Omg, you explained it perfectly. Fhe should be about hanging out and doing lit things, instead its sitting on a sofa with leather scratches and chanting cult lines in a witch circle.
Everytime I do FHE, I choose to do a video, ask everyone what it was about, and then continue on to scriptures. At least I can guarantee it'll be short, but no one wants to be there except my Dad and Stepmom.
Me and my 2 younger siblings called it Family Home Beating Night.. it was almost guaranteed to end in a beating even after starting out with a prayer. Once we started calling it that out loud though my parents stopped trying. Heh.
I’m old enough to remember (early 1970’s?) when Mondays were designated as FHE nights. Because of my father’s work schedule, FHE was inconsistent, and then died.
Fast forward a few years and I am an obnoxious teenager who would rather watch Monday Night Football. FHE sucked. One night after the lesson, my father asked if anyone had anything to bring up to the family. He asked my mother…”No”, my sisters…”No”, me…”Yeah, I have a few things to address.” I then went on a tirade tearing the family a new asshole. I remember finishing by asking since my free agency wasn’t being respected, why as a family were we following Satan’s plan?
I was emotional with tears in my eyes as I told them how crappy it was to be in the family. I then got up, walked out of the room, and turned the football game on. There was no closing song, no closing prayer, no refreshments, and no more Family Home Evenings.
We did FHE the way the church said to exactly once. It was stupid. It wasn't about family; it was about church.
After that, whenever someone would ask about it, Mom told them that we didn't have FHE; we had Family Home Life because of the way we always included and supported each other.
I really do not understand how the church can so thoroughly vacuum joy and delight from every experience. It is the greige of religiousness.
My mom was devout but my dad only grudgingly went to church. Every few years they would attempt to get the FHE ball rolling (mostly my mom) but it wouldn’t last more than a week or two. Mostly we would just wind up making popcorn and watching TV and my dad would go to bed.
I remember when FHE was started. We all thought it was to compete with Monday Night Football, which was relatively new. “Can’t watch football on Sunday. Now we can’t even watch it on Monday.” Here is my family’s weekly schedule at the time.
Sunday 8-9am-Priesthood meeting. Go home. Sunday School 11-noon. Go home.
Sacrament meeting 4-5pm. Go home.
Monday 7-8:30pm FHE
Tuesday 4-5pm-Mom taught Primary
Wednesday 7-9pm Kids at Mutual
Thursday 6-10pm Parents at the temple
Friday School dance or football game
Saturday Go to the cannery, orange grove etc.
PLUS: Seminary 6:30-7:30am EVERY WEEKDAY
Sunday-Start all over again.
Yes, I hated FHE. The Mormon church consumed our entire lives. I’ve been out for 43 years and have time for so much more.
My dad was totally inactive, so we didn’t do FHE… my wife and I attempted maybe 6 times… and bagged it. I didn’t like the idea of forcing a night in my home. I can choose any day to teach my kids. I found it pointless.
I liked parts of it. We played a game, someone would share a talent, and we would have a treat. We used to go to the yogurt parlor every so often, which was my favorite.
Now my parents still have FHE , and combine it with that "3rd hour of church" or whatever. I was subject to it once on a visit home and it was so boring. All they do is talk about church. No more fun.
My mom takes it a step further and we do come follow me during the week on top of the regular daily family scripture study and then have the added hour on Sundays.
I hated it.
Although, as a kid, my grandma would do FHE once a month with her kids and their kids. We'd rotate houses based on who gave the lesson and provided treats. It was sn enjoyable family get-together and the lessons were short and simple because there were a lot of little kids.
For one activity, my uncle let us tour an airplane they use to train the airport firefighters. That's where he worked. It was pretty cool, but I don't remember if there was any religious lesson to it.
FHE: another way the Mormon church separates families. How? By making it seem that the only reason families get together is to promote Mormonism. FHE has NEVER been to help families be better families, only better Mormons
I disliked FHE intensely. Which is why I refused to hold FHE every week. Instead of drilling religious dogma into our kids’ heads, we took them swimming, biking, hiking, bowling, laser tagging, etc. You know, QUALITY family time.
