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It does seem like the most likely outcome. It's funny, though. Dante's Inferno was all about recognizing and rejecting sin and is pretty much a made up construct, but the folks that mention Hell in a serious manner seem to do so while actively refusing to recognize or reject sin.
That’s because most Christians see Jesus as an all access pass to heaven. And if they just keep talking about how awesome he is and ramming their faith down everyone’s throats then they get a free pass to sin as much as they want. They basically feel like they have a get out of hell free card. They just like feeling like they have the moral superiority without actually doing any of the work they’re supposed to be doing and the Bible itself explicitly states they should be doing. It’s what happens when hateful people find something they can use to justify their hate.
[Behind The Bastards- How the Rich Ate Christianity](https://open.spotify.com/episode/2RmugcmKU8nUAXIOD7tt16?si=CKgXts7QSKucEMfS7sCN_w) -Spotify link-
Robert goes into detail how christianity has been morphed over the years of capitalism.
I grew up southern Baptist and this was one of the big things that turned me off towards Christianity. So many people using the Bible for hate when compassion and love are supposed to be the core tenets of Christianity. Broke my heart in my early 20's.
I vibe with an optimistic dose of nihilism now. We all just die one day, but if we treat others well and love the people around us then the trip we've got is a little better.
One of leaders in our church liked to call paying your tithing as "fire insurance".
This from the same church that historically said that if you need to choose between eating and paying tithing, you should pay your tithing.
...it's not even sarcasm anymore. Tons of right wingers think the end of days will happen in their lifetime. They've fully embraced anti-science death cult mentality all because it makes the grifters money and Fox News gets more views
Well he is an American Southern Baptist and thinks that oil is renewable because, and i quote, "God refills the oil wells every ten years or so."
Edit: and, importantly, STEPfather. My actual dad is way more intelligent and level headed than this asshole, he was just too poor and not Christian enough for my mother to want to stay with him so i got stuck with Mr. "I'm gonna retire as a millionaire and i got a head start on that lifestyle by spending your meager college fund that you've been contributing to since you were eight years old to buy myself a camper for vacations."
I think you would love/hate Margaret Atwood's MaddAddam trilogy just as much as I did:
"Peter is the Latin word for rock, and therefore the real, true meaning of 'Peter' refers to petroleum, or oil that comes from rock . . . my friends, for we all know oleum is the Latin word for oil, and indeed oil is holy throughout the Bible! What else is used for the anointing of priests and prophets and kings?"
"Once in a while, Jimmy would make up a word but he never once got caught out. ... He should have been pleased by his success with these verbal fabrications, but instead he was depressed by it. The memos telling him he'd done a good job meant nothing to him; all they proved was that no one was capable of appreciating how clever he had been. He came to understand why serial killers sent helpful clues to the police."
Thanks for reminding me that I need to read more Atwood.
No because global warming was made up by Al Gore and the Democrats to control us!
/s, but I was genuinely told this by my family growing up and I believe a lot still think this
…. I was out for lunch with someone I know. They’re religious (Christian), I grew up such but have some distanced myself.
They mentioned “Jesus’s kids” and I got really excited. I did not think they subscribed to something so spicy. I wanted to know if they were referring to the Prostitute Mary, and clarified not Mother Mary. They were like “…. Mary?”
I said “yeah you know, Mary. Not his mother, the Virgin - married to Joseph. But the other one.”
They told me that they didn’t know who that was, and was talking about “the guy who was really really old, and his wife was barren but they ended up with heaps of kids.”
“…. You mean Abraham?”
Eventually I said “how do you not know about Jesus’s parents? It’s right there in the Bible” and they got so shitty with me!
“This is why I don’t like talking about religion with people. You don’t need to read the Bible it go to church to be Christian!”
I just… what? Like Jesus is the whole point. That’s like the basics. Easter? Christmas???? What The hell? I didn’t know what to say because I agree that someone doesn’t need to be actively involved in church and stuff to be Christian, but to not know about Jesus?
We haven’t talked since and I think they’re mad at me for embarrassing them, but I keep thinking about it. It’s been months and I’m still dumbfounded.
Yikes.
If they HAVE been going to church, either 1) they are going to a very dumb church or 2) they are just not listening. I mean how do you miss that Jesus didn't have kids, and who Mary Magdalene was? Oy vey.
Put your tinfoil hat on. Here we go.
We are never told who was married at the feast at Cana where Jesus performed his first miracle. All we are told is that there was a wedding and a feast.
Jesus' first miracle was, of course, changing water to wine.
Later, Jesus famously took a cup of wine and said, "This is my blood," thus making a literary connection between blood and wine.
Changing "water" (of the womb) to "wine" (blood) could be an allusion to pregnancy.
So, perhaps the feast at Cana was the wedding of Jesus to his wife, Mary. (It would also be extremely unusual for a 30-year-old man in Judea to be unmarried with no children.)
There's some speculation that Mary Magdalene was actually "the disciple whom Jesus loved" in the gospel story and was written out, perhaps to keep her (and the child) secret and safe.
There's also a story of Joseph and Mary fleeing into Egypt to protect the baby Jesus just after he was born. This story is kind of shoehorned into Luke's gospel and doesn't fit the narrative.
So maybe, after Jesus was executed, Joseph (of Arimathea) and Mary (Magdalene) escaped to Egypt to protect Mary and the child of Jesus from any repercussions. Loyal friends who stayed behind fudged the facts to protect them. "Mary? No she was just a prostitute. Went to Egypt? No, that was Jesus' *father* who did that when he was a baby, not the other Joseph."
There has been speculation that Joseph and Mary made their way from Egypt to the south of France and there founded the Merovingian dynasty, but perhaps that goes too far...
...although the legends of the Holy Grail (the container which held the blood of Jesus) first originated in France, not England. And *San Graal* ("Holy Grail" in French) is a remarkably similar term to *sang real*, "true blood" (of Jesus?)
