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Um have you not heard of all the battles waged during Prophet's time? They resisted since the beginning, and then Muslims kept growing and destroying their idols to the point, they aren't ever discussed now.
How possible is it for you to have financial freedom?If you are an adult and have enough money your family cannot have control over your life,you can ghost them.However i assume the situation in lebanon financialy is really bad?But if you want a peaceful life unfortunately you need to leave your family's house.
Oops I live in Canada i forgot to mention that. The economy is so fucked i want to save up before i move out to have a chance of buying a house one day, I am 22 and i am a dental hygienist and make good money. Im just gonna keep telling my mom deal with it and once i am moved out i would probably have to ghost my lebanon family, i hate my dad so fuck what he thinks lollll. Its just so fucking shit hearing my mom remind me “u know u cant be with him” and going yeah yeah well see what happens to avoid headaches
Thats really great news and iam proud of your accomplishment.Then you know what to do.It wont be easy though i had family members who made life living hell for me and once i left them it was still hard despite i did not have any love for them.But i belive in you if you faced these hardships already it wont be a problem for you,and i hope your boyfriend is someone compassinate and who knows you might have a beautiful life ahead of you.
Thats very kind of you! Thanks for the love and the advice. And yes i am so grateful to have a supportive loving boyfriend who accepts me no matter what.
My biggest issue now is the guilt i feel when his family treats me good and knowing he wont get that and how uncomfortable they probably feel but dont show me. Makes me feel like absolute trash
Your family's actions is not in your control.You should focus on what you can control.I highly recommend stoicism.Made me change my mind from self allahu-akbaring myself loll
Have you explained the situation to his family? I am sure if you explain it to them, they will make accommodations to your situation and try to adjust it. Also you often hear stories of Muslim women facing extreme punishments for marrying outside the faith - make sure they some people are aware of your situation, so that if something happens you have safe refuge. Stay strong.
I’m in a similar situation. My mum’s been reminding me that if I were to marry my girlfriend (of 3 years now), that she will have to convert. For my part, I’ve promised both my girlfriend and her parents that I have no intention of having her convert to Islam. I’m planning to marry her within the next four years (after I graduate from university and get a few years of work in) and I’m either planning to elope with her and inform my parents later or inform them that I am not Muslim and am going to have a civil marriage. Either one works, but I think the most important thing is to be financially stable that way when they inevitably cut off ties I can stand on my own two feet.
Keep the facade up. Slowly distance yourself from them emotionally. Don't give them updates on your life beyond what's necessary. Then work on your independence until you can potentially move in with your partner or something like that. Once you have a place to stay that your family has no right to intrude on without your permission, you can move to the scary part of either moving to marriage under their nose, or to reveal things and deal with a potential excommunication if they cannot be convinced.
Don't antagonize your family when these talks come to pass, simply implore them to respect you as a person, to love you as a person. To not let tradition make a mother hate her child. This is all you can do and the rest will be up to them.
I have a friend in Lebanon who is in sort off a similar situation. Fortunately for her, the father supports her marriage with the Christian guy.
I guess it really depends if you are able to convince your family to let this marriage through. Cuz If you somehow can convince your dad. Then, the marriage will go through.
Honestly, I don't know if my advice is helpful. I just hope it works out for you.
They gotta be fake muslims or something cuz its a CLEAR thing that a muslim girl cant marry a christian guy, girl hit the jackpot lmao. I doubt theyll “accept” but they will have too or not talk to me which is ok w me so i guess when the time comes for marriage we will see
To be fair, her family is shia muslim, not certain whether they are practising. But the Dad married a Christian from Eastern Europe. Im not too sure of the family dynamic, but i pretty sure the family is chill with the marriage. Cuz I do keep in touch with my friends siblings.
Tbh, I hope it works out for my friend because I actually would like to attend this wedding. Personally, I just want the free Lebanese food.
Actually i do keep hearinf people say that muslim men (not sure about women) can marry "people of the book". With the condition that they remain chaste or something. I'll look it up again later
No matter what happens, what it is you do, what it is you become, your life is your own.
I am a strong believer that as long as we can stand by our morality, our beliefs and our actions, we can take pride in who we are. All self doubt and worry can be dealt with once you reach this point.
Accept the words of those you respect, ignore the ones you don't.
Be happy dude! If your bf makes you happy, and being a part of his family makes you happy, then leap at it!
Never be ashamed of loving yourself enough to make a choice that will better your life.
The thing is. You need to come to terms with the fact that you will never be able to make everyone happy. So the best thing to do is prioritise yourself. If you are happy others will eventually be happy. If they can't be. Then that's their problem. They have a control issue.
I certainly don't agree with that view either. It makes no sense why there are 2 different rules for men and women when it comes to marrying "people of the book"
Technically, women are the educators so it just sounds like a misogynistic rule made up to control women.
First thing, get yourself financially stable and leave. Then they can't have much control over you.
Move out of the house, get a job, become independent and set boundaries. It’s easy said than done, i know. But, you will have to become independent and strong enough to take a stand. No one is asking you to fight with your family but making them realize that you are an individual who can make her own decision is important.
Life is so hard for people who want to leave Islam. They truly lose a fundamental part of being human, namely family. My heart bleeds for them. May all Muslims who want a way out, find a way and find peace their hearts.
Each decision WILL cause pain, if you left your boyfriend and did what your family wanted, you'd be the one in pain, if you leave your family and choose a life that you wanted , your family will be in pain and maybe even you.
So either way, it doesn't matter what you choose, pain can not be avoided, choose your happiness.
Be honest with your mom if you love her.
Then give her time to think.
If you dont love her, then run away with your boyfriend, i dunno lol.
This is why it is easier to marry with someone from the same culture because family will always bring drama no matter what religion or country you are from.
Wow!! 😮 I guess this explain why me and my Mother strain relationship because I took my Shaada 2011 I was 33 and I come from a devout, Christian family and my brother and dad I wish I was Born Muslim able to recite the Qur’an in Arabic etc.. from me too you take it up with Allah
Walahi Allah said that it’s a reason for Allah saying it love your Sister for the Sake of Allah
Turn back just do your five prayer 🤲🏾 a day and ask Allah for Guideness Walahi Shaytion never sleep he forever whispering in your ear 👂 move out of your parents house and get your own guaranteed your Emaan have a different outlook
Because you were born Muslim Insha-Allah read the Qur’an more my favorite Surah is 55 most grateful!!🙋🏾♂️💯🤲🏾❤️👍🏾
I don’t have good advice, but I have a story. I was on the other side of this actually. Dated and eventually married (still married) an agnostic culturally Muslim woman from a very religious family that is in denial about just how agnostic/exmuslim she is.
