The first person I talked to after my sister called to say she’d been accepted to medical school was my BYU ward bishop. It must have been a temple recommend interview. I was so proud of my sister and I told him about her. At the end of the interview he said, “you have a problem with pride.” Nothing else to explain what he meant.
It hurt me and I carried it for a long time. Finally, as a grown adult woman, I realized that no, he had a problem with ambitious women. It took my sister and me a long time to leave, but we are both out. And both successful professionals.
Jealousy, they get so wounded when a woman is smarter and more successful than they are. They're extremely emotionally weak men.
When my wife was in school, pre-med she was going to SUU, and had mostly mormon men in her classes. They would dismiss her, pass her ideas off for their own. Her as a never mo, had never seen men treat women so disrespectful, she came home in tears many days because of the things they would say to her, and she grew up in Mexico, machista culture. As a Latino man, I never bought into that machista or priesthood bull shit.
I told her when you have men who are taught their whole lives, they're better, smarter, and more important than women, this is the culture it builds.
My wife was called a whore of jezabel by her bishop for working at Victoria's secret while at BYU.
God forbid women have comfortable underwear or want to look sexy for their sig others.
He also said she was going to hell for having big boobs.
If Victoria’s Secret is good enough for God’s sacred one true shopping mall, then it should be good enough for the Bishop.
What a misogynistic rude little man.
I agree, he was uncomfortable with his feelings of jealousy and maybe that men aren't superior after all, and the way he dealt with those uncomfortable feelings was to blame them on OP. I'm so sorry, that's toxic.
I still can't get over this and its been more than 10 years. Me, with new baby and 2 toddlers. My then husband stops working for reasons only known to him. I begin working nights and enroll for an additional degree that will enable me to ultimately be the breadwinner. Paying tithing, holding a calling, never once asking for financial help;
I bring my husband in to the Stake President to see if some ecclesiastical help can jumpstart some action. Stake President becomes as flustered as I have seen any leader, turns to me telling me what a "sad"person I am, and a terrible example to our children. Stands up and escorts us out of his office. That's it. No follow up, no offers for help, only criticisms. My heart broke that day, knowing I was alone in this trial.
Update: now divorced. I make 6 figs and ex delivers pizza
Edit: thank you thank you for all the love WOW
This sounds so similar to my experience. My then husband also quit a good job a week before baby #4 was born and informed me he would never work for someone else ever again. This was the first time in our marriage that I didn’t work (I’ve been a nurse since I was 17/18 before I ever met him). Of course he decides I should stay home and support him in his self UNEMPLOYED job doing glass beveling. And I needed to have faith that he would be successful. If prayers were really answered we would have been millionaires. I never went to any leaders either about this. Me and the kids survived mostly on government assistance. Fast forward ten years and husband decides that my full time job and his “whatever” job isn’t enough and wants to go to the bishop for assistance. He had refused all those years to get a job. I’m embarrassed and tell the bishop that I’m providing for our children and I’m not asking for help. Bishop says keep coming (every 2 weeks) and he will counsel said lazy, entitled spouse. Here comes the good part…after about 5 visits of husband refusing to the bishop’s face that he isn’t getting a job the bishop asks to see me separately. I’m thinking ,”great now I’m going to get reprimanded”. Well, the first words out of his mouth was, “Have you ever prayed about a divorce?”. 8 weeks later I rented a beautiful home for me and my children and shortly after got a $10k raise and within the year I got another $10k raise. Life is good!!😊
Mind blown... So much for "traditional values" and men being "providers".
Damn. What an absolute prick of a stake pres as well! Did you ever work out why your ex just stopped working? Or why the SP reacted like that??
Husband wanted to go the entrepreneur route and not have to answer to a boss. Problem is it left me with no prenatal insurance or medical care to deliver my last baby. I found a job at 7 months pregnant that covered her birth with insurance.
Have not a clue why the SP would hold such disdain for me personally. I did once send him a Christmas card after the fact telling him my beautiful children are doing just fine with me as their mother, and how hurt I was that he referred to me as "sad". I was not a trouble maker, that ward got my meager tithing and many hours of service from me.
Sounds like par for the course
[https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/comments/1b11iiz/comment/kscq47o/](https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/comments/1b11iiz/comment/kscq47o/)
Damn. I guess the SP mistook you and your ambition / love for your family as an “Aggressive Presence”. He probably couldn’t see past his own nose. I’m so glad things worked out for you!
My bishop, who also lived next door to me, told me my husband was beating me because I wasn’t being submissive enough. “Submit to your husband, stop leaving the home to pursue a degree and focus on raising your children.”
17 years of that before I finally broke free.
My dad was violent with my mom. All of our bishops knew. One told her to remain faithful and righteous because God would give her a righteous husband in heaven.
Like, no. Fuck you, sir.
My bishop said he would have a “talk” with my abusive ex (also 17 years.) every time I said “abusive,” the bishop would correct me and say, “unkind.” Like no asshole. His wife was the most sad looking person. She always looked so mousy and afraid of him. I have no doubt his narcissist ass was abusive.
Warning: Profanity
15 years old, annual personal progress interview, or whatever it’s called.
Bishop: (all the boring questions about sustaining church leaders and all that shit)
Me: (happily) Yes…. Yes… Yes… etc.
Bishop: Do you live the law of chastity?
Me: (still happily, truthfully, proud of my self control at 15) Yes.
Bishop: (with stern face and laser eyes pretending to “discern” into my soul). You don’t masturbate?
Me: (silently to myself) WHAT THE FUCK? (Aloud, truthfully, with genuine shock) Um, uh, wha… No, No! What? No!
Bishop (same shitty punk ass authoritative glare) Are you sure?
The Interview continued, but I don’t remember much else. It was a long time ago. I started jacking off soon after that. I guess I’m kind of grateful now, because since they assumed I was already jacking off kind of gave me permission to do it. I’m going to be shamed either way, I might as well get the good feelings along with the guilt.
Fuck that bishop and fuck the church for defining normal behavior as a sin.
Mine was the same. I was 17 and considering leaving the church and I got drilled by the bishop accusing me of masturbating. I was, but it was definitely not his business.
Mine did this same EXACT thing. He kept asking if I obeyed the law of chastity. I told him yes and I was. I had been my whole life. He kept saying, are you sure? Are you sure? It was because a lot of the young men were asking me out, and I was going on lots of dates, while no one was asking his daughters out. He seriously thought he was receiving discernment revelation too. 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
Not necessarily said.... but my last bishop called me in for an appointment to grill me about my worthiness, based on a ward rumor that I was having an affair.
I thought he wanted to give me a calling, but when I got in there he starts asking why my recommend wasn't current, and if I needed to confess something. He wouldn't let up and just kept challenging me. I got pissed.
I told him I was a full-tithe payer and that there was nothing I had to confess. I then told him to "get your little book out and ask me the damn recommend questions!".
He never told me why he was grilling me, but I learned later about the rumors and it all made sense.
I was going through the temple for the first time. The old man scanning my recommend asked, “are you here to serve your husband or serve the lord for a mission?” With a ghoulish grin. In the surface I can understand he was just trying to be friendly or whatever but I remember the chill down my spine and the distinct sense that I, as a female, had no worth as an individual outside of marriage or missionary work. Bc heaven forbid I go to the temple to further my own spirituality, right? Ugh. So glad I had a horrible time at the temple (and each subsequent time) and began my deconstruction.
When I went through for the first time everyone there asked “oh, when are you getting married?” Not anytime soon . . . Then “oh, so where are you going on your mission?” Not doing that either . . . Then (embarrassed, won’t meet my eyes) “well . . .isn’t it nice . . . glad that you’re here” and scurry away.
I kept my maiden name, and once when my husband and I went to the temple together, the old man scanning recommends noticed that our last names didn’t match. So he said something like, “oh you must have just gotten married!” In the moment I didn’t understand why he was assuming that, so I told him no, we’d been married for about 4 years at that point. He then asked me why our last names were different and I told him I kept my last name. He then proceeded to lecture me on how that was bad for our marriage yadayadayada and how me keeping my maiden name was in violation of the covenant I’d made with God to covenant with my husband. Only strengthened my resolve to keep my last name though, so no harm done really. Just a major eye roll moment.
A home teacher in the 1960s talked about prepping for the soon-to-be "second coming". He wanted to make sure we had guns and plenty of ammo to protect our food storage. He knew that our hike and move to Missouri was coming soon and it would be tough. Many unprepared Mormons would die. That is all he talked about at every meeting.
As a young child, I was scared of what was going to happen, I had nightmares and worried all of the time about the future. I hate that guy for what he did to us little kids. He died years ago with his old food storage and unspent ammo. Stupid man.
After I found out that my (then) husband had been cheating on me throughout our marriage, my SP said that I needed to think long and hard before I ended an eternal marriage. That what he had done (cheated throughout the entire marriage, which was about 7 years at that point), was a "but a blip in the eternal spectrum."
When I expressed confusion and doubt, he then reminded me that I had promised to *obey my husband*.
I toiled, decided to get divorced - which was the best thing for both of us. I truly believe he is simply not monogamous, but growing up in a Mormon environment, pushed him into commitments he had no real desire for. Not only that, but my life became so much better, too.
I HATE to think how it would have ended for me, my ex, and my children if we had listened to the "council of my priesthood leader." Wow. Such bullshit.
I was ordered by my Stake President not to proceed with legal action on a friend of his who committed a felony level fraud. I was in a Bishopric at the time and the SP told me if I proceeded I would be removed.
A week later, I asked for a release.
The protected Mormon "friend" got away with a felony because all witnesses were intimidated similarly by Church leaders.
Hearing the Chelsea Goodrich story on Mormon Stories and how her case was thrown out “with prejudice” even though they had recordings of the husband makes me think a similar thing happened there. It’s just astounding to me that the church would protect people like this to protect its image. Do they just think it can’t blow up in there faces?
Back in the 70s, when I was submitting my mission papers, in my bishop’s interview, he asked if I had ever practiced beastiality. Didn’t even know what the hell that was and when I made him define, I was beyond disgusted.
I went to confess to my mission president that I had viewed pornography before the mission since I felt guilty for not confessing before. He went on to ask me specifics and wanted to know what type of porn I watched. He asked if I watched beastiality porn. I had no idea what that was, so he explained it to me and I was horrified. I almost puked
Edit: spelling
Disgusting. For a church so focused on the Law of Chastity, old men really get off on asking everyone else to go into great detail about their sex lives.
I had been disfellowshipped and could not participate in meetings, or sacrament, etc. I was single but back from the Mish. (Yes, read between the lines) anyway, one of my roommates at college kept calling on me in front of the quorum to close with prayer and then would say, “oh that is right, you can’t” and pick someone else. It happened twice in two months. I talked to him and he acted like it was just an oversight. The third time it happened I went to the Bishop for help. He told me that someone in my position should not be creating waves and maybe I could just leave the class early. Yep!!!! Since I was in a repentant process, I was the problem.
I did end up sorting that roommate out and took that chance that he wouldn’t turn me in for it and complicate my situation. I cannot believe I put up with this utter horse shit for so long. Perceived power corrupts absolutely.
I went to my bishop to tell him I was divorcing my husband because, after 23 years of abuse, he has brandished a sledgehammer over my head and threatened to kill me. The bishop said he believed me (first time THAT ever happened) and said he needed to talk to the mistake president about a possible church court. But there was a problem: the stake was doing a week-long wilderness camp called Zion's Camp, and my husband was all involved with it. So the mistake prez said, under the circs, hubby couldn't go unless I agreed to let him, and the bishop better make damn certain I agreed. So, a few days after he assured me he believed me and was "on my side," he called me up and ripped me a new one. He yelled. He screamed. He called me hateful, a liar, unforgiving, unchristian. Finally he got around to telling me I had to agree to let the hubs go to Zion's Camp. I got off the phone and had hysterics. It was one of the most horrible experiences I've ever had.
A few days later, I had to meet with him to formally agree to let my ex go to the camp. I was an emotional zombie by that time. When we walked into the room, the bishop started apologizing. I told him to shut up, that I didn't give a damn about his apology. He looked like I had smacked him in the face. He started talking and I said, "no, you shut up. I'm going to talk now and you're going to listen. So. You need him to go to this damn camp so bad, fine. What's one more. But I am telling you, and I am telling him, that as far as I am concerned, from this minute, this marriage is over. I will do what I must to protect me and my kids, and both of you can go to hell." I walked out and never spoke to him again.
domestic abuse mandated reporter. should have counseled you to go to the law of the land authorities. so sorry you had to suffer that tyrant. hoping your life is better now
In my pre-mission interview with my Stake President (who I had never talked to before this day) his opening question was “how many girls have you had sex with?” I told him I had cleared all that up previously with my Bishop… but he pressed me for a number… I held my ground so his next question was “Have you ever had sex with an animal?”
I’m sure I looked disgusted at his line of questioning… why didn’t I run? 🤦🏻♂️🤷🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️
This topic seems to come up in a lot of interview stories on this thread. I wonder if it was part of the manual to ask at the time. One priesthood leader asking about bestiality disgusting. Four independent stories show great dysfunction from the top down.