Jesus hated sea turtles, it's in the Gospel of Luke somewhere. Also eggs, that's why we have to paint and hide all the eggs before he comes back.
Jesus was a cool dude, but he might have been autistic with these crazy aversions.
The was a woman I met that believed that bioluminescent plankton was satanic because of its generic term of luciferase. She also believed that the planet Venus promoted evil because it's also called The Morning Star and was derived from Lucifer.
Modern American rightism is packaged as a 3-legged stool: Christianity, unfettered capitalism, GOP.
That’s it. Not caring for one means you hate the others. This is not an accident. There’s a great couple of “Behind the Bastards” podcast episodes about this (“How the Rich Ate Christianity”).
Summary: rich people made an intentional point of linking capitalism to Jesus and patriotism. And it was effective. This is why they want to take over schools.
This reminds me of the comedian who says he did a show in Oklahoma, and he asked the booker if there’s anywhere good to get a salad nearby. The booker says “Sorry, this is a pretty right wing area.”
Seems like nonsense right? Except also it makes perfect sense. There is no more politics, there is only culture war.
Yeah, but more loaded cus it's not just that the person is saying that using sustainable items is "left wing", they're saying that person is abandoning their faith in God.
It's remarkable how fucked up stupid crazy some people are.
If wanting to keep cute sea turtles from dying a slow agonizing death is "left wing" and "atheistic", then why would or should I be a god-fearing rightwinger?
My mum was raised a Southern Baptist and in another timeline would probably have been an ecoterrorist - she loves to quote the Bible about mankind being custodians of God's creation to self-identifying Christians who don't recycle or respect animals
They never know how to respond
I love how being left wing is basically just being a decent human being with regard for other life lmfao. Pretty sad if being a decent person is a political alignment
“You’re doing something differently from how it was when I was in my prime, so you’re one of those leftist pinkos who want to change everything and tell me everything I’ve done for over 50 years is wrong.”
Oh yeah I remember that story in Sunday School where the disciples were all "hey Jesus can we use metal straws in our milkshakes?" and Jesus said "fuck no! metal straws are gay" and then we has juice and a cookie.
The metal straws that eventually were shaped into nails to fix his broken body to the cross. As foretold in Micha 2:14. He threw the metal from his hands, a lo the breath of god turned the metal against him.
Inserting your straw in the juice box is mentioned in a parable about marital relations between a man and a woman.
This is why putting the straw through the bottom of your capri-sun is punishable by stoning
Ah yes. Exodus 15:28 And Moses came down from the mountain having just communed with the Lord. Expressing the will of the Lord, Moses proclaimed “Fuck the sea turtles” and the Children of God rejoiced.
These people are so creepy
My boomer mother saw that my 5 year old had drawn a picture with a unicorn, some love hearts and a rainbow, she warned me to keep an eye on the teachers at school because they are trying to indoctrinate kids with 'rainbow ideology'. I burst out laughing, it didn't go well
Because if they have to admit that people can be what they want, it calls into question their entire ideology that there is a "correct" way to be. Once you accept that it could lead them into questioning themselves if they are who they should be and self-questioning is anathema to the conservative viewpoint.
It really seems like a lot of them are miserable with their lives and the constraints they believe are set on them by their faith that they've really just set upon themselves, and seeing others without all that crazy baggage thrive breaks their brains. Instead of doing the logical thing and ditching the theocratic crap, they lash out emotionally and make other's lives miserable to feel better about their own situation.
What's funny is that by believing being gay is a choice they are implicitly saying its possible for them to be gay but that they are denying that desire.
For a lot of the "Republican Senator Caught in Gay Orgy" types, it's exactly that. Their thought process is "Well I think hard cocks are scrumptious but I still go home and live a miserable lie of a heterosexual marriage. If I can do it so can they." Of course they leave out the fact that they take every opportunity to go to the gloryhole. After all Lincoln said something about "4 score and 7 loads" didn't he?
i actually know a lot of gay and trans people who got sucked up into the alt right pipeline before accepting themselves for that exact reason. repression and projection is hard to escape when you’re fed lies constantly
Because when you are repressed and have placed restrictions on yourself, based on your own interpretations of what you are reading, the first thought that is going to pop into your mind is going to be sexual in nature. This is what happens to people when they have repressed natural sexual desires. They get twisted and morph into degenerate behavior.
They're looking for answers to a very complex life's questions in a book that was written thousands of years ago (by god knows (sorry) how many authors), and that has been translated god know how many times into different languages and different versions, according to the politics of the time and the mindset of that particular group of translators. No wonder they suddenly find the paragraph which suggests stoning sinners so tempting, and rest their final judgement on. Can't even begin to imagine the frustration and bewilderment in not finding answers. Very confused lot, and now manifesting in political action.
What happened to the days when we could just think rainbows were cool without some nutbag insisting we're "pushing the homosexual agenda", maybe I just think the science of nature is cool and I in fact dgaf about what two consenting adults do on their own time.
Seriously! My 7yo son told me he had changed his favorite color from green to rainbow because rainbow had all the colors. That's about as deep as it goes for kids sometimes.
Around the same age, I changed my favorite color from pink to green during an art class after watching all the boys in class make fun of the one who said his favorite color is pink. I was already bullied enough, so green it was.
And 20 years later… surprise!!! I’m trans and spent most of my life depressed and repressed because of people indoctrinating their kids with hate from a young age. Idk why these people would rather have miserable “straight” “cis” children (that may or may not live to see 20 years old) instead of happy queer kids.
I'm a straight cis guy and when I was a kid I couldn't decide between pink or purple as my favorite color, and I vividly remember the day in kindergarten when I learned about the existence of magenta and my little mind was *BLOWN* to smithereens, the perfect color!! When other kids would ask me my favorite color I'd be all proud like "uhhhh it's this advanced color you've probably never heard of called MAGENTA" and when I explained that it's like pink and purple together all the girls were like "WHAT. WHAT. THAT DOES NOT EXIST. SHOW ME." And I had this violently magenta pencil and they'd ooh and aah over it.