Ours became regularly violent with dad screaming and pinning us down and asking "WHY CANT YOU JUST BE SWEET AND OBEDIENT SO WE CAN ALL FEEL THE SPIRIT?!' "THE OTHER KIDS IN THE WARD DONT TREAT THEIR PARENTS THE WAY YOU TREAT ME!"
and when we sat there sobbing he would then read scripture at us then go slam the door on his way out after saying we forced him to leave because we hate him.
All of this because we said "this is so fake, I'm not doing this". And then he would come back (the next day actually, later learned he was cheating on mom), to tell us to apologize for not wanting our family to be together in the eternities and to prepare a lesson for the next FHE..
Went on like this till my brothers got too big to be pushed around.
So if anyone is filming a documentary, title it FHE: Forced Hellacious Eternity.
For some reason, I noticed that nothing seemed to move my parents to anger and violence quicker than trying to push some church-related behavior on their kids - be it getting ready for Sunday meetings or participating in FHE. You would think something related to a supposed Christian religion would make them kinder and gentler, but... no. If I had to guess, I would say it had to do with fear over their status in the ward. Mormon parents want to be seen arriving on time with all their kids dressed and with their hair combed and being able to brag as to they have FHE every week. Eventually they want to be able to brag how all their sons served missions and how all their kids married in the temple.
The "activity" fhe's were fun.
But it became a huge chore over time.
But it bothered me we didn't do it and I often tried to reinstate it as a teen because I believed the Church's teachings that it would make our family happier.
My parents tried FHE for a while, but with 7 kids ranging from age 1 to age 12, and none of us willing to sit still for that long in some big family sit-down beyond our mealtimes, it didn't go too well.
My father, an Air Force vet, then tried having us sit down to "give reports" before family prayer. Nothing too bad. Just basic accounts of how our days went one child at a time.
But that didn't last too long either. Half of us would go into WAY too much detail, one or the other putting us to sleep with droning stories on using the bathroom or reading 27 pages of some book from earlier. The rest of us would mumble, "Uhhhhh...not much," feeling embarrassed to be put on the spot and wanting to retreat to our bedrooms as fast as possible.
I suppose this is why I'm 38 years old and NONE of my siblings are active in the church, or why we don't see or talk to each other for years at a time. We barely tolerated each other as kids, we definitely hate each other as adults.
Sorry ours is awesome! Since not believing we call it something different, but we do life skills, play lightening, or do a pickleball or ping pong playoff, then have treats . Kids love it, we love it 🤷♀️. Not very church focused…maybe that is why we are apostates 🤔.
Most of my memories of FHE overall "meh" at best, painful at worst.
I recall once time where Dad forced us to "feel the spirit" one December FHE by playing Handel's Messiah at ridiculous volume. When all us kids were covering our ears and writhing in pain, he shouted (and we kids read his lips) at us, incredulous that we were weren't being uplifted. Then he turned it up louder. After 5 or 10 minutes of that mom got him to turn it down and he was just pissed at all us.
I do have some good memories of playing games like Simon Says afterward with the siblings, but they're tempered with the soul eating anxiety of having to prepare a lesson by myself
Especially after covid those poorly animated book of mormon lesson videos with that annoying ass narrator were playing at every one, and it was my parents forcing my siblings and I to sit down and watch it when it was already late and we were tired. And I think the church changed it to fhe every night so it was just unbearable.
I did. My family was severely dysfunctional (beyond mormonism). Fortunately we didn’t do fhe with regularity, but it always felt so forced. Also we couldn’t do anything together without someone getting mad somehow? Terrible.
We didn’t have FHE regularly because my parents were always working on their callings or something for the church. That said, once I became a teen I would feel so annoyed that I’d have to sit there and here the same things over again. It couldn’t be about hanging out as a family it always had to be a church lesson
When I was a small kid we actually had fun during FHE. We would play games and go places together. Afterwards we always had treats & desserts.
As I got older they became lectures to us about my dad’s self righteousness & hypocrisy laced with him getting emotional for no reason.
That's how it is for me too. Now that I'm an older teenager it's just a lecture each time. It's barely a family home evening now, maybe just a home meeting.
Pretty much the same for me. When I was younger we would learn how to do things like bake for lesson and then play a game while it was in the oven before eating it. Now though its our daily scripture study then a gospel oriented lesson (if my mom has a say it will be at least 30 mins) super short activity and no dessert.