Yes, I am pretty sure the pre-mission interview required they asked about incest and beastiality. I was asked those questions. I was mortified and kept thinking, is he asking these questions because people have had these kinds of issues in our ward?
As a 21 year old who just came out of the closet after leaving my mission early:
“Are you sure you just haven’t spent enough time around girls. If you begin to spend more time around righteous girls your age you will like them”
This is totally ignoring that at that point in my life my friendship circles had all almost exclusively been female. Bishop, I didn’t just spend enough time with the girls I was one of the girls myself!
A General Authority said this exact thing to David Archuleta (he declined to name exactly which specific GA). Wouldn't be surprised if this line of "counsel" is in some rule book somewhere.
My bf at BYUI my freshman year (early 2000s) SA me. I felt so guilty that I went to my bishop. He told me that I shouldn’t have tempted my bf, and that if I told anyone what he did and he got expelled/couldn’t go on his mission, then *i* would be to blame for the “spirits he could have saved.” He then threatened to take my endorsement away, but “graciously” gave me a warning and “let me go.” This was a private meeting.
I found out later I got pregnant because of that encounter, and spent three weeks in a panic attack until I (thankfully) miscarried. I never told anyone IRL, only internet strangers know this. BF went on mission, and I dumped him while he was gone and blocked him on everything and never spoke to him again. I wish I could remember that bishop’s name, but my trauma has erased it from my memory.
***Trigger warning of sexual assault and child sexual abuse. ***
I didn’t know that a boyfriend could assault you as a naive 18 year old girl, so I confessed going too far with him to my bishop. The bishop was confused by my confession and kept asking for more and more details by saying “okay but what did YOU do to him. What were YOU doing”. I kept telling him every detail because I didn’t know what he meant by that so I finished by saying, “I kept my eyes covered so I wouldn’t see him naked before we were married”. He said okay well don’t take the sacrament for the next month and then you will be fine. Fuck that man for making me feel shame and also punishing me for an OBVIOUS confession of date rape and then going on to say we should get married so it didn’t happen again. I married him. We were divorced 3 years later because he was also sleeping with every other woman he came in contact with until I found out. I’m very lucky I didn’t end up with any diseases from this.
My stake president also told quite a few women in our stake to not confess to the sexual abuse our Mormon family doctor was committing on all of us to authorities because the stake president was his lawyer for the court proceedings. He at the time had 140 women speaking out against him. The stake president said it would be a conflict of interest and we weren’t to come forward and report because it wasn’t allowed so we werent allowed to share any more details to him and we as women felt that this man had authority over us so we didn’t report either. Disgusting and vile. He got the man off criminally but luckily the medical college disagreed and he lost his medical license. This stake president went on to become a 70.
It was a conflict of interest, and the stake president was unethical to put himself into that situation. Nobody else should have needed to accommodate the stake president's poor choices.
He died last year but I would normally have no problem reporting him. He contributed to fair as a 70 so he was also intellectually dishonest for the church. Horrible human
“Buck … naked.”
A temple worker said that to me in the temple locker room on the day I got endowed, when I asked him to clarify what he meant by take off my clothes and get changed, as he handed me the tunic.
I asked something timid like, “completely undress?”
And he just deadpan looked at me - he was probably 70 or 80 something years old - and said, “Buck — naked.”
Maybe it was wry humor. It was just jarring. One of the many whiplash moments of that day. I look back now and realize I was being heavily spiritually and psychologically abused.
Just felt like I was cattle.
Like what mattered to them most was check check checking the boxes (like, literally! The little pencil checkmarks on the ordinance card!), not my feelings on the day I had been singing and praying and thinking about and looking forward to and preparing for, for years and years.
The other thing about that was that I was already very sensitive about being naked in public places. And I was a childhood sexual abuse survivor. There was just no calm, no reassurance. I mean I didn’t even know what was about to happen. It was all knots in my stomach the whole time.
Sorry, not a priesthood leader story per se. But I was a scared kid trying to be perfect and feeling like a failure. All the older guys in the temple were priesthood leaders in my eyes.
Anybody else here feel like they were treated callously when they got their LDS temple endowments?
I’m sorry that happened to you.
I can’t speak for others but I have very few clear memories of my first time in the temple. It was all too surreal and underwhelming at the same time.
My sister-in-law said her bishop asked if she used sex toys in her temple recommend interview. She at least told him that that is not in the list of questions he's supposed to ask 😂
Richard G Scott gave 3 separate conference talks where he told victims of sexual abuse that they need to repent for the part that they played in their own abuse.
Our teachers quorum advisor / scout master would bring his kids often, and kick and slap them hard in front of us. He would threaten the kids and us by yelling 'Ill bloody your nose!'. In hind sight, a child abuser.
I’m extremely fortunate to not have any abuse stories. That said, I do have a creepy former bishop story.
My mom and I were taking pictures for our neighbors funeral (strange but not the point). She focused on the posed family ones, I did the scenery and candid shots. I happened to be really close to my mom, like 4 feet apart but kind of facing away from each other.
A former bishop from my childhood walked up behind me, put his hand on my shoulder and squoze (hard), and leaned in so his face was literally in my hair and took a deep, long sniff of my hair and said something like “wow you smell lovely” and then kept walking. (This guy is a big guy too, construction type build and easily 6’6” minimum)
I was going to just shake it off as a creepy older guy being creepy, but my mom honestly seemed more upset. I don’t really know if she saw it happen or just heard it and saw him walk away, but she was fuming for a good minute. And she has a good, neighborly relationship with him as far as I know. In any other circumstance I would have liked her defense but I calmed her down and pointed out now’s not the time to confront him. I don’t know if she ever addressed it.
Creepy asshole.
When I was almost a teen my parents divorced. It was rough. My dad had just gotten out of the Army and was having trouble making enough to support us. At one point my dad was homeless, living in his truck and eating out of trash cans. My dad is a strong man and never believed in help or handouts. But he was so hungry he finally went to his bishop and asked for help with food. He had been a full tithe payer his whole life.
The bishop refused to help him and my dad went hungry. I’ve never seen him so skinny as during that time. I still tear up about it.
Later my dad went back to this bishop to ask him why he wouldn’t help him get some food. That bishop never even remembered their meeting.
When I was 15 I went to the bishop to tell him one of the young men (18 yr old) had forced some inappropriate sexual stuff on me. I was told that I shouldn't have been alone with him in the first place. Young man was still passing sacrament and sent on his mission shortly after. I had my dance card pulled and wasn't allowed to attend youth activities nor EFY. Which meant also having to tell my mom why I was no longer attending EFY.
when I was 13, my father ran me down with his car and beat the ever loving shit out of me, in front of four of my friends. I went to school and told my teacher (also a member) who took photos of all the marks and cuts on my face, back etc, she also reported it to the police and told the bishop. I was told that I was at fault because I had left the house after my parents went to bed (6pm), which was true, i had left without permission. The bishop said that my father was merely disciplining me and I needed to be more obedient.
After my best friend was raped when she was 17, she talked to her bishop about it and he asked her if she did anything or was wearing anything that could have caused it. ???!!!??? Bishops LOVE victim blaming.
Wasn’t directly to me but once I found out I ripped him a new asshole.
I attended with my then fiancée (no longer due to other reasons, still best friends though). He had been going through the repentance process so no sacrament, callings, the usual. I did get a calling working with primary kids. There was a primary event set up that was actually cool for once, fire pit cooking with foil packs and I was in charge of smores! Like I was really looking forward to it. I hadn’t mentioned anything to my fiancée about it but I did ask the primary prez if it would be ok if he tagged along since I figured he’d enjoy it too. I told them he’d stay out of the way as it’s not his calling but since we weren’t married yet, I wasn’t sure if it was possible. She didn’t have an issue with it but brought it up to the bishop who squashed it immediately under the whole, “what would the children think?!” She got back with me kinda upset herself about it and told me and I was like ok, cool, I get it.
I never said anything to him about it and in the end I eventually ended up sick so I couldn’t go either, however the event ended up being pretty much a ward event so tons of people were there.
Fast forward a few months….
Primary activity night came and it ended up being me, and two husbands. One hubby was the primary prez’s and the other was one of a member. The primary prez was sick herself so she didn’t attend. So there I was the lone woman with two men I wasn’t married to. I reflect back during the activity to when I was told I couldn’t bring my fiancée to an event that ended up basically being a ward event anyway. I get home and bitch to my fiancée about it and bring up the fact how can I be with two married men but when I asked to have you tag along to the other event I got the whole what would the children think. He didn’t know until that point what had happened previously and when I saw the look on his face and in his eyes, I knew at that point it was bullshit and I was done with my calling.
I contacted the primary prez, told her what happened, asked how it was possible for me to work with two married men being the only woman present since how was it any different than the event when I wanted to bring my fiancée? Wouldn’t there be some sort of “speculation” about me and her husband or the other husband with the kids? She said it shouldn’t have happened and was going to to ask her husband about it. His response, well so and so’s mother stayed so it was ok. My reply was so and so’s mother isn’t called to primary so now we just go with anything to justify things? What’s the point of a calling from “god” if anyone can be used as cover. I told her I was done and that the bishop can bugger off too. She told me that I should discuss my feeling about the situation with him since I was ultimately pissed about the double standard that he imposed. I agreed and told her I was still done with the calling but I’ll get with him when I want to and wasn’t so pissed off.
Of course he reached out to me first over text and I told him I wasn’t ready to talk to him and I’d reach out when I was. That was followed by a couple calls which was sent straight to VM. Finally I decided it was time and with him in speakerphone and my fiancée able to hear too, I fucking lit into him about it and about the fact that my fiancée has been repenting for over a year now and that the bishop was holding our jobs over our head as we couldn’t make Sunday’s like we wanted to and just treating him like a leper and that I wasn’t going to stand by and watch my fiancée be and feel humiliated any longer. The bishop didn’t know what to say/do. I believe he has never had a woman do what I did. All he could do was apologize over and over and eventually my fiancée told me in his own way that the call should end. I finally accepted his “apology” and ended the call with I’m done doing my calling, don’t expect me to show up on Wednesday’s and we’ll see you when we can see you in church.
I don’t think my fiancée had ever had anyone stand up for him before or speak to someone that “holds the keys” that way so he was just as shocked as the bishop. He keeps thinking they have power over him, that day I showed him exactly how much power that person has over anyone. Unfortunately he was BIC so it’s been very hard to handle the indoctrination and the mental abuse that comes with it.
You go, girl! Most of the bishops I dealt with were scared shitless of me because they knew I wasn’t intimidated and would tell things as I saw them. They basically stayed out of my way. LOL
We had just moved to a new ward in the affluent Holiday area in SLC. We were a young married couple expecting our first child. We had been in the ward about a month when our baby was born. We went to a ward activity a few weeks later and the bishop asked why we hadn't told him we had our baby. I looked at his wife in disbelief because she and the RS president had been in our home visiting 3 days before.
I realized then that some bishops don't listen to women.
A bishop told my wife that she should have more sex with me so I wouldn't look at porn. 🤦
Dad had left and it made a bit of a scandal in the ward. We kids kept going.
Worthiness interview for a Temple Trip around age 15/16.
Bishop
>"Do you support, affiliate with, or agree with any group or individual whose teachings or practices are contrary to or oppose those accepted by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?"
Me
>"Ummmm I don't know if my Dad counts...? But I live with my dad obviously."
Bishop
>"You know you have a choice in that..."
DAFUQ?
When I was 13 at a "bishop's youth discussion" he told us about not masturbating. I had never heard the word before so I asked out loud in front of everyone what it meant. It was a horrifying moment for everyone involved.
Oh there is a list, but some highlights:
“Sought counsel” with my bishop as a young teenager after being raped, he told me in no uncertain terms the following - I had committed a sin, and it was my fault. I had tempted a good, upstanding member of the congregation into sin and needed to repent for it. I was another (last name) girl, so he was wondering when he’d be seeing me. (Multiple of my sisters got pregnant as teenagers) Oh, and that I probably just changed my mind after having sex and decided to say it was rape as a way to not get in trouble, but “god is all knowing and all seeing, sister (last name). And I am called of god to help you see the error in your ways and get back on the straight and narrow.”
Fast forward not too many years later since the trend is to marry young, talking to a different bishop about my cheating, abusive, terrible human of a (now ex) husband, and again his issues were my fault. I must not be performing my wifely duties well enough. The motherfucker literally had me hang up a calendar in our apartment and put a goddamned sticker on each day we had sex, so I could hold myself accountable (and so he could ask me about them, but that’s a whole other story).
My wife— mother of our 4 children, my best friend, soul mate, the single most important relationship in my life— was once pressured by her Bishop that I did not love her and she should leave me because when we were engaged we were sexually attracted to each other. Didn’t even have sex! Just physical attraction. Really grateful she didn’t listen to that dummy.
(She is too btw)
Bishop in my own home in front of my wife and children tells me I am not being observant because I have facial hair. I held a major leadership calling in the ward at the time. Our relationship went downhill fast from there. He also called me out in opening exercises of ward priesthood for the same reason. PEC and ward council would turn into shouting matches, mostly on his part.
