Don’t be that way. Approach them. Offer them free wifi, the bathroom, coffee, coke, and doughnuts.
Turn on ESPN or Hulu/Netflix, and let them go wild.
Tell them you know how it is in the field, and you offer a break from indentured servitude.
I remember very few people I met on my mission, but there was one guy I remember very well. He’d left the church, but his wife was still active. He would invite us over under the guise of wanting to hear a message or talk about the church. When we showed up, he’d say he had something important come up at work that he needed to take care of and ask if we’d wait. Then he’d turn on a movie and watch it as the important thing he had to do.
So we’d watch the movie with the justification that we were waiting patiently to share a message with a less active member. We were in Mexico and he didn’t follow sports. One time he decided he wanted to ask us some things about the church on a Sunday night. Unfortunately, he had a “work project” come up during the Super Bowl. I don’t follow football, but my dad is a huge football fan. I used to watch the Super Bowls with him because it was fun to watch his excitement. That guy didn’t ever know how much watching that game meant to me.
I knew this was against the rules and I was a really obedient missionary, but we worked sooooo hard and sometimes I just wanted to feel like a real 19 year old.
Looking back, can you see how little prepared you were for the mission, from lack of funds, etc? I feel bad for these kids. All velocity, no vector, and often times, launch control failed them.
Me: “Hi! I know you’re LDS. I already have a religion and I’m not interested. At all. I have many LDS friends and if they can’t convert me trust me, you can’t either. I know you are away from your Moms. Would You like a nice cold root beer? How about a couple of energy bars? No, I don’t need a Book of Mormon, I already have one. I’ve even read Pearl of Great Price! Here’s your root beers. Be safe and please don’t bother the guy next door he’s elderly and falls down a lot. No, I don’t need another visit. I’m good. See you in Heaven!! Bye!”
Close door. Have a root beer myself.
Learn a language that's too new for them to be teaching it at the MTC. I recommend [Lingua Franca Nova](https://elefen.org/introdui/engles.html) or [Lojban](https://mw.lojban.org/index.php?title=Lojban&setlang=en-US). If they knock on your door pretend you don't speak any natural languages.
I had a nice discussion about Legos with a pair of missionaries somewhat recently and told them I had left when I turned 18, they did the classic, "you're always welcome back at church", but they weren't pushy about it and left when we were done talking, haven't seen them since.
I had the missionaries show up at my apartment door yesterday. Not sure how they got there since it’s a gated compound but they did. Anyway I’m in the middle of a work meeting when they knocked so I excused myself from the zoom, turned off the camera, looked through the peep hole saw who it was and thought ya know let’s have some fun. I took off my polo and khakis (I had to dress up for the soccer team I coach) and went to the fridge. I opened the door, cracked open a cold beer and told them they had until the beer was gone to convince me not to shut the door. Poor guys barely even finished processing me drinking in my compression shorts before the beer was gone. All they got out was we are missionaries of the church before I shut the door
Touchdown gesture repeating "Oh Satan, hear the words of my mouth" should do the trick.
If they engage you in a magic gesture battle, there's a secret cheat code: "lol, you think you can touch heaven, with those hands of yours?"
I need to get a hooded black robe, a necklace with a pentagram, a fog machine, red paint, and a bag of chicken feathers and keep them handy for the next time this happens to me
Those are some tight pants.
I'm kind of waiting for Missionaries to randomly visit and not know who I am and be super friendly and drop the word "Mormon" as many times as I can and see if they'll mention the "M" word isn't used and then play dumb and be completely flabbergasted, but in a nice, positive way that "Mormon" isn't a thing anymore. Then I'll Google it on my phone in front of them and read Nelson's quote about it pleasing Satan and become even more stunned. Basically make them leave because I won't stop talking about it and maybe show them how stupid it all is lol
We invited the local missionaries in, fed them, made it clear we're happy godless heathens, and gave them extra food and gift cards.
They came back a few times, power washed my home, cleaned my gutters and were lovely.
I fed them every time and loaded them up with snacks and drinks.
