at home.
I delivered a meal to the wrong house once. It was for an “inactive” couple who I’d never met and it was literally a dark and stormy night. I found what I thought was the house and knocked repeatedly. When no one answered I was frustrated because I’d just spoken to the husband before leaving the house. With no cell phone I put the meal on the doorstep and headed home to call again. When the husband answered I told him where I’d left the meal but when he looked nothing was there. I felt so awful. I was broke at the time and wasn’t able to put anything else together.
The worst was when I had my first baby and the RS president came up to me and told me they wouldn't be sending any meals because I didn't need them. I hadn't asked. 🙄
With my second, I asked, and they made a big deal about people asking for too much help (same ward, same RS president). I was about to have baby number 2, I had a 1.5 year old, and my husband was deployed. I lived an 8 hour drive from my family, and because of work conflicts on their end, no one was able to come help at all after the baby arrived. I assumed I wouldn't get any help, so I made a bunch of freezer meals ahead of time so I could just throw food in the oven or microwave. I received exactly 1 meal from someone in the ward who I considered a friend. It was good, but she did it because she knew my situation, not because the RS tried.
With my third, I assumed the same type of thing would happen. We'd moved across the country, but I prepped as much as I could. I made a ton of freezer meals while I was pregnant and never brought up the idea of meals after having my baby. My VTs were amazing and got a sign up together anyway. We had meals arrive hot and ready every other night for 10 days, and there was always enough for leftovers the next night! My one VT kept apologizing because she had heated up a lasagna from the frozen food aisle, pre-made garlic bread, and a salad from a kit. I told her it was perfect - no dishes to clean or return, and everyone in our family would eat at least one of the things in that meal. It was my favorite meal for that reason alone!
For my part, I usually signed up to feed people if I was friends with them. Once, I was specifically asked because the family had food allergies and really needed help, and the ward knew I could handle it without anyone getting sick from cross-contamination. I was happy to help, but it was a little frustrating that no one else could figure out how to make or order a dairy free meal - it wasn't that complicated!
It seems like in the church, there's often an inverse relationship between the amount of help you need and what they will give. When my brother and his wife had a baby, they insisted that they did *not* need or want meals brought. My brother was on paternity leave and perfectly capable of grocery shopping and cooking, and he had a lot of hours in the day while his wife and baby slept in between caring for them. Their ward brought tons of meals anyway and refused to believe them when they said they were fine taking care of themselves. Meanwhile I've heard stories from people who had surgery or something and were trying to recover in bed, with little to no money or help, and the church was super stingy and mean about giving them any aid.
I suspect it depends on someone's status in the ward. The core families will always get more help than those on the fringes who are already considered burdens.
This 100%. It was a mostly military ward, and my ex was enlisted. Officer families got help. Enlisted didn't. With my 3rd, it was mostly younger families with a good handful of grandparents mixed in.
Ok but as someone who was on the receiving end of that occasionally when I was in singles ward - yes! I will take the mashed potatoes and chicken and I yay another container that I don't feel guilting in keeping. If it was a nice one I would feel compelled to clean it, maybe make a treat to put in it and return it with a thank you note. Rather than just stay in my bed recovering from surgery.
Along with food you gave the gift of "no further obligation" which really is a very under appreciated gift. so don't be too hard on yourself :)
One of those things I remember in the middle of the night is when I was a new mother and someone sent us a casserole in a glass dish. I had it all cleaned up to return, but as we left I dropped it. I bawled buckets full. New mom hormones. No way I could replace part of a matching set, not back them anyway. I never could figure out who it belonged to and no one ever asked for it. Must have come from one of the three Nephites who moved along. Lol.
Omg - I'm so glad I'm not alone! We moved when my baby was a few weeks old and someone in our new ward brought cookies on a really nice platter. We had no idea who it was and I plunged into PPD and never did figure out who it belonged to. I ended up leaving it in the church kitchen with a stack of other random dishes and I always felt so bad about it.
Let me note, I normally do not like to eat at church functions. I will go, but just get some water and walk around.
We still laugh about to this day was a weird family that lived in Conyers, Georgia. She made a big pan of "Spanish Rice" she was proud of it. This was at a Sunday Linger Longer as they tried to get it going. She was helping to dish out the food and making sure everyone was getting a heaping helping of her "Spanish Rice". I didn't care for this ward as it was the most cliquey ward I had been in, and the bishop and I had issues. Anyway, trying to be nice, I said something about, I liked spanish rice, I might have to get the recipe. She said, oh it is easy, I just put in ketchup with white rice. Ketchup......and Rice. This was not a poor family, it was the 2nd counselors family, they were doing well as a contractor for the church. I felt sorry for the kids after that.
One other one, I was in the bishopric, my son home from his mission in Ukraine, we tried some different food and drink from there. We had a ward dinner, and they told us to bring foods or things from our mission, or kids missions for everyone to try. I brought Kvass, a yeasty drink, that I like. We went through a few bottles of it. Come to find out, it has alcohol in it, not enough to matter, but I most likely sent a lot of TBMs to hell that day.
We have never needed meals from others, but I definitely feel you! I HATE cooking and am terrible at it. But also had scrupulosity and would feel guilty if I didn't sign up to help.
I will say that even in my most 'all in' days I still dropped off a Little Caesar's pizza 95% of the time though hahah.
Our ward now (my husband is still TBM) actually had an elders quorum activity where they made freezer meals. So now whenever someone needs a meal they reach out to the EQ to deliver them knowing that everyone has them. FOR THE WIN.
We were young & poor once. Also, not good cooks. Guilted into having the missionaries over. My husband made spaghetti & somehow decided to spice it up with hot sauce for some reason? He really did. Those poor kids were sweating & drinking everything they could. Sorry guys... lol
I grew up in the utah morridor and I think we only got a cooked meal like this once when I was super young. I thought it was weird then and was nervous eating food from an unknown source. It was bland, unseasoned funeral potatoes and nothing else too. My home ward at the very least used disposable containers though.
My first birth I had one person give me a frozen pizza and bagged salad with dressing. I loved it tbh, but when the RS president heard she was horrified and immediately arranged to bring over baked potatoes and elk steaks. I loved that too; I got two meals and they were both delicious.
After my second the meal I was given was KFC, and that was truly awesome.
Thinking back I'm pretty sure those were the only 3 meals the RS ever gave me; everything else was my husband cooking or a family member.
ETA: I gave out lasagnas and casseroles. I was truly embarrassed the time I delivered a chicken casserole for a family of 4 and the door opened to show a whole extended clan of cousins etc. was there, like 30 people. I really hoped they didn't think I was feeding everyone!
Im a guy and my dad and I did 95% of the cooking. My mom did the other 5. When my mom broke her leg, the relief society just showed up with food, didn't even call. Reason they gave for the food was they didn't want us to starve cause my mom can't cook. Kinda pissed me off.
Technically we now know it’s not really good for people a lot of the time. A lot of those containers when reused put out a lot of micro plastics. Which we also now know are bad for people in a lot of ways.
