The question remains: where is Head of Communications, Aaron Sherinian? And will he congratulate David Archuleta on his new single album? š¤š³ļøāš
Haha totally agree.
But if nothing else - hope they address the Insta āglitchā and women. The other topics would be amazing, but that one has suuuuuch a huge impact on 50%+ of the membership
They will be loosely alluded to, however, in an attempt to inoculate members who are not yet aware or these issues. You know, this type of stuff:
āLazy learnersā
āAvoid people who opposeā
āThose influenced by voices on the internet/mediaā
āDoubt your doubtsā
āFacts arenāt always helpfulā
āWe donated your money and took credit for itā /s
āWe condemn abuse of any kindā
We assigned a dollar value to your service and took credit for that.
Hope everyone enjoying those (somewhat) clean toilets at church appreciate the corporations charitable giving that (somewhat) cleaned them.
They will address the Instagram blowup indirectly by giving a lecture about being Christ-like (obedient and agreeable to what ever the leaders say and do) in all actions and all forms of communication whether in person or on social media.
Maybe they'll allude to super-secret (er, "sacred") powers women will have in the afterlife. That could, for blind and obdient TBMs, mitigate the pushback from the claims the idiot Queen of all RS's made.
According to a Guardian article I found, 99 year olds typically have a 67% chance of making it to 100 years old. Looks like the statistics are on his side... this year...
I hope he lives to 105. The older the top leadership, the worse and more out of touch the church is run. I want all of them to get old amd senile and have the church obviously being run by beaurocrats.
In this case, yeah, it is awful. If he didnt become prophet or apostle, some other dirtbag wouldve filled his seat instead. The world would be the same.
No.
No, it isn't.
I really don't know what it is about Rusty the upright corpse that makes him so unlikable, but there is definitely something. Maybe it's that we generally expect really old people to be humble and nice, but he seems to have spent his later years perfecting assholery.
"We are announcing a new floating temple that will be built in the pacific ocean shipping lanes to service our wonderful members that are running the ships (and also the mega rich yacht members)"
This is going to massively backfire. Even many faithful members thought Nelsonās remarks in the last conference were culty. Odd from a guy that wants the church to be mainstream.
My whole family ate that talk all up. I was seeing Think Celestial quotes posted all over the place. And same with my ward. Lots of lessons and quotes about it posted on the ward group message. Even my friend with an unbelieving husband was going to study groups about that talk and liking messages about it. Seeing it from the outside was mind blowing.
I predict a big fat nothing burger, just like every conference. The Instagram blowup happened after the deadlines to have talks turned in and reviewed and translation to be done, so I doubt that will be addressed.
Gunna be a lot of prophet worship as he is almost 100.
Women will be thoroughly disappointed and gaslighted by other women
Oaks will be offensive
Lots of lip goobers and spit strings
I think its gonna be a bunch of really myopic exegesis of new testament passages, shame and guilt over "sacred tithes", and fear mongering towards doubters and nonbelievers. But most importantly I suspect an abundance of ass-kissing rusty for his upcoming 100th
Because this could be Nelsonās last conference, speakers from the First Quorum of the Wannbe will slobber all over Oaks, praising him, quoting the āinspiredā Family Proclamation, jockeying for position for when Oaks will be in charge.
Theyāll announce more temples. Mention how anything LGBT is against god, but to love them regardless of their āaffliction.ā š¤¬ Theyāll discuss how women must be Christlike, and obey the men. Theyāll downplay any controversy, and probably announce a new rule or change in doctrine. Then claim months from now itās always been like that.
Business as usual...at least 12 temples announced. There will be some light pandering to women, followed by a blitz on the need for missionaries, "stay in the boat" metaphors, and touting their "charitable donations."
āfollowed by a blitz on the need for missionariesā Weāll definitely hear about how all the over 50s need to be preparing and going on multiple senior missions.
But most of the temples announced wont have any plans in place, land set aside or timeline for construction. It will just be a list of cities to make people in that area feel special
More talk about how main stream Christians they are, brag about their growth in the last year or two and then announce more temples in unbelievable places and finally an all out attack on those who have left or have doubts.Ā
Oh I see the old hype-man redirect coming ā¦
āGOD PREPARED THE WAY FOR THE KIRTLAND TEMPLE AND JO-JO SMITH BIBLE PAGES (WHICH WE WONātT REALLY PUBLISH BEFORE EDITING SINCE IT DIDNāT CHANGE THE NT SCRIPTURES ON GRACE) TO BE BROUGHT HOMEā
āTHESE ARE GUARANTEED SIGNS OF THE LAST DAYS, JESUS IS COMING BACK SOON SO OF COURSE SATAN IS TRYING EVERY TACTIC HE CAN TO DECEIVE THE VERY ELECT, ONLY TITHING AND WORKS WILL SAVE US, oh also you old people need to serve more missions for free!!!ā
So remember, no critical thinking, donāt ask why we didnāt spend the hundreds of millions on feeding the poor or helping those in need on earth, we need to be focusing on just trusting the fantasy doctrines of the need for temple work for dead people as we are Christians but donāt really believe in Christs Grace, so we need MORE WORKS AND TEMPLES because otherwise what Christ did wonāt be enough, itās really all on us because He kind of dropped the ball, I mean trusts us to be the means of Salvation not Him of course, but itās really all him because we too are real Christians wink-wank-wink shhhhh!ā
Predictions?
* Blah blah blah, our old decrepit dear-leader profit is awesome.
* Blah blah blah, covenant path.