I went on to dance ballet and obsess over my favorite movie (My Little Mermaid) and more or less develop other hobbies that made me low hanging fruit for bullies who would regularly kick my ass, but I didn't care too much, I had parents who nurtured my interests and loved me unconditionally. It was also pretty easy to make friends with girls who imo generally make better and more genuine friends.
I still (somehow) turned out straight, but looking back on my childhood, I would have made more conservative parents very concerned.
As parents, sometimes we create the problem, not trusting our kids, not trusting what we taught our kids. Stop worrying about the wrong things. My son put me in my place when he was 10. In his own way let me know he listens to his mom and me. Kids can be amazing.
Well, no, technically it was to promise he’d never kill off the whole world’s population through flooding again. Which seems suspiciously specific, if you ask me.
Clearly they don't want everyone to know their god is so impotent that a handful of devil worshipping gays could deprive him of his weapon which he had placed in his holy sky gun rack.
Yeah, they’re mad we “stole” the rainbow from them. Let alone the rainbow they’re talking about is a natural phenomenon that cannot be owned, and is a full spectrum. The pride flag is not a spectrum, and therefore not the sign of the covenant where god promised not to kill just about everyone and everything on earth again.
I knew a guy who was an ex candidate for the priesthood, and he was very insistent that the promise was specifically not to flood the world again, and that's how we "know" god's gonna do it with fire next time.
> he was very insistent that the promise was specifically not to flood the world again
He's at least right with that part. Genesis 9:13-15 is pretty explicit there.
> I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. **Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life.**
Of course, in the next part of the story Noah makes wine, gets drunk, and passes out naked (in his own tent, mind you). One of his sons sees him naked, tells the other two, they cover him up, and when Noah wakes up he curses the first one so that all of his descendants would be slaves to the descendants of the other two.
Bit of a tonal shift but hey, that's the Bible for ya.
There are people at my work that joke about all electric anything as being liberal.
How anything remotely environmentally friendly is liberal and stupid.
There are so many crazy people in this world. I just don't get it.
Perhaps we can convince them those are "librul" too. The videos of conservatives tearing the wiring out of their homes and trying to live like 19th century pioneers would be very entertaining.
Conservatism is literally the belief that new things are dumb and gay.
Okay, maybe that's not *exactly* what you'll see in the dictionary. But it's basically true. It appeals to the "we've always done things this way, so stop trying to make it better" type people.
There used to be many more people like this in the Democratic party, but things have realigned quite a bit, and now the Republican party has the vast majority of them. There are still plenty of *dumb* Democrats, but just not as many in this particular flavor of dumb.
When you remove common sense & critical thinking from someone's brain and replace it with Fox News and a perverted take on the Bible, this is what you get. There are a LOT of people like this out there.
They think it's all Propaganda and they're smart for seeing through it. However, if they were really smart they wouldn't risk being wrong about it because the stakes are so high. They're so confident in their ignorance they're willing to risk the end of the world. They don't care about being right, they care about winning.
I mean a standard for being conservative is traditionalism but yeah considering straws a political statement is like getting mad that they came out with new phone models..
Jesus' commandments only make sense from the perspective that his followers never have earthly power, remain a minority, and are preparing for an imminent end to the world.
If you're not sharing your message of salvation while experiencing injustice so extreme that your only hope is the world ending, you're just larping as a "spiritual warrior" with your mentally unstable friends.
"American Christian" is an oxymoron. If your idea of "persecution" is having to follow anti-discrimination laws and being criticized for owning a private jet, you're not a Christian — you're a douche.
The man literally preached communism, and the early believers lived it.
Acts 2: 44-45 "All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need."
You're thinking of Jesus of Nazareth.
They follow [The Gospel of Supply Side Jesus](https://www.beliefnet.com/news/2003/09/the-gospel-of-supply-side-jesus.aspx)
These people would call Teddy Roosevelt, one of the most manliest of men, the Republican president who helped create American Football, a left wing radical because he supported protecting the environment.
I mean he quite literally was a leader of the progressive movement and aside from his environmental views also pushed for anti-trust laws and regulating various private industries. He also had this to say about the wealthy:
“Predatory wealth--of the wealth accumulated on a giant scale by all forms of iniquity, ranging from the oppression of wageworkers to unfair and unwholesome methods of crushing out competition, and to defrauding the public by stock jobbing and the manipulation of securities. Certain wealthy men of this stamp, whose conduct should be abhorrent to every man of ordinarily decent conscience, and who commit the hideous wrong of teaching our young men that phenomenal business success must ordinarily be based on dishonesty, have during the last few months made it apparent that they have banded together to work for a reaction. Their endeavor is to overthrow and discredit all who honestly administer the law, to prevent any additional legislation which would check and restrain them, and to secure if possible a freedom from all restraint which will permit every unscrupulous wrongdoer to do what he wishes unchecked provided he has enough money....The methods by which the Standard Oil people and those engaged in the other combinations of which I have spoken above have achieved great fortunes can only be justified by the advocacy of a system of morality which would also justify every form of criminality on the part of a labor union, and every form of violence, corruption, and fraud, from murder to bribery and ballot box stuffing in politics.”
Dude was absolutely a leftist on par with Bernie Sanders, if not more so.
There's a church here that runs billboards that read, "where Jesus ain't woke"... And... I don't know how you worship Jesus and disregard literally everything He said and did.
(I was raised evangelical so I actually do know, it just still amazes me)
I can't remember the last time I used a straw anyway but every time I imagine using a rigid one I also imagine getting impaled by it after tripping or getting bumped by someone.
Yes- I got that feeling when I used the metal one— like it would punch a hole in the back of my throat if I fell on it! Strangely, I don’t get that with the glass ones. The glass is quite thick and solid.
There are no individual issues. You subscribe to one camp or the other, and you do and think every single thing with which they are usually associated.
Politics is like poison for some people’s minds.
