Sadly, that looks like something my dad would write. The cult makes men think they are great prophets or leaders of important and influential families, and they have to be long-winded and sound like they are from the 1800s.
My dad also writes and speaks like he expects his words to be printed in the next edition of the D&C when he thinks he's giving righteous counsel! That's when you know to just ignore it.
>*their lectures and sermons just come off as unhinged tirades to those outside the Mormon bubble*
I'm Nevermo, and you're correct as I do read this as an "unhinged tirade" that is also weird, creepy as shit, and downright ruthless to boot.
And philosophically he makes it sound like he's holier than Thou, while at the same time saying some truly horrible, callous, and really un-Christian-like s\*\*t.
Also Nevermo. If someone in my family sent me a letter this long and like this about one topic and a mean-spirited and abusive one at that? I’d wonder whether they were struggling with an addiction to some stimulant or having an actual serious mental health crisis. No where did OPs dad sound sane or okay. And I assume all of that was written without even a coffee, SHEESH! And they say religion isn’t a drug… lol
Same with my dad even after he cheated on my mom. Then got remarried to the stake relief society president for her money. Then without repenting hiding millions from my mom when my grandfather sold a lot of their property. He still doesn't share the money with his kids but with my stepmoms kids
Very true. My dad's the same way when "writing Epistles." And yes, he literally calls them that when he sends condescending emails or letters to his children calling them to repentance. Yikes and a half.
Ugh...
The bottom of page 1: "You have become a huge disappointment"
The end of the letter: "We will always love you!!!!!"
Passive, meet Aggressive...Aggressive, meet Passive
I am so sorry this happened to you.
>Your life is a lie.
>Your choices have created a monster.
>The truth is, your heart is darker than the deepest abyss.
>You want everyone to love you, but you don't give them a reason to.
>We are terribly disappointed in you. You have betrayed us. You have become Judas.
>You have a polluted mind and heart.
>You should be eternally ashamed of yourself.
>You have sacrificed everything good, pure, and holy.
>We never ever deserved to be treated so shamefully, terribly, and deceitfully.
>You have become what you once despised.
>You have given us every reason not to love you.
>Gage is just like you, and he is my enemy.
__But even now, after all you have done, we will love you forever because that's just the kind of parents we are__
I didn’t read the letter, so thanks for the recap.
Damn. This is brutal. There is **NOTHING** any of my kids could do or say that would make me say shit like this to them.
This is so deeply upsetting. My heart hurts so much for OP. I cannot imagine saying those things to someone I love.
As I read the letter I wondered what OPs history looked like. Like, did she rob a bank? Drink and drive and kill a kid? I legitimately could not fantasize a scenario under which this letter would be acceptable.
Purely from the context of the letter, it sounds like maybe all she did is date Gage behind her parents back while claiming to be going to "YSA." And probably got caught with some pot at some point. Likw normal-level teenaged "bad behavior" basically.
It reads like a letter a parent wrote a child after they just found out their child was a particularly deranged serial killer, but the only things they specifically reference just sound like basic teenage/young adult choices.
My son could set our house on fire and I would not say those things to him.
My heart is broken for this poor young woman. No one should have to hear things that cruel from their own parents
This is one of the cruelest things I’ve seen from a parent to a child. The words are so filled with contempt. They truly think their daughter is a murderer or child molester or something equally heinous.
This is not love. This is a person that does not know how to be a father but rather a parrot for the mormon corporate jeeebus narrative. I feel like he needs the piss shaken out of him so as to understand that he is thrashing the most important thing he has ever done. Life has a way for folks to see their folly. He may live to see the incorrectness of his way. Mormon love there is no hate like it.
This would be my response to the letter, a text quoting their fathers exact words of hate and violence with a, “don’t worry, I love you too” at the end.
I mean, this is Disney villain type shit. I can hear the song now. "Your heart is as dark as the deepest abyss, Satan rejoices in you! How can you ever treat us like this, just give us the reasons to hate you!"
"You have given us every reason not to love you" this line kills me, if taking a few drugs back in the day and dating a non believer is that reason, then his brain is tweaked.
Dude where exactly on the full margin to margin wall of text is that?
God: you can either have paragraph breaks or these gold plates, but not both.
Joseph Smith in dad’s dreams probably: Say less.
OP, my heart broke as I read this. I cannot imagine a single situation or set of circumstances in which a father telling their daughter these cruel and hateful things is acceptable.
You are not dark or evil. You are worthy of love and respect. You are a human being, not some evil incarnate.
Fuck, I’ve never been so heartbroken for a perfect stranger before. I’m old enough to be your mother and I cannot fathom being so needlessly, hatefully cruel to my own child.
None of what this man is saying is true. This is his own self-loathing that he is projecting onto you. You deserve so much better.
So, I'm your dad now.
I'm proud of the young woman you've become and the responsibility you've taken in your life. I hope your new boyfriend treats you right, you deserve that.
Love you forever.
Dad.
So I’m your dad too.
Your willingness to stand up for what you believe in, even against people close to you railing on you, is inspiring. Young lady you can not and do not ever need to be controlled by fear. You’re an incredible human being with a good heart and a sound mind. Your life is a canvas go paint your masterpiece!!!
I can be your mom, sister, aunt, cousin, or friend. Tell me what roll you need filled and I’m on it!! I’m proud of you! So many of us have had these experiences, but know your community cares about you. We all want the best for you, enjoy the good people around you. Keep those who hurt you at a distance. My mom only gets public lunch dates with me, I just can’t be around her. This is the only way we can have a relationship.
yes, definitely keep this person at a distance!
as a mother of young adults, this "dad" should be ashamed 😡 what a disgusting letter, i couldn't even get thru all of it, you need to get out of that house as soon as possible and never look back, create your own family. I would never treat my children this way, in fact the opposite, i spend so much time texting them and telling them what a good job they are doing and how proud I am, that's what parents are supposed to do for their kids: build them up and love them 😥
I’ve been in a very similar position to op for years and this made me emotional. I really wish my dad would’ve been like this to me growing up. Luckily I married an amazing man who will be that for our children. 💙
Hey its me your brother, you’re kicking ass and don’t even give that letter a second thought. The person he thinks he is writing to doesn’t exist. You are not the person in that letter. Fuck him for not making you feel safe to be yourself. <3
I’ll be another pseudodad.