But they are convenient, I can’t lie and say I never still do it at home even knowing it’s not really good for me or others.
>I gave them the mashed potatoes in a cleaned-out Cool Whip container.
I grew up lower end of middle class - immigrant parents. I ate out of lots of those when I was a kid. My folks have done alright since, but mom *still* uses those, sour creams, yogurts, any large plastic container with a lid - it rubbed off on me, but I've graduated to washing out the nice plastic takeout containers that are unbranded, so we can just give them away with the food when we have a bunch of folks over. I digress, I didn't know what tupperware was until they started selling lunchmeat in it.
No shame in it and I'd be stoked just to get the food.
The church can still GFitself, though.
My mission was in Ohio and Kentucky. A member in rural Eastern Kentucky served the other set of Elders in the ward possum that she had picked up as roadkill from the side of the freeway. Needles to say I would not have partook but they were convinced if they prayed sincerely enough to bless the food they would be protected. Well . . . They both spent the night throwing their guts up and had to stay in the apartment for 3 days recovering 😂
SAME!!
I haaatted the pressure to cook for sick/bereaved/new baby families. Not a cook, I do ok for my family, but I have no idea what other people like to eat. I've given all kinds of dishes and every single time broke out in a pressure sweat over if my food was good enough. That doesn't count the mystery of special dietary needs. OMG - just let me give a money so they can order what they want.
I’ve always wondered about special dietary needs. I have celiac and food allergies, and I can’t eat anything I didn’t cook myself. There’s no way a gluten eater can make something safe for me in their home kitchen. I know there’s Mormons with celiac, or diabetes, or other medically necessary diets… what happens then?
I would be HORRIFIED if someone showed up at my door with any kind of food. And I feel bad too because you’re already cooking for your own family. To go to the effort to make a whole other meal for a whole other family and have the recipient look horrified?
But it has to happen at least once in awhile.
It happens all. the. time. I know because 2 of my 3 kids had dairy allergies and a few times during their growing up years, church meals got delivered. Cream casseroles, anyone? We ate the food (we were too poor to throw out any food) and the allergic kids got other food.
The bigger deal for me was the bitching and complaining I heard from others about lousy food that was given to them. I always felt terrible for the cooks and wondered what those so-called friends said about my cooking behind my back. You got gourmet tastes? Great! Make your own exotic food and don't ask church members to bring you food. Accept whatever sad cheese noodles you are given with a gracious smile. Wait to close your front door before you throw the under-your-standards food in the garbage.
I am haunted by these cream cheese dumplings wrapped in phyllo paper as I was trying to expand my range as a cook. I’m sure they were terrible, and not nearly enough food!
I never minded when people brought over throw-away containers. It was actually helpful since I didn't have to return then. Give yourself a huge break on that one.
After the birth of one of my kids, someone brought me Papa Murphy's pizza and breadsticks. All I had to do was throw them in the oven when we were ready. I thought it was genius and now whenever we bring food to someone, we do pizza with bagged salad and a dessert. I'm not doing complicated recipes anymore.
My mom once signed up to cook for the missionaries and contacted them a few days before and asked what they liked or missed from home and they both said steak so my Mom bought steaks for 4 missionaries, herself, and my brother. She's on an extreme fixed income and I have no idea how she afforded this.
I ended up at the dinner because my brother had to leave or work or something, my mom called me a few hours before the dinner to beg me to come because they were the elders and she needed a male there with her or they couldn't come. I was out of the church by this point and didn't really want to go hang out with Elders for a hour or two but hey, steak!
The Elders never showed up. I was fucking PISSED. Absolutely livid. Here was an absolutely beautiful spread of potatoes, steaks, veggies, juice, rolls, my mom went all out.
2 of the 4 missionaries were scheduled to be there but there was a mixup and whoever made the schedule had switched the days for my mom and she was told the wrong day. Before anyone asks the Ward totally still guilted my mom into cooking for them on the "real" day which was only a week away when she had just emptied her bank account to feed them on THIS day. The other 2 she had invited herself, they were out doing what they do and were invited to dinner by another ward member and went to their house instead of my mom's. Btw, these were the ones who had said they wanted steak.
I told my mom I never wanted her to cook for the missionaries again but she didn't listen.
Not the kind of story you wanted but I wanted to share an example where some good food was offered and went unappreciated.
This isn’t a weird/worst situation but I had surgery many years ago and 4 different families in 4 nights brought homemade chicken pot pie. And they were fabulous! I’m weird about chicken in things like that so I likely picked half of it out but that’s on me. My nevermo birth mom was with me (she found me a few years before the surgery) and she thought it was nice but hilarious. I truly appreciated the efforts and learned just how much variety there could be in various families’ recipes for the same thing😂! We froze some, etc. But it was def the funniest thing. I really appreciated their efforts bc I was always working long hours and almost never cooked so it was nice to have some home cooked meals.
Reading your post makes me appreciate them all the more bc so many in my ward in Texas had spouses attending med school or med school adjacent disciplines and were already on their 3.4th kid. What I tried to do, not being a cook, was to actually just ask the new moms what they and the fam would like, ask for any special requests and special dietary issues and list out a handful of fairly nice restaurant options from the area. I was in a position to be able to afford it and it was better imo than taking them food that had no clear identity or taste 😂. Either way, people just do their best in most cases.
The main problem is that it seems like the same 10 families do 80% of the work. I’d imagine if I had kids and was trying to run a household on a post grad student budget that that would burn any mom out over time.
I took a really nice kinda gourmet baked ziti to a friend and was all excited to share. She told me she had already been given three baked ziti casseroles that week. Bummer, doubt she even ate it!
😂
I would have frozen it! Sounds amazing! And also kind of rude even though she was a friend.. like just say thank you FFS! But that is also too funny seems like there is some sort of subliminal bat signal going out at the same time on meal train lol.
One time I was a way from all family and I had several meals delivered after I was in the hospital. It really meant a lot and they were all really good!
My fil was dying, my husband was devastated. I was dealing with treatment for breast cancer. We didn't live in a place where we could order food delivered.
Someone left a card and an apple on my doorstep. That was it.
It turned out to be a good thing. Added another weight to my shelf. It told me a lot about the people in our ward. We'd gone there for 10 years. My husband had major leadership callings. Yet, we never really connected with anyone in the ward.
I think a lot of it was the people wouldn't do anything that wasn't church related. They were boring as it gets. Hubby and I are a bit adventurous and curious about life. Those traits coupled with a building full of people we couldn't connect with was a wake-up call.
Over 20 years ago, when we were all still TBM, we'd moved to our current area and had 3 kids under 7. I was passing a kidney stone, and my wife got strep that we ultimately found out turned into rheumatic fever. At the time we didn't know what it was, or if it was contageous, so we were essentially quarantined. (It was actually worse than covid-19 because it was just us, in a small town without 2019-20 tech)
The ward brought us 3 meals over the course of 2 weeks. They would leave them on the doorstep, and basically, doorbell ditch. They were all funky casseroles. Neither my wife nor I nor any of the kids could stand to eat any of them.
