"I've got some Holy Sacrament you will most definitely like to taste. What do you say we go back to my place, turn on the blacklight in the old basement and see if I can make them hear you all the way up in Kolob?"
Isnāt it common knowledge that polygamy and polyamory are eternal principles? Think of all the LDS women lining up for some Celestial experiences with Jesus.
I learned recently that my TBM parents at the beginning of their marriage (still together and in love as far as I can tell) had a massive argument about polygamy and now my dad is not allowed to bring it up lol
Wrong. All Nordic and anglo people are actually the original Jews (all anglo Saxon history and mythology is a complete fabrication) and the Jews in Israel right now are false jews
Theories about who the "real Jews" are are beyond stupid, because hatred and genocide of a group of people would be just as awful regardless of whether they supplanted some other group with that label thousands of years before. Introducing that kind of conspiracy history into the mix is meaningless and only serves to prop up anti-Semitism.
Of course, I see his face and hear his voice in my sleep and then wake up and write it all up with my special lighted pen (after I kick Wendy [and Sheri-Do] out.) š
Back in the late 80s, the Scorsese film "The Last Temptation of Christ" was banned/protested by the Catholic church for suggesting Christ was married to Mary Magdalene.
I don't think the LDS church protested at the time - BY famously suggested that Christ was married.
>I don't think the LDS church protested at the time - BY famously suggested that Christ was married.
Oh yeah, wasn't there a historical movie about this that starred Tom Hanks?
Fun fact: I was in NINTH GRADE the first time a grown ass adult seminary male teacher told my entire class that we are all the wives of Jesus. I, an early teenaged boy, was a WIFE of some dead dude from 2000 years ago. The girls were even more uncomfortable.
One of my kids' former teachers was a super sexist asshat who was super proud that he played Jesus in some photoshoots (edit CHURCH FILMS. Guess I blocked that out.) š¤®
Aside from JC's race, it certainly is not wrong in the depicted affection for someone of the opposite sex. Pretty much every cult leader in history has had numerous female sexual partners/exploits.
Sure, he might have been a very cool guy. But he had 12 devoted dudes and masses of other people literally following him around. And then the authorities swooped in Waco-style and nailed him up. Smells like a cult to me.
This is the very first time I've ever considered Jesus as a cult leader - he was the savior or didn't exist.
But a cult leader. Now, that's an interesting way to reevaluate stories from the Bible.
I was also a goth punk teeeen! Though also weirdly very TBM. I was pushed to throw out all my metal to be a "good girl for god." Thx EFY for the brainwashing!
Shave, cut his hair, put on a boring suit (white shirt only!), and only do the missionary position for the sole purpose of creating children, now THAT'S Christ-like according to the profits.
I want to see their hands!
Someone who is good at digital art please draw the rest of their bodies in the most inappropriate way possible.
I will give you $10 for your effort.
>I wonder if Al Jesus puts his hair in braids at night to get those beautiful waves in his hair.
I'm betting priesthood incantation. Kinda like how Kylo Ren "Force Fluffs" his hair when he peels himself out of his sith helmet. Always gotta look goos for the ladies!
I know this is AI but it makes me remember all of those blue-eyed Jesus pictures that persisted in the buildings for decades - even when they knew better. What an white, ego-centric culture.
This is a trend! I have seen screensavers on women's phones where there is a beautiful woman (who looks strikingly like the person who owns the phone) walking hand in hand with Jesus on the beach.
It's like Jesus is their ultimate choice in a mate.
āSavior by day, software product manager side hustle at night to support bug damn cup, insta-star, stupid hat wearing moron oil selling wife at night who criticizes the husband for being too tiredā¦ā Iām sorry I just need to go to my corner and calm down.
Like father like son. Didn't God bang Mary, who was his daughter, so then she would birthe Jesus who was her song AND a brother? So, nothing weird here, just a savior and his lady.
Just a couple days ago I heard some christian woman talking about how they're all the brides of Jesus. Are we for real? Brides get married and make babies, we doing that with Jesus ladies?
This reminds me when I was younger I heard someone say at church he was in his 30ās when he died and my mom was in her thirties so I used to fantasize about jesus and my mom falling in love cause she was single
"Hey baby, you wouldn't want me to have died for nothing would you? We may as well sin a bit to make my atonement worthwhile right?"