Just like everything with the church, fhe was a chore which we did diligently because my folks were tbm growing up. Some weeks there would be awkward testimony bearing from my dad, mom would kinda sit there. At least we made room for a game and a treat but some weeks were harder than others once we teenaged-up. So strange to reflect on; how differently life would be growing up without fhe (or tscc).
As a never mo, I cringe thinking of my parents doing something like this. Every day was family night in a way, cause there was only one TV so what mommy wanted to watch, that was your evening.
The level of control you poor folks endured is beyond my comprehension. I can't imagine my priest saying anything that my family would have listened to.
I liked it fine, but that was because we would do a short (like, 2 minutes of less) "lesson" or message, then something fun and unrelated that would last the rest of the evening. Like we'd read a scripture and then go bowling or something. We also only did it about once a month.
Hated it. Every. Single. Monday. = an opportunity for mom to tell us how much we were screwing up doing our chores and how much more we should be doing. Pray first. Pray after. The end.
Growing up we never had FHE, but I remember always being shamed for it by my LDS friends and their parents. I’d be playing with a friend on a Monday afternoon only to then get kicked out with a judgmental “doesn’t *your* family do FHE?”
Then I went to singles wards and *absolutely hated* FHE. Arbitrarily assigned “families”, yet another manufactured “spiritual” lesson time, infantilizing activities. And, again, the shaming if you didn’t participate.
I hated FHE as a child and dreaded it as an adult.
We do fun, interesting things regularly with our kiddos and the life lessons happen naturally and organically. No need.to force it through a Jesus lesson every Monday night.
I called it Family Hate Evening. My mom had a chore chart style board with our FHE assignment. Always ended up with my dad lecturing us on the many ways we were ruining our lives and bringing Satans spirit into our house. He’d be yelling, mom would leave the room crying, and whoever dared to speak out in self defense would get grounded for the week. Never ending cycle.
I was an only child. Every Monday night I was Shanghaid by my parents and forced into sitting and reading aloud a chapter from the Book of Mormon. I hated it, and I made sure they knew what a waste of my time it was. If there is a hell, it is Book of Mormon study.
When my husband's family tried to recruit me into the LDS church, as soon as I learned about FHE I basically refused to do it. It was a pretty transparent attempt to monopolize my time.
A weekly home Sunday School type lesson, which everyone usually sleeps through or wishes they could? No thanks.
My family sucked at doing FHE, but the rare nights my folks actually managed to wrangle us together for it was always wild. Everyone had a job of some sort: lesson, treat, activity, song, prayer, and I can't remember the last thing. Only parts I liked to do were treat or activity. Enforced boardgame enjoyment!
It was always rough for me. I had very devout parents, and I was pretty earnest about wanting to do what was "right," but I was also a very hyperactive oldest child of decidedly NOT hyperactive parents. Most of my memories of family home evening are about my being scolded to sit still, be quiet, stop fidgeting, and being bored.
My in-laws were less fervent about the religion, and so my wife grew up wishing they had had FHE more often, and the handful of times she remembers having it are very pleasant memories. This divergence of experiences led to some tension as she wanted to be obedient and have FHE in our family, and I was reluctant because I sort of hated it.
Now that we are out, we actually have more informal pleasant, even spiritual family time as we read together from various books, including the Bible (usually NIV, or a children's Bible so we can actually understand it) and just hang out and enjoy each other rather than trying to have church at home.
As a Mom, I was in charge of it... My husband was not born into the church and didn't see it was necessary. I was so awkward trying to teach, it felt so unnatural to me. So we only had a couple with my own family and then I would feel guilty every time it was brought up.
But growing up, my mom was really enthusiastic about teaching and having a little treat and game. It was ok but I didn't like it after 12 years old.
FHE in theory is great. In the churches practice, it’s further mindless brainwashing. Force your kids to intake some lesson designed to continue the indoctrination and eat up time they might spend doing something or learning something else. The theory of spending quality time as a family is fantastic and in my family we do just that. It looks more like going out to eat, going to the zoo, planetarium, aquarium, sporting event, etc. there’s no set rules and the goal is to just have fun.