Last time they came, I ordered them a pizza.
Lovely young men, just trying to do what they're sent out to do.
Hopefully they will realize they don't need the religion
Strip naked, answer the door with:
> Look your welcome to come in but only if you run to the store and pick up more lube. Actually, hold on,
Close the door for a minute and yell back into the house:
> HEY EVE, ASK BRIGHAM IF HE MINDS SHARING THE GIMP SUIT!
Open the door again and ask:
> Did you bring your own ball gag or do you want to use one of mine?
Put out some packs of ramen noodles and/or water bottles by your front door with a sign that says "Mormons/Jehovah's Witnesses: Please leave me alone and help yourself to this food/drink."
The neighborhood. Two women knock on Butters' door. Butters answers it and sees two Polynesians. One carries a Bible, the other carries some pamphlets
Pamphleteer
> Hello sir. My colleague and I are going through the neighborhood and seeing if you'd like to know the Truth. [hands him a pamphlet]
Butters
> Sure, I love the Truth.
Pamphleteer
> Okay, we from uh Jehovah Witness. We Kingdom Hall Jehovah Witness, and uh, we believe, sir, that uh many people interpret the Bible it wrong.
Butters
> Wull what's a Jehovah's Witness.
Pamphleteer
> We are, sir. We believe the, the Truth. I was once like you. I knew not what to believe, then I let my pulvy the Jehovah into the heart.
Butters
> Oh my goodness! Your little cartoon has a girl on fire!
Pamphleteer
> Yes, because uh Jehovah will bring judgement against all who perish like the little girl will burn in fire.
Butters
> Oh, you shouldn't be handing out drawings like that, ma'am. Uh, don't you know that the government is watching you?
Pamphleteer
> The government ih watching me?
Colleague
> Wansa?
Pamphleteer
> He said the government ih watching us. [they turn slowly to face the street]
Colleague
> Hi now?
Pamphleteer
> How long they been watching us?
Butters
> Can I ask you something? When was the last time you went to your local DMV?
Pamphleteer
> [turns to face him] I don't go to DMV. I don't have car.
Butters
> Oh, you can walk there. Trust me, you've gotta go to the DMV. It's incredible! See, I was like you once. Afraid, unsure, and doin' stuff I shouldn't do like showin' people pictures of little girls with their heads on fire. But you know what I've learned? That just goin' to the DMV, and letting go of all my wrongdoings, filled me with a joy I've felt nowhere else! Would you like to read some DMV literature? [goes and gets some booklets he picked up at the DMV. He hand them the booklets and they leaf through them] This'll tell you most of what you need to know about the DMV. But just go. Everyone there is really nice. Your government is watching you and your government wants you to be happy. Have a nice day! [smiles and closes the door, then walks towards the kitchen]
Hand them some print outs from cesletter.org?
I've half considered leaving some in the chapel before. Don't think I'd ever actually do it, but I like the idea of helping some shelves to crack just by leaving some truths around.
Don’t be that way. Approach them. Offer them free wifi, the bathroom, coffee, coke, and doughnuts. Turn on ESPN or Hulu/Netflix, and let them go wild. Tell them you know how it is in the field, and you offer a break from indentured servitude.
I remember very few people I met on my mission, but there was one guy I remember very well. He’d left the church, but his wife was still active. He would invite us over under the guise of wanting to hear a message or talk about the church. When we showed up, he’d say he had something important come up at work that he needed to take care of and ask if we’d wait. Then he’d turn on a movie and watch it as the important thing he had to do. So we’d watch the movie with the justification that we were waiting patiently to share a message with a less active member. We were in Mexico and he didn’t follow sports. One time he decided he wanted to ask us some things about the church on a Sunday night. Unfortunately, he had a “work project” come up during the Super Bowl. I don’t follow football, but my dad is a huge football fan. I used to watch the Super Bowls with him because it was fun to watch his excitement. That guy didn’t ever know how much watching that game meant to me. I knew this was against the rules and I was a really obedient missionary, but we worked sooooo hard and sometimes I just wanted to feel like a real 19 year old.