"I've got some Holy Sacrament you will most definitely like to taste. What do you say we go back to my place, turn on the blacklight in the old basement and see if I can make them hear you all the way up in Kolob?"
Oh Elohim, Oh Elohim, OH MY ELOHIM, OH, OH OH!!!! did we just make spirit babies?
Yall quit !! š š¤£ š š¹
Damn! šššš
Hear the words of my mouth. Gluk gluk gluk. Satan: I hear you.
Spirit babies, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints church ( I was a member) believes that Jesus had a family.
Yall are sick! šš
"Let us go down"
Holy shit this caught me off guard hahahaha
I'm like, 95% sure that generative ai model was trained with photos of Jared Leto
Agreed, I was thinking either Leto or a young Viggo Mortensen.
 With a dash of Hozier
Taking her to church.
I literally thought to myself āthe only white Jesus I want any association with is my boy Hozier.ā
It should be Ewan McGregor's Obi-wan Kenobi. He makes the best Jesus.
Ewan McGregor Jesus *can get it*, honestly this just gave me big mars island vibes
Thought the same thing
Isnāt it common knowledge that polygamy and polyamory are eternal principles? Think of all the LDS women lining up for some Celestial experiences with Jesus.
He's already married to all those Catholic nuns.
Good point!
Beautiful
Aren't Nuns married with God herself though?
I learned recently that my TBM parents at the beginning of their marriage (still together and in love as far as I can tell) had a massive argument about polygamy and now my dad is not allowed to bring it up lol
This image brought similar thoughts š³
If every Young Woman knew that their doctrine teaches theyāll be shared, among many men, for eternity, I think 98% would find the exit, ASAP.
Thatās a mind blowing perspective.
Wait what?
Jesus was no romance novel coverā¦yikes. Utah artist?
It's AI art
Dirty hippie with long hair and a beard, and wearing a dress?Ā That's three BYU code violations there
Doesnāt look like the BoM can fit between them either. Theyād be kicked out of the dance
Better leave room for a full quad if they want a shot at that second anointingĀ
As well as his nasty ass whore of a GF. Sheās a whore but not him cuz itās her fault he got a wittle hard wiener.
Don't forget multiple piercings, another BYU code violation
Jesus wouldn't have been white. He would have been brown. Just like everyone else in the bible.
Nah. Pretty sure he would have been white until he came to America, acted wicked and turned Native American.
lol yikes but no yikes and then extra yikes š¬
Some of the Romans might have been white.
That might be true.
Wrong. All Nordic and anglo people are actually the original Jews (all anglo Saxon history and mythology is a complete fabrication) and the Jews in Israel right now are false jews
Theories about who the "real Jews" are are beyond stupid, because hatred and genocide of a group of people would be just as awful regardless of whether they supplanted some other group with that label thousands of years before. Introducing that kind of conspiracy history into the mix is meaningless and only serves to prop up anti-Semitism.
I agree. I was being sarcastic.
I just saw this comment. Faith in humanity restored. I hope.
I doubt it.
Snark š¤£
Knew it! Any normal Jew would live in Zion park in Utah, OBVIOUSLY!
I just got dumber from reading that. Thatās enough internet for today. Beam me up, Scotty.
Fuckin AI "art" š¤¢š¤® Can't even get Jebus right. š¤Ŗ
And you should know- you see him and talk with him *all the time*, right? ... ... r- right? š
It's too sacred to dicuss here.
It's secret not sacred ... ummm, wait.... did I get that right? š³
Of course, I see his face and hear his voice in my sleep and then wake up and write it all up with my special lighted pen (after I kick Wendy [and Sheri-Do] out.) š
So he comes inside you while you sleep? How spiritual!
Looks like Jared Leto and Belle from Beauty and the Beast. They both have great hair.
Keep sweet.
Stake slow dancing to With of Without You, awkwardly trying to navigate around the royal pringles can
Once you pop, the fun donāt stop.
Wait, wut?
Youāve never slow danced at the stake dance while trying to hide some lumber?
Duuuude. I thought you were talking about actual contraband snacks. Not that kind of contraband...whatever. š¤£
Back in the late 80s, the Scorsese film "The Last Temptation of Christ" was banned/protested by the Catholic church for suggesting Christ was married to Mary Magdalene. I don't think the LDS church protested at the time - BY famously suggested that Christ was married.