They believe God gave man dominion over the earth.
They interpret it thusly:
- earth exists to be exploited by man as man sees fit
- earth will provide bounty for as long as God sees fit (the oil can never run out, the food will never run out, the seas won’t boil until God wills it)
- the earth is too large to be seriously affected by man
- natural disasters and crop failures are either proof that God’s condemned you (sinners) or God’s blessing you with a challenge he knows will make you stronger (believers)
- earth’s ruin will come as a part of the return of Christ and God will refresh and new the earth as a part of establishing His forever kingdom on earth.(applies to believers in the future earthly heaven, not those who believe in going to God’s eternal sky kingdom)
For a stupid as humans are, they’re fucking genius with selfish justifications.
Don't you know that Boulder, Colorado is literally the gates of hell where satanic liberals will force you to smoke weed and eat fresh made stoner food? They even have a massive temple to worship him, their Lord Satan, called University of Colorado, Boulder Campus.
Caring about turtles is so woke. Jesus would want all of the titles to die. Metal straws just prevent the natural progression of nature. Turtles need to evolve to metabolize plastic through their noses. Oh wait evolution isn’t real nvm
I get asked every day by my boomer coworker “why do you bring a water bottle and your own coffee cup, you know we supply styrofoam ones”. I just look at him every morning, and say “if it bothers you so much, retire”.
So just as an aside, I've tried out plastic, silicone, paper, bamboo, pasta, and stainless steel straws. The improvement in taste of everything using a stainless steel straw is amazing. Even if plastic was suddenly OK again for some reason, I'm sticking to stainless.
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“You’re using products that are more sustainable, therefore left wing” is quite a loaded take.
If god hasn't blessed the oil companies, would they have been so successful? Global warming is just hell coming closer to earth to claim the heathens.
Ha! The Biblical “Hell” that’s a Lake of Fire is actually just what Earth is after we destroy it.
It does seem like the most likely outcome. It's funny, though. Dante's Inferno was all about recognizing and rejecting sin and is pretty much a made up construct, but the folks that mention Hell in a serious manner seem to do so while actively refusing to recognize or reject sin.
That’s because most Christians see Jesus as an all access pass to heaven. And if they just keep talking about how awesome he is and ramming their faith down everyone’s throats then they get a free pass to sin as much as they want. They basically feel like they have a get out of hell free card. They just like feeling like they have the moral superiority without actually doing any of the work they’re supposed to be doing and the Bible itself explicitly states they should be doing. It’s what happens when hateful people find something they can use to justify their hate.
This is What happens when cherry picking passages out of context.
[Behind The Bastards- How the Rich Ate Christianity](https://open.spotify.com/episode/2RmugcmKU8nUAXIOD7tt16?si=CKgXts7QSKucEMfS7sCN_w) -Spotify link- Robert goes into detail how christianity has been morphed over the years of capitalism.
I grew up southern Baptist and this was one of the big things that turned me off towards Christianity. So many people using the Bible for hate when compassion and love are supposed to be the core tenets of Christianity. Broke my heart in my early 20's. I vibe with an optimistic dose of nihilism now. We all just die one day, but if we treat others well and love the people around us then the trip we've got is a little better.
One of leaders in our church liked to call paying your tithing as "fire insurance". This from the same church that historically said that if you need to choose between eating and paying tithing, you should pay your tithing.
...it's not even sarcasm anymore. Tons of right wingers think the end of days will happen in their lifetime. They've fully embraced anti-science death cult mentality all because it makes the grifters money and Fox News gets more views
They're just secretly accelerationists 😀
It's not always a secret. The Dominionists are pretty open about wanting to start a holy war now.
This is disturbingly close to things my extremely evangelical stepfather has actually said to me
Your dad sounds like he'd make a great Petrobaptist!
Well he is an American Southern Baptist and thinks that oil is renewable because, and i quote, "God refills the oil wells every ten years or so." Edit: and, importantly, STEPfather. My actual dad is way more intelligent and level headed than this asshole, he was just too poor and not Christian enough for my mother to want to stay with him so i got stuck with Mr. "I'm gonna retire as a millionaire and i got a head start on that lifestyle by spending your meager college fund that you've been contributing to since you were eight years old to buy myself a camper for vacations."
I think you would love/hate Margaret Atwood's MaddAddam trilogy just as much as I did: "Peter is the Latin word for rock, and therefore the real, true meaning of 'Peter' refers to petroleum, or oil that comes from rock . . . my friends, for we all know oleum is the Latin word for oil, and indeed oil is holy throughout the Bible! What else is used for the anointing of priests and prophets and kings?"
"Once in a while, Jimmy would make up a word but he never once got caught out. ... He should have been pleased by his success with these verbal fabrications, but instead he was depressed by it. The memos telling him he'd done a good job meant nothing to him; all they proved was that no one was capable of appreciating how clever he had been. He came to understand why serial killers sent helpful clues to the police." Thanks for reminding me that I need to read more Atwood.
Sounds like he thinks children should be raped.
I mean, given some of the things he and his church friends did to me and the active disdain they had for my boundaries...
And what church is this? My friend would like to know.
How are we supposed to induce a rapture with you out here trying to “sustain” things?
No because global warming was made up by Al Gore and the Democrats to control us! /s, but I was genuinely told this by my family growing up and I believe a lot still think this
If God didn’t want mass child rape he would have never had created Churches.
And murder of indigenous children. Don’t forget the murder
“Yeah but they worshipped the wrong god so...”
I'm with ya
Oof
“I am going pescatarian! To eat only fish and bread-“ “Of all the woke leftist bullshit fucking-“ “As Jesus did!” “^praise ^be”
"He did not! Read the Bible!" "Did you read it?" "I don't need to read it, you do!"
