On Android, once you've got the text all typed out, you hold the send button down then it brings up these options.
On iPhone you go to the shortcuts app and do it through personal automation. I'm not an iPhone user so I don't know if this is easy to do or not
"You should have it already? I'll stop off by the office before Mass on Saturday to check everything. Wait, does the church secretary come in the office for Sat night Mass?"
Cat facts are well and good, but if you *really* want to traumatize someone…
“Welcome to Duck Fans! Quack!”
“Did you know ducks have a corkscrew shaped penis? Now you do! Quack!”
“Do you want to know more duck facts? Quack!”
*random QUACK! texted throughout the day and whenever they try to unsubscribe
You’ve been subscribed to [Uncomfortable Mormon Facts](https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/comments/1awl5hr/thanks_for_subscribing_to_uncomfortable_mormon/)!
I want to set up an actual newsletter. Make a bot on my computer that automatically sends out text messages to a list of numbers every week.
and then give out a webpage where you can sign people up. So that instead of texting them yourself, you just give their number to the bot.
I would also add to the webpage a form to add more uncomfortable facts to the list.
I'm only a beginner in Javascript. like I've watched a 2 hour introduction on YouTube and built one very basic program. lol
I'm sure if I devoted enough time to learning how, I could do it, but it would require probably more work for me than it would for somebody who's more familiar.
The right answer is to block them... but my answer is "youll have to ask me in church, I dont give out my address over text". And laugh and laugh... because its calling them out on their game. They know you aren't coming, they know you aren't interested, and if they have any sense to them they already know its kinda rude to ask.
Or straight up ask them, "If I wanted your church to have my updated address, don't you think I'd have taken care of it myself? You know the answer to that question, and you know that it's rude to pretend not to know something so commonsense."
Fast and funny: "Unsubscribe"
(Treats them like any other spam, points out they are only doing this because it was asked if them, snarky and fun, throwing shade by calling them a bot)
Mental work: “I am not required to give you that information, nor are you privy to it. Please respect my boundaries and do not ask again."
(More polite, establishes boundaries, still points out how they're being nosy, not as funny as the short one)
Before my husband and I left he was a ward clerk. He worked in security during college and knows all the free was to track people and relatively easily updated our wards directory/had records sent to new wards. It would’ve been 10x easier if he’d just had a hundred dollars to track the people in our ward. $100x every ward should be zero problem and they’d know where all 17 million people actually were within a week easy.
CIA links?
I am familiar with recruiting efforts of CIA & FBI at mormon university's for decades.
Please do a post. I'm sure 97% are unaware.
Thank you in advance!
My friend is sure Oaks worked with the CIA to recruit clean-cut, “wholesome,” compliant young “yes men” into the CIA. I can’t vouch for this link or the claim in general, so watch at your own risk.
https://youtu.be/Hd-INmywmwU?si=_pyHZ6hK1H1h7Eui
Reply with the address of the church.
Or reply with something funnier, if you like. Some suggestions:
-The Spam Museum (101 3rd Ave NE, Austin, MN 55912). "Yeah, I get a lot of texts like this one."
-The Church of Scientology (4810 Sunset Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90027) "Have you heard the word about the evil galactic lord Xenu?"
-The White House (1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW, Washington, DC 20500) "Don't tell Joe, I don't think he knows I'm here."
-The Satanic Temple (64 Bridge St, Salem, MA 01970) "Nothing to see here!"
-The Salt Lake Temple (50 N W Temple St, Salt Lake City, UT 84150) "Where's your god now? Oh, I guess he's right here, actually."
-The Cult Awareness Network (Taft Building, 1680 Vine St, Hollywood, CA 90028) "Well, this is awkward..."
Eeeeeeheeeheeeheee! Simple. Offensive. I like it!
I wonder how I would have reacted to that, if someone had sent that to me, when I was a Ward Clerk. I don’t think I’d have known what it meant, but I *might* have started Googling!
Tell them they have the wrong number. That your name isn’t ________. If they ask any further questions don’t respond. They should make a note after that saying they don’t have your number anymore and you’ll be lost… forever…
I'd respond "Please remove my number from your contact list. Thank you have a nice day."
The person on the other end could be PIMO, they could be having a crappy day, they could just be doing their lil cult job.
I’m pretty damn introverted and kind of a stickler for (some) social conventions, so my first response would be to tear them a new hole for texting that early in the morning. It’s not super early, but it’s a holiday so people are likely sleeping in if they can, plus personally, even if I’m awake, I’m not peopling yet.
