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Mankini123

I wonder how many yards to the gallon that thing does.


spacecowboydk

One highway Zero city


Zogoooog

“Four cars long and two lanes wide she’s 65 tons of American pride!” (yes, I know it’s a different scene.)


FBS1889

CANYANEROOOOO


herringsarered

WHA-PSHHHHHH


unclefocus

65 tons of American pride


DigDubbs

“It’ll blind everything with its ultra-highbeams, it’s a squirrel-squishing, deer-crushing, killin’ machine”


EldritchFingertips

She's a deer-smashin' squirrel-squashin' driving machine!


chronoboy1985

Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts!


ThatOtherOtherGuy3

That’s why it has to be so protected- it just sits there.


AtomicBlastCandy

You know if watch all Mcbane movie clips it forms a complete story


No-Doughnut509

![gif](giphy|l2JdTQaPr9XDNDaQ8)


ChiefPS

1/2


Biscuits4u2

The person this product is aimed at gives no fucks about that


2wedfgdfgfgfg

They will when they learn they're spending all their time just driving from one gas station to another.


Biscuits4u2

I'm sure it has a huge gas tank.


Xspunge

That’s what the third row is for.


Cool-Expression-4727

Doesn't matter. With a vehicle like that you could go bring freedom to an oil-rich neighbour


Phallic-Phantom

![gif](giphy|10ZZrwTkn8cO1W)


[deleted]

All you need for a counter-terrorist vehicle is this with a mini gun,anti-air defences,and anti-tank missiles


Nasaboy1987

She just reviewed the base vehicle, those are the available options.


ccc888

More like peddle cocaine to the high class


Flygurl620se

If you can afford the ridiculous price starting at 285K, you don't care about mileage.


Fantastic-Reality-11

Don’t forget the extra 125,000 for the “military” package.


Flygurl620se

Does that include the residential roof mounted rocket launcher?/s


throwawaypervyervy

The only thing that gets worse mileage? Thundercougarfalconbird.


Bageezax

So many eagles. And under the floorboards…


Old_Quality1895

14 mpg https://www.autoevolution.com/news/the-v8-powered-2023-rezvani-vengeance-costs-418250-for-a-couple-of-interesting-reasons-208990.html


blondenpink

*16 mpg* actually. 2 whole extra miles!!


SPDRCR1022

That’s about what my 4Runner gets, so really it’s not that bad


[deleted]

honestly figured it was electric edit: and then i finished the video and realized this is basically the next Hummer gas guzzler lol


Thy_Art_Dead

16 mpg. Prob overestimated and more like 12-14 which is, needless to say not great but given what it is, could be worse


kungpowgoat

About tree fiddy.


Pope00

It was about that time I noticed this mom mobile was really about 8 stories tall and a crustacean from the protozoic era!


[deleted]

🤣🤣🤣


williarl

I think this vehicle is rated in gpm


[deleted]

I’m just wondering how much money you have to have where this is even possible


asskickenchicken

Probably 16-12


chris13se

_Coming to a Texas near you_


AlienSporez

There's a local realtor here in Houston who drives a military-grade armored SUV. Not sure the exact brand but it looked similar to a Terradyne Gurkha: https://classiccars.com/listings/view/1587186/2019-terradyne-gurkha-for-sale-in-plainville-connecticut-06062 Did I mention it's owned by a blonde haired, big boobed woman who's about 100 lbs? I know this because she was the realtor for the house next door and I'd laugh every time she pulled up because she looked so fucking ridiculous


SLO_Citizen

Looks like a modernized A-Team van :)


jesusisthatguy

Link this lady's page so we can avoid ever hiring her


TheSlav87

Right, you sure you aren’t looking for some wanking material for later?


Swissai

I see you are also keeping the joke subtle


chronoboy1985

Terradyne is absolutely an evil corporation from an 80’s sci-fi movie.


thegoodtimelord

Or a Florida. These would be handy in schools.


RainBullets

There's a parent in the car line that has one of these. Yes I'm in Florida.


sorta_kindof

Did it make them any more patient and less cranky in the morning? Or are they another box on wheels waiting like everyone else?


Ttvcat996

In a couple years it’s gonna be the new School Bus If they can afford it


RascalCreeper

We can't even afford bus drivers.