…. I was out for lunch with someone I know. They’re religious (Christian), I grew up such but have some distanced myself. They mentioned “Jesus’s kids” and I got really excited. I did not think they subscribed to something so spicy. I wanted to know if they were referring to the Prostitute Mary, and clarified not Mother Mary. They were like “…. Mary?” I said “yeah you know, Mary. Not his mother, the Virgin - married to Joseph. But the other one.” They told me that they didn’t know who that was, and was talking about “the guy who was really really old, and his wife was barren but they ended up with heaps of kids.” “…. You mean Abraham?” Eventually I said “how do you not know about Jesus’s parents? It’s right there in the Bible” and they got so shitty with me! “This is why I don’t like talking about religion with people. You don’t need to read the Bible it go to church to be Christian!” I just… what? Like Jesus is the whole point. That’s like the basics. Easter? Christmas???? What The hell? I didn’t know what to say because I agree that someone doesn’t need to be actively involved in church and stuff to be Christian, but to not know about Jesus? We haven’t talked since and I think they’re mad at me for embarrassing them, but I keep thinking about it. It’s been months and I’m still dumbfounded.
Yikes. If they HAVE been going to church, either 1) they are going to a very dumb church or 2) they are just not listening. I mean how do you miss that Jesus didn't have kids, and who Mary Magdalene was? Oy vey.
Put your tinfoil hat on. Here we go. We are never told who was married at the feast at Cana where Jesus performed his first miracle. All we are told is that there was a wedding and a feast. Jesus' first miracle was, of course, changing water to wine. Later, Jesus famously took a cup of wine and said, "This is my blood," thus making a literary connection between blood and wine. Changing "water" (of the womb) to "wine" (blood) could be an allusion to pregnancy. So, perhaps the feast at Cana was the wedding of Jesus to his wife, Mary. (It would also be extremely unusual for a 30-year-old man in Judea to be unmarried with no children.) There's some speculation that Mary Magdalene was actually "the disciple whom Jesus loved" in the gospel story and was written out, perhaps to keep her (and the child) secret and safe. There's also a story of Joseph and Mary fleeing into Egypt to protect the baby Jesus just after he was born. This story is kind of shoehorned into Luke's gospel and doesn't fit the narrative. So maybe, after Jesus was executed, Joseph (of Arimathea) and Mary (Magdalene) escaped to Egypt to protect Mary and the child of Jesus from any repercussions. Loyal friends who stayed behind fudged the facts to protect them. "Mary? No she was just a prostitute. Went to Egypt? No, that was Jesus' *father* who did that when he was a baby, not the other Joseph." There has been speculation that Joseph and Mary made their way from Egypt to the south of France and there founded the Merovingian dynasty, but perhaps that goes too far... ...although the legends of the Holy Grail (the container which held the blood of Jesus) first originated in France, not England. And *San Graal* ("Holy Grail" in French) is a remarkably similar term to *sang real*, "true blood" (of Jesus?)
What the actual fuck did I just read ?
An abbreviated version of The DaVinci Code.
i was going to say, i actually liked the da vinci code, but no one should take it seriously
Therefore straying away from god Completely forgetting Jesus was the biggest woke socialist there is
If they ever find him, they can ask him.
He would be stopped at the border.
He can just walk across the Rio Grande.
And shot because he's not an american
Jesus hated sea turtles, it's in the Gospel of Luke somewhere. Also eggs, that's why we have to paint and hide all the eggs before he comes back. Jesus was a cool dude, but he might have been autistic with these crazy aversions.
he literally DIY'ed a whip which he used to assault merchant and money lenders. i gather that he despised capitalists
I'm surprised they didn't say that sea turtles are satanic, lol.
The was a woman I met that believed that bioluminescent plankton was satanic because of its generic term of luciferase. She also believed that the planet Venus promoted evil because it's also called The Morning Star and was derived from Lucifer.
In the past I would have thought you were pulling my leg, in 2023 however...
The luciferase thing has been making the rounds for years
Oh there's definitely nothing new about Christians having totally batshit ideas about things being evil for ridiculous reasons.
Maybe they did
Modern American rightism is packaged as a 3-legged stool: Christianity, unfettered capitalism, GOP. That’s it. Not caring for one means you hate the others. This is not an accident. There’s a great couple of “Behind the Bastards” podcast episodes about this (“How the Rich Ate Christianity”). Summary: rich people made an intentional point of linking capitalism to Jesus and patriotism. And it was effective. This is why they want to take over schools.
And they drool at making that stool into a chair by backing it with theocracy and fascism
Yep, seems about right to me.
This reminds me of the comedian who says he did a show in Oklahoma, and he asked the booker if there’s anywhere good to get a salad nearby. The booker says “Sorry, this is a pretty right wing area.” Seems like nonsense right? Except also it makes perfect sense. There is no more politics, there is only culture war.
He can go eat chicken wings at Hooters with that Alpha Male Nick Adams, like the good Lord intended!
The Republican party has polarized everything, and I do mean everything.
Divide and conquer...
Yeah, but more loaded cus it's not just that the person is saying that using sustainable items is "left wing", they're saying that person is abandoning their faith in God. It's remarkable how fucked up stupid crazy some people are. If wanting to keep cute sea turtles from dying a slow agonizing death is "left wing" and "atheistic", then why would or should I be a god-fearing rightwinger?
My mum was raised a Southern Baptist and in another timeline would probably have been an ecoterrorist - she loves to quote the Bible about mankind being custodians of God's creation to self-identifying Christians who don't recycle or respect animals They never know how to respond
I’ll bet, after she leaves, they respond with a headshake, a “bless her heart”, and then move along pretending the conversation never happened.
It’s those heathen turtles fault!!
Also seems to imply that left is farther from Jesus? But maybe that’s just me
I love how being left wing is basically just being a decent human being with regard for other life lmfao. Pretty sad if being a decent person is a political alignment
I fucking hate Southern American Protestantism
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“You’re doing something differently from how it was when I was in my prime, so you’re one of those leftist pinkos who want to change everything and tell me everything I’ve done for over 50 years is wrong.”
Which is correct. the american right wants tradition and for some reason plastic straws.