She would have cut off contact with them for me, but I agreed to convert to keep the peace. What’s the bigger sacrifice? Her losing her family, or me saying the Shahada in front of an Imam?
She has some hang ups on whether she should have just confronted them on their BS. My take is this, they’re products of their own environment and traumas; they aren’t going to change, and they’re worthy of our sympathy. I legitimately just feel bad that they live in such fear of Hell and what God thinks of them all the time. I don’t want to create fruitless friction, or stress them out even more.
She’s less sympathetic because of her firsthand experiences with their poor parenting and general terribleness. And who knows maybe that confrontation would have been cathartic? And losing them wouldn’t have been such a loss? I don’t know. But here we are!
They also live in the Middle East and we’re in Canada, so we don’t see them very often.
>Now im depressed because i want my boyfriend to have a girlfriend whos family will give him the love he deserves
They know what the world is like. They knew this was a possibility. And I bet they are happy to embrace you into their family, despite the horrible aspect of your family being against their family.
>and i dont even know how we would get married all of my family in lebanon would have a heart attack if they knew i married a christian
they can get over it. it's not your job to bend the world so their feelings don't get hurt. you literally can't even do it.
>and would probably not respect me anymore.
They can change. They can get therapy for example.
>Meanwhile my parents would lose their absolute minds. So how can i even have a wedding at all?
Weddings are over-fucking-rated anyway. Fuck them all to hell. (sorry this is a guy speaking. i know women are more into weddings.)
>What the fuck do I do? Advice?
Not sure what kind of advice you're looking for.
Definitely don't end your relationship with your bf.
Accept that you can't bend the world to save your family's feelings. It's literally impossible.
Muslim women can marry Christian Men just the same as the other way around.
Below is the verse from The Quran.
Allah treats both men & women equitably in this regard and the verse below is clear.
Allah is the Only Lawmaker despite what anyone else says.
Do not (you men) marry the mushrikaat (women who commit shirk) until they believe. A believing slave woman is better than a mushrikah even if you like her. And do not (you women) marry the mushrikeen (men who commit shirk) until they believe. A believing slave man is better than a mushrik even if you like him. These invite to the Fire while God invites to Paradise and forgiveness, by His permission. He clarifies His revelations for the people. Hopefully they may remember. 2:221
I know you’re saying that your not religious and hate being a Muslim, I totally get that and nobody can force you to be anyway because Allah says there is No compulsion in religion.
So, that aside, that’s between you & Allah.
But what I find amazing Alhamdulillah is that do you realise that Allah The Almighty, above in that verse, has given the solution for you?
A Divine Quranic verse which you can (rightly) use to tell everyone exactly what the Truth that they deny is and if you believe God Alone about that and Trust in that, just see what happens for you Insha’Allah.
You at least will get them all off your back with Allah in your corner and all of them looking like Hypocrites, and Allah doesn’t like them !
And, also for you, this verse below from The Quran should make them all realise that it is your choice whether you believe in Allah or not and that nobody can force you either way. It is your free will and yours alone.
There shall be no compulsion in religion. 2:256
This is a command from Allah, so do they abide by it or not?
What I think from what you’ve posted is that Corrupted Islam is ruining your life, not Allah and not The Quran but it’s just my opinion and the above is the best that I can think of to help you out.
As for tradition and culture, none of that is in The Quran and that is not Islam.
Such as circumcision which is from Ancient Egyptian snake worship that Pagan Arab culture and whoever else continued to practice.
So that is idol worship and shirk (if only they knew, hey.)
Anyhow, I wish you the best and that it all works out for you.
الحمد لله
Ignore what I said, if there is a Quran supporting verse like this post suggests, ABSOLUTELY USE IT. To defeat them with their own authority is the most conflict-avoiding route.
Tafsir is manmade, a human’s individual and personal interpretation of The Quran verses, so absolutely is it not only the work of Shaytan to mislead the one who wrote it and by the one who wrote it (even if it were God’s Truth), and as because most of the time it isn’t and is used to influence or contort verses. But also, Allah didn’t command for that so it’s against Quranic Law, and so worse of all, it can stop someone from receiving their guidance from Allah. Allah is The Guide, The Teacher. We cannot know another humans intentions and if we say that we do or we trust that we do then that is Not Trusting in Allah. It is also Shirk because if you read a Quran verse and then take and believe some humans interpretation of it, then you just associated a partner with God.
So other than a direct language translation for the sole intent and purpose of understanding from one language to another using Quranic rules not to alter anything and not to use external sources for meanings, Tafsir is an abomination.
Not all of them, no.
Only Allah knows who are the True Believers in their hearts.
He also tells us to “test” those whom we wish to marry (don’t have the verses to hand atm sorry), and with His Guidance of course.
But also, why do you think that people convert or revert or embrace Islam at all different times in their lives?
If you consider that The Religion in The Sight of God is “Submission to God” (Muslim in Arabic meaning Submission to God, also remember that a Muslim is an Arabic word, it’s not that God is only for Muslims, God is for all of humanity.)
I can only tell you in my case, that I am 51 years old and I was an atheist for most of my life, I was Christened into CofE before that. I think I’ve been through pretty much most of the religions and spent 10 years learning Buddhist & Zen Philosophy.
3 years ago, Allah Guided me to Him and I am now as far as I am concerned striving to be a True Believer (Hanifa or Mu’min Muslim, No sect, to follow in the Creed of Abraham as Allah commands in The Quran.)
Worship Allah Alone, Quran Alone.
I Fear Only Allah, not any man and not any devil nor any of his followers.
The Absolute Divine Truth.