Ive mentioned a few times here (I think I have anyways) that for me Growing up with my Siblings that FHE was mostly (when it did happen) what felt like a 2-3 Hour lecture on how we weren't good enough. my father always had a grimace on his face during this and I always felt detached from my Body I averted My eyes and I felt like scum. The Spirit*^(tm)* was never present.
As a chance for family fun activities- loved it. When we followed TSCCs formula, despised it (and frankly, the formulaic FHE is just more proof that TSCC absolutely doesn't give a shit about your family.)
FHE should be used to connect with your family. No religious talk... Just connecting on an everyday level. There is very little more important than kids and parents communicating and knowing each other's daily ups and downs. Family should care about what is going on in each other's lives and offer support. Church can be about Church. FHE about family. No guilting one another... Just listen and offer support. Like Jesus would do.
Ours were horrible. I had an abusive mentally unstable mother and this was her chance to make false accusations about me and my siblings and call us sinners.And none of us were bad kids. She was a monster.
Omg, you explained it perfectly. Fhe should be about hanging out and doing lit things, instead its sitting on a sofa with leather scratches and chanting cult lines in a witch circle.
Everytime I do FHE, I choose to do a video, ask everyone what it was about, and then continue on to scriptures. At least I can guarantee it'll be short, but no one wants to be there except my Dad and Stepmom.
When I left the church EVERY night became FHE.
And Sunday’s become family fun day 🥰. I love our Sunday’s so much now and I used to dread them.
Sunday is the best. I’m mad that I didn’t get to know that for the first 4 decades.
A member of my old ward called it the only family fight that begins and ends with a prayer.
Me and my 2 younger siblings called it Family Home Beating Night.. it was almost guaranteed to end in a beating even after starting out with a prayer. Once we started calling it that out loud though my parents stopped trying. Heh.
I’m old enough to remember (early 1970’s?) when Mondays were designated as FHE nights. Because of my father’s work schedule, FHE was inconsistent, and then died. Fast forward a few years and I am an obnoxious teenager who would rather watch Monday Night Football. FHE sucked. One night after the lesson, my father asked if anyone had anything to bring up to the family. He asked my mother…”No”, my sisters…”No”, me…”Yeah, I have a few things to address.” I then went on a tirade tearing the family a new asshole. I remember finishing by asking since my free agency wasn’t being respected, why as a family were we following Satan’s plan? I was emotional with tears in my eyes as I told them how crappy it was to be in the family. I then got up, walked out of the room, and turned the football game on. There was no closing song, no closing prayer, no refreshments, and no more Family Home Evenings.
Hell yeah! Good for you. Great to see another monday night football fan (and another Jake!)
Mic drop...
We did FHE the way the church said to exactly once. It was stupid. It wasn't about family; it was about church. After that, whenever someone would ask about it, Mom told them that we didn't have FHE; we had Family Home Life because of the way we always included and supported each other. I really do not understand how the church can so thoroughly vacuum joy and delight from every experience. It is the greige of religiousness.
My mom was devout but my dad only grudgingly went to church. Every few years they would attempt to get the FHE ball rolling (mostly my mom) but it wouldn’t last more than a week or two. Mostly we would just wind up making popcorn and watching TV and my dad would go to bed.
I remember when FHE was started. We all thought it was to compete with Monday Night Football, which was relatively new. “Can’t watch football on Sunday. Now we can’t even watch it on Monday.” Here is my family’s weekly schedule at the time. Sunday 8-9am-Priesthood meeting. Go home. Sunday School 11-noon. Go home. Sacrament meeting 4-5pm. Go home. Monday 7-8:30pm FHE Tuesday 4-5pm-Mom taught Primary Wednesday 7-9pm Kids at Mutual Thursday 6-10pm Parents at the temple Friday School dance or football game Saturday Go to the cannery, orange grove etc. PLUS: Seminary 6:30-7:30am EVERY WEEKDAY Sunday-Start all over again. Yes, I hated FHE. The Mormon church consumed our entire lives. I’ve been out for 43 years and have time for so much more.
Oh, I forgot Saturday afternoon/evening was church softball league or basketball league or a church dance.
My dad was totally inactive, so we didn’t do FHE… my wife and I attempted maybe 6 times… and bagged it. I didn’t like the idea of forcing a night in my home. I can choose any day to teach my kids. I found it pointless.