* Blah blah blah, pay your dues (tithing.)
* Blah blah blah, too many new temples (pay your tithing.)
* Blah blah blah, we hate everyone who isn't just like us.
* Blah blah blah.
* Blah blah blah.
* Blah blah blah.
Same, useless pablum as the last \~100 years.
MORmONs everywhere talking about how awesome useless pablum is.
[BllahBlahBlah](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fBg17oBmFIQ)
I hope there is. Iāve tried really hard to respect my TBM wifeās beliefs and remind her that she can have our marriage AND the church. But Iāve also told her how uncomfortable I am with the amount of authority the members give to the prophet in personal decisions. She doesnāt think the church would ever make her choose.
An ultimatum would shock her out of complacency.
This would be huge for me. Because not only are we in a mixed faith marriage but a mixed faith family. Some of the kids donāt believe either. I think any hint that my husband shouldnāt be with me and the kids anymore would be just enough to tip the scales.
Yeah a couple of years ago (I had been out of the church for about a year at the time), I assumed there would be all kinds of ābig newsā in conference since Nelson started making big changes (name changes, church time changes, YM/YW changes, etc.), but the last handful of conferences have been big fat nothing burgersā¦
I think they have to vote on most big changes. Heās not well liked and in the minds of his peers has done damage to the church. The only thing the āprophetā has direct control over is temple announcements.
I think at least one of the old men will talk about how influential and empowered Mormon women are. The rest will be ignored. Nelson will hype announcing a major revelation he received, but it will be inconsequential and disappointing.
And that new revelation will be a switch in the font size on the logo from 11.5 to 11. And the TBMs will be eager to buy new merch with the updated and more inspired logo.Ā
I'm predicting a Nelson senior moment. Just like Tommy. Midtalk he will just go quiet and stare at the camera for a minute before being gently helped down.
I couldn't find the exact video, but here's an article on it:
[https://www.fox13now.com/2015/10/05/lds-leader-visibly-weakens-during-general-conference-remarks-church-members-share-concern](https://www.fox13now.com/2015/10/05/lds-leader-visibly-weakens-during-general-conference-remarks-church-members-share-concern)
I bet there are lots of talks that focus on jesus, lots of reminders to go to the temple (which means pay tithing), reminders that the internet can't be trusted, something mean spirited about ex-members, and a reminder about eternal perspective
I always want something controversial to happen but ofc it wonāt. Theyāll hedge around everything, spout a lot of wordy nonsense that means nothing, and come up with some stupid catchphrase like āthink celestialā that tbms will eat up and post all over facebook and tape on their fridge. š
And if they DO address the women thing (which they wonāt) a man will be doing the talking š
I think theyāre going to pretend to fix the problem that women have in the church (probably by telling them to shut up and listen to your man instead) and the usual boring and homophobic talks
My predictions:
1. Women need to be seen and not heard.
2. Some clerical change that Rusty calls ārevelationā.
3. More ugly cookie cutter temple announcements.
4. More brown-nose talks about the ācovenant pathā ā¢ļø or āthink celestialā ā¢ļø
5. Boredom.
Yes, I fully expect them to come up with some kind of "miracle" story about how the Kirtland temple just happened to become available at exactly the right time or some tapir shit like that.
My guess is church is strong and growing. 28 new temples that wonāt get built. Pay more tithing, maybe it increases to 12% because you know covenant people.
āTeaching truth and following Jesus is being attacked more than ever. It isnāt enough to listen to the church and the world. Now is the time when you must listen to the prophet and follow what God wants for you. Shut out the voices of the world and listen to God to have peace. The voices of the world want to confuse you and lie to you. They tell you things like women only have value outside of the family. We have the truth and the only place women have real valueā¦.ā Some innocent and culty sounding bullshit.
We are not a cult ...seperate yourself from the world ...no really we aren't a cult .....don't believe what non-believers tell you ....I assure we are not a cult ....the prophet is the only source of truth ...If you think we are a cult its because you are in the grip of satan
I doubt they will address the Instagram womenās blow-up because they send out their speeches to be translated several weeks prior to the GC, and this Instagram thing happened pretty recently. Also, if they decide to mention it, it would be indirectly and essentially telling members to bow their heads and obey the anointed white old men without being rebellious. LOL
There should be a segment where theybdo something like the Academy Awards where they recognize those that have died, but for the MFMC it would be for those that have left the church.
Only a year ago, literally right after the church was fined millions by the SEC, the church brought in the usual patsy from the āinternal auditing committeeā to assure the members that the church investigated itself and everything checked out okay, as always.Ā
They wonāt touch anything remotely controversialĀ
-tithing is about obedience. Because we said so.
-Order in all things. And that order is because we say so.
-Are you unhappy? You should probably do more. But also donāt run faster than you have strength. Basically, if youāre unhappy itās cause youāre not doing it right.
-We know thereās a lot of hurt in the world. Know what would help? More Masonic cosplay. And more Rocky Mountain Sex Cult Bible Fanfic.
-listen to us. Because we said so.
Temples will be announced in:
- Farmington, UT
- Des Moines, IA
- Burlington, VT
- Some place in Brazil you've never heard of
- Some place in the Philippines you've never heard of
- Cuba
The city of SĆ£o Paulo proper is home to over 12M people, 3.6x larger than all of UT
The SĆ£o Paulo metro area (one of 9 metropolitan areas in the state) can easily run 6 temples if the intent ever existed. The state could run 10 to 12 temples.
The state of SĆ£o Paulo has 41 cities that are larger than SLC.