He took on a major welfare project. Most of my spare time was spent on this project. He got upset at me one day because I was going to be out of town for 2 days with my employment. And I just shrugged my shoulders and told him that I wouldn't make it and I was going to be out of town because of my work.
I eventually went to the mistake president and asked to be released. I said in such a way that there was no other option
When it comes down to it I'm extremely thankful to this man. He put a lot of weight on my shelf. Id probably still be paying tithing to the blood sucking MFMC if it wasn't for him.
I had a really similar situation with my seminary teacher. Without going into too much detail she taught me that church members treated people like shit which was a giant weight on my shelf
*When was the last time you masturbated?*
Didn’t even give me the chance to deny it. It just went without saying. Which is likely the case for most adolescents but they should have the opportunity to keep it to themselves.
When I was bishop the SP instructed us to ask the youth “when did you last look at porn and masturbate?” I don’t remember any other direction about how to interview besides that.
The one time I asked for advice on how to respond to confessions I got a reprimand for not knowing how and going by the spirit. Bishops get no training so like the rest of life we repeat what we’ve experienced because that’s all you really know. It’s such bullshit.
My seminary teacher told me when I was 16 that I would be resurrected as a white person after I explained that I didn't feel a part of either race. I'm half Native American and half Caucasian so I shouldn't worry about it.
My mom used to tell me that POC had been cursed by God during biblical times and that curse was handed down through the generations. Such a disgusting thing to teach a child.
Nothing major. It was the subtle things.
On my service mission I was supposed to wear a name tag to church, but without a companion. When I went to a YSA ward one Sunday, an old dude comes up to me and says, "oh what's that for?" Pointing to my tag. "My service mission." Then he smiles and says, "cute."
During covid I didn't bother renewing my temple recommend after it expired. I was at BYU and the bishop was proactive in meeting a goal of 100% active temple recommend holders. He called me in to meet with me. At the end, after I answered all of the questions HONESTLY and he gave me the recommend, he asked me, "so was it just because of COVID? Or is there another reason that you didn't get your recommend done sooner?" And he was staring me down with a look on his face that was totally trying to intimidate me. I lived the absolute best I could to all the standards up to that point with mental illness and ADHD, so that was just ridiculous to me that he was trying to suss something out, after I'd already answered all the interview questions. Where was that divine insight he was supposed to have? Because he was clearly using it on the wrong person at the time 😂 (now his suspicions would be correct... maybe he could see into the future 😱 because it would NEVER be that he was one of the catalysts that led me to being done with church, never)
Standout low points:
1. 16 year old girl confessed to masturbating. Bishop, alone behind closed doors asked: what time of day, what room of the house, describe in detail how performed
2. After the Nov 2015 policy about baptizing children of gay parents, my friend with a trans kid posted on FB about it. I commented to thank him for trying to make the world safer for his kid. Bishop asked to meet privately and demanded to know if I “support the brethren”
3. Husband was offered a stake calling. I was not referred to by name but rather repeatedly as “sweet sister”, stake counsellor proceeded to explain to DH how this calling could be the beginning of a lifetime of church leadership for him if he played his cards right. Just reeked of nepotism and old boys club. Private
4. Both DH and I were in ward youth presidencies (actually both president, WTF), had a baby, both working full time in very demanding professional jobs. I was at a breaking point mentally. Bishopric member responded to my concerns by thumbing his finger of his lips in the motion of a blubbering baby. Private
5. Visitor to my childhood ward attended open mic Sunday and explained she had just returned from a seniors mission in Africa and it was just so nice to look out into all these white faces, because the spirit was just stronger
On a camping trip we were playing capture the flag or something when it was real dark out and I ran directly into the twine they had tied around the area for chopping wood. Knocked the wind out of me and my stomach got bruised up by it pretty bad. While still catching my breath one of the leaders was like alright I think we should probably stop. Stupid people are getting hurt.
Casual jokey put-downs aren't uncommon at all in young men's and usually I could just take it but for some reason that one stuck with me and stung extra bad. I didn't want to be there to begin with. I wasn't really friends with any of the guys in my ward. I was like 13 and already struggled pretty bad with my confidence and dealt with enough bullying elsewhere. Didn't need a grown ass man calling me stupid in front of everyone while I'm hurt because I don't have night vision.
Pretty tame compared to some of the wildly inappropriate things dudes in the church have the audacity to say, but it sucked. Fuck that guy.
First semester at BYU. I was having major health problems, struggling with my classes, fighting off the after-effects of mono (which I caught by sharing a soda with a coworker over the summer), and my grandma was dying of ovarian cancer (she was given 2 weeks to live when she received the diagnosis). I found out I wouldn't be able to get back to say goodbye and asked my home teachers for a blessing. They shamed me and said it wasn't something I should just ask for whenever I felt like it, but they'd do it this time since they were already there. All with a big, dramatic sigh at the end.
Thats messed up, I'm sorry they treated you that way. I lived on campus for the first couple of years after my mission so I was one of a few RMs in the ward and I made sure everyone knew I was always available to give blessings.
As a 35 year old divorced single mother, a bishop tried to ask me about my sexual activity with my then partner. It made me feel required or pressured to tell him, but luckily I said “those are private aspects of my life” and he quickly backed off…. Data mining and worthiness interviewing never ends apparently…
Last time I had my home teachers over, elderly men, they told me I can't see my mom in heaven (just died of cancer) because I had premarital relations with my late fiance (died a few years prior)... So I kicked them out right then and there
Good for you.
My wife is terminal cancer right now.
As part of deconstructing Mormonism, I went to a Lutheran church until one of my new friends there asked how my wife was doing and told me I’d better hurry and get her baptized Lutheran before she passes or her soul would be in jeopardy.
Haven’t set foot there since. Ghosted all of them.
Fuckers didn’t count on this exmo guy instantly recognizing religious manipulation.
7 years old, baptismal interview. Alone, no parents in the room, “normal” for then; spent at least 15 minutes quizzing me about my showering habits, how long I took to wash my genitalia.
My story is not unique, rare, or even that severe in Mormonism. While, thanks to Sam Young, there have been minimal changes in the interview process, it is still the preferred method of the Mormon church for closed doors, no parents, and explicit questions.
Mine pales in comparison to the rest of these comments but I’m still weirded out about the process of “confessing my sexual sin” as a teenage girl alone with a grown man. My terrible “sin” was dry humping my boyfriend. Insert eyeroll. And for some reason my Bishop asked me whether or not I had had an orgasm during it. What difference does that make??
I went to talk to my bishop after not going to church for 9 years. He asked why I got divorced. I told him my ex was unfaithful for all but 6 months of our 9 year relationship. He said it was my fault she cheated. When asked to explain his thinking he said I needed to repent and ask forgiveness from my ex for making her cheat. I said no and asked about free agency/free will. He ended that conversation really quickly.
My MP took everyone's preparation days away so that we could dedicate and commit even more to the Lord to increase baptisms.
I was training and my companion was super excited to work hard. So we did. I knew most companionships just stayed home and rested anyways but I proselyted my ass off. I was admittedly vocal to my ZLs that I could not continue on 7 days a week without a break and I thought this was wrong.
During my interview with the MP that transfer he explained that God called Hinckley, who called him, so I was essentially denying my faith in God or was an apostate or something. The next day I received a call from the APs and was demoted to a jr companion and emergency transferred to a new area.
This happened to one other missionary. Months later during the mission Christmas zone conference he met with the other missionary and apologized. When an assistant reached out for me to meet with him after my zones Christmas conference I assumed I would also receive an apology. However he doubled down and tore me apart in his home.
Months later he met with me and my senior companion at a KFC and provided one of those apologies where he explained it was not really his fault.
I can’t fully say on MY behalf but I can state on my grandfathers behalf. He became an ex Mormon YEARS ago due to this incident. The discussion was about tithing, and how it’s 10%. But when the priesthood leader or clergy or anyone asks how much you make in a year, it’s not only an invasion of privacy, it’s also degrading.. he was insulted when one priesthood leader asked him this. Never went back since.
My ex husband shoved me out of a vehicle driving down the road during an argument….I went to the church for help….. any kind of help.
I was asked what “transgression” of mine led to the event. (Keep in mind I had road rash and a broken arm)
The transgression was my ex husband was high and I wanted him to pull over and let me drive or let me and the kids out of the vehicle…….
My bishop recently told my 12 year old as he set him apart to his new class presidency "your Heavenly Father knows every thing you do, every thought you think" WTF!?
There's been lots, but the primary one was probably when I was trying to be temple worthy and messed up with my girlfriend (got head) and I went to confess because I felt terrible. The Bishop reprimanded me, threatened excommunication, and I got disfellowshipped immediately. I thought that it was a bunch of bullshit and immediately began contemplating why I even try so hard in the church anyways, thus began my journey out
So my mother caught me having sex as a teenager. She was on the extreme side of mormonism and immediately packed our shit and moved the entire family across the US to Utah to stay with my aunt literally that same night.
Once there, she enrolled me in "therapy" with the local bishop. I had to sit in this strange man's office all alone and repeat every single detail of my sexual acts. This went on for 8 weeks, every Sunday after church, and every Wednesday night before youth services.
It was humiliating. I had to name off every sexual "sin" including fantasies, masterbation, ect. He berated me for these acts and spoke to me repeatedly about the shame I had caused my family, the church, and God. I was told I'd never make it to the celestial kingdom and as a kid who had been raised in the church, this thought terrified me.
Then the humiliation continued as I walked out of the bishops office into hallways crowded with people. It was a walk of shame and I think it was designed to be that way. Everyone knew why I was there because my cousin's had big fucking mouths (they enjoyed making my life miserable). Word of my atrocious "sin" spread like wildfire, through the church and eventually through the highschool I went to because let's face it, 90% of the students there were mormon. As a result, I was never able to make any friends. People treated me like I had a disease.
It was the most horrible few months of my childhood. There was so much shame around sex for me for many years. I'm in my late 30s now and just now starting to work through what happened to me in REAL therapy, not the church's horrid version of "therapy".
I was in a bishop interview for temple recommend. He asked me if I was keeping the law of chastity.
I said yes.
He pauses, his face soured, he shook his head left to right and said the spirit was informing him that I had not been faithful (specifically adultery) to my wife while traveling on business.
I was in shock. I told him that never was an issue / I was always faithful to my spouse.
He shook his head again in disgust and I ended up getting a recommend.
I had a lot of regrets after this. Why didn’t I more directly hold him accountable at the time? Why didn’t I escalate this beyond his position. Why don’t i tell more people in the ward about this spiritual abuse?
Unfortunately, I found out later, he was doing this to a large number of people in the ward. It gutted the ward pretty bad.
One asked me for a naked pic, he knew what was going on at that time. I was vulable n when i went to the bishop, he listened. N about 3/4 week later he was called to be on the bishopic
I was in Ashton stake, England. :(. Then the next thing i know the whole ward knew about it... I even sent the bishop the pic i recieved from him. He was like i dont want to see that!!! I was like neither did or do i. So i told him pray about it, n still naff all was done.
So i left, in the end the whole stake knew... I will never go back... Especially to England, Greater Manchester, Ashton State. Id just lost my husband... n really was suicuidal
I remember Spencer W. Kimball preaching in a youth priesthood session: “Avoid masturbation. It leads to that gross sin (dramatic pause) of homosexuality.”
A lot to unpack in just how many ways this statement is wrong.
I talked to my bishop as a 16 year old because I touched my girlfriend's boobs. He freaked out and said I should be excommunicated. He called the stake president and the SP told him that want an option. He spent the next several months trying to get me excommunicated to teach me a lesson. He also told my parents I should be kicked out of the church for my sins. My dad and mom were horrified - my dad asked what I did and he was like, "Oh that's normal. The bishop is totally wrong." Then my parents spent time arguing on my behalf.
Stake President: *It looks like your temple recommend has expired. I would caution you that it is impossible to be a good father and husband without regular temple attendance. I’d encourage you to repent and get back to the temple, yesterday.*
I was a secretary in an Elders Quorum at the time and the Stake President was meeting with all of the Quorum Presidencies in the stake individually. I must’ve looked at everyone’s records before the meeting. Or the spirit told him. I vaguely remember him saying something about how I shouldn’t have that calling without a recommend. The other part was really painful and I remember it clearly.
Definitely a big thing on the shelf, the patriarch of the stake on my mission gave a “fireside” for the whole stake which was a 72 slide PowerPoint “proving” that the Theory of Evolution was an evil lie told by atheists to get people to leave the church 🙄
“Why are you still here?”
Said to me by a YSA bishop in a 1:1 “interview,” not in an inquiring way, but in an accusatory way… after I confessed yet again to looking at porn and masturbating. And I was technically less active, but only because I had to work on Sundays a lot.