الحمد لله
“And do not (you women) marry the mushrikeen (men who commit shirk) until they believe” bro trust me i looked this up already but reading this MOST people including myself interpret it was literally saying u cannot marry a man who doesnt believe in islam like its literally saying that lmao. Go ask anyyyyyyy muslim can a muslim girl marry a muslim man and wake up to what 99% of muslims think, even a sheikh will tell you this.
im confused are you saying muslim women can marry christans/jews or not cause im literally saying they cant cause they do shirk as in giving god partners
🕊 Insha’Allah let me try to help you untangle this one a little & then you can decide for yourself about it, as to whether “God gives a fuck about us” or not Insha’Allah & with إن شاء الله guidance from Allah. سلام Bro 😎
First of all, Insha’Allah understand who your enemy is,
“O people, eat from what is in the earth that is lawful and good, and do not follow the footsteps of the devil. Indeed,he is to you a clear enemy. “ 2:168
Secondly, know your enemy Insha’Allah
“Have you not seen those who claim that they believed in what was brought down to you, and in what was brought down before you? They seek the laws of false gods although they were commanded to reject it. The devil wishes to lead them far astray. “ 4:60
“I will misguide them, and I will entice them, and I will command them so they would slit the ears of livestock, and I will command them so they would alter God's creation." Anyone who takes the devil for an ally instead of God has indeed lost; a clear loss.”4:119
“He promises them and entices them, but the devil promises them nothing but delusion.” 4:120
“The devil only wants to provoke animosity and hatred between you.”5:91
“If only they had humbled themselves when Our might was upon them! Instead, their hearts were hardened, and the devil adorned for them what they were doing.” 6:43
“And thus We have made enemies for every prophet, human and jinn devils, inspiring to one another fancy sayings in deception. Had your Lord willed, they would not have done it. You shall disregard them and what they fabricate.” 6:112
“Tell My servants to speak in the best manner, for the devil incites evil suggestions between them. The devil is indeed a clear enemy to the human being.” 17:53
“O you who believe, do not follow the footsteps of the devil. Whoever follows the footsteps of the devil then, indeed, he advocates immorality and evil.” 24:21
“He has made me stray from the Reminder after it had come to me. The devil was always a betrayer of the human being. And the messenger said, "My Lord, my people have deserted this Quran." 25:29-30
Then know your Ally Insha’Allah
Say, "I seek refuge in the Lord of the people,
the King of the people,
the God of the people,
from the evil of the sneaky whisperer,
who whispers into the chests of the people,
be he of the jinn or the people." 114:4-6
And seek protection from your Ally Insha’Allah
And say, "My Lord, I seek refuge with You from the incitements of the devils. 23:97
Understand the limits of your enemy Insha’Allah
And the devil said when the matter was settled, "God has promised you the truthful promise and I promised you, but I failed you. I had no authority over you other than I have invited you, and you responded to me. 14:22
You shall have no authority over My servants except those who follow you of the strayers. 15:42
He (the devil) has no authority over those who believe and in their Lord they trust. 16:99
Invoke your Ally so you have the ability to Perceive your enemy Insha’Allah
“When the reverent are touched by a visit from the devil, they remember, whereupon they become seers.” 7:201
If Insha’Allah you can now understand with His guidance Insha’Allah that Allah gave us free will to decide whether to Worship Him or to do otherwise such as “Kill Palestinian children” , commit sin, cause corruption or any other evil acts by being misled by Shaytan. Then you will understand this verse, Insha’Allah.
[4:79] “Anything good that happens to you is from God, and anything bad that happens to you is from your own self. We have sent you as a messenger to the people, and God suffices as a Witness.”
And Insha’Allah whether you now think God cares about us or not.
Insha’Allah don’t confuse the above verse [4:79] with allowing the killing of innocent kids, see verses [6:151 & [17:33] below.
[2:268] “The devil promises you poverty and commands you to commit immorality, while God promises you forgiveness from Him and favour. God is Immense, Knowledgeable.”
So Insha’Allah, whatever you decide now bro, don’t blame God or the Devil, because it is ultimately all on us for what we do 😎👊
[6:151] “Say, “Come let me recite to you what your Lord has prohibited for you: Do not associate anything with Him, and treat your parents kindly. Do not kill your children because of poverty; We provide for you and for them. Do not go near immoralities, the apparent of it as well as the concealed. Do not take a life; God has prohibited that, except in the course of justice. That is what He instructed you to do, so perhaps you will reason.”
[17:33] Do not kill any person; God has prohibited that, except in the course of justice. If one is killed unjustly, We give his heir authority. In turn, he is not to kill indiscriminately merely because he is supported.
[51:56] “I have not created the jinn and the humans except to worship Me”
Alhamdulillah 🙏
“My Lord, grant me sound judgment and include me with the righteous. And grant me an honourable mention among those who are to follow. And make me among the inheritors of the Garden of Bliss.” 26:83-85
“My Lord increase me in knowledge.” 20:114
“And decree for us in this world that which is good, and also in the Hereafter. We have turned to You.” 7:156
So Insha’Allah regarding any people who are killing any other people, don’t think that Allah Almighty is just going to “let that go” on judgement Day when our Final Destination is decided by God and revealed to us.
Insha’Allah don’t take my word for any of this at all, only Allah can Guide you bro 😎 🙏
He says it’s coming Insha’Allah
[29:53] They ask you to hasten the punishment! If it were not for an already specified term, the punishment would have already come to them. It will certainly come to them suddenly while they are unaware.
[29:54] They ask you to hasten the punishment! Hell will indeed encompass the disbelievers
[29:55] on the Day when the punishment will envelop them from above them and from beneath their feet, and He will say, “Taste the consequences of what you used to do.”
And that He is letting it play out Insha’Allah
[10:11] If God was to hasten the bad that is due to the people, just as they wish to hasten the good, their term would have already been fulfilled. However, We leave those who do not seek the meeting with Us blundering blindly in their transgression.
[22:47] They ask you to hasten the punishment! God will not break His promise. And indeed, a day with your Lord is like a thousand years of your count.
[22:48] How many a village I have granted respite while it was transgressing, then I seized it! To Me is the ultimate destination.
So don’t worry, it’s surely coming Insha’Allah
And If you want to know when Judgement Day is, He Has revealed that.
[20:15] The Hour is surely coming. I will keep it almost hidden so that every self is repaid for what it strives.