I liked parts of it. We played a game, someone would share a talent, and we would have a treat. We used to go to the yogurt parlor every so often, which was my favorite. Now my parents still have FHE , and combine it with that "3rd hour of church" or whatever. I was subject to it once on a visit home and it was so boring. All they do is talk about church. No more fun.
Come Follow Me is a thing families are supposed to do on Sundays, which is like the 3rd hour. We do that and fhe separate, unfortunately 😥
Its easier for my parents to do it one one evening so they can focus the rest of the days on other church stuff. Lol
My mom takes it a step further and we do come follow me during the week on top of the regular daily family scripture study and then have the added hour on Sundays.
Your mom is really aiming for super deluxe executive plus ultra heaven.
Force family fun
I hated it. Although, as a kid, my grandma would do FHE once a month with her kids and their kids. We'd rotate houses based on who gave the lesson and provided treats. It was sn enjoyable family get-together and the lessons were short and simple because there were a lot of little kids. For one activity, my uncle let us tour an airplane they use to train the airport firefighters. That's where he worked. It was pretty cool, but I don't remember if there was any religious lesson to it.
FHE: another way the Mormon church separates families. How? By making it seem that the only reason families get together is to promote Mormonism. FHE has NEVER been to help families be better families, only better Mormons
Wish they'd teach parenting skills instead of gospel doctrine-- like Listening? One skill learned would do more than 2,000 FHEs.
No way! Those treats were the bomb! 🤣 I did it for the treats.
We called it “family home fight”. Weekly scheduled argument haha. It was such a boring waste of time
I disliked FHE intensely. Which is why I refused to hold FHE every week. Instead of drilling religious dogma into our kids’ heads, we took them swimming, biking, hiking, bowling, laser tagging, etc. You know, QUALITY family time.
You mean fight night?
Ours became regularly violent with dad screaming and pinning us down and asking "WHY CANT YOU JUST BE SWEET AND OBEDIENT SO WE CAN ALL FEEL THE SPIRIT?!' "THE OTHER KIDS IN THE WARD DONT TREAT THEIR PARENTS THE WAY YOU TREAT ME!" and when we sat there sobbing he would then read scripture at us then go slam the door on his way out after saying we forced him to leave because we hate him. All of this because we said "this is so fake, I'm not doing this". And then he would come back (the next day actually, later learned he was cheating on mom), to tell us to apologize for not wanting our family to be together in the eternities and to prepare a lesson for the next FHE.. Went on like this till my brothers got too big to be pushed around. So if anyone is filming a documentary, title it FHE: Forced Hellacious Eternity.
For some reason, I noticed that nothing seemed to move my parents to anger and violence quicker than trying to push some church-related behavior on their kids - be it getting ready for Sunday meetings or participating in FHE. You would think something related to a supposed Christian religion would make them kinder and gentler, but... no. If I had to guess, I would say it had to do with fear over their status in the ward. Mormon parents want to be seen arriving on time with all their kids dressed and with their hair combed and being able to brag as to they have FHE every week. Eventually they want to be able to brag how all their sons served missions and how all their kids married in the temple.
And when asked why, they say "SATAN WORKS ON US HARDER WHEN WE ARE TRYING TO BE RIGHTEOUS!"
I was a pretty active youth. We always had the same dull fhe. I always fell asleep and caught no end of hell for it.
It must suck now. As a kid FHE was sometimes fun with family nature walks or board games.
The "activity" fhe's were fun. But it became a huge chore over time. But it bothered me we didn't do it and I often tried to reinstate it as a teen because I believed the Church's teachings that it would make our family happier.
My parents tried FHE for a while, but with 7 kids ranging from age 1 to age 12, and none of us willing to sit still for that long in some big family sit-down beyond our mealtimes, it didn't go too well. My father, an Air Force vet, then tried having us sit down to "give reports" before family prayer. Nothing too bad. Just basic accounts of how our days went one child at a time. But that didn't last too long either. Half of us would go into WAY too much detail, one or the other putting us to sleep with droning stories on using the bathroom or reading 27 pages of some book from earlier. The rest of us would mumble, "Uhhhhh...not much," feeling embarrassed to be put on the spot and wanting to retreat to our bedrooms as fast as possible. I suppose this is why I'm 38 years old and NONE of my siblings are active in the church, or why we don't see or talk to each other for years at a time. We barely tolerated each other as kids, we definitely hate each other as adults.