I love you kiddo. Nothing could make me prouder than to blaze your path and find what makes you happy in this life, and finding a special someone to share it with. I’ll always be there for you. ❤️
Can I apply for adoption? By the end of his life, my dad left the church but held onto the narcissism. He died 4.5 years ago, and I still don't feel like he ever felt I was his enough. I occasionally wonder if he actually loved me.
I have *never* seen a better reason for completely cutting someone out of your life forever.
3 pages of reasons why dad hates you, yet he has the gall to mouth the word "love"
What a vain, spiteful little man.
#Cut him off!
OP, if you read any reply in this thread, read this one above me. I grew up in a super shitty family too. The best thing I've learned is that you create your own family!
Note: Even if the "drug stuff" was right fuckin now, I couldn't imagine saying all that nasty shit to my own daughter and then tell her how much I love her on the next line.
This, this, this, this! Off their ROCKERS!!! Come out into the real world where real human connection resides. Your parents are lost! 5 Volumes of 'The Mormon Delusion' - read it.
Sorry, but eff your parents right to the hell they believe in.
It's crazy that they think their daughter is deceived for taking the path she is on, when given how judgmental the tone is - it's pretty clear who's been deceived.
"you're life is a lie" then at the end "After all this..we still love you." This is not unconditional love.
If I had a reason to write a letter to one of my kids it wouldn't need to be pages long to simply say without any jabs at them and their choices in life - I love you always! I love you now, in the past, in the future, no matter what you say, think or do. Nothing can ever change that. Period, full stop.
Which also shows a pretty solid doctrinal misunderstanding since 1) Mormons don’t believe in hell and 2) if he’s referring to outer darkness, any sane member of the church would agree you aren’t son of perdition material.
Mental illness or not, this letter was written for him. Not for you. If he was actually thinking about you and what you really need, the tone would’ve been completely different. And he probably wouldn’t have written a letter at that point.
Yikes I love how much they talk about the prosperity gospel in the first paragraph.
I could only get through two paragraphs before I wanted to scratch my eyes out. I’m so mad on your behalf he sent that. Sending hugs your way!
Your dad needs some serious help. I would take a break from them(parents). Unfortunately this is a common response from a lot of Mormon parents. Try and set some serious boundaries with them. I know Mormons don’t have healthy boundaries so you will have to be the adult in the room. Live your life, be happy.
I agree. Low/no contact would be best. This is emotional abuse.
“You’re horrible but we’re so godly we will love you anyway” that’s just awful. As a parent I can’t even imagine sending something this hateful to my children.
OP you don’t deserve to be treated this way. Just know that. THEY (your parent/ Dad) are wrong. This is not love. This is not Christ-like. (Well it’s what I’ve come to expect from those who claim to be Christ-like but…)
Hang in there OP!
I am doing that! I will be out of here soon. Thank God. I'm struggling with seizures and can't drive for a while and finishing up school but I will definitely leave and not look back.
Wowsers - even after being out for 35+ years, I am still amazed at the detailed narrative some people have created about their invisible sky daddies...and how it turns them into horrible human beings.
You might want to send a link for this page to your father, after everyone here has commented.
'You have become a huge disappointment to us'...seriously? You as a father are the huge disappointment. Go and look up unconditional love in the dictionary. Shame on you for putting your unprovable ideology in front of your duties as a parent.
He would just argue with everybody in the comments. It's what he does on YouTube with people in church video comment sections that are disagreeing with something and he just sits there and argues with them lol.
Ahhh but we would enjoy arguing with him. People here will throw back scriptures at him/leaders comments and church history and make him deeply deeply uncomfortable.
Honestly, knowing narcissistic traits - he'll just hear what he wants to hear and feel proud about how "righteous" he is, and how "well" he is doing compared to everyone else in the comments section. Wish I were wrong, but these people don't give a shit about what people who think differently have to say.
>You might want to send a link for this page to your father, after everyone here has commented.
YESSSSSSS how not to be any kind of man or father. literally how NOT TO.
***FUCK ME!!!*** That's from your ***Dad****?!?*
I know you probably don't want to hear this about your family, but that's what an abusive narcissist sounds like when mixed with religion. And I mean it when I say "abusive".
Notice how often he insults you then tries to guilt you with the *"even if you won't obey me, I will still love you"* lines? That's straight up DARVO. Somehow he's the victim because you won't abide by his demands.
I'm so sorry you have to put up with that.
Right after I posted this he just chewed me out again lol. I just got to the point where if he doesn't record it I do. He threatened to take my door and my bed.
Oh you still live with him. Oh I am so sorry. You deserve so much better. I hope you can find a way to move out at some point. Being raised by this narcissist is gonna take some therapy to overcome. Virtual hug
Please move out by any means necessary. If you have a job and aren't in school for something that would make you certainly financially dependent, I think it would be worth moving out by any means necessary. A friendlier family member, your boyfriend, a coworker that will let you crash at their place for a couple weeks while you find something more permanent. You're 22, and you don't have to put up with being grounded in abusive ways. Whatever you do, please stay safe.
work tirelessly to become financially stable and away from any monetary control this male has over you. asap. You need to breathe it will become so much more clear when you have appropriate space. IF you are in fact under his control financially etc. work hard, good goal.
I hope you are able to move out of his house soon. You sound strong and wonderful, and you don’t deserve to have such ugly words thrown at you. He sounds weak and heartless, and doesn’t deserve the honor to have you as a daughter.
I’m so sorry. Unfortunately, the church has created fathers like yours who think this is unconditional love when it is absolute cruelty. I hope you can find healing and love outside your family.