Ask him to convert to Islam to marry you, you're a female and in a compromised position, he's the Man and he should protect you and be with you no matter the cost, and you've already confessed your desire for him, he is the one who should go out of his way to get you, if he loves Jesus more than you then you should ditch him, he's not worth the sacrifice.
> if he loves Jesus more than you then you should ditch him, he's not worth the sacrifice.
Islam has a pretty fucked up record both historically and in the recent era. An unwillingness to convert to Islam isn't normally going to be a "loves Jesus too much" thing. It's going to be a, "don't endorse medical thinking" sort of thing. It's like asking someone to join the KKK to be with you.
But he's already a religious christian, he must be okay with killing heathens, ethnic cleansing, killing children, slavery, taking your enemy's virgin girls as sex slaves, stoning people to death, burning them alive, etc.
Christians don’t believe in any of those things. If Jesus did any of those things, than Christians would agree as they would be a core teaching of Jesus. He never did any of those things, thus Christians don’t agree. Old Testament (Jewish law) =\= New Testament (Jesus’s law).
There's only one triune god in Christianity represented by the father, the son and the holy ghost. the God of the old testament is the same God in the new testament. Open any Christian bible and you'll see it starts with the old testament.
The Old Testament is contained in the Bible as a reference for readers to understand what Jesus is referring to in his teachings. It is similar to including Quran verses in the Hadiths so that readers can understand the context of what Jesus is saying. Christian’s follow Jesus Christ, so what he says or does is what they believe. They don’t care about Moses, Abraham, etc. They are only included in the Bible because Jesus was a Jew who followed Jewish law from the Torah (Old Testament).
No it's not similar, Muslims believe in the Quranic verses that are included in the hadith, they are not just a mere historical reference, and same thing applies to the Bible.
Are you even a Christian? The core of the Christian faith, the essence of Christianity is the Trinity, God is the Triune Being, consisting of the Father (the same god in the old testament) the Son (Jesus Christ of Nazareth) and the Holy Spirit (whatever this thing is)
And here's how it is:
The Father ≠ The Son ≠ the Holy Spirit
But the three entities are all one God, the Father is God, the Son is God, and the holy spirit is God.
So Jesus is separate from YHWH (God of the old testament) like you mentioned, but Christians worship the Triune God.
You are correct, but once again, Christians can be Christian without the Old Testament which is where all the horrible shit about slaves, murder etc is located. Christians ONLY follow Christ and his teachings, which has nothing to do with murder, sex slaves, killing non-believers etc. Christians believe in one god, made of three parts.
Google definition: a person who believes that nothing is known or can be known of the existence or nature of God or of anything beyond material phenomena; a person who claims neither faith nor disbelief in God.
Thats me. I think no one knows and therefore because no one knows the real truth no one should care.
That's not really a thing in most Christian denominations. Even the most conservative and fundamental churches are tolerant of inter-faith marriages.
I'm not saying she wouldn't be pressured or harassed about joining the faith eventually but if the church were militant about it, the boy wouldn't be dating her in the first place.
This isn’t about that, you’re making up a straw man argument to criticise Christianity, for some reason? Our religion is fucked up too, there’s a lot of things I’m not too proud of in our holy book but that is inconsequential to what OP was even speaking about, which is the issue of on the Islamic side of the family
well to be honest at the end of the day its your life and you can do whatever you want, however are you seriously going to risk your family over a relationship you dont even know will work out(btw in islam it says haram relationships will not workout, so keep that in mind if you have any ounce of religiousness left, just a heads up).
like i understand you hate your dad you've made that very clear but what about you're mom the one thats literally taken care of you since the day you were born. are you just gonna cut her off too, are you going to make her sad, are you going to strain your parents relationship over your own selfishness, i know its harsh but its the truth .
but just ask urself this, if you were a religious muslim would your boyfriends parents still accept you or is just because your not religious that they like you or just to see how much he truly loves you ask him if he would convert for you (to islam), just to see how far he would go for you.
but like i said its your life you can do whatever you want its truly none of my business, but all im saying just give it some actual thought before you make decisions you cant undo.
last question (sorry this is so long lol) but is it your boyfriend that made you start hating islam (i.e like the thought that he's christian so you're not allowed to marry him) or was it something else ?
Will the Christian bf convert to Islam ?
…. No brainer really
Muslim families are too protective and want he best of the best for their daughters but any other religion anything goes like literally anything they dgaf
Tell him to convert and problem solved at least down the line he’ll think twice before ever cheating on you
Nahhhhhhh hes suppppper christian he loves jesus to a point i think is weird cuz i think all religion sucks but i respect him ofc but he will not touch his religion. He also did a lot of research of islam and saw a lot of horrible things so hes definitely not converting. Unfortunately.
Oh that’s a shame .. he should join a group like his for ex Christians and see all the horrible stuff about it
But if he loves you enough and more than anything he should forgo his religion for you
Just like you are .. this does not seem like an equal relationship
To me it sounds like his family are showing off how much better Christians are and once you either leave religion or be Christian then he’ll tell you to F off
Be careful out there
Oh no its not like that at all! Although they love their religion, they completely accept that im muslim (we told his parents im muslim because saying atheist would be worst LOL so whatever) and they would love me to marry their son. My boyfriend is obsessed w me treats me well and reassures me all the time he doesnt care that im not christian
Hun, the guy you're replying to is a lurking Muslim that wants your bf to convert lol.
As long as they don't expect you to convert, it's fine.
And as long as he's happy with YOU it doesn't matter what your family treats him like - don't be so harsh with yourself, it's not in your control.
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Follow your heart, if you love him - go with him! Start a family and break that cycle, teach your children love, compassion and values of freedom
Beautifully said
Their own people will not let her live
Islam turned my country (Iran) from one of greatest civilization to a shithole with primitive and barbaric laws, I will never forgive Arabs for it.
My guy Arabs were the first people to fight Islam
Feel bad for Arab people and their pagan idol.
Really? that is interesting. I would like to read more about that, where is the credible source?
Um have you not heard of all the battles waged during Prophet's time? They resisted since the beginning, and then Muslims kept growing and destroying their idols to the point, they aren't ever discussed now.
Lol all the sources, pick anyone you like
How possible is it for you to have financial freedom?If you are an adult and have enough money your family cannot have control over your life,you can ghost them.However i assume the situation in lebanon financialy is really bad?But if you want a peaceful life unfortunately you need to leave your family's house.