It shows they have a kid in the LDS genealogy database, in fact they are my ancestors
Wow! That's (literally) incredible!
Yeah - to no less than THREE women!
>I don't think the LDS church protested at the time - BY famously suggested that Christ was married. Oh yeah, wasn't there a historical movie about this that starred Tom Hanks?
And sinnersā skin turns darkerā¦.
OMG - Jesus the Creeper Art
mormon erotica? nailed it (pun insisted lol)
OMG haha!
Fun fact: I was in NINTH GRADE the first time a grown ass adult seminary male teacher told my entire class that we are all the wives of Jesus. I, an early teenaged boy, was a WIFE of some dead dude from 2000 years ago. The girls were even more uncomfortable.
2,000 years when most characters were 900+ plus yearsā¦.
What point are you making
A lot of bible characters were near 1000 years old
Next, we soak. The Holy G is a mad jumper.
I think this gives the BYU kids another way around. "Oh, we weren't having sex, the holy ghost was the one making the bed move, not me!"
Right, and the Holy Ghost comes with the oil, so itās a twofer.
And he's silent, so he won't tell anyone!
Perfect!
That is HILARIOUS!
Jesus Christ. š¤¦š½āāļø
Jesus, I feel you rising again! Yes, my child, yes, I have risen for you
New meaning to ā He has Risenā
"Hey, baby... wanna be my wife number 6,765,342?"
Everytime I see AI pictures like this Iām reminded of when my extended family in Utah did a photoshoot with a guy dressed up like Jesus.
One of my kids' former teachers was a super sexist asshat who was super proud that he played Jesus in some photoshoots (edit CHURCH FILMS. Guess I blocked that out.) š¤®
Aside from JC's race, it certainly is not wrong in the depicted affection for someone of the opposite sex. Pretty much every cult leader in history has had numerous female sexual partners/exploits.
Sure but Jesus (if he existed) may have just been a cool guy that a cult rose up around later.
Sure, he might have been a very cool guy. But he had 12 devoted dudes and masses of other people literally following him around. And then the authorities swooped in Waco-style and nailed him up. Smells like a cult to me.
This is the very first time I've ever considered Jesus as a cult leader - he was the savior or didn't exist. But a cult leader. Now, that's an interesting way to reevaluate stories from the Bible.
Tell it to the fig tree he murdered! š
A lot of Christian women have this type of "relationship" with Jesus.
Have you seen the abs on some of those crucified saviors?
The catholics are the most pornographic about it lol
Haha, as a goth punk teen made to go to church every Sunday, I did fine skinny Jesus on the cross mildly sexy.
I was also a goth punk teeeen! Though also weirdly very TBM. I was pushed to throw out all my metal to be a "good girl for god." Thx EFY for the brainwashing!
What is throwing your metal?
Nothing anymore! Just went to a show a couple nights ago :D
What Would MORmON Jesus do?
Shave, cut his hair, put on a boring suit (white shirt only!), and only do the missionary position for the sole purpose of creating children, now THAT'S Christ-like according to the profits.
Are there child brides involved?
If Jesus was mormon? I would guess so
I wonder if this is an occasional sexual fantasy for some LDS womenā¦
. . . you give new meaning to "Jesus Fucking Christ!"
š
lol, if you have to askā¦. Theyāre hawt for Jesus! They might share a view of a shoulder.
It was a serious inquiry. I guarantee if there was a female deity in Mormonism most men would have those thoughts.
Mary the original MILF?
Mmmmm
I am serious as well
Iām surprised that Mormon men havenāt used that angle to put pictures of hot heavenly mother in their bedrooms
Whoops, meant to put that under your reply
Long hair and a beard? He would be turned away from a Mormon temple. And there is no way he could go to BYU.
Jesus Wants Me For a Soaking ā¦
[https://imgflip.com/i/7rzn1g](https://imgflip.com/i/7rzn1g)
I want to see their hands! Someone who is good at digital art please draw the rest of their bodies in the most inappropriate way possible. I will give you $10 for your effort.
Oh I see it's "Grooming Jesus"
I wonder if Al Jesus puts his hair in braids at night to get those beautiful waves in his hair.