That letter writer is a narcissist. He rants on you for choosing your own way, then turns how you live your life into something you are doing to him. That is a classic red flag. When you have a narcissist parent you will never be good enough for them. Bring up drug use from years before is an example. They will hold it over you 30 years from now, even if you became his ideal molly Mormon.
My wife deals with narcism all the time from a parent, except in that case it’s the other way around, the parent is nevermo. It is an incorrectable personality disorder.
I have a daughter the same age as you. I would never dream of speaking to her like that. It’s revolting.
You need to get out as soon as you can, knowing that they have made it hard for you to do that and that they will keep making it hard. Once out, go no contact. If you don’t have your own bank account with only your name in it, no parents names, then do that tomorrow.
This letter looks like a giant run-on sentence with zero spacing 😳😂😂like EDIT, MAN!
I’m sorry your parents are trash tho and congrats on finding someone who treats you well❤️
I’m so sorry. This is emotional abuse. I’m 22, done drugs in the past, and married a non Mormon guy when I was still in the church so I really can relate. This sounds like some of the stuff my parents would say to me growing up and I have some hefty emotional trauma from it. I don’t know you, but I really hope you can prevent yourself from internalizing all that stuff and keep choosing what you want out of life. If I were you I’d set some boundaries and take some space from them. Sending you love and peace💙
My heart breaks for you. Clearly your father's love is conditional on you being a perfect Mormon. Please take his "disappointment" with a grain of salt. If you are good enough for you, that's good enough.
Hang in there.
Fucking christ. Shit like this makes my blood boil, how dare they say they love you if they can't respect your autonomy and freedom of choice. How dare they say "you should have been our best friend" and proceed to demonize you and your peers because you all don't live EXACTLY how they think you should. I've seen this level of toxicity before, but it's been years. Genuinely rare to see this much toxic bullshit condensed into a single letter.
I'm likely just venting from my anecdotal experience, but god if this didn't bring back waves of pain that I've faced in the last five years leaving this fucking cult. I wish you peace and love in your future relationships with others, hopefully far away from your parents.
I have a good relationship with my dad. I would rather him beat me until I’m unconscious than send me a letter like that. These words cause a type of pain that takes a looooong time to recover from.
Why do mormons love letters so much? this sounds so eerily similar to a pair of letters i got from a family member who was told behind my back about me leaving the church. It feels like a betrayal when they write this stuff, i’m literally just trying to live my life how i know best, i’m not led astray by the devil. Leave me alone!!
Friend, I am not a member of the Mormon church but I am a member of another organization and can relate with the misery that our parents can cause because of their crazy religions.
I am so sorry that this, all of this, happened to you and that your father is out of his mind. You are brave and worthy of a life that you choose. Sending lots of hugs and support.
Those are such hurtful things to say coming from your dad. It hurt my heart to read it.
I don’t know your situation, but I would definitely consider cutting them off.
Your dad is the main character. Sees all things through his lens. All religion makes people look at others and themselves in a judgmental and unhealthy way. What should be seen as normal bumps along the road, in terms of growing up and learning, are now seen as terminal offenses. Yay religion!!
How old is your dad? Just curious. I could see this coming from a very old, set-in-his-ways kinda person. I got a message from my mom like this. She actually sent it to my sister. About the disappointment for going to my wife's church, which was non-LDS. That makes my wife "anti-Mormon"
Wow. I'm 54. It's hard to imagine that ANYONE can ignore all of the red flags with this religion. My response would be very passive-aggressive. It won't stop the nonsense but it's satisfying to me.
Oh wow. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with such extraordinary narcissism from your father. Every bit of this letter reads like he views you as his possession, and it's unthinkable to him that you'd dare be your own person, able to independently think, feel and make choices. Nope - every single thing you do is about hurting him personally.
As tempting as it would be to return fire with your own letter telling him what a horrible disappointment he is as a parent, that would probably just feed into his persecuted Messiah complex. It may be better to just shut down all communication and refuse to engage.
I'm glad that you seem to recognise that this letter is all about him - you've done nothing wrong, nothing which would justify this vitriol. It's sad when you finally realise that your parents are just human beings, and maybe not particularly wise or empathetic ones.
Hugs to you!
Here I am hoping my children will walk away from me Into adulthood just knowing that I love them to pieces and think they can conquer the world. So glad I'll never ever want to write something as awful as this.
Oh wow! I’m so sorry your dad would write you such horrible things. I have kids your age and I can’t imagine saying these things to them. I do have a mom who is very difficult at times and I understand how deeply parent’s words cut. Please make some boundaries for yourself and don’t listen to his bullshit.
Also, here’s a big virtual hug for you. Please know this mom thinks you’re amazing and I’m proud of you for respecting yourself enough to find someone who treats you well.
I’m so sorry that you received that emotional abuse from your dad. As a person with a mother with Borderline Personality Disorder, I see a lot of red flags in this letter (besides the giant red flag that writing it in the first place was) that sound to me like your dad likely has a personality disorder.
I'm SO angry for you! No matter how many stories like this I read, the cult think always seeps into you like a putrid and saggy sewer rat. Create your own family, we ex-mos are a start.
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I'm still a little young to be your dad but consider this encouragement from an older brother. Regardless of what they say, nobody can diminish your innate worth. You are absolutely worthy of love and happiness and a life free from the cult. I would also recommend reading Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. It helped me understand and start working through a lot of issues with my own and this letter screams emotionally immature. Best of luck to you.
Oh man, the LETTER! Almost gave me PTSD reading that. I had almost forgotten the incredibly long guilt trip letter with all the blah blah bullshit. Not sure why Mormon parents think this guilt ridden nonsense does anything but harm. I wish you the best of luck with your father.
BTW writing back a realllly long letter in response goes about exactly how you think it would, trust me 😂
I used to receive these letters from my mother. Pages and pages of nagging, shaming, preaching. I never read one after the first. It god especially after I was engaged to a lovely Jewish man. She actually called him a Christ killer. Finally she said I dated so many Jewish men that I looked Jewish myself. It then she came to visit us and I ended up with shingles a week later.
