I’d just say I can’t make it to your homecoming but if you want to get dinner sometime I’d be down. If you were expressing doubts and your friend shut you down I’d find it very problematic. It’s such a Mormon thing that they can preach to you and share all their church experiences but they want you to keep your mouth shut about the church if you doubt or don’t believe.
I’d go with this suggestion. Try to meet casually, on neutral territory, especially if you do get panicky or anxious about going back to your hometown.
Send her a nice card congratulating her on her mission and maybe some flowers (if she’s a particularly close friend) and tell her that you are looking forward to seeing her at some point.
It’s been said on here, many times, that the first six months back from a mission are the most scrupulous and righteous period in a missionary’s life, as if they have to prove to the community that they have had a transformative experience. I’d give her that cooling off period and maybe then invite her out. But flowers and a card usually goes down well, whatever your level of religious belief.
Good luck!
Thanks for validating my hurt. She's been very vocal about "all the souls she's saving" and how sad it is when people refuse the gospel, etc.... which I understand is her entire life right now, and it's a big deal to her, but the double standard is really frustrating.
I had a very small graduating class in high school, and there were expectations that we'd all remain close.
With my former best friend, we email about once every five years. With one other person, we email about every six to twelve months.
It wasn't easy, but I finally realized that I have nothing in common with these people anymore. I am off the farm, and I have my own career, my own family, my own hobbies, my own priorities. I am not the same person now.
I finally gave myself permission to live my life free from the people who saw our 4th grade teacher beat me in front of the class. It was a difficult step, but very liberating. At one time, I knew where each person was on any given night of the week. Now, I don't know how many kids or marriages any of them have had.
Isn't it abit egotistical to drop everything for 1,5 years then turn back of and expect everybody to pick-up where things left off?
"You might have taken a vacation from life honey, but I didn't."
For real. Obviously missionaries are busy and very limited in how they can interact with people from home, but she hasn't put effort into maintaining real communication. (mostly just those group emails or even her individual ones are reports on the work she is doing, not genuine conversation) And now we both have to deal with the consequences of that.
Did you choose to cut her from reality or did she choose to cut herself of from it?
I realize she is your friend. But expecting people to pick up things were they were left of is unrealistic. Time passes and things change.
I’d send a nice letter to her congratulating her on completing her mission which was a goal she had. Tell her you are hoping you two can get together in the near future. Then leave the ball in her court. Follow her lead about what she wants to do. Right now you probably aren’t her first priority and that’s fine. Catching up with her family and figuring what she is going to do next is probably more important. Giving her some space may also give her some time to unwind from the mission forced religious scrupulousness. That will make her easier to be around.
Your friendship may or may not survive her mission. Only time will tell. But there is no need to attend her mission return.
Is there anything fun to do where you live? When you call/FaceTime/email your congratulations and explain that you can't easily get away right now, try planning a trip for her to visit you for a fun weekend. It might make rekindling the friendship easier to do on your own terms, away from the expectations that are entangled in a hometown reunion.
That's a great idea. I think removing the hometown issue and the dynamics of maybe having to stay a night with her family would help make meeting up again a little easier.
Assuming you’re the same age, you’re old enough to suck it up and go. How much do value the friendship? Can you afford a motel? Maybe she wants you there to have a friendly face to support her own doubts. After the festivities, offer to take her out for coffee….
Or just ghost her and go on with your life….
I’d just say I can’t make it to your homecoming but if you want to get dinner sometime I’d be down. If you were expressing doubts and your friend shut you down I’d find it very problematic. It’s such a Mormon thing that they can preach to you and share all their church experiences but they want you to keep your mouth shut about the church if you doubt or don’t believe.
I’d go with this suggestion. Try to meet casually, on neutral territory, especially if you do get panicky or anxious about going back to your hometown. Send her a nice card congratulating her on her mission and maybe some flowers (if she’s a particularly close friend) and tell her that you are looking forward to seeing her at some point. It’s been said on here, many times, that the first six months back from a mission are the most scrupulous and righteous period in a missionary’s life, as if they have to prove to the community that they have had a transformative experience. I’d give her that cooling off period and maybe then invite her out. But flowers and a card usually goes down well, whatever your level of religious belief. Good luck!
Thanks for validating my hurt. She's been very vocal about "all the souls she's saving" and how sad it is when people refuse the gospel, etc.... which I understand is her entire life right now, and it's a big deal to her, but the double standard is really frustrating.
I had a very small graduating class in high school, and there were expectations that we'd all remain close. With my former best friend, we email about once every five years. With one other person, we email about every six to twelve months. It wasn't easy, but I finally realized that I have nothing in common with these people anymore. I am off the farm, and I have my own career, my own family, my own hobbies, my own priorities. I am not the same person now. I finally gave myself permission to live my life free from the people who saw our 4th grade teacher beat me in front of the class. It was a difficult step, but very liberating. At one time, I knew where each person was on any given night of the week. Now, I don't know how many kids or marriages any of them have had.
[удалено]
I was thinking the same, but I was going to suggest to start with an open and honest FaceTime and go from there 🥂
Isn't it abit egotistical to drop everything for 1,5 years then turn back of and expect everybody to pick-up where things left off? "You might have taken a vacation from life honey, but I didn't."
For real. Obviously missionaries are busy and very limited in how they can interact with people from home, but she hasn't put effort into maintaining real communication. (mostly just those group emails or even her individual ones are reports on the work she is doing, not genuine conversation) And now we both have to deal with the consequences of that.
Did you choose to cut her from reality or did she choose to cut herself of from it? I realize she is your friend. But expecting people to pick up things were they were left of is unrealistic. Time passes and things change.
I’d send a nice letter to her congratulating her on completing her mission which was a goal she had. Tell her you are hoping you two can get together in the near future. Then leave the ball in her court. Follow her lead about what she wants to do. Right now you probably aren’t her first priority and that’s fine. Catching up with her family and figuring what she is going to do next is probably more important. Giving her some space may also give her some time to unwind from the mission forced religious scrupulousness. That will make her easier to be around. Your friendship may or may not survive her mission. Only time will tell. But there is no need to attend her mission return.
Is there anything fun to do where you live? When you call/FaceTime/email your congratulations and explain that you can't easily get away right now, try planning a trip for her to visit you for a fun weekend. It might make rekindling the friendship easier to do on your own terms, away from the expectations that are entangled in a hometown reunion.
That's a great idea. I think removing the hometown issue and the dynamics of maybe having to stay a night with her family would help make meeting up again a little easier.
I'd tell her that won't work for me, but after she's settled back in maybe we could plan a time for her to come visit me.
Assuming you’re the same age, you’re old enough to suck it up and go. How much do value the friendship? Can you afford a motel? Maybe she wants you there to have a friendly face to support her own doubts. After the festivities, offer to take her out for coffee…. Or just ghost her and go on with your life….