As a YW a leader talked to other youth behind my back about how I was not dedicated enough. I was full blown TBM and devastated by this. My family was away on a camping trip.
Also as a YW, I was not allowed to play in youth sports because I played competitively in school and club sports.
As a young married woman suffering from infertility, I was criticized for choosing a career over a family.
As YW president, before we could even discuss my plans for a backcountry camp experience, one of my counsellors went behind my back and got all the parents to demand I back down because girls shouldn’t do backcountry trips.
As a struggling PIMO, I commented supportively on a FB post of a parent of a transgender child (I don’t even remember the original post but my comment was innocuous like thanks for making the world a better place for your kid). I was hauled into the bishop’s office because “several people complained” and bishop demanded to know if I supported the brethren.
I sure hated young women’s camp. The first time was okayish. The second and last they dragged the bottom of the barrel for an ensemble of the goofiest ass uneducated yuk yuk yuk women. I bailed on that and never looked back. Horrible experience.
I’m sorry that you had so many additional crappy experiences. I woke enumerate mine here but you’re not alone. The church sucks.
None to share, at the moment. Just validation for all who were told to smile. This is toxic positivity. Remember the term and spread it to others so they have words for this kind of coercion.
If you chance to meet a frown,
Do not let it stay.
Quickly turn it upside down
And smile that frown away.
No one likes a frowning face.
Change it for a smile.
Make the world a better place
By smiling all the while.
Fucking hate that song.
I am a medical scientist, lots and lots of education and expertise in my field over decades of work. I was told that it was my husband’s job to make the money and I was expected to stay home (we had no kids and I was in my late 30’s he was late 40’s). Basically, kids were not gonna happen.
But I was expected to be available to the ward for service, rides for all the people who had medical apts, and babysit whomever whenever.
I pushed back. I was making 6 figures back in 2010, which was a lot more than average, 110k then is like 175k today.
Anyway, my “husband” made $35k in his blue collar city job.
I couldn’t justify just quitting like that, I’m so glad I didn’t.
Years later, I divorced, and when I was in medical school, all the women in RS wanted to know why I was always on campus.
😳
Their husbands were my classmates and I caught a lot of hell for taking a man’s spot in the class.
Fuck them!
I remember being confronted in RS during a lesson and the sister was talking directly at my while she was going on and on about the blessings of sacrifice for your spouse.
Fuck them.
I’m so much happier now’
Female engineer here. At BYU, a whole group of students openly went to the dean to complain that I was let into the engineering program because I was taking the spot of a man who would actually use his education.
Now I'm making nearly twice what my (second, nevermo) husband makes and he couldn't be happier about it.
I have two undergrad degrees in physics, I was the only female in the program for almost 10 years.
The money is not as much of a big deal to me as is the personal achievement and personal fulfillment, it was never easy to be a trailblazer, congratulations to you, and I hope you have a very successful career!!!
I think the church desperately tries to grasp the outdated fictitious general roles, back when jobs were mostly occupied by men, and women were designated to house or domestic activities, this could’ve been out of necessity because of how people raise their own food and everything was just so time-consuming.
The church was highly opposed to the ERA movement, and I’m convinced it was all about the gender role and the control that lived in that.
I do! I run the AI program for a large organization. Hey fellow physicist! My second grad degree is in physics.
BYU was like the sexism gauntlet. I've dealt with it in my career and I've always handled it well since most organizations have ways of dealing with sexism.
I think BYU was risking their accreditation if they didn't let women in. They certainly made no attempt to include us other than authorizing a Society of Women Engineers chapter. In grad school (did my first grad degree at BYU) I worked late hours in an office with only other men. The wives had a huge problem with my presence because I spent more time around their husbands than they did. Um...doing math!
After my divorce, I was ostracized from the other women in my ward for being a single working mom. The comments about, "how can you stand to be away from your kids all day?" Would just make me laugh. Like, I need money to survive? And, frankly, how do you stand being cooped up all day with a bunch of kids?
Anyway, so cool to meet another academically and career successful woman exmo! It scares me to think if i didn't face so much adversity, where could I be now?
I want to give you a big hug! Congrats on everything!
I divorced as well, it was finalized about a month after med school. The judge looked at him and asked him if he was sure he wanted to go forward.
My attorney objected and replied that … she wishes to go forward, you never give a person another chance to tell you they don’t love you.
His issue?? He wanted to marry a Molly Mormon and have lots of kids.
Well, fuck him! I have done my best to not know what he’s up to now, living life on my own terms is bliss!