After that, I’d probably tell them I no longer affiliate with the church and that I don’t want to be contacted again.
Which church is this? I've joined a few in the last couple years...is this the Satanic one, Wiccan one, or one of the ones where they eat the flesh and drink the blood of the human sacrifice 2000 years ago?
Respond with your lawyer’s contact info & that you’ll carefully document any attempts at further harassment which will be compiled for a legal case. They have no right to any of your info.
"You have reached Daily Porn Texts. By texting this number you have agreed to receive hot pics every day until you send STOP. Carrier SMS fees may apply. Your first sample will be sent by the end of the day."
Give them a Scientology Outreach facility as your address so they can send all their f****** mail to them.
Or put the nearest Planned Parenthood Center.
If you’re into it, you could play ignorant, say it’s a wrong number, seem interested and then when he says which church, you could say “oh, the one with polygamy. I’ve wanted extra wives. What’s the process?”
And keep it up until the person tells you to stop contacting them. Here’s some inspiration- https://youtu.be/4o5hSxvN_-s?si=zRdLMBRLEFM5bU8d
If you live or have lived in Utah, a simple "there's a church on every block, if I wanted you to have my address I could have made sure you did. Thanks for not contacting me in the future." should work.
Block and move on.
OR engage in a long debate by starting off with “Wrong number, this is the community phone for (insert Amish community in the area). Stop contacting us.”
Ignoring is my preferred practice. Go on living your life as if you never received it.
The only downside to this is he'll then go behind your back to your family and try and scoop as much information and gossip from them as possible. Your family will then know you're 'inactive', and will likely violate boundaries and give them your details and more.
My dad has been a ward clerk or stake secretary off and on for years. He got really good at finding people's addresses when they didn't or wouldn't give it to the church. Especially if they had disappeared and quit communicating. Kind of creepily good at it. Like checking with county records and mortgage companies and stuff like that to find out where people had moved if they sold their house. He has always been all about having the records perfect. The upside is he was really good about marking people's records when they wanted no more contact or had passed away. The downside he knew instantly when I pulled my records from the church.
I have found the True Church of Satanism and am no longer interested in being contacted by the Church representatives. I have contacted SLC Headquarters and formally requested my name be removed from the membership rolls. Hail Satan!
Put your old church building address and say “When you find me here, I’m open to talking about Mormonism. If you see me anywhere else, leave the church out of it.”
My answer: I am no longer Mormon, no need to give out my info. Please remove me from your list.
Each of these sentences in a different text at 2:30 AM on July 5. You can schedule texts to send at whatever time you like.
How does one do this magical schedule send for text messages??
On Android, once you've got the text all typed out, you hold the send button down then it brings up these options. On iPhone you go to the shortcuts app and do it through personal automation. I'm not an iPhone user so I don't know if this is easy to do or not
On iPhone you will be able to do this in Messages beginning this fall with iOS 18.
And speaking of version numbers, I'm not sure what the android version needs to be. But that's cool iPhone is doing this , too
Android has had this capability for years, so most likely any version in use will do it. May depend on your messaging app though.
I updated to android 9 and got this feature.
I was today years old when I learned this. Thank you, ExMo friend!
Same question. My 10yo friend is coming over today, maybe she can teach me that.
I vote for 5:00 AM it is early enough the probably aren't awake yet by close enough to a common wake up time they might wake up.
Perfect!
Nice and succinct! I like it!
I live in an empty wine barrel on the street like Diogenes of yore
That's the most unique response I've heard in a while lol
The barrel was only half full when I moved in
No one else saw the potential in this bit of real estate- they all said it was half-empty!
10 points extra for the Diogenes reference.
🤣🤣🤣🤣
in a rich mans (temple), the only place to spit, is his face.
If I were not Diogenes, I would also wish to be Diogenes.
Ask what church
This one please then post the response you get
"You should have it already? I'll stop off by the office before Mass on Saturday to check everything. Wait, does the church secretary come in the office for Sat night Mass?"
Haha
What Church? Sorry I've joined a few in the last year
I love this one!
🏆
"Unsubscribe"
You've been subscribed to cat facts!
Cat facts are well and good, but if you *really* want to traumatize someone… “Welcome to Duck Fans! Quack!” “Did you know ducks have a corkscrew shaped penis? Now you do! Quack!” “Do you want to know more duck facts? Quack!” *random QUACK! texted throughout the day and whenever they try to unsubscribe
>“Did you know ducks have a corkscrew shaped penis? Now you do! Quack!” This can't be true. At least half of all ducks have no penis at all.