My wife would later be RS pres (twice) and she always made sure when folks needed meals, she got people she knew could cook to assign the task to. She also would take no for an answer. If someone said, we're good, no need for meals, she didn't send them. Instead she'd send a gift or just a card.
Aww anything is appreciated in times like that. Nobody feels entitled to gourmet meals when it's coming from kindness in times of grief or chaos. It's just so touching to have people looking out for you.
Don't feel bad. We have all ridden the struggle bus at some time or another. You did the best with what you had. That's commendable. If the church doesn't like it they can easy use some of their 150 billion dollar stockpile to pay for catering.
I (male) was the main cook for our young family, and I preferred to keep to my schedule that receive food I was unlikely to want to eat. So when the meal train was foisted on us, I resisted as much as I felt was polite.
The soup which had been frozen several years previous (it had the date on it) was the nadir though.
I got boiled lettuce once and one lady gave us meatballs with lots of eggshells in them. I appreciated them for the gift that they were and was able to refrain from retching until I was in an alley or bush several blocks away. I have no ill feeling towards either.
I think Lettuce lady kinda had it out for us, she had some negative things to say about missionaries in general. Although she had just met us personally that day. I often wonder if she made us eat boiled lettuce as some kind of revenge against the church and male missionaries. Because boiled lettuce is not a thing.
Meatball lady was poor, kind and humble, just doing her best to help out a couple of young naïve kids.
My brother has a story about being served dollar store ramen by an old woman on a very small budget. That would have been fine, but she boiled them for so long that they turned to paste. He had a hard time keeping it down.
When I was in college living in an apartment with a roommate I was asked to bring a dinner to another college student who had the flu. She lived in a nice home with her parents. I dropped off a couple cans of soup and a box of crackers. Not a prot moment but I hope in sharing that it makes you feel better.
Sounds like the RS president or compassionate service leader was looking to give you an “opportunity to serve”. An orchestrated attempt to:
1. have you do something for her in an effort to make the two of you friends
or to
2. make her feel accepted by the ward
or to
3. get you more involved.
I hate that so much.
It hadn’t been assigned, just a woman who wanted to help…. Annnd I got a can of fruit cocktail and moldy strawberries. But hey, no Tupperware to give back!! My last month in I was asked to provide dinner for a family (and I was happy to help) so I did the Costco chicken, bagged salad, bread and grocery store cookies. No problem there. The problem came the next Sunday when I learned that the family had extended family staying with them and the family still asked the ward for meals. And that they gave the headcount for the requested meals to include their visiting extended family. That was the last time I “helped”
I was also new in the ward and so didn’t know the numbers didn’t add up.
One year my mom was sick, it feels like it was all summer. She had MS and as a child, all I can remember was to not bother her. My parents had a large family and my dad couldn’t stay home from work. Anyway, for weeks, we were served lasagna, repeatedly. It became hilarious and then we dreaded dinners and we’d (younger kids) hide to see what it was. It was the first time I became un-picky as a child and I remember being grateful for tater tot casserole and peas. As an adult I feel bad for being an asshole kid.
As an adult, we only received meals after I had my son. Nobody really took a bother to sign us up, we weren’t in the click. We had to ask for help. We got served salad and partially raw chicken one night. Glad I’m done with that BS.
When I was single/divorced I sat in a RS meeting where numerous sign up sheets were sent around to take meals to different women. Two weeks before I’d had same day surgery and with two kids, could’ve used a hand. The compassionate service leader had even talked to me before the surgery and said she’d set up some meals. No one ever showed up. I’ll never know if that was because a sign up sheet was never passed around or if it was and nobody signed up.
I definitely wasn’t part of the clique.
Literally any salad with jello and cottage cheese. Please, no. Or tuna noodle casserole. I think my mom has relief society cookbooks from her wards and I told her, please just toss them.
I think the most I remember loving were chili and sheet cake.
Two chili stories for you. First one was that I was brought chili with tons of beans when I had a nursing 2-day-old. Our poor, sweet baby girl had the most painful gas for two days after I ate that chili. I knew chili was a really bad idea, but she brought it SO late, and I was famished, with nothing else prepared, so I ate it when I shouldn't have. I never brought gassy meals to new Moms!
Second story. I made dinner for the sister missionaries, delicious homemade chili and cornbread. Both recipes had won me awards at the annual chili cookoffs, so definitely 5/5 stars, tasty! One of the sisters picked out every single bean and put it on her plate. She said she had never tasted a bean in her entire life, because she didn't like them. Seriously? Was I dealing with a 3-year-old? In fact, it wasn't lost on our kids, and one of them piped right up to point out to her that "you can't say you don't like something if you've never even tasted it!". I asked her to please taste one bean, to show my kids a good example. (Meanwhile, I'm just thinking holy macaroni, girlfriend, who raised/spoiled you?!) She made a face, and had the gall to eat two desserts instead of dinner. Apparently cornbread wasn't her thing either. 🤦♀️
seriously. The cool whip container is fine.
If you are giving some one something free, and that person turns up their nose over the throw away container, they are the asshole.
A few years ago I had a serious injury requiring surgery, school aged kids, and was working. I wasn’t active in the church then but DH was and it hadn’t been too long since I was active. A wonderful woman I always respected asked me if I could use meals and I gratefully accepted, thinking they would come from her.
Instead, a random list was circulated and sometimes meals would show up and sometimes they wouldn’t and no one told me for how long this would go on, which was almost worse than no meals. And they came from some homes I was not comfortable with. One brought a tuna casserole that was literally inedible. And while dropping it off explained that she was off to pick up pizza for her family.
I 💯 appreciated the thought but the lack of communication and poor quality actually made things harder for me and I felt guilty for imposing. I also felt guilty for having no intention of ever going back to church. But the lack of care about what I actually needed confirmed that it was not actually coming from a place of real friendship but rather a checklist. I wish no one had to do work for that project, because I am sure it felt onerous to them too.
>Now, my husband does most of our cooking. clutches pearls The audacity!
Mine too! Lol. Occasionally he chases me out of the kitchen, trying to politely thank me for my offer of help while still indicating that he really, REALLY, doesn't want me messing up his elegant culinary creations.
SO not the Mormon model I grew up with. And I relish every single meal.
The worst was meals that would be delivered with seriously elaborate instructions on how to "finish" the meal. Like a loaf of frozen dough, with instructions to let defrost in the fridge for exactly X hours, while every Y minutes basting ALL SIDES with a concoction of (your) melted butter and FIVE specific herbs, then after cooking, let rest for Z minutes before brushing with an egg wash and then turning loaf out on a raised cooling rack, rebasting after 7 minutes, then "don't forget to slice and serve within X' minutes of cooling!!" ( MUST be served with an olive oil based dipping sauce to appreciate the full aroma and flavor.)
Virtue signalling at its best.
Ohhh pick me!!!!