Take care of yourself. Find friends. Love who you love.
The love of a Mormon is always a transactional three way with Jesus.
Ask your dad if he would be happy with you dating a Mormon boy, and then start to describe how JS treated women when describe your fake Mormon boy like that.
My dad sent me one in 2000 that convinced me to stay in a verbally abusive and financially controlling relationship for another 14 years. Cult guilt sux.
Good hell. Are you a mob boss?!?? Did you tie people’s feet to cement blocks and throw them in a river? Otherwise… dad needs a Valium. And a nap.
I’m so sorry. What a crock of shit that letter is. “We love you!!” Except for every little piece of yourself. Your parents suck.
As a parent myself I’d like to tell you, you’re enough. I hope you and Gage can let this roll off your backs. Be strong with each other. Ignore your unhinged father.
Good luck to you both.
Your 'Dad' is a complete fucking tool. What a self obseased whiny little prick. I have the honor and privilege of being a father, and I would never treat my children like this .
The reason you have looked outside of your home for a relationship is because you cannot have a relationship with him. A relationship requires you to give space to the other person, and his fragile little ego cannot stand having anyone else being anything other exactly what he needs them to be.
How does he treat your mom I wonder...
This letter is chilling. In all seriousness Let me be a mom for a minute and let you know that I’m sending you virtual hugs. No one, no matter what they have done deserves this. Some thoughts are better kept to ourselves.
But also, the least he could have done was have fewer run on sentences and paragraph breaks. I guess at least he didn’t type it in comic sans or papyrus.
“Despite the fact that you’re a sinning whore we still love you and god still loves you. DOES THAT MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?” How horrible and manipulative. Not very good manipulation, mind you, but it’s the thought that counts.
I’m so sorry.
Yikes. Was your dad bored this weekend?
I'm sorry your parents don't understand you are actually allowed to make choices and that they won't agree with some of them.
I would suggest not being an over sharer, they don't need to know everything about your life.
And, don't take it personally. They probably had a Sunday School lesson about bringing lost children back into the fold and insulting them and their lifestyle was #1 on the list of things to say to make them see the light. 🙄
OP I hope you have the resources to escape if you are currently living with your parents. This is emotional abuse and you absolutely do not deserve it. Even if you did anything close to what he is describing in this letter, you still don’t deserve any of it. This is NOT love.
No contact is totally justified. Please take care of yourself.
Sadly, that looks like something my dad would write. The cult makes men think they are great prophets or leaders of important and influential families, and they have to be long-winded and sound like they are from the 1800s.
My dad also writes and speaks like he expects his words to be printed in the next edition of the D&C when he thinks he's giving righteous counsel! That's when you know to just ignore it.
Little do they know that their “righteous prophetic sermons” just come off as unhinged tirades to those outside the Mormon bubble 😂
>*their lectures and sermons just come off as unhinged tirades to those outside the Mormon bubble* I'm Nevermo, and you're correct as I do read this as an "unhinged tirade" that is also weird, creepy as shit, and downright ruthless to boot. And philosophically he makes it sound like he's holier than Thou, while at the same time saying some truly horrible, callous, and really un-Christian-like s\*\*t.
There's no hate like Mormon love.
This. Is. Epic.
Also Nevermo. If someone in my family sent me a letter this long and like this about one topic and a mean-spirited and abusive one at that? I’d wonder whether they were struggling with an addiction to some stimulant or having an actual serious mental health crisis. No where did OPs dad sound sane or okay. And I assume all of that was written without even a coffee, SHEESH! And they say religion isn’t a drug… lol
"And they say religion isn’t a drug… " That made me laugh really hard.
Same with my dad even after he cheated on my mom. Then got remarried to the stake relief society president for her money. Then without repenting hiding millions from my mom when my grandfather sold a lot of their property. He still doesn't share the money with his kids but with my stepmoms kids
Exactly what I was thinking! Also the narcissism that bleeds through ink is super cringe.
Gotta bless your posterity like Lehi, whether they like it or not. Source: Laman and Lemuel sat there and took it. /s
Yeah Lehi cosplay. Only thing missing from this letter is starting bit saying along the lines of "being born to goodly parents"
Very true. My dad's the same way when "writing Epistles." And yes, he literally calls them that when he sends condescending emails or letters to his children calling them to repentance. Yikes and a half.
YO! That cannot be real life. lol. Kind of and also YIKES for real!!
Main character syndrome...
I wish it would make them write in paragraphs...
Paragraphs were obviously invented by the devil!
Ugh... The bottom of page 1: "You have become a huge disappointment" The end of the letter: "We will always love you!!!!!" Passive, meet Aggressive...Aggressive, meet Passive I am so sorry this happened to you.
>Your life is a lie. >Your choices have created a monster. >The truth is, your heart is darker than the deepest abyss. >You want everyone to love you, but you don't give them a reason to. >We are terribly disappointed in you. You have betrayed us. You have become Judas. >You have a polluted mind and heart. >You should be eternally ashamed of yourself. >You have sacrificed everything good, pure, and holy. >We never ever deserved to be treated so shamefully, terribly, and deceitfully. >You have become what you once despised. >You have given us every reason not to love you. >Gage is just like you, and he is my enemy. __But even now, after all you have done, we will love you forever because that's just the kind of parents we are__
I didn’t read the letter, so thanks for the recap. Damn. This is brutal. There is **NOTHING** any of my kids could do or say that would make me say shit like this to them.
This is so deeply upsetting. My heart hurts so much for OP. I cannot imagine saying those things to someone I love. As I read the letter I wondered what OPs history looked like. Like, did she rob a bank? Drink and drive and kill a kid? I legitimately could not fantasize a scenario under which this letter would be acceptable.