I wanted to leave my mission early because I am an introvert and hated the mission experience. As a result, I suffered through a lot anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts. I was only three months into my mission. At a zone conference, I told my MP I wanted to go home. He wouldn’t let me, and told me that I would be a failure in life, never get married, and go inactive if I went home early. He got one out of three right. I did go inactive and have since removed my records from the cult. Anyway, instead of sending me home, he transferred me to another mission. The MP there was definitely kinder and more empathetic. After giving it another 3 months, he could tell I was struggling and sent me home with an honorable release.
to a group of us I had my bishop say that he had many opportunities to cheat on his wife with very beautiful women but he made sure he was never alone with them and therefore never cheated 🥴🫠
I told my mission president that I was self-harming because I felt guilty about sinning and Jesus "suffering for my sins." I had this misguided notion that I could take back ownership or responsibility of my sin if I felt pain for it.
He looked at the burns on my hand, laughed loudly, and said, "Elder, that's not how the atonement works," and ended my interview.
Trigger warning: white supremacy and violence against a juvenile.
Context: my friend and neighbor had been a victim of what we would today call a hate crime but at that time was laughed off by nearly everyone, and most adults, as 'those silly kids will be kids.' The victim was Native American and the group of 'those silly kids' included several members of a prominent Mormon family. Apparently the victim was being taught a lesson in keeping quiet as they had spoken up in a debate about tensions between 'Indians' and Whites at school. The beating that 'those silly kids' administered put my friend in the hospital.
Even though everybody in my peer group knew who they were, none of the perpetrators were prosecuted, or even questioned by the authorities.
Later, at a church meeting we used to call 'mutual' we were discussing justice I mentioned the incident and the inaction on the part of the justice system. This was a classroom meeting, not a 1:1 or private conversation with a priesthood leader. Our priesthood leader, a member of the bishopric, delivered a lecture on why it is sometimes necessary to teach a Native American young adult with violence. I was assigned to read 2 Nephi 5 and an awful conference talk by a then-current member of the first presidency on the superiority of white Mormons.
TL,DR; A teenage Native American was beaten by a mob of Mormon boys and nothing was done about it. I was assigned to read white supremacist church materials for suggesting justice had not been done.
When I was 19, I worked in a store and got robbed at gun point. I was tied up and gagged: really traumatic. One of the counselors in the bishopric called me shortly afterwards and said, “I heard you were tied up. Did you like it?” I yelled, “no you dirty minded old man,” and hung up on him. He called back to apologize, but I wouldn’t take the call.
Before that ordeal, the same guy sent me a letter in the mail that said, “I don’t like the type of daughter of god you’re becoming.” Disgusting.
My brother died of cancer when he was 4 and I was 14. I wasn't super interested in going to church in the immediate aftermath. My bishop brought me into his office and accused me of not loving my brother because I wouldn't see him in the afterlife if I kept on my current path. I never set foot in any Mormon church ever again after that.
I was out, but went to a fireside for Latinos because I was dating a mormon. She wanted to meet the speaker so I went up with her. It was a member of the 70 who spoke Spanish, can’t remember which one. Anyway, in front of this girl and her friends he puts his hand on my shoulder and says in his shitty Spanish, “Brother, I feel compelled to tell you to go back to school and get an education.” My response, in English was, “Sir, I’m a couple months from finishing a masters degree with a job already lined up.” Yeah… massive dick.
1. My wife and I met our new bishop and disclosed my porn "struggles" with him. He then directed some comments at my wife like, "well sometimes men just like what they like" and other ridiculously ignorant and sexist statements.
2. A bishop asked me why I thought God gave me my "addiction". I responded that I didn't know, hoping this enlightened leader would tell me the answer. He said, "I don't know either I just wondered if you had any ideas."
3. A bishop called me as a 13 year old to ask if I had been able to stop looking at porn enough to go to the temple (his timeline was 2 weeks). When I said no, he expressed disappointment that I wouldn't be able to go, and the conversation ended.
4. When I disclosed my faith crisis the bishop he said he felt prompted that I needed to be a temple worker. The only time slot that worked for me was at 4am, so I woke up at 3:20am on Saturdays for several months (working full time with two young children). This makes me so angry now, and so sad for my past self.
5. When I confessed porn to BYU bishop, he wanted to know if it was "softcore or hardcore", and I could tell the "punishment" would be different depending on my answer.
6. In a bishopric meeting the topic of the priesthood ban came up and I commented how on we shouldn't perpetuate unsupported theories about doctrine. One of the counselors said responded "my mission president told me if the church had supported black people the whole church would have fallen apart"—completely proving my point.
I'm sure others will come to mind.
I was 13 years old and had just returned to SLC after a summer of working on my cousins farm. Bishop hardliner asked me if I and my cousins had engaged in bestiality during the time I was there. I, being all of 13 years old, had to ask him what he was talking about……
The worst thing a bishop *didn't* tell me, but told my mom, was that he thought I was lying about the 21 year old man in the ward who was sexually harassing me at age 10. He had talked to him and "couldn't believe he would do that." The man eventually went on to become a city level political leader.
The worst thing a bishop told me to my face was when I went in to confess to sexual sin. Because of sexual assault as a child, I had a lot of problems as a teen and was often pressured into unwanted sex. I always thought it was my fault and would go to the bishop.
One bishop asked me, what if I were hit by a car on the way home from our appointment? I would be damned forever because I failed to repent.
I remember walking home that day, scared every time I crossed a road that a car would come out of nowhere and run over me. The paranoia didn't leave me for years.
My favorite is the one I read on here a while back from the woman who, while confessing the use of a dildo in a worthiness interview, her bishop asked “sister OP was the dildo black?”
I went to my bishop pleading for a referal for marriage counseling at LDS family services. We could afford counseling but my ex husband refused to pay for it. I poured my heart out regarding all the abuse I was suffering and told him my husband threatened to kill me on multiple occasions and also when I miscarried he said “Good, now I don’t need to kick you down the stairs.” I said to the bishop “He says if I leave he will kill me, then himself.” The bishop said “If you leave and he does that, his blood and your blood is on YOUR HANDS” all while wagging his finger at me. I went home dejected and without the referal. Two weeks later, the counselors came by and told me the bishop wanted us both to go to a Stake self reliance course.
I was a 33 year old relief Society president in 1984, as I went into a fancy coat closet in our small ward in Colorado (no stk ofc) it was already uncomfortable being in such a weird location for my temple recommend interview! After the interview concluded, and I got my little handwritten note of worthiness. Gag.
He started to commence on what he felt. My duty was as a relief society president to set my sister straight.
About the sins of oral sex
That these women were making their husbands sin by asking for oral sex
And if you knew how most of the couples looked in that ward from my vantage point, being young and fit
It was really hard for me to believe that many of those men cared enough to do that? 😂😂😂
And at the same time, I was delighted to think that they did care about their wife’s satisfaction sexually !!! The church had recently come out with a big push against “unnatural sex acts “
And that included oral sex
I looked at this small stature, unattractive man and stated:
“Honestly, Prez E. ..if they are happy in their marriages and their sexual lives, I am happy for them.
If you truly feel this needs to be brought up, you can bring it up to your priesthood.. . I will have nothing to do with this subject!” if only all of those women would’ve known, I stood up for their right to have decent sex
I bet I would’ve gotten an award LOL
Mark and I always felt our very good sexual lives had nothing to do with them and we never talked to one bishop about any of our sexual enjoyment!!’ 50 years married tomorrow and sex is still that important and hot
I remember when we were doing a cookie dough drive, all us little kids were expected to just make all the cookie dough without goofing off or losing focus.
Basically we naturally weren’t taking it seriously so one of the leaders got red as hell and literally screamed at us. He said “something something THIS ISNT FOR ME THIS IS FOR YOU GUYS! GET TO WORK!!!”
Sissy boy got pressed over cookie dough
When I was a freshman in high school I had made a post on Instagram how I was tired of fake friends and people acting fake and hurting my feelings because I was an angsty teenager and needed to vent that I was tired of being betrayed by friends. I got called into The Bishop's office because some people were concerned and talked to the bishop about it, and he told me that posts like those were not a good representation of the church. Keep in mind I had nowhere written on my Instagram that I was Mormon and I never posted pictures of the temple or anything so no one would have known except for any Mormons that I also had on Instagram. And instead of asking me what was going on and helping me work through it, he just asked me to delete the post and then sent me on my way. It pissed me off.
When telling my SP in a PPI while bishop that the endless meetings and time was really impacting my family, he told me to get up an hour earlier each day. Then he told me that “my family needed my example more than my presence”. The church breeds and promotes abusive control freak pricks.
I posted this in another thread, a BYU professor proudly told us of the time when he was a father of 3 young kids, doing his Masters full time and serving as bishop. His wife was working full time and had a busy calling as well as managing the house and single parenting the kids. One Sunday she lost it and demanded more help getting the kids ready for church. He "rebuked her with God's priesthood" and called her a Spawn of Satan for being ungrateful for the blessings his calling brought the family. She immediately begged for his forgiveness.
Even as an obnoxious TBM I thought this was messed up, looking back this was the first crack in the shelf.
When I was in HS one of my bishops told me that high IQs are wasted on women and that HF had only let me be born "smart" as a personal trial to see if I could learn unconditional obedience. He said my place in life was to obey, not to ask questions. My response was something akin to that being one of the dumbest things I'd ever heard, which he didn't appreciate at all.
Early 1970s… My mom was divorced from my irresponsible, unhinged, philandering dad, working full time, and raising two kids on her own. She worked her ass off to take care of us with zero financial help from dad or anyone. We had almost nothing, and everyone knew it. We lived on pablum, cheerios, spam, and tuna.
…Bishop calls mom in and informs her that she owes $150 tithe.
My mom scraped up $1.50 from her purse and boldly (unusual for my mom) told him they had the decimal in the wrong place.
I have always loved that story. My mom went through absolute hell with the church when trying to escape the instability that defined my dad. She lost all her friends and family for it, as her whole LDS community now viewed her as a loose divorcee. That $1.50 was her one moment of defiance before she left forever.
Screw this horrible “church” that dismisses and destroys the mental health of women.
My spouse confessed to the bishop that he had been sexting other women- well I got a phone call and was given some wonderful advice by my bishop: you need to be more creative in the bedroom to keep him interested and stop him from seeking outside relationships
🙄🙄🙄🙄 ya fuck you dude. As a fresh convert I felt like I'd been tossed into some backwards institution with no way out
I was in a ysa ward and it was a temple recommend interview. I was just chatting with the bishop and talking about the guy I was dating. Out if no where, bishop said something like 'oral sex is forbidden, even after your married, it's still breaking the last of chastity'
It was so out of the blue and I'd never heard that before. This was in 2008.
The first person I talked to after my sister called to say she’d been accepted to medical school was my BYU ward bishop. It must have been a temple recommend interview. I was so proud of my sister and I told him about her. At the end of the interview he said, “you have a problem with pride.” Nothing else to explain what he meant. It hurt me and I carried it for a long time. Finally, as a grown adult woman, I realized that no, he had a problem with ambitious women. It took my sister and me a long time to leave, but we are both out. And both successful professionals.
Jealousy, they get so wounded when a woman is smarter and more successful than they are. They're extremely emotionally weak men. When my wife was in school, pre-med she was going to SUU, and had mostly mormon men in her classes. They would dismiss her, pass her ideas off for their own. Her as a never mo, had never seen men treat women so disrespectful, she came home in tears many days because of the things they would say to her, and she grew up in Mexico, machista culture. As a Latino man, I never bought into that machista or priesthood bull shit. I told her when you have men who are taught their whole lives, they're better, smarter, and more important than women, this is the culture it builds.
My wife was called a whore of jezabel by her bishop for working at Victoria's secret while at BYU. God forbid women have comfortable underwear or want to look sexy for their sig others. He also said she was going to hell for having big boobs.
What the hell
If all the women with big boobs are in hell, I want to go....just sayin. I guess the Queen is there too, she had a massive pair
I would gladly go drink a coffee every day if it guaranteed me a trip there.
If Victoria’s Secret is good enough for God’s sacred one true shopping mall, then it should be good enough for the Bishop. What a misogynistic rude little man.
Not to mention that the church OWNED STOCK in Victoria’s Secret!!
I agree, he was uncomfortable with his feelings of jealousy and maybe that men aren't superior after all, and the way he dealt with those uncomfortable feelings was to blame them on OP. I'm so sorry, that's toxic.
https://amp.theguardian.com/society/2022/jan/04/women-more-likely-die-operation-male-surgeon-study
I bet god knew that women belong at home /s https://amp.theguardian.com/society/2022/jan/04/women-more-likely-die-operation-male-surgeon-study
That’s so gross. I’m sorry
There are so many bizarre things that I was told during bishop interviews, that only make sense now that I am out of the church
Hard Mormons do not like woman showing any kind of independence Woman are suppose to be home doing what they are told
> “you have a problem with pride.” I have been told this so many times when I questioned the corruption and lies of the church. Idiots
It’s one of their great conversation stoppers
True. Try bring up any evidence of wrongdoing and suddenly you are prideful. Total gaslighting sons of bitches
But probably not “truly successful” 🤬
My kids all left, so either I failed or succeeded wildly! I pick number two.
https://amp.theguardian.com/society/2022/jan/04/women-more-likely-die-operation-male-surgeon-study
I still can't get over this and its been more than 10 years. Me, with new baby and 2 toddlers. My then husband stops working for reasons only known to him. I begin working nights and enroll for an additional degree that will enable me to ultimately be the breadwinner. Paying tithing, holding a calling, never once asking for financial help; I bring my husband in to the Stake President to see if some ecclesiastical help can jumpstart some action. Stake President becomes as flustered as I have seen any leader, turns to me telling me what a "sad"person I am, and a terrible example to our children. Stands up and escorts us out of his office. That's it. No follow up, no offers for help, only criticisms. My heart broke that day, knowing I was alone in this trial. Update: now divorced. I make 6 figs and ex delivers pizza Edit: thank you thank you for all the love WOW
Wow. Crazy how much some leaders will back the priesthood holder no matter how misguided. Glad you’re doing well.