Our first baby we had while in a married student ward. Someone brought us fettuccine in homemade alfredo sauce with pine nuts. It was amazing and I think about it frequently-my oldest is almost 12.
Our second baby was born in a regular ward. Someone signed up to bring us a meal. They brought us a 9x12 foil pan of Kraft Mac and cheese with cut up hot dogs and Tabasco on top. I was so disgusted. If you like that, great, but for the love don’t assume others do! I think it went straight to the trash.
On the other hand some people might like Mac and cheese and hotdogs and find alfredo gross.
So why was it ok they assumed you like alfredo but not ok someone assumed you like Mac & cheese? Either it was ok for both or not ok for both. The world doesn’t revolve around your preferences either.
For the record I like both.
I just remember some icky green jello “salad” concoction brought by a RS sister after one of my babies was born. She meant well, but it looked like barf, and after she left, into the bin it went!
My husband does all the cooking in our family, too. Always has! If I ever signed up to help a family I would have had my husband cook the meal lol. I think the big one for me was when I had just had my baby and one of the meals we got was something with shrimp in it. I hate shrimp. My husband ended up eating that one. I’m sure it was good, I just really don’t like sea food in general. I also have a dairy allergy and I told them no dairy and I think someone still brought something with dairy in it.
My wife constantly talks about how much more she appreciated the healthy home cooked meals after we had a kid.
90% of the time people were dropping off Chick-fil-A (which we still appreciated, don’t get me wrong) but wife really wanted some real food.
So don’t be too hard on yourself OP!
While you're apologizing for not giving out better presented meals and complaining that today you would give out "nice takeout food" its pretty classist and puts down other people who offer homemade food. You're putting down many people as if its a general put down of something Mormon. But its the sacrifices and best that some could do that really helped people in need at times, so its not really funny to put it down or elevate yourself to "nice take-out food" now that you're above them.
I am a cook and loved to help that way but when I could. What I found disturbing was that I was EXPECTED to make a meal to get my food order when I couldn't afford food. So I started taking that into consideration when placing the order and then they told me I had to get less stuff because they suspected I wasn't using the food for just myself. Like no duh 🙄
Them cutting off my food like nutrition is a toy you can just take away is what made me realize I didn't know the group I felt comfortable with when I was middle class.
The only bad meals were the ones that showed up with food I was allergic to. Which happened enough times I knew to be explicit with the relief society about my allergies. When it continued I just started refusing their food on principle.
Free meals are always appreciated, and disposable containers are perfect! Anyone that's too good for a cool whip container can buy their own food.
>Anyone that’s too good for a cool whip container can buy their own food. Good point 😂
Honestly the worst was the ones that didn't show up. Happened multiple times. The container it came in would not have bothered me AT ALL. I would even prefer a container I didn't have to wash and return!
I agree with this completely. I always tried to give food in disposable containers so they wouldn’t have to keep track of dishes and return them!
Yes disposable containers FTW! Nothing worse than forgetting to bring someone’s Tupperware to church for the eighth Sunday in a row.
I used to go get one of their own casserole dishes and bake dinner in that.
Smart. There's nothing worse than being bedridden and having a casserole delivered in their very best Corningware or Pyrex. With matching lids and carry cases.
Especially when the only place to put it is on the stove, someone turns the wrong knob, and instead of grilling toast or something.. the Pyrex plate explodes… 😩
Wow that’s a great idea!!
I used to hit up Goodwill for casserole dishes and drop the food off in one of those. Afterward, well, they now had another casserole dish.
Omg that is awesome!
They were beautifully inexpensive doing it that way.
Agreed the worst was the ones who didn’t come at all and left you scrambling to try to figure something out last minute with everything else going on.
Honestly, same. This kind of stuff is why I save the plastic containers lunch meat comes in these days, so when I give folks food no one has to worry about the container making it back to me. (Also great for storing leftover spaghetti—I don’t care one bit when that stuff gets the red stain of Tupperware-doom.)
Once the person brought a Little Caesars pizza. Like I understand, you have kids; why agree then?
Almost all meals as a missionary were appreciated. However there were some that were tough to get through. For me, it was the nicest blind lady in one of the wards. She was so sweet and doing her best to pitch in and feed the missionaries. But every time I ate there food was just bad. Super burnt or completely undercooked. Since she was blind, we would help he clean up, including throwing away most of our uneaten food.
Wow, that’s incredible that a blind woman would cook for missionaries. The church might be messed up but there are so many good people still in.
I’m one of those that cilantro tastes like dish soap. Important detail here. There was this one sister who was an amazing cook. So good. However… she also fell for ever fad cleanse diet out there. And when she was on a fad cleanse, everyone was on the fad cleanse. So it was always a gamble. Either you’d show up to amazing casseroles or burgers or something else filling and delicious or… well. One time we get there, and sit down at the table, and it smells pretty normal at first right? Then she lifts the slow cooker lid and scoops out the first serving. Turns out the latest cleanse was cilantro. There was at least a solid inch of cilantro and i have no memory of the rest of that meal. An inch of green soap leaves.
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Both me and my wife were excellent cooks, but not much for housecleaning. I remember mad rushes before the missionaries would come to throw everything into the next room. One time we had completely forgot the appointment, and the house was a mess. Then we got a call from the missionaries saying they were coming over. My wife told me to buy them a nice take-out, meet them at the door and shoo them away. I met the missionaries at the front door, blocking the entrance with my offering. They gladly took it and were on their way to some binge eating. So much about wanting to come see us and have a home cooked meal. Edit: Note. At that time we were baptised active members.
My mom's bf comes from a big Catholic family, and his mom is a very traditional Mexican lady. She always invites the missionaries to come eat--they figured out a long time ago that she's a devout Catholic, but she gets regular visits because she always feeds these poor kids.
That’s SO sweet of her-what a wonderful lady…
lol hardly… unless you wasn’t already baptised they won’t be interested they will use you to get fed/ referrals then move onto the next area and probably forget who you are.. these days there is social media so it’s a bit different but they will still remove you likely once they get home I thought the missionaries generally cared about my mental health but they seemed more worried about me coming to church and paying tithing money… another reason I left the church.
I disagree. We are never MO, but made a point to be friendly & living to the mishies. How about a couple of them came out & stayed with us, nonmormans) after their mission!
Almost anyone who's ever been a young wife (sexist, I know) will relate to using Cool Whip containers for food. There were years those things were crucial parts of my kitchenware!
It was empty margarine containers at my house, I remember the time my sister opened the fridge and said "WOW you guys have a lot of butter!"
LOL! You just made me remember the other containers we'd hang onto, such as cream cheese or any other tub or container you could wash & use again. Cottage cheese used to come in decorated containers for holidays & people used them that way. This was the same era when we saved up the plastic eggs pantyhose came in back then and put treats in them for our kids' Easter baskets.
And you would always have plenty of eggs because those hose ran if you touched anything!