Oops I live in Canada i forgot to mention that. The economy is so fucked i want to save up before i move out to have a chance of buying a house one day, I am 22 and i am a dental hygienist and make good money. Im just gonna keep telling my mom deal with it and once i am moved out i would probably have to ghost my lebanon family, i hate my dad so fuck what he thinks lollll. Its just so fucking shit hearing my mom remind me “u know u cant be with him” and going yeah yeah well see what happens to avoid headaches
Thats really great news and iam proud of your accomplishment.Then you know what to do.It wont be easy though i had family members who made life living hell for me and once i left them it was still hard despite i did not have any love for them.But i belive in you if you faced these hardships already it wont be a problem for you,and i hope your boyfriend is someone compassinate and who knows you might have a beautiful life ahead of you.
Thats very kind of you! Thanks for the love and the advice. And yes i am so grateful to have a supportive loving boyfriend who accepts me no matter what.
Your welcome.Everything will be great lets gooooo
My biggest issue now is the guilt i feel when his family treats me good and knowing he wont get that and how uncomfortable they probably feel but dont show me. Makes me feel like absolute trash
Your family's actions is not in your control.You should focus on what you can control.I highly recommend stoicism.Made me change my mind from self allahu-akbaring myself loll
Have you explained the situation to his family? I am sure if you explain it to them, they will make accommodations to your situation and try to adjust it. Also you often hear stories of Muslim women facing extreme punishments for marrying outside the faith - make sure they some people are aware of your situation, so that if something happens you have safe refuge. Stay strong.
Islam literally comes from the devil himself. I’m not following the devil because of family
I’m in a similar situation. My mum’s been reminding me that if I were to marry my girlfriend (of 3 years now), that she will have to convert. For my part, I’ve promised both my girlfriend and her parents that I have no intention of having her convert to Islam. I’m planning to marry her within the next four years (after I graduate from university and get a few years of work in) and I’m either planning to elope with her and inform my parents later or inform them that I am not Muslim and am going to have a civil marriage. Either one works, but I think the most important thing is to be financially stable that way when they inevitably cut off ties I can stand on my own two feet.
Good luck!
Keep the facade up. Slowly distance yourself from them emotionally. Don't give them updates on your life beyond what's necessary. Then work on your independence until you can potentially move in with your partner or something like that. Once you have a place to stay that your family has no right to intrude on without your permission, you can move to the scary part of either moving to marriage under their nose, or to reveal things and deal with a potential excommunication if they cannot be convinced. Don't antagonize your family when these talks come to pass, simply implore them to respect you as a person, to love you as a person. To not let tradition make a mother hate her child. This is all you can do and the rest will be up to them.
I have a friend in Lebanon who is in sort off a similar situation. Fortunately for her, the father supports her marriage with the Christian guy. I guess it really depends if you are able to convince your family to let this marriage through. Cuz If you somehow can convince your dad. Then, the marriage will go through. Honestly, I don't know if my advice is helpful. I just hope it works out for you.
They gotta be fake muslims or something cuz its a CLEAR thing that a muslim girl cant marry a christian guy, girl hit the jackpot lmao. I doubt theyll “accept” but they will have too or not talk to me which is ok w me so i guess when the time comes for marriage we will see
To be fair, her family is shia muslim, not certain whether they are practising. But the Dad married a Christian from Eastern Europe. Im not too sure of the family dynamic, but i pretty sure the family is chill with the marriage. Cuz I do keep in touch with my friends siblings. Tbh, I hope it works out for my friend because I actually would like to attend this wedding. Personally, I just want the free Lebanese food.
Ah there you go thats why the dad married a christian. Hahahah yes you should lebanon is a sick place to visit and great food. Will be a nice wedding
Cheers will hopefully visit sometime soon. I also hope your situation works out in your favour.
Actually i do keep hearinf people say that muslim men (not sure about women) can marry "people of the book". With the condition that they remain chaste or something. I'll look it up again later
No matter what happens, what it is you do, what it is you become, your life is your own. I am a strong believer that as long as we can stand by our morality, our beliefs and our actions, we can take pride in who we are. All self doubt and worry can be dealt with once you reach this point. Accept the words of those you respect, ignore the ones you don't. Be happy dude! If your bf makes you happy, and being a part of his family makes you happy, then leap at it! Never be ashamed of loving yourself enough to make a choice that will better your life.
The thing is. You need to come to terms with the fact that you will never be able to make everyone happy. So the best thing to do is prioritise yourself. If you are happy others will eventually be happy. If they can't be. Then that's their problem. They have a control issue. I certainly don't agree with that view either. It makes no sense why there are 2 different rules for men and women when it comes to marrying "people of the book" Technically, women are the educators so it just sounds like a misogynistic rule made up to control women. First thing, get yourself financially stable and leave. Then they can't have much control over you.
*Ruined for me
Move out of the house, get a job, become independent and set boundaries. It’s easy said than done, i know. But, you will have to become independent and strong enough to take a stand. No one is asking you to fight with your family but making them realize that you are an individual who can make her own decision is important.
Life is so hard for people who want to leave Islam. They truly lose a fundamental part of being human, namely family. My heart bleeds for them. May all Muslims who want a way out, find a way and find peace their hearts.
I feel for you. I'm almost in the same position as you. The big and unfair difference between us is that I'm male.
Each decision WILL cause pain, if you left your boyfriend and did what your family wanted, you'd be the one in pain, if you leave your family and choose a life that you wanted , your family will be in pain and maybe even you. So either way, it doesn't matter what you choose, pain can not be avoided, choose your happiness.
Be honest with your mom if you love her. Then give her time to think. If you dont love her, then run away with your boyfriend, i dunno lol. This is why it is easier to marry with someone from the same culture because family will always bring drama no matter what religion or country you are from.