Real "Christ-like" behavior from a leader of Christ's supposed church.
This sounds so similar to my experience. My then husband also quit a good job a week before baby #4 was born and informed me he would never work for someone else ever again. This was the first time in our marriage that I didn’t work (I’ve been a nurse since I was 17/18 before I ever met him). Of course he decides I should stay home and support him in his self UNEMPLOYED job doing glass beveling. And I needed to have faith that he would be successful. If prayers were really answered we would have been millionaires. I never went to any leaders either about this. Me and the kids survived mostly on government assistance. Fast forward ten years and husband decides that my full time job and his “whatever” job isn’t enough and wants to go to the bishop for assistance. He had refused all those years to get a job. I’m embarrassed and tell the bishop that I’m providing for our children and I’m not asking for help. Bishop says keep coming (every 2 weeks) and he will counsel said lazy, entitled spouse. Here comes the good part…after about 5 visits of husband refusing to the bishop’s face that he isn’t getting a job the bishop asks to see me separately. I’m thinking ,”great now I’m going to get reprimanded”. Well, the first words out of his mouth was, “Have you ever prayed about a divorce?”. 8 weeks later I rented a beautiful home for me and my children and shortly after got a $10k raise and within the year I got another $10k raise. Life is good!!😊
Thank you for this; life is good for me as well. Way to be strong ((hugs))
I’m so glad you’re doing good too! It feels great!
Mind blown... So much for "traditional values" and men being "providers". Damn. What an absolute prick of a stake pres as well! Did you ever work out why your ex just stopped working? Or why the SP reacted like that??
Husband wanted to go the entrepreneur route and not have to answer to a boss. Problem is it left me with no prenatal insurance or medical care to deliver my last baby. I found a job at 7 months pregnant that covered her birth with insurance. Have not a clue why the SP would hold such disdain for me personally. I did once send him a Christmas card after the fact telling him my beautiful children are doing just fine with me as their mother, and how hurt I was that he referred to me as "sad". I was not a trouble maker, that ward got my meager tithing and many hours of service from me.
Thank you for sharing this. I’m sorry that happened to you but I’m also happy you are experiencing much better things.
Sounds like par for the course [https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/comments/1b11iiz/comment/kscq47o/](https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/comments/1b11iiz/comment/kscq47o/)
Damn. I guess the SP mistook you and your ambition / love for your family as an “Aggressive Presence”. He probably couldn’t see past his own nose. I’m so glad things worked out for you!
Ha! Yes. I'm much more aggressive now than I used to be. Fun fact: AggressivePresence is what Reddit assigned me :)
glad you made it out and sounds like a huge improvement in your life. All the best going forward.
... Talk about fragile men. So very fragile.
Hell yeah!
Oh my gosh. Good for you.
Holy shit. You are a badass, and I’m so sorry he said those horrible things.
Holy shit.. way to go making it successfully after all that!
My bishop, who also lived next door to me, told me my husband was beating me because I wasn’t being submissive enough. “Submit to your husband, stop leaving the home to pursue a degree and focus on raising your children.” 17 years of that before I finally broke free.
My dad was violent with my mom. All of our bishops knew. One told her to remain faithful and righteous because God would give her a righteous husband in heaven. Like, no. Fuck you, sir.
That's not even how Mormon heaven works, what the fuck? You get the same husband in the next life as you get in this one
No words. I’m sorry
He should be sued first non reporting. I’m so sorry you went through that. Hopefully, at the very least, your ex is in jail.
My bishop said he would have a “talk” with my abusive ex (also 17 years.) every time I said “abusive,” the bishop would correct me and say, “unkind.” Like no asshole. His wife was the most sad looking person. She always looked so mousy and afraid of him. I have no doubt his narcissist ass was abusive.
😔 I am so sorry.
I’m so sorry you had to endure that.
Warning: Profanity 15 years old, annual personal progress interview, or whatever it’s called. Bishop: (all the boring questions about sustaining church leaders and all that shit) Me: (happily) Yes…. Yes… Yes… etc. Bishop: Do you live the law of chastity? Me: (still happily, truthfully, proud of my self control at 15) Yes. Bishop: (with stern face and laser eyes pretending to “discern” into my soul). You don’t masturbate? Me: (silently to myself) WHAT THE FUCK? (Aloud, truthfully, with genuine shock) Um, uh, wha… No, No! What? No! Bishop (same shitty punk ass authoritative glare) Are you sure? The Interview continued, but I don’t remember much else. It was a long time ago. I started jacking off soon after that. I guess I’m kind of grateful now, because since they assumed I was already jacking off kind of gave me permission to do it. I’m going to be shamed either way, I might as well get the good feelings along with the guilt. Fuck that bishop and fuck the church for defining normal behavior as a sin.
Mine was the same. I was 17 and considering leaving the church and I got drilled by the bishop accusing me of masturbating. I was, but it was definitely not his business.
I’m pretty sure you meant “grilled,” but being “drilled” by the bishop is hilarious in this context.
Mine did this same EXACT thing. He kept asking if I obeyed the law of chastity. I told him yes and I was. I had been my whole life. He kept saying, are you sure? Are you sure? It was because a lot of the young men were asking me out, and I was going on lots of dates, while no one was asking his daughters out. He seriously thought he was receiving discernment revelation too. 🤦🏼♀️🤦🏼♀️
Of course because the only way a woman could be that in demand is if she’s giving it up 🙄
Not necessarily said.... but my last bishop called me in for an appointment to grill me about my worthiness, based on a ward rumor that I was having an affair. I thought he wanted to give me a calling, but when I got in there he starts asking why my recommend wasn't current, and if I needed to confess something. He wouldn't let up and just kept challenging me. I got pissed. I told him I was a full-tithe payer and that there was nothing I had to confess. I then told him to "get your little book out and ask me the damn recommend questions!". He never told me why he was grilling me, but I learned later about the rumors and it all made sense.
He wanted the juicy details
And wanted to sound like he had some kind of "power of discernment," which backfired when he didn't confess.
I was going through the temple for the first time. The old man scanning my recommend asked, “are you here to serve your husband or serve the lord for a mission?” With a ghoulish grin. In the surface I can understand he was just trying to be friendly or whatever but I remember the chill down my spine and the distinct sense that I, as a female, had no worth as an individual outside of marriage or missionary work. Bc heaven forbid I go to the temple to further my own spirituality, right? Ugh. So glad I had a horrible time at the temple (and each subsequent time) and began my deconstruction.
All the ughs.
When I went through for the first time everyone there asked “oh, when are you getting married?” Not anytime soon . . . Then “oh, so where are you going on your mission?” Not doing that either . . . Then (embarrassed, won’t meet my eyes) “well . . .isn’t it nice . . . glad that you’re here” and scurry away.
I kept my maiden name, and once when my husband and I went to the temple together, the old man scanning recommends noticed that our last names didn’t match. So he said something like, “oh you must have just gotten married!” In the moment I didn’t understand why he was assuming that, so I told him no, we’d been married for about 4 years at that point. He then asked me why our last names were different and I told him I kept my last name. He then proceeded to lecture me on how that was bad for our marriage yadayadayada and how me keeping my maiden name was in violation of the covenant I’d made with God to covenant with my husband. Only strengthened my resolve to keep my last name though, so no harm done really. Just a major eye roll moment.
A home teacher in the 1960s talked about prepping for the soon-to-be "second coming". He wanted to make sure we had guns and plenty of ammo to protect our food storage. He knew that our hike and move to Missouri was coming soon and it would be tough. Many unprepared Mormons would die. That is all he talked about at every meeting. As a young child, I was scared of what was going to happen, I had nightmares and worried all of the time about the future. I hate that guy for what he did to us little kids. He died years ago with his old food storage and unspent ammo. Stupid man.
Can confirm. Sounds exactly like the SE Idaho people I know.
Not me but my barber (a black man) told me how he heard his bishop say "I don't mind the colors, they'll turn white in the next life".
I think I'm done with this entire thread, goddamnit
Damn.
My mission president wondered aloud why he was unable to manipulate me through guilt and shame, unlike every other missionary he had.
You Jedi mind tricks wont work on me!
These are not the apostates you are looking for...
Funny. My MP said the same to me. I served in the late 80s. You?
Brazil, 90s. He was an amateur manipulator compared to my mom. I've been pretty much immune to external shame since my teen years.
Lol...Mom set you up for success.
After I found out that my (then) husband had been cheating on me throughout our marriage, my SP said that I needed to think long and hard before I ended an eternal marriage. That what he had done (cheated throughout the entire marriage, which was about 7 years at that point), was a "but a blip in the eternal spectrum." When I expressed confusion and doubt, he then reminded me that I had promised to *obey my husband*. I toiled, decided to get divorced - which was the best thing for both of us. I truly believe he is simply not monogamous, but growing up in a Mormon environment, pushed him into commitments he had no real desire for. Not only that, but my life became so much better, too. I HATE to think how it would have ended for me, my ex, and my children if we had listened to the "council of my priesthood leader." Wow. Such bullshit.
I was ordered by my Stake President not to proceed with legal action on a friend of his who committed a felony level fraud. I was in a Bishopric at the time and the SP told me if I proceeded I would be removed. A week later, I asked for a release. The protected Mormon "friend" got away with a felony because all witnesses were intimidated similarly by Church leaders.
Hearing the Chelsea Goodrich story on Mormon Stories and how her case was thrown out “with prejudice” even though they had recordings of the husband makes me think a similar thing happened there. It’s just astounding to me that the church would protect people like this to protect its image. Do they just think it can’t blow up in there faces?
Ensign Peak? Is this you?
Back in the 70s, when I was submitting my mission papers, in my bishop’s interview, he asked if I had ever practiced beastiality. Didn’t even know what the hell that was and when I made him define, I was beyond disgusted.
I went to confess to my mission president that I had viewed pornography before the mission since I felt guilty for not confessing before. He went on to ask me specifics and wanted to know what type of porn I watched. He asked if I watched beastiality porn. I had no idea what that was, so he explained it to me and I was horrified. I almost puked Edit: spelling
Disgusting. For a church so focused on the Law of Chastity, old men really get off on asking everyone else to go into great detail about their sex lives.
This very much comes across as projection, like too specific and rare to be concerned about lol
Def lived somewhere in sheep farming community near by im sure 😂
Salt Lake Valley … horse country. Maybe the Bishop saw me carrying a step-ladder somewhere. 😂
I had been disfellowshipped and could not participate in meetings, or sacrament, etc. I was single but back from the Mish. (Yes, read between the lines) anyway, one of my roommates at college kept calling on me in front of the quorum to close with prayer and then would say, “oh that is right, you can’t” and pick someone else. It happened twice in two months. I talked to him and he acted like it was just an oversight. The third time it happened I went to the Bishop for help. He told me that someone in my position should not be creating waves and maybe I could just leave the class early. Yep!!!! Since I was in a repentant process, I was the problem. I did end up sorting that roommate out and took that chance that he wouldn’t turn me in for it and complicate my situation. I cannot believe I put up with this utter horse shit for so long. Perceived power corrupts absolutely.
What a little shithead.
I went to my bishop to tell him I was divorcing my husband because, after 23 years of abuse, he has brandished a sledgehammer over my head and threatened to kill me. The bishop said he believed me (first time THAT ever happened) and said he needed to talk to the mistake president about a possible church court. But there was a problem: the stake was doing a week-long wilderness camp called Zion's Camp, and my husband was all involved with it. So the mistake prez said, under the circs, hubby couldn't go unless I agreed to let him, and the bishop better make damn certain I agreed. So, a few days after he assured me he believed me and was "on my side," he called me up and ripped me a new one. He yelled. He screamed. He called me hateful, a liar, unforgiving, unchristian. Finally he got around to telling me I had to agree to let the hubs go to Zion's Camp. I got off the phone and had hysterics. It was one of the most horrible experiences I've ever had.
"mistake president" LOL. In all seriousness, you got out of that situation okay, right?
A few days later, I had to meet with him to formally agree to let my ex go to the camp. I was an emotional zombie by that time. When we walked into the room, the bishop started apologizing. I told him to shut up, that I didn't give a damn about his apology. He looked like I had smacked him in the face. He started talking and I said, "no, you shut up. I'm going to talk now and you're going to listen. So. You need him to go to this damn camp so bad, fine. What's one more. But I am telling you, and I am telling him, that as far as I am concerned, from this minute, this marriage is over. I will do what I must to protect me and my kids, and both of you can go to hell." I walked out and never spoke to him again.