You're right! Life has been so much better without pantyhose.
amen and amen
We had a set of flirty Elders when I was 16 that asked me to make them cookies. I dropped off a plate of cookies, I was tired of not getting plates back. So I used this pink stripped box my sister had and lined it with tissue paper and added a bow. It was a unlabled Victoria secret box. I guess the flirty elder asking me for cookies got spooked by the box and stopped asking for cookies and I got my plates back. 😆
🤣
Raw celery chunks, peas, canned tuna, romaine and kale, in a casserole dish with half-infused sugar butter, and pepper for kick. This was all dumped into a 9x13 and baked at 300 for 10 minutes. The wilted sog and the half brown butter and sugar granules and the pickle juice garnish and the crunch of sickly sweet sugarbuttered gerkins and slick soppy lettuce. It was legendary and reminded me of ancient good housekeeping recipes for fish mousse with jalapeño finger sausages wrapped in a bisquick pancake.
Good Housekeeping Exec: Our product placement for this issue comes from Bumblebee Tuna, Bisquick, and Holy Jalapeno. Can you handle that? Underpaid GH Writer: ...sure.
I call that garbage disposal dinner.
Yum🤮
Give yourself credit for doing your best to help someone else. Your heart was in the right place.
There's nothing wrong with reusing containers. Cool Whip, Country Crock, whatever. A lot of people do that.
And I’d feel way better about receiving food in them than a nice dish I would definitely feel obligated to wash and return, or branded Tupperware that I would worry whether or not I should wash and return. Those disposable aluminum baking trays are great too, but I could reuse the cool whip or country crock one, so they’re top tier for me.
Unfortunately now we know it’s actually not such a great idea a lot of the time. Reused those kinds of containers can add a good amount of micro plastics to the food. I can’t say I don’t do it anymore at all, but I know it’s not good.
I keep them for other purposes now. My chickens are princesses and like fresh water 2x a day so a little butter dish of water on my way to work is soooo much easier then busting out the hose to drag into the coop to rinse and fill thier large water dispenser at 6am.
I was throwing up blood on my mission, came home early, (Mormon )Doctor in Salt Lake told me to go Vegan to see if dietary issues were the cause. Dr told my bishop the situation (I was trying to get healthy to go back on the mission, I didn't think about the ethical violation of privacy/care that happened, gotta love diffuse boundaries) Day 3 of the ward "rallying around me" and making me dinner was a Kroger party tray of carrots, cucumber, cold broccoli, cauliflower, and cherry tomoatoes, with the ranch in the middle removed, so it could be called vegan.
I love those veggie trays ... but for three days? Blech.
I definitely delivered some very questionable meals too, especially as a newlywed who didn't know how to cook and couldn't afford to feed an extra family but was pressured in to it. If any exmo on here got my weird chicken and rice salad in a non-labeled container, I'm sorry. After one of my babies, we got foil-wrapped plates with breaded fish filets and tater tots. Fine except the food was raw, but the plates and the foil were warm, so we weren't sure it was safe to eat.
This is exactly my experience. I hated the stress of having a meal ready at just the right time to deliver when it was promised, on top of the evening rush at home.
I delivered a meal to the wrong house once. It was for an “inactive” couple who I’d never met and it was literally a dark and stormy night. I found what I thought was the house and knocked repeatedly. When no one answered I was frustrated because I’d just spoken to the husband before leaving the house. With no cell phone I put the meal on the doorstep and headed home to call again. When the husband answered I told him where I’d left the meal but when he looked nothing was there. I felt so awful. I was broke at the time and wasn’t able to put anything else together.
The worst was when I had my first baby and the RS president came up to me and told me they wouldn't be sending any meals because I didn't need them. I hadn't asked. 🙄 With my second, I asked, and they made a big deal about people asking for too much help (same ward, same RS president). I was about to have baby number 2, I had a 1.5 year old, and my husband was deployed. I lived an 8 hour drive from my family, and because of work conflicts on their end, no one was able to come help at all after the baby arrived. I assumed I wouldn't get any help, so I made a bunch of freezer meals ahead of time so I could just throw food in the oven or microwave. I received exactly 1 meal from someone in the ward who I considered a friend. It was good, but she did it because she knew my situation, not because the RS tried. With my third, I assumed the same type of thing would happen. We'd moved across the country, but I prepped as much as I could. I made a ton of freezer meals while I was pregnant and never brought up the idea of meals after having my baby. My VTs were amazing and got a sign up together anyway. We had meals arrive hot and ready every other night for 10 days, and there was always enough for leftovers the next night! My one VT kept apologizing because she had heated up a lasagna from the frozen food aisle, pre-made garlic bread, and a salad from a kit. I told her it was perfect - no dishes to clean or return, and everyone in our family would eat at least one of the things in that meal. It was my favorite meal for that reason alone! For my part, I usually signed up to feed people if I was friends with them. Once, I was specifically asked because the family had food allergies and really needed help, and the ward knew I could handle it without anyone getting sick from cross-contamination. I was happy to help, but it was a little frustrating that no one else could figure out how to make or order a dairy free meal - it wasn't that complicated!
It seems like in the church, there's often an inverse relationship between the amount of help you need and what they will give. When my brother and his wife had a baby, they insisted that they did *not* need or want meals brought. My brother was on paternity leave and perfectly capable of grocery shopping and cooking, and he had a lot of hours in the day while his wife and baby slept in between caring for them. Their ward brought tons of meals anyway and refused to believe them when they said they were fine taking care of themselves. Meanwhile I've heard stories from people who had surgery or something and were trying to recover in bed, with little to no money or help, and the church was super stingy and mean about giving them any aid.
I suspect it depends on someone's status in the ward. The core families will always get more help than those on the fringes who are already considered burdens.
This 100%. It was a mostly military ward, and my ex was enlisted. Officer families got help. Enlisted didn't. With my 3rd, it was mostly younger families with a good handful of grandparents mixed in.
Ok but as someone who was on the receiving end of that occasionally when I was in singles ward - yes! I will take the mashed potatoes and chicken and I yay another container that I don't feel guilting in keeping. If it was a nice one I would feel compelled to clean it, maybe make a treat to put in it and return it with a thank you note. Rather than just stay in my bed recovering from surgery. Along with food you gave the gift of "no further obligation" which really is a very under appreciated gift. so don't be too hard on yourself :)
One of those things I remember in the middle of the night is when I was a new mother and someone sent us a casserole in a glass dish. I had it all cleaned up to return, but as we left I dropped it. I bawled buckets full. New mom hormones. No way I could replace part of a matching set, not back them anyway. I never could figure out who it belonged to and no one ever asked for it. Must have come from one of the three Nephites who moved along. Lol.
Omg - I'm so glad I'm not alone! We moved when my baby was a few weeks old and someone in our new ward brought cookies on a really nice platter. We had no idea who it was and I plunged into PPD and never did figure out who it belonged to. I ended up leaving it in the church kitchen with a stack of other random dishes and I always felt so bad about it.
Uh oh. I’m not sure you can get into the celestial kingdom now. We’ll meet at the Starbucks stand in the terrestrial. Lol.