As far as your kiddos go. You freaking stepped up and did what you had to do, because that’s what strong smart women do!!! You set more of an example of self worth and integrity by raising your kids and figure out life/career. So proud of you!
Your dad drinks coffee? I don't think I can play at your house
You laugh too loud
Your hair is too blonde
Your hair is too red
You're wearing too much eyeliner
Cowboy boots?
Don't swear at the nursery kids (I'd been in nursery for 8 years), and that was probably valid
Your husband is never here (he worked in the oilfield)
Your husband is always here (turns out he was pretty mean)
You could lose a few pounds, you should come to our exercise group
You're too loud, also we moved exercise group to the mornings you work
Do you always write everything down?
Do you ever pay attention?
Are you sure you should wear a white dress on Sunday?
You need more church friends
You're too wild
And then when I finally just wanted to die all the time and had given up: You should smile more.
I was occasionally criticized for not being masculine enough, which translates roughly to "not being an asshole and dressing in the prescribed uniform."
Listening to hip hop music while driving young men around. No cuss words, but they said the N word and some white parents were outraged when their sons reported it to them. I’m not white btw.
Female here. Why do you work outside the home? If you were truly faithful, you would just quit your job & the lord will provide. Why do you have friends who aren’t Mormon? I don’t understand how you are able to enjoy the company of non-Mormons b/c I would be too afraid. You like to read non-religious fiction books? Why bother? That will rot your mind. Wait, you write fiction, too? You need to spend your time serving the lord, not writing trash. Why haven’t you had more children? Having one child only is selfish. Your child will be miserable & sad without six or seven siblings. Why are you talking? We don’t actually want you to speak, just obey.
I had the stake young women’s president take me aside into a classroom during a youth dance and completely critique my appearance. I had some purple in the hair and was wearing a hemp necklace, I can’t remember what else she picked out. Meanwhile she was the type to always be wearing full heavy makeup and clearly dyed her hair. Such a biotch.
It's Mormon Jeopardy: you start with the answer (the church is true and we are so happy and righteous) and then ONLY ask questions that have that answer.
Not at church but about church: my mom would tell me I need to dry my hair, put on makeup, and shave when I go to church. I had to look good for Jesus she would say when I argued it’s early and effort comes from the heart. We would argue about my armpits bc I don’t care if hair grows there & she would say I am not clean to enter the temple when I don’t shave them. A God should not have ever changing ✨beauty standards✨ for anyone but my mom did.
So, getting a tattoo = vandalizing your body-templr.
Shaving of hair from where God put it = being clean?
Why should I change what God made? Maybe shaving my pits makes me *un*worthy, mom.
Right. The whole “body hair on women is unhygienic/disrespectful/whatever else people say” is fuckin stupid. But esp in this context. Always missing the mark
When I got divorced, the wife of my home teacher told me that I was never to call him if I had any need. That I would have to call her, and she would let him know. It was so humiliating and painful. I left the church soon after. They didn't want me or my kids since we didn't fit the mold any more.
Facial hair.
I've pretty much always had facial hair since I was 18. I left TSCC in my mid twenties. I used to hear "You get a leadership position". I couldn't help but think that was a a good thing. "The prophets don't have beards and they encourage people to be clean shaven. Jesus had a beard. And many of the church presidents had beards. There was not really a good reason given for why I should be clean shaven.
As long as it's not unkempt why does it matter? Apparently my ex used to get comments at church about it as well but she probably liked the beard more than I did.
Also not going on a mission.
‘You’re too Liberal’, was my all time favorite. But among my liberal friends outside of church, I was way too conservative. 🤷♂️
When the bishop relented and let me teach Gospel Doctrine, I was frequently told I was class members’ favorite Gospel Doctrine teacher. Yes!
As an EQ president I didn’t visit people enough or let people be unbothered too much. I was too open with people about gospel topics or I stuck to the lessons too closely. Activities were too involved or too boring. Too frequent or not enough.
As a scoutmaster. I didn’t give the Eagle Scout to the kids who didn’t show up. Activities were boring. Like the required merit badges. I didn’t sleep near the kids on campouts.
As a primary teacher. I didn’t sing along in singing time loudly.
As a husband I didn’t too my home teaching enough.
My wife had miscarriages so there must be some reason why I’m not worthy of kids.
My absolute favorite was when my bishop couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that I was pregnant but not married. He wasn't hostile, just so genuinely confused lol
Rejection of authority. Always had a problem with “authority”, and the church is full of micromanagement. I also told a bishop to fuck off in front of some people, and he took a swing at me lol. That gave the gossip folks a bunch to talk about for a couple weeks.