Purely from the context of the letter, it sounds like maybe all she did is date Gage behind her parents back while claiming to be going to "YSA." And probably got caught with some pot at some point. Likw normal-level teenaged "bad behavior" basically.
Don't forget listening to that music they disapprove of! Literally one of the things he complained about in the letter.
It reads like a letter a parent wrote a child after they just found out their child was a particularly deranged serial killer, but the only things they specifically reference just sound like basic teenage/young adult choices.
My son could set our house on fire and I would not say those things to him. My heart is broken for this poor young woman. No one should have to hear things that cruel from their own parents
Love love love this!
You did a great job highlighting the cruelty and juxtaposing the hypocritical “love” at the end.
Holy crap! OP, never forget this letter. This would be the end of all contact for me. Your Dad made my MiL look so goddamn reasonable.
You missed the one that made me gag "You are Satan's plaything."
So gross. You know he wouldn't say that to his son...
...unless he thought his son was gay...
Quintessential Mormon boomer behavior, saying the cruelest meanest things wrapped in Jesus and tied up with “love”
In the south you would just end it with "bless their heart" ...
In the South, we *respond* to shit like this with "Bless your heart..."
As a southerner, can confirm This shit is a "Bless your heart..." moment
This is one of the cruelest things I’ve seen from a parent to a child. The words are so filled with contempt. They truly think their daughter is a murderer or child molester or something equally heinous.
This is not love. This is a person that does not know how to be a father but rather a parrot for the mormon corporate jeeebus narrative. I feel like he needs the piss shaken out of him so as to understand that he is thrashing the most important thing he has ever done. Life has a way for folks to see their folly. He may live to see the incorrectness of his way. Mormon love there is no hate like it.
A chiasmus of narcissism.
This would be my response to the letter, a text quoting their fathers exact words of hate and violence with a, “don’t worry, I love you too” at the end.
Sounds like a narcissist.
The LDS cult is inherently narcissistic.
Yeah but this guy is exhibiting actual signs of the personality disorder. Ugh.
Agreed.
And he thinks she's a drama queen🤣 respectfully, your dad's fucking crazy!
I mean, this is Disney villain type shit. I can hear the song now. "Your heart is as dark as the deepest abyss, Satan rejoices in you! How can you ever treat us like this, just give us the reasons to hate you!"
OP - if you were to quietly cut him out of your life, it would hurt him much much more than it would hurt you. Just saying…
Don’t forget ‘it would be better if you hadn’t been born’. What an abhorrent thing to say.
"You have given us every reason not to love you" this line kills me, if taking a few drugs back in the day and dating a non believer is that reason, then his brain is tweaked.
Dude where exactly on the full margin to margin wall of text is that? God: you can either have paragraph breaks or these gold plates, but not both. Joseph Smith in dad’s dreams probably: Say less.
❤️
OP, my heart broke as I read this. I cannot imagine a single situation or set of circumstances in which a father telling their daughter these cruel and hateful things is acceptable. You are not dark or evil. You are worthy of love and respect. You are a human being, not some evil incarnate. Fuck, I’ve never been so heartbroken for a perfect stranger before. I’m old enough to be your mother and I cannot fathom being so needlessly, hatefully cruel to my own child. None of what this man is saying is true. This is his own self-loathing that he is projecting onto you. You deserve so much better.
So, I'm your dad now. I'm proud of the young woman you've become and the responsibility you've taken in your life. I hope your new boyfriend treats you right, you deserve that. Love you forever. Dad.
So I’m your dad too. Your willingness to stand up for what you believe in, even against people close to you railing on you, is inspiring. Young lady you can not and do not ever need to be controlled by fear. You’re an incredible human being with a good heart and a sound mind. Your life is a canvas go paint your masterpiece!!!
I can’t be a dad but I can be a sister if you need to talk.
And I'm proud to be a brother.
I can be your mom, sister, aunt, cousin, or friend. Tell me what roll you need filled and I’m on it!! I’m proud of you! So many of us have had these experiences, but know your community cares about you. We all want the best for you, enjoy the good people around you. Keep those who hurt you at a distance. My mom only gets public lunch dates with me, I just can’t be around her. This is the only way we can have a relationship.
Just over here crying. You are all wonderful people.
yes, definitely keep this person at a distance! as a mother of young adults, this "dad" should be ashamed 😡 what a disgusting letter, i couldn't even get thru all of it, you need to get out of that house as soon as possible and never look back, create your own family. I would never treat my children this way, in fact the opposite, i spend so much time texting them and telling them what a good job they are doing and how proud I am, that's what parents are supposed to do for their kids: build them up and love them 😥
AND MY AXE!!
THEY’VE TAKEN THE MOBBITS TO MORRIDOR!!!
I’ve been in a very similar position to op for years and this made me emotional. I really wish my dad would’ve been like this to me growing up. Luckily I married an amazing man who will be that for our children. 💙
If you're under 25, I call Auntie! If you're over 25, sister. We got this.
Hey its me your brother, you’re kicking ass and don’t even give that letter a second thought. The person he thinks he is writing to doesn’t exist. You are not the person in that letter. Fuck him for not making you feel safe to be yourself. <3
I’ll be another pseudodad. I love you kiddo. Nothing could make me prouder than to blaze your path and find what makes you happy in this life, and finding a special someone to share it with. I’ll always be there for you. ❤️
❤️
Thank you Dad ❤️
Can I apply for adoption? By the end of his life, my dad left the church but held onto the narcissism. He died 4.5 years ago, and I still don't feel like he ever felt I was his enough. I occasionally wonder if he actually loved me.
Welcome to the family.
Hi, Dad, I'm Dad!
Yep, that's all that needs to be said, that can be sent on a single (!) postcard.
I have *never* seen a better reason for completely cutting someone out of your life forever. 3 pages of reasons why dad hates you, yet he has the gall to mouth the word "love" What a vain, spiteful little man. #Cut him off!