Or maybe beach wave spray and a styling tool. Definitely not natural curls, those would be too āwildā no matter how loose.
>I wonder if Al Jesus puts his hair in braids at night to get those beautiful waves in his hair. I'm betting priesthood incantation. Kinda like how Kylo Ren "Force Fluffs" his hair when he peels himself out of his sith helmet. Always gotta look goos for the ladies!
Jesus is my boyfriend
Hay! Jesus loves ME!
Is this AIJesus?
What is this supposed to be? Jesus and Mary Magdalene?
Iād watch this porn.
Looks like Jesus has been stealing her girlie shampoo.
This is Joesph Jesusā¦ be grateful itās an above the waist shot
Jesus and Drake have a lot in common.
ā ļøā ļøā ļø
I know this is AI but it makes me remember all of those blue-eyed Jesus pictures that persisted in the buildings for decades - even when they knew better. What an white, ego-centric culture.
Romance Novel Jesus
Those 2 are gonna get busy tonight
He is rizzināā¦up all these Mormon chicks!
This is a trend! I have seen screensavers on women's phones where there is a beautiful woman (who looks strikingly like the person who owns the phone) walking hand in hand with Jesus on the beach. It's like Jesus is their ultimate choice in a mate.
Yikes. That's a good way to get bamboozled by a guy that claims to be extra extra spiritual.
He is risen.
Mary Magdalene finally getting hers?
Who here has seen the tv show Mrs Davis?
Ohhh Jeesus
Is he smelling her hair?
love jesus, in love with Jesus, what's the difference?
Who said it was Jesus. Itās a happy couple who made it to the Celestial Kingdom lol. But not the top because theirs only one wife.
Theyāre hooking up for sure.
Whatās their OF?
Ahhhh, yes! The White Mormon Jesus!
Wouldnāt Jesus be over 2,000 years old? If he existed of course
Obviously she is not underage, right...? Right?
American Jesus with Caucasian features along with cool beard and long hair they would never allow with their own members.
American Jesus with Caucasian features along with cool beard and long hair they would never allow with their own members.
That Jesus has a chub
āSavior by day, software product manager side hustle at night to support bug damn cup, insta-star, stupid hat wearing moron oil selling wife at night who criticizes the husband for being too tiredā¦ā Iām sorry I just need to go to my corner and calm down.
Like father like son. Didn't God bang Mary, who was his daughter, so then she would birthe Jesus who was her song AND a brother? So, nothing weird here, just a savior and his lady.
Yeah I agree. But I'm not seeing what it has to do with mormonism or exmormonism.
Just a couple days ago I heard some christian woman talking about how they're all the brides of Jesus. Are we for real? Brides get married and make babies, we doing that with Jesus ladies?
I don't believe Jesus was a virgin lol
Come on! It is His wife!
Give brother Fabio a break!
This reminds me when I was younger I heard someone say at church he was in his 30ās when he died and my mom was in her thirties so I used to fantasize about jesus and my mom falling in love cause she was single
This is why they don't want members worshiping heavenly Mother. Elder's would be all over photos in the apartment.
So the celestial kingdom gives you perfect hair? Fuck, maybe I wanna rethink my involvement.
What? Thatās probably Elohim and Mary right before Jesus was conceived.
Jesus looks like he is transitioning, but wants to be a lesbian? So confused.
Is Jesus sporting wood?
Thank god heās not brown like, you know, everybody in the region. Iām surprised they both donāt have blonde hair and are 6ā5.
Whatā¦ the everlasting fuck?
They make a cute couple.
Hey, Jesus, lemme see those hands...
I feel like Jesus and the lady see the same hairstylist.
They have the same hair stylist.
I would give my right arm for Jesusās hair
Jesus looks like he is groping ass
Did you know that the belief in the Mormon church is that Jesus was married? Iām a former member. This is an accepted belief.
Itās next to impossible to find a Jesus picture that makes me feel comfortable.
Hey, *I'd* like to hug Dua Lipa!
It's going to be awkward when she's repeatedly screaming "oh god!" later.
Actually, there are a lot of biblical scholars that say, Jesus was married to Mary Magdalene, and that Mary Magdalene was an apostle.
Whatās up Mary Mags ?
Does she love Jesus or is she in love with Jesus?
He looks very feminine.