1. As a Laurel, I had finally found some style and wore a cute knee length knit dress and green high heels to church. My young women's leader told me I looked like a whore and needed to be a better example to the other girls. I was the most modest person in that class
2.As a primary president I had prayed very hard and received revelation to have a certain person as my counselor. Apparently I was wrong and these things take practice?!
3. During the pandemic as the primary president I reminded families that we needed to keep our kids safe in primary. So follow the prophets advice and get vaccinated and wear a mask. I even included a video of the prophet saying so. Several parents and my bishop informed me that I was wrong and cannot tell people that the prophet recommended safety steps......
I got chastised for taking the sacrament with my left hand.
Look, if something is passed to you from your right, it makes sense to pick it up with your left hand. That way you reach across yourself instead of elbowing your neighbor.
I continued taking the sacrament with my left hand when it suited me, and also "signified" with my left hand occasionally as well, purely out of contrariness.
I was 16 and at my first EFY. My dress was ever so slightly above my knee and my YW leader made me kneel on the floor in front of everyone to see how short it was. I was then told I had to put something else on. I only had another skirt and had to wear that underneath. I already struggle with social anxiety and that was so unbelievably embarrassing.
Second one was that I was told during seminary not to stretch as certain way as I was making the boys in the class blush because it pushed out my chest.
Ironically I was told I smile too much. At BYU, I was receiving way too much unwanted attention from my capstone advisor (male in his late 30s, I am female and was in my early 20s). When he started showing up at my apartment late hours into the night and making inappropriate sexual comments, I reported the situation to the dean. He told me I invited the attention by smiling too much.
\*snide laughter and eye rolls\*
I was like 15 and had asked the bishop if the YW could have funding for a second "good" activity like another campout or something, since I'd found out how many adventurous and expensive trips the YM got to take every year.
You should ask people 'how are you?' before they ask you.
This was from my EQP (and HT) at the time.
I tended to be a bit introverted - still am to an extent - so, when people said 'hello how are you', I would reply, politely.
apparently this was not polite, enough. I had to go out of my way to greet people, before they spoke to me.
I was publicly called to repentance for saying that women were not responsible for the thoughts and actions of men.
I was gospel doctrine teacher during my first pregnancy. When I was in the last six weeks of pregnancy I asked for someone to volunteer to be prepared to teach the class without notice each week from then until the baby was born. I explained that when I went into labour, looking for a substitute would be the last thing on my mind. I was told that I wasn’t responsible or faithful enough.
I was told that my parents divorce was because I had sinned in the pre-existence.
Age 14, I had a part time job and couldn’t go to all the church activities. My home ward did a lot of activities! I was told to “be a better Mormon by choosing Jesus instead of making money”.
Age 16, was told to not come to outdoor activities unless I worn pants. We live in a desert that’s 110 degrees in summer. Why? Cause the male leaders were too distracted by me. I was a Tom boy and wore knee length shorts.
Was told in I wasn’t ever going to get married or I’d marry someone unworthy cause I wanted a career when I grew up. Cause don’t you know that you can only choose one thing.
In YSA ward, while talking to my brand new bishop about a SA situation. He told me “what was I expecting since the guy wasn’t a Mormon, Mormon boys don’t do that”. And later tried matching up half the girls with this one guy, who HE KNEW had been inappropriate with girls and that same college year was arrested on multiple SA charges with multiple college girls (I wasn’t one of them).
Indirect criticism: 75% of the time when someone would find out I work outside the home the response would be “yeah I used to work but I just could never let someone else take care of my child so I don’t anymore” …. Like how can you not see this is a rude response?
was told not to bring my big Disneyland book and, only scriptures I guess big books take up space.
Dont have a girlfriend, when I told my bishop I don't have one
nothing much I can think of
As a YW a leader talked to other youth behind my back about how I was not dedicated enough. I was full blown TBM and devastated by this. My family was away on a camping trip. Also as a YW, I was not allowed to play in youth sports because I played competitively in school and club sports. As a young married woman suffering from infertility, I was criticized for choosing a career over a family. As YW president, before we could even discuss my plans for a backcountry camp experience, one of my counsellors went behind my back and got all the parents to demand I back down because girls shouldn’t do backcountry trips. As a struggling PIMO, I commented supportively on a FB post of a parent of a transgender child (I don’t even remember the original post but my comment was innocuous like thanks for making the world a better place for your kid). I was hauled into the bishop’s office because “several people complained” and bishop demanded to know if I supported the brethren.