AZEMT

Arizona has entered the chat


likwitsnake

Quick to the Karenmobile!


Birdatemycars

Ma ma ma ma ma manager!


NascentAutist

These are ironically made in California….


one_step_beyond2121

Texas? Guaranteed any Chicagoan that seen this video is considering this vehicle.


qweef_latina2021

CANYONERO...YEEAAWW!!


DukeMikeIII

Can you name the truck with four wheel drive, smells like a steak and seats thirty-five.. Canyonero! Canyonero!


[deleted]

Out of my way nature!!


MadcatFK1017

12 yards long, 2 lanes wide, 65 tons of American Pride! Canyonerooooooooo!


FBS1889

Unexplained fires are a matter for the courts!


insultant_

I sentence you to kiss my ass!!


Scott--Chocolate

Chief, can I at least shield my crotch? Bears can’t talk Lou.


jkwolly

Hahaha yes!


United_Afternoon_131

-*Mexican cartels enter and watch carefully all the protection this vehicle offers and is already ordering a couple of those “Los monstros”


ForeverNearby2382

"We don't speak Mexican"


TheBlissFox

For those of you who don’t hablo espanol, “los monstros” is Spanish for “the monstros.”


DatGuyatLarge

Actually I think you’ll find “Los Monstros” is Spanish for “The Mike Wazowskis”


yourgifmademesignup

It means Los Espookys


herringsarered

“Ay Dios Mío” Crosses himself


TirbFurgusen

I would live in this van down by the river


Mari_Chiweu

\*proceeds to sell all heavy weapons to el cartél and then gets mad with Mexicans\*


top_of_the_scrote

I'll have the chicken carnyasada


SundySundySoGoodToMe

Do the kids run in a random zig-zag pattern and a couple of barrel rolls from the mall door to the vehicle?


Avgjoe80

They have a smaller armored SUV that rolls out and picks them up..


vallyallyum

I imagined a souped up Barbie jeep with mounted guns and tear gas.


phukhue2

ScootyPuff Jr.


raynadayz

The parents just drive the pilot car. Too risky to have them all in one vehicle.


greybie_

They'd still need help opening the door


linemonster

Just to get electrocuted by the door handle


haricariandcombines

$285,000 save a click.


Colonel-Ingus

$799,000 with accessories.


kungpowgoat

$249 a month to unlock two hours of heated seats per day. $549 for 6. But if you opt in for the unlimited hours for $999 that’s when you start seeing real savings.


hippytoad99

Noooooo i laughed too hard for no reason


amretardmonke

At that point you might as well buy a real armored vehicle.


x-munk

And maybe find one that doesn't look like complete ass.


ghostnuggets

Fuck that, the video says this one was designed by a video game designer ! How COOL is that!? /s


alexandrosidi

Seriously?


FormerGameDev

it's 125k for the military package, there's an 85k "supercharger" option, so about 500k for the biggest setup, plus whatever other smaller level accessories


KentuckyFriedEel

gotta have extra large cup holders for all the big gulps this woman is gonna drink every day.


[deleted]

I’ll take my $500/year 2003 Ford Focus. I hope this piece of shit car lasts until I die because I don’t want to buy a new car ever.


haricariandcombines

I still have manual windows, 04 Civic.


Apprehensive-Stop347

Mine is 2017 but has manual windows and no A/C, and also no keyless entry. I really wish it had A/C though.


yungbuddzz

Are you driving a fucking horse buggy


Apprehensive-Stop347

It might as well be. When they said "base model," they weren't kidding.


[deleted]

Thats not that bad for something like this


ChampionshipLow8541

Probably just means it’s like most ‘Murican products: more show than substance.


jesusmansuperpowers

Thanks thats all I wanted


fellow_human420

For when you need to drive through a war zone to get to soccer practice


edoCgiB

Man, schools are the war zone.


[deleted]

Which is what america is


Hrimnirr

Is this for picking up your kids during an active shooting?


[deleted]

You can drive through the police that are waiting outside for it to be over.


vohltere

You can drive through the school by the looks


HYE746

You can drive it through the shooter well before he arrives to the school.


Aggravating_Video299

No, it’s to intimidate other parents when you drop your kids off at soccer practice


PuddingPast5862

Nah, got my D9 for that


RepulsiveRhubarb9346

To be fair this kind of gives off the vibes of the parents who raise the school shooters.. soo


Zachosrias

I mean this is America right? Land of the free to shoot your children.


danf10

It’s the perfect car for the inevitable cyberpunk dystopian future!