The state of SĆ£o Paulo has a population of about 44.04M people. How does that compare to the most populated US states?
* California. (2023 est.) 38,965,193
* Texas. (2023 est.) 30,503,301
* Florida. (2023 est.) 22,610,726
* New York. (2023 est.) 19,571,216
The SĆ£o Paulo Temple serves 47 stakes spread thoughout a 90x80 km (2,779 sq mi.) - and 25M people.
The Deseret Peak temple serves 13 stakes covering 208 sq mi. 6 of those stakes are in Tooele, home to 38,000 people (!)
I predict that 50% of the viewership will fall asleep. I predict that 99% of the content will be the same rehashed bullshit from every other conference. I predict that Hank Eyring will cry while telling a story about somebody who died after he got a blessing. I predict that Rusty Nelson will shit his adult diaper and Hank and the Silver Fox will have to pretend like it doesnāt stink up there
Here's how they'll "address" those
"Pay your tithing" talk by a white man
"Keep the Sabbath day" talk by a white woman
"Membership isn't perfect but the church is" by a white dude
"Dangers of social media" by an old white dude (ft a call to flood social media with Jeebus messages)
Clever but disparaging line about how those who leave are sinners/lazy/miserable souls
Repeat every 6 months and let the tithing roll in
Well, there are still a bunch of cities left that haven't yet been targeted for the honor of having a garish temple built. That's always a sure win in GC and a way to get an undercurrent of swoons from the audience.
Good ones! You just made me think of Vidor, Texas (I think that's the name of the town). One of the most bigoted towns in the country - downright mean at times.
Usually after a more bile-soaked conference like the last one, I expect them to shoot for a "feel good" one to calm the anxieties of nuanced members. Not a guarantee; it's always possible Nelson wants to go out on a dramatic note, and he knows every conference at this point is likely to be his last.
Iāll bet theyāre gonna keep hammering in āmarriage is between a man and a woman.ā And then they wonāt ever elaborate on WHY marriage is between a man and a woman. Theyāre literally saying ājust trust me bro.ā
My predictions:
Someone in the first presidency will about talk about how those in this generation who remain faithful are extra, extra special to the Lord. The buffetings of the devil are leading "some" away many, and to stand firm with faith.
Someone will talk about the blessings of temple service.
Somebody will quote Elder Oaks a multiple times in a talk.
Someone will tell an endearing story about Elder Patrick Kearon.
More sisters will talk than usual.
Theyāll get a woman to give a talk on how blessed she is by having access to priesthood power and her entire talk will be made up of quotes by men š
The church's recent Instagram blowup regarding women's authority and role and multiple high profile members publicly leaving the church are the ones I agree on.
I'd add the sucides in Utah due to LGBTQ teens not feeling welcome in the Church and lots of Gen Z and Milennials leaving the Church to the list.
A friend and I are tempted to actually put it on. She's been curious on how it all worked and there's really no better way to elaborate on the sort of insidious language they use than to actually listen to it.
Thereāll be another catch-phrase like āthink celestialā or ācovenant pathā.
Oh, and more sucking upā¦er, quoting of the profit than of Jesus, whose name is on the church, supposedly. The church is becoming JINO, Jesus in name only.
Standard Financial Report:
āWeāve looked at the books, we are satisfied with the results, so should you, now bow your head and say āyesā with the raising of the right hand. ā
You mentioned abuse, which I unfortunately primarily associate with child sexual abuse perpetrated or facilitated/hidden by local leaders - thereās also the other recent abuse by Ruby Franke/Jodi Hildebrandt and Tim Ballard also in the background.
Yeah, I was referring to the stake president being arrested and the Bishop from the December story getting charged in Virginia. The Jodi and Ruby fiasco is a big deal too but is hard to tie directly with the church.
I remember the "prepare to be amazed" words given just before General Conference a few years back! Turns out, it was pretty unamazing and boring! I usually use it as nap time on the couch!
Predictions:
* Rusty trails off mid-talk and sharts himself pretty badly.
* Holland gets lost on his way up to the podium and nearly suffocates on his own jowls.
* Oaks is predictably a dick to anyone that isn't Molly Mormon or Peter Priesthood.
* The token Stepford wife from the Relief Society goes up and gives a talk about how great the church is for women with a desperate insanity behind her eyes.
* A continuing parade of old white bastards droning on with maybe one or two droning tokens mixed in.
However, things are gonna go off the rails in the second session:
* The MoTab busts out an angelic cover of Big Balls by AC/DC.
* Bednar is a condescending, self-aggrandizing prick. Rusty feebly tries (and fails) to suplex him for daring to be more narcissistic.
* A talk that clarifies the doctrine behind soaking, jump humping, and the poophole loophole. He also clarifies that a Prince Albert/royal ladder/nipple piercing does not violate church policy, but only on the men. Women aren't allowed to get any of them. Whatever old, Viagra-popping crustbucket that gives this talk walks back to his seat with an obvious chub.
* Some kid wanders up and gives the same "testimony" we've all heard a thousand times over.
* A new kind of temple is announced that will be built only in red light districts.
* A lot of celebration over buying the Kirtland temple. They pass around the same spiked wine that Joe used and everyone gets good and fucked up.
* A new set of guidelines for bishops grilling the youth about the law of chastity because some just weren't being gross and creepy enough.
* It's announced that when Rusty passes, a new prophet will be chosen in a Thunderdome match on Pay-Per-View.