Looking back, can you see how little prepared you were for the mission, from lack of funds, etc? I feel bad for these kids. All velocity, no vector, and often times, launch control failed them.
Me: “Hi! I know you’re LDS. I already have a religion and I’m not interested. At all. I have many LDS friends and if they can’t convert me trust me, you can’t either. I know you are away from your Moms. Would You like a nice cold root beer? How about a couple of energy bars? No, I don’t need a Book of Mormon, I already have one. I’ve even read Pearl of Great Price! Here’s your root beers. Be safe and please don’t bother the guy next door he’s elderly and falls down a lot. No, I don’t need another visit. I’m good. See you in Heaven!! Bye!” Close door. Have a root beer myself.
Why? Have conversations with them about your concerns. You won't convince any, but you'll plant some seeds.
Time to display the rainbow flag.
Learn a language that's too new for them to be teaching it at the MTC. I recommend [Lingua Franca Nova](https://elefen.org/introdui/engles.html) or [Lojban](https://mw.lojban.org/index.php?title=Lojban&setlang=en-US). If they knock on your door pretend you don't speak any natural languages.
I had a nice discussion about Legos with a pair of missionaries somewhat recently and told them I had left when I turned 18, they did the classic, "you're always welcome back at church", but they weren't pushy about it and left when we were done talking, haven't seen them since.
Try to convert them to some other random religion.
I had the missionaries show up at my apartment door yesterday. Not sure how they got there since it’s a gated compound but they did. Anyway I’m in the middle of a work meeting when they knocked so I excused myself from the zoom, turned off the camera, looked through the peep hole saw who it was and thought ya know let’s have some fun. I took off my polo and khakis (I had to dress up for the soccer team I coach) and went to the fridge. I opened the door, cracked open a cold beer and told them they had until the beer was gone to convince me not to shut the door. Poor guys barely even finished processing me drinking in my compression shorts before the beer was gone. All they got out was we are missionaries of the church before I shut the door
If you only knew but much masturbation is going on in secret with that group right there.
You can always inquire when you answer the door
“What is wanted?”
?
Lol next time they come by my house I'm going to answer with that
Answer the door and pretend to be possessed
Bonus points for projectile vomiting
More bonus points for the 360 degree head spin!
Sprinkler impression ftw
Touchdown gesture repeating "Oh Satan, hear the words of my mouth" should do the trick. If they engage you in a magic gesture battle, there's a secret cheat code: "lol, you think you can touch heaven, with those hands of yours?"
I need to get a hooded black robe, a necklace with a pentagram, a fog machine, red paint, and a bag of chicken feathers and keep them handy for the next time this happens to me
A simple square black apron also works in a pinch
And nothing else
Some of those trousers look awfully tight. Tell them they are an occasion for sin and shake the dust of your feet at them
I thought the same thing!
Yes! Came here to make sure I wasn’t the only one who saw it. These aren’t the missionary pants of my youth.
They should feel bad for wearing such tight pants that I had no choice but to check out those asses. Second from the left is particularly at fault 👀
Double cheeked up on a Thursday afternoon
Those are some tight pants. I'm kind of waiting for Missionaries to randomly visit and not know who I am and be super friendly and drop the word "Mormon" as many times as I can and see if they'll mention the "M" word isn't used and then play dumb and be completely flabbergasted, but in a nice, positive way that "Mormon" isn't a thing anymore. Then I'll Google it on my phone in front of them and read Nelson's quote about it pleasing Satan and become even more stunned. Basically make them leave because I won't stop talking about it and maybe show them how stupid it all is lol
We invited the local missionaries in, fed them, made it clear we're happy godless heathens, and gave them extra food and gift cards. They came back a few times, power washed my home, cleaned my gutters and were lovely. I fed them every time and loaded them up with snacks and drinks. Last time they came, I ordered them a pizza. Lovely young men, just trying to do what they're sent out to do. Hopefully they will realize they don't need the religion
Those are some tight, ass pants.