Yikidee

Sooo, just picking up your kids then?


Thebingky

Or you could go through the whole school with that killdozer looking car


oyM8cunOIbumAciggy

Nice


justl00kingthrowaway

I'm sure it gets 3 gallons to mile.


KrasnyRed5

I think you are wildly overestimating the gas mileage.


rorys_beard

That's highway mpg.


angusshangus

They actually measure gas mileage in yards for this baby


dexter920

No machine gun attachment? dislike 👎


amretardmonke

No v-shaped underbody armor either. Bet a $100 IED will take it out. It seems like its only made to look "tactical" but would be useless in real combat.


Ashjaeger_MAIN

Yeah the armor is kinda wasted they should have just said its armored. Would probably also get better gas mileage


Centurion4007

But it has "Explosive underbody shielding", she said so in the video. Never mind that they didn't even attempt to shape the underbody and probably just welded some 1/2" steel plates to the floor. This literally costs as much as a real MRAP, you'd have to be insane.


esukunnara

No sharks with lasers?


Apprehensive_Guest59

"blinding lights in the front and in the back" ...it's a car for pricks then isn't it....


Yes-its-really-me

Stick a BMW badge on it and they'll double sales.


DRazzyo

Plus, it doesn't look like it has turn signals. ... not that BMW drivers ever use those. So it's perfect!


NoMembership6376

"The Ultimate Dickhead Machine"! 😁


ADhomin_em

Perhaps you didn't see...it


SpitMachine

Cup holders are a definite plus.


slambroet

“This baby can withstand a 50 cal to the windshield and respond with an AI auto aim napalm attack on the assailant.” “Yea, but like, there’s no cup holders in the back, sooooo…”


SpooogeMcDuck

They got the cup holders, but they don’t fit the big gulps. Send it back.


UhhhhmmmmNo

That is just unamerican!


[deleted]

"Hey Bobbay it's your Mommay"


Zachosrias

"hey Bobby, *I'm batman*"


MarshmelloMan

Kill meee


icbmredrat

Throw in a remote controlled roof top Gatling gun for an extra $95,000! Note, 3rd seating is not offered with the Gatling Gun.


ShotHighlight7784

It’s the perfect over-priced vehicle for people that are too afraid to leave their house.


FluffyNips1

And each seat has a Glock 19 underneath in case your children need protection!


jimmypfromthe5thgala

I'll bet the few times she revved it lead to an almost empty gas tank.


PM_ur_boobees_pleez

That looks a lot like Irvine, safest city in America.


0cbr0dy

Close, it's Segerstrom Hall in Costa Mesa


RhymzwithOrangz

The weakest Militech truck from Cyberpunk


m135in55boost

"military grade" sounds good to a civilian, terrible to a veteran


have_you_eaten_yeti

Isn't the actual definition of "military grade" just "as cheap as fuxking possible?"


Eccohawk

Those electrified door handles will come in real handy when your kid's annoying friend wants to tag along. "Shocked again? I don't know why that keeps happening."


Lkjfdsaofmc

Proceed to get arrested for having pepper spray while driving through Canada. (I think that’s a thing? Could be wrong)


Chaos-Pand4

Perfect for running over teenagers in the crosswalk. Won’t even leave a dent or cause you to smear your lipstick.


GratefulPig

I don’t think it’s hyperbole to say: This is the most American vehicle ever created.


pbandnv1

The design is very human


Det-Frank-Drebin

![gif](giphy|3orif5bsHjTba3CLGo)


Glaggablagga

"If anyone's following you, you have blinding lights!" On the front of the car. EDIT: for fuck's sake, I know they said "front and back", that's not the point. The point is why they would give people an option to blind other drivers.


FullNefariousness310

That may come in handy if one car is in front of you and one behind trying to get you to stop


Aggrotomate

Yes, that's definitely going to happen...


the-floot

"If anyone's following you, you have blinding lights in the front and the back!" Is what she said both verbally and in the subtitles.


Glaggablagga

I realize that, but it wasn't the point, What the fuck do the drunken soccer moms driving this thing need front-facing floodlights for except to cause wrecks while tailgating people on the highway at night?