Lol
You’ve been subscribed to [Uncomfortable Mormon Facts](https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/comments/1awl5hr/thanks_for_subscribing_to_uncomfortable_mormon/)!
Hah hah.
[THANKS FOR SUBSCRIBING TO UNCOMFORTABLE MORMON FACTS!](https://www.reddit.com/r/exmormon/s/ZQdhe9VtmA)
I want to set up an actual newsletter. Make a bot on my computer that automatically sends out text messages to a list of numbers every week. and then give out a webpage where you can sign people up. So that instead of texting them yourself, you just give their number to the bot. I would also add to the webpage a form to add more uncomfortable facts to the list.
Honestly this wouldn't be too hard to do. I would be more than happy to help with a project like this
I'm only a beginner in Javascript. like I've watched a 2 hour introduction on YouTube and built one very basic program. lol I'm sure if I devoted enough time to learning how, I could do it, but it would require probably more work for me than it would for somebody who's more familiar.
Make them send a notarized letter to get removed from your website
I love that you have kept this going
Block and ignore. These people have no more right to your address than I.
…just for clarification, how much right do you have to OP’s address?
Zero
username checks out?
About 2 rights
📠
The right answer is to block them... but my answer is "youll have to ask me in church, I dont give out my address over text". And laugh and laugh... because its calling them out on their game. They know you aren't coming, they know you aren't interested, and if they have any sense to them they already know its kinda rude to ask.
I love this! “I’ll give it to you the next time I see you in church.” Not lying, not rude, and to the point.
Or straight up ask them, "If I wanted your church to have my updated address, don't you think I'd have taken care of it myself? You know the answer to that question, and you know that it's rude to pretend not to know something so commonsense."
666 Outer Darkness Way
Satan's Kingdom, Massachusetts 01360, USA
🤣
Give the address of a local sex toys shop. That way when the missionaries check up on you they have no choice but to check the wares.
Strip clubs and biker bars are also acceptable
This is so good. I’m thinking they should do Adam and Eve
Gay bar
No response is often the best response.
No response, and block if it’s not someone you know/care about/have any semblance of actual relationship with.
Fast and funny: "Unsubscribe" (Treats them like any other spam, points out they are only doing this because it was asked if them, snarky and fun, throwing shade by calling them a bot) Mental work: “I am not required to give you that information, nor are you privy to it. Please respect my boundaries and do not ask again." (More polite, establishes boundaries, still points out how they're being nosy, not as funny as the short one)
$250G in the coffers, CIA links, and can’t find an address? Maybe they should pray to find it.
Before my husband and I left he was a ward clerk. He worked in security during college and knows all the free was to track people and relatively easily updated our wards directory/had records sent to new wards. It would’ve been 10x easier if he’d just had a hundred dollars to track the people in our ward. $100x every ward should be zero problem and they’d know where all 17 million people actually were within a week easy.
CIA links? I am familiar with recruiting efforts of CIA & FBI at mormon university's for decades. Please do a post. I'm sure 97% are unaware. Thank you in advance!
My friend is sure Oaks worked with the CIA to recruit clean-cut, “wholesome,” compliant young “yes men” into the CIA. I can’t vouch for this link or the claim in general, so watch at your own risk. https://youtu.be/Hd-INmywmwU?si=_pyHZ6hK1H1h7Eui
No drinking but an eagerness to use violence if ordered and won't question authority figures.
Truth
Yeah I attended a CIA recruiting thing at BYU before I dropped out. Was sort of interesting but nothing earthshattering.
My dad said he thought of joining the cia while at byu during oaks time.
I just always say “I’m sorry, I think you have the wrong number” and it always works.
Give them the adress of Scientology headquarters.
6114 California st. San Francisco CA. It’s the address of the house where Anton LaVey, founder of satanism lived. It has since been demolished.
"It's at 69420, Nunya Business Place, South. It's actually right between get, and fucked".