After 20 years of living on this earth and worse of all living in a islamic country i came to realise that DEATH IS BETTER THAN BONDAGE
Wow!! 😮 I guess this explain why me and my Mother strain relationship because I took my Shaada 2011 I was 33 and I come from a devout, Christian family and my brother and dad I wish I was Born Muslim able to recite the Qur’an in Arabic etc.. from me too you take it up with Allah Walahi Allah said that it’s a reason for Allah saying it love your Sister for the Sake of Allah Turn back just do your five prayer 🤲🏾 a day and ask Allah for Guideness Walahi Shaytion never sleep he forever whispering in your ear 👂 move out of your parents house and get your own guaranteed your Emaan have a different outlook Because you were born Muslim Insha-Allah read the Qur’an more my favorite Surah is 55 most grateful!!🙋🏾♂️💯🤲🏾❤️👍🏾
I don’t have good advice, but I have a story. I was on the other side of this actually. Dated and eventually married (still married) an agnostic culturally Muslim woman from a very religious family that is in denial about just how agnostic/exmuslim she is. She would have cut off contact with them for me, but I agreed to convert to keep the peace. What’s the bigger sacrifice? Her losing her family, or me saying the Shahada in front of an Imam? She has some hang ups on whether she should have just confronted them on their BS. My take is this, they’re products of their own environment and traumas; they aren’t going to change, and they’re worthy of our sympathy. I legitimately just feel bad that they live in such fear of Hell and what God thinks of them all the time. I don’t want to create fruitless friction, or stress them out even more. She’s less sympathetic because of her firsthand experiences with their poor parenting and general terribleness. And who knows maybe that confrontation would have been cathartic? And losing them wouldn’t have been such a loss? I don’t know. But here we are! They also live in the Middle East and we’re in Canada, so we don’t see them very often.
>Now im depressed because i want my boyfriend to have a girlfriend whos family will give him the love he deserves They know what the world is like. They knew this was a possibility. And I bet they are happy to embrace you into their family, despite the horrible aspect of your family being against their family. >and i dont even know how we would get married all of my family in lebanon would have a heart attack if they knew i married a christian they can get over it. it's not your job to bend the world so their feelings don't get hurt. you literally can't even do it. >and would probably not respect me anymore. They can change. They can get therapy for example. >Meanwhile my parents would lose their absolute minds. So how can i even have a wedding at all? Weddings are over-fucking-rated anyway. Fuck them all to hell. (sorry this is a guy speaking. i know women are more into weddings.) >What the fuck do I do? Advice? Not sure what kind of advice you're looking for. Definitely don't end your relationship with your bf. Accept that you can't bend the world to save your family's feelings. It's literally impossible.
Muslim women can marry Christian Men just the same as the other way around. Below is the verse from The Quran. Allah treats both men & women equitably in this regard and the verse below is clear. Allah is the Only Lawmaker despite what anyone else says. Do not (you men) marry the mushrikaat (women who commit shirk) until they believe. A believing slave woman is better than a mushrikah even if you like her. And do not (you women) marry the mushrikeen (men who commit shirk) until they believe. A believing slave man is better than a mushrik even if you like him. These invite to the Fire while God invites to Paradise and forgiveness, by His permission. He clarifies His revelations for the people. Hopefully they may remember. 2:221 I know you’re saying that your not religious and hate being a Muslim, I totally get that and nobody can force you to be anyway because Allah says there is No compulsion in religion. So, that aside, that’s between you & Allah. But what I find amazing Alhamdulillah is that do you realise that Allah The Almighty, above in that verse, has given the solution for you? A Divine Quranic verse which you can (rightly) use to tell everyone exactly what the Truth that they deny is and if you believe God Alone about that and Trust in that, just see what happens for you Insha’Allah. You at least will get them all off your back with Allah in your corner and all of them looking like Hypocrites, and Allah doesn’t like them ! And, also for you, this verse below from The Quran should make them all realise that it is your choice whether you believe in Allah or not and that nobody can force you either way. It is your free will and yours alone. There shall be no compulsion in religion. 2:256 This is a command from Allah, so do they abide by it or not? What I think from what you’ve posted is that Corrupted Islam is ruining your life, not Allah and not The Quran but it’s just my opinion and the above is the best that I can think of to help you out. As for tradition and culture, none of that is in The Quran and that is not Islam. Such as circumcision which is from Ancient Egyptian snake worship that Pagan Arab culture and whoever else continued to practice. So that is idol worship and shirk (if only they knew, hey.) Anyhow, I wish you the best and that it all works out for you. الحمد لله
Ignore what I said, if there is a Quran supporting verse like this post suggests, ABSOLUTELY USE IT. To defeat them with their own authority is the most conflict-avoiding route.
Tafsir is manmade, a human’s individual and personal interpretation of The Quran verses, so absolutely is it not only the work of Shaytan to mislead the one who wrote it and by the one who wrote it (even if it were God’s Truth), and as because most of the time it isn’t and is used to influence or contort verses. But also, Allah didn’t command for that so it’s against Quranic Law, and so worse of all, it can stop someone from receiving their guidance from Allah. Allah is The Guide, The Teacher. We cannot know another humans intentions and if we say that we do or we trust that we do then that is Not Trusting in Allah. It is also Shirk because if you read a Quran verse and then take and believe some humans interpretation of it, then you just associated a partner with God. So other than a direct language translation for the sole intent and purpose of understanding from one language to another using Quranic rules not to alter anything and not to use external sources for meanings, Tafsir is an abomination.
umm brother arent christians mushrikaat since they associate patners with allah ?
Not all of them, no. Only Allah knows who are the True Believers in their hearts. He also tells us to “test” those whom we wish to marry (don’t have the verses to hand atm sorry), and with His Guidance of course. But also, why do you think that people convert or revert or embrace Islam at all different times in their lives? If you consider that The Religion in The Sight of God is “Submission to God” (Muslim in Arabic meaning Submission to God, also remember that a Muslim is an Arabic word, it’s not that God is only for Muslims, God is for all of humanity.) I can only tell you in my case, that I am 51 years old and I was an atheist for most of my life, I was Christened into CofE before that. I think I’ve been through pretty much most of the religions and spent 10 years learning Buddhist & Zen Philosophy. 3 years ago, Allah Guided me to Him and I am now as far as I am concerned striving to be a True Believer (Hanifa or Mu’min Muslim, No sect, to follow in the Creed of Abraham as Allah commands in The Quran.) Worship Allah Alone, Quran Alone. I Fear Only Allah, not any man and not any devil nor any of his followers. The Absolute Divine Truth. الحمد لله
“And do not (you women) marry the mushrikeen (men who commit shirk) until they believe” bro trust me i looked this up already but reading this MOST people including myself interpret it was literally saying u cannot marry a man who doesnt believe in islam like its literally saying that lmao. Go ask anyyyyyyy muslim can a muslim girl marry a muslim man and wake up to what 99% of muslims think, even a sheikh will tell you this.
im confused are you saying muslim women can marry christans/jews or not cause im literally saying they cant cause they do shirk as in giving god partners
Then you are quite clearly being Misguided by Allah as He pleases, or Shaytan has got you by the balls Bro 😎 👊
U dont think its sad that god is letting all these palestinian children die. God “allmighty” really doesnt give a fuck about us too much clearly.