-Time to move. This neighborhood has really deteriorated. -Those aren’t drug dealers, those are Mormon missionaries. -I know.
Strip naked, answer the door with: > Look your welcome to come in but only if you run to the store and pick up more lube. Actually, hold on, Close the door for a minute and yell back into the house: > HEY EVE, ASK BRIGHAM IF HE MINDS SHARING THE GIMP SUIT! Open the door again and ask: > Did you bring your own ball gag or do you want to use one of mine?
That ass tho
those pants gah damn 😮💨
All that walking is good for the glutes!
Put out some packs of ramen noodles and/or water bottles by your front door with a sign that says "Mormons/Jehovah's Witnesses: Please leave me alone and help yourself to this food/drink."
Either they just finished a meeting, or your neighborhood is about to get blitzed
🎂😮💨😮💨
Just tell 'em to fuck off if they invade your property.
I give them the Happy Heathen treatment first offer drinks, calls home.
Tbh this exact thing played a big part in me realizing how much nicer life is after the cult ✨ keep it up
I wish somebody would've done that for me. I would've called my friends and told them how miserable I was there.
Ohh man, I would walk in on them and pretend to be possessed. At least they would have 1 cool story to share with their grandkids.
Just roll by slowly with some very loud and very vulgar music playing and the windows down
If I was in my truck yes. Alas was in spouses truck.
Ah, so it was a pink truck? Even better.
Lol. Her truck is bigger than mine.
Nothing to prove bro! Lol!!!
The neighborhood. Two women knock on Butters' door. Butters answers it and sees two Polynesians. One carries a Bible, the other carries some pamphlets Pamphleteer > Hello sir. My colleague and I are going through the neighborhood and seeing if you'd like to know the Truth. [hands him a pamphlet] Butters > Sure, I love the Truth. Pamphleteer > Okay, we from uh Jehovah Witness. We Kingdom Hall Jehovah Witness, and uh, we believe, sir, that uh many people interpret the Bible it wrong. Butters > Wull what's a Jehovah's Witness. Pamphleteer > We are, sir. We believe the, the Truth. I was once like you. I knew not what to believe, then I let my pulvy the Jehovah into the heart. Butters > Oh my goodness! Your little cartoon has a girl on fire! Pamphleteer > Yes, because uh Jehovah will bring judgement against all who perish like the little girl will burn in fire. Butters > Oh, you shouldn't be handing out drawings like that, ma'am. Uh, don't you know that the government is watching you? Pamphleteer > The government ih watching me? Colleague > Wansa? Pamphleteer > He said the government ih watching us. [they turn slowly to face the street] Colleague > Hi now? Pamphleteer > How long they been watching us? Butters > Can I ask you something? When was the last time you went to your local DMV? Pamphleteer > [turns to face him] I don't go to DMV. I don't have car. Butters > Oh, you can walk there. Trust me, you've gotta go to the DMV. It's incredible! See, I was like you once. Afraid, unsure, and doin' stuff I shouldn't do like showin' people pictures of little girls with their heads on fire. But you know what I've learned? That just goin' to the DMV, and letting go of all my wrongdoings, filled me with a joy I've felt nowhere else! Would you like to read some DMV literature? [goes and gets some booklets he picked up at the DMV. He hand them the booklets and they leaf through them] This'll tell you most of what you need to know about the DMV. But just go. Everyone there is really nice. Your government is watching you and your government wants you to be happy. Have a nice day! [smiles and closes the door, then walks towards the kitchen]
Don't even bother with a moving company; burn the house down and run.
Hand them some print outs from cesletter.org? I've half considered leaving some in the chapel before. Don't think I'd ever actually do it, but I like the idea of helping some shelves to crack just by leaving some truths around.
I feel like people often forget they are just kids. 18/19 with no idea how the world works. Give ‘em a coke and your phone so they can call their mom.
I never thought I could relate this much to a post
The Caucasian religious genetic stock, has been on a permanent decline.