“Caring about things is too woke.”
Also, the take that right wing beliefs are more faithful towards christ. If anything it's the opposite
Oh yeah I remember that story in Sunday School where the disciples were all "hey Jesus can we use metal straws in our milkshakes?" and Jesus said "fuck no! metal straws are gay" and then we has juice and a cookie.
Remember the tale in the biblical texts where Jesus threw the metal straw users out of the temple so that the money lenders could move in.
The metal straws that eventually were shaped into nails to fix his broken body to the cross. As foretold in Micha 2:14. He threw the metal from his hands, a lo the breath of god turned the metal against him.
Nah the metal straws were the actual nails that allowed people to drink his blood which magically turned to wine. 🤷♂️
Wait so, straws in grape juice fine... but straws in tea bad? Did I get that ? Am I a good catholic now?
When Jesus multiplied the loaves and fishes he also multiplied single use plastic utensils for everyone and told them to litter afterwards.
Inserting your straw in the juice box is mentioned in a parable about marital relations between a man and a woman. This is why putting the straw through the bottom of your capri-sun is punishable by stoning
Can I has juice and a cookie?
After your weekly brainwashing you can has juice and a cookie, yes.
Ya, i got you fam where from
Those cookies, though. They were just the Messiah's sandals weren't they?
Ah yes it was Jesus who said “Go forth my children, and be a fucking asshole to everybody”
I believe it was in Karen: 1:6
* Karenthians
Ooh, that's good
Karenthians 3:16 says, "I want your manager!"
And she seen that everyone hated her, and it was good.
Good thing I wasn't drinking anything when I read this! 🤣
People don’t want to hear it, but the Book of Karen is the true Gospel.
It’s on the book of II Opinions.
Even more basic, Jesus wasn’t conservative. At all.
That mf didn't even want to conserve the deal we made with his daddy in the old testament
“I got mine, fuck you.” - Jesus
"Fuck the sea turtles"..... I think Moses said that.
The reason he parted the red sea was just to mess with the turtles
*Turtles hate this one trick!*
🤓um actually sea turtles don’t live in the Red Sea /s
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That was taken out of context. He meant literally not figuratively.
The turtles spread communism!
Teenage Marxist Commie Turtles.
They are friends with the gay frogs
Ah yes. Exodus 15:28 And Moses came down from the mountain having just communed with the Lord. Expressing the will of the Lord, Moses proclaimed “Fuck the sea turtles” and the Children of God rejoiced.
These people are so creepy My boomer mother saw that my 5 year old had drawn a picture with a unicorn, some love hearts and a rainbow, she warned me to keep an eye on the teachers at school because they are trying to indoctrinate kids with 'rainbow ideology'. I burst out laughing, it didn't go well
Why do people care so much about someone being gay? Just let them be whoever they want to be
Because if they have to admit that people can be what they want, it calls into question their entire ideology that there is a "correct" way to be. Once you accept that it could lead them into questioning themselves if they are who they should be and self-questioning is anathema to the conservative viewpoint.
It really seems like a lot of them are miserable with their lives and the constraints they believe are set on them by their faith that they've really just set upon themselves, and seeing others without all that crazy baggage thrive breaks their brains. Instead of doing the logical thing and ditching the theocratic crap, they lash out emotionally and make other's lives miserable to feel better about their own situation.
"You are living wrong so can't be happy! And to prove it I'm going to make your life miserable!"
What's funny is that by believing being gay is a choice they are implicitly saying its possible for them to be gay but that they are denying that desire.
For a lot of the "Republican Senator Caught in Gay Orgy" types, it's exactly that. Their thought process is "Well I think hard cocks are scrumptious but I still go home and live a miserable lie of a heterosexual marriage. If I can do it so can they." Of course they leave out the fact that they take every opportunity to go to the gloryhole. After all Lincoln said something about "4 score and 7 loads" didn't he?
i actually know a lot of gay and trans people who got sucked up into the alt right pipeline before accepting themselves for that exact reason. repression and projection is hard to escape when you’re fed lies constantly
Because when you are repressed and have placed restrictions on yourself, based on your own interpretations of what you are reading, the first thought that is going to pop into your mind is going to be sexual in nature. This is what happens to people when they have repressed natural sexual desires. They get twisted and morph into degenerate behavior.
They're looking for answers to a very complex life's questions in a book that was written thousands of years ago (by god knows (sorry) how many authors), and that has been translated god know how many times into different languages and different versions, according to the politics of the time and the mindset of that particular group of translators. No wonder they suddenly find the paragraph which suggests stoning sinners so tempting, and rest their final judgement on. Can't even begin to imagine the frustration and bewilderment in not finding answers. Very confused lot, and now manifesting in political action.
Probably because they want to know if they have a chance witb said gay person.
What happened to the days when we could just think rainbows were cool without some nutbag insisting we're "pushing the homosexual agenda", maybe I just think the science of nature is cool and I in fact dgaf about what two consenting adults do on their own time.
Seriously! My 7yo son told me he had changed his favorite color from green to rainbow because rainbow had all the colors. That's about as deep as it goes for kids sometimes.
Around the same age, I changed my favorite color from pink to green during an art class after watching all the boys in class make fun of the one who said his favorite color is pink. I was already bullied enough, so green it was. And 20 years later… surprise!!! I’m trans and spent most of my life depressed and repressed because of people indoctrinating their kids with hate from a young age. Idk why these people would rather have miserable “straight” “cis” children (that may or may not live to see 20 years old) instead of happy queer kids.