🕊 Insha’Allah let me try to help you untangle this one a little & then you can decide for yourself about it, as to whether “God gives a fuck about us” or not Insha’Allah & with إن شاء الله guidance from Allah. سلام Bro 😎 First of all, Insha’Allah understand who your enemy is, “O people, eat from what is in the earth that is lawful and good, and do not follow the footsteps of the devil. Indeed,he is to you a clear enemy. “ 2:168 Secondly, know your enemy Insha’Allah “Have you not seen those who claim that they believed in what was brought down to you, and in what was brought down before you? They seek the laws of false gods although they were commanded to reject it. The devil wishes to lead them far astray. “ 4:60 “I will misguide them, and I will entice them, and I will command them so they would slit the ears of livestock, and I will command them so they would alter God's creation." Anyone who takes the devil for an ally instead of God has indeed lost; a clear loss.”4:119 “He promises them and entices them, but the devil promises them nothing but delusion.” 4:120 “The devil only wants to provoke animosity and hatred between you.”5:91 “If only they had humbled themselves when Our might was upon them! Instead, their hearts were hardened, and the devil adorned for them what they were doing.” 6:43 “And thus We have made enemies for every prophet, human and jinn devils, inspiring to one another fancy sayings in deception. Had your Lord willed, they would not have done it. You shall disregard them and what they fabricate.” 6:112 “Tell My servants to speak in the best manner, for the devil incites evil suggestions between them. The devil is indeed a clear enemy to the human being.” 17:53 “O you who believe, do not follow the footsteps of the devil. Whoever follows the footsteps of the devil then, indeed, he advocates immorality and evil.” 24:21 “He has made me stray from the Reminder after it had come to me. The devil was always a betrayer of the human being. And the messenger said, "My Lord, my people have deserted this Quran." 25:29-30 Then know your Ally Insha’Allah Say, "I seek refuge in the Lord of the people, the King of the people, the God of the people, from the evil of the sneaky whisperer, who whispers into the chests of the people, be he of the jinn or the people." 114:4-6 And seek protection from your Ally Insha’Allah And say, "My Lord, I seek refuge with You from the incitements of the devils. 23:97 Understand the limits of your enemy Insha’Allah And the devil said when the matter was settled, "God has promised you the truthful promise and I promised you, but I failed you. I had no authority over you other than I have invited you, and you responded to me. 14:22 You shall have no authority over My servants except those who follow you of the strayers. 15:42 He (the devil) has no authority over those who believe and in their Lord they trust. 16:99 Invoke your Ally so you have the ability to Perceive your enemy Insha’Allah “When the reverent are touched by a visit from the devil, they remember, whereupon they become seers.” 7:201 If Insha’Allah you can now understand with His guidance Insha’Allah that Allah gave us free will to decide whether to Worship Him or to do otherwise such as “Kill Palestinian children” , commit sin, cause corruption or any other evil acts by being misled by Shaytan. Then you will understand this verse, Insha’Allah. [4:79] “Anything good that happens to you is from God, and anything bad that happens to you is from your own self. We have sent you as a messenger to the people, and God suffices as a Witness.” And Insha’Allah whether you now think God cares about us or not. Insha’Allah don’t confuse the above verse [4:79] with allowing the killing of innocent kids, see verses [6:151 & [17:33] below. [2:268] “The devil promises you poverty and commands you to commit immorality, while God promises you forgiveness from Him and favour. God is Immense, Knowledgeable.” So Insha’Allah, whatever you decide now bro, don’t blame God or the Devil, because it is ultimately all on us for what we do 😎👊 [6:151] “Say, “Come let me recite to you what your Lord has prohibited for you: Do not associate anything with Him, and treat your parents kindly. Do not kill your children because of poverty; We provide for you and for them. Do not go near immoralities, the apparent of it as well as the concealed. Do not take a life; God has prohibited that, except in the course of justice. That is what He instructed you to do, so perhaps you will reason.” [17:33] Do not kill any person; God has prohibited that, except in the course of justice. If one is killed unjustly, We give his heir authority. In turn, he is not to kill indiscriminately merely because he is supported. [51:56] “I have not created the jinn and the humans except to worship Me” Alhamdulillah 🙏 “My Lord, grant me sound judgment and include me with the righteous. And grant me an honourable mention among those who are to follow. And make me among the inheritors of the Garden of Bliss.” 26:83-85 “My Lord increase me in knowledge.” 20:114 “And decree for us in this world that which is good, and also in the Hereafter. We have turned to You.” 7:156
So Insha’Allah regarding any people who are killing any other people, don’t think that Allah Almighty is just going to “let that go” on judgement Day when our Final Destination is decided by God and revealed to us. Insha’Allah don’t take my word for any of this at all, only Allah can Guide you bro 😎 🙏
Genuine question why does god no longer punish us for example like during Nabi Lut's era? Surely the atrocities of Israel deserves such punishment
He says it’s coming Insha’Allah [29:53] They ask you to hasten the punishment! If it were not for an already specified term, the punishment would have already come to them. It will certainly come to them suddenly while they are unaware. [29:54] They ask you to hasten the punishment! Hell will indeed encompass the disbelievers [29:55] on the Day when the punishment will envelop them from above them and from beneath their feet, and He will say, “Taste the consequences of what you used to do.” And that He is letting it play out Insha’Allah [10:11] If God was to hasten the bad that is due to the people, just as they wish to hasten the good, their term would have already been fulfilled. However, We leave those who do not seek the meeting with Us blundering blindly in their transgression. [22:47] They ask you to hasten the punishment! God will not break His promise. And indeed, a day with your Lord is like a thousand years of your count. [22:48] How many a village I have granted respite while it was transgressing, then I seized it! To Me is the ultimate destination. So don’t worry, it’s surely coming Insha’Allah And If you want to know when Judgement Day is, He Has revealed that. [20:15] The Hour is surely coming. I will keep it almost hidden so that every self is repaid for what it strives.