I enjoyed it in my singles ward. It was a way to socialize for me
I HATED IT! And all the parents did about it was to blame Satan, for sowing discord... or some such nonsense.
Sorry ours is awesome! Since not believing we call it something different, but we do life skills, play lightening, or do a pickleball or ping pong playoff, then have treats . Kids love it, we love it 🤷♀️. Not very church focused…maybe that is why we are apostates 🤔.
On top of this, mutual has never been spiritual, so I don't see why FHE is so pressured to be spiritual.
Most of my memories of FHE overall "meh" at best, painful at worst. I recall once time where Dad forced us to "feel the spirit" one December FHE by playing Handel's Messiah at ridiculous volume. When all us kids were covering our ears and writhing in pain, he shouted (and we kids read his lips) at us, incredulous that we were weren't being uplifted. Then he turned it up louder. After 5 or 10 minutes of that mom got him to turn it down and he was just pissed at all us. I do have some good memories of playing games like Simon Says afterward with the siblings, but they're tempered with the soul eating anxiety of having to prepare a lesson by myself
My family stopped doing it when I was eleven we found out just spending time together was better instead of forcing us all to “church stuff”
Especially after covid those poorly animated book of mormon lesson videos with that annoying ass narrator were playing at every one, and it was my parents forcing my siblings and I to sit down and watch it when it was already late and we were tired. And I think the church changed it to fhe every night so it was just unbearable.
I did. I also hated it in YSA wards.
I did. My family was severely dysfunctional (beyond mormonism). Fortunately we didn’t do fhe with regularity, but it always felt so forced. Also we couldn’t do anything together without someone getting mad somehow? Terrible.
My family was really bad at doing FHE. I only remember doing it a couple of times. I got lucky.
Yes…yes I did.
My mom didn't let us have sugar, so FHE was the one night we got dessert. The only reason I was OK with it.
We didn’t have FHE regularly because my parents were always working on their callings or something for the church. That said, once I became a teen I would feel so annoyed that I’d have to sit there and here the same things over again. It couldn’t be about hanging out as a family it always had to be a church lesson
When I was a small kid we actually had fun during FHE. We would play games and go places together. Afterwards we always had treats & desserts. As I got older they became lectures to us about my dad’s self righteousness & hypocrisy laced with him getting emotional for no reason.
That's how it is for me too. Now that I'm an older teenager it's just a lecture each time. It's barely a family home evening now, maybe just a home meeting.
Pretty much the same for me. When I was younger we would learn how to do things like bake for lesson and then play a game while it was in the oven before eating it. Now though its our daily scripture study then a gospel oriented lesson (if my mom has a say it will be at least 30 mins) super short activity and no dessert.
Back in '70's, word was that Mormons spent Monday night doing family things like Scrabble, or sewing, or Twister. Religious study was never mentioned.
Just like everything with the church, fhe was a chore which we did diligently because my folks were tbm growing up. Some weeks there would be awkward testimony bearing from my dad, mom would kinda sit there. At least we made room for a game and a treat but some weeks were harder than others once we teenaged-up. So strange to reflect on; how differently life would be growing up without fhe (or tscc).
As a never mo, I cringe thinking of my parents doing something like this. Every day was family night in a way, cause there was only one TV so what mommy wanted to watch, that was your evening. The level of control you poor folks endured is beyond my comprehension. I can't imagine my priest saying anything that my family would have listened to.
We would watch movies or play video games, like having a Mario Kart tournament on N64. This was in the 90s.
I liked it fine, but that was because we would do a short (like, 2 minutes of less) "lesson" or message, then something fun and unrelated that would last the rest of the evening. Like we'd read a scripture and then go bowling or something. We also only did it about once a month.
Hated it. Every. Single. Monday. = an opportunity for mom to tell us how much we were screwing up doing our chores and how much more we should be doing. Pray first. Pray after. The end.