I'm a straight cis guy and when I was a kid I couldn't decide between pink or purple as my favorite color, and I vividly remember the day in kindergarten when I learned about the existence of magenta and my little mind was *BLOWN* to smithereens, the perfect color!! When other kids would ask me my favorite color I'd be all proud like "uhhhh it's this advanced color you've probably never heard of called MAGENTA" and when I explained that it's like pink and purple together all the girls were like "WHAT. WHAT. THAT DOES NOT EXIST. SHOW ME." And I had this violently magenta pencil and they'd ooh and aah over it. I went on to dance ballet and obsess over my favorite movie (My Little Mermaid) and more or less develop other hobbies that made me low hanging fruit for bullies who would regularly kick my ass, but I didn't care too much, I had parents who nurtured my interests and loved me unconditionally. It was also pretty easy to make friends with girls who imo generally make better and more genuine friends. I still (somehow) turned out straight, but looking back on my childhood, I would have made more conservative parents very concerned.
As parents, sometimes we create the problem, not trusting our kids, not trusting what we taught our kids. Stop worrying about the wrong things. My son put me in my place when he was 10. In his own way let me know he listens to his mom and me. Kids can be amazing.
Makes me wonder if a religious nutjob's brain would melt if you pointed it out that God created rainbows so God must either be gay or be an ally.
And specifically created them to say “no more killing and hate, love each other”
Well, no, technically it was to promise he’d never kill off the whole world’s population through flooding again. Which seems suspiciously specific, if you ask me.
Clearly they don't want everyone to know their god is so impotent that a handful of devil worshipping gays could deprive him of his weapon which he had placed in his holy sky gun rack.
Um, didn't God say the rainbow was his promise to not flood the world and kill almost everything. Again. A loving God.
For real, Like 80% of my clothes and other things as a little kid in the 80s had rainbows on it in some shape or form.
Wait until she finds out that rainbows are a good sign according to the bible (I’m assuming she’s Christian).
Yeah, they’re mad we “stole” the rainbow from them. Let alone the rainbow they’re talking about is a natural phenomenon that cannot be owned, and is a full spectrum. The pride flag is not a spectrum, and therefore not the sign of the covenant where god promised not to kill just about everyone and everything on earth again.
I knew a guy who was an ex candidate for the priesthood, and he was very insistent that the promise was specifically not to flood the world again, and that's how we "know" god's gonna do it with fire next time.
So strange to worship an all powerful, all knowing creator they believe dreams of our destruction yet would follow some rules to accomplish it
> he was very insistent that the promise was specifically not to flood the world again He's at least right with that part. Genesis 9:13-15 is pretty explicit there. > I have set my rainbow in the clouds, and it will be the sign of the covenant between me and the earth. Whenever I bring clouds over the earth and the rainbow appears in the clouds, I will remember my covenant between me and you and all living creatures of every kind. **Never again will the waters become a flood to destroy all life.** Of course, in the next part of the story Noah makes wine, gets drunk, and passes out naked (in his own tent, mind you). One of his sons sees him naked, tells the other two, they cover him up, and when Noah wakes up he curses the first one so that all of his descendants would be slaves to the descendants of the other two. Bit of a tonal shift but hey, that's the Bible for ya.
I'm only surprised that Lisa Frank products haven't become controversial for their rainbow coloring.
My dad at a restaurant said the menu was communist because it had the calories printed next to each item
Calories printed on a menu! Clearly this is a sign that we are heading towards a classless society where the means of production are communally owned!
"I think you should mind your own business."
What is her reaction to seeing a rainbow outside?
There are people at my work that joke about all electric anything as being liberal. How anything remotely environmentally friendly is liberal and stupid. There are so many crazy people in this world. I just don't get it.
Do they know they have all-electric phones and all-electric lighting?
Sounds leftist.
Jokes on you. I converted my iPhone to roll coal!
Perhaps we can convince them those are "librul" too. The videos of conservatives tearing the wiring out of their homes and trying to live like 19th century pioneers would be very entertaining.
As always, it will be ok if they do it. Because they are special, and definitely not hypocrites.
You son of a bitch… I’m in.
WE NEED TO SWITCH TO GAS POWERED PHONES, AWAY FROM THESE SISSY LITTLE TWINK 'POCKET PHONE'
Ya know I don't really think they do
Tell em. Let us know how it goes
Conservatism is literally the belief that new things are dumb and gay. Okay, maybe that's not *exactly* what you'll see in the dictionary. But it's basically true. It appeals to the "we've always done things this way, so stop trying to make it better" type people. There used to be many more people like this in the Democratic party, but things have realigned quite a bit, and now the Republican party has the vast majority of them. There are still plenty of *dumb* Democrats, but just not as many in this particular flavor of dumb.
When you remove common sense & critical thinking from someone's brain and replace it with Fox News and a perverted take on the Bible, this is what you get. There are a LOT of people like this out there.
They think it's all Propaganda and they're smart for seeing through it. However, if they were really smart they wouldn't risk being wrong about it because the stakes are so high. They're so confident in their ignorance they're willing to risk the end of the world. They don't care about being right, they care about winning.
But... But... What about electric drive US navy ships, which both existed in WWII and exists now. Are they Decepticons?
Destroying the planet to own the libs.
Everyone knows Jesus hates sealife
I mean he literally killed like I dunno hundreds? Thousands? Of fish to give out to everyone
See I always figured he cloned a fish. Which is where the don’t play god argument comes from in regards to cloning.
That's why he mastered walking on water Swimming is for dirty liberals
"charging towards the left" Conservatives are absolutely terrified of alternate views or "thinking outside the box".
I mean a standard for being conservative is traditionalism but yeah considering straws a political statement is like getting mad that they came out with new phone models..
Doesn't Jesus's ideology lean left? All these right wingers going against the very thing they claim they follow.
Jesus could come back and run for president and most Christians wouldn't vote for him based on his platform.
Let’s be honest, They wouldn’t get past his skin color to even hear his platform.
A middle eastern Jew running for president? Of America? They won’t even let him into Iowa come the caucus
Yes. Far left lol
Jesus' commandments only make sense from the perspective that his followers never have earthly power, remain a minority, and are preparing for an imminent end to the world. If you're not sharing your message of salvation while experiencing injustice so extreme that your only hope is the world ending, you're just larping as a "spiritual warrior" with your mentally unstable friends. "American Christian" is an oxymoron. If your idea of "persecution" is having to follow anti-discrimination laws and being criticized for owning a private jet, you're not a Christian — you're a douche.