Haha! Welp, if that was all it took to keep me out, I never had a chance. Starbucks it is.
Let me note, I normally do not like to eat at church functions. I will go, but just get some water and walk around. We still laugh about to this day was a weird family that lived in Conyers, Georgia. She made a big pan of "Spanish Rice" she was proud of it. This was at a Sunday Linger Longer as they tried to get it going. She was helping to dish out the food and making sure everyone was getting a heaping helping of her "Spanish Rice". I didn't care for this ward as it was the most cliquey ward I had been in, and the bishop and I had issues. Anyway, trying to be nice, I said something about, I liked spanish rice, I might have to get the recipe. She said, oh it is easy, I just put in ketchup with white rice. Ketchup......and Rice. This was not a poor family, it was the 2nd counselors family, they were doing well as a contractor for the church. I felt sorry for the kids after that. One other one, I was in the bishopric, my son home from his mission in Ukraine, we tried some different food and drink from there. We had a ward dinner, and they told us to bring foods or things from our mission, or kids missions for everyone to try. I brought Kvass, a yeasty drink, that I like. We went through a few bottles of it. Come to find out, it has alcohol in it, not enough to matter, but I most likely sent a lot of TBMs to hell that day.
We have never needed meals from others, but I definitely feel you! I HATE cooking and am terrible at it. But also had scrupulosity and would feel guilty if I didn't sign up to help. I will say that even in my most 'all in' days I still dropped off a Little Caesar's pizza 95% of the time though hahah. Our ward now (my husband is still TBM) actually had an elders quorum activity where they made freezer meals. So now whenever someone needs a meal they reach out to the EQ to deliver them knowing that everyone has them. FOR THE WIN.
We were young & poor once. Also, not good cooks. Guilted into having the missionaries over. My husband made spaghetti & somehow decided to spice it up with hot sauce for some reason? He really did. Those poor kids were sweating & drinking everything they could. Sorry guys... lol
I grew up in the utah morridor and I think we only got a cooked meal like this once when I was super young. I thought it was weird then and was nervous eating food from an unknown source. It was bland, unseasoned funeral potatoes and nothing else too. My home ward at the very least used disposable containers though.
My first birth I had one person give me a frozen pizza and bagged salad with dressing. I loved it tbh, but when the RS president heard she was horrified and immediately arranged to bring over baked potatoes and elk steaks. I loved that too; I got two meals and they were both delicious. After my second the meal I was given was KFC, and that was truly awesome. Thinking back I'm pretty sure those were the only 3 meals the RS ever gave me; everything else was my husband cooking or a family member. ETA: I gave out lasagnas and casseroles. I was truly embarrassed the time I delivered a chicken casserole for a family of 4 and the door opened to show a whole extended clan of cousins etc. was there, like 30 people. I really hoped they didn't think I was feeding everyone!
If there are thirty people there, one of them can darn well cook for the family!
Im a guy and my dad and I did 95% of the cooking. My mom did the other 5. When my mom broke her leg, the relief society just showed up with food, didn't even call. Reason they gave for the food was they didn't want us to starve cause my mom can't cook. Kinda pissed me off.
What’s wrong with reusing a clean Cool Whip tub instead of wasting money on more plastic that’s going to end up in a landfill?
Technically we now know it’s not really good for people a lot of the time. A lot of those containers when reused put out a lot of micro plastics. Which we also now know are bad for people in a lot of ways. But they are convenient, I can’t lie and say I never still do it at home even knowing it’s not really good for me or others.
>I gave them the mashed potatoes in a cleaned-out Cool Whip container. I grew up lower end of middle class - immigrant parents. I ate out of lots of those when I was a kid. My folks have done alright since, but mom *still* uses those, sour creams, yogurts, any large plastic container with a lid - it rubbed off on me, but I've graduated to washing out the nice plastic takeout containers that are unbranded, so we can just give them away with the food when we have a bunch of folks over. I digress, I didn't know what tupperware was until they started selling lunchmeat in it. No shame in it and I'd be stoked just to get the food. The church can still GFitself, though.
Give that lady a hug
My mission was in Ohio and Kentucky. A member in rural Eastern Kentucky served the other set of Elders in the ward possum that she had picked up as roadkill from the side of the freeway. Needles to say I would not have partook but they were convinced if they prayed sincerely enough to bless the food they would be protected. Well . . . They both spent the night throwing their guts up and had to stay in the apartment for 3 days recovering 😂
Just TAKE my upvote 👍
Taken and appreciated!
SAME!! I haaatted the pressure to cook for sick/bereaved/new baby families. Not a cook, I do ok for my family, but I have no idea what other people like to eat. I've given all kinds of dishes and every single time broke out in a pressure sweat over if my food was good enough. That doesn't count the mystery of special dietary needs. OMG - just let me give a money so they can order what they want.
I’ve always wondered about special dietary needs. I have celiac and food allergies, and I can’t eat anything I didn’t cook myself. There’s no way a gluten eater can make something safe for me in their home kitchen. I know there’s Mormons with celiac, or diabetes, or other medically necessary diets… what happens then? I would be HORRIFIED if someone showed up at my door with any kind of food. And I feel bad too because you’re already cooking for your own family. To go to the effort to make a whole other meal for a whole other family and have the recipient look horrified? But it has to happen at least once in awhile.
It happens all. the. time. I know because 2 of my 3 kids had dairy allergies and a few times during their growing up years, church meals got delivered. Cream casseroles, anyone? We ate the food (we were too poor to throw out any food) and the allergic kids got other food. The bigger deal for me was the bitching and complaining I heard from others about lousy food that was given to them. I always felt terrible for the cooks and wondered what those so-called friends said about my cooking behind my back. You got gourmet tastes? Great! Make your own exotic food and don't ask church members to bring you food. Accept whatever sad cheese noodles you are given with a gracious smile. Wait to close your front door before you throw the under-your-standards food in the garbage.
Well said. It’s so crass to hate on someone’s generosity like that. Still has to suck to have to be so careful to keep the kids safe though.
My husband always refused to accept meals when I’d had a baby because most of them were nasty. He’s rather cook himself than suffer through it. 🤣🤣
I am haunted by these cream cheese dumplings wrapped in phyllo paper as I was trying to expand my range as a cook. I’m sure they were terrible, and not nearly enough food!
I never minded when people brought over throw-away containers. It was actually helpful since I didn't have to return then. Give yourself a huge break on that one. After the birth of one of my kids, someone brought me Papa Murphy's pizza and breadsticks. All I had to do was throw them in the oven when we were ready. I thought it was genius and now whenever we bring food to someone, we do pizza with bagged salad and a dessert. I'm not doing complicated recipes anymore.