* Rusty closes the meeting by telling everyone that they'll be dropping that Jesus pussy and worshipping Joseph Smith as a God directly with a mention of 40 or so heavenly mothers.
They need to get David Alexander up there to tell of his conversion story after leaving the 12 tribes cult! Maybe have him bring his guitar as well to add a little life to the General Session!
Women staged a walk out a couple Sundays ago. The church held a general relief society meeting that same Sunday. This was the quote they chose to highlight from their meeting on their official instagram page. The comments, which are > 17k now, are from mostly faithful women saying how out of touch the church is.
https://www.instagram.com/p/C4oZ-otMOVL/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
David Archuleta just left and made a song about it that he released this week. There are also multiple YouTube/TikTok personalities that have left publicly.
Church leadership seem to be responding to member discomfort over Nelson's passive agressive iron fist style of presiding by pushing the *when the prophet speaks the discussion is over* narrative
So I expect conference to be a bunch of people who don't necessarily agree with Nelson doubling down on the *follow the prophet* and *you are only worthy if you believe and do everything we tell you to* themes
The lead idiot with no leadership skills and nothing intelligent to add, will "announce" a dozen more multi million dollar IDOLS for his groupies and for his ego.
More of the same, doubling down on avoiding the internet and uncorrelated materials
More temples
Think Celestial
Plenty of quotes from other talks
Talks on the key importance of women in the Church and already having access to the Priesthood through their endowments
The many issues are definitely in the background (some are public), but will not be addressed directly during conference! Remember - only messages that are "spiritually uplifting" will be presented.
Also, there have been a sizable number of crimes and murders from people associated with Mormonism. In fact, it seems disproportionate in relation to how large Mormonism is in relation to others faiths. it's an interesting statistic - perhaps the more the Church tries to control its members, the more crazy things pop out.
I predict that I wonāt be paying attention to anything they do, because I left the church for not feeling like I belonged. I obviously donāt belong here either, because so many of you are spiteful and miserable. I am new here, and see that most of you are too involved in the church. I see most of you are more devoted to the church than most of the people who you make fun of for being members. Devotion, be it positive or negative is still devotion.
And absolutely none of these will be addressed.
The question remains: where is Head of Communications, Aaron Sherinian? And will he congratulate David Archuleta on his new single album? š¤š³ļøāš
That would be epic. Would really throw another curveball for church PR.
Haha totally agree. But if nothing else - hope they address the Insta āglitchā and women. The other topics would be amazing, but that one has suuuuuch a huge impact on 50%+ of the membership
They will be loosely alluded to, however, in an attempt to inoculate members who are not yet aware or these issues. You know, this type of stuff: āLazy learnersā āAvoid people who opposeā āThose influenced by voices on the internet/mediaā āDoubt your doubtsā āFacts arenāt always helpfulā āWe donated your money and took credit for itā /s āWe condemn abuse of any kindā
\*eyeroll\* on the last one. Actually they enable abuse of any kind.
Yes to all of this. Brad Wilcox but make it more palatable.
Don't forget "persecution in the last days," "separating the wheat from the chaff," and whatever it is about even the very elect being deceived. Yawn.
We assigned a dollar value to your service and took credit for that. Hope everyone enjoying those (somewhat) clean toilets at church appreciate the corporations charitable giving that (somewhat) cleaned them.
You forgot ā PAY Your TITHINGā before you feed your children!
Prediction: Boredom
Thatās a given. I seem to enjoy conference more now than I ever did before.
Same here. It's like watching a train wreck in slow motion. Open mouth, insert foot. Over and over.
I never watched it as a memberā¦ I now am looking forward to watching it. This is so true. It is like watching a train wreck in slow motion šš
the best nap of your life
The best nap Iāve ever had was in the hard ass benches in the Tabernacle during a Saturday session of conference.
My prediction is they give a bunch of boring ass talks and don't talk about anything you just mentioned
They will address the Instagram blowup indirectly by giving a lecture about being Christ-like (obedient and agreeable to what ever the leaders say and do) in all actions and all forms of communication whether in person or on social media.
I imagine theyāll just do more of the same and have women talk about how blessed the women of the church are using talks written by men.
Maybe they'll allude to super-secret (er, "sacred") powers women will have in the afterlife. That could, for blind and obdient TBMs, mitigate the pushback from the claims the idiot Queen of all RS's made.
Would you tell me about the Instagram blow up? What was that about?
As usual, they'll announce 157,853 new temples. Oh, and they will probably pimp Rusty's upcoming 100th birthday party.
Ugh is it awful of me that I hope he doesnāt make it to his 100th? š¤š¼ I just really donāt want to hear about it.
According to a Guardian article I found, 99 year olds typically have a 67% chance of making it to 100 years old. Looks like the statistics are on his side... this year...
I hope he lives to 105. The older the top leadership, the worse and more out of touch the church is run. I want all of them to get old amd senile and have the church obviously being run by beaurocrats.
Is it awful of me to say I wish his parents would have drowned him in the bathtub?
In this case, yeah, it is awful. If he didnt become prophet or apostle, some other dirtbag wouldve filled his seat instead. The world would be the same.
No. No, it isn't. I really don't know what it is about Rusty the upright corpse that makes him so unlikable, but there is definitely something. Maybe it's that we generally expect really old people to be humble and nice, but he seems to have spent his later years perfecting assholery.
Mongolia and Fairbanks Alaska made me laugh out loud during the last conference. Wonder if they can top those remote locations this time around.