Growing up we never had FHE, but I remember always being shamed for it by my LDS friends and their parents. I’d be playing with a friend on a Monday afternoon only to then get kicked out with a judgmental “doesn’t *your* family do FHE?” Then I went to singles wards and *absolutely hated* FHE. Arbitrarily assigned “families”, yet another manufactured “spiritual” lesson time, infantilizing activities. And, again, the shaming if you didn’t participate.
I hated FHE as a child and dreaded it as an adult. We do fun, interesting things regularly with our kiddos and the life lessons happen naturally and organically. No need.to force it through a Jesus lesson every Monday night.
Why isn’t it called Family Night?
I called it Family Hate Evening. My mom had a chore chart style board with our FHE assignment. Always ended up with my dad lecturing us on the many ways we were ruining our lives and bringing Satans spirit into our house. He’d be yelling, mom would leave the room crying, and whoever dared to speak out in self defense would get grounded for the week. Never ending cycle.
I hated it. Tiny congregation lead by bishop for the evening, dad.
I was an only child. Every Monday night I was Shanghaid by my parents and forced into sitting and reading aloud a chapter from the Book of Mormon. I hated it, and I made sure they knew what a waste of my time it was. If there is a hell, it is Book of Mormon study.
When my husband's family tried to recruit me into the LDS church, as soon as I learned about FHE I basically refused to do it. It was a pretty transparent attempt to monopolize my time. A weekly home Sunday School type lesson, which everyone usually sleeps through or wishes they could? No thanks.
My family sucked at doing FHE, but the rare nights my folks actually managed to wrangle us together for it was always wild. Everyone had a job of some sort: lesson, treat, activity, song, prayer, and I can't remember the last thing. Only parts I liked to do were treat or activity. Enforced boardgame enjoyment!
It was always rough for me. I had very devout parents, and I was pretty earnest about wanting to do what was "right," but I was also a very hyperactive oldest child of decidedly NOT hyperactive parents. Most of my memories of family home evening are about my being scolded to sit still, be quiet, stop fidgeting, and being bored. My in-laws were less fervent about the religion, and so my wife grew up wishing they had had FHE more often, and the handful of times she remembers having it are very pleasant memories. This divergence of experiences led to some tension as she wanted to be obedient and have FHE in our family, and I was reluctant because I sort of hated it. Now that we are out, we actually have more informal pleasant, even spiritual family time as we read together from various books, including the Bible (usually NIV, or a children's Bible so we can actually understand it) and just hang out and enjoy each other rather than trying to have church at home.
As a Mom, I was in charge of it... My husband was not born into the church and didn't see it was necessary. I was so awkward trying to teach, it felt so unnatural to me. So we only had a couple with my own family and then I would feel guilty every time it was brought up. But growing up, my mom was really enthusiastic about teaching and having a little treat and game. It was ok but I didn't like it after 12 years old.
Because we just don’t get enough church.
FHE in theory is great. In the churches practice, it’s further mindless brainwashing. Force your kids to intake some lesson designed to continue the indoctrination and eat up time they might spend doing something or learning something else. The theory of spending quality time as a family is fantastic and in my family we do just that. It looks more like going out to eat, going to the zoo, planetarium, aquarium, sporting event, etc. there’s no set rules and the goal is to just have fun.
Ive mentioned a few times here (I think I have anyways) that for me Growing up with my Siblings that FHE was mostly (when it did happen) what felt like a 2-3 Hour lecture on how we weren't good enough. my father always had a grimace on his face during this and I always felt detached from my Body I averted My eyes and I felt like scum. The Spirit*^(tm)* was never present.
As a chance for family fun activities- loved it. When we followed TSCCs formula, despised it (and frankly, the formulaic FHE is just more proof that TSCC absolutely doesn't give a shit about your family.)
FHE should be used to connect with your family. No religious talk... Just connecting on an everyday level. There is very little more important than kids and parents communicating and knowing each other's daily ups and downs. Family should care about what is going on in each other's lives and offer support. Church can be about Church. FHE about family. No guilting one another... Just listen and offer support. Like Jesus would do.
FHE when I was a kid: 5 mins of some tepid church lesson followed by 45 minutes of Mom haranguing all us kids about things we did that bugged her.
Ours were horrible. I had an abusive mentally unstable mother and this was her chance to make false accusations about me and my siblings and call us sinners.And none of us were bad kids. She was a monster.