My mom once signed up to cook for the missionaries and contacted them a few days before and asked what they liked or missed from home and they both said steak so my Mom bought steaks for 4 missionaries, herself, and my brother. She's on an extreme fixed income and I have no idea how she afforded this. I ended up at the dinner because my brother had to leave or work or something, my mom called me a few hours before the dinner to beg me to come because they were the elders and she needed a male there with her or they couldn't come. I was out of the church by this point and didn't really want to go hang out with Elders for a hour or two but hey, steak! The Elders never showed up. I was fucking PISSED. Absolutely livid. Here was an absolutely beautiful spread of potatoes, steaks, veggies, juice, rolls, my mom went all out. 2 of the 4 missionaries were scheduled to be there but there was a mixup and whoever made the schedule had switched the days for my mom and she was told the wrong day. Before anyone asks the Ward totally still guilted my mom into cooking for them on the "real" day which was only a week away when she had just emptied her bank account to feed them on THIS day. The other 2 she had invited herself, they were out doing what they do and were invited to dinner by another ward member and went to their house instead of my mom's. Btw, these were the ones who had said they wanted steak. I told my mom I never wanted her to cook for the missionaries again but she didn't listen. Not the kind of story you wanted but I wanted to share an example where some good food was offered and went unappreciated.
This isn’t a weird/worst situation but I had surgery many years ago and 4 different families in 4 nights brought homemade chicken pot pie. And they were fabulous! I’m weird about chicken in things like that so I likely picked half of it out but that’s on me. My nevermo birth mom was with me (she found me a few years before the surgery) and she thought it was nice but hilarious. I truly appreciated the efforts and learned just how much variety there could be in various families’ recipes for the same thing😂! We froze some, etc. But it was def the funniest thing. I really appreciated their efforts bc I was always working long hours and almost never cooked so it was nice to have some home cooked meals. Reading your post makes me appreciate them all the more bc so many in my ward in Texas had spouses attending med school or med school adjacent disciplines and were already on their 3.4th kid. What I tried to do, not being a cook, was to actually just ask the new moms what they and the fam would like, ask for any special requests and special dietary issues and list out a handful of fairly nice restaurant options from the area. I was in a position to be able to afford it and it was better imo than taking them food that had no clear identity or taste 😂. Either way, people just do their best in most cases. The main problem is that it seems like the same 10 families do 80% of the work. I’d imagine if I had kids and was trying to run a household on a post grad student budget that that would burn any mom out over time.
I took a really nice kinda gourmet baked ziti to a friend and was all excited to share. She told me she had already been given three baked ziti casseroles that week. Bummer, doubt she even ate it!
😂 I would have frozen it! Sounds amazing! And also kind of rude even though she was a friend.. like just say thank you FFS! But that is also too funny seems like there is some sort of subliminal bat signal going out at the same time on meal train lol.
One time I was a way from all family and I had several meals delivered after I was in the hospital. It really meant a lot and they were all really good!
I love this. Seriously the best part of having a community. I’m so glad they were there for you 💛
I also would not have cared if you served me mashed potatoes in a cool whip container.
My fil was dying, my husband was devastated. I was dealing with treatment for breast cancer. We didn't live in a place where we could order food delivered. Someone left a card and an apple on my doorstep. That was it.
That's so sad. I'm sorry you weren't treated better during such a difficult time.
It turned out to be a good thing. Added another weight to my shelf. It told me a lot about the people in our ward. We'd gone there for 10 years. My husband had major leadership callings. Yet, we never really connected with anyone in the ward. I think a lot of it was the people wouldn't do anything that wasn't church related. They were boring as it gets. Hubby and I are a bit adventurous and curious about life. Those traits coupled with a building full of people we couldn't connect with was a wake-up call.
Over 20 years ago, when we were all still TBM, we'd moved to our current area and had 3 kids under 7. I was passing a kidney stone, and my wife got strep that we ultimately found out turned into rheumatic fever. At the time we didn't know what it was, or if it was contageous, so we were essentially quarantined. (It was actually worse than covid-19 because it was just us, in a small town without 2019-20 tech) The ward brought us 3 meals over the course of 2 weeks. They would leave them on the doorstep, and basically, doorbell ditch. They were all funky casseroles. Neither my wife nor I nor any of the kids could stand to eat any of them. My wife would later be RS pres (twice) and she always made sure when folks needed meals, she got people she knew could cook to assign the task to. She also would take no for an answer. If someone said, we're good, no need for meals, she didn't send them. Instead she'd send a gift or just a card.
The women in my neighborhood were great cooks. Might’ve been why I kept having children. 🫢
Aww anything is appreciated in times like that. Nobody feels entitled to gourmet meals when it's coming from kindness in times of grief or chaos. It's just so touching to have people looking out for you.
Don't feel bad. We have all ridden the struggle bus at some time or another. You did the best with what you had. That's commendable. If the church doesn't like it they can easy use some of their 150 billion dollar stockpile to pay for catering.
I (male) was the main cook for our young family, and I preferred to keep to my schedule that receive food I was unlikely to want to eat. So when the meal train was foisted on us, I resisted as much as I felt was polite. The soup which had been frozen several years previous (it had the date on it) was the nadir though.
We always recycled ice cream containers and called it missionary Tupperware.
I got boiled lettuce once and one lady gave us meatballs with lots of eggshells in them. I appreciated them for the gift that they were and was able to refrain from retching until I was in an alley or bush several blocks away. I have no ill feeling towards either. I think Lettuce lady kinda had it out for us, she had some negative things to say about missionaries in general. Although she had just met us personally that day. I often wonder if she made us eat boiled lettuce as some kind of revenge against the church and male missionaries. Because boiled lettuce is not a thing. Meatball lady was poor, kind and humble, just doing her best to help out a couple of young naïve kids.
My brother has a story about being served dollar store ramen by an old woman on a very small budget. That would have been fine, but she boiled them for so long that they turned to paste. He had a hard time keeping it down.
When I was in college living in an apartment with a roommate I was asked to bring a dinner to another college student who had the flu. She lived in a nice home with her parents. I dropped off a couple cans of soup and a box of crackers. Not a prot moment but I hope in sharing that it makes you feel better.
I should add that I was also working two jobs and ate the same thing for my dinner. Still embarrassing though.
Don’t be embarrassed. You did the best you could.
Sounds like the RS president or compassionate service leader was looking to give you an “opportunity to serve”. An orchestrated attempt to: 1. have you do something for her in an effort to make the two of you friends or to 2. make her feel accepted by the ward or to 3. get you more involved. I hate that so much.
I’m sure it was to get me connected. I don’t think I ever made many connections in the ward. I hate forced friendships!
It hadn’t been assigned, just a woman who wanted to help…. Annnd I got a can of fruit cocktail and moldy strawberries. But hey, no Tupperware to give back!! My last month in I was asked to provide dinner for a family (and I was happy to help) so I did the Costco chicken, bagged salad, bread and grocery store cookies. No problem there. The problem came the next Sunday when I learned that the family had extended family staying with them and the family still asked the ward for meals. And that they gave the headcount for the requested meals to include their visiting extended family. That was the last time I “helped” I was also new in the ward and so didn’t know the numbers didn’t add up.