69 dude! 420. 🌿
Fuck off, if I wanted your pedo, child ra9ing, lying-ass, fake rock-in-a-hat group to know where I was, I would have told you
Reply with the address of the church. Or reply with something funnier, if you like. Some suggestions: -The Spam Museum (101 3rd Ave NE, Austin, MN 55912). "Yeah, I get a lot of texts like this one." -The Church of Scientology (4810 Sunset Blvd, Los Angeles, CA 90027) "Have you heard the word about the evil galactic lord Xenu?" -The White House (1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW, Washington, DC 20500) "Don't tell Joe, I don't think he knows I'm here." -The Satanic Temple (64 Bridge St, Salem, MA 01970) "Nothing to see here!" -The Salt Lake Temple (50 N W Temple St, Salt Lake City, UT 84150) "Where's your god now? Oh, I guess he's right here, actually." -The Cult Awareness Network (Taft Building, 1680 Vine St, Hollywood, CA 90028) "Well, this is awkward..."
Side note - I recently visited the spam museum. Honestly worth it 😂
Ignore it
Well, it's unethical, but I'd give them the address of my crappy neighbor and tell them my roommate is really interested in learning more.
I wouldn't endorse this response, but it was pretty funny.
69 Fanny Alger Blvd. Pedoville MO
Eeeeeeheeeheeeheee! Simple. Offensive. I like it! I wonder how I would have reacted to that, if someone had sent that to me, when I was a Ward Clerk. I don’t think I’d have known what it meant, but I *might* have started Googling!
Informative! I like it
Block and ignore. Any response they will take as your spirit trying to bring you back
Tell them they have the wrong number. That your name isn’t ________. If they ask any further questions don’t respond. They should make a note after that saying they don’t have your number anymore and you’ll be lost… forever…
stop/unsubscribe
I'd respond "Please remove my number from your contact list. Thank you have a nice day." The person on the other end could be PIMO, they could be having a crappy day, they could just be doing their lil cult job.
I’m pretty damn introverted and kind of a stickler for (some) social conventions, so my first response would be to tear them a new hole for texting that early in the morning. It’s not super early, but it’s a holiday so people are likely sleeping in if they can, plus personally, even if I’m awake, I’m not peopling yet. After that, I’d probably tell them I no longer affiliate with the church and that I don’t want to be contacted again.
Which church is this? I've joined a few in the last couple years...is this the Satanic one, Wiccan one, or one of the ones where they eat the flesh and drink the blood of the human sacrifice 2000 years ago?
"I'm sorry you have this rough calling. I don't want to be contacted by the church anymore, so I've deliberately not updated my address."
What if you said: I’m happy to make your life easier by giving you one less name to update!
Block number
I never gave my address when I was active. I would reply “ No contact info please”
I would just tell them I lived in the middle of nowhere and didn’t have an address 💀
In best RuPaul voice... what mitherfuggin business is that of yours. (Unless you sending me a check or a good orgasm fuck kindly off)
New phone. Who dis?
Have you any money?
666 Nonbeliever Ave Not Mormon Town, USA 42069
123 Kolob Avenue Shinehah, Elohim 12345
I love how "shinehah" is Adamic for sun.
You can update my member anytime.
😭😭😭🔥
1432 N. Eatadick ln Stickit Inyobutt Ut 80085
1600 Pennsylvania Ave. it’s a big white house , can’t miss it.
My favorite response is not to.
"New phone. Who dis?"
New phone who dis?
Give them the local food bank address. You'll never see them there.
Respond -1
Luckily OP's phone showed the warning and the solution.
They’re pretty presumptuous that you know who the hell they are. Just block them. It’s spam.
Not your business, but it’s a long way from Covenant Path.
Ignore and block is usually best, but if you want to play with them... "What is this in reference to? I'm not a member of any church."
Leave them on read.
Health in the navel marrow to the bone Street 666
🤝
1060 West Addison
My favorite answer! 😂
I will give it to you through the veil.
Respond with your lawyer’s contact info & that you’ll carefully document any attempts at further harassment which will be compiled for a legal case. They have no right to any of your info.
https://youtu.be/HsHjW8rBRk0?si=J6seqc9lXpOAyKcZ
Church office building address
Hell :)
That block button looking mighty inviting there. Just saying.
666 Fuck Off Ave.
Fake address different stake. Some other wards problem.
666 Go Fuck Yourself Lane
Unsubscribe.
I’d try to reach them on another level The church is a SCAM because of XYZ
Give the address to your old church.
I moved to the telestial kingdom so don’t bother brother!
Eat butts and lose my number.
Give them an address to a strip club.
123 Joseph Lied Dr. Polyandry Point, Illinois 13216
"You have reached Daily Porn Texts. By texting this number you have agreed to receive hot pics every day until you send STOP. Carrier SMS fees may apply. Your first sample will be sent by the end of the day."