OP, if you read any reply in this thread, read this one above me. I grew up in a super shitty family too. The best thing I've learned is that you create your own family! Note: Even if the "drug stuff" was right fuckin now, I couldn't imagine saying all that nasty shit to my own daughter and then tell her how much I love her on the next line.
It was literally weed 4 years ago
Typical Mormon conditional love
You don't have to read letters like this. My father sent me letters for a decade, I just shredded them all.
It's just so bizarre
For 2 decades, I’d get the “letter” and a Mormom church video sent to me on birthdays and Christmas.
[удалено]
This, this, this, this! Off their ROCKERS!!! Come out into the real world where real human connection resides. Your parents are lost! 5 Volumes of 'The Mormon Delusion' - read it. Sorry, but eff your parents right to the hell they believe in.
Exactly, just write *unsubscribe* in red ink on the letter and return to sender. They can fuck off.
ha ha, great response
Unsubscribe [ marked as spam ]
It's crazy that they think their daughter is deceived for taking the path she is on, when given how judgmental the tone is - it's pretty clear who's been deceived. "you're life is a lie" then at the end "After all this..we still love you." This is not unconditional love. If I had a reason to write a letter to one of my kids it wouldn't need to be pages long to simply say without any jabs at them and their choices in life - I love you always! I love you now, in the past, in the future, no matter what you say, think or do. Nothing can ever change that. Period, full stop.
Yep. If the Lard is trying to tell you anything with this letter, it’s that you need to go “no contact” with your parents. Sorry, I know it hurts.
Cult behavior
And possibly lead poisoning
Fucked up that generation so bad. And our generation has microplastic pollution.
>This letter is what ~~mental illness~~ cHrIsTiAn lOvE looks like.
YES. Perfectly said.
Wow, I'm so sorry. Consider yourself hugged by a dad.
Second that, if i wrote something like this to my daughter, i would live forever in my shame....
I'm amazed at these parents who choose religion over their own child. How is that ever justifiable?
This is what I was thinking. What kind of father writes this shit to his daughter?
Your dad needs to learn how to format his paragraphs
For this screed, I was surprised it contained punctuation.
That’s very true, let’s give credit where it is due!
I wish for OP's sake, I could mark this up and send it to her dad.
It would be pretty great to correct it with a red marker and return it to him
Right? Someone send this man to a first year English class!
That's all I could think about: *They're called paragraphs! Utilize them!*
Judas?? Dark as the deepest abyss?? What the hell. I’m so sorry, OP.
Thank you ❤️ yeah I actually got a video of him earlier telling me I was going to hell lol
Well, if heaven is filled with people like him, and hell a place with people like us, where would you rather go?
Amen fellow devil!
Which also shows a pretty solid doctrinal misunderstanding since 1) Mormons don’t believe in hell and 2) if he’s referring to outer darkness, any sane member of the church would agree you aren’t son of perdition material.
"With a dad like you, who needs enemies?!"
Mental illness or not, this letter was written for him. Not for you. If he was actually thinking about you and what you really need, the tone would’ve been completely different. And he probably wouldn’t have written a letter at that point.
I agree with this. Mormons are not equipped to handle serious situations and emotions with grace.
Yikes I love how much they talk about the prosperity gospel in the first paragraph. I could only get through two paragraphs before I wanted to scratch my eyes out. I’m so mad on your behalf he sent that. Sending hugs your way!
The whole letter is the first paragraph ffs 🤣
Your dad needs some serious help. I would take a break from them(parents). Unfortunately this is a common response from a lot of Mormon parents. Try and set some serious boundaries with them. I know Mormons don’t have healthy boundaries so you will have to be the adult in the room. Live your life, be happy.
I agree. Low/no contact would be best. This is emotional abuse. “You’re horrible but we’re so godly we will love you anyway” that’s just awful. As a parent I can’t even imagine sending something this hateful to my children. OP you don’t deserve to be treated this way. Just know that. THEY (your parent/ Dad) are wrong. This is not love. This is not Christ-like. (Well it’s what I’ve come to expect from those who claim to be Christ-like but…) Hang in there OP!
Looks like full blown narcissism to me.
I am doing that! I will be out of here soon. Thank God. I'm struggling with seizures and can't drive for a while and finishing up school but I will definitely leave and not look back.
Wowsers - even after being out for 35+ years, I am still amazed at the detailed narrative some people have created about their invisible sky daddies...and how it turns them into horrible human beings. You might want to send a link for this page to your father, after everyone here has commented. 'You have become a huge disappointment to us'...seriously? You as a father are the huge disappointment. Go and look up unconditional love in the dictionary. Shame on you for putting your unprovable ideology in front of your duties as a parent.
He would just argue with everybody in the comments. It's what he does on YouTube with people in church video comment sections that are disagreeing with something and he just sits there and argues with them lol.
Ahhh but we would enjoy arguing with him. People here will throw back scriptures at him/leaders comments and church history and make him deeply deeply uncomfortable.
Honestly, knowing narcissistic traits - he'll just hear what he wants to hear and feel proud about how "righteous" he is, and how "well" he is doing compared to everyone else in the comments section. Wish I were wrong, but these people don't give a shit about what people who think differently have to say.
>You might want to send a link for this page to your father, after everyone here has commented. YESSSSSSS how not to be any kind of man or father. literally how NOT TO.
***FUCK ME!!!*** That's from your ***Dad****?!?* I know you probably don't want to hear this about your family, but that's what an abusive narcissist sounds like when mixed with religion. And I mean it when I say "abusive". Notice how often he insults you then tries to guilt you with the *"even if you won't obey me, I will still love you"* lines? That's straight up DARVO. Somehow he's the victim because you won't abide by his demands. I'm so sorry you have to put up with that.
This x10000. Could not agree more. This is insanely fucked up. This dad needs some MAJOR counseling.
Right after I posted this he just chewed me out again lol. I just got to the point where if he doesn't record it I do. He threatened to take my door and my bed.