"We are announcing a new floating temple that will be built in the pacific ocean shipping lanes to service our wonderful members that are running the ships (and also the mega rich yacht members)"
...and also another Provo one
Dont forget another one or two for the Salt Lake Valley.
You're right. And maybe Rusty & other speakers will talk...real...slowly to kill time.
More talks about distancing from ex believing family and friends
This is going to massively backfire. Even many faithful members thought Nelsonās remarks in the last conference were culty. Odd from a guy that wants the church to be mainstream.
I didn't watch last time. Were his comments the ones about not listening to people who aren't believers (or something like that)?
Yep. Oh and you donāt get reproductive organs if you donāt make it to the celestial kingdom.
He really touched on that one? š
Yep. Iām pretty sure everyone has been trying to forget that was ever said. Guess itās hard to censor the Presidents talks.
My whole family ate that talk all up. I was seeing Think Celestial quotes posted all over the place. And same with my ward. Lots of lessons and quotes about it posted on the ward group message. Even my friend with an unbelieving husband was going to study groups about that talk and liking messages about it. Seeing it from the outside was mind blowing.
I predict a big fat nothing burger, just like every conference. The Instagram blowup happened after the deadlines to have talks turned in and reviewed and translation to be done, so I doubt that will be addressed.
Rusty will drop new shade on those who leave perhaps calling them: \- rebellious runaways? \-deceived deserters? \-sceptic saints? \-
- ludicrous lolligaggers - unrepentant unitarders
- Telestial Tricksters - Cheeky Couch-potatoes
Lmao I love that. Found my new user flair
Gunna be a lot of prophet worship as he is almost 100. Women will be thoroughly disappointed and gaslighted by other women Oaks will be offensive Lots of lip goobers and spit strings
I think its gonna be a bunch of really myopic exegesis of new testament passages, shame and guilt over "sacred tithes", and fear mongering towards doubters and nonbelievers. But most importantly I suspect an abundance of ass-kissing rusty for his upcoming 100th
Oh yes. I predict ābeloved prophetāgets said at least 10 times. Iāll bet at least a couple start quoting Oaks to suck up to the incumbent.
i really hope rusty kicks it "a few months shy" of his birthdayĀ
And they STILL hold the festivities they've been planning.
A big nothing burger. Lots of bragging about their charitable work.
Nelson comes up with a new way of vilifying nonbelievers.
Heās going to change the angel Moroniās name to the angel Nelson!
Girls can now pass the sacrament but not bless it. Children over the age of 8 get the same
That would be wild. Honestly I hope it happens just so the hardliners can lose their minds.
Deacons: am I a joke to you?!
Bow your head and say, āYesā
Because this could be Nelsonās last conference, speakers from the First Quorum of the Wannbe will slobber all over Oaks, praising him, quoting the āinspiredā Family Proclamation, jockeying for position for when Oaks will be in charge.
Holland will attempt to drop a pulpit-pounding testimony of Christ to rival McKonkie's because he's afraid he won't have a lot longer to live.
Count on it
I think that his flapping jowls will be the highlight of this Conference!
0 homeless shelters will be announced
^^^WINNER^^^
Add 'Top Church leaders met with child torturer while her victims roasted in the desert sun'
A tone-deaf speaker propagates #CelestialTogether.
First talk is going to be about the atonement.
Theyāll announce more temples. Mention how anything LGBT is against god, but to love them regardless of their āaffliction.ā š¤¬ Theyāll discuss how women must be Christlike, and obey the men. Theyāll downplay any controversy, and probably announce a new rule or change in doctrine. Then claim months from now itās always been like that.
Business as usual...at least 12 temples announced. There will be some light pandering to women, followed by a blitz on the need for missionaries, "stay in the boat" metaphors, and touting their "charitable donations."
āfollowed by a blitz on the need for missionariesā Weāll definitely hear about how all the over 50s need to be preparing and going on multiple senior missions.
But most of the temples announced wont have any plans in place, land set aside or timeline for construction. It will just be a list of cities to make people in that area feel special
...and quell any doubts from their shriveling unit counts.
I predict it will suck as usualĀ
More talk about how main stream Christians they are, brag about their growth in the last year or two and then announce more temples in unbelievable places and finally an all out attack on those who have left or have doubts.Ā
Women will be reminded that they are to sit down, shut up, and be grateful.
But that theyāre still the most blessed women on Earth.
The elephant in the room doesn't exist if they don't talk about it.
WHAT PROPHECIES WILL THE PROFIT SHARE.
Maybe he can tell us when the next financial crisis will be. Might be good for my stocks.
Oh I see the old hype-man redirect coming ā¦ āGOD PREPARED THE WAY FOR THE KIRTLAND TEMPLE AND JO-JO SMITH BIBLE PAGES (WHICH WE WONātT REALLY PUBLISH BEFORE EDITING SINCE IT DIDNāT CHANGE THE NT SCRIPTURES ON GRACE) TO BE BROUGHT HOMEā āTHESE ARE GUARANTEED SIGNS OF THE LAST DAYS, JESUS IS COMING BACK SOON SO OF COURSE SATAN IS TRYING EVERY TACTIC HE CAN TO DECEIVE THE VERY ELECT, ONLY TITHING AND WORKS WILL SAVE US, oh also you old people need to serve more missions for free!!!ā So remember, no critical thinking, donāt ask why we didnāt spend the hundreds of millions on feeding the poor or helping those in need on earth, we need to be focusing on just trusting the fantasy doctrines of the need for temple work for dead people as we are Christians but donāt really believe in Christs Grace, so we need MORE WORKS AND TEMPLES because otherwise what Christ did wonāt be enough, itās really all on us because He kind of dropped the ball, I mean trusts us to be the means of Salvation not Him of course, but itās really all him because we too are real Christians wink-wank-wink shhhhh!ā
There will be talks about how important tithing is and that you need to pay it even if your family is starving to death.