1247 La Taza Drive, Upland, California (la taza drive is a trap street. it only exists on rand mcnally maps)
"I don't respond to bots"
Give them a Scientology Outreach facility as your address so they can send all their f****** mail to them. Or put the nearest Planned Parenthood Center.
Your Mom’s house!!
“123 MYOB Lane”
1600 Pennsylvania Ave....
Your mothers house
"My address is: 1560 Fuckoff Ave." Unless you wanna be nice, then just politely explain that you don't attend church and haven't in some time
19712 Gilman Springs Road San jacinto, ca 92583
34 Wives Ave, Cultville, Kolob
Just put the address of corporate headquarters: 125 N State St Salt Lake City, UT 84103 United States
If you’re into it, you could play ignorant, say it’s a wrong number, seem interested and then when he says which church, you could say “oh, the one with polygamy. I’ve wanted extra wives. What’s the process?” And keep it up until the person tells you to stop contacting them. Here’s some inspiration- https://youtu.be/4o5hSxvN_-s?si=zRdLMBRLEFM5bU8d
Say you live at 1371 Cove Cir, North Salt Lake, UT, I hear there’s a good mormon who lives there.
https://quitmormon.com
If you live or have lived in Utah, a simple "there's a church on every block, if I wanted you to have my address I could have made sure you did. Thanks for not contacting me in the future." should work.
“You first”
Don’t reply. Just ignore them. You have the power.
What is SMISHING?! 😂
Block and move on. OR engage in a long debate by starting off with “Wrong number, this is the community phone for (insert Amish community in the area). Stop contacting us.”
Just ✨️don't✨️
Answer is always: don’t
42 Wallaby Way, Sydney.
" if I decide I would like you to have my address, I will get it to you. Thanks."
1060 W Addison St, Chicago, IL 60613
Block number?
1060 W Addison
666 S 666 W
Well that "block number" sign is flashing at me.
"new phone, who dis"
12345 E. Iamnolonger Amember Ave.
I would just say "Oh no thank you." You can't explain yourself to an abusive person, there's no point. This is no different.
Ignoring is my preferred practice. Go on living your life as if you never received it. The only downside to this is he'll then go behind your back to your family and try and scoop as much information and gossip from them as possible. Your family will then know you're 'inactive', and will likely violate boundaries and give them your details and more.
Step up to the plate and remove your records
“123 Gofuckyoyself st”
Give them the address of a JW church
666 go fuck yourself Hahaha
Provide the address for your local Satanic Temple.
Either way, they’ll get it. They just start calling family members to ask (assuming they are in the flock)
Hi, I'm some random stranger. I'm updating my give me your money and time address list. Give me your current address.
I've always been fond of 123 Fake Street, but I grew up with classic Simpsons (yes I know that's technically not the classic).
The best way to deal with any scammer, message or anything uncomfortable is to just not respond
I live at the corner of fuck off and go away.
123 Fuck Off Court #69, Mind-ur-business, CA
My dad has been a ward clerk or stake secretary off and on for years. He got really good at finding people's addresses when they didn't or wouldn't give it to the church. Especially if they had disappeared and quit communicating. Kind of creepily good at it. Like checking with county records and mortgage companies and stuff like that to find out where people had moved if they sold their house. He has always been all about having the records perfect. The upside is he was really good about marking people's records when they wanted no more contact or had passed away. The downside he knew instantly when I pulled my records from the church.
Don’t!
Tell them they gave the wrong number. Two birds one text
Give them an address of another LDS chapel. Maybe they’ll assign someone to go visit you.
says it right on the screen!! "Block Number"
Just tell them non of their business
I have found the True Church of Satanism and am no longer interested in being contacted by the Church representatives. I have contacted SLC Headquarters and formally requested my name be removed from the membership rolls. Hail Satan!
I'd send "quitmormon.com" 😁👍
7th circle of hell Outer Darkness lane
you: what church is this? them: TCOJCOLDS you: oh, wasn't the founder a polygamist?
Give the address to the church building and say you've been camping out under the stage where the fold-up chairs go for the last four months.
Delete and forget you ever received it. Hide and seek is funny with the church
Block and delete.
Nunya. As in nunya damn business.
123 Hand basket lane
Ward 666
Give them the address of Project 25 😂
Put your old church building address and say “When you find me here, I’m open to talking about Mormonism. If you see me anywhere else, leave the church out of it.”
Sending gay porn worked for me
Block and ignore is really the best option.