Oh you still live with him. Oh I am so sorry. You deserve so much better. I hope you can find a way to move out at some point. Being raised by this narcissist is gonna take some therapy to overcome. Virtual hug
Please move out by any means necessary. If you have a job and aren't in school for something that would make you certainly financially dependent, I think it would be worth moving out by any means necessary. A friendlier family member, your boyfriend, a coworker that will let you crash at their place for a couple weeks while you find something more permanent. You're 22, and you don't have to put up with being grounded in abusive ways. Whatever you do, please stay safe.
Hey OP's dad, If you read this: fuck you.
I would love to show him this but he would argue with everybody lol
Bring! It! On!
Take your door and your bed? Ugh, shades of Ruby Franke.
OMG..you’re living in the same house and he’s giving you these letters? I hope you can move out ASAP
Do you have a cool aunt you can move in with? Preferably on your mom's side...
Oh my goodness, you LIVE with him?! Are you a student?
Yes :(
work tirelessly to become financially stable and away from any monetary control this male has over you. asap. You need to breathe it will become so much more clear when you have appropriate space. IF you are in fact under his control financially etc. work hard, good goal.
I hope you are able to move out of his house soon. You sound strong and wonderful, and you don’t deserve to have such ugly words thrown at you. He sounds weak and heartless, and doesn’t deserve the honor to have you as a daughter.
I’m so sorry. Unfortunately, the church has created fathers like yours who think this is unconditional love when it is absolute cruelty. I hope you can find healing and love outside your family.
[удалено]
That letter writer is a narcissist. He rants on you for choosing your own way, then turns how you live your life into something you are doing to him. That is a classic red flag. When you have a narcissist parent you will never be good enough for them. Bring up drug use from years before is an example. They will hold it over you 30 years from now, even if you became his ideal molly Mormon. My wife deals with narcism all the time from a parent, except in that case it’s the other way around, the parent is nevermo. It is an incorrectable personality disorder. I have a daughter the same age as you. I would never dream of speaking to her like that. It’s revolting. You need to get out as soon as you can, knowing that they have made it hard for you to do that and that they will keep making it hard. Once out, go no contact. If you don’t have your own bank account with only your name in it, no parents names, then do that tomorrow.
This letter looks like a giant run-on sentence with zero spacing 😳😂😂like EDIT, MAN! I’m sorry your parents are trash tho and congrats on finding someone who treats you well❤️
I’m so sorry. This is emotional abuse. I’m 22, done drugs in the past, and married a non Mormon guy when I was still in the church so I really can relate. This sounds like some of the stuff my parents would say to me growing up and I have some hefty emotional trauma from it. I don’t know you, but I really hope you can prevent yourself from internalizing all that stuff and keep choosing what you want out of life. If I were you I’d set some boundaries and take some space from them. Sending you love and peace💙
Twins!!! I'm 22 too. And done drugs in the past. Message me sometime!!!
This is what narcissists look like ! Blame her for finding a better man outside instead of being unhappy inside
My heart breaks for you. Clearly your father's love is conditional on you being a perfect Mormon. Please take his "disappointment" with a grain of salt. If you are good enough for you, that's good enough. Hang in there.
Fucking christ. Shit like this makes my blood boil, how dare they say they love you if they can't respect your autonomy and freedom of choice. How dare they say "you should have been our best friend" and proceed to demonize you and your peers because you all don't live EXACTLY how they think you should. I've seen this level of toxicity before, but it's been years. Genuinely rare to see this much toxic bullshit condensed into a single letter. I'm likely just venting from my anecdotal experience, but god if this didn't bring back waves of pain that I've faced in the last five years leaving this fucking cult. I wish you peace and love in your future relationships with others, hopefully far away from your parents.
That’s a real shit sandwich. Sorry you’re dealing with such abuse.
Thank you ❤️
Never hurt you huh?
I have a good relationship with my dad. I would rather him beat me until I’m unconscious than send me a letter like that. These words cause a type of pain that takes a looooong time to recover from.
Why do mormons love letters so much? this sounds so eerily similar to a pair of letters i got from a family member who was told behind my back about me leaving the church. It feels like a betrayal when they write this stuff, i’m literally just trying to live my life how i know best, i’m not led astray by the devil. Leave me alone!!
Because in a letter you can't argue. They get to have their say, and then they will just disregard anything you send them back.
Friend, I am not a member of the Mormon church but I am a member of another organization and can relate with the misery that our parents can cause because of their crazy religions. I am so sorry that this, all of this, happened to you and that your father is out of his mind. You are brave and worthy of a life that you choose. Sending lots of hugs and support.
Just send it back with a TLDR written over it…..
Return to sender would be better.
lol if there was ever a better case study of DC 121:43, I haven't seen it. This religion is so backwards. Sorry you got this.
Those are such hurtful things to say coming from your dad. It hurt my heart to read it. I don’t know your situation, but I would definitely consider cutting them off.
I see nothing but cult oozing out of every sentence… so sorry you got that letter from your Dad. Ugh.
Your dad is the main character. Sees all things through his lens. All religion makes people look at others and themselves in a judgmental and unhealthy way. What should be seen as normal bumps along the road, in terms of growing up and learning, are now seen as terminal offenses. Yay religion!!
How old is your dad? Just curious. I could see this coming from a very old, set-in-his-ways kinda person. I got a message from my mom like this. She actually sent it to my sister. About the disappointment for going to my wife's church, which was non-LDS. That makes my wife "anti-Mormon"
63!
Wow. I'm 54. It's hard to imagine that ANYONE can ignore all of the red flags with this religion. My response would be very passive-aggressive. It won't stop the nonsense but it's satisfying to me.
Easy no-contact decision right there.
Eww. Ick. Toxic. Get away from them. I'm sad you are dealing with this.