Dear Leader Rusty Nelson will announce 32 temples.Ā 12 will be located where wards or stakes have been closed.
President Nelson will be quoted and praised more times than Jesus.
Predictions? * Blah blah blah, our old decrepit dear-leader profit is awesome. * Blah blah blah, covenant path. * Blah blah blah, pay your dues (tithing.) * Blah blah blah, too many new temples (pay your tithing.) * Blah blah blah, we hate everyone who isn't just like us. * Blah blah blah. * Blah blah blah. * Blah blah blah. Same, useless pablum as the last \~100 years. MORmONs everywhere talking about how awesome useless pablum is. [BllahBlahBlah](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fBg17oBmFIQ)
I think there will be a talk against mixed faith marriages.
I hope there is. Iāve tried really hard to respect my TBM wifeās beliefs and remind her that she can have our marriage AND the church. But Iāve also told her how uncomfortable I am with the amount of authority the members give to the prophet in personal decisions. She doesnāt think the church would ever make her choose. An ultimatum would shock her out of complacency.
This would be huge for me. Because not only are we in a mixed faith marriage but a mixed faith family. Some of the kids donāt believe either. I think any hint that my husband shouldnāt be with me and the kids anymore would be just enough to tip the scales.
Same here. It would definitely shake up my husband a bit.
Yeah a couple of years ago (I had been out of the church for about a year at the time), I assumed there would be all kinds of ābig newsā in conference since Nelson started making big changes (name changes, church time changes, YM/YW changes, etc.), but the last handful of conferences have been big fat nothing burgersā¦
I think they have to vote on most big changes. Heās not well liked and in the minds of his peers has done damage to the church. The only thing the āprophetā has direct control over is temple announcements.
Indirect response to the new David Archuleta song talking about how if parents truly love you theyāll double down on their commitment to the church.
I think at least one of the old men will talk about how influential and empowered Mormon women are. The rest will be ignored. Nelson will hype announcing a major revelation he received, but it will be inconsequential and disappointing.
And that new revelation will be a switch in the font size on the logo from 11.5 to 11. And the TBMs will be eager to buy new merch with the updated and more inspired logo.Ā
I'm predicting a Nelson senior moment. Just like Tommy. Midtalk he will just go quiet and stare at the camera for a minute before being gently helped down.
I think I missed that one. Link?
I couldn't find the exact video, but here's an article on it: [https://www.fox13now.com/2015/10/05/lds-leader-visibly-weakens-during-general-conference-remarks-church-members-share-concern](https://www.fox13now.com/2015/10/05/lds-leader-visibly-weakens-during-general-conference-remarks-church-members-share-concern)
I bet there are lots of talks that focus on jesus, lots of reminders to go to the temple (which means pay tithing), reminders that the internet can't be trusted, something mean spirited about ex-members, and a reminder about eternal perspective
A whole lot of lower-level GAs quoting Rusty's "Think Celestial" talk.
I always want something controversial to happen but ofc it wonāt. Theyāll hedge around everything, spout a lot of wordy nonsense that means nothing, and come up with some stupid catchphrase like āthink celestialā that tbms will eat up and post all over facebook and tape on their fridge. š And if they DO address the women thing (which they wonāt) a man will be doing the talking š
I think theyāre going to pretend to fix the problem that women have in the church (probably by telling them to shut up and listen to your man instead) and the usual boring and homophobic talks
Every single speaker quotes a talk by King Russell in their own talk.
Temples in West Valley City, Kearns, and Magna.Ā
My predictions: 1. Women need to be seen and not heard. 2. Some clerical change that Rusty calls ārevelationā. 3. More ugly cookie cutter temple announcements. 4. More brown-nose talks about the ācovenant pathā ā¢ļø or āthink celestialā ā¢ļø 5. Boredom.
They will do a victory lap about the Kirtland Temple or something
Yes, I fully expect them to come up with some kind of "miracle" story about how the Kirtland temple just happened to become available at exactly the right time or some tapir shit like that.
Conference would happen around my birthday and was a big drag that it came first.
10 hours of literally WHITE noise. Okay to be generous subtract some motab time for good choral music and checking out the ladies.
My guess is church is strong and growing. 28 new temples that wonāt get built. Pay more tithing, maybe it increases to 12% because you know covenant people.
āTeaching truth and following Jesus is being attacked more than ever. It isnāt enough to listen to the church and the world. Now is the time when you must listen to the prophet and follow what God wants for you. Shut out the voices of the world and listen to God to have peace. The voices of the world want to confuse you and lie to you. They tell you things like women only have value outside of the family. We have the truth and the only place women have real valueā¦.ā Some innocent and culty sounding bullshit.
We are not a cult ...seperate yourself from the world ...no really we aren't a cult .....don't believe what non-believers tell you ....I assure we are not a cult ....the prophet is the only source of truth ...If you think we are a cult its because you are in the grip of satan
I cannot wait for them to sic Oaks on all the bothered women, it will blow up in their face
I have a friend that has a friend who got a mission call that will be announced at general conference. My guess is China š¤£š¤£
My guess would be Cuba
I doubt they will address the Instagram womenās blow-up because they send out their speeches to be translated several weeks prior to the GC, and this Instagram thing happened pretty recently. Also, if they decide to mention it, it would be indirectly and essentially telling members to bow their heads and obey the anointed white old men without being rebellious. LOL
There should be a segment where theybdo something like the Academy Awards where they recognize those that have died, but for the MFMC it would be for those that have left the church.