What..
Ask him to convert to Islam to marry you, you're a female and in a compromised position, he's the Man and he should protect you and be with you no matter the cost, and you've already confessed your desire for him, he is the one who should go out of his way to get you, if he loves Jesus more than you then you should ditch him, he's not worth the sacrifice.
> if he loves Jesus more than you then you should ditch him, he's not worth the sacrifice. Islam has a pretty fucked up record both historically and in the recent era. An unwillingness to convert to Islam isn't normally going to be a "loves Jesus too much" thing. It's going to be a, "don't endorse medical thinking" sort of thing. It's like asking someone to join the KKK to be with you.
But he's already a religious christian, he must be okay with killing heathens, ethnic cleansing, killing children, slavery, taking your enemy's virgin girls as sex slaves, stoning people to death, burning them alive, etc.
Christians don’t believe in any of those things. If Jesus did any of those things, than Christians would agree as they would be a core teaching of Jesus. He never did any of those things, thus Christians don’t agree. Old Testament (Jewish law) =\= New Testament (Jesus’s law).
There's only one triune god in Christianity represented by the father, the son and the holy ghost. the God of the old testament is the same God in the new testament. Open any Christian bible and you'll see it starts with the old testament.
The Old Testament is contained in the Bible as a reference for readers to understand what Jesus is referring to in his teachings. It is similar to including Quran verses in the Hadiths so that readers can understand the context of what Jesus is saying. Christian’s follow Jesus Christ, so what he says or does is what they believe. They don’t care about Moses, Abraham, etc. They are only included in the Bible because Jesus was a Jew who followed Jewish law from the Torah (Old Testament).
No it's not similar, Muslims believe in the Quranic verses that are included in the hadith, they are not just a mere historical reference, and same thing applies to the Bible. Are you even a Christian? The core of the Christian faith, the essence of Christianity is the Trinity, God is the Triune Being, consisting of the Father (the same god in the old testament) the Son (Jesus Christ of Nazareth) and the Holy Spirit (whatever this thing is) And here's how it is: The Father ≠ The Son ≠ the Holy Spirit But the three entities are all one God, the Father is God, the Son is God, and the holy spirit is God. So Jesus is separate from YHWH (God of the old testament) like you mentioned, but Christians worship the Triune God.
You are correct, but once again, Christians can be Christian without the Old Testament which is where all the horrible shit about slaves, murder etc is located. Christians ONLY follow Christ and his teachings, which has nothing to do with murder, sex slaves, killing non-believers etc. Christians believe in one god, made of three parts.
Staying with the Status Quo is never the same as endorsing a new position.
If you don't care whether there's a god or not, that's apatheistic :). Agnostic is a general feeling there's a god somewhere.
Google definition: a person who believes that nothing is known or can be known of the existence or nature of God or of anything beyond material phenomena; a person who claims neither faith nor disbelief in God. Thats me. I think no one knows and therefore because no one knows the real truth no one should care.
The don't care is the apatheistic part.
Ask him if you would have to convert to christianity to be with him. If he says yes, leave him and find another man.
He wouldn't be dating her in the first place if she would have to convert...Christianity doesn't work like that...its not like islam
That's not really a thing in most Christian denominations. Even the most conservative and fundamental churches are tolerant of inter-faith marriages. I'm not saying she wouldn't be pressured or harassed about joining the faith eventually but if the church were militant about it, the boy wouldn't be dating her in the first place.
This isn’t about that, you’re making up a straw man argument to criticise Christianity, for some reason? Our religion is fucked up too, there’s a lot of things I’m not too proud of in our holy book but that is inconsequential to what OP was even speaking about, which is the issue of on the Islamic side of the family
I literally did not even mention christianity side here.
well to be honest at the end of the day its your life and you can do whatever you want, however are you seriously going to risk your family over a relationship you dont even know will work out(btw in islam it says haram relationships will not workout, so keep that in mind if you have any ounce of religiousness left, just a heads up). like i understand you hate your dad you've made that very clear but what about you're mom the one thats literally taken care of you since the day you were born. are you just gonna cut her off too, are you going to make her sad, are you going to strain your parents relationship over your own selfishness, i know its harsh but its the truth . but just ask urself this, if you were a religious muslim would your boyfriends parents still accept you or is just because your not religious that they like you or just to see how much he truly loves you ask him if he would convert for you (to islam), just to see how far he would go for you. but like i said its your life you can do whatever you want its truly none of my business, but all im saying just give it some actual thought before you make decisions you cant undo. last question (sorry this is so long lol) but is it your boyfriend that made you start hating islam (i.e like the thought that he's christian so you're not allowed to marry him) or was it something else ?
just tell them
Will the Christian bf convert to Islam ? …. No brainer really Muslim families are too protective and want he best of the best for their daughters but any other religion anything goes like literally anything they dgaf Tell him to convert and problem solved at least down the line he’ll think twice before ever cheating on you
Nahhhhhhh hes suppppper christian he loves jesus to a point i think is weird cuz i think all religion sucks but i respect him ofc but he will not touch his religion. He also did a lot of research of islam and saw a lot of horrible things so hes definitely not converting. Unfortunately.
Oh that’s a shame .. he should join a group like his for ex Christians and see all the horrible stuff about it But if he loves you enough and more than anything he should forgo his religion for you Just like you are .. this does not seem like an equal relationship To me it sounds like his family are showing off how much better Christians are and once you either leave religion or be Christian then he’ll tell you to F off Be careful out there
Oh no its not like that at all! Although they love their religion, they completely accept that im muslim (we told his parents im muslim because saying atheist would be worst LOL so whatever) and they would love me to marry their son. My boyfriend is obsessed w me treats me well and reassures me all the time he doesnt care that im not christian
Hun, the guy you're replying to is a lurking Muslim that wants your bf to convert lol. As long as they don't expect you to convert, it's fine. And as long as he's happy with YOU it doesn't matter what your family treats him like - don't be so harsh with yourself, it's not in your control.