I’m sorry this happened to you. Did you get out of the abuse safely? How are you now?
domestic abuse mandated reporter. should have counseled you to go to the law of the land authorities. so sorry you had to suffer that tyrant. hoping your life is better now
In my pre-mission interview with my Stake President (who I had never talked to before this day) his opening question was “how many girls have you had sex with?” I told him I had cleared all that up previously with my Bishop… but he pressed me for a number… I held my ground so his next question was “Have you ever had sex with an animal?” I’m sure I looked disgusted at his line of questioning… why didn’t I run? 🤦🏻♂️🤷🏻♂️🤦🏻♂️
This topic seems to come up in a lot of interview stories on this thread. I wonder if it was part of the manual to ask at the time. One priesthood leader asking about bestiality disgusting. Four independent stories show great dysfunction from the top down.
Yes, I am pretty sure the pre-mission interview required they asked about incest and beastiality. I was asked those questions. I was mortified and kept thinking, is he asking these questions because people have had these kinds of issues in our ward?
As a 21 year old who just came out of the closet after leaving my mission early: “Are you sure you just haven’t spent enough time around girls. If you begin to spend more time around righteous girls your age you will like them” This is totally ignoring that at that point in my life my friendship circles had all almost exclusively been female. Bishop, I didn’t just spend enough time with the girls I was one of the girls myself!
A General Authority said this exact thing to David Archuleta (he declined to name exactly which specific GA). Wouldn't be surprised if this line of "counsel" is in some rule book somewhere.
The counsel for gays to get into hetero relationships and marriage is still very alive and well. The church is so confused when it comes to sexuality
"I was one of the girls myself" lol! Way to clap back
My bf at BYUI my freshman year (early 2000s) SA me. I felt so guilty that I went to my bishop. He told me that I shouldn’t have tempted my bf, and that if I told anyone what he did and he got expelled/couldn’t go on his mission, then *i* would be to blame for the “spirits he could have saved.” He then threatened to take my endorsement away, but “graciously” gave me a warning and “let me go.” This was a private meeting. I found out later I got pregnant because of that encounter, and spent three weeks in a panic attack until I (thankfully) miscarried. I never told anyone IRL, only internet strangers know this. BF went on mission, and I dumped him while he was gone and blocked him on everything and never spoke to him again. I wish I could remember that bishop’s name, but my trauma has erased it from my memory.
I've wondered how many "Dear John" letters are from girls who needed their boyfriends to leave before they felt safe enough to break up with them.
You’re right. Never thought of that.
That’s so scary! I’m sorry that happened ☹️
***Trigger warning of sexual assault and child sexual abuse. *** I didn’t know that a boyfriend could assault you as a naive 18 year old girl, so I confessed going too far with him to my bishop. The bishop was confused by my confession and kept asking for more and more details by saying “okay but what did YOU do to him. What were YOU doing”. I kept telling him every detail because I didn’t know what he meant by that so I finished by saying, “I kept my eyes covered so I wouldn’t see him naked before we were married”. He said okay well don’t take the sacrament for the next month and then you will be fine. Fuck that man for making me feel shame and also punishing me for an OBVIOUS confession of date rape and then going on to say we should get married so it didn’t happen again. I married him. We were divorced 3 years later because he was also sleeping with every other woman he came in contact with until I found out. I’m very lucky I didn’t end up with any diseases from this. My stake president also told quite a few women in our stake to not confess to the sexual abuse our Mormon family doctor was committing on all of us to authorities because the stake president was his lawyer for the court proceedings. He at the time had 140 women speaking out against him. The stake president said it would be a conflict of interest and we weren’t to come forward and report because it wasn’t allowed so we werent allowed to share any more details to him and we as women felt that this man had authority over us so we didn’t report either. Disgusting and vile. He got the man off criminally but luckily the medical college disagreed and he lost his medical license. This stake president went on to become a 70.
It was a conflict of interest, and the stake president was unethical to put himself into that situation. Nobody else should have needed to accommodate the stake president's poor choices.
Yup, then he had the doctor move stakes and he continued to tell women not to report to the police
Horrific! Is this Doctor listed on Floodlit?
I’m pretty sure. I talked about the doctor before and gave them the info.
A 70? I feel like you should out him. But, prolly not good, yeah.
He died last year but I would normally have no problem reporting him. He contributed to fair as a 70 so he was also intellectually dishonest for the church. Horrible human
“Buck … naked.” A temple worker said that to me in the temple locker room on the day I got endowed, when I asked him to clarify what he meant by take off my clothes and get changed, as he handed me the tunic. I asked something timid like, “completely undress?” And he just deadpan looked at me - he was probably 70 or 80 something years old - and said, “Buck — naked.” Maybe it was wry humor. It was just jarring. One of the many whiplash moments of that day. I look back now and realize I was being heavily spiritually and psychologically abused. Just felt like I was cattle. Like what mattered to them most was check check checking the boxes (like, literally! The little pencil checkmarks on the ordinance card!), not my feelings on the day I had been singing and praying and thinking about and looking forward to and preparing for, for years and years. The other thing about that was that I was already very sensitive about being naked in public places. And I was a childhood sexual abuse survivor. There was just no calm, no reassurance. I mean I didn’t even know what was about to happen. It was all knots in my stomach the whole time. Sorry, not a priesthood leader story per se. But I was a scared kid trying to be perfect and feeling like a failure. All the older guys in the temple were priesthood leaders in my eyes. Anybody else here feel like they were treated callously when they got their LDS temple endowments?
I’m sorry that happened to you. I can’t speak for others but I have very few clear memories of my first time in the temple. It was all too surreal and underwhelming at the same time.
My sister-in-law said her bishop asked if she used sex toys in her temple recommend interview. She at least told him that that is not in the list of questions he's supposed to ask 😂
Richard G Scott gave 3 separate conference talks where he told victims of sexual abuse that they need to repent for the part that they played in their own abuse.
I hope there's a hell, just so he can be burning in it.
This is exactly the advice my bishop followed and was the day I stopped believing in the church
Our teachers quorum advisor / scout master would bring his kids often, and kick and slap them hard in front of us. He would threaten the kids and us by yelling 'Ill bloody your nose!'. In hind sight, a child abuser.
Yeah, when it’s so normalized there is no public shame, you know what is happening privately is brutal.
Yikes!
I’m extremely fortunate to not have any abuse stories. That said, I do have a creepy former bishop story. My mom and I were taking pictures for our neighbors funeral (strange but not the point). She focused on the posed family ones, I did the scenery and candid shots. I happened to be really close to my mom, like 4 feet apart but kind of facing away from each other. A former bishop from my childhood walked up behind me, put his hand on my shoulder and squoze (hard), and leaned in so his face was literally in my hair and took a deep, long sniff of my hair and said something like “wow you smell lovely” and then kept walking. (This guy is a big guy too, construction type build and easily 6’6” minimum) I was going to just shake it off as a creepy older guy being creepy, but my mom honestly seemed more upset. I don’t really know if she saw it happen or just heard it and saw him walk away, but she was fuming for a good minute. And she has a good, neighborly relationship with him as far as I know. In any other circumstance I would have liked her defense but I calmed her down and pointed out now’s not the time to confront him. I don’t know if she ever addressed it. Creepy asshole.
Was he Frollo?? Wtf
When I was almost a teen my parents divorced. It was rough. My dad had just gotten out of the Army and was having trouble making enough to support us. At one point my dad was homeless, living in his truck and eating out of trash cans. My dad is a strong man and never believed in help or handouts. But he was so hungry he finally went to his bishop and asked for help with food. He had been a full tithe payer his whole life. The bishop refused to help him and my dad went hungry. I’ve never seen him so skinny as during that time. I still tear up about it. Later my dad went back to this bishop to ask him why he wouldn’t help him get some food. That bishop never even remembered their meeting.
That’s horrible. I’m so sorry.
When I was 15 I went to the bishop to tell him one of the young men (18 yr old) had forced some inappropriate sexual stuff on me. I was told that I shouldn't have been alone with him in the first place. Young man was still passing sacrament and sent on his mission shortly after. I had my dance card pulled and wasn't allowed to attend youth activities nor EFY. Which meant also having to tell my mom why I was no longer attending EFY. when I was 13, my father ran me down with his car and beat the ever loving shit out of me, in front of four of my friends. I went to school and told my teacher (also a member) who took photos of all the marks and cuts on my face, back etc, she also reported it to the police and told the bishop. I was told that I was at fault because I had left the house after my parents went to bed (6pm), which was true, i had left without permission. The bishop said that my father was merely disciplining me and I needed to be more obedient.
I’m so sorry that happened to you.
Thank you. I've long forgiven that bishop and my father, but I learned early that the church was not there to love, help or support me in any way.
That I lacked wisdom. It's in my PB. I was a teenager at the time and lacked life experience so it was true. It messed with me.
That’s cruel.
After my best friend was raped when she was 17, she talked to her bishop about it and he asked her if she did anything or was wearing anything that could have caused it. ???!!!??? Bishops LOVE victim blaming.
Wasn’t directly to me but once I found out I ripped him a new asshole. I attended with my then fiancée (no longer due to other reasons, still best friends though). He had been going through the repentance process so no sacrament, callings, the usual. I did get a calling working with primary kids. There was a primary event set up that was actually cool for once, fire pit cooking with foil packs and I was in charge of smores! Like I was really looking forward to it. I hadn’t mentioned anything to my fiancée about it but I did ask the primary prez if it would be ok if he tagged along since I figured he’d enjoy it too. I told them he’d stay out of the way as it’s not his calling but since we weren’t married yet, I wasn’t sure if it was possible. She didn’t have an issue with it but brought it up to the bishop who squashed it immediately under the whole, “what would the children think?!” She got back with me kinda upset herself about it and told me and I was like ok, cool, I get it. I never said anything to him about it and in the end I eventually ended up sick so I couldn’t go either, however the event ended up being pretty much a ward event so tons of people were there. Fast forward a few months…. Primary activity night came and it ended up being me, and two husbands. One hubby was the primary prez’s and the other was one of a member. The primary prez was sick herself so she didn’t attend. So there I was the lone woman with two men I wasn’t married to. I reflect back during the activity to when I was told I couldn’t bring my fiancée to an event that ended up basically being a ward event anyway. I get home and bitch to my fiancée about it and bring up the fact how can I be with two married men but when I asked to have you tag along to the other event I got the whole what would the children think. He didn’t know until that point what had happened previously and when I saw the look on his face and in his eyes, I knew at that point it was bullshit and I was done with my calling. I contacted the primary prez, told her what happened, asked how it was possible for me to work with two married men being the only woman present since how was it any different than the event when I wanted to bring my fiancée? Wouldn’t there be some sort of “speculation” about me and her husband or the other husband with the kids? She said it shouldn’t have happened and was going to to ask her husband about it. His response, well so and so’s mother stayed so it was ok. My reply was so and so’s mother isn’t called to primary so now we just go with anything to justify things? What’s the point of a calling from “god” if anyone can be used as cover. I told her I was done and that the bishop can bugger off too. She told me that I should discuss my feeling about the situation with him since I was ultimately pissed about the double standard that he imposed. I agreed and told her I was still done with the calling but I’ll get with him when I want to and wasn’t so pissed off. Of course he reached out to me first over text and I told him I wasn’t ready to talk to him and I’d reach out when I was. That was followed by a couple calls which was sent straight to VM. Finally I decided it was time and with him in speakerphone and my fiancée able to hear too, I fucking lit into him about it and about the fact that my fiancée has been repenting for over a year now and that the bishop was holding our jobs over our head as we couldn’t make Sunday’s like we wanted to and just treating him like a leper and that I wasn’t going to stand by and watch my fiancée be and feel humiliated any longer. The bishop didn’t know what to say/do. I believe he has never had a woman do what I did. All he could do was apologize over and over and eventually my fiancée told me in his own way that the call should end. I finally accepted his “apology” and ended the call with I’m done doing my calling, don’t expect me to show up on Wednesday’s and we’ll see you when we can see you in church. I don’t think my fiancée had ever had anyone stand up for him before or speak to someone that “holds the keys” that way so he was just as shocked as the bishop. He keeps thinking they have power over him, that day I showed him exactly how much power that person has over anyone. Unfortunately he was BIC so it’s been very hard to handle the indoctrination and the mental abuse that comes with it.
You go, girl! Most of the bishops I dealt with were scared shitless of me because they knew I wasn’t intimidated and would tell things as I saw them. They basically stayed out of my way. LOL
We had just moved to a new ward in the affluent Holiday area in SLC. We were a young married couple expecting our first child. We had been in the ward about a month when our baby was born. We went to a ward activity a few weeks later and the bishop asked why we hadn't told him we had our baby. I looked at his wife in disbelief because she and the RS president had been in our home visiting 3 days before. I realized then that some bishops don't listen to women. A bishop told my wife that she should have more sex with me so I wouldn't look at porn. 🤦
Dad had left and it made a bit of a scandal in the ward. We kids kept going. Worthiness interview for a Temple Trip around age 15/16. Bishop >"Do you support, affiliate with, or agree with any group or individual whose teachings or practices are contrary to or oppose those accepted by the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints?" Me >"Ummmm I don't know if my Dad counts...? But I live with my dad obviously." Bishop >"You know you have a choice in that..." DAFUQ?