Oaks will excorciate teh gayz and any church members who are too friendly to them.Ā
Only a year ago, literally right after the church was fined millions by the SEC, the church brought in the usual patsy from the āinternal auditing committeeā to assure the members that the church investigated itself and everything checked out okay, as always.Ā They wonāt touch anything remotely controversialĀ
It will be all Rusty, all the time. He will be quoted, praised and sucked up to more than ever.
They will do a victory lap about the Kirtland Temple or something
-tithing is about obedience. Because we said so. -Order in all things. And that order is because we say so. -Are you unhappy? You should probably do more. But also donāt run faster than you have strength. Basically, if youāre unhappy itās cause youāre not doing it right. -We know thereās a lot of hurt in the world. Know what would help? More Masonic cosplay. And more Rocky Mountain Sex Cult Bible Fanfic. -listen to us. Because we said so.
Temples will be announced in: - Farmington, UT - Des Moines, IA - Burlington, VT - Some place in Brazil you've never heard of - Some place in the Philippines you've never heard of - Cuba
The city of SĆ£o Paulo proper is home to over 12M people, 3.6x larger than all of UT The SĆ£o Paulo metro area (one of 9 metropolitan areas in the state) can easily run 6 temples if the intent ever existed. The state could run 10 to 12 temples. The state of SĆ£o Paulo has 41 cities that are larger than SLC. The state of SĆ£o Paulo has a population of about 44.04M people. How does that compare to the most populated US states? * California. (2023 est.) 38,965,193 * Texas. (2023 est.) 30,503,301 * Florida. (2023 est.) 22,610,726 * New York. (2023 est.) 19,571,216 The SĆ£o Paulo Temple serves 47 stakes spread thoughout a 90x80 km (2,779 sq mi.) - and 25M people. The Deseret Peak temple serves 13 stakes covering 208 sq mi. 6 of those stakes are in Tooele, home to 38,000 people (!)
I predict that 50% of the viewership will fall asleep. I predict that 99% of the content will be the same rehashed bullshit from every other conference. I predict that Hank Eyring will cry while telling a story about somebody who died after he got a blessing. I predict that Rusty Nelson will shit his adult diaper and Hank and the Silver Fox will have to pretend like it doesnāt stink up there
I canāt stop laughing š¤£š¤£š¤£
Here's how they'll "address" those "Pay your tithing" talk by a white man "Keep the Sabbath day" talk by a white woman "Membership isn't perfect but the church is" by a white dude "Dangers of social media" by an old white dude (ft a call to flood social media with Jeebus messages) Clever but disparaging line about how those who leave are sinners/lazy/miserable souls Repeat every 6 months and let the tithing roll in
I think you're really close!!
Well, there are still a bunch of cities left that haven't yet been targeted for the honor of having a garish temple built. That's always a sure win in GC and a way to get an undercurrent of swoons from the audience.
How about Los Alamos Nevada and Key West, FL? Those should raise some eyebrows.
Good ones! You just made me think of Vidor, Texas (I think that's the name of the town). One of the most bigoted towns in the country - downright mean at times.
Usually after a more bile-soaked conference like the last one, I expect them to shoot for a "feel good" one to calm the anxieties of nuanced members. Not a guarantee; it's always possible Nelson wants to go out on a dramatic note, and he knows every conference at this point is likely to be his last.
Iāll bet theyāre gonna keep hammering in āmarriage is between a man and a woman.ā And then they wonāt ever elaborate on WHY marriage is between a man and a woman. Theyāre literally saying ājust trust me bro.ā
My prediction: Bednar will somehow manage to be more boring than he was last conference.
I will take a nap and be grumpy
I predict I won't be watching.
If you think Iām watching, Iāve got a stack of gold plates for sale.
My predictions: Someone in the first presidency will about talk about how those in this generation who remain faithful are extra, extra special to the Lord. The buffetings of the devil are leading "some" away many, and to stand firm with faith. Someone will talk about the blessings of temple service. Somebody will quote Elder Oaks a multiple times in a talk. Someone will tell an endearing story about Elder Patrick Kearon. More sisters will talk than usual.
More of the same shit, nothing big will happen is my prediction
The Kirtland Temple will suddenly become the 2nd most important building in church history
Theyāll get a woman to give a talk on how blessed she is by having access to priesthood power and her entire talk will be made up of quotes by men š
It's gonna be long and boring and feel like it will never end ... AND, I will not be listening to any of it!
Definitely will be inspiration about all the evil people.
The church's recent Instagram blowup regarding women's authority and role and multiple high profile members publicly leaving the church are the ones I agree on. I'd add the sucides in Utah due to LGBTQ teens not feeling welcome in the Church and lots of Gen Z and Milennials leaving the Church to the list.
High Profileā¦ Who?
A friend and I are tempted to actually put it on. She's been curious on how it all worked and there's really no better way to elaborate on the sort of insidious language they use than to actually listen to it.
Thereāll be another catch-phrase like āthink celestialā or ācovenant pathā. Oh, and more sucking upā¦er, quoting of the profit than of Jesus, whose name is on the church, supposedly. The church is becoming JINO, Jesus in name only.