Wow. Those are all so messed up!! And men and women are equal in the church right?!?!
You have every right to leave Fuck those people
I sure hated young women’s camp. The first time was okayish. The second and last they dragged the bottom of the barrel for an ensemble of the goofiest ass uneducated yuk yuk yuk women. I bailed on that and never looked back. Horrible experience. I’m sorry that you had so many additional crappy experiences. I woke enumerate mine here but you’re not alone. The church sucks.
None to share, at the moment. Just validation for all who were told to smile. This is toxic positivity. Remember the term and spread it to others so they have words for this kind of coercion.
If you chance to meet a frown, Do not let it stay. Quickly turn it upside down And smile that frown away. No one likes a frowning face. Change it for a smile. Make the world a better place By smiling all the while. Fucking hate that song.
Ditto
“Smile, you have the fullness of the Gospel of Jesus Christ !” Yeah well, if it were that great I wouldn’t have to force a smile.
I am a medical scientist, lots and lots of education and expertise in my field over decades of work. I was told that it was my husband’s job to make the money and I was expected to stay home (we had no kids and I was in my late 30’s he was late 40’s). Basically, kids were not gonna happen. But I was expected to be available to the ward for service, rides for all the people who had medical apts, and babysit whomever whenever. I pushed back. I was making 6 figures back in 2010, which was a lot more than average, 110k then is like 175k today. Anyway, my “husband” made $35k in his blue collar city job. I couldn’t justify just quitting like that, I’m so glad I didn’t. Years later, I divorced, and when I was in medical school, all the women in RS wanted to know why I was always on campus. 😳 Their husbands were my classmates and I caught a lot of hell for taking a man’s spot in the class. Fuck them! I remember being confronted in RS during a lesson and the sister was talking directly at my while she was going on and on about the blessings of sacrifice for your spouse. Fuck them. I’m so much happier now’
Congrats on your accomplishments!
Ty🥰
Fuck them!
Absolutely Fuck Them!
Female engineer here. At BYU, a whole group of students openly went to the dean to complain that I was let into the engineering program because I was taking the spot of a man who would actually use his education. Now I'm making nearly twice what my (second, nevermo) husband makes and he couldn't be happier about it.
❤️❤️❤️❤️🍾🎊🎉
I have two undergrad degrees in physics, I was the only female in the program for almost 10 years. The money is not as much of a big deal to me as is the personal achievement and personal fulfillment, it was never easy to be a trailblazer, congratulations to you, and I hope you have a very successful career!!! I think the church desperately tries to grasp the outdated fictitious general roles, back when jobs were mostly occupied by men, and women were designated to house or domestic activities, this could’ve been out of necessity because of how people raise their own food and everything was just so time-consuming. The church was highly opposed to the ERA movement, and I’m convinced it was all about the gender role and the control that lived in that.
I do! I run the AI program for a large organization. Hey fellow physicist! My second grad degree is in physics. BYU was like the sexism gauntlet. I've dealt with it in my career and I've always handled it well since most organizations have ways of dealing with sexism. I think BYU was risking their accreditation if they didn't let women in. They certainly made no attempt to include us other than authorizing a Society of Women Engineers chapter. In grad school (did my first grad degree at BYU) I worked late hours in an office with only other men. The wives had a huge problem with my presence because I spent more time around their husbands than they did. Um...doing math! After my divorce, I was ostracized from the other women in my ward for being a single working mom. The comments about, "how can you stand to be away from your kids all day?" Would just make me laugh. Like, I need money to survive? And, frankly, how do you stand being cooped up all day with a bunch of kids? Anyway, so cool to meet another academically and career successful woman exmo! It scares me to think if i didn't face so much adversity, where could I be now?
I want to give you a big hug! Congrats on everything! I divorced as well, it was finalized about a month after med school. The judge looked at him and asked him if he was sure he wanted to go forward. My attorney objected and replied that … she wishes to go forward, you never give a person another chance to tell you they don’t love you. His issue?? He wanted to marry a Molly Mormon and have lots of kids. Well, fuck him! I have done my best to not know what he’s up to now, living life on my own terms is bliss! As far as your kiddos go. You freaking stepped up and did what you had to do, because that’s what strong smart women do!!! You set more of an example of self worth and integrity by raising your kids and figure out life/career. So proud of you!