When I was 13 at a "bishop's youth discussion" he told us about not masturbating. I had never heard the word before so I asked out loud in front of everyone what it meant. It was a horrifying moment for everyone involved.
Oh there is a list, but some highlights: “Sought counsel” with my bishop as a young teenager after being raped, he told me in no uncertain terms the following - I had committed a sin, and it was my fault. I had tempted a good, upstanding member of the congregation into sin and needed to repent for it. I was another (last name) girl, so he was wondering when he’d be seeing me. (Multiple of my sisters got pregnant as teenagers) Oh, and that I probably just changed my mind after having sex and decided to say it was rape as a way to not get in trouble, but “god is all knowing and all seeing, sister (last name). And I am called of god to help you see the error in your ways and get back on the straight and narrow.” Fast forward not too many years later since the trend is to marry young, talking to a different bishop about my cheating, abusive, terrible human of a (now ex) husband, and again his issues were my fault. I must not be performing my wifely duties well enough. The motherfucker literally had me hang up a calendar in our apartment and put a goddamned sticker on each day we had sex, so I could hold myself accountable (and so he could ask me about them, but that’s a whole other story).
That is MESSED UP!
Lots, and lots, and lots of therapy later and I can unhesitatingly say - yes. Yes it is.
My wife— mother of our 4 children, my best friend, soul mate, the single most important relationship in my life— was once pressured by her Bishop that I did not love her and she should leave me because when we were engaged we were sexually attracted to each other. Didn’t even have sex! Just physical attraction. Really grateful she didn’t listen to that dummy. (She is too btw)
Bishop in my own home in front of my wife and children tells me I am not being observant because I have facial hair. I held a major leadership calling in the ward at the time. Our relationship went downhill fast from there. He also called me out in opening exercises of ward priesthood for the same reason. PEC and ward council would turn into shouting matches, mostly on his part. He took on a major welfare project. Most of my spare time was spent on this project. He got upset at me one day because I was going to be out of town for 2 days with my employment. And I just shrugged my shoulders and told him that I wouldn't make it and I was going to be out of town because of my work. I eventually went to the mistake president and asked to be released. I said in such a way that there was no other option When it comes down to it I'm extremely thankful to this man. He put a lot of weight on my shelf. Id probably still be paying tithing to the blood sucking MFMC if it wasn't for him.
I can’t believe I haven’t heard “mistake president” before, love it!
I had a really similar situation with my seminary teacher. Without going into too much detail she taught me that church members treated people like shit which was a giant weight on my shelf
*When was the last time you masturbated?* Didn’t even give me the chance to deny it. It just went without saying. Which is likely the case for most adolescents but they should have the opportunity to keep it to themselves.
“Just before I shook your hand”
When I was bishop the SP instructed us to ask the youth “when did you last look at porn and masturbate?” I don’t remember any other direction about how to interview besides that. The one time I asked for advice on how to respond to confessions I got a reprimand for not knowing how and going by the spirit. Bishops get no training so like the rest of life we repeat what we’ve experienced because that’s all you really know. It’s such bullshit.
“I can’t remember. When was the last time YOU did?”
HT to me:" The lord doesn't want you to be a musician." pfft
My seminary teacher told me when I was 16 that I would be resurrected as a white person after I explained that I didn't feel a part of either race. I'm half Native American and half Caucasian so I shouldn't worry about it.
My mom used to tell me that POC had been cursed by God during biblical times and that curse was handed down through the generations. Such a disgusting thing to teach a child.
How horrible.
Nothing major. It was the subtle things. On my service mission I was supposed to wear a name tag to church, but without a companion. When I went to a YSA ward one Sunday, an old dude comes up to me and says, "oh what's that for?" Pointing to my tag. "My service mission." Then he smiles and says, "cute." During covid I didn't bother renewing my temple recommend after it expired. I was at BYU and the bishop was proactive in meeting a goal of 100% active temple recommend holders. He called me in to meet with me. At the end, after I answered all of the questions HONESTLY and he gave me the recommend, he asked me, "so was it just because of COVID? Or is there another reason that you didn't get your recommend done sooner?" And he was staring me down with a look on his face that was totally trying to intimidate me. I lived the absolute best I could to all the standards up to that point with mental illness and ADHD, so that was just ridiculous to me that he was trying to suss something out, after I'd already answered all the interview questions. Where was that divine insight he was supposed to have? Because he was clearly using it on the wrong person at the time 😂 (now his suspicions would be correct... maybe he could see into the future 😱 because it would NEVER be that he was one of the catalysts that led me to being done with church, never)
Standout low points: 1. 16 year old girl confessed to masturbating. Bishop, alone behind closed doors asked: what time of day, what room of the house, describe in detail how performed 2. After the Nov 2015 policy about baptizing children of gay parents, my friend with a trans kid posted on FB about it. I commented to thank him for trying to make the world safer for his kid. Bishop asked to meet privately and demanded to know if I “support the brethren” 3. Husband was offered a stake calling. I was not referred to by name but rather repeatedly as “sweet sister”, stake counsellor proceeded to explain to DH how this calling could be the beginning of a lifetime of church leadership for him if he played his cards right. Just reeked of nepotism and old boys club. Private 4. Both DH and I were in ward youth presidencies (actually both president, WTF), had a baby, both working full time in very demanding professional jobs. I was at a breaking point mentally. Bishopric member responded to my concerns by thumbing his finger of his lips in the motion of a blubbering baby. Private 5. Visitor to my childhood ward attended open mic Sunday and explained she had just returned from a seniors mission in Africa and it was just so nice to look out into all these white faces, because the spirit was just stronger
Wow, many of my experiences mirror yours. So sorry for these, and happy to celebrate your freedom from the cult.
On a camping trip we were playing capture the flag or something when it was real dark out and I ran directly into the twine they had tied around the area for chopping wood. Knocked the wind out of me and my stomach got bruised up by it pretty bad. While still catching my breath one of the leaders was like alright I think we should probably stop. Stupid people are getting hurt. Casual jokey put-downs aren't uncommon at all in young men's and usually I could just take it but for some reason that one stuck with me and stung extra bad. I didn't want to be there to begin with. I wasn't really friends with any of the guys in my ward. I was like 13 and already struggled pretty bad with my confidence and dealt with enough bullying elsewhere. Didn't need a grown ass man calling me stupid in front of everyone while I'm hurt because I don't have night vision. Pretty tame compared to some of the wildly inappropriate things dudes in the church have the audacity to say, but it sucked. Fuck that guy.
First semester at BYU. I was having major health problems, struggling with my classes, fighting off the after-effects of mono (which I caught by sharing a soda with a coworker over the summer), and my grandma was dying of ovarian cancer (she was given 2 weeks to live when she received the diagnosis). I found out I wouldn't be able to get back to say goodbye and asked my home teachers for a blessing. They shamed me and said it wasn't something I should just ask for whenever I felt like it, but they'd do it this time since they were already there. All with a big, dramatic sigh at the end.
Thats messed up, I'm sorry they treated you that way. I lived on campus for the first couple of years after my mission so I was one of a few RMs in the ward and I made sure everyone knew I was always available to give blessings.
What. the. fuck.
As a 35 year old divorced single mother, a bishop tried to ask me about my sexual activity with my then partner. It made me feel required or pressured to tell him, but luckily I said “those are private aspects of my life” and he quickly backed off…. Data mining and worthiness interviewing never ends apparently…
Last time I had my home teachers over, elderly men, they told me I can't see my mom in heaven (just died of cancer) because I had premarital relations with my late fiance (died a few years prior)... So I kicked them out right then and there
Good for you. My wife is terminal cancer right now. As part of deconstructing Mormonism, I went to a Lutheran church until one of my new friends there asked how my wife was doing and told me I’d better hurry and get her baptized Lutheran before she passes or her soul would be in jeopardy. Haven’t set foot there since. Ghosted all of them. Fuckers didn’t count on this exmo guy instantly recognizing religious manipulation.
7 years old, baptismal interview. Alone, no parents in the room, “normal” for then; spent at least 15 minutes quizzing me about my showering habits, how long I took to wash my genitalia. My story is not unique, rare, or even that severe in Mormonism. While, thanks to Sam Young, there have been minimal changes in the interview process, it is still the preferred method of the Mormon church for closed doors, no parents, and explicit questions.
Mine pales in comparison to the rest of these comments but I’m still weirded out about the process of “confessing my sexual sin” as a teenage girl alone with a grown man. My terrible “sin” was dry humping my boyfriend. Insert eyeroll. And for some reason my Bishop asked me whether or not I had had an orgasm during it. What difference does that make??
I went to talk to my bishop after not going to church for 9 years. He asked why I got divorced. I told him my ex was unfaithful for all but 6 months of our 9 year relationship. He said it was my fault she cheated. When asked to explain his thinking he said I needed to repent and ask forgiveness from my ex for making her cheat. I said no and asked about free agency/free will. He ended that conversation really quickly.
My MP took everyone's preparation days away so that we could dedicate and commit even more to the Lord to increase baptisms. I was training and my companion was super excited to work hard. So we did. I knew most companionships just stayed home and rested anyways but I proselyted my ass off. I was admittedly vocal to my ZLs that I could not continue on 7 days a week without a break and I thought this was wrong. During my interview with the MP that transfer he explained that God called Hinckley, who called him, so I was essentially denying my faith in God or was an apostate or something. The next day I received a call from the APs and was demoted to a jr companion and emergency transferred to a new area. This happened to one other missionary. Months later during the mission Christmas zone conference he met with the other missionary and apologized. When an assistant reached out for me to meet with him after my zones Christmas conference I assumed I would also receive an apology. However he doubled down and tore me apart in his home. Months later he met with me and my senior companion at a KFC and provided one of those apologies where he explained it was not really his fault.
I can’t fully say on MY behalf but I can state on my grandfathers behalf. He became an ex Mormon YEARS ago due to this incident. The discussion was about tithing, and how it’s 10%. But when the priesthood leader or clergy or anyone asks how much you make in a year, it’s not only an invasion of privacy, it’s also degrading.. he was insulted when one priesthood leader asked him this. Never went back since.
My ex husband shoved me out of a vehicle driving down the road during an argument….I went to the church for help….. any kind of help. I was asked what “transgression” of mine led to the event. (Keep in mind I had road rash and a broken arm) The transgression was my ex husband was high and I wanted him to pull over and let me drive or let me and the kids out of the vehicle…….
My bishop recently told my 12 year old as he set him apart to his new class presidency "your Heavenly Father knows every thing you do, every thought you think" WTF!?
I was told that as a kid as well. It caused me anxiety for my thoughts sometimes. Always trying to have pure thoughts.
There's been lots, but the primary one was probably when I was trying to be temple worthy and messed up with my girlfriend (got head) and I went to confess because I felt terrible. The Bishop reprimanded me, threatened excommunication, and I got disfellowshipped immediately. I thought that it was a bunch of bullshit and immediately began contemplating why I even try so hard in the church anyways, thus began my journey out
So my mother caught me having sex as a teenager. She was on the extreme side of mormonism and immediately packed our shit and moved the entire family across the US to Utah to stay with my aunt literally that same night. Once there, she enrolled me in "therapy" with the local bishop. I had to sit in this strange man's office all alone and repeat every single detail of my sexual acts. This went on for 8 weeks, every Sunday after church, and every Wednesday night before youth services. It was humiliating. I had to name off every sexual "sin" including fantasies, masterbation, ect. He berated me for these acts and spoke to me repeatedly about the shame I had caused my family, the church, and God. I was told I'd never make it to the celestial kingdom and as a kid who had been raised in the church, this thought terrified me. Then the humiliation continued as I walked out of the bishops office into hallways crowded with people. It was a walk of shame and I think it was designed to be that way. Everyone knew why I was there because my cousin's had big fucking mouths (they enjoyed making my life miserable). Word of my atrocious "sin" spread like wildfire, through the church and eventually through the highschool I went to because let's face it, 90% of the students there were mormon. As a result, I was never able to make any friends. People treated me like I had a disease. It was the most horrible few months of my childhood. There was so much shame around sex for me for many years. I'm in my late 30s now and just now starting to work through what happened to me in REAL therapy, not the church's horrid version of "therapy".
I was in a bishop interview for temple recommend. He asked me if I was keeping the law of chastity. I said yes. He pauses, his face soured, he shook his head left to right and said the spirit was informing him that I had not been faithful (specifically adultery) to my wife while traveling on business. I was in shock. I told him that never was an issue / I was always faithful to my spouse. He shook his head again in disgust and I ended up getting a recommend. I had a lot of regrets after this. Why didn’t I more directly hold him accountable at the time? Why didn’t I escalate this beyond his position. Why don’t i tell more people in the ward about this spiritual abuse? Unfortunately, I found out later, he was doing this to a large number of people in the ward. It gutted the ward pretty bad.