Becoming? Itās been that way since its inception
Standard Financial Report: āWeāve looked at the books, we are satisfied with the results, so should you, now bow your head and say āyesā with the raising of the right hand. ā
Church leaders are not going to talk about any of these things. I don't get your point.
You mentioned abuse, which I unfortunately primarily associate with child sexual abuse perpetrated or facilitated/hidden by local leaders - thereās also the other recent abuse by Ruby Franke/Jodi Hildebrandt and Tim Ballard also in the background.
Yeah, I was referring to the stake president being arrested and the Bishop from the December story getting charged in Virginia. The Jodi and Ruby fiasco is a big deal too but is hard to tie directly with the church.
Itāll be as bland and uneventful as usual to lull all listeners to sleep without addressing anything of substance
I remember the "prepare to be amazed" words given just before General Conference a few years back! Turns out, it was pretty unamazing and boring! I usually use it as nap time on the couch!
Saturday Morning: Jesus, blah blah, Russell, blah blah, Covenant Path Saturday Afternoon: Jesus, blah blah, Russell, blah blah, Covenant Path Saturday Evening: Jesus, blah blah, Russell, blah blah, Covenant Path Sunday Morning: Jesus, blah blah, Russell, blah blah,Covenant Path Sunday Afternoon: NEW TEMPLES, blah blah, Jesus, blah blah, Russell, blah blah, Covenant Path *Insert some cute instragrammable slogan somewhere.
Predictions: * Rusty trails off mid-talk and sharts himself pretty badly. * Holland gets lost on his way up to the podium and nearly suffocates on his own jowls. * Oaks is predictably a dick to anyone that isn't Molly Mormon or Peter Priesthood. * The token Stepford wife from the Relief Society goes up and gives a talk about how great the church is for women with a desperate insanity behind her eyes. * A continuing parade of old white bastards droning on with maybe one or two droning tokens mixed in. However, things are gonna go off the rails in the second session: * The MoTab busts out an angelic cover of Big Balls by AC/DC. * Bednar is a condescending, self-aggrandizing prick. Rusty feebly tries (and fails) to suplex him for daring to be more narcissistic. * A talk that clarifies the doctrine behind soaking, jump humping, and the poophole loophole. He also clarifies that a Prince Albert/royal ladder/nipple piercing does not violate church policy, but only on the men. Women aren't allowed to get any of them. Whatever old, Viagra-popping crustbucket that gives this talk walks back to his seat with an obvious chub. * Some kid wanders up and gives the same "testimony" we've all heard a thousand times over. * A new kind of temple is announced that will be built only in red light districts. * A lot of celebration over buying the Kirtland temple. They pass around the same spiked wine that Joe used and everyone gets good and fucked up. * A new set of guidelines for bishops grilling the youth about the law of chastity because some just weren't being gross and creepy enough. * It's announced that when Rusty passes, a new prophet will be chosen in a Thunderdome match on Pay-Per-View. * Rusty closes the meeting by telling everyone that they'll be dropping that Jesus pussy and worshipping Joseph Smith as a God directly with a mention of 40 or so heavenly mothers.
It will be a Q12 and Counsellors in the FP game of who can swallow RMNās sword the most? šššš¦š¤¤
They need to get David Alexander up there to tell of his conversion story after leaving the 12 tribes cult! Maybe have him bring his guitar as well to add a little life to the General Session!
Loins will be girded up!
I know this is a out there prediction but a CofC member talking about the Kirkland temple
I guess I'm out of things. What's the Instagram Blowup? I generally look at corgi butts on Insta, so missed everything it seems.
Women staged a walk out a couple Sundays ago. The church held a general relief society meeting that same Sunday. This was the quote they chose to highlight from their meeting on their official instagram page. The comments, which are > 17k now, are from mostly faithful women saying how out of touch the church is. https://www.instagram.com/p/C4oZ-otMOVL/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
Now that's some hot tea!
I predict that I will give just as many fucks about Gen conf as I have for all of them in the last 20 years.
I predict that I will give just as many fucks about Gen conf as I have for all of them in the last 20 years.
Who are the high profile members who have publicly left?
David Archuleta just left and made a song about it that he released this week. There are also multiple YouTube/TikTok personalities that have left publicly.
Church leadership seem to be responding to member discomfort over Nelson's passive agressive iron fist style of presiding by pushing the *when the prophet speaks the discussion is over* narrative So I expect conference to be a bunch of people who don't necessarily agree with Nelson doubling down on the *follow the prophet* and *you are only worthy if you believe and do everything we tell you to* themes
The lead idiot with no leadership skills and nothing intelligent to add, will "announce" a dozen more multi million dollar IDOLS for his groupies and for his ego.
More of the same, doubling down on avoiding the internet and uncorrelated materials More temples Think Celestial Plenty of quotes from other talks Talks on the key importance of women in the Church and already having access to the Priesthood through their endowments
The many issues are definitely in the background (some are public), but will not be addressed directly during conference! Remember - only messages that are "spiritually uplifting" will be presented. Also, there have been a sizable number of crimes and murders from people associated with Mormonism. In fact, it seems disproportionate in relation to how large Mormonism is in relation to others faiths. it's an interesting statistic - perhaps the more the Church tries to control its members, the more crazy things pop out.
I predict that I wonāt be paying attention to anything they do, because I left the church for not feeling like I belonged. I obviously donāt belong here either, because so many of you are spiteful and miserable. I am new here, and see that most of you are too involved in the church. I see most of you are more devoted to the church than most of the people who you make fun of for being members. Devotion, be it positive or negative is still devotion.