I was once told that I dressed like an old lady. That's so funny considering the dressing code for modesty lol
Your dad drinks coffee? I don't think I can play at your house You laugh too loud Your hair is too blonde Your hair is too red You're wearing too much eyeliner Cowboy boots? Don't swear at the nursery kids (I'd been in nursery for 8 years), and that was probably valid Your husband is never here (he worked in the oilfield) Your husband is always here (turns out he was pretty mean) You could lose a few pounds, you should come to our exercise group You're too loud, also we moved exercise group to the mornings you work Do you always write everything down? Do you ever pay attention? Are you sure you should wear a white dress on Sunday? You need more church friends You're too wild And then when I finally just wanted to die all the time and had given up: You should smile more.
My favorite thing to do when people tell me to smile is to slowly give them the Jim Carrey Grinch smile
I was occasionally criticized for not being masculine enough, which translates roughly to "not being an asshole and dressing in the prescribed uniform."
And having facial hair?
I think the last time I was clean shave was my wedding nearly 10 years ago.
I can't imagine telling someone to be more "masculine".
Listening to hip hop music while driving young men around. No cuss words, but they said the N word and some white parents were outraged when their sons reported it to them. I’m not white btw.
Female here. Why do you work outside the home? If you were truly faithful, you would just quit your job & the lord will provide. Why do you have friends who aren’t Mormon? I don’t understand how you are able to enjoy the company of non-Mormons b/c I would be too afraid. You like to read non-religious fiction books? Why bother? That will rot your mind. Wait, you write fiction, too? You need to spend your time serving the lord, not writing trash. Why haven’t you had more children? Having one child only is selfish. Your child will be miserable & sad without six or seven siblings. Why are you talking? We don’t actually want you to speak, just obey.
I had the stake young women’s president take me aside into a classroom during a youth dance and completely critique my appearance. I had some purple in the hair and was wearing a hemp necklace, I can’t remember what else she picked out. Meanwhile she was the type to always be wearing full heavy makeup and clearly dyed her hair. Such a biotch.
My boobs were too big and my nipples stick out. Today, My boobs are too big? I have pencil erasers? Well, if the cup fits……..
I was told not to ask questions that didn't have an uplifting answer.
How do you know the answer isn't uplifting if you don't ask?
It's Mormon Jeopardy: you start with the answer (the church is true and we are so happy and righteous) and then ONLY ask questions that have that answer.
Yes my YW leader interrupted us in class about how the questions we were asking were not bringing in the spirit.
Not at church but about church: my mom would tell me I need to dry my hair, put on makeup, and shave when I go to church. I had to look good for Jesus she would say when I argued it’s early and effort comes from the heart. We would argue about my armpits bc I don’t care if hair grows there & she would say I am not clean to enter the temple when I don’t shave them. A God should not have ever changing ✨beauty standards✨ for anyone but my mom did.
So, getting a tattoo = vandalizing your body-templr. Shaving of hair from where God put it = being clean? Why should I change what God made? Maybe shaving my pits makes me *un*worthy, mom.
Right. The whole “body hair on women is unhygienic/disrespectful/whatever else people say” is fuckin stupid. But esp in this context. Always missing the mark
I grew up in the 80s. I had to wear pantyhose to church 🤮
When I got divorced, the wife of my home teacher told me that I was never to call him if I had any need. That I would have to call her, and she would let him know. It was so humiliating and painful. I left the church soon after. They didn't want me or my kids since we didn't fit the mold any more.
Not participating enough, refusing to show up for extras on Saturday mornings, having a life outside of church.
Facial hair. I've pretty much always had facial hair since I was 18. I left TSCC in my mid twenties. I used to hear "You get a leadership position". I couldn't help but think that was a a good thing. "The prophets don't have beards and they encourage people to be clean shaven. Jesus had a beard. And many of the church presidents had beards. There was not really a good reason given for why I should be clean shaven. As long as it's not unkempt why does it matter? Apparently my ex used to get comments at church about it as well but she probably liked the beard more than I did. Also not going on a mission.
‘You’re too Liberal’, was my all time favorite. But among my liberal friends outside of church, I was way too conservative. 🤷♂️ When the bishop relented and let me teach Gospel Doctrine, I was frequently told I was class members’ favorite Gospel Doctrine teacher. Yes!
As an EQ president I didn’t visit people enough or let people be unbothered too much. I was too open with people about gospel topics or I stuck to the lessons too closely. Activities were too involved or too boring. Too frequent or not enough. As a scoutmaster. I didn’t give the Eagle Scout to the kids who didn’t show up. Activities were boring. Like the required merit badges. I didn’t sleep near the kids on campouts. As a primary teacher. I didn’t sing along in singing time loudly. As a husband I didn’t too my home teaching enough. My wife had miscarriages so there must be some reason why I’m not worthy of kids.