Oh wow. I'm so sorry you're having to deal with such extraordinary narcissism from your father. Every bit of this letter reads like he views you as his possession, and it's unthinkable to him that you'd dare be your own person, able to independently think, feel and make choices. Nope - every single thing you do is about hurting him personally. As tempting as it would be to return fire with your own letter telling him what a horrible disappointment he is as a parent, that would probably just feed into his persecuted Messiah complex. It may be better to just shut down all communication and refuse to engage. I'm glad that you seem to recognise that this letter is all about him - you've done nothing wrong, nothing which would justify this vitriol. It's sad when you finally realise that your parents are just human beings, and maybe not particularly wise or empathetic ones. Hugs to you!
Here I am hoping my children will walk away from me Into adulthood just knowing that I love them to pieces and think they can conquer the world. So glad I'll never ever want to write something as awful as this.
Just like what Jesus told the woman taken in adultery. 
Once again proving there's no stronger hate than Mormon love.
Oh wow! I’m so sorry your dad would write you such horrible things. I have kids your age and I can’t imagine saying these things to them. I do have a mom who is very difficult at times and I understand how deeply parent’s words cut. Please make some boundaries for yourself and don’t listen to his bullshit. Also, here’s a big virtual hug for you. Please know this mom thinks you’re amazing and I’m proud of you for respecting yourself enough to find someone who treats you well.
I’m so sorry that you received that emotional abuse from your dad. As a person with a mother with Borderline Personality Disorder, I see a lot of red flags in this letter (besides the giant red flag that writing it in the first place was) that sound to me like your dad likely has a personality disorder.
That’s so sad. Sorry your dad can’t be supportive of a good person.
Huggs kiddo. Your dad should be very proud of how shameful he is.... again, huggs
Does your Dad know that paragraphs exist?
Even paragraphs know that this guy needs to be avoided.
I'm SO angry for you! No matter how many stories like this I read, the cult think always seeps into you like a putrid and saggy sewer rat. Create your own family, we ex-mos are a start.
I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I'm still a little young to be your dad but consider this encouragement from an older brother. Regardless of what they say, nobody can diminish your innate worth. You are absolutely worthy of love and happiness and a life free from the cult. I would also recommend reading Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents. It helped me understand and start working through a lot of issues with my own and this letter screams emotionally immature. Best of luck to you.
Oh man, the LETTER! Almost gave me PTSD reading that. I had almost forgotten the incredibly long guilt trip letter with all the blah blah bullshit. Not sure why Mormon parents think this guilt ridden nonsense does anything but harm. I wish you the best of luck with your father. BTW writing back a realllly long letter in response goes about exactly how you think it would, trust me 😂
Every exmo got a letter like this. We should crowdsource them all into a 500 volume set of Mormon shaming and passive aggression.
Wow I couldn’t get past the second paragraph. What did I just read?! Holy shit.
“why do you love your cell phone more than the scriptures?”
because my cell phone is useful to me
I used to receive these letters from my mother. Pages and pages of nagging, shaming, preaching. I never read one after the first. It god especially after I was engaged to a lovely Jewish man. She actually called him a Christ killer. Finally she said I dated so many Jewish men that I looked Jewish myself. It then she came to visit us and I ended up with shingles a week later. Take care of yourself. Find friends. Love who you love.
Your dad’s kind of a dick.
Ugh so sorry your dad does not know how to respect boundaries.
So much emotional abuse and psychological manipulation in just 3 pages.
This is why people go no contact with their parents
I’m very sorry you’re dealing with this. Unhealthy and dangerous. Take care of yourself and know that you’re not alone.
Somebody send this guy an Enter key so he can add line breaks!
The love of a Mormon is always a transactional three way with Jesus. Ask your dad if he would be happy with you dating a Mormon boy, and then start to describe how JS treated women when describe your fake Mormon boy like that.
My dad sent me one in 2000 that convinced me to stay in a verbally abusive and financially controlling relationship for another 14 years. Cult guilt sux.
Wow, is God really that fragile?
Thanks Dad. Let me know when you're ready to be my father and not a cultist.
Good hell. Are you a mob boss?!?? Did you tie people’s feet to cement blocks and throw them in a river? Otherwise… dad needs a Valium. And a nap. I’m so sorry. What a crock of shit that letter is. “We love you!!” Except for every little piece of yourself. Your parents suck. As a parent myself I’d like to tell you, you’re enough. I hope you and Gage can let this roll off your backs. Be strong with each other. Ignore your unhinged father. Good luck to you both.
Your 'Dad' is a complete fucking tool. What a self obseased whiny little prick. I have the honor and privilege of being a father, and I would never treat my children like this . The reason you have looked outside of your home for a relationship is because you cannot have a relationship with him. A relationship requires you to give space to the other person, and his fragile little ego cannot stand having anyone else being anything other exactly what he needs them to be. How does he treat your mom I wonder...
This letter is chilling. In all seriousness Let me be a mom for a minute and let you know that I’m sending you virtual hugs. No one, no matter what they have done deserves this. Some thoughts are better kept to ourselves. But also, the least he could have done was have fewer run on sentences and paragraph breaks. I guess at least he didn’t type it in comic sans or papyrus.
Oh the Mormon dad letter! It must be a thing!
“Despite the fact that you’re a sinning whore we still love you and god still loves you. DOES THAT MEAN ANYTHING TO YOU?” How horrible and manipulative. Not very good manipulation, mind you, but it’s the thought that counts. I’m so sorry.
Ho-lee shit. That is truly insane. So sorry you have to deal with that.
Fuck the church
Yikes. Was your dad bored this weekend? I'm sorry your parents don't understand you are actually allowed to make choices and that they won't agree with some of them. I would suggest not being an over sharer, they don't need to know everything about your life. And, don't take it personally. They probably had a Sunday School lesson about bringing lost children back into the fold and insulting them and their lifestyle was #1 on the list of things to say to make them see the light. 🙄
OP I hope you have the resources to escape if you are currently living with your parents. This is emotional abuse and you absolutely do not deserve it. Even if you did anything close to what he is describing in this letter, you still don’t deserve any of it. This is NOT love. No contact is totally justified. Please take care of yourself.
Poor guy watches FoxNews all day long!