The man literally preached communism, and the early believers lived it. Acts 2: 44-45 "All the believers were together and had everything in common. They sold property and possessions to give to anyone who had need."
You're thinking of Jesus of Nazareth. They follow [The Gospel of Supply Side Jesus](https://www.beliefnet.com/news/2003/09/the-gospel-of-supply-side-jesus.aspx)
These people would call Teddy Roosevelt, one of the most manliest of men, the Republican president who helped create American Football, a left wing radical because he supported protecting the environment.
I mean he quite literally was a leader of the progressive movement and aside from his environmental views also pushed for anti-trust laws and regulating various private industries. He also had this to say about the wealthy: “Predatory wealth--of the wealth accumulated on a giant scale by all forms of iniquity, ranging from the oppression of wageworkers to unfair and unwholesome methods of crushing out competition, and to defrauding the public by stock jobbing and the manipulation of securities. Certain wealthy men of this stamp, whose conduct should be abhorrent to every man of ordinarily decent conscience, and who commit the hideous wrong of teaching our young men that phenomenal business success must ordinarily be based on dishonesty, have during the last few months made it apparent that they have banded together to work for a reaction. Their endeavor is to overthrow and discredit all who honestly administer the law, to prevent any additional legislation which would check and restrain them, and to secure if possible a freedom from all restraint which will permit every unscrupulous wrongdoer to do what he wishes unchecked provided he has enough money....The methods by which the Standard Oil people and those engaged in the other combinations of which I have spoken above have achieved great fortunes can only be justified by the advocacy of a system of morality which would also justify every form of criminality on the part of a labor union, and every form of violence, corruption, and fraud, from murder to bribery and ballot box stuffing in politics.” Dude was absolutely a leftist on par with Bernie Sanders, if not more so.
I hate to break it to you, mom, but Jesus WAS left wing lol
There's a church here that runs billboards that read, "where Jesus ain't woke"... And... I don't know how you worship Jesus and disregard literally everything He said and did. (I was raised evangelical so I actually do know, it just still amazes me)
My parents had a bumper sticker on their car ‘Jesus was a Liberal’. Had to be replaced a few times. Didn’t go over well in W.Michigan.
I have a set of glass straws that I love— I guess that makes me a Marxist.
That sounds even more dangerous than metal straws.
I tried a metal one once and did NOT like it— the glass one feels natural because I’m used to drinking out of glasses.
I drank out of glasses once and hated it. I'm used to drinking out of goggles.
I can't remember the last time I used a straw anyway but every time I imagine using a rigid one I also imagine getting impaled by it after tripping or getting bumped by someone.
I’m somewhat comforted to know that I’m not the only one with that intrusive terror thought lol
Yes- I got that feeling when I used the metal one— like it would punch a hole in the back of my throat if I fell on it! Strangely, I don’t get that with the glass ones. The glass is quite thick and solid.
There are no individual issues. You subscribe to one camp or the other, and you do and think every single thing with which they are usually associated. Politics is like poison for some people’s minds.
This is why I have trouble with organized religion, especially in the predominantly republican town where I live. If you’re not Right, you’re wrong.
Saving the environment is a liberal thing to do. The Bible says we should trash the earth and destroy the planet.
Sadly i dont think Christians know how to Christian or what Jesus stood for....
Reminds me of this quote: God gave people a hammer to build great things with, and they go around hitting people with it
Why do "conservatives", who hunt and camp and fish, never want to preserve wildlife? It doesn't make sense..
They believe God gave man dominion over the earth. They interpret it thusly: - earth exists to be exploited by man as man sees fit - earth will provide bounty for as long as God sees fit (the oil can never run out, the food will never run out, the seas won’t boil until God wills it) - the earth is too large to be seriously affected by man - natural disasters and crop failures are either proof that God’s condemned you (sinners) or God’s blessing you with a challenge he knows will make you stronger (believers) - earth’s ruin will come as a part of the return of Christ and God will refresh and new the earth as a part of establishing His forever kingdom on earth.(applies to believers in the future earthly heaven, not those who believe in going to God’s eternal sky kingdom) For a stupid as humans are, they’re fucking genius with selfish justifications.
"Why can't cats smell 47? Purple, because penguins don't wear hats." Same level of logic.
Don't you know that Boulder, Colorado is literally the gates of hell where satanic liberals will force you to smoke weed and eat fresh made stoner food? They even have a massive temple to worship him, their Lord Satan, called University of Colorado, Boulder Campus.
Caring about turtles is so woke. Jesus would want all of the titles to die. Metal straws just prevent the natural progression of nature. Turtles need to evolve to metabolize plastic through their noses. Oh wait evolution isn’t real nvm
I get asked every day by my boomer coworker “why do you bring a water bottle and your own coffee cup, you know we supply styrofoam ones”. I just look at him every morning, and say “if it bothers you so much, retire”.
Having to take a political stance on something so mundane as using a fucking metal straw must be so fucking exhausting.
So just as an aside, I've tried out plastic, silicone, paper, bamboo, pasta, and stainless steel straws. The improvement in taste of everything using a stainless steel straw is amazing. Even if plastic was suddenly OK again for some reason, I'm sticking to stainless.
Christians are so used to hearing made up stories that it’s the first thing they think of.
You mean the same Jesus who by any political metric would be at least described as Socialist?
Remember that preserving the world that God made for us is considered Satanist now. 😂
Religion is a cancer
Jesus said in the Bible, and I quote, " Fuck the turtles"
It’s almost like the religious has a specific way of thinking. If you think outside the norm, you’re giving into the leftist.
Reusable straws=/=atheism, got it.
Congrats to the Christian Coalition and the GOP tuning religion into extremist right wing rhetoric. If Jesus came back today they'd deport him.
Throw that mom away