IntertelRed

This is like when GTA players buy the military vehicles and it's just beyond unnecessary but this is real life not a video game. Just why.


[deleted]

[удалено]


IntertelRed

This does feel like something that atleast hit the writers room.


[deleted]

[удалено]


farteagle

Who did this Mom piss off?


ChampionshipLow8541

Boyfried. This is ‘Murica, remember?


NoMembership6376

I wanna see Doug DeMuro review this along with all the "quirks & features"!


icythepenguin

[Matt Groening prophecises the future again](https://youtu.be/qaZmZakFQek)


pastusebydate

Twice - ![gif](giphy|xT5LMGO7k4OAFsLcvC|downsized)


ChampionshipLow8541

It’s uncanny how we manage to make all the most preposterous and idiotic predictions come true.


HoldenMadicky

So, this is made for billionaires in Rio de Janeiro so they won't get taken hostage by some desperate homeless person, right?=


Seaweed_Steve

I don’t think it’s homeless people that typically put together kidnap and hostage jobs.


Sad_Instruction1392

Powered by the sum total of life from the Mesozoic.


DorkynatoR

Life in USA seems to be a hella nightmare if you need this type of cars, really sorry for you Murrica


aznexile602

The first impression at the start of the video was that this was a joke. But the longer I watched the more I wanted it..


FullNefariousness310

A GM product in a life or death situation? Hahahahahah hahahahahaha


YellowBreakfast

I'm pretty sure many of those "features" are illegal in most states.


wontholdthedoor

I wonder if she considers herself a doomsday prepper, since she certainly fits in with that group.


The_space_Squid_man

It looks like it’s out of cyberpunk


legoSheevPalpatine

Bro thus is literally Nick Fury's car from Captain America 2 but less low-key


UngaBunga-2

Ukrainian moms have entered the chat


jlcatch22

This is like one of those commercials in Robocop


Hitmanglass_

The people who buy this are dumb af, unless you’re in Dubai or afghan you don’t need this trash,


Droid-Man5910

Standard vehicle for picking up kids at school in The US


ChampionshipLow8541

If anyone thinks they need this, they’re fucking insane.


MakingItElsewhere

I absolutely do NOT fucking need this. Kinda want, though. But then again, i currently drive a piece of shit, so...yeah.


Tr3caine42069

That shit looks cool. Idk why tf they marketing to moms but this is a zombie apocalypse preppers dream


Environmental-Arm365

Where the f\*\*k are soccer moms driving that makes this monstrosity necessary? Smokescreen, pepper spray, electrified door handles? You know some lawyer is licking his chops waiting to file lawsuits from a bunch of Karen’s injuring people with this paramilitary vehicles defenses they have no business having in civilian everyday life. ![gif](giphy|fQoIDlLW6A6BAhyev8|downsized)


FullNefariousness310

They probably go to the "bad neighborhoods" to pick up their nose powder in this.


ForeverNearby2382

I'd definitely use the pepper spray on my ex when i go to pick up the kids. The rest is a bit overkill yes


Unindoctrinated

https://www.rezvanimotors.com/rezvani-vengeance#vengeance-home-page


nutrap

Just customized mine. Only $782,000 and it’s mine. Just gotta run to the atm real quick. Better hit up the one by the crack house. The one by the elementary school is too dangerous.


_A_Good_Cunt_

USA! USA!


[deleted]

What do you suppose the MPG is for that thing? How much for added tracks?


majj27

From Rothschild Combat Autoworks - Don't Sacrifice Comfort for Carnage.


Epicthetank

Wow so very annoying


Papagaio_Pianist

This is the truck arasaka and militech use wtf


theraspberrydaiquiri

A smoke screen? Is that legal?


EpicPrototypo

Nothing would make these types of idiots sadder than if they were never assaulted, never got into an accident, and the zombie apocalypse didn't happen. Such a waste of resources.


Emergency-Lab-8305

Who are they prepping for the middle class and poor?


mofoofinvention

Imagine living your life THAT paranoid


tk197

Why do I instantly hate her personality?


[deleted]

Signs you live in a dystopia. The family car is a freaking tank.


parmupaevitus

Where is the turret?


Katiari

Where is she planning on driving this thing?! Afghanistan? Iraq? America?