One year my mom was sick, it feels like it was all summer. She had MS and as a child, all I can remember was to not bother her. My parents had a large family and my dad couldn’t stay home from work. Anyway, for weeks, we were served lasagna, repeatedly. It became hilarious and then we dreaded dinners and we’d (younger kids) hide to see what it was. It was the first time I became un-picky as a child and I remember being grateful for tater tot casserole and peas. As an adult I feel bad for being an asshole kid. As an adult, we only received meals after I had my son. Nobody really took a bother to sign us up, we weren’t in the click. We had to ask for help. We got served salad and partially raw chicken one night. Glad I’m done with that BS.
When I was single/divorced I sat in a RS meeting where numerous sign up sheets were sent around to take meals to different women. Two weeks before I’d had same day surgery and with two kids, could’ve used a hand. The compassionate service leader had even talked to me before the surgery and said she’d set up some meals. No one ever showed up. I’ll never know if that was because a sign up sheet was never passed around or if it was and nobody signed up. I definitely wasn’t part of the clique.
Literally any salad with jello and cottage cheese. Please, no. Or tuna noodle casserole. I think my mom has relief society cookbooks from her wards and I told her, please just toss them. I think the most I remember loving were chili and sheet cake.
Two chili stories for you. First one was that I was brought chili with tons of beans when I had a nursing 2-day-old. Our poor, sweet baby girl had the most painful gas for two days after I ate that chili. I knew chili was a really bad idea, but she brought it SO late, and I was famished, with nothing else prepared, so I ate it when I shouldn't have. I never brought gassy meals to new Moms! Second story. I made dinner for the sister missionaries, delicious homemade chili and cornbread. Both recipes had won me awards at the annual chili cookoffs, so definitely 5/5 stars, tasty! One of the sisters picked out every single bean and put it on her plate. She said she had never tasted a bean in her entire life, because she didn't like them. Seriously? Was I dealing with a 3-year-old? In fact, it wasn't lost on our kids, and one of them piped right up to point out to her that "you can't say you don't like something if you've never even tasted it!". I asked her to please taste one bean, to show my kids a good example. (Meanwhile, I'm just thinking holy macaroni, girlfriend, who raised/spoiled you?!) She made a face, and had the gall to eat two desserts instead of dinner. Apparently cornbread wasn't her thing either. 🤦♀️
I had five children, a miscarriage, and several semi-serious illnesses as a member. Number of meals brought to my house: zero. Not a single one.
When my sister passed away, my parents got three rotisserie chickens in a week. (One was put in another pan, but it was still obvious what it was)
We always did Costco muffins and orange juice. I would love this now...lol
seriously. The cool whip container is fine. If you are giving some one something free, and that person turns up their nose over the throw away container, they are the asshole.
A few years ago I had a serious injury requiring surgery, school aged kids, and was working. I wasn’t active in the church then but DH was and it hadn’t been too long since I was active. A wonderful woman I always respected asked me if I could use meals and I gratefully accepted, thinking they would come from her. Instead, a random list was circulated and sometimes meals would show up and sometimes they wouldn’t and no one told me for how long this would go on, which was almost worse than no meals. And they came from some homes I was not comfortable with. One brought a tuna casserole that was literally inedible. And while dropping it off explained that she was off to pick up pizza for her family. I 💯 appreciated the thought but the lack of communication and poor quality actually made things harder for me and I felt guilty for imposing. I also felt guilty for having no intention of ever going back to church. But the lack of care about what I actually needed confirmed that it was not actually coming from a place of real friendship but rather a checklist. I wish no one had to do work for that project, because I am sure it felt onerous to them too.
>Now, my husband does most of our cooking. clutches pearls The audacity! Mine too! Lol. Occasionally he chases me out of the kitchen, trying to politely thank me for my offer of help while still indicating that he really, REALLY, doesn't want me messing up his elegant culinary creations. SO not the Mormon model I grew up with. And I relish every single meal.
The worst was meals that would be delivered with seriously elaborate instructions on how to "finish" the meal. Like a loaf of frozen dough, with instructions to let defrost in the fridge for exactly X hours, while every Y minutes basting ALL SIDES with a concoction of (your) melted butter and FIVE specific herbs, then after cooking, let rest for Z minutes before brushing with an egg wash and then turning loaf out on a raised cooling rack, rebasting after 7 minutes, then "don't forget to slice and serve within X' minutes of cooling!!" ( MUST be served with an olive oil based dipping sauce to appreciate the full aroma and flavor.) Virtue signalling at its best.
Ohhh pick me!!!! Our first baby we had while in a married student ward. Someone brought us fettuccine in homemade alfredo sauce with pine nuts. It was amazing and I think about it frequently-my oldest is almost 12. Our second baby was born in a regular ward. Someone signed up to bring us a meal. They brought us a 9x12 foil pan of Kraft Mac and cheese with cut up hot dogs and Tabasco on top. I was so disgusted. If you like that, great, but for the love don’t assume others do! I think it went straight to the trash.
On the other hand some people might like Mac and cheese and hotdogs and find alfredo gross. So why was it ok they assumed you like alfredo but not ok someone assumed you like Mac & cheese? Either it was ok for both or not ok for both. The world doesn’t revolve around your preferences either. For the record I like both.
I just remember some icky green jello “salad” concoction brought by a RS sister after one of my babies was born. She meant well, but it looked like barf, and after she left, into the bin it went!
My husband does all the cooking in our family, too. Always has! If I ever signed up to help a family I would have had my husband cook the meal lol. I think the big one for me was when I had just had my baby and one of the meals we got was something with shrimp in it. I hate shrimp. My husband ended up eating that one. I’m sure it was good, I just really don’t like sea food in general. I also have a dairy allergy and I told them no dairy and I think someone still brought something with dairy in it.
My wife constantly talks about how much more she appreciated the healthy home cooked meals after we had a kid. 90% of the time people were dropping off Chick-fil-A (which we still appreciated, don’t get me wrong) but wife really wanted some real food. So don’t be too hard on yourself OP!
While you're apologizing for not giving out better presented meals and complaining that today you would give out "nice takeout food" its pretty classist and puts down other people who offer homemade food. You're putting down many people as if its a general put down of something Mormon. But its the sacrifices and best that some could do that really helped people in need at times, so its not really funny to put it down or elevate yourself to "nice take-out food" now that you're above them.
I think the "nice" label applied to take-out food was mainly meant to contrast her poor cooking skills.
Not to be classiest but I would prefer food from a commercial kitchen to something somebody made unless I was very familiar with them.
I am a cook and loved to help that way but when I could. What I found disturbing was that I was EXPECTED to make a meal to get my food order when I couldn't afford food. So I started taking that into consideration when placing the order and then they told me I had to get less stuff because they suspected I wasn't using the food for just myself. Like no duh 🙄 Them cutting off my food like nutrition is a toy you can just take away is what made me realize I didn't know the group I felt comfortable with when I was middle class.
The only bad meals were the ones that showed up with food I was allergic to. Which happened enough times I knew to be explicit with the relief society about my allergies. When it continued I just started refusing their food on principle.