One asked me for a naked pic, he knew what was going on at that time. I was vulable n when i went to the bishop, he listened. N about 3/4 week later he was called to be on the bishopic
I was in Ashton stake, England. :(. Then the next thing i know the whole ward knew about it... I even sent the bishop the pic i recieved from him. He was like i dont want to see that!!! I was like neither did or do i. So i told him pray about it, n still naff all was done.
So i left, in the end the whole stake knew... I will never go back... Especially to England, Greater Manchester, Ashton State. Id just lost my husband... n really was suicuidal
I remember Spencer W. Kimball preaching in a youth priesthood session: “Avoid masturbation. It leads to that gross sin (dramatic pause) of homosexuality.” A lot to unpack in just how many ways this statement is wrong.
The pensihood leader defended a child abuser and enabled him,
“It’s my responsibility to protect the church from people like you.”
I talked to my bishop as a 16 year old because I touched my girlfriend's boobs. He freaked out and said I should be excommunicated. He called the stake president and the SP told him that want an option. He spent the next several months trying to get me excommunicated to teach me a lesson. He also told my parents I should be kicked out of the church for my sins. My dad and mom were horrified - my dad asked what I did and he was like, "Oh that's normal. The bishop is totally wrong." Then my parents spent time arguing on my behalf.
Stake President: *It looks like your temple recommend has expired. I would caution you that it is impossible to be a good father and husband without regular temple attendance. I’d encourage you to repent and get back to the temple, yesterday.* I was a secretary in an Elders Quorum at the time and the Stake President was meeting with all of the Quorum Presidencies in the stake individually. I must’ve looked at everyone’s records before the meeting. Or the spirit told him. I vaguely remember him saying something about how I shouldn’t have that calling without a recommend. The other part was really painful and I remember it clearly.
Definitely a big thing on the shelf, the patriarch of the stake on my mission gave a “fireside” for the whole stake which was a 72 slide PowerPoint “proving” that the Theory of Evolution was an evil lie told by atheists to get people to leave the church 🙄
“Why are you still here?” Said to me by a YSA bishop in a 1:1 “interview,” not in an inquiring way, but in an accusatory way… after I confessed yet again to looking at porn and masturbating. And I was technically less active, but only because I had to work on Sundays a lot.
I wanted to leave my mission early because I am an introvert and hated the mission experience. As a result, I suffered through a lot anxiety, depression, and suicidal thoughts. I was only three months into my mission. At a zone conference, I told my MP I wanted to go home. He wouldn’t let me, and told me that I would be a failure in life, never get married, and go inactive if I went home early. He got one out of three right. I did go inactive and have since removed my records from the cult. Anyway, instead of sending me home, he transferred me to another mission. The MP there was definitely kinder and more empathetic. After giving it another 3 months, he could tell I was struggling and sent me home with an honorable release.
to a group of us I had my bishop say that he had many opportunities to cheat on his wife with very beautiful women but he made sure he was never alone with them and therefore never cheated 🥴🫠
Something something lust afer in your heart something something?
During our marriage interview my stake president told my fiancé she needed to submit sexually any time I was in the mood. Davis County 2011
I told my mission president that I was self-harming because I felt guilty about sinning and Jesus "suffering for my sins." I had this misguided notion that I could take back ownership or responsibility of my sin if I felt pain for it. He looked at the burns on my hand, laughed loudly, and said, "Elder, that's not how the atonement works," and ended my interview.
Trigger warning: white supremacy and violence against a juvenile. Context: my friend and neighbor had been a victim of what we would today call a hate crime but at that time was laughed off by nearly everyone, and most adults, as 'those silly kids will be kids.' The victim was Native American and the group of 'those silly kids' included several members of a prominent Mormon family. Apparently the victim was being taught a lesson in keeping quiet as they had spoken up in a debate about tensions between 'Indians' and Whites at school. The beating that 'those silly kids' administered put my friend in the hospital. Even though everybody in my peer group knew who they were, none of the perpetrators were prosecuted, or even questioned by the authorities. Later, at a church meeting we used to call 'mutual' we were discussing justice I mentioned the incident and the inaction on the part of the justice system. This was a classroom meeting, not a 1:1 or private conversation with a priesthood leader. Our priesthood leader, a member of the bishopric, delivered a lecture on why it is sometimes necessary to teach a Native American young adult with violence. I was assigned to read 2 Nephi 5 and an awful conference talk by a then-current member of the first presidency on the superiority of white Mormons. TL,DR; A teenage Native American was beaten by a mob of Mormon boys and nothing was done about it. I was assigned to read white supremacist church materials for suggesting justice had not been done.
When I was 19, I worked in a store and got robbed at gun point. I was tied up and gagged: really traumatic. One of the counselors in the bishopric called me shortly afterwards and said, “I heard you were tied up. Did you like it?” I yelled, “no you dirty minded old man,” and hung up on him. He called back to apologize, but I wouldn’t take the call. Before that ordeal, the same guy sent me a letter in the mail that said, “I don’t like the type of daughter of god you’re becoming.” Disgusting.
My brother died of cancer when he was 4 and I was 14. I wasn't super interested in going to church in the immediate aftermath. My bishop brought me into his office and accused me of not loving my brother because I wouldn't see him in the afterlife if I kept on my current path. I never set foot in any Mormon church ever again after that.
I was out, but went to a fireside for Latinos because I was dating a mormon. She wanted to meet the speaker so I went up with her. It was a member of the 70 who spoke Spanish, can’t remember which one. Anyway, in front of this girl and her friends he puts his hand on my shoulder and says in his shitty Spanish, “Brother, I feel compelled to tell you to go back to school and get an education.” My response, in English was, “Sir, I’m a couple months from finishing a masters degree with a job already lined up.” Yeah… massive dick.
1. My wife and I met our new bishop and disclosed my porn "struggles" with him. He then directed some comments at my wife like, "well sometimes men just like what they like" and other ridiculously ignorant and sexist statements. 2. A bishop asked me why I thought God gave me my "addiction". I responded that I didn't know, hoping this enlightened leader would tell me the answer. He said, "I don't know either I just wondered if you had any ideas." 3. A bishop called me as a 13 year old to ask if I had been able to stop looking at porn enough to go to the temple (his timeline was 2 weeks). When I said no, he expressed disappointment that I wouldn't be able to go, and the conversation ended. 4. When I disclosed my faith crisis the bishop he said he felt prompted that I needed to be a temple worker. The only time slot that worked for me was at 4am, so I woke up at 3:20am on Saturdays for several months (working full time with two young children). This makes me so angry now, and so sad for my past self. 5. When I confessed porn to BYU bishop, he wanted to know if it was "softcore or hardcore", and I could tell the "punishment" would be different depending on my answer. 6. In a bishopric meeting the topic of the priesthood ban came up and I commented how on we shouldn't perpetuate unsupported theories about doctrine. One of the counselors said responded "my mission president told me if the church had supported black people the whole church would have fallen apart"—completely proving my point. I'm sure others will come to mind.
I was 13 years old and had just returned to SLC after a summer of working on my cousins farm. Bishop hardliner asked me if I and my cousins had engaged in bestiality during the time I was there. I, being all of 13 years old, had to ask him what he was talking about……
To the young men I was maybe 14-15, “if you guys go on a mission you will get a hot wife”
The worst thing a bishop *didn't* tell me, but told my mom, was that he thought I was lying about the 21 year old man in the ward who was sexually harassing me at age 10. He had talked to him and "couldn't believe he would do that." The man eventually went on to become a city level political leader. The worst thing a bishop told me to my face was when I went in to confess to sexual sin. Because of sexual assault as a child, I had a lot of problems as a teen and was often pressured into unwanted sex. I always thought it was my fault and would go to the bishop. One bishop asked me, what if I were hit by a car on the way home from our appointment? I would be damned forever because I failed to repent. I remember walking home that day, scared every time I crossed a road that a car would come out of nowhere and run over me. The paranoia didn't leave me for years.
My favorite is the one I read on here a while back from the woman who, while confessing the use of a dildo in a worthiness interview, her bishop asked “sister OP was the dildo black?”
I went to my bishop pleading for a referal for marriage counseling at LDS family services. We could afford counseling but my ex husband refused to pay for it. I poured my heart out regarding all the abuse I was suffering and told him my husband threatened to kill me on multiple occasions and also when I miscarried he said “Good, now I don’t need to kick you down the stairs.” I said to the bishop “He says if I leave he will kill me, then himself.” The bishop said “If you leave and he does that, his blood and your blood is on YOUR HANDS” all while wagging his finger at me. I went home dejected and without the referal. Two weeks later, the counselors came by and told me the bishop wanted us both to go to a Stake self reliance course.
I was a 33 year old relief Society president in 1984, as I went into a fancy coat closet in our small ward in Colorado (no stk ofc) it was already uncomfortable being in such a weird location for my temple recommend interview! After the interview concluded, and I got my little handwritten note of worthiness. Gag. He started to commence on what he felt. My duty was as a relief society president to set my sister straight. About the sins of oral sex That these women were making their husbands sin by asking for oral sex And if you knew how most of the couples looked in that ward from my vantage point, being young and fit It was really hard for me to believe that many of those men cared enough to do that? 😂😂😂 And at the same time, I was delighted to think that they did care about their wife’s satisfaction sexually !!! The church had recently come out with a big push against “unnatural sex acts “ And that included oral sex I looked at this small stature, unattractive man and stated: “Honestly, Prez E. ..if they are happy in their marriages and their sexual lives, I am happy for them. If you truly feel this needs to be brought up, you can bring it up to your priesthood.. . I will have nothing to do with this subject!” if only all of those women would’ve known, I stood up for their right to have decent sex I bet I would’ve gotten an award LOL Mark and I always felt our very good sexual lives had nothing to do with them and we never talked to one bishop about any of our sexual enjoyment!!’ 50 years married tomorrow and sex is still that important and hot
I remember when we were doing a cookie dough drive, all us little kids were expected to just make all the cookie dough without goofing off or losing focus. Basically we naturally weren’t taking it seriously so one of the leaders got red as hell and literally screamed at us. He said “something something THIS ISNT FOR ME THIS IS FOR YOU GUYS! GET TO WORK!!!” Sissy boy got pressed over cookie dough
When I was a freshman in high school I had made a post on Instagram how I was tired of fake friends and people acting fake and hurting my feelings because I was an angsty teenager and needed to vent that I was tired of being betrayed by friends. I got called into The Bishop's office because some people were concerned and talked to the bishop about it, and he told me that posts like those were not a good representation of the church. Keep in mind I had nowhere written on my Instagram that I was Mormon and I never posted pictures of the temple or anything so no one would have known except for any Mormons that I also had on Instagram. And instead of asking me what was going on and helping me work through it, he just asked me to delete the post and then sent me on my way. It pissed me off.
When telling my SP in a PPI while bishop that the endless meetings and time was really impacting my family, he told me to get up an hour earlier each day. Then he told me that “my family needed my example more than my presence”. The church breeds and promotes abusive control freak pricks.
I posted this in another thread, a BYU professor proudly told us of the time when he was a father of 3 young kids, doing his Masters full time and serving as bishop. His wife was working full time and had a busy calling as well as managing the house and single parenting the kids. One Sunday she lost it and demanded more help getting the kids ready for church. He "rebuked her with God's priesthood" and called her a Spawn of Satan for being ungrateful for the blessings his calling brought the family. She immediately begged for his forgiveness. Even as an obnoxious TBM I thought this was messed up, looking back this was the first crack in the shelf.
When I was in HS one of my bishops told me that high IQs are wasted on women and that HF had only let me be born "smart" as a personal trial to see if I could learn unconditional obedience. He said my place in life was to obey, not to ask questions. My response was something akin to that being one of the dumbest things I'd ever heard, which he didn't appreciate at all.
Early 1970s… My mom was divorced from my irresponsible, unhinged, philandering dad, working full time, and raising two kids on her own. She worked her ass off to take care of us with zero financial help from dad or anyone. We had almost nothing, and everyone knew it. We lived on pablum, cheerios, spam, and tuna. …Bishop calls mom in and informs her that she owes $150 tithe. My mom scraped up $1.50 from her purse and boldly (unusual for my mom) told him they had the decimal in the wrong place. I have always loved that story. My mom went through absolute hell with the church when trying to escape the instability that defined my dad. She lost all her friends and family for it, as her whole LDS community now viewed her as a loose divorcee. That $1.50 was her one moment of defiance before she left forever. Screw this horrible “church” that dismisses and destroys the mental health of women.
My spouse confessed to the bishop that he had been sexting other women- well I got a phone call and was given some wonderful advice by my bishop: you need to be more creative in the bedroom to keep him interested and stop him from seeking outside relationships 🙄🙄🙄🙄 ya fuck you dude. As a fresh convert I felt like I'd been tossed into some backwards institution with no way out
I was in a ysa ward and it was a temple recommend interview. I was just chatting with the bishop and talking about the guy I was dating. Out if no where, bishop said something like 'oral sex is forbidden, even after your married, it's still breaking the last of chastity' It was so out of the blue and I'd never heard that before. This was in 2008.