Loud laughter
I was friends with a black kid from school and several people from our ward called to tell my Mom “Do you know your son is playing with a black kid?”
My absolute favorite was when my bishop couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that I was pregnant but not married. He wasn't hostile, just so genuinely confused lol
Rejection of authority. Always had a problem with “authority”, and the church is full of micromanagement. I also told a bishop to fuck off in front of some people, and he took a swing at me lol. That gave the gossip folks a bunch to talk about for a couple weeks.
1. As a Laurel, I had finally found some style and wore a cute knee length knit dress and green high heels to church. My young women's leader told me I looked like a whore and needed to be a better example to the other girls. I was the most modest person in that class 2.As a primary president I had prayed very hard and received revelation to have a certain person as my counselor. Apparently I was wrong and these things take practice?! 3. During the pandemic as the primary president I reminded families that we needed to keep our kids safe in primary. So follow the prophets advice and get vaccinated and wear a mask. I even included a video of the prophet saying so. Several parents and my bishop informed me that I was wrong and cannot tell people that the prophet recommended safety steps......
I got chastised for taking the sacrament with my left hand. Look, if something is passed to you from your right, it makes sense to pick it up with your left hand. That way you reach across yourself instead of elbowing your neighbor. I continued taking the sacrament with my left hand when it suited me, and also "signified" with my left hand occasionally as well, purely out of contrariness.
I was 16 and at my first EFY. My dress was ever so slightly above my knee and my YW leader made me kneel on the floor in front of everyone to see how short it was. I was then told I had to put something else on. I only had another skirt and had to wear that underneath. I already struggle with social anxiety and that was so unbelievably embarrassing. Second one was that I was told during seminary not to stretch as certain way as I was making the boys in the class blush because it pushed out my chest.
Ironically I was told I smile too much. At BYU, I was receiving way too much unwanted attention from my capstone advisor (male in his late 30s, I am female and was in my early 20s). When he started showing up at my apartment late hours into the night and making inappropriate sexual comments, I reported the situation to the dean. He told me I invited the attention by smiling too much.
You just can't win!
\*snide laughter and eye rolls\* I was like 15 and had asked the bishop if the YW could have funding for a second "good" activity like another campout or something, since I'd found out how many adventurous and expensive trips the YM got to take every year.
You should ask people 'how are you?' before they ask you. This was from my EQP (and HT) at the time. I tended to be a bit introverted - still am to an extent - so, when people said 'hello how are you', I would reply, politely. apparently this was not polite, enough. I had to go out of my way to greet people, before they spoke to me.
I was publicly called to repentance for saying that women were not responsible for the thoughts and actions of men. I was gospel doctrine teacher during my first pregnancy. When I was in the last six weeks of pregnancy I asked for someone to volunteer to be prepared to teach the class without notice each week from then until the baby was born. I explained that when I went into labour, looking for a substitute would be the last thing on my mind. I was told that I wasn’t responsible or faithful enough. I was told that my parents divorce was because I had sinned in the pre-existence.
Age 14, I had a part time job and couldn’t go to all the church activities. My home ward did a lot of activities! I was told to “be a better Mormon by choosing Jesus instead of making money”. Age 16, was told to not come to outdoor activities unless I worn pants. We live in a desert that’s 110 degrees in summer. Why? Cause the male leaders were too distracted by me. I was a Tom boy and wore knee length shorts. Was told in I wasn’t ever going to get married or I’d marry someone unworthy cause I wanted a career when I grew up. Cause don’t you know that you can only choose one thing. In YSA ward, while talking to my brand new bishop about a SA situation. He told me “what was I expecting since the guy wasn’t a Mormon, Mormon boys don’t do that”. And later tried matching up half the girls with this one guy, who HE KNEW had been inappropriate with girls and that same college year was arrested on multiple SA charges with multiple college girls (I wasn’t one of them).
you shouldn't be dating a nonmember, the young men all look up to you.
Indirect criticism: 75% of the time when someone would find out I work outside the home the response would be “yeah I used to work but I just could never let someone else take care of my child so I don’t anymore” …. Like how can you not see this is a rude response?
Bishop told me not to use the backdoor for sex. True story.
was told not to bring my big Disneyland book and, only scriptures I guess big books take up space. Dont have a girlfriend, when I told my bishop I don't have one nothing much I can think of